₦airaland Forum

kelechiMarie:
my parents didnt remove problems rather they taught me to face it. Now i know life is not fair and if i want smtn i gotta work for it. If i was raised like we raise kids these days,i'd be a spoilt rotten brat

my dad especially hated the word or sentence 'impossible' its not possible'.

He would say ' how can something that does not have hands or a mouth be smarter than you ,figure it out'.

And you know ,what figure it out you would.

kelechiMarie:
Couldnt agree more especially with 3&5. Giving ribbons for everything makes the child feel entitled to everything instead of working hard for it. Now we have a generation of kids who cant take failure and blame everyone but themselves for it

Very true.. someone heard me tell my daughter 'life is not fair' when she retorted with 'that's not fair' ( God knows where she learnt that word )when I said she could not have something and they said 'she is too young naa haba' . She was like 4 at the time she is 6 now. I said 'Nope children need to learn you cant always have everything YOU want without 1) working hard and 2) sometimes having to make sacrifices

Just this morning I have decided no more asking ' what do you want for breakfast' you eat what I place in front of you shikena. They (my daughter especially) are beginning to take that privilege for granted.

Nothing scares more me than raising a self absorbed and entitled brat.

Its learning that balance on when to use the carrot and/or the stick.

And in hindsight, failing at things does teach a person resilience and that is a skill you need when facing life.

I know how having 2 'carry over' courses in my second year of university probably made me realise that University was actually not just for parties and dressing up LOL.

bukatyne:
That's just my style though sometimes I forget or the thread spirals downwards

As per your request, see attached. I am very mindful of your food

You are a good hostess..thank you for the refreshments

bukatyne:
Welcome to the thread

I am glad the thread was of help.

you make me laugh with this your 'welcome to the thread' you do on your threads LOOL

oya I just don't want welcome I want drinks and food too LOL

Very valid points..

**note to self to amend my ways on some of the points.

I am so happy with this progress.

Ayolight wish you and light a safe journey and may The Lord go before you on this journey.

It shall End In praise.

r231:
till they start removing decorations and chaircover at 4am that is when people start leaving for my party o

come see dj and elere fighting because both of them wan play at the sametime. elere wan make money, dj wan show skills

LOOOOOL

me sef I had to go and warn mumsi to chase all her family members off the dance floor at my sis wedding. yeah yeah yeah we know you are olowo Canada but me I want to dance shakiti bobo/shoki joor . LOOL

They kept saying egbon iyawo has not danced, I kept telling them abeg leave me I no wan dance lagbo lagbo joor na DJ I want.



I miss small sha because maybe I go don recoup 0.000000010% of all the money I spent LOL

Kimoni:
.

Dammmitttt

Too bad I'm not on whatsapp. Too much social media is not good for my health

Damiso, how far, I fit come whatsup just to come view this ya fine fina pictures o

don't mind idowu jare LOL

yes you are welcome o.

Idowuogbo:
Oh yea I loooooove that fine woman die. Oh you missed ooo... walai people like us with special pass to her whatapps dey view correct ebony model. Mehn you need to see damiso's packaging for her sister's wedding,Kai! It's too much. Bae on fleek! Gele - 5 star makeup - 5 star jewellery - 5 star - outfit - Jesu oba iye! ! Murder she wrote... i dey silently ko mama je oo

@damiso

You don buy ya nud/e lipstick?

This idowu will not kee me LOOOOL( cant use emoticons on my work computer for some reason)


No I never buy am o. I was wondering round Duty Free and ended up at Mac Stand and ended up buying another red ( Russian Red) . I SMH for myself. No be nude I suppose look at.

One of these days I will stop at Westfield Stratford when I have all those external meetings( and its not far from my office o). Its just that closing time I dey act like person wey dem programme. cos of 'our' activities.

mavany:
@ Damiso , its kind of funny finding this thread cos I'm going tru something like this now. My dad married at 27 but lost his wife after 13 years tho they didn't get to have children. After barely one year , he married my mum at abt 40 years, mum was 21 when the got married , they had me almost immediately then waited for another ten to have my two brothers. My mum died at 46 last year june 26th. With my Dad being about 66 years and now approx 1year and 6 months Pops is thinking of remarrying, and exchanging I love you with a random woman he met up on facebook
Honestly , it irked me , I feel like my mums memory is being insulted, like the so called love Dad professed for mum and their happy marriage is just a facade, I feel like dad moved on too quickly
To make matters worse my family used to seem very close knit, but since this online lover came in Pops became aloof esp to my younger brothers who are used to getting his attention and him being very involved in their lives.
Dads stuck on his phone all day, being so soo secretive , the worse is him denying and pretending and lying to cover all these and planning secret meet ups.
I get night mares of my dad dying and leaving an old woman as responsibility for me to take care of.

I didn't mention of this older never been married woman getting the wind that pops family is resisting esp me the older Child and she sending me tests saying that I can't prevent her from marrying my Dad, asking me if I'm sleeping with my Dad and swearing to do all things humanly possible for my Dad to marry her so she can deal with me and make me eat sand lol.


Its all so funny coming from a 40 year old woman!!!
Maybe I'm selfish or what but, I surely don't feel gooda about another woman.

I feel you jare but one thing we need to understand WE their children are going to live our own lives. I don't even live in the same continent as my mum and I try to call/Skype/chat with her at least 4 times a week but sometimes my own life ie. work,children etc just catch up with me. I said I was going to call her last night but by the time I remembered it was already about 11 naija time and I did not want to wake her up. My siblings as well all so busy doing their own stuff. That is time is when you need your partner ( when the kids fly the nest) but unfortunately in this case he is no more.


Maybe its the time frame( a year is not that long) and also to honest this woman your dad is seeing me sef I don't like the sound of her, what's with the threats? She should be the more mature person here. make you eat sand? na wa for some people o.

I know people say face your children ( especially for women) but the companisonhip of a spouse is not the same for children.Especially when one has older children that have flown the nest.

Ewuro4:
9pm sef is pushing it. Patapata 7pm.

All these owambe London people 11pm sef musician never set up you can see r231 defending them.LOL

People wey dey start kiddy party at 5pm . like seriously? that's 2 and half hours before my children's bedtime. At a few of those parties my poor son don begin sleep sef.

Its a security measure in Naija but what we are doing in Owambe for 10/12 hours na?

@tearoses true sha but those colour combos fit make person dey scratch head.
@ewuro too much sef I don't know how many of those shoes one will then have?

@naijababe emi ke jeje Lomo Eko min lo my last owambe in this London was in August and I spent less than 2 hrs.

I like naija style at my sisters wedding the hall people put off the gen at 9.lobatan o make you no go your house then

raumdeuter:
I learnt on this forum that when anyone cheats the solution is divorce anyone who doesnt agree is a marry at all cost evangelist.

So you have decided to become divorce evangelist abi?

E rora o.

raumdeuter:
They should divorce

The woman and the men are not meant to be together

Oga dayokanu are you now a divorce lawyer in all this your divorce divorce prescription these days

U

Onegai:
The baby means a massive change of plans for him (which is painful) but he will be delighted when he meets his child. It is the conniving behind his back with his mother and sister that is hurting him. Nothing stopped her from going to him with her suggestions and saying "bae this is what your mum and your sis said o, should we rethink? "

Imagine you and your hubby plan Christmas trip and contribute money towards it. in August. Then in December, after you've packed, you enquire when you guys are leaving and he turns to you and says "oh I used the money to give my elder brother to start a business in his village because my father convinced me. I didn't tell you because I knew you would be upset but I'm sure you will be happy in the long run when you see him doing well, he will repay in 7 months' time". Won't you run mad? Wouldn't you come to NL and open a thread and all of us will start shouting "Nigerian men are useless! They never tell you anything, just be changing plans as if you don't matter! " then the male section will show up and be speaking long English (that usually is pointless and meant to rile up). Then one male poster will agree with the women and the men will insult him that he's a lesbian masquerading as a man and one female poster will agree with the men and the women will shout her down that she's a submissive idiot who has no agency over her life.

And that was just about money that you will probably make back and forget. talk less of a life-changing decision like a child.

They both have to work on boundaries and trust and honesty. It's no excuse but the husband is reacting like a human being: pained and flawed in his thinking. But she did this to herself, na she boil hot water pour am for her bodi.

Today is Monday can't type long epistles :DI agree with most of you have posted especially about boundaries which I touched on in an earlier post.

I however don't think that punishment can ever be justified.

Ewuro4:
Lolozz what kind of red is that, 'winish' red? UK folks , always ahead.

It's not a real colour don't mind me

Just trying to poke fun at all the colour code combinations we have at Nigeran weddings these days

Cadbury purple
Tiffany Blue
Sunshine yellow etc etc

yomi007k:
Ur very emotional...I'm sure d wife wud need someone like u around her.

Meanwhile, d hubby needs a dude like me.

Emotional ke? Me I am just saying my own.

I personally can't stand living in limbo 'maybe' 'maybe not ''has he forgiven me' 'is he with another girl ' it's better to face reality and move on.

If the marriage will work they both need to work on the trust issues.

Ewuro4:
Look at you

I might just even buy my first 'Ribena red' shoe and bag.

yomi007k:
The way forward is for dem to draw up a plan to manage the wife n kid(The house).

And for the man to abandon other previous plans.( This is his pain)


Like being a single parent is easy....but I'm sure at ds point if u pop it to d guy's head, he might welcome it.

Being pregnant is an emotional time for a lot of women and having to deal with a husband who can't stand your guts as well can't be easy.

Of course I know being a single parent can't be easy and I meant that in the worst case scenario..

However I still believe the husbands cheating was way overboard. So he would have cheated and felt 'conned into fatherhood' if contraception failed?

I am not making excuses for her behaviour (I believe in family planning ) *modified* I also think she was wrong to do all she did behind his back especially as it was a jointly taken decision.

But his using cheating as pay back.. Too extreme.

Ewuro4:
Good to know, thanks sis, I need his booking office contact if you may, no rush. Thanks in advance.

We thank God sis, life on a fast lane as usual.
How are you and yours too. How's business. Pls do have a wonderful week.

Invite us for the owambe o

Mindfulness:
I guess they have already talked about it but even if they didn't I am not sure he wants to. Anyway, she can try.

The talking I meant was the way forward. Sometimes people are talking but not really communicating.After all the accusations,defense,apologies,etc they need to talk about how to move past it (or not) if not for each other but for the sake of the child.

That way she can decide if she needs to mentally prepare to be a single parent.

Mindfulness:
@bold

You want to create more hell on earth for this poor dude?

But they need to talk it over. If he can't get over the betrayal as in ever,she needs to know,no? Besides there is now a child in the mix.

That's what you get when people don't understand boundaries ,she told MIL and SIL and then decided to connive with them as in seriously?

That said they need to talk it over for the sake of the child who did no wrong in all this.

This hubby is being a bit harsh naa, what if the contraception failed? I have an older friend who just discovered she is pregnant while on an IUD(her youngest is 13). Believe me ,I started binding and casting any statistical percentage on contraception failures when I heard


That said wifey needed to learn the lesson that agreements between a couple are not meant to be ratified or changed by any 3rd party especially without the other parties knowledge.very wrong. Also wrong that cheating is his preferred pay back tactic. I guess we deal with betrayal in different ways but at the end of the day she is still carrying his child.

They BOTH need to have long heart to heart talks to move on from this.

Naija mothers and 'born ''born'. I remember my mums prayers in my first year of marriage *laughing and shaking my head.* And the incredulous look on some faces when I say me and hubby want no more kids. My mum even says 'so you are people are really serious about this jack and Jill business'

EfemenaXY:
Do you think food addiction is real?

Yes I do to an extent. It might be a symptom of other issue though I.e depression, stress etc.

Not everyday leaves(or ewe as my mum would call it she kept asking are you a rabbit )

Yam and fish pepper soup washed down with green tea and water

Was doing a green smoothie challenge 2 smoothies and 1 healthy meal a day

O boi I don downgrade to 1 smoothie a day after I don begin dizzy.

I have always known I like food

r231:
part 2 is coming

If everyone won't invite me for owambe , you too Abi?

Truckpusher:
You've not made any sense at all.

Ok

Happy birthday to Light ..God continue to bless and keep you huni

So I can get you a bit OP.so are you querying WHY they buy the stuff or the value they place on the stuff or looking down on people who They think don't have the stuff ?

One thing one that helps in life is understanding that we all have different value and priorities so again(am on a roll tonight do YOU) find people who you share similar interests with chikena.

I like looking good as much as the next Nigerian woman and I won't lie (when younger) would base friendships on things like how a person dressed or looked ( na everyone we dey call razz that time razz is another slang for ratchet) but with time I have come to understand that a persons character goes far deeper than 'what' they wear or 'how they dress' . If some of my old friends see some of my new friends they would wonder what we talk about

Superficial things like 'I can never use synthetic weave ' won't make me look down on those who do.

Stillfire:
Lollllll.



Damiso I hope you are dressing like this You must be Madam by force.

It's not even dressing o. Naija women are on point fashion wise if it's that one

I can't explain it sef it's just this 'air' a couple of people have. Taking themselves too seriously cos they are now married.

Note I am not saying people should not take marriage vows seriously before someone misunderstands my point.

Chillisauce:
Do much stüpidity on this website .
I just can't keep up.

See question ..

i just came back from naija and I think the hardest thing to be in Naija is Poor

Really I would rather be Linda Ikeji in banana island anytime anyday than one of the thousands of men selling gala in go slow.

When all the people online who say ' Linda go and marry ' log out I will still be in my mansion while they are putting on their 'I better pass my neighbour 'generator.

I agree it's hard to develop a thick skin , but one needs to learn to not seek self validation from the typical naija society. A lot of naija people have an opinion about everything so it's pointless just do you.God knows how many 'you are not acting like a married woman ' I heard .I never knew marriage makes one grow wings or automatically confers 'Madam' title I reject that 'madam' title with every fibre of my being.