₦airaland Forum

Hope you had a lovely birthday efemenaxy many more glorious years by Gods grace.

Hello everyone

Ewuro4:
Ni shoki , Ditto

****

OP , who do you bad? second chance dear , second chance. I wish you all the best.

Ni shoki ni o .. Na jamb question naa no need for long theory answers

bukatyne:
I never said SAHM s are idle and never will

I believe a woman can combine staying at home with something else.

My opinion.

You are right and I agree with you because I am like that as well. BUT the only reason I why I typed that post was some other women are not.Some people are not great multi taskers and can only ever really do one thing (very well) at a time.Does not mean I or those who can are necessarily better people. Hence my 'captainsavetheSAHM' stance sometimes on NL . You are right though everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Like others have said and the EOD of all NL discussions 'each to his own' lets all do what will work for us and our individual families..I just type these long epistles cos we women tend to look down on other women who made decisions that we might not necessarily have made even though we have not walked in their shoes.

We even have some SAHM who believe they are better mums than working mums not stopping to think not every one can afford to live on one income. It's not a either or thing for me its many shades of grey.

bukatyne:
Everybody's priority is their household (ideally)
It is about schematics really
Linda Ikeji is a work at home and answerable to nobody. I know a number of wives who have giant stores who are answerable to nobody.
I know Some men who trade forex professionally too from home.
Like Efe says, you can be creative enough to get something doing around the kids.

Bukatyne honestly you can't see taking care of children and running a home ALONE as a full time job

It actually is because the really high fees paid to nannies,nurseries child minders is actually payment for one half of what SAHM do. It changes a bit when the kids are older and in most cases like most people have said it get boring because they are now at school. Believe me as much as I would moan about workload I still get to have some me time.You don't want to home with a toddler as I type I just stepped on Lego after asking for it to be tidied up for the umpteenth time. when I was home sometimes i would even go to bed more tired than if I went to work.School run nko.


I was like you but now I am a bit different because I have seen a different side of the equation.I saw my mum and I would be like 'any woman who does nothing is lazy my mother combined kids,work,business education etc' .But you know what my mum had a superlative support network in her own mother and aunties plus domestic help.

Unfortunately she is not like her own mother who literarily gave up her own her stuff to help her daughter raise her kids.

EfemenaXY:
Nah, I think Cameron handled it better. At least he was able to concentrate on the questions thrown at him by Jeremy Paxman, unlike Eds who tried to avoid them by asking his "own" questions.

I don't like Cameron and his policies but I've got to give it to him...he's got more substance.



Lol @ "the kain sleep catching you these days!" You sure there ain't a bun in the oven Dami? But I get you sha. When you're sooooo tired in the evenings, it's an effort to watch programs to the end. It took me 2 attempts to finish it off sef.

Yeah, I agree with you that Eds doesn't inspire voters confidence at all. I too am very much pro labour but abeg, just looking at his countenance...I can't "click" with him. And yes, he definitely isn't charismatic at all. I guess that's why his opening question from the audience was, "why do you always look so gloomy"!

I prefer Gordon Brown to him many times over. At least what you saw with him was exactly what you got. I loved that man, abeg. Wish he would consider coming back.

looool @ 'why do you always look so gloomy' Brits and their candour. The way they attack their politicians and people in the public eye. Sometimes I feel sorry for those politicians but I guess they know its part of the job description.

That's why I was laughing in one thread where people were vexing at the way Isha Sesay was interviewing GEJ.

K

EfemenaXY:
Lol! Who? Eds?



Lol!

I would have consoled myself by voting the Lib Dems as opposed to Labour this time around, but I don't think I personally (and many others too) can forgive them for jumping into bed with the conservatives. I mean, they've got more in common with the Labour Party than the Conservatives in terms of policies but the greed need to get in power by all means got them sidelining to do a deal with the devil.

Massive betrayal in trust. They've lost all credibility as far as I'm concerned.



Lol! What's wrong with the dude's face na, Damiso?

Well, he compliments Cameron - two peas in a pod. Rich Private School Boys...

Anyway, I did feel sorry of Eds. He was thoroughly dealt with and maybe, just maybe, I might vote for him (out of pity)...

I can't explain the look just one annoying aloof smug look like that Not that I have anything against them being toffs(like more than half of Westminster including MPs from Labour &Lib Dems even Nick Clegg was privately educated) it's just that he looks like someone that can never relate with the common man.


Some people come from very privileged backgrounds and can still 'feel'..ok maybe not feel but can try to understand the struggles of those not as privileged as they are. Prince Harry is as posh as you can get but people on the streets can relate to him.David Cameron was saying he would want either him(George Osborn), Theresa May or Boris to succeed him as leader and I am thinking Lai lai he will have the exact same or even worse effect that poor Eds has on the electorate. People who can't stand the tory party can even still stomach David Cameron a little but HIM never

Him and poor Eds just look weird(funny enough I actually think Ed has his heart in the right place). I think he looks worse.

Happy Sunday lovely funroom folks


Oya my fellow series lovers someone come and give me a review on 'Empire' this one that everyone is drawing comparisons with 'Scandal' is it any good?

All this kain gender biased topics sef

What kind of question on God's precious earth is 'Do men love'?

Ok let me answer ..Yes they do.

CityNG:
Only to the droopy armed mouth breathing troglodytes that deserves them

I also give positive accolades when it's due.

Thank you Sir.

Thank you sis I love you and naijababe's realness.No fronting.

Double post

Double post

Ewuro4:
Let me check.. But I doubt it. Thanks.

I called home already and nothing yet.

Me sef don call taya Our TV has been on naija news all day.

babyosisi:
Nne read the original post
That is where the story is

I read the original post.

crackhaus:
Fighting over pictures, Lol... sounds Nollywood-ish to me, I must admit.
Hopefully lessons would have been learnt and most definitely, boundaries have been drawn... I'm pretty sure the MIL would think twice before getting into an altercation with her DIL ever again.
But even if they do settle their differences, will it ever be let's all sing kumbaya like nothing ever happened?
It's just not a good look on a woman to exchange blows and scratches with her MIL regardless of the cause.

kaboninc:
That is just so true.

And, the bond gets stronger.

You know all the resentment had been brimming under the surface now they have both let it out so they can move on from it.

Ewuro4 do you have TVC News in Canada? That's where we are following the naija elections.

kaboninc:
the root cause should be addressed before any genuine reconciliation can take place

I agree with you but like I said in my earlier post there has to be apologies for lines to be drawn.Ideally sef MIL should be apologising for putting her son in such an awkward position. My mum had issues with hubby and he apologised first.She also apologised to me for putting me in am awkward situation and also to him for any misunderstandings.

Even though I am not holding brief for either party as I feel they both have blame, ,sometimes there needs to be an explosion (abi is it storm) before there can be calm.

crackhaus:
I don't understand why a woman would even get married to a man whose mother she doesn't get along with, I mean the first person a woman should become close to in her prospective husband's family should be his mother - they should bond and relate well with each other during the courting period.

This is what happens when women rush into marriage for some silly materialistic & vain reason without first knowing and bonding with the prospective husband's family, especially the mother.
Once a woman is able to win over her intended MIL and relate with her like her own biological mother before the wedding, it would take a really big fvck up to make that MIL turn against her later.


Both mother and wife deserve each other, bunch of local toutish disrespectful dumb women with no self-respect whatsoever.
Fighting over pictures, who does that...

Like seriously who does that... . Over pictures Some women are just too petty.

I feel so sorry for the OP cos I know what an awkward situation it is having to take sides between a spouse and a parent where there was even no actual physical or verbal altercation. Try to get some older people to talk to your mum so your wife can apologise and you draw a line under this episode. Hopefully lessons would have been learnt and boundaries will be drawn.

naijababe:
^ I know people talk about the tuition fee but many of us forget that they are the junior partner in a coalition government. They can effect some changes but something as serious as the abolition of university tuition fee requires them to be at the helm of government. They have done a lot in terms of minimum wage, personal tax allowance increments and help for small business.
I have lived in the UK since the mid-90s and given that experience, I will die first before I thump print for a Tory government! God forbid o!!!

True sha.. People that even attack them forget that labour introduced tuition fees and might have had to increase them as well if they got relelected (at least you Scottish people don't pay 9k yet ).


I don't normally say this about people but I honestly cannot stand George Osborn's face His face just annoys me he has that annoying pretentious smug look that I sometimes feel like slapping.reminds me on one of our directors.

I can even still stand David Cameron all but that George Osborn grrrrr

I believe Labour should have chosen David Milliband as leader but the unions wanted Red Ed so I guess they have to stick with him.

naijababe:
Tell me about it, I am voting the Lib Dems. Vince Cable has been the most impressive in this government as Business Secretary. That man as chancellor of exchequer will do very well, as opposed to that pretentious prick George Osborn

I voted Lib Dems at the last election because my MP is a Lib Dem and the man is has worked for very penny of my tax that is spent on his salary. I can so disturb the man on top all my numerous Local Authority school issues He wrote the head of my Local LEA when I was having issues with my daughter school placement and I think his involvement made the LEA take me serious( I like wahala I know )

Vince Cable is certainly impressive but that Tution Fee ish has just spoilt stuff for the Lib Dems and it is even likely sef that some of their Safe London seats might just be taken by Labour( at least according to The Standard Polls).

Aunty Taryour I know politics is murky and all but Our Vote is our chance to TRY(I know sometimes it makes no diff) to influence decisions that affect our daily lives. Politics is life and life is politics. Try and keep safe tomorrow. Its just sad the way all this really daft young people allow some people whose kids lives are already miles away from their own reality allow themselves to be used as thugs. I guess its lack of enlightenment. My mum has even stopped going to her shop since Tuesday as some parts of Lagos island have been so horrible.

Maybe because I come a fairly politically aware family but I have always voted. I remember how excited I was to vote when I was 18.

taryour:
Id baby longest time.

Tunapa,efemenaXy,naijababe,damiso,edwife,r231,pickabeau01,greatgod,mocca,oga bellong,aunty cc,royalroy,ewuro4 E.t.c

Chai I don forget plenty names oo. Pardon me abeg.

I greet all of una o.

I miss this thread so so much. * subs and quietly walks out *

Hello Sis

Efemenaxy did not watch but I will rewatch it later( the kain sleep wey dey catch me this days I have not stayed up to watch Newsnight and question time in like 2 weeks ). I trust Jeremy Paxman I watched excerpts this morning on the news( can you live on a Zero Hour contract? ).

As much as I am pro labour, Jaybee is right. Poor Ed does not inspire confidence at all. No Charisma at all. UK PLC is also not too keen on handing the Treasury back to the other bumbling Ed( Balls) They have a lot of economic policies that are populist but seem made up and the figures don't add up.

It will be a tight race and will most likely be another Hung Parliament with either a coalition or a minority party forming a govt.

Lets see what happens in the motherland tomorrow too

naijababe:
Goodness!!!

So you see I am not the only one

Fem29 I feel you ojare peppa pig is a character naa you did well.my daughter had a peppa pig book though she has now outgrown Peppa.Na Elsa and Anna dey reign now.

bukatyne:
Not turning the thread into a debate.... Being off for some days and just catching up

The plan stuff is alien here true.... It is just work, marriage, kids some is school, marriage, work. Actually, it sounds real nice (could adopt it, need to go back for my Masters later ([size=4pt]want to be a lecturer[/size] ) and it should be full time)

Just raising this stuff when I see SAHM's can be independent; it sounds contradictory. You were probably doing something on the side so how can you be a SAHM?

And no, as far as the woman is doing something, she is not SAHM (Linda Ikeji before the Google saga used to blog on her bed and I am sure nobody would call her stay at home lady (as she never marwi).

Yeah I was studying and doing buying and selling on the side.Aside from that I had savings as well. Thats me though I can be very restless .

Some women do not do anything on the side and totally depend on the mans income and that's because they both must have decided that the income is the FAMILY income and just because she is not actually earning money does not mean she is not contributing to the family.This kind does not need to be asking for money for pad, money for soup because she actually has all the cards and credit cards.

Cant work for all people or all relationships(maybe not even me sef cos I like buy buy and I would feel bad if I buy another designer bag ) it however does not mean she is more open to abuse.

J

babyosisi:
Being a total housewife is not too far from the subject
We are talking about spousal abuse and the reason why many women even those who would like to ,don't leave and not having an earning power is one of the top tool abusers use well.
It's all interwoven
Having financial control is a big weapon in the hands of an abuser because he knows that he can cripple the woman by shutting off the finances from her and even taking the keys to the car he provided her and the phone he nought her till she begs and bows to his demands.


I don't know if you've been in any of those threads with battered women wanting the leave
Their number one handicap is not having a job

In Nigeria or most less developed countries finance is an issue in a lot of things and of course will come to bear in Domestic violence cases. And yes you are right that finance will be a weapon of control BUT my point is this crazy abusive person that uses finance a means of control will use everything as a weapon of control. The problem is the person and so that is why I had earlier said emphasis should be placed on looking out for those control freak tendencies at the courting stage.

I don't however think the fear of domestic violence warrants the disdain or contempt poured on stay at home mums on NL.

Before you have one topic on DV, the next thing is to start the scaremongering on why women should not stay home to look after their kids.Women choose to stay home for a variety of reasons and like I said earlier sometimes some women choose and want to do it and sometimes have planned for it far in advance(again not really a Nigerian scenario)

Just today I have a colleague who just resumed after a 2 and a half year career break.She wanted to stay home till her son was able to talk and luckily she works in a sector or rather organisation that is very family friendly.Again I know this is not something readily available to all women especially not in the Nigerian labour market.

bukatyne:
@bold:

If a woman is an housewife, she is totally dependent on her husband not so?

It somehow contradicts every adult should earn an income

True @ the Stockholm syndrome

And the ladies who endure abuse from boyfriends are only practicing what they saw with their parents especially when they are not separated.

Bukatyne lets not turn the thread into housewife debate thread Some people actually plan far ahead before they had kids that they will not work when their kids are very little(not common in Nigeria I will admit).
Does it make sense for a person to earn £2,000 a month and pay £2,400 on childcare if they have 3 kids under 5?


Being a Stay at home mum in the sense that I am not talking about sef is not really a Nigerian thing per se.Not earning money= no value in Nigerian context so Let's just leave it at that.

I stayed home for 2 years when I had my son and yes my hubby took care of most the big ticket bills but I was NEVER totally dependent on him financially.

You people don't get tired ni .. Gosh

There is something called the Stockholm syndrome whereby the abused even when the opportunity arises to leave their abuser does not take it as that is the life they are used to.At this stage the abused's self esteem is so shattered that they actually believe they can't live without this person who is so horrible to them.

While I agree that every woman(to me sef every human adult) should not be TOTALLy financially dependent on another human being all this' stay at home mums'(Efemenaxy like you i hate that term houswife so working wives are outside wives abi )are more likely to be abused' I see on NL is just a rather simplistic one sided way to encourage women to have an income.An abusive partner is an abusive partner regardless of whether or not you earn money.Like Efe highlighted some women decide to stay home for a wide variety of reasons (like I did) and its annoying the way people talk down on SAHMs on NL. There are women who earn an income or are even the breadwinners and are in abusive relationships. Titi Arowolo(who everyone likes to refrence on NL) was even the breadwinner before her crazy husband stabbed her to death .

The sociopathic tendecies one should look out for(which have been highlighted on this thread) in a future partner seems more like a right step in the right direction in warning people to not even getting entangled in such relationships in the first place.

Lagos state now has a domestic violence legislation which I think needs to be adopted at a federal level . More NGOs and charities should offer more education and help to those in already volatile situations (which I know they are actually doing).Like I said the Nigeria I grew up in did not see a man beating his wife as a good thing, it might not have been seen as a crime like it is the west but it certainly was not something to be proud of.

Then again its such a complex issue because even in western climes where there is support (I even know someone who was relocated to an outside borough because she feared for her life)no ostracism for single mums, some sort of govt welfare which means she and her children won't starve etc ; you still find women (and men) staying in abusive relationships.I cant fathom it because I believe self preservation is an innate human reaction but again like I said it's very easy to judge or feel differently looking in from the outside.Even my mother had to exert energy to smack me as a child Not to talk of one man now turning me into punching bag as an adult.Haa that one me I can't stand, I have a very low pain threshold.

Another sad scary dimension for me these days is even young girls not even married being abused and even se.xually exploited by gangs and se.x trafficking rings and recruited by 'boyfriends' they feel they 'love'.

It tells me we have ALOT of work to do in raising the next generation have a healthy dose of self esteem and know what constitutes a healthy relationship.

Efemenaxy how are you and family? Hope you have made up your mind now on lil princess?

babyosisi:
So the women that reported that in an anonymous survey were lying?
You can argue that perhaps the demographics surveyed had something to do with it.
It says 1 in 5 in the USA,1 in 4 worldwide
Those are equally scary
I believe it

I never said they were lying.I just think sometimes surveys and researches are open ended and it depends sometimes on how the questions are worded.I still filled out a staff survey at work today and the yes,no,can't say answers can't really be a full picture of my thoughts on all issues that were touched on.


And like you say it depends on the demographic of people surveyed. if you survey 1,000 runs or aristo girls or people who don't think runs is a bad thing the evidence presented at at the end would most likely show that all women are materialistic.

Ok let me break down the why i find it difficult to believe that 2/3rd stat in the wider context or African society.It means 4 out of every 6 African women that you and I know are in a abusive relationship.Or in your circle of African female friends 2 out of every 3 are in an abusive relationship.

I know abuse sometimes is hidden and most times the abused covers it up but I sure as heck don't think 2 out of every 3 of my African female friends(note I am not even saying Nigerian) are in or will condone an abusive relationship.

I am just tired of the constant demonisation of Nigerians by Nigerians.And this is by both genders.
The men keep chanting Nigerian women are materialistic,aggressive,emotionally immature bla bla.Does this include their wives,mothers,girlfriends,aunties? They will say no.

The women will say Nigerian men are brutes,they are animals,they don't help with chores etc Does this include their husbands,brothers,sons,uncles, etc they will say no.


Sorry I used your thread to vent but it's just getting ridiculous.


There are horrible and good people in all peoples,creeds,nationalities and cultures