₦airaland Forum

Been thinking and I thought it would be nice to post this.

you guys please stop believing rumours o...he isn't leaving Kennis...na dem dey even help am get the contract with EMI.so it's still a kennis music runs.(UNA HEAR)

very intrestin...i kinda like mine sha...lol

look u guys should stop dissin me bout this post....i saw it ,tot it was funny and tot there'll be no harm in sharing.........................guesss i was wrong

Thank u my sista

From the start this sounded  and was a religious talk (discussion)........what the He** happened.You guyz have turned it to something else.

My advice for ya'll is to be more rightousness consious than been sin consious 'minded'...because thinkin about sin will only make u SIN

CLEVER MINDS....

If you're like most people, common everyday items look inert to you but what
you may not know is that many of them have a gender.

For example:

Ziploc Bags -- Male, because they hold everything in, but you can
see right through them.

Copier -- Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm
up. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are
pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over inflated.

Sponges -- Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain water.

Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have
to light a fire under it ... and, of course, there's the hot air part.

Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.

Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000
years, but it's handy to have around.

Remote Control -- Female . . . Ha! You thought it'd be male. But
consider -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he
doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous
On the pulpit,I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the
door:



1) Sip the vodka,don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .

12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "a code"
to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their
children in on it. They decided on the word "typewriter."
One day the husband told his five year old daughter,
"Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter."
The child told her mom what her dad said and her mother responded,
"Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red
ribbon in the typewriter."
The child went back to tell her father what mommy had said. A few days later
the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."
The child told her father, and then returned to her mother and announced,
"Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

What do u think happened

God help us with this OUR dirty minds..........AMEnnnnn

A wealthy Australian man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dingo along for company.One day, the Dingo started chasing butterflies and before long, he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dingo thinks, "Geez, I'm in deep poo now!"He noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dingo exclaims loudly, "Bugger me dead,that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around there?"Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees."Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dingo nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dingo sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says,"Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving Aussie canine."Now the dingo sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "Struth, what am I going to do now?" But instead of running,the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet ... and just when they get close enough to hear,the dingo says,"Where the bloody hell's that monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."
MORAL: IF YOU CAN'T DAZZLE THEM WITH BRILLIANCE, BAFFLE THEM WITH BULLSHIT!

or what do u think??

dagaro:
Yes! Do u know y?

I'm curious ..Why?

the cafe must be a yeye one ooo (abeg i no go like know the place,their download speed must be like 0.000011byte/sec)

So tell me which you would prefer - a male boss or female boss, and why.

Christ Embassy

LMAO

Enjoy this for your leisure.


Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.
One of them kept complaining of family problems.
Finally, the other man said:
You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation."
"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter.
We got married and got myself a stepdaughter.
Later, my father married my stepdaughter.
That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother.
And my father became my stepson.
Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law".
"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son.
This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son.
But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my
wife's grand-son.
That made me the grand-father of my half-brother."
This was nothing until my wife and I had a Baby. Now the
half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother.
This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose
stepsister is my father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law,
my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I
am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"
And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!"

White-American Woman

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex in the missionary position.
African-American Woman

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: Your get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you!
Irish Woman

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

Italian Woman
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3 carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

Jewish Woman

First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

Middle Eastern Woman

First Date: You fill out the mandatory family questionnaire listing all your assets.
Second Date: You go out to the park with her and her whole family comes along.
Third Date: She claims she's a virgin and refuses to have sex with you.
Fourth Date: She makes up for the past ten years of sexual deprivation in one night. You're rushed to a hospital for exhaustion.

Latina Woman

First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get her drunk on Riunite, have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She is pregnant.
Third Date: Move in with her, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and live happily ever after eating rice and beans in the Bronx.

Polish Woman

First Date: You go to pick her up, and she isn't home. She gave you the wrong address.
Second Date: You decide to meet at a restaurant. She gets lost getting to the restaurant and then again going home.
Third Date: She's pregnant. She's not sure if its hers.

Korean Woman

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner but nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you have already realized nothing is going to happen.

East-Indian Woman

First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

Nigerian Women

Yoruba
First date: You take her to an Owambe Party, naturally she does not put on an under wear. You have sex with her standing behind a car in the dark end of the street.
Second date: You meet her in a restaurant just ordering a plate of amala and two kpomo, she sees you and orders for salad, chicken, goat meet, turkey, etc. you go to her house and have sex.
Third date: She is pregnant, but not too sure who is responsible.

Ibo
First date: She tells you about her being the first born of the family, and has twelve others to take care of. She eats and drinks, no sex.
Second date: Her father is very sick and needs some money for urgent treatment. She shows you enough just to entice you.
Third date: She has never tried it before, you are going to be the first person; however, she has two kids at home, so promise you will marry me.

Hausa
First date: Get drunk, eat a lot of suya meat, have sex.
Second date: get drunk, eat meat, and have sex.
Third date: Get drunk, have sex; lets get married.

Rivers State
First date: Where do you work, oil or gas company?, Good, go to club, get drunk, have sex.
Second date: Pay for house rent, assist in setting up business. Play along, then off to her house, good sea food, and more sex.
Third date: Informs you of one or two previous kids she has for two different men, and then the big one; she is pregnant for you, consider marriage or my Ijaw brothers will be after you.

Cross Rivers
First date: Rather you eat at home, makes good delicious Edikankon soup with lots of fishes and meat. Cleans up the house everywhere sparkling even before you are out from the gents. Serves you the food nicely, with a lot of sweet soothing words. Goes to the room, makes the bed and bingo, have sex.
Second date: All your cloths washed, the house swept, moped, and dusted. Water to wash up after a hard days job Food is ready before you can change from your work cloth. Sweet words of praises, and swap; have an exhausting marathon sex.
Third date: Cloths washed, house clean as never before, food is ready and served as if in a restaurant, then another exhausting rounds of sex.
You are the one to now ask, "will you marry me".

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister
and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting
and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick-a big eel ;had
gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her eyes
got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he
helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. After a while
they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.

Company Slogans
   

Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms and
keeping
the same Slogans

Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better
Tesco Condoms - every little helps
Nike Condoms - Just do it.
Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.
Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.
KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good.
Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Safeway condoms - Lightening the load.
Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.
Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.
Macintosh condoms - It does more, it costs less, it's that simple
Pringles condoms - once you pop, you can't stop
Burger king condoms - Home of the whopper
Bleep condoms - no comment required.
Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain.
Flash condoms - Just sit back, relax and let flash do all the hardwork.
Halford condoms - we go the extra mile.
Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in about 30
minutes
Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!!
Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach
Carlsburg condoms - probably the best condom in the world
Mars condoms - a condom a day helps you work rest and play
AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service
Pepperami condoms - its a bit of an animal
Polo condoms - the condom with the hole!!! (VERY poor seller!!!)

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
> > When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I
> > decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
> > In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
> > Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the
> > time and threatened suicide.
> > So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
> > When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She
> > was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life
> > became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
> > When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up
> > with her.
> > She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
> > When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet
> > planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious
> > that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
> > I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big t*ts
> >

MY BAD.........
WASN'T MEANT FOR THIS PAGE.


REALLY SORRY.

HMMMMMMMMMM
Nice one

check this out.


A guy in a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun
"Open the f***ing safe" he yells at the girl behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank" she replies. "We don't have any
money; this is a sperm bank".
"Don't argue!.....Open the f***ing safe or I'll blow your head off!"
She obliges and once she's opened the safe door the guy says,
"Take out one of the bottles and drink it".
"But it's full of sperm!" she replies nervously.
"Don't argue just drink it" he says.
She takes the cap off and gulps it down.
"Take out another one and drink it too" he demands.
She takes out another and drinks it as well.

Suddenly the guy pulls off the mask and, to the girl's
amazement, it's her husband. "Not that f***ing difficult, is it!"