₦airaland Forum

PrimadonnaO:
Who agrees with me that the way we go about relationships these days is wrong?

Ideally, this is how the progression should be

Dating◇Courtship◇Marriage.

Dating: This should be the period where you meet someone, you feel like you'd like to know them more, so you agree on a time and place to meet and discuss. You can do this as many times as you want... and with as many persons as you take interest in. This period should be devoid of sex and overt intimacies. This period should primarily be about learning more about the other person...their goals...vision...values...character...likes, dislikes, preferences...upbringing...family background...faith, etc. If all of these things tick and are in resonance with what you represent, and feelings develop, then you proceed to courtship.
N.B Persons who aren't looking at getting married in the nearest future should not bother about the dating phase. It is pointless. For how many years would you continue to have meetings and discuss with someone? This is where trouble and confusion begins. Don't ask to meet a person regularly if you're not looking at something purposeful... This dating period should be from 3 to 6 months max.

Courtship: So from all the persons you've been going on dates with, you may have found one who is most compatible with you...and who you've developed feelings for. This is the point where you can now state your intentions clearly and demand committment. This is when a proper relationship begins. It is purposeful. You have both agreed to marry each other. During this period you consolidate your plans. You reach agreements as to the number of kids you wish to have... you plan about finances, you decide on where you'd live...are you starting out with getting a house on mortgage? You'll start getting to know and build a relationship with the family of the other person... you learn even more about yourselves. You discuss self-development goals...long term family plans...you pray more...read more books on how to build a home and have a fulfilling marriage. You begin to save more towards marriage. At this stage, full commitment is required. It is no longer proper or acceptable for any party to entertain dates or advances from members of the opposite sex. You can discuss your sexual preferences. Co-habiting shouldn't be also. Sex is still not allowed at this point... overt intimacies should still not be. Little acts of fondness are allowed. Between the both of you, decide on the kind of marriage ceremony you want to have... then fix a date... after which you proceed to getting the rest of the family and church involved. Personally, I think it's foolhardy to plan a lucrative wedding when you don't have surplus money. You're just about starting a family... you'd need all the financial resources you can get. Don't spend it all on a wedding and start living from paycheque to paycheque. This period should last between 6 to 8 months.

Marriage Staying faithful to your vows... learning more about your partner...building the family.

I believe if we all stick to this order, we'd have less relationship problems and better marriages. I've come to realise that it's not ideal asking a person to stay committed to you when marriage isn't in view...or perhaps when one person has a different plan. ("Can two walk except they agree?"

* You're asking a person to be committed to you alone and you don't want them feeling entitled.

*You're asking a person to be committed to you
before you both have had the chance to know yourselves well enough. And then you start doing the bf/gf thing only to realise the other person has issues... and you want out, but you can't just do it because it's too early and you know you'll be hurting their feelings.

*You want a person to be committed to you alone and you haven't categorically stated what the end point is. What is the relationship supposed to be all about then? For lack of direction and purpose, y'all end up having sex...until you get tired of each other. That's why you see people in relationships having plan A, B, C.

There's so much to be said... if you do things the right way, you won't feel like you're having sex for free, nobody enters into an accidental marriage because someone got pregnant, she won't ask you for money, you owe her nothing...y'all are seeing other people, too. Nobody would feel short-changed...nobody would wonder if his/her time is being wasted. You'd choose better partners. The first form of any kind of "obligations" begin in courtship.

But you see, we conform a lot... we change and follow trends... it seems like nobody's willing to do things right, so you go with what's obtainable.

I haven't always done it right either. But think about it. We'd all be better off if we do things right... not all these perversions we've come to accept as norms...even when the consequences are staring at us right in the face.

Happy Sunday.

Without any iota of doubt. This is the most sensible post I have ever read on nairaland.
Did you write this?

omodapson:
Please open your eyes, read and understand. I know English could be hard at times.

Are you saying that English is so hard for you that you don't have any understanding of what you typed.
Next time, you should write in your native language, so as to not embarrass yourself beyond proportion.

Episteme2:
This is one act of betrayal. You boss lost in a most unfair, rigged and incredible contest. His court case has just begun and you couldn't even wait for the court to rule before resigning. People are mindlessly insensitive and wicked. Someone's campaign director once purportedly tipped to be SGF if his boss won could not even hide his trachery for a little while. You all had better pray against fair weather friends. They hurt a lot.

Exactly my point. This was the wrong time to resign or retire from politics.
If Atiku had conceded defeat and then he resigns it will not raise so much dust. But the case is still in tribunal and resigning is a subtle way of telling Atiku, to also resign and withdraw his case.
Anyway he claims to have retired from partisan politics. We are watching and in the next few months or years we will know if he is being truthful about all this.

kellyjc:
made up my mind that it should be between me and my wife.....that's till I get married

That is a noble reason. And I suppose you deem yourself not yet stable enough to start a family.
While many will counsel you that it is no big deal, I must tell you most of these counsellors are envious of your self discipline.
Key to containing the sexual burning within you lies in limiting your exposure to the inciting variables. For instance a recovering alcoholic having a meeting in the bar is a trigger to relapse. In the same vein you must limit the amount of sexualized content you are exposed to on the internet, on TV, among friends.
So you must guard your eyes, ears, and very importantly your thoughts. Don't give any of those sexual thoughts a second in your mind.
You must have faith in yourself to stay strong to your resolve. If you could pull it off for this long, then I think you can hold out few more years.
And finally, you need to draw up a timeline for yourself and make sure you prioritize settling down. You don't need to be all made to get married, the power of two can help you get there faster.
I don't know if you're a Christian, so I elected for the practical solutions. There is an interesting hack, if you're a Christian.

kellyjc:
I am 25 years old and still a virgin,I have been having serious thought about my sexual life to the extent of having wet dreams especially when ever I am alone or less busy.please I need your advice on how to go about it.I not yet ready for sex now,but need to know how to control my lustful feelings.

You say you are not yet ready and that is the deciding factor on the kind of advice I would give you.
So why do you think you're not yet ready?

Nigeria and all round quackery.

Bighead9:
This Guy rigged himself into Imo's Government house. He stole Senator Hope Uzodinma the APC candidate's mandate. But I know the electoral tribunal will upturn this election.

Are those lines from a movie script?

chiipink:
Eiyaa.. Seems this guy is a very simple man.
I hope he delivers though.

Anyways nomatter how bad he is, he cant be as bad as Rocha's,..
Rocha's is just like buhari they broke record and set high standards with bad governance.
None can beat them

Savagery at it's best.

While most Catholics hold tenaciously to the phrase "Mary Mother of God", a lot of Christians have come to argue against that statement and has seen it as largely fallacious that a human could be attributed to be the mother of God thus "exalting" a human above God.

In the 5th century a controversy arose when Nestorius the Bishop of Constantinople argued that Mary could have only been the mother of Christ (the human Jesus) and by so doing isolated the personalities of Jesus, separating his divine nature from his human nature. Eventually in the wake of the controversies that arose, the Council of Ephesus who wouldn't reconcile the splitting of Jesus into two distinct persons officially recognized that Jesus is one person, with two natures; human and divine united in a true union. Hence the Council affirmed that the Blessed Virgin Mary can rightfully be called the Mother of God.

From the biological standpoint, a fetus is formed by the union of the sperm and the ova. But with in vitro fertilization, a fetus can be planted in the uterus after it has been fertilized and such mothers are known as surrogate mothers, though they didn't contribute to the essence of life, they carried and nurtured it to term and that doesn't make them less of a mother.

With the knowledge of surrogacy, we can preserve the human and divine nature of Jesus in one person and agree that the Virgin Mother is a surrogate mother.

omodapson:
Why did he forget to include the 14 APC senators that defected to PDP but failed in their bid to return to the senate? Why did he fail to include the name of Ben Murray Bruce? Mr. Reno, please remove the log in your eyes first.
Oh, I forgot, he would say those ones were rigged out. #loquacious Reno.

You see the danger of rushing to comment without having all the information.

You didn't even know that Ben Murray Bruce did not contest to go back to the Senate because he complied with the zoning agreement of his senatorial district.

pat077:
They should make him DSP

DSP wey Remi don collect already in za oda room.

stefanweeks:
This guy get mind o

Him been still won go contest

Just count yourself lucky you made it back to the house

You can ask Saraki and Sani

Sani did not stand a chance ab initio. So don't even count him.

garfield1:
Oga,he didnt meet the two third requirement.

Are you wailing or what?

IloveToMess:
My dear if you are not from imo then you shouldn't be making assertions and drawing statistics from the blues like you are doing.

Yes there could be voter apathy and it all boils down to the fact that all aspirants are heavy weights and can hold their ground, it's just a matter of who gets votes according to how you are loved by your people. Trust me if Ihedioha becomes Governor and eventually messes up in office I am very sure he would lose his second term, that's the time you'd know that his Mbaise votes alone can't secure him victory in IMO.

I am in Owerri presently, so I have a right to make assertions.

But do you agree that his Mbaise votes was the decider?

IloveToMess:
My friend you are from mbaise that's why you are talking sentimentally the way you are doing. Which Mbaise are Kingmakers, you see this is why IMO people don't like you people, you have not been declared winner yet and you are already calling yourselves kingmakers, kingmakers since when? Orlu people that have been producing governors for ages now never called themselves king makers in IMO, instead of you to see the real picture here that IMO people do not want Rochas empire and dynasty that's why his son in-law is hated politically, and Hope is also losing because of the APC bad image factor among Igbos and also because Orlu zone has had the seat quite long enough and people want a shift, another factor also is that he cannot rig easily coming from the same zone as Rochas hence there is split of vote/rigging there. Ararume and Ohakim are both political abominations in IMO and so are not options either, all these are the reasons IMO people's choice and victory can easily rest on the PDP.

If Ihedioha likes let him not redeem the image of the Mbaise when he becomes Governor, let him misbehave or do anyhow na so the whole state go unite against Mbaise and that will mark the end of you people politically in IMO state. If you like take it if you like leave it. Enough said.
I am from Ikeduru by the way.

You see that's where you are wrong. You are assuming that I am an Mbaise man. I'm just giving you the statistics, remove the massive Mbaise votes and he won't even have majority again. Now that's the relevance of Mbaise votes in this election.

But clearly the vote apathy still remains, Igbo people generally are usually not keen on coming out to cast their votes as demonstrated in the low turnout of less than 50% in most LGA.

Yes Orlu as a whole have been kingmakers in previous elections but they were not keen on this election and the deciding votes fell to Mbaise. When I say, they are the kingmakers it is in credence to my earlier assertion that they made up almost 50% of his votes and would have the feeling that "we made you governor". Do you understand my definition of kingmaker.

Maybe you need to go back to my comment and reread it knowing I am not an Mbaise man.

IloveToMess:
Bia guy don't make people regret voting Ihedioha with all this your mbaise mbaise nonsense. If they leave you people alone and Rochas to slog it out you can't defeat him one bit oo, look at his second term election, Ihedioha fought cat and dog yet Rochas defeated him. You should be thankful to the people of IMO state who desperately desire change and have voted massively for Ihedioha despite him being from the most despised people of Igboland, the Mbaises....

When ihedioha assumes office if he likes let him listen to people like you and misbehave then by next four years only Mbaise will vote for him in 2023..

You're not from Imo nor are you in Imo state. If you did, then you would know that Rochas first tenure was fair and there were no atrocities. A large number of the people were not dissented against him and did vote for him again until his atrocious second tenure damaged all his reputations.

I bet Ihedioha knew he would not win in 2014 but decided to do warm up for this current election.

Now in elections there is what is called the deciding votes, and Mbaise showed some untity and interesting turn out. Though Ihedioha won in 11 LGAs as opposed to 10 LGAs of Nwosu but his vote from Mbaise alone (3 LGAs) was almost 50% of the total votes he got. So you'll agree with me that if he was not an Mbaise man he would have lost and Mbaise people are right to beat their chests and say "We made you governor".

And maybe from this exercise Mbaise people have carved their names in history as kingmakers.

All we can hope for now is that Ihedioha does not f.uck up.

krattoss:
Ain't got much time again..

Ite missa est

This result is incorrect though. But almost a mirror reflection of the real figure.

garfield1:
The election will end in a runoff.both wont get up to 25% in 18 lgas.

25% of votes cast in each LGA? Actually, both of them got up to that. Majority now is the decider and PDP leads AA with about 88k votes.

Actually Rochas did have a good outing, he showed he is a rigging commando but unfortunately when the people are against you. Rigging becomes a herculean task.

StaffofOrayan:
We else remembers when comedians used to joke that Nigerians love life so much we can never be suicide bombers, how things have changed!

Not when there is 72 virgins at stake.

Oyimeoyimemua:
Yes, the election has been declared INCONCLUSIVE by inec... Thank you for the clarity

So the margin of victory is not convincing?

Onyi22:
Me can't do without sex ooooo

I guess we should clap for you then. I suppose you're not married.

Oyimeoyimemua:
It was cancelled and I think that was fair enough

It wouldn't be fair to the person who truly won there. Anyway they will keep it in view and declare the election inconclusive and then those thugs that came would strategize to execute their evil plot perfectly in the rerun.

Wait! It looks like Next Level is synonymous with 72 virgins and a sea of wine.

He should be somewhere enjoying his 72 virgins and sipping from his sea of wine with a straw.

The chat history does not show she beats him. Well she is worried about the husband and should be rightly.

At least he should tell her when he won't be disposed to chat as to put her mind to rest.

When a man becomes tired of a woman, he sparingly converses with her nor makes effort to talk with her and the chat clearly show that. It is obvious he was tired of the marriage, and the who abuse narrative is only a way to not feel guilty about the divorce.

LadyHeaven:
My cousin went to Alausa to get an international passport last week Wednesday she met someone in the admin section who told her it was scarce and she would have to wait for 2-3 months but if she could pay 50k it would be done express, but since she couldn't afford it she left, on Thursday she went to Ikoyi passport office where she met an officer that told her he could assist her for 35k to pick up in one week (His uniform had 3 stripes), she says she went for capturing yesterday and was asked to pay extra 2k to push her file, she did and was captured and the officer told her she would pick up on Friday (tomorrow), but this morning when we where together he called and said she has to pay extra 25k to get it urgent because the booklets are changing to the 70k 10 year ones and the booklets are limited. He then said she should bring 15k while he brings 10k because he is trying to help and he gave her his words.

Now i wonder how she would spend over 52k for a 32 booklet passport, moreover which immigration official can be that nice to claim he would add 10k for her?

She has his pictures, bank details, messages and phone records, but i don't know what her next line of action should be, i feel he is a bloody liar, but this is Nigeria anything goes.

Pls advice what her next step should be, should she let it go and wait till the collection date written on the print out (27th march) though what she intended to apply for would have since passed or does she challenge him, if yes how?

Let her to tell him that she doesn't even have #1,000 to give again. And that she would be okay to wait till that 27th but that if he is trying to play her, she will make a formal complaint and publish her ordeal on social media with his name and pictures.

That immigration officer is a coldblooded scammer.

LexngtonSteele:
Very untrue. If they have probable cause, they can and they will.

"Probable cause " is what Police abuse worldwide even in US.

We Africans meekly submit to such searches abroad and form tigers here.

A Nigerian Dr, Cyprian Okoro was caught with bestial porn with this kind of check on his phone

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/london-doctor-convicted-over-extreme-whatsapp-porn-stash-including-man-having-sex-with-snake-a3334831.html

Do you realize how hard it will be for that police officer to prove probable cause for searching your phone.

lefulefu:
looking for? Lol a number of nigerian men in the US married with kids still come to nigeria to search for home based wives.

That's stupid. So they now have home based wife, that they only get to be with at the very best one month in a year.

ivolt:
I pity this woman.
The US law heavily favors the poor, that is why many people are running from marriages or signing prenups.
If he goes to court for divorce, she should be ready to pay alimony for a very long time.

The only way the husband is getting an alimony is if he can prove that the marriage led him into making sacrifices that affected his income. For instance a man who had to stay at home to take care of the children while the wife worked and made career advancements that positioned her to have a much higher income than the husband, might be entitled to alimony in the event of a divorce.

Divorces are always complex and usually relies heavily on how good your divorce lawyer is.

But I'm certain, the husband will have to pay for child support as long as the wife has custody.

victorian:
Nooooo!

Don't shoot your shot! Please!

I'm done with the shots ! Make I breathe biko.

You don't have to worry about me. I would rather not go somewhere than to go at the rush hour.

If they would not allow them to scan the ballot papers and do a forensic audit then what will they gain from inspection alone.

The key to uncovering the rigging lies in the evaluation of the ballot papers to ascertain uniqueness of each fingerprint that voted. Because the accusation is that there was massive thumb printing by singular entities on multiple ballot papers.

The tribunal by denying prayers 3 to 5, just sabotaged this petition on arrival.

It is over for Atiku and PDP.

victorian:
True but that doesn't mean , I will agree to all the shots! Haba! You wan kee me?

Even till few minutes ago, more shots are still coming in from Facebook, Nairaland , and Instagram , cos I post this pic .

Just this pic o!

Sighs .. Can't one admire herself in peace and flaunt it?

We live life once ! Biko

Now you're inciting me to shoot my own shot.

Of course you should flaunt what you got while we watch and salivate from a distance.

sexiestharam:
She was 6 years when she got missing, not 3. I remember things that happened when i was 2. There are very few people like me who exist. Not everyone forgets everything from 4 to below. Some of us have extraordinary memory that are unexplainable.

Smart girl. So can you tell us some interesting stories from when you were 2 years of age.