₦airaland Forum

I agree. Women are not that complicated, you don't even need to command it out of her. She will love and respect you completely.

ibkayee:
Ok fair point, respect isn’t the word I should’ve used since you can respect your husband without having to take on the ‘assistant’ role lol. I should’ve just said if he plays his part well, you don’t need to tell her submit twice, given that’s what she wants to do. I’ll change it

There is nothing like "what does submission mean to you?" the word submission only means one thing "to yield to a higher authority". The meaning of the world will NEVER change no matter how much some Nigerian women dance around it when asked. Most Nigerian women will start by " I believe i should submit BUT" because they don't want to be bashed for rejecting that word or they start with "I am a christian so I have to BUT" most women will NOT subscribe to the real definition of 'Submission'. As you can see with the responses on this thread, most will start with standard "I believe women should submit but" will then go on to explain scenarios that are NOT submissive ones

For example is just like how some women will say "I am not a feminist because" and then go on to describe feminism, all because they don't want to be tagged with the 'dirty' word. See as some women on this thread are ascribing non submissive scenarios to the word "submissive" because women have been conditioned that respect and submission mean the same thing.

The right question will be "do you subscribe to submission in a marriage?" NO. RESPECT is much better.

UyaiIncomparabl:
What does submission mean to you?

I reported him. Please report him too.

UyaiIncomparabl:
YOU ARE SICK! Stay off her private life!

What you just typed is NOT submission. You just typed you don't believe in the real definition of submission. You don't want to be against the word 'submission' because Nigerian society has conflated submission and respect. Those mean two different things. So you think if you say I wont submit then it must mean I wont respect my husband, which is not true. Submit is submit, meaning you have to YEILD to a higher authority.

ibkayee:
Biblically, the man is in charge of his home and the woman is his helpmate/‘support system’/whatever lol.

Problem is a lot people ignorantly, deviously and sometimes innocently mistake this to mean complete complete control and a lack of say on her part.

To me, it does not mean she is supposed to simply agree with everything he says and/or he make unilateral decisions without communicating them with her, he is meant to take her opinions into consideration whilst representing as the head. She is not supposed to follow blindly or completely lose her independence, her role is to guide him on his path of leadership. If you subscribe to that, cool no problem. I personally don’t see any problem with it if she’s doing it WILLINGLY and he actually deserves it.

Deserves it as per playing his part well by loving her ‘sacrificially’, providing, protecting, being understanding etc. The wife is supposed to submit under these circumstances. Problem is most guys demanding this aren’t playing their part, when a woman is being treated well you won’t even need to tell her twice before she respects (different to fear) you and ‘submits’ willingly with love. Respect is earned, when you respect someone you want to listen to what they say, when you fear someone you’re only compliant because you think you have no other choice.

There are couples who aren’t into this dynamic and their marriages are faring well. It depends on the individuals. If both husband and wife are into it, cool, if both husband and wife prefer another approach, also cool also, problem is when it’s bring forced on someone or being manipulated to suit selfish interests

[quote author=laudate post=79066230][/quote]

wow... your post is just all over the place no coherent thought or logic " I will not be dictated by a ring" WTF? hahahaha I just can't this fine Thursday morning.

At the end of the day you are a lonely uneducated and miserable person that spends all her time on the internet hating on strangers' lives, same lifestyle you wish you had. This would be my last reply to you because I know this back and forth with you has been the most attention you have ever received in your pathetic life. It's like talking in an empty room, you have no substance.

chineloSA:
I think you should read where it all started and why I quoted the bible.

You reckon I am miserable when you went and dug up a thread from 2018 . Who is miserable here?


So you need to box people just because they have kids. I can never be boxed. I am against premarital whoring. Period. Sounds like you who.red and gained a bustard that's why you are pained.

There is nothing vile about commenting on issues that are put by you and fellow who.res for public sympathy and consumption. She purposely got the kid out of wedlock and carries on to use the child to gain sympathy and attention and also makes money.

I wished disease for a couple I am bitter . I spend time on the net on other people's issues
I am far from bitter and all you described.

I never post anything personal on the net for public consumption and for likes and comments. The people who matter to me are the ones who know my victories and struggles. And hell NO I don't have to display and explain to a whole stranger whats going on in my life. I don't seek approval from strangers hence I don't post. Sola ( you ) seeks comments and approval hence she gets it.

I doubt you understand how Nairaland works. If the thread is on front page I will comment if I want to. I didn't go looking for Sola with her big forehead just to comment on her who.ring life. I wouldn't. If it was not for Wizkid no one would know who she is. She is a none entity looking for sympathy because she opened her legs in her youth for a man who was not even her half committed boyfriend.

There is no married woman who can do what? Rubbish I will comment how I want to comment and I will not be dictated by a ring and a certificate.

How contradicting, you said I don't have independent views yet you expect me to behave like a married woman. How stupid. You expect me to have my views yet you box me into a marriage box.

I behave like me. My views are clear I dislike who.res who go around making babies for people they are not married to , only for them to cry for sympathy in future. Those who.res destroy futures of their children, future marriages of their baby daddies and they are just good for nothing.

imaginary marriage and life. No love. I don't live an imaginary life, not all of us have to pretend on the net. Some of us live real lives out of social media without any pressure to look and behave a particular way. It's total BLISS. You should try it.

I am so lucky and blessed to be already married to my best friend. He loves me vile as I come. Bless my forefathers. I am completely blessed. Over 5 years into this marriage thing and we going strong. No bastards. No baby mama who.res. Just us.

hahahaha you are very funny.

why do you keep quoting the bible to me? I am agnostic. For someone that claims to not be a christian you sure are quoting the holy book for your facts, (same quotes you say you don't believe in) which shows that you are ignorant and dumb because you don't even have your own independent views. I am not Sola and I don"t have to be Sola to know that it is only a vile human being that will talk about an innocent child like that. I have read your other posts and I saw a comment where you wished disease on a happy married couple. You know what that means? it means you are a very bitter person that is a loser in real life and spends her whole life on the internet hating on the successes of people that don't even know you exist. I know your type, misery loves company, because you are miserable in your pathetic little life you want other people to join you. I am sure you live your best deluded life on the internet, there is no way a married woman with children will refer to innocent children in such an evil and callous way. If you free yourself of this bitterness maybe a man might just look your way.

chineloSA:
Social media can be educative and entertaining too. Low key who.res like you who put their lives out there for us to consume are part of education. Some of us observe with disgust and learn from your who.rish ways.

I am not responsible for your past choices and decisions. So you are directing your anger to the wrong person.

Of course I teach my kids to make intelligent decisions. I teach them that all choices and decisions have consequences. That's what your mama never taught you until you who red your way to Wizkid. Lastly I teach them to avoid your kids because they spell trouble. Anyone who didn't grow up around both exemplary parents spells trouble.

I hope you have read Wisdom of Solomon from your Christian bible. It curses the byproduct of your who.rish ways.

bla bla bla your life is interesting yet you are spending your time on the internet to hate on an innocent child. I hope you are not teaching your children this hateful behavior.

chineloSA:
Debate with your bible. Even then Africans never condoned children out of wedlock. It was a taboo.

Random or not, if someone decides to splash their lives on the net for our consumption, there is nothing a random like you can do about it.

My life is so interesting doll. Very interesting and busy. I had even forgotten I once made a comment about this low life random celebrity.

The way you are so defensive I can tell it hits home and you opened this account just release your bile on me. You are probably Shola.

Enjoy your bastard. I have no bastard. I waited for marriage.

Please go to the hospital!! your health is very important no one can help you here on Nairaland. DO you have financial issues? is that why a nurse instead of a doctor performed the abortion? If so, please look for a government clinic immediately!

Ode so you will deny your innocent children the benefits of being US citizens, a status that will benefit their future, because you hate their mother. So you are basically punishing YOUR children not their mother because she is grown and has lived her life and she too travels and has her businesses. So you are cutting of YOUR nose to spite your face.

You are a real olodo

tydi:
Why will he do that?? so the useless woman that left him when he was struggling as a carpenter can benefit from the proceeds of his sweats because she bore him children.. She deserves every damn thing she is getting from the man.. He is smart.. His children can come and visit him with all trip expenses paid by him. Which after they can go back to their mother in 9ja . Is that too much to ask? Olodo

Only if they can prove they got it legally and not money laundering.

smartsk:
Will the money be returned to the owners?

Then take your OWN counsel and read very slowly, the part he vehemently REFUSES to file for US citizenship for his children because his wife might benefit from it.

Olodo.

tydi:
Lazy yoot you did not read this part ;
Though Ojo had nothing as a carpenter, the little he made from his business, he gave to her and the kids. Moreso, Iyabo was getting proceeds from her grandfather’s estate, so the situation wasn’t as bad as she painted it

Olodo

No need. Her intentions were very clear and the mods and other readers saw through her. She believes that women can NEVER be raped in a marriage.

armyofone:
Repost but frame it in a way people would not mistake your intentions. Good morning!

hahahahaha what you just typed makes absolutely NO sense! you are speaking from both sides of your mouth. So you say marriage gives blanket consent then on another hand you are saying a wife can seek redress if she is physically injured in the course of an unwanted sexual contact. so if a husband wants to collect on a pre-consented sex because he is married (according to you) but for whatever reason the woman is not in the mood but he has his way with her anyway after-all the act is 'sanctioned' by God, what do you think will happen?

You are a very confused lol, I am happy that many people on this thread disagreed with you men AND women, please quit while you still have some dignity left. Most men aren't barbaric, they rather have sex with a wife that physically and emotionally wants them, not a wife that will just lay there on the bed and be emotionally removed from the act, because she has been brainwashed that she has no right to her own body.

bukatyne:
The summary was that marriage provides consent to both parties so there can be no rape which is sex without consent.

However, in the course of sex, the husband/wife can force the other party who would sustain injuries. For instance, a husband can physically abuse his wife in the quest of sex.

The aggrieved party should seek redress as it shows the marriage has issues.

ha! I see you you have no answer for me because you absolutely have no clue what you are talking about. When you have the answer to my question then you can come back and quote me.

bukatyne:
Are you telling me that you can't stand your ground and politely refuse giving men you have no interest in your numbers?

Ok then, keep giving.

Staged!

She has looked fresher and younger since she became single. Some marriages are toxic. She looks really good here.

First "temporal" is not the word you meant to use, try "temporary" unless you are talking of time travel.

I am sorry to disappoint you but 'good' girls find their level and you are uncouth, ignorant, illiterate and lack class so I don't think a 'good' girl will ever look at you twice, you are just not up to snuff

Gratefulheart01:
If i talk now, some people will tag me hater.

Most of these girls are useless bitches; know that hoes ain't loyal; spend less on them; see them as temporal disposable objects; use and dump.

And when you wan marry, try your hardest best to patiently look for the good girls. Let all these mumu boys who always say they don't care about virgins go and marry the useless girls and later come back to say he wan drink poison after him eye don see pepper.

Once again, never forget the golden rule. Bitches for fck, good girls for wife.
The wise marry the good girls while mumu boys marry the fairly used useless bitches!

A word is enough for the wise. PEACE!

I read all him/her replies and they didn't come across as bragging they read more like frustrations at the other poster saying women are lying. As a woman, I also relate. Some men take No and leave you alone but some will pester you so much that it can be very stressful. I am not proud to admit that I have done the give and ignore but i had no choice lol. There is nothing wrong in having an honest open dialogue by both sexes, none are completely innocent. Some girls indeed do play games while some men don't know how to take no gracefully that's the conundrum we face in the dating scene.

Godoverevery:
see am not saying you giving ur number just to save yourself the stress is bad infact I no some guys can be very stupid......we all know that and we see it every day but I just think is not something to brag about like you have been saying it...... you making it seem has if you are doing a big deal giving ur number and later blocking.....I think there nothing to talk about in that....it aiin't the end of the world.

bukatyne:
I have met a number of Nigerian men and I did not give them my number.

No body except a psychotic stalker can force you to give him your number except deep down you want to for whatever reason. If a guy thinks he is entitled to a girl's number, chances are that the girl has given him the green light knowingly or unknowingly.

Afterall, same guys later become friendzoned for recharge cards and any other thing the girls can dream up.

Let me ask, of what use is deleting the guy's number when he has yours and can reach you whenever he wants to?

Pray tell please what are the signs a girl can give off that will make a guy think he is entitled to her number? Let me know so I can stop giving off those signs. You might be onto something here, please let me go and share this nugget of wisdom to all my beautiful ladies that were just minding their business and still got harassed for their numbers.

Ok. A human being is still NOT illegitimate and you are still a random person on the internet judging someone that does not know you exist. Channel all that energy to your life.

chineloSA:
What am idiot. Did you ever understand what I said? Did I even claim to be God? I quoted the said bible that Christians use. Check the two verses I quoted and come and argue with me.

" I don't believe in that don't judge rubbish blah blah blah" it makes you Christian idiots run away from accounting for anything you do.

Christianity is for idiots like you whose lives are directed by a book written by some white man. I quoted your book. Idiot.

Well that's your opinion, it's NOT a fact. If you want to live a life of not having autonomous right to your OWN body that's your cup of tea. Thank God society does NOT agree with you. As society is becoming more progressive more countries are starting to recognize the need for autonomous rights and are making laws to protect those rights. Your breed is dying as we move away from the stone ages. Thank God!

bukatyne:
Sex in marriage is NOT a privilege; it is a right.

A man willing to deny his OWN children a good future because he hates their mother tells me all I need to know about him. For a man to be that vindictive to his own children tells me he was not as innocent as his friends are trying to make him out out to be.

I know this is an unpopular opinion but I actually like her. I also like her IGAF stance to Nigerians. Nigerians should leave this girl alone she is not the first and wont be the last woman to marry a much older rich man and it seems the man is not trying to change her at all. At the end of the day its her life to live, Nigerians are also hypocrites most would do what she did if they had the opportunity.

Number one you are not even making a lot of sense. I doubt English is your first language. Yes! I am teaching my son to respect women and for him not to be entitled! and for him to know that he has NO right to a woman's body, just like his father treats his mother and how I saw My father treat my mother. yes marital sex is a privilege NOT a right, I am sorry that you were taught differently growing up.

Sometimes, I wonder if you people were raised by wolves! talking about raping your wife because she is not momentarily interested in sex, animals!

essenceplus:
Indeed. You folks will learn
Coting I did just made me passed it over without reading. Folks should learn how to own comment without enforcing ideas on people


Ibjumped over a part and I saw sex with marriage being a privilege. Lol. You folks are exhuberating the same errors I talked about. Good luck. You will learn your sons will grow to marry, when their wives do the act with them you'll reflect then

Yea, you did "One thing I find consistent in most cases, is one party hordes it weaponizes it which then creates the atmosphere for forceful getting." Sorry marriage is NOT consent. No human being has the right to another human beings body. I actually pity your wife or your future wife if you are not married.There is NO scenario where rape is justified, whether someone hoards sex or not. Sex with your wife is NOT a right but a privilege. How do you even enjoy the sex when one party is not interested? that is sick and twisted.

essenceplus:
Who justified rape?

That first line even discouraged me from reading.


Best regards. Learn to comprehend before rushing to type.

Well.. Thank God you are NOT God. NO human being is illegitimate. Go and face your own hardships and leave a woman does not even know you exist alone. What happened to "don't judge lest you be judged"

chineloSA:
"raised a king" Wait till past 20yrs and come and tell us.
If I was her I will cease to publicise my struggles and victories and just focus on God to help me in private.

No matter how many enconiums she writes and illegitimate child is illegitimate. The same God and bible promise that illegitimate children will face hardships.If I was her I will spend my life focusing on praying for God's forgiveness and wisdom to raise my child. All this social network flaunting and pride of having an illigitimate child will humble her.

Wisdoms of Solomon 3:13-19 and
Wisdom of Solomon 4:1-3

Really? Tracy Morgan that has been in the game for almost 3 decades, was a regular cast of SNL for seven years, main cast in 30 rock for seven seasons and has appeared in numerous movies. Already had luxury cars way before the accident. Tracy that already had a net worth of multiple millions. Writer and producer of many sitcoms. The settlement was sealed, how do you know the amount?

Also, what does "Black people sha" mean?!!!

UncleJudax:
Tracy Morgan! Still feeding on that Wallmart money.

Black people sha...$2 million?