₦airaland Forum

Donald3d:
I hope you get my point now.

No, I don’t get your point.

Are you saying because you think pregnant women can’t handle being on site so women shouldn’t be employed as engineers? So they shouldn’t be hired because of their sex?

If you had a company would you hire a female engineer?

I am not sure how it works in the medical field, but I am guessing a physically pregnant surgeon would not be allowed to operate on someone's brain. Someone else would have to take her place, whether another woman or a man. So should we demand for equal rights because she was relieved of her job ?

So a woman should be fired because she has to take a 3-6 months leave to give birth??

Donald3d:
In some cases it is.

For example women clamor for equal opportunities in engineering, in some cases its almost impossible.

Imagine a woman being one of the most important engineers on a site and she suddenly gets pregnant and she vomits everyday on site , a replacement has to be gotten, that might affect the speed of the project.

This is just an example, I am not saying women should not be given opportunities in engineering.

So even with equal opportunities, they have to be done within a "reasonable context".

You’re a feminist then you should know the bolded doesn’t align with the core definition of feminism. There shouldn’t be any restriction or condition that would prevent equal access and opportunities.

A woman shouldn’t be denied a job because of an implicit bias (women are limited by pregnancy) 1. Not all women want children; 2. Not all pregnant women are too ‘weak’ to do their job.

OP, as long as there are men/women that believe women shouldn’t have equal access to opportunities and deny women their freedom of choice, feminism will always be needed. It’s one thing for laws to be passed, it’s another for them to be enforced. There are sexist people in positions of power and authority that are supposed to enforce these laws. Also, every law have loopholes that can make discrimination perfectly legal, these are taken advantage of by sexist people. It’s a constant battle to call out discrimination, prosecute/sue the perpetuators and continue to fight for laws to close those loopholes.

Mine is disabled. Some people can be very annoying and demanding on how quick or fast you should respond to their messages.

xrayj:
It is usually when one is alone
Just like a meditation session, else people might mistake u for a mad person

Lol true. I do mostly inner monologues anyway.

Juell:
Sure I do that, and actually talking to yourself it's not only an introvert thing.

Yea, I know.

Do you do it when you’re alone?

xrayj:
Yea i misconstrued your question
I used to do it, but not anymore
I believe when one gets to certain age, he/she will stop

Really? Why do you think people will stop at a certain age?

Theundertaker:
I do it a lot , when I am alone before someone comes around Nd calls me crazy . I do it sometimes on the road thou and when I am caught It’s so embarrassing. It is something I can’t stop, I give up

I do it when I am alone. When I’m around other people I have an inner monologue.

Do you daydream?

xrayj:
If they are very free with the person they are discussing with, they can voice out loudly, but not always.

lol I meant talking to yourself.

Any introverts here talk to themselves out loud?

ayobamiJR:
First, he's always sitted by my side while I design graphics and will be there correcting my typos when I write movie scripts.

The pay at the Tutorial center is low and the conditions there is depressive and I'm thinking of bringing him in to work with me.

We are both Ssce level

He should keep his tutor job and work with/for you part time.

Your properties - write a will and/or add his name as a co-owner to the properties you want him to keep when you’re gone. Preferably a will you can change when things go sour.

Your best friend is lucky to have you, be sure he’s deserving of your generosity before you make all these changes. Relationships/friendships change and people can surprise you.

Miarose:
@OP,

It all about love. Have you not seen that Nigerians are incapable of true love? If there is no gain, then no love. Save your strength.. wickedness will not allow them understand.

This.

Fake story written by a male on NL. This is supposed to be a moral story to the central theme here on NL. Women/friends that advise you not to tolerate a controlling abusive man do not heed their own advise. So, disregard a good advise because the source is a hypocrite.

The girl in the fiction, had no business dating her controlling and abusive college boyfriend, she is also responsible for all the other choices she made thereafter.

Yes, no big deal in pouring water in their drinking cups but chastising you in front of his friend was tactless. Men that rebuke their SO in front of an audience do so to prove they’re in control of the relationship.

The telling you what your roles are as a woman, the use of his mother as a threat etc already gives you an idea of what kind of husband he will be, so it’s your choice.

To add, to avoid future disagreements you guys can follow a general etiquette. The one who cooks, sets the table and serves the food. The non cook clears the table and washes the dishes.

MrBrownJay1:
NO straight man will be attracted to a woman with a pen1s, NONE!!! if you are, then you are just lying to your own self (about your sexuality) that you are straight, while you aint. again, the reason why rich men with beautiful wives at home can fukc their ugly disgusting looking maids is because we get turned on by physical attributes... thus, if a man rather watch women with dikcs than real women with coochie, then that person is most definitely gay (or bisexual at best).... there is no question about it.

lol okay then, humanity is grateful you aren’t the one that defines sexuality.

Human sexuality can be complicated, it’s not as simple and straightforward as we’ve been socialized to believe.

IRL, have you ever been sexually attracted to a man? If no, then you aren’t gay. Your preference in a particular genre of porn doesn’t always determine your sexuality. Porn isn’t real life it’s acting, genres are directed differently, maybe you like the way trans porn is acted and directed. Most straight women that watch porn prefer lesbian porn not because they are lesbians but because lesbian porn is directed differently than heterosexual porn. Heterosexual porn is directed to target male audience, it isn’t female friendly.

OP, the word “tranny” is a slur.

MrBrownJay1:
you cant compare male sexuality with females sexuality...we view sex differently....but if a man is turned on by looking at a dikc, then chances are he is gay and/or bisexual at best.

True I can’t speak on male sexuality because I am not a man and it’s also true that straight women are less likely to be turned off by homosexuality than straight men. What is also true is, this isn’t true for All.

If OP isn’t attracted to men IRL then he isn’t gay, period. Porn is acting, most flicks aren’t the way real people would have sex. It’s scripted and dramatized to target a specific audience.

Also, sexuality is complicated, a peen is not what makes a man nor a vagina a woman. Men that are attracted to trans women identify as heterosexual while men that are attracted to trans men identify as gay.

The husband has the upper hand in the marriage, so obviously the wife’s family will be as cordial/respectful as possible not to enrage the husband and his family. It’s the same reason husbands don’t have issues with their mothers-in-law.

To talk about the horrible Nigerian mother-in-law stereotype objectively, a better comparison would be the relationship between the father-in-law and the wife.

grandstar:
They do demand a DNA test if you claim the children are biologically yours. They just want to confirm you are not lying by sneaking out someone else's child which is very common.

I know that but that’s not what the tweet says. It’s a grown man petitioning for his grown parents and siblings.

jelel6:
I get your point. However, with stories you hear about couples who "changed" after marriage, it's safe to say you can't 'KNOW' anything apart from what people want you to know.

True.

eyinjuege:
Yes, I remember an uncle who had to do DNA test in order to bring his children over several years ago. The children were already in their teens and were all from different mothers and one of them failed the test.
He took the ones that passed and we never really understood why he would abandon this child in Nigeria, wasn't sending money for school fees etc until decades later when he confessed to my mum that the child wasn't his
Meanwhile, the child (who is early 40s now, so not a child ) was close to me , my family etc and s(he) never knew till date why the "father" remains so detached and unsupportive. The mum in nigeria is yet to reveal the truth.

Oh wow! That’s sad for them not to know why their ‘father’ is detached. The least the mom would’ve done was to give them closure. For all these years, to make them think the father didn’t want them is very cruel.

Although, some men are able to isolate the deceit of the mother and continue to love the child or at least pretend to so the child who’s also a victim doesn’t suffer.

eyinjuege:
Exactly.
I've never heard DNA requirement for parents or even siblings.
They do it for your children, if they're in Nigeria and you want to bring them to the US.

This! The tweet is probably false but paternity fraud happens so let me not get in the way of a good NL story lol

iwaeda:
It could be a pending application before Feb. ban

True. The DNA part though...

The DNA scandal story usually trends the opposite. A birth certificate is what is required. Since he filed same time then all birth certificates showing a common parent is all that is needed. The definition of parent or sibling isn’t only biological.

Is this story even true? Hasn’t Trump banned issuance of immigration visas for Nigerians? Since when has a DNA being required to petition for your parents? Petition for siblings is not automatic, it has an extremely long waitlist like 10+ years but siblings might require DNA though as a secondary proof but it’s rare.

Has anyone successfully petitioned for their parents since Trump’s ban went into effect in February? (This is a real question nothing to do with the OP)

Mariangeles:
Ladies! Ladies!! Ladies!!!
Never ever move in with a man you're not married to to avoid "see finish"

Ekwuchalam!

I never really understood this concept. I understand if it’s against your religion or ‘morals’ not to live with your boyfriend. Don’t you want to know how your potential husband will act when he has seen you finish? Isn’t marriage a whole big see finish??

Brown - Coffee brown is my favorite color.

OP, really?? Why start an ‘anniversary’ thread when their anniversary is six months away? What’s your real motive?

It’s good you cut all contacts with him and it should remain so. It was a very good decision not because he’s gay or he can turn you gay, no one can make you gay if you’re not sexually attracted to men, but because he was a horrible person that sought sexual favors for help rendered (sounds familiar?). He crossed the line, you and your family should continue to stay far away from him.

Now the determination to lose the weight is out of the window and I’m stuck with a curse.

Yes we all wish our partners remain hot forever but the tone in your post is not one of a lover. You sound like someone who just discovered that the fancy car he bought was a dud.

Just because she was slim after delivery doesn’t mean the pregnancy didn’t mess with her appetite. You can develop a very huge appetite postpartum, so it’s not like she’s deliberately ‘indisciplined’, especially if she was capable of maintaining a healthy weight during her pregnancy.

You need to be patient and help your wife get in shape. She’s also suffering. Since you do the cooking, make healthy meals, and let her do the errands sometimes.

A Nigerian man’s ego is tied to his net-worth. Telling a Naija man with money not to flaunt or impress a girl with money is like telling him not to breathe.

It’s a damn shame.

I made comments on this thread,

https://www.nairaland.com/5825659/fine-art-being-baboon#89009781

it was a post on the toxicity in Nigerian culture and the author highlights this toxic behavior.

We learnt that you can rape and subsequently blackmail a girl into becoming your girlfriend.

We learnt that if a girl visits you, she's asking for it.

He went on to add Nigerian men and women are products of our toxic culture and Nigerian women normalize it. I disagreed with the author because I thought he was victim blaming.

Reading comments from some real women (not the fake Fs) on this thread and those I’ve heard IRL, I now agree with the author 100%. It’s a damn shame.

Our culture with its abhorrent rape culture does a great disservice to our men, that we laud grown men having NO self control is a damn shame.

That as a culture we have NOT evolved to be more superior than animals, our instincts and morals are still like the animals in the wild is a damn shame.

That we think it’s perfectly normal and appropriate to make the yam and goat analogy to excuse sexual abuse, is a damn shame.

In college, from soph till I graduated I shared an apt with a grown heterosexual man it never crossed my mind that my living arrangement will result in a rape and if I had been raped, I’m almost certain I would get justice and if not at least I would not be shamed. The culture, while far from perfect, I reside in is evolved enough not to justify rape or blame me because I lived with a man.

The irony, I knew Nigerian men, international students, that had similar arrangements and knew never to cross that line. Why?

I am sorry OP that you live in a culture that says rape is ok and you are at fault for your own rape. I wish I had the power and influence to get you justice or at least to start the due process to get justice if due.

Please, never ever blame yourself for your rape, co-habiting with a man is not justification for rape. Take the morning after pill. Go to a hospital (if you can, get a rape kit). Report it, even though you might be laughed at or shamed (or maybe not) go ahead and put it on record.

Now that you know how some Nigerian men behave or how toxic the rape culture is, it’s a damn shame I’ve to say this, re-evaluate how you relate with Nigerian men. E.G when a Nigerian man apologizes for an inappropriate sexual behavior don’t believe him, he’s planning other ways to perfect his act. Never ever visit a Nigerian man in his house, most of them are wild predators and men and women in Nigeria endorse this animal behavior. Finally, please find a way to survive if one of such ways is starting and participating on a thread telling your story, please continue. Also, you can join Nigerian rape support group(s) on FB.

nnamdibig:
I understand you. The reason I said so is to avoid being blackmailed with it later in life.
To avoid stories like "I am not the biological father", "My own biological children comes first", "it's you that I love not your child", "take the child to her biological father".

like I said, if he loves the child naturally, fine. if he choose not to fine too but you won't be bordered because you are already taking care of the child with your business.

Then it’s not true love. Her child is part of her, they are a package. You can’t say you love the woman but not the child that came out of her, sorry that’s no love. People love their adopted children like their own, to talk less of a child borne of the woman you claim to love. The OP is way better off without such ‘love’ and man.

OP, there’s nothing wrong in searching for love or a man on the internet or on a forum. To echo what has been said up thread, do a thorough vetting and protect your child. I hope you find the one.

eyinjuege:
Even the married ones are living unhappily with a lot of deep sadness, unfulfilled dreams, needs and wants.
Marriage cannot be the answer to sadness or unhappiness
Each person has to find their own happiness, as it differs for everyone.
Like my signature says: Happiness is a choice, so choose.

This! Love your quote. Another happiness quote I love is “Never outsource your happiness”

funmisticqueen2:
yes it makes sense, no one likes their privilege to be taken away

It happens on romanceland all the time

Exactly!
One other thing for those calling out their perennial boogeyman, Feminists.

Most Nigerian women (born, raised and live in Nigeria) do NOT identify as feminists. As a woman living in Nigeria, you don’t have to be a feminist to experience few or all of the toxic behaviors listed in the OP.