₦airaland Forum

sirjamesjnr:
Feel so bored after a bit of work, try having a conversation with my fiancee, she was busy with work....wahala loving a career lady . Then I remember my buddy who works in a bank. Place a call to him, we went into a long conversation and he hit me with a piece of very bad news, he made it clear to me that he is not interested in his fiancee as a woman anymore. He still loves her as a person. In his words, I will compensate her for all her effort. I was numb for some minutes.


Then I ask him, if he is okay, clearly he sounds normal. He let me understand, they had some beautiful moments and they still do. She is still beautiful as ever, sexy, classy, well manner and their sex life are improving by the day but he has lost the flame. I advise him to take a vacation with her, or better still talk to a counselor. He wouldn't have any of it. His mind has made up. I remind him, the sacrifice both have made, the care and whatnot, then I let him know he is a bad influence.


After I drop the call, I have a deep thought then; I’ve come to see love as a process that happens in stages. I know, I know — analyzing love is so unromantic! But, it’s such an important aspect of life and I have gotten it wrong before; I definitely do not want to repeat any of those painful mistakes. I do know that Love is like a bridge between two people. It is a bridge that can bear much weight and endure heavy storms. But it can be broken. Neglect and betrayal are the worst offenders. But if tended and properly maintained — if valued and cherished — love can last a lifetime. So, I set my quirky brain to work at thinking about romantic love in the hopes of getting it right with my fiancee. I grab my laptop. After reading some stuff, I drew lines separating seven distinct stages that I could identify:

1. ATTRACTION — This is the initial attraction we selectively feel for another person. It’s often called chemistry. Whether it’s caused by intuition or some combination of things, I can’t say exactly — but some people attract us more than others.

2. CONNECTION — This is what happens when we seek to explore the initial attraction we feel by interacting with the other person. Sometimes it’s asking them out on a date or when they visit the water cooler at the office to chat them up. I remember feeling thirsty whenever my ex is taking water at the dispenser. good old days.


3.INFATUATION(deep sexual feeling) — As the frequency of connection increases and attraction is confirmed and strengthened, Hormones are released in our bodies and we enter an intense phase of desire to be with the other person. This is the phase popular folks recognize as “love”. We see the other person through rose-colored glasses and their every move, look, and action delights us, no matter how absurd. We are blinded to their faults and exaggerate their good points. I got to know this phase lasts about 18–24 months before the hormonal inducers begin to subside. This is often long enough to get married, entangle finances and even have a child or two. But inevitably, by the end of 24 months, they’ve “lost that loving feeling. Whoa, that loving’ feeling… and it’s gone, gone, gone, whoa oh oh…” A lot of people think that the end of stage 3 is the end of love, but it’s not so

4. REALITY (AUTHENTICITY) — Now that the hormones have dropped back to normal levels, we stare blinking at the other person wondering what we were thinking back in stage 3. Suddenly, we realize that it wasn’t that the stars and planets had somehow aligned and brought two lonely souls together in a perfect match beyond anything anyone in the history of the world has ever experienced; we are two different persons, with different needs and desires, different outlooks and goals — this is in stark contrast to our fantasies of romantic bliss forever. A lot of conflicts tend to surface in this stage. We say things like, “How could I have been so blind?” Or we add a bit of blame and accuse the other of deliberately deceiving us or changing into a different person. Really, it’s mostly that, without the masking hormones, we notice that they’re not meeting our needs the way we want them to. Sometimes we even push their buttons and aggravate the situation just to prove the point. Lingering in this stage for too long is a mistake — it tends to make us bitter. But it’s one of the natural stages of love and it’s necessary. Like the other stages (except the last one), it’s transitionary.

5. DECISION TIME (RESOLVE) — Even if you’re already married and obligated by now, you still have to face this stage. Now that the hormone-induced romantic mists have cleared and you have taken stock of the actual situation, you must recommit... or not. There is no ceremony for this and you may or may not discuss it with your partner — but it happens nonetheless. It’s at this point that some couples conclude that “that lovin’ feeling” is gone for good and they exit the relationship, looking for fresh love — another infatuation experience. Fortunately, for many, the benefits of staying together outweigh the discomforts — and pressures to flee the relationship — and they stay together, if even for convenience. Often, some kind of negotiation takes place — a mutual truce with terms. Note that if back in stage 4 you discovered that your paramour is an ax murderer or a child molester, Serial cheat, or something else along those lines, exiting the relationship may indeed be the right decision. Otherwise, the decision to stay becomes an invitation to the next stage: intimacy.

INTIMACY — At this stage, you see the other person for who they really are and they see you for who you really are too. And you accept the good along with the bad. You’re no longer wondering if your love will last — you know it will because you’ve made a conscious decision to love and trust them. As George MacDonald said, “Few delights can equal the presence of one whom we trust utterly.” This stage of love is not accessible prior to stage 5 as you’re both still wearing masks up until then — some conscious, some unconscious. But now, you are vulnerable to each other; you know each other’s panic buttons, but you protect them rather than push them. The feelings of stage 3 are rekindled but instead of feeling fleeting and momentary like hot sparks, they are like deep glowing embers of a fire that never goes out. Now, it seems like before, when you were infatuated, you were splashing about in a puddle of shallow water — whereas, in intimacy, you are swimming in the great deep.
UNITY — In this final stage, two have become one. You know each other’s thoughts and feelings, needs and longings; his needs are hers and hers his.

So, how do you know when you’re not in love anymore? Is there a possible way to go back to your ex and make things work?

Mrozark:
She rubbed my head and I came...

.Enjoy amazing 10 percent discount off on Jumia when you use the code on my signature.

Froshchuksswart:
Baba you are just a mumu bearing a useless tittle you know nothing about, so people who spent 9 years to fellowship in plastic surgery are fools abiii...? And the post graduate medical college is a joke to you, or is the west Africa college of surgery is a beans...? This guy funny ooo ,as a MBBS graduate you are just a first call in the hospital, there are things you dare not do

Froshchuksswart:
STFU!!! No MBBS doctor is liscenced to do plastic surgery, what do they know...?

doubleZ88:
some women don't like giving dat either

jaelz:
So in the Nigerian context, the guys always do all the spendings in a relationship and that leaves us wondering what the ladies do with their money, although many atimes I have always heard that women have more money that men in the real sense, I didn't believe until it happened to me, see my story below:

So I have been dating this girl for like a year plus now, and I always do all the spendings, bills, outings spendings and so on, but just last week she gave me her ATM and told me to help her witdthraw 80,000 from her account for her while coming back from work, on my way back I stopped at an ATM to withdraw for her, but one mind prompted me to check her account balance, when I did guys guess what I saw? This my babe wey dey always do like say she no get one Naira had close to 3.1 Million Naira in her account lying there breathing.

Omo I almost fainted at the ATM queue. Many ladies have money guys o, please guys kindly share how you found out your girlfriend had more money than she has been revealing.

Gopitoto:
You want compare joystick with dirty hole ne

doubleZ88:
its risky.
infact its even more risky than d s*x itself.

there's nothing wrong giving head but do dat at ur own risk.

ImaIma1:
As in, I was disappointed.

After reading and getting confused with all the mixture of past tense and present tense and the repetition of "turns out", only how many pictures...

Op DrFunmisticGlow landmark beach has a lot to offer than what you are showing us. What about the cabanas and beautiful furniture? Nothing to see here.

Aksnoopy:
This man! I am not a lady, I am a grown ass man. Be calming down anyways, seems she is more emotionally intelligent than you. Same reason you tried to stare the nigga who was staring at her fat ass down at the beach. If the guy didn't stop looking would you have gone to fight him?
She isn't taking all what is being said here personal because she is emotionally intelligent, while you are trying hard to abuse me already thinking I am a lady.
Take it easy man!!!

Ishilove:
Do negroes tan? We are already "tanned" by virtue of our skin colour.

Anyhu, it's all semantics.

Spending time with bae and bonding is simply golden. Cherish it because some aren't that lucky.

Witttyduchess:
the guy simping no be here

Nonexisting:
You think because she is ugly, it will not end in premium tears? Some of us are counting down to your tears. Keep defending a daughter of Jezebel who has venomous mouth thinking you are doing yourself any good. She is one bitter soul we have had here so if anyone body shames her, that person will be doing a lot of nairalanders some favour.

sirjamesjnr:
. I won't stoop low anymore to give you an audience. I hate swine without the ball. This is what one useless low life girl referred to as a man. I rent-free in your brain from today.

Mogadishuu:
Calm down bro. Please calm down. Don't be angry bro.
Calm down. All these Epistles you have written still wont change the fact that you are Fugly and it won't change the fact that Drfumi is even uglier with bulging eye balls.

go and sleep over whatever you have read on this thread, by the time you wake up in the morning, check the mirror, you'll still be Ugly....

Mogadishuu:
Are you angry? nobody bullies something that is big and fugly.
I am just concerned about having a world with monsters that could have been avoided. If not for yourselves, atleast consider the kids that may "become".

SimplyFacts:
I don't know why the two of you find it hard to keep your r/shp off NL. If care is not taken, one of you is gonna feel the mind poisoning comments. I really pray you both have the strength to keep moving. Good luck!

Aksnoopy:
Sosoliso!!!

waywardpikin:
So jalodo is different from this dude? Interesting

And I'm guessing she met both on NL. Things dey happen for here o lol.

About her choices of men, she can only select from the calibre of men that approach her na, no?

Typically, the ones she really want may not want her and vice versa.

#UglyLivesMatter

Aksnoopy:
The point is that you ain't fine. But maybe you have good character which is paramount and only your partner can tell though!

Mogadishuu:
Ugly people are always angry when you tell them the truth. The next thing they do is quote you with plenty pictures trying to explain how much they don't think about what you said.

Somebody is hurt

AntiAPC2023:
I saw you at Lagos State University Teaching Hospital, Ikeja and that was around 2019.

Mogadishuu:
Are you angry

Sammy07:
I hoped you've really changed for good.

Aksnoopy:
Damn! You ugly Asf.

pozehnani:
You don't even know who you're defending. That woman there has the baddest mouth and character.

I remember when I newly joined this forum, I always see her abusing guys and discouraging girls from having anything to do with men. Then she was using her funmiyastic moniker. In fact, she was a popular feminist. I never knew it's because she didn't have a man in her life.

Women... Hm!

AntiAPC2023:
seen her once at LASU mehn the girl isn't good looking, not even one bit

@ Mogadishuu

AntiAPC2023:
the truth still remains that you're not good looking.
Just learn to accept it

wumi2017:
Thank you

sirjamesjnr:
. I am HER FIRST. Well, Let me stoop low to your level, I am the Jabudu you are referring to as ugly. Post a picture of your babe with you. I post mine let check something. I need you to grow up. The beauty of a man is in his devotion to his God( beliefs), his respect, loyalty and love for his woman, his ability to take up financial responsibility as man( provider), your ability to pursue your dream and stand out, his love for humanity, animal and nature. Next time know when to use your useless tongue. You pick a fight with a wrong person. Calling my girl ugly is the height of it.I believe your useless, good for nothing, low brain of swine you call a girlfriend can unbutton my baby's shoe.. Get a life and learn to be happy for others.