₦airaland Forum

Mindfulness:
You can trust people, husband or not, but you should never depend on them. Trust is useful, dependency is harmful. If you trust people without depending on them, you are self-sufficient and nothing can do you. This is the difference.

I like this.

Let's also remember that trust is earned.

Na wa oh!

This thread is flying and I'm desperately trying to play "catch-up".

damiso:
I can't even begin to imagine ..I did not understand whether it was low self esteem,inferiority complex or just plain stupidity.

Maybe because I have always been allergic to drama but the most reasonable reaction to me even at that young age was to break up with him Abi how hard is that

I understand marriage is a bit more complicated but that example was just to show the mindset of people even from that young age.

Oh, that's easy na.

She hung clung on to him because of the money. It's just the cold, hard cash. D'you think she would have tolerated an iota of that behaviour from him if he was a broke arsed nigger?

MusingsOfALady:
Gotcha! Lol.

Ok. Another angle is the role our society has played in this matter. Men are excused while a woman who is being cheated on is asked to try harder, wear lingerie, cook better food, offer 24/7 sex. The men are given a playful slap on the wrist (if any) and told to be more careful next time.

Now if that bit doesn't shoot one's BP up, I don't know what else can. I could feel my hackles rise, just reading that.

PresVA:
Your message here is flexibility right?

Er...not exactly. I'd rather use the phrase open to other's views. I.e: hear them out first, before dismissing them outrightly without so much as giving them a chance to air their views.

PresVA:
There are times I compromise but unfortunately I can't do that on this matter because as a Christian, the commandment is clear.... So I told mindful it was better we ended the argument because she can NEVER convince me that adultery isn't sinful and I may never convince her on my stance too... besides I didn't want to talk too much then. ..

This isn't about compromising one's views, and I don't think I ever implied that on here.

Re: the bolded, I also don't think Mindfulness ever argued about adultery being sinful or not. The argument was on why people felt emphasis should be placed on the side chick.

PresVA:
However, I get your point but I must also tell you that you can NEVER make an opinion that will suit/cut across everyone.. people must always object. .. There's no one shoe fits all...

True that. And in discussing with others, despite their different perspectives, we could learn a thing or two from them.

bukatyne:
I am giving you a sitting ovation here

Lol! Thanks, Bukky.

Mindfulness:
I am not using you, I am entertaining you but if I were using you, you would enjoy it too.

***Chokes on ma drink! ***

Mindfulness:
I just want to get this thread going. I have an hour left before I leave the house and I don't want to get sleepy.

Right.

So you're using us??

Gosh! I feel soooooooo used! So traumatised by this confession of yours....

edwife:
Because it's usually not the case around here more often. I now choose people i discuss with.

Lol!

I like this. I think I should borrow a leaf from your book.

Burntpalace:
Had to take a break from NL. It was taking up too much of my time. I have to say it was worthwhile though I missed all you nlers, both naughty and nice.

Abeg don't ever disappear like that again. Y'all deactivating at the same time. Got me wondering if you'd all regrouped on another forum or something and were just waiting for Efe to come join una. I nearly followed suit.

damiso:
Some people get mind sha I know some side chics take it to a whole different level sha.
I remember when I was in uni, I had one toaster (who was also toasting like 100 other girls ) .his girlfriend abi is it 'wifey' would be eyeing and giving me attitude all over campus(we had mutual friends ) it was so obvious to everyone That I was not interested in dating the guy (he was a club boy and I can't stand womanisers ) but I could never ever get over the blatant disrespect that the guy would mete out to this girl eg telling her to get down from his car while trying to chat with me )and she would not break up with him and choose to be 'eyeing or giving me attitude' all over campus when it was so obvious I was not interested. that was as a teenager o no strings,children ,marriage etc attached .that one na acid acid she for don dey pour for now
Human relationships can be complicated sha.
Welcome back ileobatojo.

Now assuming this chick married that club toaster, how would she bring up her sons?

And most importantly, what sort of mother-in-law would she be??

Burntpalace:
A) tennis
B) Saga
C) me, sisikill, coog, saga, cool headed guy from romance section who's name I forget and the former supermod I forget
D) mad that he didn't win and thought the judges were unqualified and playing favorites.

Rotflmao!!!

Yes!
Yes!!
Yes!!!
Yes!!!!

Welcome back!!

Mindfulness:
I don't agree.

Why not?

Sounds like an interesting concept. Come to think of it, there may be some truth in it, based on the side-chick-now-wife's paranoia.

MusingsOfALady:
Don't be angry now. Maybe it was a mistake.

He slipped and fell on her.

Lmao!

edwife:
Efe,mindfulness,byvan,musingoflady glad to have had a very mature and civil discussion.

Why, thank you ma'am.

Burntpalace:
But no one else would know that though.

The first thing that stands out is perhaps not for this thread.

More recently, we disagreed about male rape victims.

If you ask something specific, then I'll answer.

Or else you can watch for my writing style like you said.

Okay....

1 a.) What's Ile's favourite sport?
b.) We had an argument based on differing perspectives of "equality of pay" for both sexes. Who were the main (male) opposers to the notion that it should be based on gender rather than ability?

2.) A couple of months prior to this ^^ argument, we had a debate on the family section organized by Tgirl and whom?
b.) Who were the judges of the debate?
c.) Ile had a "clash" with one of the debaters. Without mentioning names, what was the bone of contention?

Befitting:
They should both go to hell. No man is worth the stress. My advice to any woman on earth is to be established and focus on raising her kids Godly. Better to live as a single mother than die prematurely because of some worthless womanizer!

Someone's angry.

5minsmadness:
When most of the parents are kids themselves and know nothing about responsibility.

The concept is quite simple really.

You can't give what you don't have. A parent with no scruples can't impart decorum on his / her kids.

cococandy:
Probably.
I guess that's why she's focusing on why should a happily married man be having an affair. Slyly Implying it's the wife's fault

So, who then is the old handle (male) pretending to be a she?

Burntpalace:
Before I deactivated, I followed you. Was hoping you would follow me back so I could pm you and say bye. You didn't follow me back.

That doesn't prove a thing.

Let's go back a couple of years...tell me something from the past. A comment you made in response to mine or vice versa

Burntpalace:
Wait Efe! I know what might prove it. I hope you remember. Or even noticed

Go on....

cococandy:
She's not the only one needing convincing.

Me too.

Gosh if it's really you. Whopee!

Hold off on the whoopee first. Let her prove it. Too many fraudsters on nl.

Burntpalace:
Lol. Burnt palace=ileobatojo in English.


It's really me. I could prove it by going around collecting scalps but I don't think I'll stay for long.

How can I convince you?

Hang around for a while.

I'll give a couple of lengthy responses to a few arguments so I can discern your writing style and see if it matches up with Ile's.

Re: Scalp collection - sounds promising. You gonna do it?

Burntpalace:
Lol! Efe my dearest. Sorry for not saying bye before. NL just got too time consuming. Needed to detox.


How are you?

You've only had 2 posts and yet were "recognized" on the second post? Based on what? Nah - I don't buy it.

Mindfulness:
Choi!

How have you come up with this list? You are wicked.

Burntpalace:


Doing alright! How've you been?

WHAT??!!

I don't believe you are her. Prove it.

PresVA:
Nawa o, this our argument no go end today..what have I got myself into?

I don't think I did contradict myself. ..

I understand your question, you want to know how I handle differing opinions right?

To answer you, I don't believe any values/beliefs are more superior than the other.. what I know is that each person will try so hard to uphold his/her own because that's what he/she believes is right...

based on the examples you gave, If I were to give judgement, I would definitely choose one applicable to my community as the most superior because that's what I see as the right thing. ..

However, my judgement may change later if my mindset changes..

That's why I said before that it's ok to have different opinions because we see things differently. .. but coming to an agreement may be impossible except one decides to change his/her perception...

Exactly!

Now you get my point (almost there).

Now, how d'you think it'll sound if someone says, "No, I can't discuss this topic with you because we've got differing religious (or not) backgrounds / beliefs"?

The point I'm trying to make is that learning how to express your opinion in such a way that cuts across religious beliefs is a sign of a good debator. I.e. irrespective of your religious afflictions, you should be able to level with anyone and not just a particular sect.

njokusboy:
Lol, I didn't say you should agree, I said you should state your disagreement....
Not using "chuku-chuku" tactics when you can't come up with something clever
Abi should I repost what I said?

Repost it.

What was it you said?

damiso:
I know efe it's the whole grey/cold look that autumn/winter has that makes it not so appealing. But I just have to drag myself out most of my work outs these days are mind over matter anyway cos I never feel like it but I just find myself doing it . I even go to bed in sports bra and running clothes sometimes so I can just get up and go needless to say hubby is not a fan of the sports bra in bed business

Lol! Sounds like you need a running companion, Dami.

D'you know I almost gave in to lethargy and nearly didn't go for my swim class? But I'm so glad I did. Just seeing the other tonned up and determined ladies in the water got me going.

Next Saturday, I'll take a pic of myself in my swimsuit and post (briefly) on here for you lot. Been planning to for a while, but just never got round to doing it.

PresVA:
My dear, this has a lot to do with religion. Infact, it has everything to do with it... God alone instructed us that adultery is sinful...
Most people here will judge the topic based on their beliefs. ..

Christians will find it sinful.
Whereas free thinkers/atheists may not see anything wrong with it. .....

Your last paragraph contradicts your first.

This isn't about religion but about differing perspectives. Personal opinions, some of which are based on religious beliefs.

Okay let's try this. Assuming the cheating partner here is a woman:

~ Some religions believe she should be stoned to death.

~ Some believe she should be publicly flogged / beheaded

~ Some believe she should be eviscerated prior to being burnt alive

~ Some believe she should be sacrificed to the gods

~ Some believe she should be driven out of the community / thrown into the river with a stone (or dead weight) around her neck

~ Some believe she should be left alone for Karma to deal with

So how do you reconcile these differing opinions, bearing in mind each proponent believes his / hers is superior to the others? How do you determine who's is superior without being biased?

D'you get where I'm coming from?

Mindfulness:
Very true but s.ex and se.xual fidelity are so important to people that they even think of killing ladies they don't know or cheat on their partners breaking the marriage vows.

Crimes of passion.

njokusboy:
Stop asking silly questions woman, do you want me to spoon feed you?

That's not necessary na Njokusboy.

Hang on - are you getting emotional here??

PresVA:
I can have arguments with anyone but when it has to do with religion, I will back out because we can never agree... We have totally different beliefs and that's ok...

Nobody can convince me as a Christian that adultery isn't sinful. ..

You can only reach an agreement when arguing with someone of diff belief if one of you isn't so rooted or convinced about his beliefs. .

But this isn't a religious debate though is it? Nor is this thread a religious one. You brought in the religious angle as your form of defense / supporting argument. Hence my asking you how you handle differences of opinion for those who don't share the same religious convictions as you, or better still, for those who haven't got any religious afflictions.

Mindfulness:
You are right on this.



You are also right here but I am not sure whether we can speak of "animalistic desires". It is interesting to question whether monogamy, which can be a very loooooooooong endeavor considering the life expectancy that is continuously on the rise, is as natural as we make it look like or would like it to be.

Hmmm...okayyyy

But sex is just one tiny part of a union. There is so much more to do, things to achieve, etc. I believe if one's got a lot on their plate with so many ongoing projects on the move, sex would be the last thing on the agenda. I'm not saying it goes out the window, but for a couple who's been married for say 30+ years, it's not going to be the be-all-and-end-all compared to your average 20/30 something year old newly weds. Life & responsibilities take over.