₦airaland Forum

Captainswag225:
sometimes, i dont understand it too, this cant be love. How can one continue to stay with an abuser and keep getting hurt and say its love.... I think victims should learn to make a choice btn their precious lives and what e society will think abt them...... If letting the society know they are being abused will save their lives then they should do so.

Great point. But who is society?

Is society not made up of other women as her? Women who'll seize every opportunity to castigate her as a "failure" for not being able to hold her marriage together? Are they not the same women who were once "friends" with her but suddenly feel she's now a threat (a.k.a potential husband snatcher) to their happy homes, thereby cutting off all links with her, at a time when she's vulnerable and needs their support the most?

thorpido:
I have a cousin who worked in the same office with the Skye bank lady that was murdered by her husband.She told me she came to the office sometimes with bruises and tried to explain it away when asked by colleagues.It was when she was murdered that they understood it had been domestic violence all along.I wonder why she stayed in that marriage even when she was the one taking care of the home financially.

Societal pressures to stay married at all costs. Or garbage talk that if you leave and the man gets the kids, he'll marry someone else who'll definitely maltreat your kids (evil step mother stuff)

Society also frowns at divorced women and is unforgiving, irrespective of the circumstances that may have led to the split. I read somewhere that even landlords and employers tend to be biased towards such women when they find out she's divorced and automatically assume she's fair game - to their (unwelcome) advances.

Captainswag225:
a man who has been attacked/injured by his wife.... What comes to ur mind?

You mean physically abused?

Several things:

~ She can't be normal. Something definitely is loose upstairs and she needs help to address her mental / anger issues.

~ She shouldn't go unpunished whether she pleads / begs / promises that it'll never happen again. Such a woman should be reported to the authorities and arrested.

~ Violence begets violence. Just because Oga didn't retaliate now, doesn't mean he never will. What'll happen to her the day he 'snaps' and loses control? Additionally, that environment isn't healthy to raise kids up in. They'll grow up thinking violence is the norm and would eventually act it out on their partners because it's all they've ever known and don't know any different.

Do these answer your question?

donbabade:
No. African culture prohibits it
It ll complicate relationships for ur offspring

How so?

What makes it wrong and complicated?

Captainswag225:
personally, whats comes to ur mind when u see a man who has been abused by his wife?

Be a bit more specific. What do you mean by the word "abuse"?

lofty900:
what I'm saying is the truth. I don't know any woman who has a house maid and treat them nice. Last year I bumped into one of our former housemaid, she called my name but I didn't recognize her at first until she introduced herself, I couldn't believe that she could be so beautiful. I bought her a drink and we talked, when I told her my mom was late, she was shocked. She told me how she saw hell under my mom but said she has forgiven all. My question is why are women like this?

Not all women are like that lofty.

You need to go out more and widen the circle of people you interact with.

Frommena:
m

Do you really think he was with me just to get between my legs? I know for fact that he loved me and not because of his words but his actions too. And I also know for fact that it was ME who ruined his trust by texting to my X bf (and nothing more).

Okay.

So where does his wife factor in all of this? I mean in your scheming and plotting? You say the man loves you, yet during lovemaking, he goes limp. Ever asked yourself why? Or why he told you he can't stand you anymore? Are those the actions of a man who you claim loves you?

This man obviously seems to have some teeny-weeny bit of conscience about him. He's probably been asking himself what he sees in you when he's got a woman who's stood steadfastly by him for 23 years. A solid woman. Not a flighty, impressionable person who'd think nothing about divorcing her man in the span of 2 months and giving off his child to another man - and that's why his Iroko is no longer an Iroko with you - and why he hasn't touched you for six months either.

Yes, he definitely "loves" you.

Lovely furniture - especially the leather sofas.

But the background setting.

@OP: These aren't stolen, are they?

Cute girls.

Funny thread.

What I would do? I'll flip over to the next page to find out what happens next. That's what I'll do, @op.

lofty900:
women are terrible creatures. Just that I don't like sharing my story otherwise. My mom wasn't any better. May her soul RIP

You quoted all of that, just to give a one-lined response?

C'mon lofty.

Captainswag225:
agreed but most at times the abusers then to be men tho it should work both ways like u said.......i think partners should know how to solve issues especially when one partner is quick tempered.

I wouldn't say "most times abusers tend to be men", bearing in mind that if a man's at the receiving end, he's unlikely to report to the authorities that he's the victim of domestic abuse. Why? Because many still see it as unmanly for a man to be in such a situation. Society expects him to "man" up and handle his domestic affairs like a man, albeit a tough man, so cases like these are hardly reported. Doesn't mean that they don't exist.

However, I do agree with your last sentence. It's all about addressing issues as logically as possible, with emotions kept aside. Difficult, but not unachievable.

priscaoge:
Is this a child abuse or an innocent kiss from a Dad? Considering the recent happenings around us today, Ladies, would you be comfortable if Ur hubby do this to your daughter?? Guys what's Ur opinion on this?


Let's discuss!!

Only a perv would snap such a picture and at such close proximity.

How were you able to do this? Are you the victim's child's mother? The perv's man's wife? Or both??

#Disgusting pic#

What a tale.

@OP: Have you both tried lubrication? I don't get how you can have 0rgasm$ without full penetration? Are you sure what you felt were indeed 0rgasm$??

lofty900:
EfemenaXY, I see you.
Op, I'm happy u had a great birthday. Happy birthday in arrears. Hope your girl gave you a very naughty birthday gift if you know what I mean

I was just "looking" oh! Not intending to gatecrash.

Howdy?

Captainswag225:
u are misunderstanding what i said,,, we all agree that domestic violence is bad and it shouldnt be condoned but in a situation where there is a disagreement btn a man and his wife and the wife attacks her husband. would u advice the man to hit his wife back? Its a no ryt? Thats what i meant. Such situations do happen whether u choose to admit it or deny it.....

It should never get to the point where one or the other resorts to blows just to get their point(s) across. Not everyone can hold back when hit. For some, retaliation is an instant, reflex action - and you don't need to be told how dangerous this could be for the woman at the receiving end. All it takes is just one punch landing on the wrong spot, at that could be it for her.

Don't get me wrong, disagreements are bound to crop up in any relationship, but how it's handled is what counts - the true test of maturity more like.

When such a situation arises, one or both partners should immediately diffuse the situation by walking out. Don't slug it out till it gets to the point where tempers are running so high that blows get lashed out. Additionally, whoever throws the punch should be reported. I know in the UK, once the police get involved, the man would be taken out of the house and forced to cool his heels for the night in a cell. Having the possibility of a criminal record will definitely "help" him have a re-think of ever laying a finger on his spouse again, no matter the provocation, and has proven to be a deterrent for many would-be-domestically-inclined-abusers.

For what it's worth, I think it should work both ways - why? Because strange as it may sound to many, some men are, and can be the vulnerable ones in a relationship.

Another gender bashing thread.

#Boring stuff#

Quantum Physics.

Mindfulness:
You're very welcome.

@bold

You ALREADY are ALONE else you would not seek advice from strangers online but confide in your mate.

The reason why you are unable to cope with break up well is that you BELIEVE that a relationship will make you feel better BUT this isn't the case obviously. I am not telling you to break up, all I am saying is that you need to find ways to be HAPPY and JOYFUL regardless the circumstances you find yourself in, in your relationship(s). See, the problem is that your unhappiness and inability to find happiness within yourself infects your relationships with men. You need to find PLEASURE, HAPPINESS and JOY within yourself and then you will experience it in relationships. I promise you.

I wish you all the best.

She shouldn't be seeking Joy, Happiness, and Pleasure at the expense of others. She'll only be "happy" if she succeeds in breaking up that man's home.

@Frommena: You should know that a man would say anything to get between your legs and the classic I'm having issues with my wife...my wife doesn't understand me...I'm going to get a divorce from her are all classical, but tired old lines aimed at the gullible.

Frommena:
I should of expect these kind of "advices" just because he is married.

I just wanted to let you know, that I did not come to his life to break his family. When he started approcaching me he told me he had issues with his wife, he doesnt love her and is planning to divorce. My mistake is that I believed him. I would never want to be on her shoes (if my husband works abroad and live with another woman). But he has been assuring me all this time, more over, my divorce was not just my decision, what i mean to say is that: he wanted to stop me from getting maried, later on he pushed me for it swearing and promising many things including divorce.

So, yeah, I should of wait until he divorces his wife rather then start any relations. But i didnt, i made a mistake and now it is too complicated, many things and feelings are involved to just walk away from him.

No?

So what did you "come" into his life for, knowing fully well he was married with kids? To get cooking tips?

Re: Your last sentence, he never was, never is, and never will be yours to "walk away from". Don't you get it? How hard can it be for you to understand? Go get your own man jare.

Another good one:

Can't find the original video though...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF6z3xr2peA

And who didn't party to this back then? Popular birthday party song

Now where's my sister Kanwuliajara?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T-MKGyOBdQ?list=PLBCCBAFC08B18316D

Now this is what I call an "ageless classic".

Brings back so many childhood memories.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPBDMihPRJA

iPopAlomo:
Am telling you mehn... I didn't know what I want to be until I turned 25... was having these talk with my friend and he was like I'm lucky... I can afford three square meals and drive around... what if my parents aren't okay...?! shoot... sometimes I hate to think of what might have been...

then the whole family looks up to you... you're the 1st son of the 1st son... and mehn... I've got my own battles...

I just keep riding the waves to see where this life is heading me to...

The 1^st son of the first son?? My, you do have your battles cut out for you.

You know, in addition to what I mentioned, try as hard as you possibly can not to, it's only human that we make mistakes as no one is perfect.

The infuriating thing here is that the younger siblings will use those mistakes / life experiences to improve upon theirs.

It's a tough one mate. I get you on this.

iPopAlomo:
Hardest shii about being the First Born is nothing more than living by trial or error... my siblings can learn from my mistakes... whose mistakes do I learn from...?!

Soooo, so true.

You either become an example of what to be, or what NOT to be.

Either way, the younger siblings learn from the eldest's mistakes.

Lol!

Love is definitely in the air...or in their source of drinking water.

Immature.

There is a time and place for everything (most times).

Bizarre.

School of the living dead.

Crime of passion.

There was no need for her to take the laws into her hand. I hope she gets severely punished for this.

tonymax19:
Guys dnt knw what to do,he tried to forcefully finger our househelp and this isn't the first time.I dnt knw whether to tell my mum or jux let it go. Cant talk to him because im way younger than him. P.S he is married with about 4 children.pls guyz help me its getting out of hand.

The way some people reason!

So househelps are lesser human beings? Would you have been this confused on what to do if you'd "caught" him doing the exact same thing to one of your sisters?

And what has his being married with four kids got to do with the matter at hand? Does it place him above reproach??

@OP, I don't think your cousin's death was necessarily about karma / payback time, but simply a case of the parents (mostly the mother in this instance) of not bringing up her son the right way.

Your cousin grew up not really knowing the difference between bad and good because he wasn't guided properly, resulting in him towing the wrong path...and that was the cause of his death. Actions and Consequences.

RIP to the deceased.

Frommena:
Hi All!
This is my first time I seek an advice online.
I hope i can find some answers here.
My situation is very complicated but i will try to make it clear.
I live with a man I've met 4 years ago. He was married and had 2 kids and I knew it from the beginning. But him & I started to love each other. More over he was telling me that he doesnt love his wife etc. I then was still talking to my X boyfriend who was living in a different country (not far) because deep inside i was not trusting that the married man would ever divorse. So he found out on my fone i was talking to my x and it cracked his trust big time.
He couldnt forgive me that, and told me he doesnt want me anymore. For almost 11 months i was hoping, begging him to get back to me but he was clear he doesnt want me, he cant forgive me and he will stay with his family. So right before he went to visit his wife and kids to his home country (we are both expats in the middle east where we've met), he told that we can try again, but i didnt feel it was sincere. I thought he said it so Im not hurt while he is there with his wife & kids. While he was away with his family i completely lost my hope that he will get back to me and i got involved with another man, and got pregnant. I was so hurt and wanted to start ny life without the man i love & forget him.
Upon his return I was not pregnant yet but got pregnant in less then a month and as a solution i got married with the man i was pregnant from. The man I love had to move to another country where i was supposed to live with my husband and he brought his family wife & kids. But while i was married we never stop talking. We would miss each other, yet fight a lot, blame each other for the situation wevwere in etc he asked me to get back to him and that he would give his name to my child. I filed a divorce after 2 months of my marriage and divorced and he promissed me he would do the same. It all happened pretty quick by the way in 6 months period. Since the time he webt to his country when u gkt involved with another man and to the time i filed a divorce it took 6 monnths only.
He sent his family back home in 3 months, i gave birth and as he promised he gave his name to my child. We started to live together. But it was not a happy life: there were moments when he would none stop blame me, question me about many details etc because he wouldnt understand how was i able tocheat on him and get pregnant etc?
It has been 2 years since im divorced, he is still married. Yes he had 2 kids and it is more complicated for him to divorce then it was for me. Like he says i need to get things situated and everything right before i file divorce. But in 6 months after my divorce he filed legal separation with his wife and i saw that paper. He said that court will still give him time to save his family because thet were married over 23 years and have 2 kids. With legal separation should not take long time.
We didnt have problems in sex life but for the last maybe 6 months or so we have it very rearly. I dont and he doesnt try making love. In fact sorry for being so open, but there were few times he went soft while we were making love. It worried me and he said it is because he still holds ab anger towards me, and my past eats him inside.
He stop asking me things about my past since a year ago but i just came to visit my mom to another country and he started to talk about my past again, again questions and again blaming. He saif because by wuestioining him i open up my past. He does not believe me that i did not enjoy sex with my x husband. And he says im a liar and i need to close that chapter by being honest with him about it. But every time i would tell the truth about something i would regret big time because he would blame me for that every chance he has!
Today he said he cant take it anymore, he has no feelings yet very angry with me. I must confess that recently i was not paying much attention to him, and he wasnt either. I would be jelouse yes, because living with a married man is not easy at all. Your mind is not settled, always in fear. He hates it when i question him when im jelouse, he thinks i have no right to question because i messed up the whole situation by getting involved with another man, getting pregnant etc
He has no trust at all. But i also think he maybe doesnt want to divorce OR has another woman he likes/involved with. He said Im an idiot that I dont understand him etc.
Im so confused, hurt and i cant go through another break with him. Yes i didnt fulfill my promise to fix issues but i wanted it both ways although he doesnt think so bcoz I was the one who cheated on him and he never had sex with his wife or another woman since he met me.
I hope to find an advice here on HOW to save my relations with him as i do not, do not want to loose him at all!
Thank you in advance.

What an evil narration.

You've come on here seeking advice on how to break up a twenty-three year old marriage and you think you deserve happiness??