₦airaland Forum

naijababe:
Pele, i think the last stretch is the hardest and it does seem like it can only be achieved through diet . You will get there ......this journey took a year and 1 month and I look back and can't believe it myself.

Some tips, I never used to shop at Iceland but I wandered into my local one day for some milk only to discover an array of very reasonably priced seafood......lobsters, cleaned whole fish....and mehn I have added Iceland to my food shop destination. There is a box with two whole cleaned sea bass for £5.... I defrost overnight, wrapped in a foil of some seasoning and cook in the oven in the foil in 20 mins...I eat and actually love eating stir frys now and not eaten bread or pasta in good knows how long. But I am still cheating on Oreo cookies occasionally

Almost there sis, Almost there

You're right. The last lap is usually the hardest.

I've got a strict routine during the week (Mon - Fri) but on weekends, I tend to slack. Waking up early in the mornings before cockcrow on Saturdays and Sundays, when I just want to have a lie-in is a Herculean task. I only just about managed to get there on time today for my 9:30 swim class (oh, I've been moved up from Adult Improvers to Adult Advanced - yayy!!) and so missed out on doing my 30 mins sit up + 1 hr run.

Not easy but I'll get there. Dieting gets easier with time as you get used to avoiding certain foods too.

@Damiso: The clocks have moved back one hour na - so going for the early morning run isn't going to pose too much of a problem.

byvan03:
Hahaha, you didn't remember that? Chilis, cococandy, bukatyne, sophyrocks, one of them must remember. Is a thread about how women become unattractive with age and as usual you proved that men are even scarier to look when age sets in.

Okay, maybe I vaguely remember something along those lines...

PresVA:
We can never level.. That's why I told mindful earlier that we are on two different paths hence can never agree but she insisted I told her why I find adultery wrong. ..... so I did...

@mindfulness, I agree with your last comment on my post...

So does this mean you can only hold down arguments with people who share the same religious convictions with you? Isn't that a tad bit limiting? But more importantly, you don't get to air your differences of opinion because there aren't any in the first place - not if you share similar opinions and think alike.

opella:
Congrats dear, so happy for you. My dear is actually not easy trying to maintain ones weight/shape after marriage and child birth here in Naija.
The comments you receive is nothing compared to the ones I recieve here, a woman that sells something on my street is always on my case, telling me I should add some weight so that people will know that am married and that my husband treats me well .

Don't listen to such ignorant talk. I bet she's never heard of BMI index, Type 2 diabetics, heart diseases, high cholesterol, sleep apnoea, unheathy skin, etc.

edwife:
Damiso is a bae!
Great job dami! My only problem is my boobs...they have gone smaller

Choi!

So how small is small? You know there are different grades. You've got mango small, apple small, or [color=#FFFF00][size=18pt]fried-eggs small[/size][/color].

naijababe:
I been thinking it was just me. I rarely excercise now but I have portions control down to a tee.....certain foods are no longer consumed by moi and wait for it, I weigh 58kg now. I don't want to lose any more and my oranges berra not get any smaller
Well done bae, you look hot. These days I am rocking mini skirts and boots to work, a few of my colleagues have asked me in jest if I am having an affair

I am soo envious!

63.5kg, here I come...

zeb04:
it is really debasing to fight with a mistress. she has no business with you. she didn't steal your man, he saw her and went for her.

morality is relative.

women should learn to have some healthy ego and not think with their emotions all the time.

why are you the wife if you would be fighting in the street like a common girlfriend, why should you behave like a mistress.it is really pathetic.

Shebi you know the sight of two women fighting turns many men on?

byvan03:
I take it that a madam that chose to fight already calculated the odds. Some of these men aren't ready to give up their wives despite being unfaithful.

Well, some of these wives knew the deal from day 1, they accepted to manage poo. I guess they should just chill and enjoy the show .

No.

I think (and this is purely my opinion) that most cheats (or specifically, Nigerian men in Naija) blatently cheat because they know they can get away with it and worse still, society backs them up (i.e: it's a man's world).

If the man has a lot to lose (and I mean not just his wife and kid/s), he'll either be very discreet about it, or learn some self control to curtail giving in to animalist desires.

PresVA:
As a Christian, I believe adultery is wrong. .. Can a woman/man commit adultery alone? No.. so when you take part in a crime/wrongdoing, you become equally responsible. ..

Let's say for the sake of this argument, I have no religious afflictions.

How're you gonna level with me?

byvan03:
I think a criminal record is the beginning of a lucrative political career here . I have a proposal for you, come back . We re gonna knock off some teeth together and bam!! We are politicians, what say ya maam?

You try. I jump am pass.

byvan03:
Efe please give me a link to that descriptive thread of yours about the tuft of hair that sprouts from elderly men's ears and nostrils . I need to catch up on the comics there. My body needs the ridiculous to see through my steamy kitchen.

What a description! I said that?

Are you sure it was me? If so, then I can only say I was drunk...blame it on the alcohol.

TheSonOfMark:
[img]http://media1./media/YlPeYXasYEPpC/200.gif[/img]

Lol!! Wetin? Abeg put your glasses back on.

beaubod:
Wouldn't even go dt far. Not actually interested in what they r discussing, it's dt singular act dat got me annoyed

Are you sure you aren't really interested? Cos the way I see it, you wouldn't have opened this thread if you were that unconcerned. Anyway, it's all good sha.

bellong:
Madam Efe... Na question I asked...

That your question was loaded!

byvan03:
Oga and mistress will keep each other company in the nearest health care centre, they can't do much from there .


The more I conjure up these crazy scenarios, the more ridiculous they seem . I can almost imagine the so called oga and mistress side by side in a dingy general ward with broken "who knows what ", trying to whisper consolation through their POPs .

You're conveniently forgetting that some side chicks can be vindictive. Especially those from a "firewood" background that have seen many 13 O'clocks.

Abeg, it's easier to let the man go. Why would a wife fight for someone who doesn't want her? Lack of self-respect? Either way, it's demeaning.

Mindfulness:
In most cases he will. How many women will chop off the hand that feeds them? This is why ladies hate on the other woman so much, it is easier than hating the person who actually shitted on them.

Many of them will climax even better after all. Oga has market value, how exciting.


I am not talking about you now Byvan03.

It beats me that in this day and age, a woman having gone through the rigors of completing her tertiary education, would still be 100% dependent on a man. What gives?

Re: the bolded bit, who climaxes? The wife? The mistress? Or the man?

byvan03:
You too dey fear prison, a few teeth out can't kill anyone .

Kirikiri in Naija? Yes na.

Holloway in the UK? Just as bad. Criminal record / Prison sentence ends many a career over here.

Interesting write-up. Insightful too.

byvan03:
Plan B is not very useful in Nigeria, the only penny you can claim is your own penny already in your account . So am speaking from what is workable given my geographical location at the moment. I think you voted for going natural via plan A, don't worry I voted on your behalf .

Chei! I did not in so many words jare.

Violence isn't my forte. What if madam's blows to the mistress results in her death? What then? Is it BAU (Business As Usual) for madam?

byvan03:
The reason she doesn't have to break her nails if all that will please her is the mistress black eye, there is a way around everything you know.

You mean hiring henchmen to "deal" with her? Two questions for you then:

~ What happens afterwards if Mistress A decides to exert her revenge on madame by hiring her own Agberos? This will quickly turn into a never ending circle of violence - not to mention the risks posed to the kids caught in the middle.

~ What happens to Oga in all this? Does he remain absolved of all guilt?

Mindfulness:
Turning in my big chair, taking a puff, blowing out the smoke and saying: I've been expecting you.


Happy to see you here. We are going to have fun.

byvan03:
Now this is super funny , surprisingly she was still sharp mouthed to respond to criticism. Now that the iroko can't stand, I think she has outlived her usefulness. She just couldn't see it, I have never seen a dumber post for help in my life.

You get all sorts on Nairaland. As Bukatyn famously said, "Why buy a copy of Hints! When you can get it for free on Nairaland?"

byvan03:
Efe what if you jam that kind rat inside house ? Be honest will you be kind enough to open the door for her to walk away?


You sure sey u no go lock door carry pestle deliver her from the clutches of darkness wey dey worry her .

That would be the natural instinctive thing to do but not the best approach. How about quickly fishing out the smart phone from your handbag and filming them in their nnaked state, guilt written over their faces as they guiltily stumble around trying to pick up their discarded clothes from the floor?

That footage should stand up in a court of law as proof of the man's infidelity and an express ticket to divorcing his sorry arse - but more importantly, clearing him out of every penny.

byvan03:
Assuming wify didn't have the brain power to play this game but has the fist, will you try talking her out of it?please don't, Just call me to watch .

Jailing for beating up a mistress in Naija? We dismiss such as family matters in my beloved country .

Beev, the wife could be strong but the mistress could be stronger. What if the wife is an Ajebutter and the mistress an Ajekpako? Ajebors don't roll in the gutter with Ajekpakos na.

There are classier ways to get even. You just need to be patient, composed, and calculative.

Re: the jailing part, that's why I said it depends on where you're based. D'you know a home owner was up facing criminal charges over here for shooting an intruder in his house? Biko, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

edwife:
You are absolutely right but Monica didn't harass Hilary did she?She disappeared quietly and Bill was very repented and took total responsibility for his actions.

Going physical is barbaric but we all don't have the same standards,do we?Some will turn the thief to the police,some will forgive while some will practice jungle justice.Does it make it right?No but if that's the way they want to go with it,i won't judge.

Eds I think you're mixing it up.

This thread is directed at the wife and what her actions / responses are / should be to the the man & his mistress. It's not about what the mistress should / shouldn't do to the wife.

edwife:
But as a wife on the side chick's perspective,why will i blame her?

Not sure what you're getting at here. D'you mean - why would the side chick blame the wife? I don't think she was and even if she was, her claims would be baseless jare. As long as she's never met not to mention, never spoken to madam, her opinion of her would be based purely on what the man's told her - and that as you know would be biased and certainly not objective.

edwife:
Why was she called an I/diot?Why do most of the posters here always attack any female who is a second wife? I still remember the thread that got us banned in multitude.

She was called an iidiot by the man himself. Question is, why? Obviously because through her actions, she demonstrated that she isn't that smart. Come to think of it the wife's probably in on the man's game and has got her own plans in place to protect and secure hers and her kids' futures. For all we know, she's probably let the man know what he stands to lose if he chooses to up sticks with his mistress. What man, after having worked for over 23 years to build up his empire, would be willing to lose it all to someone like that @OP and start all over again from scratch?

Wifey's probably playing her cards smart, the man knows it, knows what he stands to loose, and is caught between a rock and a hard place. Little wonder why his Iroko hasn't stood upright for the side chick in six months.

Re: the bolded

Those were the days. Alcatraz et al...

edwife:
Don't get me wrong,i am one who will never tolerate infidelity-i might not sing it everywhere but i will find it very difficult to forgive.

I will also not in any time approach any mistress or even call them to order BUT if she crosses the line and comes for me,i am gonna go for her too.

If she threatens me,i will have to protect myself.I have a friend who was harassed by her husband's mistress for 6 months even when the man cut off all contact with her.She almost got her kidnapped just to take her place,and you really think i still have nothing to do with the mistress?

I don't disagree with this but still have my reservations about getting physical with her. I guess it depends on where you're based. If in Naija where anything goes, then yes, wifey is within her rights to physically beat the living daylights out of her for tresspassing / directly going into the wife's home.

But if over here, let the law take action. Mistress A would certainly be facing charges for stalking, intent to harm, harrassment, etc.

byvan03:
I totally agree with you, but I can't find it in my heart to blame a woman that successfully pummelled the poo out of a mistress. These girls have to be condemned for all they are worth because exonerating them only makes them more brazen. They are certainly not responsible to the woman, but if you view them as house rats who isn't responsible for its need to scavenge for food in people 's homes but gets smashed with a club regardless, you will errrhmmm....get my koko .

Lol @ getting your Kobo!

See Beev, of course there's some sadistic pleasure to be derived from watching the other woman physically suffer, but with what risks attached? Wifey getting thrown in jail? And if that happens, then her cheating man and mistress have won, hands down. And who then gets to care for her kids? The side chick with an agenda of her own, and the unscrupulous, unrepentant man.

No, getting physical with either of them (hubby and girlfriend) is an emotional, knee-jerk reaction which won't do wifey any good. The better option is to play her cards right, and close to her chest. And the only way she can do this is to remain focused and calculative - i.e being logical. It's the only way to hit back at them where it hurts the most without getting her hands dirty. That way, (depending on how good her lawer is), she gets to keep the lion's share of their assets / properties and, she gets to keep her/their kids.

Why d'you think Hilary Clinton didn't divorce Bill Clinton, despite the media scandal? Where is she now? Is she not a mere breath away from securing the top job?

We ladies need to THINK!

byvan03:
This is the crux of the matter .

edwife:
This thread says it all.Why was she blamed then if she isn't at fault?

https://www.nairaland.com/2688718/want-save-relations-him/1#39364364

Babes, this is different na.

That story was told from the side chick's perspective.

This thread is looking at it from the wife's angle. That's why in that thread, an observation was made about the @OP trying it on with reader's intelligence as per expecting posters to jump on the man's throat - even though we all know he's just as guilty, if not more.

byvan03:
I really understand where you are coming from but these girls cannot be excused. It's just like saying that the thief is blameless because I kept my money carelessly. I really believe that they deserve whatever the husband got as his penalty in good measure, shaken together and running over. I feel no pity for these husbands nor their mistresses.

If the man will burn at a stake for his shyte, the girl should too. There is a reason why an accomplice is expected to serve some time in a real life criminal case. It's a different pot of soup if the mistress is under aged.

Not necessarily. Don't get me wrong, I'm not absolving the girl on the side of all blame, but honestly, in a union, who are the people responsible for keeping the union sanctified? Does the man not owe it to his wife to be faithful and likewise, the wife to him too? Who then should mistress "A" be accountable to? The man? His wife?

Holding the girl to ransome is akin to saying you'll hold all his "bits on the side" to ransome. If the guy is a chronic womaniser, how many of his side-chicks will you go after na? 10? 50? 100? 300? At what point should the wife draw the line with her Valentino of a spouse?

I get what you're trying to say but personally, I just can't agree with it because it's just one step away from monitoring the ladies and that in itself, is just one step away from confronting them.

Biko, the best thing to do is let the man know he's walking on a tight-rope. He either sticks with his wife or he gets the hell out. And while he's moving out, she should get herself a good lawyer and take her cheating spouse to the drycleaners and squeeze him of every Penny, Cent, or Kobo he's got.

That way, she gets something (hopefully everything) from the split. Then let's see if he'll be that keen to jump beds, or better still, if side chicks X, Y, Z will still "love" the broke man.

MusingsOfALady:
I read a sob story online a few days ago. Well it’s actually a story that has been going round the internet for years but in different variations (with changing names and forms of course). It’s the story of how a married man was dating a single girl and lavishing money on her... bla bla bla and the wife prayed against the girl for 21 days or so and the girl was in an accident and lost all or went mad or died – or whatever variation of ending you will like to slot in here. And boy, do a lot of women love these stories! They click “Like” and "Share" on their Facebook wall immediately. Holy Ghost Fire!

Let me state categorically that adultery is wrong; it’s a sin, a betrayal of trust and no man or woman should be involved in it. So I am not about to defend husband snatching, no! Yet, I am writing to the many women stripping themselves naked at the stroke of midnight, raining curses on the other girl whom they say “snatched their husband” (Snatched? Is he a toy? 'cos toys get snatched but full grown men? Hmm…)


Before you send down thunder and fire, ask yourself: Would God punish the girl without punishing your husband? Would God be just to do that? If God is a just God, then the first person that prayer will likely land on, is your cheating husband. Okay, I know most of you won’t like this but it’s the truth. The other lady is not breaking any vow, she is committing a sin alright but she made no vow to you. The one who made a vow to you and is breaking it is your spouse.

Let’s be truthful, he is probably the one who initiated the affair (I said probably oh!) but surely, he agreed to it. He is the one bankrolling it, he is the one lying to you, deleting her texts, hiding behind your back to see her, probably telling her lies about you, buying her gifts instead of you, making her promises, sleeping with her, made a CHOICE to be with her… He! He!! He!!! The other woman owes you nothing "IF" she is a stranger to you. So cool down with the thunder and fire because you may just roast your hubby.


What if it’s Juju? Yeah, if it’s Juju, she will definitely get the fire and thunder but it’s not Juju 90% of the time, No, its indiscipline! The reason most women blame and curse "the other woman" is because they don’t want to face this reality or this truth. So what should you? Fold your arms? No!

1. Get your facts right and confront him calmly.
2. Get a commitment from him to break it off, he should get good pastoral/spiritual counsel.
3. He needs to get himself into an accountability relationship.
4. Check yourself. While you are not to blame for his straying eyes, you might have contributed. So check yourself, have you been unavailable, ignoring him, taking him for granted or something. Remember you pulled his strings, that’s why he married you, so, pull them again.
5. Pray for him for wisdom, strength and discipline to be faithful. Pray that every link between him and the other person be broken.
6. Pray for yourself as well.


If your husband can’t commit to being faithful then cursing other girls won’t work because even if the current girl or girls die, he will get another. Let’s stop trying to use God’s name for selfish reasons. God is a just God, if the girl who had an affair with your husband deserves death then so does your husband.

What are your thoughts?

My thoughts?

No. 4 I'll grudgingly do (yeah, no one's perfect) but No. 5? Certainly not! Why should I be the one praying for him to do the right thing? Is he a child? How can he claim to be a "man" + head of the home, but yet lets his JT override his sense of reasoning?

@OP: abeg talk another one jare. See, that attitude of fast and pray for him...he's not doing it with his clear eyes.... yardi-yardi-ya is part of the reason many many women are diffident, meek, not to mention un-confident. I mean how does this work? I mean really work? What I'm picturing in my mind's eye is Oga rolling over lazily in bed the morning after, all bleary-eyed and smiling smugly to himself after his hot night out with Mistress A - while madam in her oversized white-garment robes prances around the house in her barefeet, candle in hand, holy water & bible in the other hand, speaks in tongues cursing Mistresses A, B, & C but pleads for the holy ghost to descend on Oga who by the way, is still in bed happily reliving his escapades.

Talk about giving one's self high BP.

Women should learn to be more assertive in relationships be it marriage / dating. Have borders that can't be crossed. Men do. So why can't women? Set standards for yourself, of what is acceptable, what is "manageable" and what is a definite no-no. Until then, many women would continue to suffer in silence.

byvan03:
I don't even know how I got roped in when I have sworn to face my work . Hope you are doing great madam Efe.

C'mon it's Saturday. Let your hair down a bit, Bev.

Mindfulness:
Byvan03 and Edwife, I have not even seen one argument that justifies your positions. Don't let me down, where are your arguments?
I am very eager to learn.

You don start again. Interesting argument. Lemme finish read it up first...

byvan03:
Hello babe..

Nne - I still dey read am oh!

How're you though?

Chillis:
The way you ask question to dissect a post. Are you EfemenaXY sister?
Efe come and see your sister.

Long time Chilli. Howdy?

edwife:
I have been alright,i have been seeing you but i don't know-was just a bit scared

I just thought my friend was not in a good mood.Glad you are okay.

Scared? Of moi? I know it's Halloween and all that but c'mon.

edwife:
Efe how have you been?Are you okay?

My dear, I'm good. Been mobile all day hence my patch-patch responses.

You nko?

damiso:
People keep Asking me if I eat and they seem suprised when I say I do. 3 to 5 times s day sef

Grilled snapper and salad

I like this. High protein and vegs. Fish is really the best.

And yeah, several small meals a day beats having two huge compensation(ary) meals a day. Easier for the body to process.