₦airaland Forum

Whether ur Hubby is around or not pls dont,whether u live in a mansion or 1 bedroom Hut, Don't.
Once he comes it might take years to get him to leave. Except it is those responsible nice inlaws that knows that which they are been given is ur space,else they stay put for years and in turns makes marriage extreme work. Goodluck

TheGreenLand:
May your wish be granted!

Amen.

GreatDad19:
Madam this talk is getting old. But even if this is the case, a man should suffer because of the way God made him? Never will I leave my wife because of a situation that I know can be fixed hence me trying to find a solution. I finally addressed it to her and what did I get in return? Attitude and disrespect. I have helped my wife in so many ways, that I do not want to go into detail because I did this out of the love I have for her. I’m not innocent and I’m a human being and have been as transparent as possible, but please respect the fact that I’m asking for genuine advice and your insults are very unnecessary. Thanks.

So a woman should suffer because of the way God made her,the stuff a Nairalander sold for u, did you bother researching it or u just went ahead and ask her to insert so u can satisfy urself.u said u have done alot for her,u painted her as ungrateful just cos she now has a loose punana which wasn't there when u met her.
Bros at the stage you are now, i guess u should be adding value to ur marriage not looking for ways to disrupt it and let people rub it in the mud for you cos we will.

So you will now marry another woman whose punana will be tighter and might still get loose later? I ain't justifying what ur wife did was right cos u want the best from the marriage hence ur concern.
She on the other part might just be extremely embarrassed that she felt the way out is to be defensive. Don't let sex cloud ur judgment ,if before now (the punana slack thingy) she has been good to you,then my brother run and go get her back, cos that is why it is for better for worse. Na ur cross. Plus if she was not been sexually satisfied, will she ask that u leave or pack out .
P.s- I think you are also looking for someone to justify ur action with,and a justifiable reason to cheat,cos she isn't here to defend herself.

Is it their own house or they are renting,if they are renting then u have no problem but if it's their's, then u will have to be ready for family intrusion. Another thing is if they are a large family ,then be sure to see them more often. I guess u are asking cos u are a private person.

Be wise, and gather lotta evidence , not to submit to ur Hubby but to submit to all the family where u will be seen as evil. Don't treat her like ur mum cos I know some pple get away with talking to their mum freely and these could mean impending doom if u try same with mil, treat her as ur mil, that means tolerate her more than ur own mother, but never let her frustrate u,anytime she quarrels just keep smiling,let her see u smile so she can report that she was insulting u and u were smiling. Get this on video.
Above all keep showing her respect cos mothers have a huge influence in their son's life .So care is needed.

Elder001:
I think you were trying to sound sarcastic by creating this thread.

There's no where it is written that if a woman should hit you, you shouldn't hit her back. Yes,if a woman insult you, hit your mom you can't do anything because she hit your mum not you. The best you can do is to get your mum to hit her or sue her for criminal assault.
This thread is a way of trying to justify the actions of some beasts who call themselves men.
I want to make it clear that “you've no right to hit anyone whether man or woman as long as he/she didn't hit you first or doesn't pose any serious physical danger to you”.

This doesn't in anyway absolve men from the inhumane acts they've carried out against women over the centuries in the name of cultures ,traditions and protection.


When some people say feminist hate men even though I know they don't, why shouldn't they hate men?

After everything men have made women to go through over the centuries.
From banning women from voting, seeing them as properties and sex objects - not allowing them to work or get education.


The hatred is justified.

You are so right, I use to tell anyone I have theses type of discussions with that men misuse their power, most women have been shown disrespect by their, parents, husband, brother, inlaws, bosses, and any man u come a cross with that just feel u are rude simply because u are a woman. There are still many women who are been treated unfairly by the society.
Little wonder why their are feminists everywhere, cos women are tired and retaliating, is this the best approach, "No.
You go to look for job in an organisation with a good result and they want to sleep with you before giving you,while exempting the guys and some guys will still say woman are enjoying cos they can give their body in exchange, whereas most women hate these.
Time to choose who to send to school or spend more money on, guess who the parent gladly chooses, the man, cos the woman can't be successful abi.
You can't be rude to ur inlaws else they might instigate ur husband to push u out but the man can walk anyone out of his house,be it ur parent.
The husband own is too much, cook,clean,mop, slayup,be prayer warrior, be a IndecentStar, be a good girl,rub my ego, etc and after all these they will still say bring 50percent of ur money or take care of urself with ur money. Society/culture has its own too, a woman must do this and that.
Now everywhere you go on social media it's from one insult to another 'bout how useless women are, making the young and innocent peeps get scared of everywoman they come in contact with.
If truly u are married to a woman who frustrates and insult u ,the next step is communication ,counselling,separation and then finally divorce which must be carefully considered.

Lomprico2:
I tot it was gang rape before! so na her boyfriend whey don enter there b4 rape u naim make u kii yoursef?

Am against rape but she was really silly for taking her life over this.

Modified:
Attack! Attack!! Attack!!! What did I say wrong?

I said am against rape! Yeah, rape is rape whether by a boyfriend, husband or stranger but this case is by a boyfriend, its like a betrayal and I know its hurtful and she can locate and report so that the law will punish him. BUT its not worth killing herself. Its not as if he made a video of it and shared it everywhere. If you are not happy with wat I said, am sorry but she shl not have killed herself!

It is not every girl that has a boyfriend that sleeps with them.

Ekajuk:
when the women err in their marital homes, and the mam take some drastic action, they accuse the man without knowing fact of d case

And u know it because u stay in their house.

I would blame ur husband more because he is not handling these matter seriously and seems to be enjoying it ,whereas if reverse were to be the case he might have filed for divorce on grounds of infidelity, the woman is so irresponsible and they are both disrespecting u and the the woman's husband. Forgiveness is the Lord. Moreover u didn't hurt her just said few mean words.
So if ur heart is that soft ask God to forgive u and move on by asking ur Hubby to block all contacts with her.

Wilfredpat22:
Sister, we are all cheats. Anyway this is social media so you can type what you like to get mentions and messages from men

Excuse me! Am not your sister, you are very stupid and don't have manner of approach. what do you mean by getting msg from men, am married and don't need any validation from anybody on Nairaland to write bout my opinion, but when u single me out to insult me be sure u know what u are in for.
Ps - we don't all cheat, I will rather get a divorce than lust after another man for a 2min pleasure, u and I ain't the same.

Nos 1- what you did is very unprofessional by going thru ur client msgs. ur friend is an irresponsible guy and she is a loose woman. Tell him if he will stop. Men learn that women are becoming very sexually active so don't just climb a woman and come down under 2minute or leave ur wife and travel for too long. Women that thing BTW a man's leg can be purchased in a rubber like form and u can even control the time, There's no excuse for cheating , EVER.

If u can find a good montessori school,i don't mean all this people lying to have a montessori curriculum o. They actually do individual learning pace and don't rush. Don't rush him .

Am interested, but without a picture an online biz transaction will most likely flop. Something has to attract b4 making that call.

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

Family members creating problems since forever, ur wife is a silly unwise womankind her family are wicked insensitive being.

Cook for him and his mistress when they come visiting ,and don't forget to run their bath.

That is marriage ,what you are facing is a daily occurrence for some. Is it fair? Absolutely NOT, sometimes we think we are so perfect for our spouse by being silent but silence too can make things worse in marriage.
My advice is that you call her and discuss with her concerning her walking out on discussions and shouting, that's very rude. Was there a tangible reason for you disagreeing for her to go and learn? If not retrace your steps cos she has a life too and dreams that needs fulfillment, then about her complaining,most women want to talk about all their stress during the day cos that's how we unwind, it's frustrating for men cos they ain't built that way ,but in all listen to her. They are ur children too so stay with them and stop demanding for a househelp when she obviously doesn't want one.
Lastly you are the head ,which means if ur marriage works then it's because u are a good leader, stamp ur feet and stop allowing her curse you out, not all women use ill words towards their hussy and if she refuses to stop and it's affecting ur health ignore the heck outta her, don't listen and don't talk, but eat O! Except she is ready to stop . U have not failed cos here you are trying to proffer a solution, and I hope u don't insult her too.
Stay with ur children too if she complains she is tired and u are free,that is why u are her husband.

syntax50:
I LOVE THIS CHIC, IS GOOD TO KNOW THAT INTELLIGENT WOMEN STILL EXIST IN THIS COUNTRY.
JAH BLESS YOU DARLING...

Amen,thanks for the compliment. God bless u too.

So u did not think that ur wife also was joking when she said she owned the house, but wants her to accept urs as a joke. U made it even worse coming here. Why can't u call ur wife and converse with her, telling a woman to pack out of ur house is no joke or an unintentional gesture.

You took ur own money and used it for the treatment of ur dad which isn't bad since u guys had agreed which by the way she can't go against in the first place else she will be tagged a wicked woman.

U now used the other part in finishing a house for them even though u guys don't have one, using only the remaining smaller amount for ur project. And u tell her to pack out of the house and want her to obey u and not fight to keep her home.

I pray u guys settle, cos u both did wrong towards each other. U didn't watch ur utterances towards each other. And that cousin of urs hope he only came for a visit? ( greet him for me ,cos he's the real mvp) olofofo, one day he will do this and loose his teeths.

Parents pls try as much as possible to put in the energy to put in raising a girl into a boy also. Our boys don't know their limit and our girls don't know their worth.

The same thing will happen once the side chick becomes the main chick(wife). What is urs is urs put effort but don't kill urself cos a man who loves u will never see justifiable reasons to cheat on u.

I disagree cos both of them shared the vowed but choosing culture over religion or vice versa to suit our situation isn't helping our men.

U are being unsecured with everything, simply because fear has clouded you. By the time u marry her and she regularly ask to see ur phone chat then she becomes the nagging wife. Leave this lady and search for a submissive soul, they are plenty.

When last did u show her undying love cos that is what the bible said , husband love ur wife and wife submit to ur husbands, not only when it's convenient for both, but even in ur gloomy days. So why the distrust.

The truth is u need an overly submissive wife who won't even communicate her fears when u are trying to decide on something that will affect both of you ,cos I don't know why u will suggest court marriage to her out of the blues and when she says no u term her as an not been submissive..

HEseesall:
Yes it is not a small money, his dad had an ailment he had to be flown out, he used the remaining to complete their house, he's the first born, now they think i'm evil cos of all he did for them, it's really saddening

Let anybody think what they want to think, if u are their daughter and these happens they won't be there thinking bout money and how evil u are ,they will rather think of reuniting u guys.
Once ur husband gets that house they will support him to leave u so don't give him. since he can't sort out his issues and he's letting money rule your home. Am sure if he built d house excluding ur name in it and u find out u won't just pack out of the house and abandon ur family, so stop feeling guilty. I pray he comes to his senses and come back home .

badwife:
Some days I think of ending my life but I'm a coward.

I hate my life, I hate my family and I hate my husband.

He has caused me so much pain, too much pain...

I have nothing no interest in this life anymore...

I regret so many things..

I'm really scared of what next.

I'm really scared... Life hurts so bad

I'm Confused and lost.

I want to move on but how do I do it.

Where do I start from?

Life is too short and may I remind u that these is ur own time u are using and it will be over one day, so why bother and die cos ur husband isn't what u expected, life is full of unexpected circumstances and instead of feeling sorry and depressed and all other emotions rolled into one which can also cause hbp,get urself together and enjoy life.

These is always hard cos we feel there are some basic things we need in life but once u know that u have no power of ur own over them then u hope and take actions.
if anything happens to you all this pole will move on, I am a sucker for happiness , I chase it more than I chase money and where I don't get it I abandon. We all have issues but keep something in mind, it will be over one day.

LewsTherin:
Ok, got that.

Now like I said, normally, I am all for playing the fool in a relationship but your husband has set a bad precedent. First, he changed a joint agreement meant for your joint family in favour of his own family. Then he kicked you out of his house (as he thought it was). Then he insists you use your share of a joint decision, a decision that he reneged on, for his own benefit. Insisted on that twice ie before he knew it was in yiur name and after he knew it was in your name.

That is not good. Basically he has shown he is willing to abandon you and your kids if he “feels” like it. Sweetheart, no offense intended, but you don't have a good husband.

My advice to you and those in similar straits is
First, pray for your husband. Pray for God to change his person, to change his ways. If he claims to be a Christian, he sure as heck isn't showing Christ-like characters

Plan for your kids. Not to the exemption of your husband, but until he shows he can be different, plan to be able to live without him for your kids. I didn't say leave him. I said to be able to live without him. Different things.

Like you have been adviced, get an independent third party to mediate and see how that goes. I understand why you don't want to let your family know but it is dicey if they don't especially as he has involved his family from the beginning. I don't agree, but I understand. Maybe a compromise will be to tell your dad. Not your mum, not your sisters. Women by nature are very emotional and they can let their emotions overwhelm them. Tell your dad in confidence and ask him to keep it that way.

Finally, under no circumstances whatsoever should you add his name to that document. In mediations, the best you should do is to place the property in a trust for your children. Children! Not you, not him, not Mr and Mrs. Put it in the names of ALL your kids with a caveat that it cannot be sold by any one until all kids are above 18 years old.

Most of all, seek mediation and pray a lot for him.

My own advice.

This is so on point, poster read this.

U guys did a joint business and shared profit ,then ur husband decided that all his own money will be put back to his parent thinking he will fall back on urs,did u guys discuss ur own share will be for both of u and did u both agree the money should be use for his parents?
Your husband is selfish by using all his money which I doubt cos if the money was as much as using it to build a house then that is no small money and I doubt he gave everything to his parent except they were sick and he was treating them with d money,that aside.
What is the stance of his parents on this?
The highest compromise u can make is Mr a and Mrs b, let ur first name show also on d docs. Don't give him full access since he has already told u to pack out he will leave u cos he strongly believe u cheated him out. And I don't know why he went running to his parents as soon has u guys had issues.

Don't go to any pastor or imam,they will compound ur problems,go to God in prayers to change his heart . If he remains adamant then leave him be. Cos I don't know why he will pack out and seek for a transfer because of this issue, except u wronged him badly earlier. Stand ur ground and goodluck

Depends on ur sex, as a female u definitely can't beat him back cos he might have a upper hand.
If I use to respect him that will be over immediately, no matter what she has done 'wrong'. I will only talk to my sister and advice her she has the option of leaving. But if I were a guy....
Honestly my first instinct will be to beat the he'll outta him, but I will warn him with a punch.

I have a high murderous instinct in the case of crime and injustice. These is not a premeditated murder so I salute ur courage, he would have worked free. Imagine them saying they didn't know she was a minor so an adult deserve to be raped.

The lawyer must have mental problems or doesnt even know the law, to think they will get a 4 year jail term.
Has neglegence ever been reported by neighbours,close family etc. This can just be simply ruled as an accident cos they had pple over and let their guard down. Stop been insensitive to stay relevant. Plus this is nigeria if we follow protocol na only prison we go use money build cos e go too dey overcrowded.

These is how pple should report their neighbours of the nusaince they constitute by beating their spouse up ,just that most pple will read ,laugh,pity,get angry, be uncaring,insult the woman for staying.
Most rich woman beater are the worst to get away from especially when they still want you. But pls any body that is going thru domestic violence (man or woman)pls run for ur live because u will most likely die from physical,emotional,or mental abuse.

jaksmillioniar:
useless omo alata dat hulk peppe in street its my blog and i will post wat i want if i neva mention dont ever reply me pls cool down cos when i start wit u u will live nairaland. go ask msdelilah or sinaj who i am. i joke a lot in rums dat dosnt mean u cross ur bandary. am sure if i stand u or ur useless boifrnd cant look me in eyes for money or advance life i live. evacroft u will hate urself

1. I will not keep arguing with you cos i find it extremely hard reading through those lines of urs.
2. my achievments in real life will scare u,cos they are not only material,like ur ac,fridge etc

3. the same way some women are f.....d up shit is same way some men are.

And lastly before u come out to criticize some certain individuals with ur arrogantly,rude self be sure u can handle the heat.
P.S- check nairaland rules nos (21) this is me writing in plain english so u can grasp and understand.

The man did not play any role raising u ,so take him just like ur biological father and not a daddy cos u dont have one.
He will not change till he gets close to God or get humbled by poverty or old age.

Dont seek for revenge cos being a bad father will hunt him one day,just pray he lives long to see u become a wealthy,good son,husband,father and over all be close to God ,U owe urself that.
Leave him be and take good care of ur mother and sis.goodluck.