₦airaland Forum

"Kareem you say me and Attai go stay for the first junction and you go stay for the other junction" I said to Kareem after we left the "Paraga" joint where we drowned ourselves with Paraga.

"yes na, abi you dey fear?" said Kareem.

One funny thing about my friend Kareem was how he walked.

Kareem's walking step was very funny. He always walked with both fist clung and placed close to his chest. When i asked him why he walked that way, his response was: "you no know say i dey set blow incase fight start, so i go fit blow fast-fast".

I will not forget the day Kareem fought with another Agbero, the guy beat the living day light out of Kareem that at the end of the fight he kept saying; "Flow my eye don comot!! Help me pick my eye!! E dey for ground".

And, trust me na!! My response was; "where your eye na? I no see am oh!! Abi the guy don carry am go?"


"but u know say this my friend na JJC, him no sabi do the work" I told Kareem.

"ehnn You go teach am na" Kareem replied. He meant i should give Attai "on the job" training.

I was a bit scared because unlike the last time i came, i wasn't putting on Agbero Uniform, i was on mufti.

Oh yeah!! Are you surprised? Agberos in Lagos have Uniform, they even have association that is recognized by the State Government. The money gotten daily is handed over to the Leader of Agbero in that Area; who will in turn deliver it to the appropriate authorities. Fortunately or unfortunately, Kareem happened to be the Leader in that Area.

"but Kareem since you be Oga for this place, give one of us your uniform make we wear na" I suggested.

"you no know say our oga kpatakpata for this zone go come? And if him come see say i no wear uniform, i don get wahala be that oh" Kareem stated.

"help us arrange two uniform na, like you take arrange one for me the last time wey i come" I said to Kareem and i saw Attai nodded.

"okay i go try" Kareem promised, a promise he never kept.


Few minutes later, We were at another Paraga joint, this time not drinking Paraga but Monkey tail.

Monkey tail is not a mixture gotten from soaked tails of Monkeys, it is gotten when anything that comes to the mind of the seller is soaked in Ogogoro; sometimes Igboh is soaked in Ogorogo to produce Monkey tail, other times Paw Paw roots are soaked, few a times dried pepper is soaked; little wonder the mixture burns the drinker down to his/her a'.ss.

Legend has it that Monkey tail is a perfect elixir for waist pain.


"Kamoru bawo ni, shey ejii dada?" Kareem shook hands with a guy that came to seat with us, the guy was putting on Agbero uniform. Then two other Agbero came, and we left for our duty posts after recieving instructions from Kareem our Boss.


I was very tipsy. I saw Vehicles as Trees and Humans as Horses.

"Attai na only me and you dey here, how this job be be say we go dey stop buses wey carry passengers, na 50naira we go dey collect for their hand, no dull yourself oh!" That was the only instruction i gave Attai, i wished it sank into his very thick skull.



30minutes had gone.

Attai was really catching up well with the job, i could tell, maybe it was because he was s'kunk drunk, or maybe not.


"Owo da!!" I yelled at a bus conductor.

"staff joko si inu bus!!" He replied.

Interpret: there is staff in the bus. (Yoruba people pls pardon my spelling. Abi una don forget say na me be IBO BOY WEY LIKE YORUBA?)

"staff kini?" I had totally forgotten that a bus containing "staff" was free from our extortion. Staff are what Uniform men are called.

I glanced into the bus to see two young men on green facecaps and green boots that didn't look to me like Army boots, and since they weren't putting on Army uniforms, i said; "Boys scout ni jor".

"Awoah ni oh!!" The bus conductor argued. Awoah is the name Soldiers are called by bus conductors.

"funmi lowo jor, awon Boys scout ni" I yelled.

"Attai block this bus, them no go move, na Boys scout them dey call Awoah" I yelled. As "obedient" as Attai, he did as i instructed.


The next thing i heard was; "kpooooaaar!!" thunder on my cheek, followed by lightening to my eyes.


"who be Boys scout!" I heard with my left ear because my right ear was instantly blocked as a plank landed on it.

"Awoah make una no vex, i think say una be Boys scout oh" They continued beating me.

"Flow make i go call Kareem come" That was the only help Attai could render.

"go quick oh! Na die i dey so oh!" I cried.

The Soldiers beat me so mercilessly that i prayed Kareem would quickly come and plead on my behalf.

A minute of endless beating had gone.
"ejor Awoah!" I heard Kareem pleaded.

"na this guy sell fake Gold watch for us that day" I heard one of the Soldiers said.

"no be me oh" I said, but as i saw the Soldiers chasing Kareem, it dawned on me i wasn't the one they were referring to.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]The story continues.[/quote]Foxy don't update in a haste because u want ur fans to be happy. Cool down and avoid mistakes. I know nobody is above mistakes, but it seems you didn't assimilate my last update. Your last update was really a shadow of your real self. MY 2KOBO.

Foxy! can i call you that? Fire down my brother.

Remember one rule is left unsaid; Rule 7. No forget how we talk am oh.

STILL U FOXY.
STILL I FLOW.

LAGOS!! Centre of excellence. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere, they say.

Truth be told, the city is very harsh, anyone that comes to do "sme-sme" in the city will be referred to as; "you come Lagos come look Uche face". I wonder what is in Uche's face that attracts people.

"sme-sme" is a Lagos slang said to refer to a Lazy fellow.


From the masterpieces of Lekki peninsula, to the high rise buildings of CMS, to the countless streets of Ikeja, to the graveyard streets of Ikoyi, to the hustle and bustle of Oshodi the central nervous system of Lagos, to the "bend down select" market of Yaba, to the Industrial areas of Apapa, so had we toured for nothing but for sightseeing.

If you reside in Lagos, you should notice i didn't mention two most Popular places. Two Places that makes Lagos the second most Popular city in Africa. One is popular because it is heaven for the Rich, while the other is popular because it is hell for the Poor.


Who can guess?


Your guess is as good as mine. The two places are Victoria Island and Ajegunle; V.I and AJ for short.



"Attai you dey mad, no be you say make we lodge for Oriental Hotel, now our money don finish and we never deliver the Coco to General Kolawole" I said as we drove pass Silverbird Galleria.

The same Galleria we went to watch a "movie" with two beautiful Ladies we met at club 10; a club owned by the Nigerian footballer Jay Jay Okocha.

Guess the Movie we watched at the Galleria?

SHREK! A cartoon series.

The Ladies were like: "we love watching cartoons", "Shrek is an interesting cartoon", and since Shrek was the "movie" premiering at the Galleria, we had no choice but to watch the boring cartoon.

Well, it was boring to Me and Attai, and i could tell it was also boring to the Ladies that pretended they loved it.



"shut up your mouth there! No be you say make we carry those girls go Silverbird Galleria?" Attai attacked.

We had spent all our life savings lodging in Oriental Hotel, Watching Shrek in Silverbird Galleria, Clubbing at Club 10, picking some clothes in Yaba "bend down select" like the true ghetto boys we were.

"bend down select" is not the name of an expensive boutique in Lagos, on the contrary, it is the name of where you buy cheap clothes. The prices of such clothes could be as cheap as 150naira each. If one is lucky, he/she could get a quality Kalvin Klein T-shirt for 200naira, that is only if the "quality" Kalvin Klein T-shirt is made in USA; United states of Aba.


All our money was gone!!

Gone!!

And we had spent just 3days in Lagos.




"now we go dey count bridge for Lagos" I said.

"how we go dey count bridge for Lagos, we be Census Officers?" Attai said.

Since Attai was a JJC in Lagos, he wasn't familiar with Lagos slangs, to "count bridge for Lagos" one must not be a National Census Commisions Officer, it means one came to Lagos to pass time. And JJC means Journey just come; that is a first timer in Lagos.

Attai was a JJC, i wasn't, i had been to Lagos severally to Visit my friend Kareem. Whenever i came to see Kareem, it was either to sell or buy Groundnut and Chicken lap, sometimes Kareem tutored me in "Agberoism".

Define Agberoism? You would ask.

Agberoism is the study of Man an his environment; like Social Studies, the difference between Social Studies and Agberoism is that unlike Social Studies Agberoism is strictly for Thugs.

If Agberoism101 was a course in the University of Thuggery, Kareem was my lecturer. He thought me how to be a serious minded Agbero.

If a person that studied Economics is called Economist, then a person that studied Agberoism is called Agbero. From year one in the University of Thuggery Kareem taught me Agberoism101 to Agberoism404 in final year.

A proffesional Thug, that was who Kareem was.



"we no get problem na, shebi your friend Kareem say make we come stay with am for him house" Attai thought we were going to stay in a penthouse, he never knew what AJ city in Lagos stood for.

"ehnnnn! Na there we go stay till on Thursday wey we go deliver the Coco to General Kolawole" I said as we drove pass the street close to Tolu Medical centre is AJ; a stone throw from Kareem's house.

Meanwhile 30kg of Coco was hid under the driver's seat of our car where i sat driving.


General Kolawole stayed in Ojo Military Cantonment, and when we called him last he told us the security in the Cantonment's enterance was so tight. He said since they caught a guy that claimed he was a Colonel's C'.ocaine boy, the Cantonment Authority had bought four Snoop Dogs that sniffs their Nose ransacking every Vehicle that goes into the Cantonment, even Pedestrians.


General Kolawole also told us he had a plan, that something would be sent to us that would make delivering the Coco to him easier.


That "something" shouldn't fetch us a bucket full of tears, i prayed.


I just prayed.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]Don't you guys want this tale to make front page?

You guys should help endorse it since the writers are not allowed to do so...

Thanks...[/quote]Chei!! Foxy you are my role model.

EKO O NI BAJE!! Thanks for allowing me to introduce the Lagos deal. I promise to kill it, just as you did.


STILL I FLOW.
STILL U FOXY.

Did anybody notice that Rule 5 was missing

It was intentional sha

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]Done deal... I need charge my phone first...

BTW... Awesome update...!!![/quote]Thanks. Btw una no want make this story enter front page

Foxy_flow pls tell us Rule 7(the last rule) of the Rule of Coco.

"i say who of you stolen a bunch of Dollar in my box" Alhaji Mustapha murdered Grammar.

I and Attai just stared at each other like identical twin kids accused of stealing pieces of meat from their Mother's pot.

"so you guys started your first deal with stealing, right?" DK said, forgetting that Rule 3 of Rules of Coco stated; "You can steal anything else, but never you steal Coco, and when you steal, make sure you are not caught".

"Alhaji we are not theives oh! You know us na, we are good boys" I assured.

"shut up! You are not thieves and Dollar notes are missing!" Yelled DK.

In my mind, i knew my "manest" man Attai stole the money, but my anger was why he never told me the bunch of money he stole from Alhaji Mustapha's box was the money we spent drinking at Mallam na Mallam bar the previous night.

"look at my boys, they have never stolen from me before" Alhaji Mustapha pointed at the two Ape look-alike that stood by his side. I glanced at the huge ID cards that huge on their necks, it read; "MU02 and MU03", and i concluded the "MU" meant "Mustapha". I wondered why Alhaji Mustapha gave his workers ID cards and DK never thought it right to do the same.

"and you have not been given your ID cards to confirm you as full fleshed members of the DK Coco conglomorate" DK said from the corner of his bent mouth.

"and i planned giving the ID cards to you this evening after your successful deal yesterday, now see yourselves!" He added.


"but Sir, we did not steal any money" I knelt down pleading with tears almost rolling down my cheeks, Rule 4 held the tears back; "never you cry, only f'ools cry".

Attai never thought it right to also kneel down and plead, rather he stood with his big head that looked like a Compass pointing North-West direction.

"Attai you dey mad? You no go beg?" I nearly said.

Since Attai couldn't kneel down and plead, i stood up, so i wouldn't be the odd one out.

MU whisphered something to DK's ear, and both men laughed.

"una dey mad, na una Papa una dey laugh" I nearly cursed.


Few seconds later, MU whispered something to DK's ear again, and they laughed even louder.

Don't be lost friends!! "DK" was the code name for Alhaji Dan Kwambo our boss, while "MU" was the code name for Alhaji Mustapha; sometimes i thought of adding another "MU" to his code name to make it "MUMU", or better still "GU" to make it "MUGU", because he was indeed a Mugu to not have noticed Attai stealing from his box.

How would the "Mugu" had noticed? Didn't they say in pidgin that; "make Mugu fall so guyman go chop". He fell for the "fast f'.ingered" Attai.

They continued laughing, making me think we were doomed.

"Attai the Beans water wey you pour for market don dey smell oh" I muttered.

"make e smell na" He replied.

I was getting mad at Attai. He stole money, and there he stood saying; "make e smell na"

"now boys leave my Office!!" Alhaji DK yelled.



I thought that was the end of our Coco farming. I thought we were doomed for life. I thought our lucrative Coco job was gone; a job i was beginning to like.


I thought we were fired.


When we refused leaving, we were forced out by two of our Collegues with code numbers O08DK and 009DK; our junior ones.


I and Attai walked for 30minutes with both of us not saying a word, mindful of not saying what would bring out the anger in each other.

If anger was rated, mine would had rated 98% that morning, i was really mad at Attai, he landed us in the mess we were in.


We reached a lonely bush path and my anger had increased to 99%.


"never you fight your fellow Coco farmer, it is a taboo" that was Rule 6 in the Rules of Coco.

"pummmmmmmm!" I broke the rule.

"pummmmmmmm!" I landed another blow on Attai's face.


We fought like heavy weight champions in WWF; he was Tripple H, i was John Cena. Or so i tot.


"bastard boy! You don make DK sack us" We continued fighting.

Round One was over, and i was swaying from left to right aiming at his both eyes, i had already jabbed him on his forehead making it swollen. Punching Attai's forehead was like punching Olumo rock, my right knuckle was acheing, infact my entire right hand was partially paralysed.

Round Two was sure for Attai because i was not breathing well. My breathing was reduced because Attai had headed my solar plexus. His head had also broken two of my ribs.

"e no go better for you" I drew closer with clung fist.


Just when the fight was becoming interesting, two guys came to seperate us; one held Attai, the other held me.

I looked keenly at their faces albeit i was seeing double, and i saw that they were known.

They were Captain and Kumelo.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]More updates coming up in a jiffy[/quote]My guy ride on. U too much.

Foxy_flow take note of the Rules, we will need them later. There are 7 of them, i have stated 2, more to come.

Take note of the code names too.

Alhaji Mustapha's house was only a stone throw away, but to Attai the "Jelly Fish" it seemed like miles away.

"Attai we don dey near the gate oh, behave yourself, no dey shake like Fish wey dem throw inside hot water oh" I was a Kettle calling a Pot black, when i too was shaking, albeit internally.

"you think say you get mind pass me?" Attai said.

"i gree, you get mind pass me" I prevented our usual argument.

"poi poi poi"

I knocked at the Gate. A bulged eye stared at us from the Camera hole of the Gate.

"who una be?" asked the owner of the eye.

"we be Coco farmers" I answered what we were told in camp to answer whenever such question is asked.

On hearing that we were Coco farmers, the owner of the bulged eye opened the gate instantly.

We entered into Paradise.

Alhaji Mustapha's compound was Paradise indeed. With a beautiful fountain flowing, an awesome garden, a Basketball court at the extreme right, a huge Chess court at the far left, i thought i was in a Mini-stadium.

Not only that, the Masterpiece of a house that stood in front of us reminded me of Saint Paul's Catholic church; where i worshiped, just that it was slightly more beautiful than my church, infact Alhaji Mustapha's house was in the same class with Saint Peter's Bassilica in Vetican City.

Soon we stood in front of the enterance to the building, i noticed the formerly fidgety Attai left his mouth ajar staring at the gigantic building.


"who are you?" A bodyguard asked. The two hefty bodyguards that stood in front of us made me saw my built body as flat as a MTN SIM card, infact the wrestler John Cena would sure look like an Ant to them, or so i tot.

I and Attai looked like Two "Davids" that stood in front of Two "Goliats", it made me almost laughed at the thought of I and Attai being Alhaji Dan Kwambo's bodyguards in the nearest future, if that was to happen, of course we sure needed to eat the Gym for Breakfast and Dinner, especially Attai.

"we are Coco farmers" Attai answered.

"what are your code numbers?" One of the bodyguards asked.

"am 006DK" Attai said.

"am 007DK" I said my James Bond code number. Maybe I and Attai were the 6th and 7th Coco farmers that worked in Alhaji Dan Kwambo's Coco plantation, just maybe.

"ooooh! So you are Alhaji Dan Kwambo's new boys?" One of the bodyguards said. Maybe he knew "DK" in our code numbers stood for "Dan Kwambo", just maybe.

We uniformly nodded in response.

They searched us, and one of them saw the Gun with me.

"we don't allow this inside, you will not need it, will you?" He held the Gun.

"you can go in now" One of the Bodyguards said after they had confirmed what we carried was Coco and not Salt or Garri.

We walked into the most beautiful living room i had ever seen since i was born, No, the second most beautiful, the first was owned by Microsoft owner Bill Gate, i saw it on Tv.

Another two bodyguards searched us as we entered the living room, the one searching me mistakenly held my d'.ick thinking it was a Gun.

"go upstairs, the first door by your left" One of the bodyguards directed us after we had told them our code numbers.

Attai was admiring the fine decorations in the living room that he mistakenly stepped on me.

"Attai remember wetin them tell us for camp, nothing is too Beautiful and nothing is too U'gly, so don't admire the Beautiful and don't get Irritated by the U'gly" I reminded Attai of Rule 1 of the Rules of Coco.

That rule was sure not applicable to Ladies. If a beautiful Lady walk pass me, i would sure admire for a minimum of 30seconds if she is "backyardless", but if she is "backyardfull" i would admire for a minimum of 2minutes until she reaches vantage point. But if an U'gly Lady walk pass me either backyardfull or backyardless, then....... NO NEED!!



"hello DK boys!!" I thought Alhaji Mustapha called us "^.ick boys". If he actually called us D^ick boys, then he was partially right, because the portrait of a 90% n'.aked white Lady i saw hung on the wall made my d'.ick stood.

"how are you?" the Fat Alhaji Mustapha said.

"we are fine"

"you have the stuff?" He asked.

"yes sir" We both brought out the Coco in our bags.

As I handed over the 5kg Coco with me to the Alhaji, he asked; "what is your name?", my dull brain interpreted what he asked as; "what is the name".

I thought he was asking for the name of what i was giving to him, so i answered; "Coco".

"Wow! Your name is Coco! Nice name" He smiled.

"No! my name is Flow" I quickly corrected.

Attai handed him the 5kg Coco with him, and he also told him his name.


From nowhere, Alhaji Mustapha brought out a small tray containing a whitish powder that looked like Coco, and he said: "Attai and Flow come and join me"

Rule 2 of Rules of Coco kept resounding in my head: "Never accept free meals; taking Coco with a stranger is dangerous"

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]So you dey alive?

Seriously, to update no dey fear me, but me want your touch for the next episode that's why I keep quite.

I will bear with you till tomorrow.

Readers, do bear with us, we will update starting from tomorrow.

Thanks[/quote]Mr Man if u wan update, update abeg and stop beating about the bush.

You are really killing the spirit of this story. Must you wait for me before you update. You are waiting for my "Touch" indeed.

No be only "Touch" na "Florecent". Why not update ur own "touch" than keep our fans waiting? When your "touch" is as good as mine, if not better. Since i told u am sometimes busy, why don't u keep the story going than keeping it on hold. #No yabbis intended#


I just spoke from a reader's point of view, so i don't want anybody to come quoting me saying; "Flow u are proud", "Flow must you correct him in this thread", "Flow why don't you PM him", "Flow this....... Flow that".

Foxy_flow, if what i said hurts, sorry. But it shouldn't hurt u. What do they say about open rebuke? They say; "open rebuke is better than hidden praises"



STILL I FLOW



PS: make una no mind Foxy_Flow oh, nothing do me. I don't know where he got that from, maybe he saw me in his dream.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]I am sorry for the delay... Matters that touches the heart occurred...

Please, put Flow in your prayers.

I will await him bouncing-back.

Thanks...[/quote]wetin them go pray for me for? Wetin happen to me?

Why i haven't updated is because i have not being chanced, i travelled. Foxy_flow pls bear with me. I will update by 2morrow.


BTW if i no update, you no fit update dey go? Shebi we don talk how the story go go. Abi to update dey fear you?

kenchukscole: Hahahahahahhaahhaaha....foxyflow y u dey shake like fowl wey dey inside water?? I don laf tire...gud work bro

Me sef laf well-well, infact i still dey laf sef

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]Shi't up!!!

My MB just expired....

Flow please "talkabout" me for the number for my signature!!![/quote]I will, but not now.

But please take note of the code names. No mistakes.

Our maiden deal was to deliver a 10kg Coco to Alhaji Mustapha that stayed in Naibawa; a town on the outskirts of Kano. We divided the Coco into two; 5kg with Attai, and 5kg with me, the reason for the division was for all our Eggs not to be in one Basket.

In our training camp, we were told not to ever go on a Coco Movement with a car, that a bike was best. So I and Attai left without any of the cars. There was more we were told in camp, we were also told not to alight from the bike directly in front of the house we were suppose to deliver the Coco, that someone might be watching, so it was best we alight from the bike about 200metres away, and walk the rest.

Sorry to bore you with what we were told at the camp, we were also told that if we were two persons to deliver Coco in the same place, that when one person get close to the house before the other person, he should alight from the bike and secretly wait somewhere for the other person's arrival before they both walk to the house of the Contact gisting to avoid suspicion.

And the most important of what we were told in camp was to always go with our guns to wherever we were going to, even it be the Toilet. Lemme speak for myself; i was told that a Pen was to a student what a Gun was to me, how i wished i could use my Gun the same way a student would use his/her Pen on an Exercise book, then any member of the Nigerian Police Force i set my eyes on would sure be my Exercise Book. But on the contrary, i was warned severely that a Bullet was as priceless as a Life, so i shouldn't waste both, but if the need be, i should.

I was sure Attai was also told all these in his camp because his face read: "them no born them well"

We both looked like 100level students in a Nigerian University as we walked to Alhaji Mustapha's house gisting. The way we were dressed, no one would suspect we were on a Coco movement, they would think we were University students returning from lectures.


"chei!! i don forget my Chicken lap for house oh" Attai said.

"nawa for you oh"

"i no know how i take forget am ooh" He cried.

"you dey jonz oh!! And dem warn us for camp say make we no go anywhere without our Chicken lap oh" I said.

"na forget i forget am na, but you carry your own ba?" He asked.

"yes na"

"and the Chicken lap wey you carry na Fried Chicken lap abi?" He asked a rather s'tupid question. How would i had made a mistake of carrying a Raw Chicken lap?

Don't be lost, we weren't Chicken sellers, just that we had code names for virtually everything. Fried Chicken lap meant a loaded gun, while Raw Chicken lap meant a gun that wasn't loaded.

"why i go carry Raw Chicken lap? I dey mad?" I asked the obvious, i was really mad. After the training, i was matriculated into the University of Madness, virtually everything made me mad, my temper tantrums were stretched out.

"no worry my Chicken lap go cover two of us, I fry am well-well" I said.

"make we increase the speed of our Legedez Benz" Attai advised because he was insecured. If you are a Coco farmer like us, you would agree with me that without your Fried Chicken lap, you will be a bit insecure.

We weren't driving a new model of Mercedez Benz car, Legedez Benz were our feet.

As we got to a junction, we followed the road by the left; that was the road that led to Alhaji Mustapha's house, and from nowhere, a Police checkpoint appeared far in front of us.

"Flow who be those people wey wear black?" Attai asked.

"them be Father Christmas" I almost answered.

"na Pastors them be oh" Attai cried.

It wasn't Pastors that we saw but Policemen, the code name we called Policemen was "Pastors", and "Pastor" for singular, and for Mobile Policemen, we called them "My Pastors" for Plural and "My Pastor" for singular.

At the checkpoint was a combination of "Pastors" and "My Pastors", a combination that we code named "General Overseers".

"guy!! see General Overseers ooooh" Attai said in jitters. I could tell my friend Attai was really scared, i was scared too. You wouldn't blame me, would you? In training camp, we were told that "fear" was the most deadly disease, and that the disease was very contagious.

Just as Attai said that, a "Pastor Mrs" passed us walking towards the checkpoint.

"Pastor Mrs" was a code name for a Policewoman.

The Pastor Mrs was on a "Talkabout" so she didn't even notice us.

Talkabout means making or recieving a call, another code name, take note!

"Attai na Exam we dey so oh!!" I said.

To be in an "Exam" means to be in a difficult situation that fast thinking was required.

"Flow, answer Objective make i answer Theory" Attai advised.

Since Objective section had more questions than Theory section in WAEC, what he meant was that i should think deeper than him.

His thinking Faculty was shut down. Or so i tot.



We had just 60seconds to answer all the questions in the Exam.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]
You eh...

Thanks for commenting.[/quote]My guy u too much.

But i was lost at some point in ur last but one update. Meet me at our usual place lets talk.

At the gate we met Engineer, this time he was all smiles.

"here is the key to your room, your room is room 5" He handed over the key to our room to me.


"Big boys don't smile" they say, i held myself from smiling back at Engineer because i knew i was a Big boy. Bigger than the formerly dreaded Engineer.




Not only was our room well furnished, it was beautiful.

Yes, beautiful for real. For me to have stayed in a room with licking roof, pot-holes, and cracked walls, then i know a beautiful room when i see one. For me to have also stayed in a room i shared with Rats, cockroaches, Ants, and sometimes Snakes, then i know a beautifull room when i see one. The last time i stayed in a tiled room for more than 24hours was in 2001 when i was locked up in a Police cell, the cell was tiled with what looked like Marble tiles, and i think that cell could be ranked as one of the most beautiful Police cells in Nigeria. Why i was locked up in the cell is none of your business.

"Attai we be big boys oh, see room wey we go dey stay" I saw Attai limped in.

"s'hit up!! So na like so God take dey bless person, from prison see as we don turn Big boys" Attai said.

"mehn see foam wey we go dey sleep, see as e high" I landed on our huge bed.

Attai landed on the bed also, and he said; "Flow e be like say my b'lockus don burst oh, those soldiers kick me for b'lockus, e be like say na only one Egg remain for my b'lockus oh"

"na you sabi oh, na because you stubborn na"

"you dey mad!! me and your Papa who stubborn pass?" Attai cursed.

"that one concern you, me i dey hungry, make i go find wetin i go chop" I replied.


"chei! See enough Rice and Beans and Garri, Alhaji buy food stuff for us oooh" I was in the Kitchen already.

"make we cook Rice na, e be like say all the ingredient dey oh" I came to where Attai lay facing the roof.

"ehen! Go start to cook am na, wetin you dey wait for, me i wan watch TV" Attai put on the Tv. Since I was used to watching box Tv, I never noticed there was a Tv in the room because it was Flatscreen.

"Attai abi you know say i no sabi cook and na you be chief cook" I flattered.

"Flow i no get strength to cook jor" Attai said.

Just then, someone knocked.

"who is that!!" i was shocked.

"is your neighbour" A voice answered.

"Attai go open the door!!" I never wanted my face to be the first face our neighbour would see.

"you dey mad, you go open door jor" Attai said.

"but who go come dey knock for our door for this night na" I muttered.

"when you reach the door, you go know who dey knock" Attai said.


I opened the door to meet the U'gly face of Engineer.

"where is the neighbour that knocked?" I asked, not knowing Engineer was the neighbour.

"i am the neighbour" Engineer smiled.

"Are you our neighbour? Do you stay here?" i needed to know.

"yes, this is my room" He pointed at a room opposite ours.

"ehnnn! i came to ask if i could be of help to you?" He asked.

"yes, you could be of help to me, my b'.alls are itching, scratch it for me" I said in my mind's mouth.

"i hope the foodstuff i bought for you is complete, hope no food ingredient is missing?" He was indirectly telling me he bought the foodstuff in the kitchen, of course i knew it was not with his money but with Alhaji's money.

"yes, we are okay" I answered.

"in the kitchen, there is Kerosene stove and Gas cooker, incase you want to cook" said Engineer.

"i have seen them" I said.

"if you need help, just knock on my door" Engineer said.

"this one wey you dey talk say make we knock your door, hope say you no be G'.ay oh" I said in my mind's mouth.

"we will do that if we need help, Thank you" I replied and he left.

As i shut the door and turned, i heard noise in the kitchen, Attai had already started cooking.

"ehnnnn! Attai this one wey you rush enter kitchen, hungry dey wayah you well-well be that oh" I said on getting to the kitchen.

"i just pity you, if not na you for cook this food this night" He replied.

Attai had the magic fingers when it came to cooking, he could create a palatable intercontinental dish from just Seasoning and Rice.




Few minutes later, the food was half way done when Attai asked; "we no go use Fish or Meat chop the food?"

"if meat and fish no dey, we for use boiled Egg chop am oh, e go make sense oh" I was wondering who he wanted to go out and buy Eggs at such Unholy hour of the night, his grandfather i guessed.

"shebi one Egg still remain for your b'lockus? Ehnnn use the remaining one Egg wey dey your b'lockus put for the food make we boil am chop na" I teased.

"Flow i no like that kin play oh, na your b'lockus Egg we go cook chop, no be my own" Attai took it personal.



We ate the delicious meal, watched TV, and slept.


What happened the next day was what i wished i saw in my dreams.

killuminati: Errm... I don show... Flow and Foxy, abeg make una delay updates cos I still dey page 2, I wan follow una bumper to bumper...

NB: so.. Flow, ashe kaima kana jin Hausa? Tohh!

Interpret what you wrote as NB?

As we stepped into our Toyota Camry 2.2, i almost cried. The last time i drove a car was in 1999, not to talk of me owning one. Co-owning one rather.

"Attai you sabi drive?" I needed to know.

"no oh, my papa no even get bicycle when him dey alive, com talk of motor" He replied.

"even if your Papa no get motor no mean say you no go learn how to drive"

Of a truth i told him, my Dad couldn't boast of owning a car tyre, yet i learnt how to drive from the streets. The streets thought me practically everything; how to steal, how to lie, how to woo a Lady, how to f'.uck, how to be a gluton, how to smoke, etcetera. I was a first class graduate of the University of Hard knocks, the street was my Lecturer.

"what of you, you sabi drive?" Attai asked.

"i be professional driver na, i dey drive Tipper, Lorry, Ambulance, even Catapillar sef" I exaggerated.

"okay take key drive us go our new house" He handed me the car key.

Since it had been long i drove last, i was a bit jittery initially.

"Flow drive sofre-sofre oh, na night be now oh" Attai advice.

"Attai Forget, no be you go tell me how to drive"

To be sincere to myself, i drove roughly, and i wasn't drunk.

"Flow take am easy oh" Attai advised for the umpteenth time as i overtook a fuel tanker.

I drove in a neck-breaking speed without my seat belt on.

All of a sudden; "gbooooooooor!!" i hit an Infinity jeep. And that was the beginning of troubles that almost lasted till "infinity".

In a sticker pasted behind the jeep was written: "ARMY: Victory is from God alone" and i prayed that same God would save us that night.


"Flow make we drive with speed run" Attai suggested.

"make we go beg am, him jeep no too spoil, na only the light" I said.

The chubby man i guested was an Army Officer already stood holding an Army belt, he was threatening to deal seriously with us. A threat Attai thought was an empty threat.



"Mr Man we don beg you tayah na, wetin you want make we do? No be only your light spoil, our own spoil sef" It seemed Attai never saw the Army belt he held. Or so i thought.

"na who you carry belt for, who you wan flog?" He actually did see the belt, but maybe he thought it was Boyscout belt.

"do you know who i am?" was a question for Attai to answer.

"who are you?" He rather answered with another question.


"i am a Captian in the Nigerian Army, i will deal with both of you" The man said for the records, what never recorded in Attai's dull brain.

At that moment, cold chivers were acrobatically dancing all over my system.

"na because you hold belt for hand nahim make you be Army officer, abeg make we hear word jor" I was wondering what gave Attai such confidence.

"if na like that them dey take be Army Officer, that mean say i for don be General, my friend Flow for be Major General" Attai looked at the already "melting" Flow. I was melting like Ice cube on a sunny day.

"na your papa go be Major General" I almost cursed Attai.

Where luck smiled on the doubting Attai was when a patrol Van parked and two Soldiers came out. As a sharp guy, i brought out the new phone Alhaji bought for me and pretended like someone called me and i was recieving the called. As i did so, i moved few steps away from where Attai stood.

"shun sir!!" the two soldiers greeted the man. That was when it dawned on Attai that trouble would rain on him.

"soldiers! deal with this stubborn grasshopper" The man ordered pointing at Attai. I thank my stars it was just Attai he pointed.

Since they say in Army; "obey the last order", the two soldiers quickly grabbed Attai who took few steps to run.

They beat Attai blue black forgetting i stood there. I thought of running, but thought otherwise, afterall what are friends for.

The extent Attai was beaten was quite appalling, so i took my eyes off.

As i looked away, my eyes caught a dark beautiful Lady came out of the Inifinity jeep.

The Lady looked familiar, or was my eyes failing me already?

I looked keenly, and saw that the lady was Mary. Mary my dear sister, in whom i am well pleased.

"Brother Flow!!" she hugged me. As she did, i noticed she was pregnant. That was when it dawned on me that she might as well be the Captain's wife.

As a good friend i was, i quickly pleaded with my sister to plead with her husband to free Attai.

She did, and the Soldiers stopped beating Attai. By then i saw a brand new Attai, he had two horns.

The Captain who was formerly mad at us started smiling at us all of a sudden. Why wouldn't he smile at us? When his beautiful wife Mary pleaded on our behalf. Mary was the kind of Lady that could make a Catholic Priest r'.ape her. Very very s'exy. I sometimes wished she wasn't my sister, i would had married her.

I chatted with Mary a bit, we exchanged numbers, and she gave me her address in the barracks. I promised to pay her a visit soon.


I practically carried Attai into "our" car, and off we went.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow][b]Good morning y'all...

Yesterday was outrightly annoying so I managed just an update. You all know that feeling when you wake up happy and some sadist come to rub off his spirit on you. That was what happened.

It's a new day and I am very happy. Sometimes, in fact, most times, when you don't have a girlfriend to make you think all the time, you become inspired.

A special thanks to Flow for agreeing to do this with me. I started weakly but have garnered strength after each update. To my fans and followers, wait, not fans but FRIENDS, you guys are the reason I am writing. After ''Attai... The Player from Kano'', you've always wanted something. I have tried different things but seemed to find solace in this one. FLOW, na because of you o. Your updates are crucial and inspiring. May God bless you for me.

Madawaki, Seankaycombz, Chistar, Gifteey100, Cavali, Yemi2plus, Sambroose, Damex, Younghakuna, ... See, una many... I am using a phone right now... I will compile your names when I'm on a system. May God bless you all for me.

Mynd_44, thank you for not banning me. We both know how annoying I can be.

And to all my silent followers plus the guests that grace this page thereby increasing my amount of views, you guys are the bomb.

Finally... All thanks to Almighty God for this inspiration, to Etisalat for the free MB, to my boss, for allowing me do Nairaland because he love my poems and proses. Also to Seun Osewa... You gbasky. To Ishilove... To Mimi... To Greyce... To all the wonderful friends in my life... God bless you.


PEACE OUT!!!


Still I FOXZEE ---- 419 [/b][/quote]Awwwww!! I love this. U are the man.

Don't you think its high time this story hit the Front page?

Lemme update now, am a bit free.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]'Lol... Please... I have to get up early tomorrow... Goodnight palz...[/quote]I will not be updating today due to unforseen circumstances beyond my volition. Pls bear with me. THANK YOU.


I STILL DEY FLOW

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]Abeg ... If una see FLOW, make una tell am say I dey hail o... I wan try update this night after him update.

Make una bear with us abeg!!![/quote]No vex oh. Na tayah i tayah oh. Na 2morrow sure pass oh.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]Now, that is what I call....

"Making up"

Sorry for the long update!!![/quote]You killed it my man. You are the bomb. U don dey write pass me sef, i dey learn where you dey. Or so i tot.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]Might not be able to update... My body aint feeling too well...

Please bear with me. If I'm able to, I will make it up to you!!![/quote]sorry about that.

But before you update ur next, lets meet at our usually joint so i will tell you how ur next update is gonna be like, so you will not stray from what i have in mind. Don't keep me waiting......

We left our property at the Ogogoro joint we stayed drinking all afternoon. The Ogogoro Lady promised to look after them for us.


"we dey look for Alhaji, him dey around ba?" Attai asked the gateman as we got to Alhaji's place by 4pm.

"who una be? Him know say una dey come?" The untidy gateman asked.

"yes him know, we dey do business with am" I answered.

"which kin business?" the gateman was becoming too inquisitive.

"oga open gate for us jor, if we no get business with Alhaji, why we go come here, na him say make we come na" Attai said.

Alhaji's compound looked bigger and more beautiful that day, i even thought we were in the wrong compound.

From nowhere i saw a creature ran towards us.

"Attai see Lion!!" I yelled.

I took to my heels, so did Attai. The Lion ran after us so fast that i thought it might be a Cheetah and not a Lion.

It was none of the aforementioned. It was a Dog. A huge Dog. I came to the conclusion that it was a Dog when i heard a Lady on Hijab yelled; "Fred come here!" and the Dog stopped chasing us.

Nevertheless, my friend Attai continued running.

"Attai stop to run, the Dog no dey pursue us again" I said to Attai who was on the verge of jumping above the fence.

"Fred! Why are you chasing visitors" the Lady spoke to the Dog as we walked towards her huffing and puffing.

"Fred" was indeed a nice name for a Dog. Or so i tot.


"we are looking for Alhaji Dan Kwambo" I said to the beautiful Lady. Beautiful! Beautiful! Beautiful! Beautiful! And for the umpteenth time, Beautiful!

Indeed she was beautiful. For the first time in my life, i fell in Love. If someone falls on the floor, wouldn't the person definately get up?

Of course the person would, i had fallen in Love with the Lady on Hijab, and i planned to remain fallen, i wouldn't even get up, infact i planned sleeping on the floor.

"Alhaji is in his office" The Lady said.

"Flow, she say him dey him Office oh, wetin we go do na?" Attai tapped me back to reality from Cupid's world.

"ehen, pls can you give us the address to his office, we are his business associates, and he told us to come to his house because we always do business with him at home" I sugar coated. We were well dressed, save Attai's "canoe" shoe, we sure looked like business associates.

"his office is in this compound and not far fetched" The Lady was speaking clean English to my surprise.


"go with her, she will direct you to where his office is" She was referring to a maid.

I was still admiring the Lady on Hijab, and i told myself that i will not only do Coco business with Alhaji, but that he would definately give me his daughter's hand in marriage. Or so i tot.

Little did i know she was young but not available.

All of a sudden, a car drove into the compound, a bus rather, the bus contained so many school children that i thought we were in a school compound.

Two of the children ran to the welcoming arms of the Lady on Hijab saying; "mummy!!". That was when it dawned on me that the Lady was married with kids, and frown came to my face.

As we walked behind the maid, all i was thinking of was why we never saw Alhaji's family members the last time we came. Or were they in their various rooms? Maybe, because i was sure Alhaji's house was big enough to have 20rooms.

That was not only what clouded my mind: "why all this Alhajis go dey marry young-young women, women wey suppose be our wife nahim them go marry as Third, Fourth, and Fifth wife"

"with their big-big belle, e no go better for them this Alhaji oh" I almost cursed. But it was sure gonna be "better" for Alhaji Dan Kwambo, because if it was better for him, then i would be smiling to the bank.

Alhaji's office could be compared to the Office of the Governor of Central Bank. Large, well furnished and with expensive decorations.

"seat down friends, you are welcome" Alhaji beckoned.

My a'.ss was lost in the leather Setee and i saw that Attai wasn't seating comfortably either, it was like we sat on a baloon.

"you see young men, you will start work right away" Alhaji went straight to the point.

He brought two bags, and said; "gentlemen, this is Coco". It seemed he meant serious business, he wasn't smiling at all.

"you take this Coco to Dogo-Dogo junction, a man on Blue shirt will be waiting to recieve it from you" He handed me one of the bags.

"you take this to Airport road junction, a man on Yellow shirt will be waiting to recieve it from you" He handed Attai.

"how fast and smart you guys deliver these orders will show how intelligent you are" Alhaji said.

"you can go now" He said.

My heart beat had increased to 20beats per seconds, i was f'.ucking scared.

"no paddy for jungle" they say in Pidgin, so i and Attai parted to our seperate destinations.

Little did we know that Alhaji was testing our Liver, if it be as soft as Lily or as hard as a rock.

Little did we also know that what we carried was actually not Coco.

chinedumo: I doubt ladies will like this story

I assure you, my next update is gonna be loved by Ladies.

You guys should pls bear with me, my last update had some mis-spelled words. It refused modifying.


STILL FLOWING

The "yellow" Lady almost killed me. Infact i died and resurrected.

My d'ick almost tore to pieces, it's muscles was weak. She gave it to me from behind, above, up side down, down side up, vertically, horizontally, diagonally, even alphabetically.

Yes, Alphabetically because while i rammed in and out of her, she moaned; "Aaaaa Beeee Ceeeee Deeee Eeee" and when she got to "F", she changed tempo and moaned; "Flooo" that sounded like my name "Flow".

That was the first time i heard a Lady moaning Alphabetically, she was like: "Flooo Glooo" and i almost responded; "Glo: with Pride" like the Nigerian Network provider would say.



"oga Police oh! Wetin be this na" Attai complained, it reminded me of the song by the Identical twins P-square.

"wetin we do na?" It seemed Attai was prooving stubborn. Why wouldn't he? When he was on his clothes, albeit wet. I wasn't only putting on just boxers, the boxers was stained with blood.

I knew not how the blood came to stain it. Or was it that the p'.rostitute was a Virgin? Impossicant!

"you! wetin stain your boxers? Na blood abi?" A Policeman beamed his torchlight on my boxers.

"no Officer, na water, no be blood" I lied.

"shut up!! Na blood!!" He yelled.


"na blood sir, na blood" I said fidgety.

"wetin carry blood go your boxers?" He asked.

I thought of a befitting lie to say, but found none, so i decided to say the truth.

But on a second thought, i told myself it was best i lied.

Alas! I came up with a lie; "Officer i dey work for where them dey slutter meat, na the meat blood nahim stain my boxers"

"so na this night you dey slutter meat abi?" The Policeman asked.

"yes Officer, i dey night duty" I replied.


"what of your shirt, where e dey?" He queried.

"for my working place we no dey use shirt work, na only boxers we dey use work" I answered.

He turned to Attai and said; "you! why your cloth wet?"


I never knew Attai to be a wonderful lier like me, so i waited to hear what his lie would sound like.


"Officer na..... Officer na...... Officer na....." Attai suddenly turned stammerer.

"waaaaaarrrrr!!" was the sound of nothing else but a horse whip.

As the Policeman landed the horse whip on Attai, he changed from being a stammerer to being a choir master.

"aaaaaaaaalleeey!!" I thought he was singing an "Alellujay" song.

"Ooooofficer!! Oooonfficer!! Oooofficer!!" He changed to singing a Yoruba song.

"talk na!!" The Policeman gave him another "delicious" whip.


"oooooooooohoooly!!" I thought he was singing a worship song. A familiar worship song: "Holy are you Lord, all creation bow to you" I saw him bowed to the Policeman.

"you no wan talk abi? If we free all of them, na only you we no go free" The Policeman stated.

Attai, on hearing that, started talking.

"Officer i go talk oh" He cried.

The Policeman he was talking to paid him no attention, instead, another Policeman landed a stick on his head. His mountain Everest head.

"Officer na Swim oh..........." I thought he wanted to say he swam in a p'.rostitute's c'.unt, and almost drowned.

"you go swim ehnn!!" The Policeman landed the stick on Attai's head again. I really pitied my friend Attai. For the first time in a long while, i saw tears ran down his cheeks.

"i go swim oh, i go swim Officer" He cried.

"na for this night you go swim abi, you be w'itch?" The Officer fired.

"yes sir!!" Attai answered.

"ehenn!! you be w'itch abi? Na your type we dey find, you go smell pepper today"

"no oh Officer i no dey sell pepper oh" He thought the Policeman said he was a pepper seller.

"i no be w'itch oh, i go swim for Bompoi river oh, na me and this my friend go swim" He pointed at me. And like "Peter", i denied him saying; "Officer him dey lie oh, i no know am, i never see am before oh".

"na lie na my friend him be oh"
"Officer na lie oh, i never see this boy before oh" I and Attai started our usually argument.

"shut up!!" the Officer brought the argument to a stop.

Other guys that were arrested with us were questioned just the way we were questioned.

"okay, if all of una want make we let una go make una empty una pocket, and give us wetin dey inside" that was how currupt Nigerian Policemen could be.

Some guys gave the Policemen as little as 200naira and was freed. But I and Attai had no fardin to offer.

"make we give them that Gold wrist watch na" Attai whispered to my ears.

The thought of giving out such expensive Gold wrist watch to the useless Policemen made me almost cried.


"Officer we no get anything, na only this Gold wrist watch me and my friend get to give una" I spoke to a Policeman as Attai brought out the wrist watch.

On hearing "Gold" the Policemen fumbled as they grabbed the wrist watch from Attai. And they instantly freed us.

"i think say you say him no be ur friend?" one of the Policemen asked as we took few steps.


"him be my friend-friend" I replied as we walked into the dark bush.

"