₦airaland Forum

chistar01: DaFuck!!! Ewww!!.. LWKMD!!, irritating ending, but really funny chapter in all. STILL YOU FLOW.

Thanks my man Chistar.

Firstgentleman, shedysworld you guys are next characters on my next chapter.

Forum Games department was a notorious department in NU, what made the department notorious wasn't the Forum Games department students, neither was it the building that housed the department, but behind the building was a Republic. 411 Republic.

411 Republic was actually the 411 of NU. The dirty, bushy surroundings made the Republic an appalling sight to behold, as it was located at the extreme south of NU, just by the fence that demarcated NU and an off-campus female hostel, it was sheltered by a gigantic Mango tree. 411 was a beehive for gamblers, headquarters for sales of stolen items, and sometimes it served as a bureau de change agency. Obinoscopy the HOD of Forum Games department had tried closing 411, all to no avail because Chamotex and SeanT his assistants were the founders of the Republic.

As they walked passed the department, they saw scrolling on a screen; "WORDS ENDING WITH LETTERS "IC"" as a topic.

"prick! Prick end with IC" Flow yelled. And they all laughed at the naughty Flow.

"mumu! Prick end with ICK" Skolopy corrected.

Why 411 Republic was dreaded more than Kalakuta Republic that was located behind Celebrity department was because unlike Kalakuta Republic, 411 Republic was invaded almost everyday by the school security. And unlike Kalakuta Republic, 411 Republic wasn't Colonized. That is to say no Lecturer in the school paid 411 Republic a visit, never! Infact lecturers detested 411 Republic and Loved Kalakuta Republic. They Loved Kalakuta because it was the headquarters for everything smoke-able, ranging from Cigarrete to Weed to Cigarillo to Cigar to C'.ocaine to Cow dung, and the likes. Some Lecturers that were smokers fought for the establishment of Kalakuta Republic, so it was established 3years after NU kicked off, and a year after 411 Republic was established albeit illegit.

Flow spat Saliva to the ground as they walked through the narrow road that led to 411 Republic, he never dreamt that one day he would visit the infamous 411 Republic, the only Republic he was a "registered" member was Kalakuta Republic. Foxy, Skolopy and Madawaki were registered member of 411 republic, while Flow 4iko and Damex were patriotic Kalakutanites.

"ehmmmmm! this place dey smell s'hit" Flow complained.

"abi una dey s'hit for this bush?" He added.

"no oh! Na all this girls wey dey stay for that hostel dey throw short-put enter here oh" said Bin gbagbo.

"Short-put" was a NU slang said to refer to when someone poo on Polythene bag, that wasn't where the name was gotten from, the name was gotten from the act of throwing the poo just the way Short-put throwers do in Olympics. Students that stayed in off-campus hostels practiced Short-putting when they needed to poo and there was no water to flush the toilets. Short-putting was easy, less time consuming, and reliable.

"why them dey throw the s'hit enter school compound na" Flow was looking at the window of a bathroom upstairs, he was straining his eyes whether he could see any part of the body of a Lady taking her bath, he never knew he had stepped out of the narrow road.

"nyama!! Flow you don match s'hit" Chistar yelled.

"na lie!" Flow doubted.

"mumu!! See your leg, you don match ripe s'hit" Bin gbagbo made comedy out of Flow's condition and they laughed at him.

"ooooh God!! Which kin wahala be this na" Flow cried as he rubbed off the poo on the sole of his right shoe on the grasses.

"mumu! You dey look woman wey dey baf and you go match s'hit" Bin gbagbo continued laughing.

Flow thought it right to wear just his left foot of shoe to 411 Republic leaving the soiled right foot for God knows what.

As he limped into the Republic, Chamotex said to him; "where your second leg na?".

"na two leg i get na, abi na only one leg you dey see?" Flow answered staring down to confirm if he had lost a leg.

"i mean where your one leg of shoe?" Chamotex made the question lucid.

"okay, e don cut, i give shoemaker make him repair am" Flow lied.



Flow brought out his 3310 Nokia phone and said; "i wan bet with my phone oh".

"no wahala, but this your phone na 500naira you go bet am as oh" SeanT stated.




The game started with Flow's man Skolopy having an upper hand. Before a twinkle of Flow's eyes Skolopy had won 2000naira. Flow was over-joyous as Skolopy tossed the die with so much dexterity.

Before a twinkle of Flow's eyes again, Skolopy had won 6000naira, Flow paid Bin gbagbo the money he owed him and firmly held the remaining 1000naira like Gold.

Where trouble came for Flow was when the die ran out of the shade of the Mango tree into the bush.

"Make i go bring am" Flow stood up to go fetch the die.

He found the die, and as he bent down to pick it up........ "gboooooooooo!!" Short-put landed on his head.

"aaaaaaaah!! S'hit don land for Flow head" Bin gbagbo started laughing.

The short-put Polythene bag sat on Flow's head like a crown. And he looked more like Oba of Benin.



END OF CHAPTER 13



STILL I FLOW.

"i say pay me your money or i take you to Room 9" The Room 9 Dog thundered.

"infact after you pay me the money, i will still take you to Room 9" The Room 9 Dog threatened.

"am sorry sir, it will never happen again" Flow cried.

Flow detested Room 9 because of all what Foxy had told him about the place. Foxy had told him that Room 9 was an over-crowded room, that the whole prisioners were kept in just one room, Foxy told him that albeit the room was big, time to sleep was like time of war, it was 49 sleeping on the floor and 99 stand-sleeping.

Foxy had narrated to Flow how Mosquitoes feasted on them creating tattoos on their bodies. Foxy also told him that the farts of Red Mosquito and Yellow Mosquito smelt like Insecticide that drove away the Mosquitoes.

The thought of how Room 9 might look like sent shivers down Flow's spine that he started speaking gibberish; "i am sorry Oga RND, it will not repeated himself". RND was the acronyn for "Room Nine Dog"

"Oga RND Pls sir forgiving me, i will not spoken Pidgin again" Flow was killing everyone with his grammatical bomb, forgetting that his girlfriend Josephine stood there, the same Josephine he told he was an half-caste, the same Josephine that told him she loves guys that speaks good English that was why she fell for him.

"Flow what are you speaking?" Josephine queried.

"am sorry, it is a slip of tongue" Flow answered.

Skolopy drew closer to Flow and whispered something to his ear, then Flow brought out his wallet, moved closer to the RND officer and pleaded; "Bro RND!! Make i find you 2k na, abeg i no wan go Room 9, abeg".

"am charging you for speaking Pidgin and you are still speaking Pidgin!! You want to go to room nine?" The RND officer threatened.

"God forbid bad thing!! I don't want to go the Room 9 oh"

"okay make it 2500" the RND officer said.

"Oga RND before God and Man, this 2000 is my last card" Flow cried.

"Pls sir!! Pls sir i don't have another money!!" Flow pleaded.

"Okay bring it, and if i catch you speak Pidgin again, i will make sure you pass a night in Room 9" He agreed, collected the money and left smiling.

The RNDs were like NU "Agberos", albeit the VC instructed that they collect 500naira from defaulters, it was obvious all the money wasn't used to fulfil the purpose they were meant for, as HODs, Deans and RNDs shared a larger percentage of it and used the rest to pay the cleaners that kept the lecture halls clean. Being an HOD or Dean in NU could be likened to being a Senator in the Federal republic of Nigeria, little wonder the election of HODs and Deans could be likened to Nigeria's Presidential election. The tenure of Abacha the Literature department HOD was almost over, the prayers of the Literature department students was that Abacha should fail in the forthcoming HOD and Dean election, and for another HOD to take over, maybe Babangida, or maybe not.

Students like Flow and Foxy a.k.a F-square could hold a 41 days dry fasting and prayers for Abacha to fail in the election.


Just when Flow was counting one less trouble, then came another trouble.


"ehen!! Flow you are here, pay me my money oh, you promised to pay me last week, since last week i have been looking for you" It was Bin gbagbo the self acclaimed King of Comedy department. He and Chistar walked towards Flow, it was Chistar who was a Literature student that showed Bin gbagbo where Flow was. Chistar so much hated Flow for snatching his girlfriend Josephine.

The song "Double wahala for dead body" by the Late Legendary Afrobeat musician was heard from afar the Music department. A song that could best describe Flow's condition.

"i say pay me my money" Bin gbagbo barked.

Bin gbagbo was a look-alike to the late Bin laden, just that Bin laden was a terrorist and Bin gbagbo was a comedian. Everything about Bin gbagbo was comedy, but his asking for his 5000naira wasn't at all a comedy, rather it was tragedy.

Just then, Josephine let out a long hiss and left.

"how much him owe you sef?" Skolopy asked.

"he is oweing me 5k" Bin gbagbo answered.

"nahim you dey disgrace am like this?" Skolopy queried.

"Pls Skolopy take it easy with the Pidgin oh, an RND might just pass by oh" Flow warned.

"you better pay him his money and stop telling me about RND!" Skolopy switched to English.

"Pls Sir, Pls Sir i will pay you your money today" Flow pleaded. The smallish Bin gbagbo had suddenly become a "Sir" to the hunky Flow. If calling Bin gbagbo "Oga at the top" could make Flow dept free, then Flow would as well call him "Oga at the top Sir".

Skolopy whispered something to Flow's ear again. Skolopy was a whispering Don Jazzy to everyone in trouble.

"Okay lets go to Forum Game department, i want to gamble, any money i win will be given to you" Flow said.

"you sabi gamble?" Chistar asked.

"na me go help am gamble" Skolopy the award winning gambler said.

As they walked to Forum Game department, little did they know what awaited.


TO BE CONTINUED.

@Chistar01 i see you ma nigga. I no change style oh, am just doing my best for my fans.

STILL I FLOW

Neduzze5: Chei..... Jesu!

Flow don kill me.

Na me be Nebuzze

You never see anything sef.

The students of Nairaland University saw the rules stated by the VC as draconian, there were gossips here and there, gossips the VC dare not hear.

Since the VC gave out the 21 rules to the HODs, students spoke less both in lecture halls and outside lecture halls, sometimes they even found it difficult to break any of the rules in their hostels. Students of the Religion department that were formerly known for their incessant religious vendetta suddenly became "the Holies of Holies" as pundits of different religion suddenly developed love for one another. The 21 laws were boldly written in scrolls and kept in front of every department with a missing 17th law. The HODs and Deans made sure the laws were followed to the latter. HODs of all departments had placed a fine of 500naira on whoever defaulted any of the laws, and if fine twice defaulters were sent to the Nairaland prison also known as Room 9. The likes of Foxy and Mazi had been regular tenants at Room 9.

Bribery was the order of the day in Room 9 as the hungry looking security men were quick to recieve as little as 500naira to free the prisoners. When freed, students changed their surname and skipped lectures so as not to be noticed by the school authority.

In the whole of Nairaland University and beyond Foxy was the student that had changed his surnane the most. From Foxy Rebirth to Foxy Ultimate to Foxy Academy to Foxy Unite, to Foxy Garri, Flow had even suggested once to him that he bore Foxy Udeme.


The Sun rises in the east and set in the west, they say, but to Flow it rose in the west of NU that evening. Students sat in the Love gardens of their various departments gisting.

"Flow how far na" Skolopy came to seat close the lonely Flow.

"I am okay" Flow responded and sighed.

"this wan wey your face dey like this, shey person die?".

"talk na!" He tapped Flow on his shoulder.

"guy you are disturbing me oh, whats wrong with you".

"guy who you dey speak English for, i resemble babe?" Skolopy was surprised. Flow only spoke English to Ladies, whenever he did speak to Ladies, he spoke Polished English, one would wonder if he had ever spoken Pidgin since he was born.

"leave me alone oh, i will report you oh" Little did Skolopy know that the Room 9 Dogs were on Patrol.

Talk of the Devils, then came a Devil from behind.

"who spoke Pidgin between the both of you?" A Room 9 Dog thundered.

"it's him" Flow pointed at Skolopy.

The chubby Room 9 Dog stretched out his hand demanding for 500naira. That was when it dawned on Skolopy why Flow refused speaking Pidgin. As Skolopy was handing the 500naira over to the Room 9 Dog, a noise was heard from the Final year lecture hall, it was Foxy again.

"Sorry sir, I will not watch n'.ude pictures again" Foxy cried as two hefty Room 9 Dogs dragged him to the office of the dreaded HOD of the Literature department.

Foxy had broken one of the rules again, and it was sure he would be banished to Room 9 oweing to the fact that he had a personal beef against Abacha the HOD of Literature department.

"this time we go see the name wey you go bear, whether na Foxy Kpomoh, or Foxy Kuli Kuli" One of the Room 9 Dogs said as Foxy was dragged pass the Love Garden.

Since the new rules were stated, students tried speaking the cleanest of English how best they could. The likes of 4izo and Damex spoke less because there were so Igbotic and Yorubatic respectively. Talking of Igbotic, Neduzze was as Igbotic as an Aba Village hunter, if that was his only problem then he had no problem, he was also a stammerer. His stammering percentage was like 96%, whenever he tried pronouncing a word and there wasn't a wall close by for him to hit with his hand, it would take him approximately 5minutes to pronounce the word, but if there was a wall, then it would be just 2minutes, 2minutes of none stop hitting, sometimes with both hands, plus his Igbotic pronounciation. The Yorubas in school always made a mockery of him as he could hardly pronounce his name Neduzze, "My lame is Ned... Ned... Nedu.....zzzzze" was how he always introduced himself to the beautiful Ladies in campus, that is after baptizing them with saliva and refrigerating them with mouth odour.

Since the VC pasted the rules on every nook and cranny of the University students stopped tribalistic nicknaming. Names like; "O'.ffemmanu, the Ibos called the Yorubas", "Aboki, the general name for the Northerners", "Omo nna, the Yorubas called the Ibos", "Onye Mmug, the Ibos called the Dog eating tribe", "Nyammiri, the Hausas called the Ibos", to mention but a few.

"how you dey na, my fine baby" Flow said as Josephine catwalked towards him. Just then, a Room 9 Dog that was closely monitoring Flow tapped him from behind and said; "Mister Man, you just broke a rule, pay your money for speaking Pidgin"

That was when it dawned on Flow that he was about to part with another 500naira.


TO BE CONTINUED.

Eze Promoe: [color=crimson]I noticed too, but I really don't know how I make such mistake. Let me say its pressure, because I'm under pressure to feed my own thread with update and this again, plus offline tasks. Omo, e no easy.
The story would be completed maybe tomorrow. THANKS![/color]

My guy you killed it. You made me laughed real hard.

MoltenMagma: *apologies*

hahahahahaha Bad Guy!! I dash you the "s". Use am cook soup. Lol

MoltenMagma: @flow. My guy relax mehn, I gat so much luv 4u bt m not gonna mince words. I aint beefin u so chill...lyk a ice cool bottle of udeme

I cnt write jack shiit, so I can't imagine how easy it is to tink up stuf &put it down in writin, ok? Who ar dose beefin you? People dat read ur work and don't like ur style. Simple. As for wheda u write masterpieces...well... You too dey make mouth sha. U no dey humble at all. Let us d readers be da judge weda ur works r masterpieces or not. As 4me m yet 2 read any masterpiece here on NL except for a few who come close bt ur works aint one of dem.

Still I follow

Well what isn't masterpiece to you is a masterpiece to someone else.

Point of correction am not proud, and i will never be proud. Am just trying to fight against those that don't like my writing style.

Pls stop the Vendetta before we get ourselves banned.

My apologises Moderator.

MoltenMagma: Nice stories. But oga flow should try and diversify his stories na. Too much udeme and too little in d way of creativity

Mrbrownjay gat me laffing so hard

Ezepromoe is a madt man

Dygeesy is cool and steady

Humble is very girly girly

Oga Xynerise na real antelope

Aunty ishilove just use me do example but she gat some mad skills

All in all, u guyz r doin gud. Kip it up

clap for urself!! You talk as if i write UDEME UDEME UDEME UDEME in all my stories, and i don't write what people learn from? And i don't write masterpeices? And i don't write what keeps people glued to my stories.

Why everybody dey beef Flow's writing style? If we check Nl literature fan base, i will definately be at the peak amongst equals. No be mouth oh.

Wetin be una wahala na? Shey "Tuface" and "Celine Dion" dey sing the same style of music? But two of them no be musician? And don't you dare say Tuface dey sing rubbish. He is a star, so is Celine Dion.

What am saying is, all these people u praised above, i love the way some of them write, and some don't write to my taste(i no mention names oh). That is life, not everyone will love you.


THATS ALL



STILL I FLOW....... even in beef.

MBJ that was a cool chapter 11. Who's next?

Eze Promoe: [color=crimson]Flow, please in your next update try to be unnarrative, so that it will be in line with others.
E.g use "he went there" or "Flow went there" instead of "I went there."
YOUR STORY IS GOOD![/color]

okay.

But remember at the beginning i said; MY NAME IS FOXY. So i defined the "I"

I and Flow wrote the test, or rather i wrote the test, Flow's paper was torn by the Lecture Ishilove.

He was caught with "mgbo" reminder. The test did'nt start by 8am as slated, it started at about 8:30am. Before the test started, i saw Flow, Rap maestro and Emperort writing mgbo reminder at the back of the class. I warned them severally against "mgboing" they never listened.

Emperort and Rap maestro was a bad influence to Flow my friend. While Emperort was Minister of Mgbo, Rap maestro was Special advicer to the Government on mgbo affairs; sometimes i wondered why he wasn't named Mgbo maestro instead of Rap maestro, he was really the Maestro when it came to malpractise. I hated malpractise so much.

My roommate Flow started mingling with the likes of; 4kizo the Chiefo of Kegite in NU, Skolopy the fellow that the drink Alomo ran in his veins, Madawaki who smoked more than Chimney, and Rap maestro and Emperort the award winning Mgbo Lords.

I had no choice but to join the clique since i couldn't beat them, and soon i started smoking weed.

I will never forget the day Madawaki adviced we got high on Fuel since weed wasn't available. We soaked our handkerchiefs on Fuel and place it on our Nose, and then inhaled deeply. PLS DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.

That day i saw eclipse of the Sun right above my head, the stars were so close that i jumped to catch one.

Also, I will never forget the day we went to drink in a bar, Skolopy drank one big bottle of his brand Alomo. As we staggered home that night, Skolopy said he loved babies so much. So he started crawling like a baby. It wasn't funny at all, some students of NU that saw him laughed so hard and asked us what happened to him, i just simply told them he lost his wheelchair.


What about 4kizo? 4kizo so much loved palmwine that one day he complained that he was Urinating palmwine. Inasmuch as we laughed at him, i saw that as a business idea. We could put the Palmwine in Bottles and Cans and name it "4kizo palmwine".


My friends were still my friends no matter what. Come sunshine, Come rainfall.


"Make we go drink Alomo na" Skolopy suggested as we walked home after school hours.

"i dey talk say Ishilove tear my paper for test, una dey say make we go drink" said Flow.

"that one no be the end of the world oh jare" Madawaki spoke in a Yoruba tone.

"abeg make we go drink make you forget your sorrows" Emperort adviced tapping Flow.

I loved the Idea, since it was a while i drank Udeme last.

"make we go jor" I agreed.


Soon we were at madam texanomaly's bar to meet FK0 and Damex.

"how far Damex?" I greeted.

"we say make we take one-one bottle na" Damex said as we took our seats. I wasn't surprised at all, Damex was a one-bottle man. He never took more than one bottle of his brand Gulder.

"una know why i say make we come drink?" Skolopy began. "why?" FK0 asked.

"na because today na my birthday" he announced.

"and since today na my birthday, today na Alomo bithday sef" He added.

One would think Alomo was the name of his girlfriend. Skolopy!! He celebrated birthdays for bottles of Alomo. I remember the day he told us his role model was Alomo. You can imagine that!

"and since today na my birthday and Alomo birthday, na only Alomo we go drink" Skolopy declared.

"but i no like Alomo na" I cried.

"everybody for this world like Alomo only you" Emperort said.


Drinks were served by the ever elegant Madam texanomaly herself. Madam texanomaly was a lady of average hieght that had an Indian look. Yet she insisted she was from Ekiti, made me wondered if Ekiti was the Capital of India.

Small bottles of Alomo was served.

"madam tex why you no give us the big Alomo na?" Rap maestro said.

"na only the small one remaineth" Madam tex answered.

"remaineth"!! Most words madam tex spoke, she always added the annoying "eth" at the end. Made me wondered whether she was a bible scholar. Well, like she said, she spent most of her childhood years in Niger Republic, maybe that was where she got that accent, or maybe not.

Soon we were on our third bottle each, even Damex the One bottle man was on his third bottle also.


Nobody crawled home that evening, just that some persons became Political Pundits all thanks to Alomo.

"so wetin you go do for your test paper wey Ishilove tear na" Rap maestro asked what i wanted asking.

"I go sort the course with 5k na" Flow answered.

Even though nobody could penetrate Ishilove directly, one could easily sort her courses through her money thirsty secretary macjive. The price was 5k per course.


It took us ages to get home, but we still got home to meet our pot of Egusi soup poured on the floor close to where it was in the unclosed cupboard.

Who did it?

Rat Flow and Rat Foxy.

They were the two rats that gave us real trouble. We nicknamed them after our names because they looked like us.




END OF CHAPTER






STILL I FLOW.

HumbledbYGrace: lol, patiently waiting for more. Your funny jor

One thing though, please use appropriate words, thanks.

Words like?