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[quote author=Foxy_Flow]Sorry bout the short update... More to come soon[/quote]More from you, or more from me?

"Engineer abeg we go pack comot tomorrow, make we sleep for here this night" I and Attai pleaded on our knees.

"no! I say make una leave this house!! house wey go soon complete nahim una wan dey stay, no be only to plaster and to paint remain? if the house complete make una come pay for rent stay, from next two weeks people go start to enter the house" Engineer stated.

"Engineer na how much the rent of the house go be sef?" asked Attai.

"for a room and Palour na 100k, and for a room self contain na 50k, and the Alhaji wey get the house say immediately the house finish make i start to dey collect rent from people" Engineer answered.


"okay Engineer we no go sleep here this night, but we fit leave our property here?" It seemed the weed i smoked had cleared off my eyes, and my brain also.

"yes, una fit leave una property, make una go carry all the things wey una go need, i wan lock all the door"

"which door?" I almost asked forgetting the company that handled buying and fixing of doors, windows, and roof came to fix the doors that morning.

"Flow you dey mad oh, where we go sleep? Instead of you to kneel down make we beg Engineer, you dey talk another thing" Attai had forgotten the kind of person Engineer was, that even if we stark ourselves n'.aked pleading with him, he wouldn't give a damn, his "yes" was his yes and his "NO" was capital NO.


We collected our day's pay from Engineer and left.


As we staggered down Dakata works layout road, my mind kept trying to figure where we would end up passing the night; under a Lorry, under a Tree, or in a Gutter. Then an Idea dropped.

I slid my hand into my pocket and brought out the paper Kumelo gave me containing his phone number.

"make we call Kumelo na" I suggested.

"call am for wetin?" I noticed Attai's eyes were unsteady.

"to tell am say them don pursue us for our house, say make we come stay with him and Captain until we get money to rent house" I said.

"okay where phone wey we go take call am na" Attai said.

"make we find where them dey make call na" it was really high time we owned a phone each. Maybe it was because we had not stolen phones yet. Or maybe not.


As we walked towards a pay phone centre, Attai brought out a wrist watch, the wrist watch was glittering like a star.

"Attai! Where you see this watch?" I was surprised.

"i thief am" Attai answered.

"where you thief am?"

"na for Alhaji house na" answered Attai.

I never saw him stole Alhaji's wrist watch that was on the table while we were at Alhaji's house, that was how swift Attai could be, two Seconds was too much for him to steal the Pyramid out of Egypt.

Saying the wrist watch shone like a star was an understatement, it shone like the Moon. I looked keenly at it and noticed it was Gold, real Gold.

"Attai this watch na real Gold oh" I announced.

"how you take know?"

"you no know say i don sell Gold before?" I had sold stolen Gold necklaces, and wrist watches way back then.

"S'hit up!! S'hit up!! Flow eeeh!! We don hamma oh" Attai displayed Fulani dance step.



"i wan make call" I said as we got to a pay phone centre.

Seeing the "beauty" that sat in the pay phone centre, i translated what i previously said to Queen's English; "can i make use of your phone?"

"yes you can, have it" she offered me the phone.


"the number you are dailing is not reachable at the moment, please try again later" was what i heard a voice said at the other end.

Since what the voice said was that i should try again later, i tried 2seconds later, and it went through this time.


Because of the beautiful fair pay phone Lady, i spoke Queen's English to Kumelo, with infusion of Queen's Pidgin so that Kumelo wouldn't be mad at me.

Attai just sat down peacefully staring at the Gold wrist watch on his wrist, also doing all he could possibly do for the Lady to see he wore a Gold wrist watch. Of course the Lady would know he stole the wrist watch because he was shabbily dressed.

I never knew something else was in Attai's mind. Something Evil.

"Flow i dey come make i go piss" Attai said after i finished talking to Kumelo. He took fast calculated steps into the dark.

"why this mumu dey run na?" I wondered.

It had escaped my memory that my friend Attai was a world best pick pocket, and pick bag.

As i handed the Lady 100naira waiting for my change of 60naira, i heard; "Barawo!! Barawo!! Barawo!! Thief!!"

It instantly dawned on me that Attai had done his worse, and i instantly took to my heels.


The Lady was really excellent on the tracks, i must say. Infact, if she was at the last Olympics, she would for sure had won Gold medal for Nigeria.

I ran how best i could, like a Lion was chasing me.


Woe betide me for the "Chioma Ajunwa" Lady to catch me.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]I take God beg una, make una comment o... Abi una no wan encourage new writer like me again?

Pleaaaasseeee...!!!! [/quote]Am sorry to correct you here. Its "Kumelo" and not "Dumelo", abi na the igboh wey u smoke make you change "K" to ""?

Alhaji Dan kwambo was a no nonesense man, tick beard, he reminded me of Osama Bin Ladin, just that he was Obese, very very Obese. He made sure we worked on his building according to specification, little wonder Engineer was a pain in our a'.sses.

At that moment, it occured to me that we had left Nelson and Adamu in the Site, and it was sure they were not paid. That was Engineer's phylosophy, untill all workers were present before he would give out a dime.


"Alhaji these are the guys we promised to bring" Captain said as Alhaji sat down on the cushion, the cushion almost tore to pieces as his fat a'.ss landed on it, Or so i tot.

"what are your names?" asked Alhaji Dan kwambo, pretending he was seeing us for the first time. Maybe he never paid much interest in knowing his labourers by their faces, or maybe not.


"my name is Attai Johnbosco, but my friends call me Attai bobo, i am a Kano brought up" Attai shook his head unevenly as he said that.

"my name is Flow Floworine, am also a Kano brought up" I said.

"what kind of name is that, are you Nigerian?" Alhaji inquired.


"yes i am, i am an Hausa boy" I replied.

"why is your surname Floworine?" Alhaji giggled.

"my grandfather was of French origin, so my father gave me Flow which is also a french name" I answered.

That was what my Dad told me. I never saw my grandparents, they died before i was born, the funniest part was that i never even saw a picture of them. According to my Dad, the house he and my mum was staying when i was in the womb was burnt down due to a Kerosene explosion, so the Family started life anew renting another house with no trace of the past, not even a picture.

"okay Flow and Attai, has Kumelo and Captain told you guy about the business i do?" Alhaji asked.

"they have not" I answered.


Alhaji Dan Kwambo breathe in and out and said; "in this business we deal on Coco"

"wayo allah!! Na Cocoa business my Papa dey do when him dey Abeokuta, na big Cocoa dealer my Papa be that time wey him dey alive" I said a slightly altered truth.

Yes, my Father was a Cocoa dealer in Abeokuta, but an unsuccessful one. He hopped from one business to another, he had been a dealer of; Beans, Cocoyam, Plantain, Female Shoes, Female underwears, Face caps, Groundnut, Kerosene, Dried Pepper, to mention but a few. He was a perfect description of "Jack of all trade but master of none". These numerous business made him tour the cardinal points of Nigeria. Him touring round Yoruba land fetched him a beautiful Jewel. My mother.


"that mean say i go continue from where my Papa stop before him die" I said.

"Flow you be mumu, Alhaji dey talk of Cocoyam, and you dey talk of Cocoa, shey na Yoruba land we dey?" Attai said.

"even if na Cocoyam Alhaji dey talk of, my Papa don sell Cocoyam for Ilesa that time wey him dey alive" I was trying to let them know my Dad was very Industrious. And like father, like son.

Kumelo tapped my leg with his signaling that we stop arguing. An argument it seemed Alhaji Dan Kwambo was finding interesting.


"ehnnn Alhaji is not talking of Cocoa, neither is he talking of Cocoyam, he is talking of C'.ocaine" Captain let the Cat out of the bag, more like letting the Lion out of the bag.

"ehnnn Coc...... wetin?" Attai expected Captain to say "Coca Cola" and not "C'.ocaine". He was disappointed when Captain said; "C'.ocaine!! na C'.ocaine business nahim make us buy that motor wey park outside, abi una no wan buy motor?"

"we wan buy motor na" someone controlled my mouth to say that, a demon maybe.

"look gentlemen, it is not a difficult job, you just carry the Coco and deliver it to the buyers, 20% of what is gotten from each delivery is yours, as easy as that" Alhaji thought it was that easy.

"you can ask Kumelo and Captain, i don't cheat them, as soon as the deal is done, i pay them their money, Chikena!!" He added.

"Flow and Attai una be hard men na, Flow no be you tell me say you be Gun and Bullet seller?" Kumelo thought Groundnut and Chicken business was the same as Coco business.

"yes na me" I said with a shaky voice.

"Attai no be you tell me say you be first class pickpocket?" He asked the already lost Attai.

"yes naso i tell you" Attai's voice was also shaky, a clear signal that we were both scared.


"ehnnnn! young men, i will give you from now till tomorrow evening, if you don't show up here by 7pm, that means you are not interested, but if i see you by 7pm, that means you are interested" Alhaji said his final words and left after tapping I and Attai at the back, a form of encouragement.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]Nice one FLOW...


Stil I Foxy_Flow...[/quote]S'hit up!! S'hit up!! S'hit up!! I dey learn from you oh.

Dear Fans, this is just a tip of the iceberg

Its been over 2months since we started staying in the uncompleted building, we weren't only staying there, we were also working there.

"guys make we work quick, i wan go chop, hungry dey wayah me" I was tired of working that hot afternoon.

"how you no go hungry, wey you drink overdose of tramol" Nelson my fellow labourer said.

"Engineer say make una pack una load comot for this place, say him no want make una dey sleep here again" Adamu another labourer announced.

"who tell am say na here we dey sleep, no be you?" Attai accused Adamu.

"how i go tell am, i dey craze?" Adamu was asking the obvious, he was really crazy. His strange behaviours sometimes scared me. He would poo on an already mixed cement saying it would make the cement less heavy, that was absurd, but that wasn't absurd compared to him working stark n'.aked because our place of work was fenced round.



"Nelson Mandela na two bag i mix, and na two bag Attai sef mix, we dey come make we go chop for MM" I said as we sat waiting for Engineer after work.

"Engineer" never saw the four walls of a University not to talk of studying Civil Engineering, he was just lucky he was incharge of paying labourers. Dark in complexion, Engineer was an "escape" pigmy.

"make una do quick oh, una know say Engineer no go gree give us our own money until all of us dey complete" Nelson stated the fact.



There were canteens and there were canteens, but MM canteen was a Numero uno. MM was an acronym for Mama Mustapha, the MD/CEO of the canteen. MM canteen was a shabby looking building, located just a stone throw from our house. What mavelled me about MM canteen was the crowd, the crowd that always flocked the canteen was out of this world, people sometimes fought each other just because they were in a haste to have a taste of MM's delicacies. The funniest part is that you wash the plate you would be served with yourself.

In MM canteen, "all animals are equal" be you carpenter, be you Policeman.

I and Attai loved the fact that MM waiters sometimes forgot to collect money from costomers after eating, that wasn't what we loved most, we Loved their delicious meals. Their meals were so delicious that i found myself eating them in my dreams.



As i swallowed my first ball of Eba, i said to Attai; "kai!! Attai MM food na the best"

"na the bester, infact na the bestest" Attai replied.


I was almost half way when i noticed two guys walked into the canteen. They were familiar.

"oga Kumelo!" it seemed Attai saw them before me.

"eeeeeh!! See this two Big head boys oh" They sat down.

"no be me be Big head, na Attai be Big head" My tongue slipped.

"my head and your head which one big pass, no be your own?" Attai said r'ubbish.

How dare he say my head was bigger than his. His head that Four birds could nest their young birds on comfortably, his head that was curved at the edge like "go to hell" used in harvesting fruits, his head that didn't only look like Bicycle seat, but Catapult, that was the head mine was bigger than? God forbid!! if it be so, that meant i needed Surgical Operation to be done on my head just as he needed Head transplant.

"your head big pass my own"
"na lie, na your head big pass my own"
"na your head big pass".

"make una two shut up!!" Kumelo brought the argument to a stop.

"make una dey here dey argue wey una mate don dey make money" Captain said.

"s'hit up!! Where the money" Attai said. "s'hit up" was his most said exclamation. He loved saying it, both when it warranted and when it did not.

"we wan involve una for one clean business wey go make una hamma" Kumelo spoke, and droplets of his Saliva landed on my Eba.

"hope say no be the business wey una tell us for prison oh? if na that business forget am, we no want do" Attai spoke my mind.

"no be that one, this one na clean way wey una go use get better money" Kumelo stated.

"you see that motor wey pack for outside" Captain pointed at a Honda Karishim magana.

"Karishim magana" is Hausa and it means "end of discussion"; as if Honda company ended their discussion and stopped making cars, unknown to car owners that they will later come up with another car and call it "discussion continue".

"ehnnn I see the motor" Attai said.

"na me and Kumelo get am, we buy am last week" Captain said, and smiled.

"s'hit up! S'hit up!!" Attai said his nonesense exclamation. An exclamation i detested.

"guy mehn! e never reach two month wey we comot for prison and una don buy motor, una be sharp guys oh" I said and left my mouth ajar.

"nahim make us wan make una be sharp guys like us" Kumelo said.

"tell us na, tell us how we go take hamma like una na" I was anxious.

"we no go fit tell una here, make una chop finish come meet us for Mallam na Mallam bar"

They walked out of the canteen.


I quickly swallowed several b'.alls of Eba forgetting that Kumelo had baptized it with his Saliva.

"s'hit up!!" I almost shouted.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]I am not perfect. I am a learner like Yemi. I seek improvement. Do not read and pass, show me where I erred, I will correct it on Monday.

Thank God for public holidays and Etisalat!!![/quote]Where you erred was the abbreviations. They were just too much. If u wanna be a good writer, stop abbreviating and text speaking. MY TWO KOBO.

Guy! You killed it, i am enjoying the story. Let me take it from here. I promise to impress you and our fans, OR SO I TOT.


STILL I FLOW.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]Na Flow hand the matter dey o... Me na celebrity rub-off. I dey enjoy the popularity as e dey last so... [/quote]Dear Foxy_Flow,
I will not be updating today due to the fact that i will be travelling, infact am on the road as i type. Pls bear with me, i promise to update tomorrow.
Yours Flowing,
Flow1759.


PS: I love your last update, my next update promises to be fun to read.

Clemzy16: "nice one bros"

"but how come foxy had barely spent a year in jail, thought you guys met him there. . . ??!"


™ƺƔcιεмεηт®

when i was mentioning the names of my fellow inmates wasn't when i just got into jail. I mentioned their names for the records.

PS: Foxy and Attai na different people oh.

Take a message to Mary, but don't tell her am in jail, take a message to Mary but don't tell her what i have done, goes the lyrics of the song sang by the Everly brothers. Indeed i sent so many messages to Mary my younger sister, but got no reply. Maybe she might have gotten married to Mustapha her muslim lover, maybe she thought i was dead, maybe she never recieved any of my letters, all this maybes ran through my mind as i sat on the floor one cold morning.

The cold sent Nostalgia down my spine as i thought of Monica my lover, maybe she too might have gotten married. I also thought of when i first entered Jail number 009.

009 was the number crested at the enterance of our cell. And the inmates of 009 were; Foxy with prison number 419, Attai with prison number 411, Captain with prison number 4040, Kumelo with prison number 5001, while my prison number was 1759, a number that was coincidentally the number that my beer brand was known with.

1759!! Oh my 1759, i really missed my 1759, 1759 became my Father since i lost my Father, 1759 became my Mother since i lost my Mother, 1759 was the Brother i never had, 1759 was my adviser, 1759 was my best friend, Oh my 1759!!


"Oga Kumelo good morning oh" I greeted Kumelo.

Calling Kumelo by his name without the title "oga" attached was a serious crime.

"good morning my boy" Kumelo replied.


Kumelo! Oh Kumelo!! I will never forget the day i first came and Kumelo r'.aped me telling me it was my Orientation to Jail 009. He had been r'.aping all new inmates since then; those that came and left, he and his friend Captain. The perfect duo.

Kumelo and Captain were notorious robbers that terrorized the whole of Kano for about 10years. Althrough my Groundnut and Chicken selling business, i had never sold to KC as they were fondly called.

They used diabolical means to disappear whenever they were caught. It seemed their Vodoo failed them, and they were caught and jailed.

Captain was indeed a Captain, as he had tattooed in his shoulders three stars.

Half of our meals during weekends were given to Kumelo and Captain, as it was only on weekends that we always ate palatable meals, the rest days we ate what even a Dog would reject.



Two years and six months had gone, and months lied ahead.

"Attai i don tayah for this prison oh, when we go comot na" Attai was the only friend i had.

"wetin man pekin go do na, na only because of say i dey pick pocket nahim make i don stay here for 2years" Attai said.

"nawa for this Nigeria oh" I said.

"i don tell una two say if we comot for this prison, una go follow us dey thief" Kumelo was saying that for the umpteenth time.

Since I and Attai told Kumelo and Captain what brought us to jail, they saw robbery potentials in us and promised we would be part of their robbery gang. As we also told them we were graduates they saw raw talents in us.



"kai!! My Papa don die, my Mama say my Papa don die and them don bury am!!" Attai cried the following morning.

"ehya!! Wetin kill am?" The ever silent Foxy asked.

"them say na Kidney problem, why Kidney problem no go kill am, when Ogorogo and Cigar don spoil him life" Attai rubbed his hand on his "billboard" head.

His head was not only billboard but map of Africa. Sometimes i wondered what his face cap size would be.

"Attai no worry, God nahim know why him die, God nahim dey give. God nahim dey take" Captain comeserated.

"your own better you still get Mama, me wey i no get Papa and Mama nkor?" I consoled him.



We were playing cards in the cell the folowing morning when one of the prison warders brought good news and bad news.

"the bad news be say no food for una this night, them never supply us food" the prison warder said the bad news first.

"una dey lie"
"Government wicked oh"
"e no go better for Nigeria"
"oooh! nawa for una oh"
"and hungry dey wayah me well well" were the noises that followed. That wasn't much of a problem, atleast we were used to not eating for two days, and sometimes three days.

"keep shut!!" the warder brought the complains to a stop.

"and the good news be say Government go free all of una next month for Democracy day" He said.

From other cells, we were hearing uproar, meaning they had also recieved the good news.


"keep shut! Lemme finish" The warder yelled and we stopped raising the roof with uproar.

"not everybody will be freed, those that have been in jail for two years and above" He informed us, and we continued raising the roof, stampeding up and down the cell.

Instead of Jubilating, i noticed Foxy was crying.


For a moment, I thought of why he was crying, and it occured to me that he had spent barely a year in jail.

T gold: chai, Foxy... Flow thumbs up 4 u 2... I gbadun ur gangman style (y)

Make una no vex for me, i dey update for two threads nahim make.

Foxy i gbadun ur last update wella. My next update is gonna be really funny.

Clemzy16: "mehn! dis is gettin rily interesting"

"oga flow never seem to disappoint"

"moreso, you should work more on ur grammer"

"it's thought not tot, tot means a young child also, the word shot is wrongly used, it should be shoot in present form and vice-versa"

"all the same, it's a good job well done"


™ƺƔcιεмεηт®

Modified

Thanks for the advice.

"Monica do you mean you are pregnant for me, i don die be that oh"

"if my father gets to know, that means am dead oh, he will kill me" Monica cried.

"that na after him don kill me" I almost said.

"what are we going to do?" Monica asked.

"ehnnn lets abortion it" I answered, unknown to me that i just threw a grammatical bomb.

"how are we going to do it?" She asked a JAMB mathematics question.

I tried solving the JAMB question in my mind before reaching an answer; "ehnnn! meet me at Godo-Godo tomorrow by 6pm"

"to do what?" She inquired.

"to watch MAN U and CHELSEA match, because you no know wetin dem dey do for Godo-Godo abi" I almost said.

Godo-Godo was a place where chemicals for terminating pregnancy were sold. These chemicals were nicknamed Fura de Nunu. Fura de Nunu came in funny looking bottles in different colours like; Green, Brown, Red, and even Pink. With as little as 500naira, one could purchase a bottle of Fura de Nunu that could terminate the pregnancy of two pregnant women within 2hours. Fura de Nunu has saved me so many times, as i had bought it countless times to give to my numerous girlfriends to terminate their pregnancies. Little did i know that the chemical would almost terminate Monica.

Don't get it twisted, Fura de Nunu isn't the Fura de Nunu you know, it is just a code name for the wonder chemical, just so the Police wouldn't get to know.

Monica came to Godo-Godo junction to collect the Fura de Nunu i had already bought waiting for her. I saw a bit of gladness in her eyes, as she was convinced Fura de Nunu would do the wonder of terminating the pregnancy.



I was at "Mallam na Mallam" bar drinking the next evening celebrating the termination of the pregnancy because i was sure it had been terminated, when suddenly a well-dressed man came to seat close to me sharing my table.

"ehennn! Wetin? Na only this table dey for this bar?" I said to the man who smiled in response.

"fine boy! As i see you, i just like you nahim make me come sidon with you" He drew closer to me. Too close for comfort.

"you be fine boy oh! Wetin be your name?" He caressed my right bicep.

"comot ur hand for my body jor" I hit his hand hard.

He persisted and placed his hand on my chest this time saying; "walahi i like as ur body be".

"see this bastard man oh, him no see woman to fvck, na me him wan fvck, abi na because i fat nahim make him think say i be woman? abi him don high? Abi him be g'.ay?" I thought.

He continued caressing my fleshy chest and i thought of either shouting for help or running for my life. I did none of these, rather i was beginning to savour the sweetness of his hand on my chest. And my d'.ick responded to the current it recieved.

"Flow you don dey mad oh, na man like you dey touch your body and your p'rick don stand" I told myself.

The man caressed my chest so skillfully that no one in the bar saw him doing it. From my chest he was moving his hand towards my waist.

My d'.ick was as hard as rock, i just couldn't tell why. Suddenly, he brought out something from his jacket inner pocket and placed it on my d'.ick saying; "if you move, i shoot!!"

What touched my d'.ick was warm and hard, it pointed at my d'.ick just as if another d'.ick was pointed at my d'.ick.

"so this man get two p'rick? Ehennnn! Sotey him put one p'rick for him pocket" I said to myself.

"shebi na this thing you take dey give people pekin belle, if you move, i go shoot am" The man's face changed instantly.

That was when it dawned on me that i was in soup. Pepper soup to be precise.

"i no go move oh! No shoot am ooh!" I cried bitterly.

"oya move!! I say move!!" He beckoned.

I stood up and walked towards the door like a Robot. A Robot with an erected d'.ick.



What met my eyes as i came out of the bar could only be seen in Hollywood action movie. Like 4 Police vans, about 20 Policemen armed with guns of different shapes and sizes, it made me wondered whether it was just because i impregnated the daughter of a DPO that warranted such style of arrest. Little did i know i was arrested for three reasons.

One for impregnating the 18years old daughter of a DPO and almost killing her with overdose Fura de Nunu, two for selling groundnut, three for snatching a woman's bag at the bus stop.

I was one of the most popular Groundnut and Chicken seller in town. Selling groundnut means selling Bullets, while selling Chicken means selling Guns. I sold guns and bullets to robbers, thugs, and politicians. I did the business with some Policemen who smuggled the guns and bullets, i was friends with a handful of them, little wonder i hardly stayed long in the cell.


As the Police van moved i was smiling knowing i wouldn't stay long in the cell, not knowing soonest i would be headed for the dreaded Goron-Dutse prison.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]Thanks...y'all for the comments... But truth be told, I will only update after Flow has done his update... Expect the best...[/quote]Foxy_flow i promise to update soon, abeg no vex.

Foxy_Flow you funny mehn!! I dey come, i go update when am less busy. Guy this story go make sense no be small.

Make una no vex. Na dat LAGOS NAWA story update wey i do today nahim keep me. So i go dey update for two stories now. NOW WAHALA. Am kinda busy at work now. Make i read foxy update first.



STILL I FLOW........... This time with Foxy.

Emiru: Shoooh. And unfortunately for some and fortunately for others Oga flow killed it big time and send haters on strike

My Oga Flow eh, for the whole nairaland eh...everybody dey learn for where yhur parol dey. You are too much bro...more inspiration to ur IQ.
I dey follow u anywhere u go...

Am glad you love my style.

Am not having haters here. I love all writers here: Humbledbygrace, Mazi Omenuko, Ishilove, xynerise, Mrbrownjay, Dygeasy, Eze promoe, in no particular order. Even if i disagreed with any of the writers mentioned, like they say; "we disagree to agree", such is life.