₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Mynd_44]The offender got a 6 month ban....don't be the next person I send down please...

And don't derail this thread with that issue.....lets eat pop-corn and enjoy life right here[/quote]6months plenty oh. Or so i tot.

Shawnmayor: ^^oga flow, e no easy to check page by page, word for word na. Oya drop am for 1 day

flowey1. Thats it.

Damex333: Happy birthday flow, no mind me,i dey find d thread since, many happy returns.

thank you Damex333

T gold: Flow, wat ur 2go username na?

ask 4kizo and Madawaki

I have given out my 2go username on this thread. The sharp ones were able go get it (I no say you no sharp oh)

Go back to the early pages, you will see where i wrote it on code.

SpicyMimi: i love this post.


Flow thanks for this nice story, hope you guys still keep in touch?

I miss them all ardy...

Yes we do. And we will always keep in touch.

I even talked to Man on phone today, he was telling me how sch is stressful.

He later got admission into Okoh poly.

Baba jay now works in Abuja.

Snoop is trading in Onitsha.

As for Brainbox, funny enough, he now drives a taxi in Lagos(no work na), i was with him a forthnight ago.

Pkc is still in Nekede, but after Man left, he sold Big boys cutz to Tupac and Bigie.

Bigie and Tupac is still leaving happily in Nekede.

Mr shroud: Flow1759 is not my b.b pin, it is the Name of the most prolific comedy writer on N.L.
Calling him professor of "Ribcrackology" is an understatement.
Dont even bother to find "Ribcrackology" in oxford english dictionary FYI, it'ld be like searching for concrete Fart.
BTW Flow was born on the 23/6/xxxx. xxxx is not a Mojo concept,(make i still explain mojo? Okay na pornogra.phy) xxxx connotes a missing variable.
He was born in the barrack, ever since after his first poo, he has maintained a positive correspondence with poo, going as far as noting the many variants of poo.
Well, so much for poo.

Flow belongs to the category of humans, William sheldon would call "mesomorph" one vatal characteristic of this group of humans is that they're very active when in trouble. For instance when whipped with a 'koboko' flow calls 'BAGGA' 'BURGER'.
'Koboko' is not a stuttering pronounciation of 'kobo' which used to be the smallest unit of the nigeria's currency. Koboko, since i was a kid, had always been used to refer to 'horsewhip'. If i whip you with a horsewhip, after groaning in pain, you tend to call me 'SIR' When next you want to address me.
As for 'Bagga' it's a Frat Term.

If you've been on nairaland for some time and you don't know Flow on Lit Section, 'you're still on a Long Thing'
long thing as used here, is not referring to Bill Clinton's 'Uku i Uku'(joy.stick) ,which i hear is very long. 'you're still on a long thing' is a naija slang, if i say 'you're still on a long thing.' i mean you don't know much.


Flow is not River niger , but in his words 'still i flow'.


Flow and his Crony, Brainbox have'nt gotten anything less than an 'A 'premium in L.T101 and L.T102. L.T101 & L.T 102 Are looting course codes. (if you don't know, read 'Man wey dey Reason' by flow on nairaland literature section. Okpe!)
'okpe' is not gibberish, it is what an american would call "dumb.ar.se'.
Flow and Marijuana are in the best of terms, sometimes the latter performs in the capacity of 'acting special advicer' to the former. Those are the times flow taps at the ar.se of a lady he doesn't know.

Finally, Legend has it that Flow is not from Tottenham, but in his words ' so i Tot' .

Happy Birthday to Flow1759! Still you flow!

Share your own mock biography of flow. Brief and short, with as much of Flow's writing style infused. Have fun!

hahahahahahahaha. Where you said Igboh advises me, made me rolled on the floor laughing. NICE ONE

I thank you all.

To those asking how my birthday was, my birthday was a mixture of Udeme and Alomo. Or so i tot.

chinedumo: No offense at all.

I dey wait for isilove to show appreciation na in the spirit of the moment.

This story is so bona fide, kosher, brazen and unabashed.


flow take your story do season film.

I don't think she can get off her high horse.

To everyone that read this story, i wish you guys all the best in your endeavors.

My next story is coming pretty soon.

I thank you all for the birthday wishes.

Wetin una learn from this story sef?

A month later.


"Baba jay where them post you go?" I asked Baba jay who just entered the compound.

"na Abuja oh" He answered.

"what of you?" He asked.

"guy na Osun state them post me go oh" I put on a frown.

"na for which part of Nigeria Osun state dey sef?" Man foolishly asked.

"na for north Osun state dey" I answered.

"Flow!! How you go say Osun state dey for north" Baba jay said.

"leave Man make him dey ask nonesense question na" I said.

"Snoop what of you, where them post you go?" Baba jay asked.

"na Oyo state them post me go oh" Snoop answered with a frown as if Oyo state was Iraq.

"na Brainbox we dey wait for make we know where them post am go" I said.

"why una no ask me where them post me go na?" Man teased.


"okay where them post you go?" I asked after we laughed for 5minutes non stop.

"na Big boys cutz them post me go na" Man teased.

We all made a roof raising noise of laughter.

"but i go miss una oh" said Man.

"guy me sef go miss you oh, i go miss everybody oh" I said.

Mehn!!! I savoured with nostalgia the fun memories ab initio i met my friends. I went through the good, the bad and the u'gly with them.

I also went through the Sugar baby, the L101, the chop biscuit, the chop s'hit, the rice and beans, the Ozommiri, the Talley, the Tupaco and Kpatalico with them.

Well, like the saying goes; "twenty children can not play together for twenty year".


"shebi na on tuesday camp go open?" Snoop asked.

"na on tuesday na, that is next tomorrow" Baba jay answered.

"that mean say all of una go move tomorrow morning be that" Man said.

"but me go first reach Lagos oh, then by that tuesday morning i go from Lagos enter Osun" I informed.

"you don give Tupac him 5k for the bey-bey?" I asked Man.

Bey-bey means bet.

"i don give am oh, but na 4k i give am, i beg am" He answered.

"me sef na 3k i give am" I said.

"but Tupac na comfirm womanizer oh, how him take wayah Kate, Kate wey no dey give us face" I said.

"maybe him use touch and follow for her" Man said.

"Touch and Follow" is a Talley for Love, or you can call it Love portion.

"and Kate don Love Tupac well well now oh" Baba jay said.

True talk, Kate wasn't head over hills in Love with Tupac, she was head over mountains in Love with him.

"i go miss una oh" Man said for the umpteenth time.

"i no know how this Nekede go dey for me without una oh" He added.

"guy you and Tupac go dey run things na, and i hear say Bigie go soon come back to this Nekede, i hear say him don go beg the Buccaneer guys, so three of una go dey run things" Snoop said.


Suddenly Brainbox staggered into the room.

"where you dey come from? and wetin you carry?" I asked.

I could percieve he was s'kunk drunk.

"i dey come from school na?" He answered.

"where them post you go na" I further asked him.

"omoh! Na Taraba oh" He answered.

"where be Taraba?" I thought Taraba was in either Niger Republic or Sudan.

"i no know where Taraba dey oh" He answered.

"guy you no know where them post you go, how you go take go na? You go lost oh" Snoop warned.

"i no go lost, na Plane i go enter go" Brainbox said that because he was drunk. And we laughed.

"na your type dey enter plane? no be person wey don chop belle full dey enter Plane" said Man.

"wetin you carry for nylon bag sef?" Man asked.

"na my call up letter and Alomo" Brainbox still held the nylon bag firmly.

"wetin be Alomo na?" I asked.

"na one paper wey you go show them when you reach camp" Brainbox replied.

"ehenn!! Them no give me any Alomo paper oh" Snoop said.

"me sef oh" said Baba jay.

"me sef oh, Brainbox show us the paper make we see how e be na" I waited patiently, then he handed the nylon bag to me.

I opened the nylon bag, and saw a bottle of a drink and his call up letter. His call up letter was practically swimming in a pool of the liquid that smelt acoholic. I raised the bottle and on it was written "Kasapreko Alomo Bitters". That was when it dawned on me that the Alomo Brainbox was talking of was a drink and not a paper.

"Mumu! Your call up letter don soak for Alomo" I said.

The Alomo really damaged his call up letter. The call up letter that was supposed to be green in colour turned blue.

"this Alomo na correct drink oh" Man said as he drank the Alomo in the nylon bag, he almost drank Brainbox's call up letter too.


We drank several bottles of Alomo that night. That was the first day i drank that brand. (una don forget wetin Alomo do me for "Ibo boy wey like Yoruba"?)



We prayed for about 2hours early the next morning. Serious prayers for our NYSC year. After the prayer, Pkc preached to us.


I almost cried as i logged out of Nekede, and Owerri.

Leaving MAN WEY DEY REASON behind.




THE END.









HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.




STILL I FLOW.

Emperor I appreciate. Thanks for opening this thread. You too much man.


To all that have wished me Happy birthday in advance, i love you guys so much. Infact i love you guys so "muchest".

PS: I am staying awake till 12midnight. And i will be in this thread althrough.



STILL I FLOW.

Why Brainbox was arrested was because he promised the Lady he would help her secure admission into Poly Nekede for the sum of 100k. He ate the Money and the lady never got "ad", not to talk of "mission".

Five weeks later.

I had reconciled my result, and in a month time, i would be posted for National service.

Since his roommate Bigie left, Tupac got another roommate. A she this time around. Her name was Kate. Yeah! The same Kate you know.

Kate had been frequenting Tupac's room of lately. And when we asked Tupac, se would always answer us saying; "she be my sister from another mother, i no fit do her anything", just because He and Kate was from the same village.


"guy where you go like make them post you go?" I asked Snoop as we sat at Big boyz cutz one afternoon.

"guy i go like make them post me go Lagos oh" Snoop answered.

"me sef oh" I said.

"me i go like make them post me go Abuja oh" Brainbox said.

"if to say Pkc no come bail you for station, you for dey hear dey talk say you go like make them post you go Abuja? Maybe na for Police station NYSC for post you go" I told Brainbox.

"guys i happy for una oh, me i never know when i go wear NYSC khaki, i never even get admission" Man envied us.

"no worry God go do am for you, nahim make Pkc say make i teach you how to barb, so if all of us go service, you go dey barb dey get money wey you go use arrange yourself for school" Snoop said.

"if you like make you use Talley dey barb people" I almost said.

"what of Baba jay, him go go service?" I asked.

"yes na, him don clear for FUTO, na FUTO him go sef" Brainbox answered.

"what of Pkc, him don clear for IMSU?" I asked the obvious.

"him no wan go service na, him say na God work him wan do, na Church NYSC go post am go" Man teased.

"what of Tega na?" I asked because i cared.

"him don go Warri finally, abi you no know say them expel am since from Poly Nekede" Man informed.

"i no know oh" I was shocked.

"them expel him and Opopo because school security report them say them be cultist" He added.

"but why i no know all this things since na?" I asked.

"na because you no wan know na" Snoop answered.

Being a cultist in the University wasn't for the lily livered. Cultist always called non-cultist "Jew men".

All Jew men always graduate from school after Four years, but not all cultist ends up graduating, is a known fact.

Both cultist and Jew men are capable of spilling over. But only cultist are expelled. And the cultist that are expelled are the ones that always wear cultism as a crown where ever they go.

"eyah!! So na only Man and Pkc go dey if all of us go" said Brainbox.

"and Pkc go dey sleep for house well well because our church wan open new parish for Nekede, and na Pkc go be the Pastor of the new parish" Snoop informed.

"Man go be the Assistant Pastor na" Brainbox teased.

"how i go be Assistant Pastor, you want make the church scatter?" Man said.

If Man were to be the Assistant Pastor, it would had been awesome. He would heal the sick, and even raise the dead with the powers of his Talley.



For a long while, i had not fell sick. But as i sat in the Barber's shop in the evening of the next day, i found out that i was sick. Medicine had no cure for the disease. That disease was Nostalgia.

As i thought of the fun memories ab initio i came to Uzommiri, i smiled.

We went to watch premiership football at a viewing centre down the road, and as we returned, we met Tupac at the gate.

"where my 5k" He held My shirt and that of Brainbox.

"which 5k?" I was surprised.

"i owe you money, wetin be this one na?" Brainbox was getting pissed.

He left our shirts, with a bright smile all over his face.

"why you dey smile na" I thought he was mad.

"him don mad na, you no dey see as him dey smile" Brainbox noticed.

"na your Papa dey mad" Tupac cursed.

He brought out his phone and said; "make una come see something".

He showed us a picture on his phone of him ridding on Kate, he showed us another picture of Kate giving him a B'.low job, and the last but not the the least was a picture of him licking Kate's P'.ussy.

He had won the bet.

He had f'.ucked Kate. I envied him oh.

"oya make all of una go bring my 5k one by one" He spoke boldly.


"you sure say them this picture na real?" Brainbox doubted.

"Mumu!! person show you picture of when him dey wayah Kate, you dey ask whether na real" Man said.

"how you take snap the picture wey she no know say you dey snap her" I needed to know.

"i be sharp guy na, i no let her know na, i use my handkerchief cover some part of the phone as i dey snap, and i silent the camera of the phone sef" Tupac said.

opeano: Flow, tanx for d update.. Hw many more should we espect b4 00.00 tomoro. Hapi bday in advance once again.

when we reach there you go know.

Francuiz: 100 pages and still counting. Oga flow wish u more men way d reason in ur life.

Thank you Fraincuiz.

Infact there is a "Man wey dey reason" in my life presently.

I am presently experiencing a more adventurous life, i hope to write a story of it in a future time.


STILL I FLOW.

chaarly: Everybdy jez dey run their mouth. All of una jez derial dis 100th page 4 noting. #hapPy birthday in advance flow# long life and prosperity! Emmmm.. Cum update na

Thanks for the birthday wishes. I wish you the same.

plainmirror: ℓ see †нэ 'Law of diminishing returns' taking effect on dis thread.



Rizn: because of unnecessary reverie(flashback), dwelling much on past events, nd short/minute uploads.

If Ʊ concur, hit Like.

i guess you know why nobody concured.


Nawa for you oh.

Why Bigie was declared wanted by the Buccaneers wasn't only because he stole Opopo's laptop, he also burgled the room of an Alora and stole 100k, after he did that, he packed his bag and ran to Ohafia.


Two weeks later.


"Baba jay you don come back from village?" I saw Baba jay entered Big boys cutz.

"yes oh, i don come back oh" He responded with a bright smile.

That day was the first day in a long while that i saw Baba jay smiled.

"this one wey you dey shine your teeth like person wey drink hot pepper soup, hope say we dey safe?" I said to him.

"guy i dey happy pass person wey drink hot pepper soup oh" He responded.

"wetin happen na? You win jackpot? Abi you win Lottery?" Man asked.

"guy my younger brother wey dey Abroad come village oh, the guy land me Dollars make i use go pay all the money wey i dey owe for school oh" He announced.

"Mumu!! Old man like you, na your younger brother dey give you money wey you go use go pay your school fees" I almost said.

"guy your younger brother na correct guy oh, which country him dey for Abroad?" I needed to know.

I thought his answer would be either USA or UK. Or both.

"na Malaysia him dey" He answered.

I thought he said; "Mali". "so your brother dey Mali, you com dey say him dey Abroad, Mali dey back of my village na, from my Village you fit use Okada go Mali" I teased.

"i say Malaysia, no be Mali" He corrected.

"so your brother dey Malaysia, and you dey happy" Man said.

"make i no happy?" Baba jay queried.

"you don ask am wetin him dey do for Malaysia?" Man said.

"him say him dey work for Oil company" Baba jay answered.

"no be only Oil company, na Ororo company" Brainbox said.

Ororo means Groundnut Oil.

"so you no know say Malaysia na the headquarter of Coco? So na Coco your brother dey sell for Malaysia" Man said.

"wetin be Coco?" Baba jay asked.

"Coco na Coconut" I was pulling his legs.

"how my brother go go Malaysia go sell Coconut, which kin nonesense business be that" Baba f'oolishly replied.

"Mumu! So you no know say Coco na C'ocaine" Snoop cursed.

"God forbid!! How my brother go dey sell C'ocaine for Malaysia, my brother na responsible guy oh" said Baba jay.

"see, look me well well, i no be like responsible guy?" Man asked Baba jay.

"you no be like responsible guy oh, you be like I'diot, you be like fool, you be like Babalawo, infact, you be like Goat" I nearly said.

"answer me na" Man raised his voice.

"you be like responsible guy na" Baba jay answered.

"see, e remain small wey i for go Malaysia with my cousin, that my cousin don die now, the Coco wey him swallow burst for him belle, me sef for don die if to say i follow am" Man narrated.

"how you go die, your Talley go help you na" Brainbox said.

"my Talley no fit help me for that one oh, abi you no know say Africa Jaz no fit work for Abroad" Man said.

When we were younger, we were told by our elder ones that Juju when taken above several Seas would be neutralized. I can't tell how true that was, even up to this moment. How i go know na? I never use Juju before na, talk less of him senior brother "Jaz". And i never travel abroad before na.

Okay!! I don travel abroad two times. The two times na Benin Republic i travel go buy chicken and turkey.

I remember now, i don travel go France sef. In my dreams. Me and my friends even played football in the famous Eiffel Towers.

"Flow you go follow me go Ama Hausa go change this Dollar to Naira oh" Baba jay said.

"who be Flow?" I asked.

"na you na" He replied.

"i resemble person wey wan die? You want make those Aboki use my blokus do Suya? Tell Man wey sabi speak Hausa make him follow you go jor" I said.

"Man you go follow me go oh, abeg" Baba jay pleaded.

"no wahala, as far as you go give me 500naira wey i go use buy Suya and Yogurt if we reach there" Man demanded.

"no wahala, i go give you na, make we dey go" Baba jay said, and they left.


About an hour after they left, a Police van parked in front of Big boys cutz, and three Policemen came out of the van. They wore bulletproofs like they wanted to go fight third world war.

A tall lady walked behind them.

"that is the guy! That is the guy that duped me!" She pointed towards me.

"who dupe you, i know you?" my heart skipped.

"which of them?" One of the Policemen asked her.

"the one on blue T-shirt" She responded.

I wasn't on Blue T-shirt. So it wasn't me.



Guess who it was?




B
R
A
I
N
B
O
X

Two months later.


Big boys cutz became very lucrative, fetching us more money. From the weekly pay i collected as my share, i was able to pay all my debts in school. And i was able to drink atleast a bottle of Udeme every evening.

Not only that, smiling in my bank account was 150k that i had saved from the profit i made from Tupaco and Kpatalico conglomerate.

As for Tupacokpatalico, what was suppose to be a take home pay most times is exhausted before i get home. Sometimes i wondered whether Madam Ifeoma always "jazzed" our pay, that we couldn't give account of a sensible thing we used the money for.

Whether she jazzed it or not, was none of my business, atleast i was able to buy myself good clothes and shoes with the money, and perfumes too. Aboki perfumes.

Man introduced me to an "Aboki" friend of his that sold pungent smelling perfumes to us. Some smelled like Insecticide, some smelled like Fuel, while others smelled like Kerosene. That wasn't the main Issue, the main issue was the names of these perfumes. Funny names like; Story P, Pandoko, Jodo Jodo, Kula Kula, Bens, Flato, ecetera.

Of all the "designer" Aboki perfumes, i became a die hard fan of "Flato", for nothing special but because the letter "F" was the first letter. Flato smelled different from most of the Aboki perfumes in more ways than one.

While most Aboki perfumes smelled like Fuel, Flato smelled like Pesticide.

While most Aboki perfumes felt cool when sprayed on one's skin, Flato burnt like hell once it touches the skin.

And like Onion, Flato always brought out tears from my eyes.


"Flow why you dey cry na?" Brainbox asked.

"so because water dey comot for my eye nahim mean say i dey cry?" I queried.

I was really in tears, all thanks to Flato. I wasn't only in tears, i was in pains also.

"Flow why you do face like s'hit na?" Man asked.

My face looked like poo is an understatement, i was a monkey look-alike.

"how man pekin go use him money go buy wetin go dey make am cry, how man pekin go use him money go buy wetin go dey pain am for body? Nawa oh!" I cried within me. I dared not complained to Man's hearing, because i had earlier told him i so much loved how Flato smelled, that i had never seen a perfume that smelled so nicely since i was born. A Big lie it was.

"Flow na Kuli Kuli you wan go buy wey you dey spray perfume, nawa for you oh, do quick na, hungry dey wayah me" Snoop said.

"wetin concern you, na you buy the perfume for me?" I replied.

Of a truth, since i became a fan of Flato Aboki perfume, i sprayed it morning, afternoon, and night, sometimes i even sprayed it in my dream. Not only me, Man too.

But his own smelled like "Nchanwu".

Nchanwu in Ibo is the same as "Efinrin" in Yoruba and it is called "Scent leaf" in English the Lingua Sandra, i mean Lingua Francesca, Lingua Franca rather.



I bought the Kuli Kuli from the same Aboki that sold us perfumes.


"Flow where you buy this Kuli Kuli?" Snoop asked, as we started "smoking" the Garri.

Not the kind of "smoking" you know. Smoking Garri means drinking Garri.

Garri, a.k.a G4, a.k.a Cassava flakes, a.k.a Golden morn, a.k.a G-unit.


"na for Alhaji Bala place, na Man say make we dey buy Kuli Kuli there" I answered.

"why the Kuli Kuli dey taste like wetin dem piss on top na" Brainbox noticed.

I tasted it to comfirm what Brainbox was complaining of. The Kuli Kuli did not only taste like pee, it smelled like Man's Nchanwu perfume.

"the Kuli Kuli sweet jor" Man said.

"how e no go sweet? Na because na ur friend sell am for us na" I queried.

"abeg i no dey drink again jor" Brainbox left the "drinking" floor. So did Snoop.

So also did Flow, and Man was left alone munching the pee/Nchanwu Kuli Kuli and the G-unit.

"make i go open shop na, rain don stop" Snoop said.

"i dey miss Baba jay oh" He added.

Since Baba jay travelled to his village in Ohafia in Abia state, Snoop hardly opened Big boys cutz for business, he always used either that it was too sunny or it was raining as an excuse.


"guys Baba jay call me, him say him see Bigie for Ohafia" Tupac said as he entered Big boys cutz.

"Bigie dey mad oh, so na for Ohafia him go hide" Brainbox wondered.

"guy make all of us enter Ohafia go catch am na" I gave a nonesense suggestion.

If you reason what i suggested with the front side of your brain, it would be nonesense.

But if you reason it with the back of your brain, you would see the sense in the suggestion. That na if you smoke Igboh oh.

Emperortj93: STILL I FOLLOW btw, oga flow na 2moro b my birthday o so i dey expect many update as birthday gift... HB2M

Sunday is my birthday, wetin you go give me sef?

Let's strike a deal.

Few days later.

"na you be Bigie! I say na you be Bigie!!" A buccaneer member yelled at me grabbing my shirt.

"Bros no be me be Bigie oh, i no fat na" I answered in jitters.

"una dey hide Bigie abi? When we flog all of una with Koboko finish, una go tell us where him dey" the one with the horse whip said. He was as thin as the whip he held.

I thought he just wanted to scare us, that he couldn't possibly lash us with a Koboko.

He started with Brainbox, "Yeeeeeh! Yeeeaah!! Yeaeeh!! My nyash oh!! My back oh!! If i see Bigie i go kill am" he cried.

I thought of running out of the room, but thought otherwise because there were about Five MTNs in the room, one of them was even with a gun.

As i lay facing the floor, i was imagining how the Koboko would tear my back to pieces.

"e no go better for Bigie Papa" I heard Brainbox cursed.

One of the Buccaneer members that wore a yellow beret landed the flat side of the machete he held on my back, and i caught seizure for 30seconds.

"who you be ?" He landed the machete on my back for the second time. I caught Amnesia and partial Stroke instanta. I also became a stammerer.

"i beeeeeeeeeee Flow?" I cried out.

"you be Flow ehnnnn!! So which frat you dey flow?" He asked. "eennnnnnn?" I pretended i couldn't comprehend what he asked.

"i say which cult you dey?" He landed the machete on my back for the third time. That made my brain turned upside down.

A voice in my head kept telling me to say the cult i belonged to. Fear made me mistakenly said "Burger" instead of "Bagger"

"wetin be Burger? Abi you be Bagger?" He queried.

"no oh! I say my name na Flow, my Papa name na Burger" I tried covering up.

"shut up!! So you be Bagger?" He yelled at me. At that moment, i saw myself shrinking like Vegetable.

In my school then, Buccaneers so much hated Baggers. They were like Cat and Dog. Worldwide, they both hated each other. Or so i tot.

"i no be Bagger, na Burger i talk no be Bagger, you ask me my name, i tell you, so my Papa name nahim be Burger" I cried.

He landed me a dirty slap, and said, "Alora make una come see one Aromate oh".

The slap made my brain went cold that i thought what he said was "roommate" and not "Aromate".

"i no be Bigie roommate oh!! Na Tupac be him roommate oh!!" I cried out.

"shut up!!" Another Buccaneer member on yellow short sleeve shirt landed me a slap that made my formerly cold brain warm.

"so you are a cultist?" the one on yellow short sleeve queried, punching me hard on the nose.

My warm brain became pipping hot and interpreted "so you are a cultist?" as "so you are a Scottish?".

"am not a Scottish oh, am a Nigerian" I spoke gibberish.

"go and kneel down there, your case is special" the one on yellow short sleeve commanded. I wondered why he spoke English while his "colleagues" spoke Pidgin.

Legend has it that Buccaneer is a cult for the rich, and that the Leader of Buccaneer in every University must be a son of a notable figure in power.

Maybe he was their leader that was why he spoke English, or maybe not.

I knelt down like a Pupil serving punishment.

I counted the lashes that landed on Baba jay's back to be 17. And i saw him crying like a baby.

That day was the day i knew Baba jay had genes of a Bull Dog. Not only did he look like a Bull Dog, he barked like a Bull Dog as the recieved the lashes of Koboko.

Next was Snoop. He spoke Chinese as he was lashed 18. I counted it accurately.

That day was the first day i saw Snoop's tears.

Since Baba jay was lashed 17 and Snoop was lashed 18, i was sure Man would be lashed 19, or maybe one might me added for the road to make it 20.

"One! Two! Three!!............." I counted in my mind as they resumed lashing Man.

"your Talley no go save you for this one na" I almost said.

"Four! Five!! Six!!" and as the seventh lash landed on his back, the person lashing him suddenly frooze.

He frooze looking like the statue of Liberty as he raised his hand wanting to give Man the 8th lash

I couldn't believe my eyes.

Man stood up and started laughing a "demonic" laugh, and i saw fire in his eyes. I was f'.ucking scared, so was the Aloras. They stampeded like they were Rugby players as they struggled for the door that was wide open.


For 2minutes, the Alora that was lashing Man with the Koboko stood like the statue of Liberty, until Man freed him by tapping him on the the shoulder.

As he was freed, he dashed into the toilet thinking the toilet door was the door that would lead him out of the room.

We all watched as he ran out of the toilet, and ran out just the way his brothers did.

Habybullah: Some ppl don de wan popular pass FLOW fr em thread sha... Sebi this tory don turn 2 "TEX weh de reason" abi?! Seriously guys, when a dude gets home after a hard day's job n finds 3 additional pages 2 his favourite thread, He expects 2 see @least 2 updates frm his cool "ARTIST"! ...or so I tot

Me too, so i tot oh.

Tex is really becoming something else in this Thread.

That was why i initially doubted if she is actually white. Because for heaven's sake, a person might stay in MUSHIN and claim to stay in MANCHESTER, likewise a person might be as "dudu" as charcoal and claim to be white using a fake profile picture.


Pun intended Tex.


STILL I FLOW.

"Flow make una go beg Opopo oh, him don arrest Bigie" Baba jay informed us that evening.

It served him right. Or rather it served him left because he was left handed.


"Guy na Opopo inlaw be that Officer Ejunykpokpo wey come our house come ask us question that time wey Chief Ogbonna die" Baba jay informed.

"eyah!! And we no go fit do anything today, na Tomorrow we go go station go beg make them release Bigie" I said.

How i so wished Bigie would meet the dreaded Commando in the Police cell. Commando would sure change his name from Bigie to Smallie. The Fat Orobo Bigie i knew would certianly be turned into a toothbrush by Commando the Commander in Chief within a day.

I was sure Bigie would most definately pick the pockets of all the Cell inmates, that would be if they had pockets.

Well, if they weren't having pockets, he would pick the pockets of their s'crotal sacks and steal a b'all each from them.





Fast forward......................... Two weeks later.


I wrote Phy412 Exam joyously, all thanks to my ever present help in times of Exam fever, Mgbo reminder.



Bigie was released from the Cell with Tattoos all over his body as parting gift. Tattoos of Koboko whip. He refused giving Opopo the 50,000naira he demanded to buy another laptop, saying Opopo was a toothless Bull dog.



Few days later.


"Bigie you don die be that oh, Buccaneer boys come look for you oh" I informed Bigie who sneaked into the compound. He had been staying in his friend's hostel for close to three weeks.

"ehnnnnnnn! My boys dey find them sef na" Bigie assured.

"who be your boys?" Man asked.

"my boys na my Aiye Brothers" He answered.

He had earlier told us that he was an "exco" in confraternity when he was still in school.

"guy, those guys carry axe and cutlass oh, them say if Tupac no find you, them go kill am" Brainbox added Kerosene to the fire i lite. Not Kerosene but Fuel, because i heard Bigie's heart beat increased.

"make them kill Tupac na" He said that because Tupac wasn't present.

"i no dey fear them, them be ordinary Buccaneers, me i be Omo Egede" Bigie stated.

"Omo Egede" means Black brother.

"Omo Egede my nyash!!! when Buccaneer boys dey find you, where you go? fear-fear boy" I nearly said.

Had Bigie seen the Buccaneer guys when they came, he would had either melted or frooze, or both. Everywhere was as Yellow as MTN, according to Man. They entered our compounded with axes, cutlass, i even saw one of them with a Bow and Arrow as if he was Robin hood.

"me i no go sleep for this compound today oh" Brainbox said.

"you too dey fear, na you be Bigie wey them dey find?" Man altered.

"Bigie if you like yourself, you go pack your bag run comot for this town" I said to Bigie.

"no worry, them no fit do me anything, my boys dey my back" Bigie stated.

"your boys no go save you if wahala burst oh" I warned the s'tubborn Fly.

And what did they say in pidgin about the s'tubborn Fly? "Fly wey no dey hear word dey follow dead body enter grave"

Bigie was really digging his grave. He wanted the Buccaneer and the confraternities to start a war.

The last time both confraternities battled, the scores was 18-8.

18-8 was the number of heads that reached the ground. Meaning 18heads to the leading cult, and 8heads to the losing cult. I know say Buccaneers and Aiye guys go wan know who win the battle.

Well, won Buccaneer. This happened when i was in second year in school. It was very bloody.

And i knew the war Bigie was harvesting would be bloodier.

It could be a revenge mission for Alora. Or so i tot.

Alora isn't the short form for the herbal plant "Aloe Vera". Pls, ask any Buccaneer member you see.

It is what the Buccaneers call themselves, just as Baggers call themselves "Aro", and call themselves Aiye.

"ónyè tétèlè nwà Agú nò n'úràn, mgbé Agú n'abià agbàlà òsó" was my advice to Bigie.

That isn't gibberish but an Ibo adage that means; "He that wakes a sleeping child of a Lion should not run when the Lion comes to devour him"

That was what Bigie was doing, and i prayed the Lion wouldn't eat us all for Lunch

[quote author=Miss_Fibre]How did you toast your current babe? Your English sucks man [/quote]Miss_Fibre that was harsh, pls apologize.

Nobody is above mistake. I just discovered that i have been spelling "fool" as "foul" all thanks to Niaraland moderating foul words. And none of una correct me. I don correct am sha.

That goes a long way to show that nobody is above mistake.

Wizee: Flow, me don see babe wey dey stammer ooo. Her own be say, she go close her eyes dey try find the word wey she wan talk. She dey Ok sha, she no worwor she no beautiful. My Guy go say; she's just there..

She is just there!! Shey you go fit marry her?

Alhassanu: Edit this place oga flow. Phy411 was the 411 of Physics.

It wasn't a mistake, I meant "four one one". Meaning Phy411 is what is happening in Physics.

411 means "what is happening".

Thanks for noticing sha.

[quote author=emma_best2000]Flow I thought you are Igbo ?[/quote]Mr Emma_best go back to the page you quoted that from, you will see i said i was mistaking "Obata Ofuo" for another language. Nobody is above mistake.