₦airaland Forum

Habybullah: My frnd n I bn bet on who go slp wt kate first btw flow n Tega! Noww he wants us 2 raise d bar! ...see wetn flow dn turn us 2! I need a sign sha...

when we reach there we go know who sleep with Kate.

Cashkhiid: Hahahahahahahaha! Flow you don kill pesin here oh! My belle oh! ''AMBULANCE PLEASE''

haba AMBULANCE!!!

E never reach that stage na.

Madawaki01: AM BACK!!!
Nice 1 baba flowey

welcome back

vision2050: brainbox save you again but you denied him at the bank.

Go back and read. He never saved me. We were in it together.

First half over, and i changed my pooing position. This time the poo that came out of my a''sshole was like Egusi soup.

"e no go better for Mama Calabar" Brainbox cursed.

The place we were pooing was everything but someone's farm, it looked bushy. Or so i tot.


An hour, and we were still there pooing. Not only that, the sound our a''ssholes made could be likened to that of a Ballistic missile.

Legend has it that one's poo starts smelling nice when he/she spends as long as an hour pooing.

My mouth was wide open as i tried forcing the stubborn poo out of my bowel. I discovered that the poo ran out faster when my mouth was open than when it was closed. So i opened my mouth althrough, not minding that flies could perch inside.

Suddenly, i felt something cold came in contact with my neck.

The next thing i heard was, "if you move, ur head don go".

As I turned, i saw a chubby guy on black singlet with a machete to my neck, it frightened me so much that, "gbaaaaadaaam!!" I sat on my poo.


Instead of me to plead with the guy, I angrily said, "see as you don make me sidon for my s'hit". "you never start sef, you go soon chop your s'hit" The guy threatened.

From the corner of my eyes, i saw Man ran for his dear life, but when i saw three broad chested guys chased him, it instantly dawned on me that we were in for it.

Brainbox also tried running but was held firmly by one of the guys.

That was the beginning of our sorrows. I and Brainbox.

"you see this ur s'hit? U go chop am" The guy on black singlet threatened. "bros, e better make you cut my head with this cutlass oh, i no go chop my s'hit, God forbid!!" I sounded stubborn.

"oya lie down for this ur s'hit" the guy that held Brainbox commanded him.

Since i was already seating on my poo, there was no need for me to seat or lie on my poo.

"I say begin chop ur s'hit" The guy on black singlet ordered for the umpteenth time. "bros, e better make i die than for me to chop my s'hit" I boldly spoke.

"u wan die abi? Okay choose one; you go chop ur s'hit or you go pay 2000naira fine, or as you wan die, i go cut ur head" He gave me three options. "bros, 2000naira too much na, when una catch Bigie na 1000naira him say him pay" I almost said.

"i say choose one!" He yelled. "bros, i no go fit chop my s'hit and i no go fit pay 2k" I stated.

"okay choose the place for ur neck wey i go cut?" He said bringing the machete to touch my neck. The coldness of the machete on my neck sent cold shivers down my spine.


For a while, i forgot i wasn't caught alone, but with my friend Brainbox.


"Agwo dem this boys no get money oh, make we arrange their Eshi for our Chairman" One of the guys that held Brainbox said dragging Brainbox to where i sat. "na wetin we go do be that na" The guy called Agwo replied.

If you are Ibo, you would agree with me that Agwo is a dangerous name. Dangerous because it means Snake. The guy called Agwo was really as merciless as a Snake. He was the same guy that wanted me to eat my poo.

"Agwo them this boys no get money oh, make we arrange their Eshi for our Chairman" I recalled what one of the guys said earlier.

If Eshi in Ibo means Head, then i would leave you to say the kind of Soup we were in; Okro, Egusi, or better still Ogbono soup.

It instantly dawned on me that these guys wanted to give our heads to their "Chairman" who would use it for Money rituals.

There had been incessant reports of missing persons lately, the bodies of these missing persons were after some days found floating in Otammiri river.


I turned to see that Brainbox had been baptized with his own poo. Poo was painted all over his shirt. And he sat very close to me, "guy no rub s'hit for my body oh" I warned.

"Enyi, make una carry them make we go arrange their head" Agwo commanded.

Enyi means Elephant. A perfect name for someone fatter than Bigie.

The "Elephant size" guy called Enyi dragged me up and said, "na today una go die, una go go do apprentice for devil for hell fire".

"Flow anaa!!" I cried on a low voice.

"Floo anaa" means "this is the exit of Flow". That was what i said because i had concluded we would die.

Enyi grabbed me by my hands with so much strength that he almost amputated me.

"Agwo biko nunu!!" Brainbox was pleading with Agwo while i put my Brain to work.

4kizo: D germans conquer d spanish

Roben + Ribery = Robbery


And they robbed Barcerlona.

I almost chop s'hit that day.

All my life, I will never forget that day.

When we reach there una go know why?

"who una dey find?" A policeman asked us as we got to the Police station. "na our friend wey dem lock here on Tuesday" I replied. "him name na Tega, we wan come give am food, and we wan see am sef" Man said.


As the policeman brought Tega out, i was shocked to see that Tega had grown skinny, and his neck was as tiny as a broomstick. "guy una forget me abi?" Tega said, "we no forget you oh, we just dey busy, and we no want make dem arrest us join" Man said. "guys, make una help me beg Officer Bimpe make she release me na" Tega pleaded. "when you dey enjoy kpormor, we follow you chop" Brainbox f'oolishly said.


We left the station without pleading to Officer Bimpe on Tega's behalf oweing to the fact that we were scared. "but we for help Tega beg that Officer Bimpe make she release am na" Man said as we walked home. "guy, that O''femmanu Officer wicked oh, she fit arrest all of us oh" I said. "if to say una wan go beg her, i for no follow una" Brainbox stated.


As we were a few metres close to reaching home, my phone suddenly rang, i recieved the call.

It was Florence, she wanted me to come supply her more Jewelleries, that she had sold all the Jewelleries she was it. I told her i would come later, because i needed to poo, my stomach was running 100metres.

"guys, una belle dey do una wetin my belle dey do me so?" I said. "yeeeh! make we rush go house, s'hit wan comot for my nyash" Brainbox complained. "me sef ooooooh!" Man cried.

"e be like say na that rice and beans wey we chop for Mama Calabar place, e be like say the beans don spoil" I said.

As we hastened our steps, something came to my mind, that thing albeit funny but it was the truth. Who would first use the toilet while the others wait on a queue? So i said, "guy na me go first use toilet oh, na me s'hit dey worry pass", "na me oh, my own s'hit don dey comot" Man cried. "make una two go use our Toilet, me i go go use dem Bigie own" Brainbox said.

I know as you read, you would be suggesting in your mind why don't we use Bush water closet? That was a no-go-area.

Since Baba jay was caught by Nekede youths when he went to poo in the bush one day, we had all vowed never to poo in the bush again. According to Baba jay, the Nekede youths told him to either pack his poo with his bare hands, or pay 500naira fine. He went for the latter, that was after he was beaten blue black.

Bigie's case was milder than Baba jay's, he was given a "fair" option to either have a taste his poo or pay a fine of 1000naira.

Seeing the draconian measures the dreaded Nekede youths had taken to protect their Farmlands, we promised ourselves never to go near their farmlands. Albeit, every nook and cranny was a farmland to them.

Infact, It was better one poo on his/her clothes than to poo in their farmlands. Or so i tot.

We practically raced home to meet our worst nightmare.


"Baba jay wetin dey smell for this room na?" I asked as i dashed into the room. "na our Toilet oh, the soakaway don full, s'hit water nahim full our Toilet" Baba jay replied. "na lie!!" I doubted and ran into the Toilet to see for myself.

Lo and behold i met an eyesore, the toilet was flooded with dirty, smelling water. Even though my stomach was running, there was no way i could poo in such flooded toilet, unless i wanted to drown.

"Flow na true?" Man asked as i ran out of the toilet. "guy na true oh" I replied. "wetin we go do now, make we follow Brainbox go s'hit for them Bigie toilet" Man suggested. "them Bigie no dey house, Pkc don carry two of them go church" Baba jay informed. "na lie!!" I doubted.

As I ran outside, i comfirmed that Baba jay was saying nothing but the truth when i saw Brainbox running towards me.

"dem Bigie no dey?" I asked Brainbox. "dem no dey oh, guy i don die, s'hit don dey comot for my nyash, e no go better for Mama Calabar" Brainbox cried bitterly. "guy our Toilet don full, we no go fit s'hit there" I informed Brainbox. "and Papa Ejima them no dey, their door dey lock, even Kate sef" Brainbox said. "even if them dey, their Toilet sef go don full, Haruna don call people wey dey pack s'hit for tanker, dem say dem dey come" Baba jay informed.

"we no go fit wait make dem come, make una take paper make we enter bush" Man said offering us a sheet of paper each.

I strayed my eyes to Brainbox's legs as he collected the paper from Man. He was dancing. If it were to be now, i would reffer to the dance step as Etighi. "see as s'hit dey make you dance like mumu" I almost said.


As we walked or rather ran out of the compound, i took a glimpse at the paper i held, it was a hard paper, it looked more like hardcover paper. Such paper could tear my a''sshole wider. It was the direct opposite of tissue paper.

I took a glimpse at the sheets of paper Man and Brainbox held. And i noticed mine was thicker than their's.

That was less a problem.

The problem at that moment was if our poo would land us in Big poo.

Thumbs up Foxy ma nigga.

But why the duplicating identity na. Use one

SexyDuby: God is watching you. Am I supposed 2 be a number one ceiling fan?

you are of course.

But you know say na standing fan dey blow pass ceiling fan.

Francuiz: Oga flow i d hail u on your frequent updates. U no d dull ur followers. More MB to ur phone abi na laptop or so i tot

Thank you Oga Francuiz

"guy i pity Tega oh, that O''femmanu Officer don lock am up for 2days now" I said as we walked to Ade's barber's shop.

Yes, Ade's barber's shop was where we were headed to. And don't ask me what we were going there to do, because if you ask me my answer would be, "when we reach there you go know".

"but Flow ehnnn Tega put you for small wahala that day oh, sotey u begin dey mess like mumu" Brainbox said. "una dey Mad, una no fit tell them say no be me be Tega abi" I said. "if we tell them, them no go believe us na, and we want make dem show you pepper small" Man said, and they both laughed.

"But after we go where we dey go now, make we try reach police station go see Tega" Man suggested. "yes we go go, we go even buy food for canteen go give am" I said. "when him dey chop that O''femmanu Officer kporkpor, him give me chop? I no go follow una go abeg" Brainbox said.

"but you dey chop the things wey him dey bring come house abi?" I queried, "how i no go chop? Shey you no see as him cause make them carry all of us for Police Van go Police station? Like say we be thief" Brainbox said, "but them no do us anything for Police station na, them just free us" I reminded him. "na because Tega beg the O''femmanu Officer nahim make she free us" Man said.

"but women wicked oh, see as Tega dey for station since Two days now because of say him no wan dey wayah the O''femmanu Officer again" I said.

"Man, na Ade place we dey go so, we go tell am say make him help u market them ur necklace" I informed. "Flow eeeh! You be correct man, my mind no even go there" Man said.

"u go let Brainbox use Yoruba tell am, as Brainbox sabi speak Yoruba" I said. "no wahala" Man agreed.

We got to Ade's shop to meet Ade seating alone wearing a gloomy face. Quite unusual. "Ade how market na?" Man asked. "Market bad oh, market bad well well" Ade replied.

That was the first time since i knew Ade that his barber's shop was without customers. "abi na because Paco don open barbing salon near your own?" Man said. "i no know why oh, e be like say people no like my hair cut again, i no know wetin dey happen oh" Ade said with a frown.

"you know wetin dey happen abeg, your Otumorkpor no dey work again, your friend Paco don pack all ur customers with him Ibo Otumorkpor wey pass ur O''femmanu Otumorkpor" I almost said.

Otumorkpor is an Ibo slang which means a diabolic means of gaining customers by V'oodoo.

Paco was Ade's best friend, who Ade taught how to cut hair, the same Paco was on the verge of chasing Ade out of the business.

Well, like they say, "no Champion forever". But it really breaks one's heart when the successor to one's Championship is his/her best friend.

Well, like they say in Ibo, "O bu onye ma mmadu ga egbu mmadu". Meaning, "no one else can bring you down, but your best friend".


"Flow eeeeeh! see that my waka about shoe wey those MOPO thief" Man suddenly said tapping me on my shoulder. I turned and saw that not only his waka about shoe was on display, my Codosa shoe was also on display.

"Ade who sell this two shoe for you" I asked holding both shoes. "na one boy like that, the boy black, shey una like the shoe?" Ade said. "the two shoe na our shoe wey thief come theif for our house" Man said, "nawa oh, but una know say this my shop nahim people dey come sell things wey them thief, una suppose understand" Ade said with his voice unsteady.

Something in his eyes told me he was lying.

As Brainbox was telling Ade our reason for coming, i tried recalling the voice that informed the two MOPO in our room to leave the room on the night of the murder of Chief Ogbonna.

The voice really sounded like Ade's voice. If i could recollect well, this was what that MOPO said; "MOPO!! Make we dey go, we don kill am".

Goose pimple grew all over my body on the thought of Ade having a hand in Chief Ogbonna's murder.

To add salt to the injury, Ade hardly talks to us when we come to cut our hair lately. Unlike before that he would gist us heaven and earth of the happenings within the vicinity.

Was Ade a MOPO? Why would he want Chief Ogbonna dead? Who sent them to kill Chief Ogbonna? I asked myself all these questions that only Time could answer.

Ade finally agreed to help Man market his Jewelleries and he collected almost all of what was left of Man's Jewelleries.

"Ade keep that waka about shoe for me oh, i go come buy am" Man said as we left Ade's shop.


Few minutes walk and we were at Mama Calabar canteen to buy the food we were to go give Tega in the Police cell. And also to fill our stomach.

"una travel? I never see una since" Mama Calabar said happily. "yes we travel" I replied.

As we walked out of Mama Calabar canteen to board a bus that would take us to the Police Station, i was glad we were fulfulling the part of the Holy Bible that says; "when i was in prison you came to visit me, what so ever you do to the least of my Brethen, that you do unto me".

quinfayva: Flow,i luv ur originality...also luv d fact dhat d intimate part are not explicitly illustrated..it is decent dat way..carry dey go ezigbo nwa..4rm ur no1 female..muah!

Thank you my number 1 female standing fan.

sosiq: Flow u no tel u wetyn apen afta dem arrest una.....

hahahahahaha

Don't worry, on my next update, u will know.

I have a reason for not telling it Immediately.

When we reach there you go know why.

[quote author=Barnabas_Co]Happy New month.........May of Many[/quote]You be copy copy.

Sir Nooz: Someone shared the link of "ibo boy wey like yoruba" with me on bbm ... I read and read all other of your writeups to this "man wey dey reason" ... Bro , I would say, u are really good and somehow , you already got me registered with NL , courtesy of ur writeups sir, keep it FLOWing,much respect ...

Thank you very much.

But no try dat thing wey dey that picture for Lagos road oh.

"Flow follow me make i go that boutique wey i drop my necklace go see how much dem don sell" Man said to me one cool morning. "ok make we go" I replied. "i go follow una oh" Brainbox said.

As we walked to the boutique, i was reminiscing with Nostalgia the fun memories of Kponkponization Ab initio, so i said,
"guy i miss Kponkpon oh, i miss rice and beans oh, my miss sugar baby and choping of biscuit oh". "me sef oh" Brainbox said. "i phone Madam Ifeoma yesterday, she say na next two weeks we go start work again" Man informed.


We got to the boutique to meet a u'gly scene, the boutique was scanty, i initially thought we were in the wrong boutique. "wetin happen here?" Man asked the hefty guy we saw the other day.

With a gloomy face, the hefty guy said, "guy them rob us last night oh, dem break door com pack almost everything we dey boutique oh". "hope say dem no carry my necklace?" Man asked the obvious.

"them carry am oh" the hefty guy replied with both hands on the back of his head. "i don die oh!!! Necklace wey reach 20k, i don Kpemeh oh" Man screemed.

Kpemeh is not French, it is a pidgin English slang for Die.

Man wept.


"guy, no worry i get one idea wey you go take recover your money back" I said as we walked home. "wetin be the idea?" Man asked with tears clouding his eyes.

"shebi your necklace still remain small for house?" i asked. "yes e remain but na small" Man said. "run go house go bring am, e get where i go carry you go" I said. "where be that?" He asked. "when we reach there you go know" I answered.

As I and Brainbox waited for Man to go bring the Jewelleries, all of a sudden, an Ikebe super Lady came catwalking passed us, "nne imara mma" I complimented and she couldn't even say thank you. "eeh pretty! I have a gift for you" Brainbox said and immediately she heard "gift", she stopped abruptly.

"Nne imara mma" is not Swahili but Ibo, and it means "you are Beautifully beautiful". (na everything i go translate for una?).

As Brainbox was showing her his glowing Jewelleries, i was looking at her glowing Ikebe with my mouth ajar, despite the fact that where i stood was dirty and flies flew around.

When i said "Nne imara mma", i never meant she was beautiful facially, but i meant she was beautiful "Ikebely". Facially, she was nothing to write home about, Manchesterly, she was an eyesore. But Ikebely, she was "Caterpillar", even surpassed Madam Ifeoma's Television shaped Ikebe.

That goes a long way to explain the saying; "you can't have it all".

My mouth was still ajar when i heard Man coming. "Man you don come" I said.

As i said that, i felt something in my mouth with my tongue. Initially, it tasted sweet, but as i savoured further, it began to taste salty. "wetin dey my mouth na" I asked myself.

As i savoured even further, it tasted like blood. That was when it dawned on me that my bad breath had commited murder.

I had murdered two flies.

Maybe my bad breath weaken their wings that the couldn't fly away, so they died in my mouth. Or maybe not.

If there is one thing i hate so much right from when i was born till this moment am typing this, that thing is not brushing my teeth before leaving home.

I so hate the stench someone's bad breath sends to my nose when conversing that i could even give the person a dirty slap, no matter who the person is, even if he/she is the president of Nigeria.

It is better you fart in my mouth than for you to converse with me having bad breath.

Infact, i hated bad breath with a passion that it always caused misunderstanding between I and My room mate in school back then. The guy saw brushing his teeth as an herculean task. He could go as far as two weeks without brushing, still all his Department b'abes were head over heels in Love with him.

Maybe his bad breath was his goodluck charm. So i tot.


Irritated, I quickly spat out the two flies.

And successively spat saliva. Saliva that could fill two buckets.

"Flow why you dey pour spit like this na" Man asked. "him get belle" Brainbox who just came said. "ehnnnnnn, i get belle, na your papa give me the belle" I said and Man laughed.

As we walked to where i promised Man i would take him to, something in me kept assuring me Man's sorrow would soon be over.

Don't ask me where we were walking to, because my answer would be, "when we reach there you go know".

TVT KOKO: I'm i just right to say i love this flow, before some apes here call me homo...

The thing Tayah me oh. If guy say him Love him fellow guy, na Homo him be be that.

Melancholy: I think that law of nature is done on u nau! Remember what u did to brainbox in the bank?!

Or so you tot.

plainmirror: Ʊ gat ma ribs cracking bro.Anyway thanks for U̶̲̥̅̊я last post in ma on-going tread "synopsis of plainmirror" was very encouraging.


Thumbs up bro #tuale#

Tuale baba plainmirror

One afternoon.

Snoop, Tupac and Bigie were gambling in our room.

I, Man and Brainbox were taking account of our sales, as well as counting the Jewelleries left with us.

Tega was surfing the internet with his laptop.

Pkc and Baba jay were in church.

We sat peacefully minding our business "jejely".

Tega was gisting us of how the wind fell last year on his business.

His business was "yahoo-yahoo". What he never knew was that he would bring us all a wind fall in a negative way that afternoon.


Suddenly i heard a car zoomed into the compound. I concluded it could be Papa Ejima, maybe he just returned from work. If it was him, then he came back early.

Within few seconds, i heard a knock at the door. I concluded it could be Baba jay, Maybe Papa Ejima gave him a lift, because our church was close to Papa Ejima's Place of work or rather place of business.

"Baba jay you be Mumu oh, why you go dey knock for your own door? Abi you drink? enter house na" I yelled.

It wasn't Baba jay that entered but "Baba dem".

Baba dem a.k.a Ekelebe if you are from Warri, a.k.a Olokpa if you are Yoruba, a.k.a Ndi uwe ojii if you are Ibo, a.k.a Sanko if you are from South-South. If you don't understand these names, then you are not Nigerian.


I saw Three Policemen entered the room, not forcefully but silently because the door was partially open. Two of the Policemen were with guns. Hunter guns.

Since i was closer to door, i quickly hid my Jewelleries. The others continued with what they were doing, because they never noticed the Policemen.


"so you are gambling!!" yelled a policeman bringing everyone to pause mode. "you even deal on fake Gold" one of the Policemen noticed. "to crown it all up, you are a yahoo-yahoo boy" Another Polieman said looking at Tega's Laptop screen.

"no Officer, we no dey gambling, we are dey play card" Tupac spoke Pidgin English garnished with English Language. "no oh Officer, no be Gold be this oh, na GL" Brainbox cried.


"who is Tega here?" One of the Policemen asked.

The "Tega" the Policeman said sounded like "Tiger" to me. "go Zoo, you go see Tiger" I almost said.

The room was silent for some seconds. "i said who is Tega?" the Policeman thundered.

"he is Tega" Tega suddenly said pointing at me.

"who be Tega?" I queried.

"Officer na him be Tega oh" Tega pointed at me again.

Before i could alter a word, one of the Policemen landed me a hot slap that my head went round and round like a Mary go round.

"you be Tega and you no wan talk abi!!" the Policeman thundered.

"i no be Tega oh, my name na Ugochukwu" I cried.

In such situation, the name Flow was bad luck, so it was better i said Ugochukwu. So that "Chukwu" would come to my aid.

"shut up!!" Another Policeman yelled. "infact all of una dey under arrest" He said. "oya make una move!!" One of them yelled.

What marvelled me was how the other guys kept mute, and why they couldn't defend me that i wasn't Tega.


I tried moving, but my both legs failed me.

"you no go move abi!" one of them yelled at me stricking his hunter gun on my a''ss.

That made me fart uncontrollably.

"so you dey mess abi? I go shot that your nyash wey you take mess" He pointed the gun towards my a''sshole.

"Officer abeg no vex, na mistake, i no go mess again" I pleaded.

"move jor!" He ordered.

"i go move Office, i go move" I tried moving.

"move jor!" He pointed his gun at my neck. The gun pointed at my neck acted as a remote control that made me moved.

I noticed i wasn't walking normally, i was walking as if i had bow legs. "so you get bow leg?" The Policeman yelled.

"yes Officer!" I answered and i heard Brainbox giggled in front.


As we got outside, i saw that the vehicle i initially heard drove in was a Police van.


As i came close to the van, i saw a Female Officer seated in front smiling. She looked familiar.

Oh my world!! She was Officer Bimpe. The O''femmanu Officer.

It instantly dawned on me why the Policemen asked for Tega.


But i wasn't Tega. Why me? "i go kill Tega" I promised.

You try jor Mr Plainmirror, or so i tot.

vision2050: You deserve award;

shey you belong to Nitrious family
ldkm,lrodf

What is Nitrious Family?

valboy20: Omo...u wan turn me to onye ara ni?

No, i wan turn you to wereh ni

fujirice: Of course you ranned! Hihhihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihi!

my brother, I raned oh.

"Flow i go like join this una business oh" Baba jay said as we sat in a bar drinking one evening. "you go fit do dis kin business?" Man queried. "i go fit do am na" Baba jay assured.

I was imagining Baba jay selling necklace to a customer and suddenly Epilepsy attack struck. The customer would either run, ran or raned. Or all of the above.


After we had taken 4bottles each, some of us still took one for the road.


As we staggered home, our discussions were mainly r'ubbish. Some were building castle in the air of how they would be the richest man in Nigeria come what may, while others were building castle on land without foundation of how they would be the Nigerian Snoop Dogg.

"guys i go be the best musician for Nigeria, check me out, Snoop Black for life" Snoop said. "Snoop Black nahim be ur stage name?" Tupac asked. "yes na, na correct name na" Snoop replied.


"guys make we chop ABC this night na" Man suggested. "so only four bottles of Gulder wey you drink nahim make u wan mad, dem dey chop ABC?" Brainbox said. "no mind am, him no know ABC when him dey Nursery school nahim make him wan chop ABC now wey him don grow" I said.

"una no understand wetin ABC mean? ABC mean Akara, Bread and Coke" Snoop explained.

Akara, Bread and Coke. A perfect blend indeed.

"ok i go pay for the Akara" I volunteered. "me go pay for the Bread" Tupac volunteered. "i go pay for the Coke" Brainbox volunteered.

I was sure the A and B would come, but i wasn't sure the C would complete the alphabetical meal. Because, Brainbox would not possibly pay for Seven bottles of Coca Cola. Unless his name wasn't Brainbox but Doolina.

We bought the Akara and Bread from Mama Chigbo, not by L107, but Legally.

As we headed straight to Nkiru's shop to buy or rather L107 the Coke, my liver was turning Lily gradually.

I walked in Front boldly. Inspired by Five bottles of Udeme.


"Nkiru how market?" Brainbox said "as i take fine naso my market fine" Nkiru answered. "who dey decieve you say you fine? Your face wey be like s'hit wey dem fire catapult" I almost said.

Meanwhile, Tupac was loudly playing "Califonia Love" by Tupac Amaru Shakur on his phone.

"you be fine woman na" Baba jay who was dancing to the music said.

"make i help you hold this ur fine pekin" I offered. As she handed her baby to me, i closed my eyes praying to God for the Baby not to infect me with u'gliness.

"make we dance na" Baba jay said grabbing Nkiru. I couldn't tell the kind of dance Baba jay and Nkiru were dancing, if it was Salsa or Atilogu. We all cheered their funny dance step. Not we all, Brainbox was cheering something else. Mischief.

I felt something cold slid into my pocket. I looked and saw that it was a bottle of Coca cola.

Brainbox was at it again.

I watched keenly as he slid a bottle each into everybody's pocket, except for Bigie that he slid Four bottles because his trousers had so many pockets.

Baba jay continued dancing with Nkiru without thinking of the consequencies of his action. Maybe it wasn't him dancing, but the Star beer he drank.


The Boss suddenly came from nowhere. Haruna the Boss.

"walahi talai!! I don die today" He yelled. He never meant he was dead, he meant Baba jay was dead. "I" in Hausa intonation was mostly replaced by "You" and vice versa.

As he grabbed Baba jay by his shirt firmly, i prayed for Baba jay. My prayer was for his punishment to be mild.

"I dey dance with my wife ba? I dey mad?" Haruna thundered. "your own don finish today" Haruna threatened.

The next sound i heard was, "gbooooooaaaaaaaa!!" Haruna smashed a bottle on Baba jay's head.


I turned to see that the other guys had disappeared. They ran with the speed of light because they knew what Haruna was capable of.

Why i couldn't run was because of the baby or rather monkey i held.

"Nkiru abeg take dis ur monkey" i couldn't caution my mouth not to say that.

As i handed over the Monkey to her Ape mother, i saw that the Bottle Haruna smashed on Baba jay's head created little or no injury to his head.

Maybe it was because his head was as hard as rock.

"abeg sir, abeg oga Haruna, na play i just dey play with ur wife" i heard Baba jay pleading as i ran.

Or rather, I raned.

salaudol: @ d phone advertiser, - na so BokoHaram go dey derail ur life wt bomb IF u continue this menace!

Flowa,
I go wound this guy o.

wound am.