₦airaland Forum

sweerychick:
Whose Fault Is It Anyway?

Good evening nairalanders!

I need serious opinions on this issue, as it has bothered me so much so I decided to bring it up here. It's about my younger sister and her girlfriend.

About 2 years ago my younger sis girlfriend met a guy that indicated interest in her, according to my sis her friend wasn't into this guy, in fact her friend was using him from the onset, my sis said that her friend told her that she doesn't like the guy at all because the guy according to her was a teacher in one private school and he isn't really what she wanted in a man.

But this guy loved her and my sis recounted one time the guy paid her tuition fees and gave her money for her project work. The guy was always there for her but her sis friend never liked him sometimes my younger sister will tell me that she should go for him she thought she was joking but little did she know that her girlfriend was serious.

When it was obvious she couldn't play the guy anymore, she had to confront the guy and told him face to face that they can't continue together, that she can't put up with him anymore and that he can have my younger sister as a friend since my sister is her roommate.

The guy was shattered and devastated, and it equally shattered my sister as well because my sister knew how much sacrifice the guy has made for her girlfriend. So the guy would meet my sister and start begging her to talk to her friend, and each time my sister tries to talk to her girlfriend to reconsider, she would turn it down.

So the guy gave up his efforts but maintained communications with my sister.

As time went by my sister and this guy became close, and they were good friends, so early February this year they guy got a contract job with Exxon mobile for 5 years at Akwa ibom, and he is now asking for my sister's hand in marriage. He's so serious that he has brought wine to my Father with his family members.

My sister told him let her put it in prayers. Because she's currently doing her NYSC.
Upon hearing the news of my sister and this guy, her silly girlfriend that rejected him because he was low, is now beefing my sister and telling the whole world that my sister snatched her boyfriend away from her. it was so bad that she even tried to re establish communication with this guy again.

My sister told me that her girlfriend sent a message to this guy and told him that my sister once had an abortion when she was in her 3rd year, and some stupid lies. But she said that the guy knew that her girlfriend was lying and decided to block her. This got my sister infuriated and me also but the guy begged us to let her go That she's just desperate.

But I'm really really really angry now because she has been spreading malicious lies about my younger sister. And my sister is planning her traditional wedding with this guy by January So please I need suggestions on how to deal with this issue because I don't see my sister at fault here, and I only see a wicked and desperate friend trying to cause wreck in someone's happiness..

Mods I really appreciate if this topic is on front page because it's a serious issue..

There is no issue here

The propose marriage has to go on

The man has the final decision

And the oracle has decided

garfield1:
That justice ekwo is becoming another okon abang....

Lol

Just2endowed2:
No one challenged him in court.

Good, now his opponent will have a good reason to do the needful

So how did he succeed in getting to senate and still there with the same documents and data mix up ❓

Where was the Inec then

It will never be well with those robbers

Women are made for men

QuintessentialW:
Hello house, good morning.

I have a real concern and I want to know what is permissible from mature and discerning individuals in the house.

Myself and my siblings were raised (from when I was about 8 years old) single handedly by my mum. Even all the 7 years that my father lived with us, my mum chiefly ran the home... she was the one who paid rent and school fees and ensured quality feeding. Father was gainfully employed at the time, but he just lacked a sense of responsibility for family. He finally absconded at about the time I was 8 because he lost his job, and never looked back... he was never involved in our finances or welfare. In all those years, he visited a few times, but that was all. My mum passed on a few years ago and her brother, my uncle, assumed FULL responsibility for my siblings and I. My paternal uncles never lent a helping hand.

Now I'm in my 20s, done with schooling, working currently, and would be getting married soon. I want to know what is permissible. I'm from a minority tribe in Edo State, so I'm not Bini or Esan. My maternal family are Okpe (Urhobos). Left to me, I don't want my father collecting my bride price or walking me down the aisle. He now lives in squalor in the village. I don't want to go to the village to do my traditional wedding if I can help it.

Two years ago when I first had plans of getting married, my maternal uncle who's responsible for us had mentioned that I shouldn't take any man to my dad. My maternal family is angry with him, for what he did to my mum and us. I would love to respect my Uncle's wishes because I feel he has a say, and to show my appreciation for all he's done.

Has it ever happened that a girl's maternal family receives her bride price? Is it a taboo? If that's against tradition, is it possible to choose another location other than the village, where my dad and his kinsmen can perform the traditional rites?

Also, on my church wedding day, can my Uncle walk me down the aisle?

N:B I don't hold any grudges against father. I've been the only one amongst all my siblings who's tried to keep in touch with him. I was the one who personally went to seek him out to know where he lives... and to know my village. Whenever I can afford to, I send him money.

Still, I don't feel he deserves to give my hand in marriage. He's never been a dad, in the true sense of the word. Something happened not so long ago, and he was threatening to curse my brothers... for not looking after him. He acts really entitled.

Candid advice, please. Thank you.

Well its not a do or die affair, if your brother can take his place good and fine

But left for me, just invite him wherever the marriage bride price will be done and let him collect it

He may be a nuisance but give to him his right since he is alive and after that keep him at arms length

I won't like anything that will trip your state of mind in your marriage and or anything that will affect your brother if he should collect it

Your dad is a bittered man and he can harm anyone that crosses his part because of the careless life he lived

As for your paternal uncle, plead with him to over look that aspect because your dad has lost all already

And promise your uncle of you guys loyalty

I just feel like getting angry with you

But because you are an orphan I will not

Pls separate your self from that monster beast of a clueless man

Your life doesn't warrant the gambling

Forget about what people will say

Start afresh, there are better men out there who will want to keep you and your child

Pls help your self

Marriage is not the highest achievement for you

This man should be made to pack out if her, that's the only Way peace will raign in that home

Before government gave her that money and put it in her care, they have done their investigation

GOFRONT:
This is what you get when you get married to a Motor park Agbero...

Not true, most motor pack agberos love and respect women, that's why you hardly hear if a motor pack agbero beating his wife, they get money on daily basis and rocks a woman

The man is just a beast

No one will be proud to put his mad father or mother in the public

The shame and humiliation is very embarrassing

Rather they post and solicits for financial help for rehabilitation

I repeat no body will be proud to do that

ochukwuma15:
Best advice so far!
God bless you immensely for this advice.

Thank you and God bless you too

What a journey of struggles and survival

Without love, they can't be together

etrouble:
Yes ooooo. People wonder how a woman of about 40 years will not know who impregnated her. People also wonder why her old parents still aid and abet her just because of money.

Money is power, it can silent people's opinions

Simpleete:
Nice one too,respect Sir.

Thanks, lady pls

Belafonte:
I'm going to assume you haven't been hearing the many stories of men who trust/trusted their wives, but have had to conduct these tests for official reasons only to find out that their 'faithful' having have been involving in side action. There are men who found out bitterly, years after, that they raised children that weren't theirs.

Such stories have currently become plentiful to the point where the general understanding is that 1 in 3 children have been given to the wrong father knowingly or unknowingly.

With the above information, coupled with the fact that Nigerian women have passionately taken up adultery as a hobby, it would be wise to be sure that your children are, in reality, your children.

Hence, this man's actions are fully justified. FULLY. Trusting someone doesn't automatically make them incapable of fúcking you up. Enemies don't betray, friends do.

The wife may be hurt, but he should apologise and make it up to her some way. If she cannot understand his paranoia, too bad. I'd rather risk losing a faithful woman than raising another man's bastàrd

Why did he keep the results away from the wife ?

Viking07:
Find peace indeed. Once you start cheating there's no going back. Unless something drastic happens, be it marriage, pregnancy, etc. I'll always advice people to try as much as possible not to cheat, because once you enter that place, the battle has been lost.

Not true

shortgun:
Did u even read the post.

Read and explain to me

Belafonte:
How does he lack trust in himself by conducting a paternity test? Educate us. We want to know.

My point is, you have a faithful wife

You have never caught her or suspected her for one day

He even went behind her to do test

sp749513:
Thank you sir,may Jah bless you.

Thanks my dear, but am a woman

phenzy:
You gave the best advice so far

Thanks my dear

AdeeT:


I've betrayed her trust, I have really hurt her, I wish that I could undo all I've done. But it's too late, and I'm reek of guilt, it's all over me.

I just cheated on a beautiful lady that has stayed with me through thick and thin for years, a wonderful soul that anyone would dream to have. Cheating might be a common thing, but the moment you cheat on a pure soul, an innocent woman that gives you all, WITH HER BEST FRIEND, then it's beyond cheating.

I am charming, good looking working class guy, guys and girls easily comment how good looking I am, my fiancee is so proud of me, and my achievements that she easily shows me off at the slightest opportunity. She attended the same Uni with her friend, and ever since then, they've been a very good friend. They even served at the same place(worked out), to show you how close they her.

Now my fiancee works in the southern Nigeria, we planned to seal things up next year, and live together here in Abuja. Her friend came for a job interview here, and my woman advised that she rather stay with me for the period instead of her spending a lot on hotel accommodations since I live alone in a bedroom flat. I obliged, and she came down here, little did I know that things would get messy. Long story cut short, I fell in to her seduction the second night of her staying after some series of events. We ended up having sex couples of time before she left. I feel terrible now, though she felt nothing, I can't even flow well with my woman on phone again, guilt is all over me. I don't know how I will stand her whenever we meet. Of all girls in the world, she's the least anyone would want to cheat on.

I'm thinking of telling her. Mind you guys, I'm not a weakling, I've never been one. Before I met her some 3 years back, I was on the other end of life. She changed a lot for good for me, and helped stop many bad things, as well as starting several good ones. I don't know what her reaction would be after telling her. Her friend still communicates with her as if nothing happened.

I'm in pain guys. A serious one. I need advices.

Just promise yourself that you won't repeat such a dirty act next time, even although your marriage with her

Once you can do so then you will find peace

Love her more and more and your conscience will mellow down

As for her friend, reduce your communication with her and use your senses, she will accept a Bleep from you even if your wife is in pains in labour room and you are tensed, she no send and not remorse from her so best option is distance before she break your home a d take over

She no send ohhh

Don't tell your wife because you will create a very deep hole like a pot In her heart and women don't forget such

After your marriage just tell her politely that you don't want what will lead you to have problems with her that she should drop all her girl friends and start making friends with responsible married women

sp749513:
Good moring nairalanders.

I want justice pls.

I was jailed 4 years ago when i was arrested,tried and sentenced for fraud.

I was not a criminally minded person but do to the economic hardship and how to provide for my wife and daughter I went into fraud.

My wife was supporting our union with her trade which the income was very low and to feed was war.

To cut the long story short when i was in prison she do visit occasionally but during 3 years spent already she stop visiting.

When i was freed last 2 months and to know what ups I went to where we live and learnt from a neighbour that my wife has parked out from our 2 rooms apartment and is now living with a man.

I got the address,went their and lo and behold she was heavily pregnant for the man.

I felt like fainting that moment and to make matter worse she said it to my face that she can't live with an ex convict.

My 5 years old daughter wants me back but my wife and her family are fighting against that.


I still love my wife despite her betrayal but the pregnancy and her refusal to give me back my daughter is giving me problem.

I want justice against the wife snatcher and i want back my wife and daughter.



Please what is the best ways to go about it so as not to go against the law.

Mods,I want justice.

lalasticlala
mynd44

Are you really married with registry prove of marriage certificate or the normal naija marriage

Even if you go to court, the custody of the child will be given to the mother and not you

She is not denying the fact that you are not the father of the child, but you can't handle that child unless you give her out

I advice you calm down and mourn the grief of the lost marriage and start again

She has move on with reasons best known to her and her family

She is already pregnant, would you want to claim another man's pregnancy even if she comes back

True love stands the test of time no matter the condition

Go and think of how to rehabilitate yourself and start a fresh

Just stay away from fraud because you will be caught again if you continue

Forget about the embarrassment and what people are saying, that's not supposed to bother you

What should be bothering you now is how to start life afresh and meet a woman that will give you true love

Don't be dragging that your daughter with her, just visit her at a venue both of you will agree on and take over her school fees once you find your bearing

When you want to pay her school fees, go to her school and pay by yourself and keep the receipts as prove

One day, you will tender the receipt to her that you trained her through out her schooling

As for the child feeding, her new husband will do that

One day, she will be fed up and you will be asked to come and take your child

I wish her well in her adventure and I wish you the best in your new life

Vick4rill:
She is in the same faculty with me, we have been communicating well and l jokingly ask her to visit me. now she is interested and has been calling me since then. my major issue is the bad state of my room. the room is not furnish at all and is not a room l like inviting my male friend talk more of a girl l want to propose to. what do l do Nairalanders?

Go and think of the proposal very well, that's where the issue is not the look of the room

kestolove95:
His emergency was a palace coup, ingrate

Your madness Don enter church matters

Why not keep roaming in the street

shortgun:
I am always harassed by women anytime I go to the Market to buy food stuff.
They are always making bad comments about me coming to the market as a man to buy food items.

If I buy fish of 2k, they will say this "one u are buying fish of 2k today it's like madam is around"; I will tell them I live alone, they will be like so na only u go finish fish of 2,000.
The other day, two women that came to buy stuff were saying to my hearing that it's only stingy men that don't want their wives to chop their money will come to the market to buy food stuff.
They said serious minded men don't have time to go to the market.
They were almost making fun of me but I kept my cool.
Me that is single, where is the wife?

I was waiting for my turn another time for d woman selling vegetables to attend to me, she finished selling to d woman before me, instead for her to serve me next she turned to a woman that was behind me I said to her, "madam how much Ugu u want buy"
I didn't say anything to both of them, when she was almost done slicing the vegetables she now said but "madam this Oga first you come"
The woman said, "madam leave this Oga him no smart, I sharp pass am, that's why and I am a bully, I can bully my way to get what I want
Correct men don't come to the market, this one na woman."
I don't know if I should be angry,sad or just disappear
Even the way they look at me with disgust is enough to give one heart attack.
They will keep telling me things like, Oga u be fine man and u get money, why u no want marry
Is a crime that I like to cook my meals myself...and cook good, very good
Is it a crime to be a single Man in this country?

Pls what can I do to stop this harassment by women in the market?
These days I will drive to a market far from my area to get stuff.
Not that I can't talk back at them but u know how sharp their mouths is
Is food stuff market only for women?
Local man is tired.

Goband get a woman for yourself

If you don't like the embarrassment, shop else where

The truth is that, women don't like seeing men in soup markets

It's assumed that you are a stupid and stingy man and your wife will rather prefer you shop than giving her the money because even the money given to her isn't even enough for a pot if stew so she prefers you take your stingyness to the market

Such men are never caring

That man lacks trust in her and even in his own self

Ugmama:
** MARRIAGE LESSON 101 **
Please when a young couple have misunderstanding / fight for a minor reason and the husband packs out of his house leaving his wife and two children. What does it imply ? What should the wife do ?

He is not fully prepared for the challenges of marriage

No marriage is sweeter

If your sister is working, let her take responsibilities and face those kids

As for the husband he is ready to pack out of any woman he gets married to continously
Until he starts being ashamed of himself