₦airaland Forum

philfrey08:
Hey guys,

My sister is threatening the peace of the family with her wanting to marry a guy she met about a year ago.
We are a traditional Igbo family with very close nuclear and extended family. We value family so much that we are close to our cousins/siblings and we help each other.
She met this Edo guy and things changed. Her friends went down to almost none, relationship with family became bad and most important life decisions or advice she takes from him instead of speaking to her parents/family.
She told the family of her proposal to marry this guy, 6 months into their relationship.... its almost a year now and the family is not in support.
Although she loves this guy, the family don't like him because he isn't igbo and they are not sure he is financially capable. The issue, to her, is that she is approaching 30 and may not get another suitor.
She is ready to sacrifice all for him even her family and threatened that its only death that would not allow her marry him.
This is becoming a big issue. The family is divided. The parents are saying No.... her sisters support her.

abeg help put mouth.

not for front page pls

Financially dependent or not

Love handles all that

She should be allowed to follow her heart before she blames the family of any misfortune in her life

Tradition or no tradition, its made by men not women and a woman doesn't determines where she will get married to

If the guy is from America, will the same traditions be used as excuses ❓

eddy1234:
OK friends ...I have a lot in my hands and I need matured advice not to make mistakes please... I lost my rich aunt last year ....she handed over her properties and two kids to me to take care ...(adopted.the girl is 20yrs .just finished jamb .the boy is 12yrs .just going into js1)

now I'm 39. not married.and lost my job 2months ago....no liquid cash left but I have in my custody 4 units of 3bedroom flats ....also a 6 bedroom duplex not yet finished so no tenant yet... since my aunt was so secretive I had to start looking for other houses she didn't say...I have found two in an estate .....somewhere...nobody knows about it but me.I'm yet to find out more properties about 4. I have a new kia sport age jeep too in my possession ....


now d demand for upkeep and school fees from these two kids is really eating me up...have to borrow pending wen tenants pay .late payment most times....

now I'm turn in between selling one of the houses I found out on code. 10million.just a small apartment....I know I can start life wit it.love most of the problems,look for more properties and complete the 6 bedroom duplex.... my question and fear is that should I sell it and start life or keep managing with tenant fee and late payment ..?

Go to a lawyer and explain all this things to him

You are likely to swear an affidavits lf things in you procession and the one you will want to sell and your reasons for selling anyone

You think her siblings are not going to ask you any future questions

Guide and protect your actions for your own safety when the needs arise

They will definitely come and confront you is not now very soon

kestolove95:
and who told u?

For the fact that you claimed to be a woman when you are actually a man shows that all is not OK

If his threat for you to pack out is becoming unbearable, just tell him to inform your parents

It's obviouse he is not interested in the marriage anymore

Just make up your mind if it really means that you have to pack out

Forget about the age threat, you can find love at any age

Your peace of mind and happiness is your priority now

Don't let him frustrate you the more

Even if you don't pack out, he will still marry another who fe as the religion permits

pharmagba:
I need to be blunt with you since you asked for my advice

You are not wise at all.
Look at the reason you are giving, that you are not praying regularly

Praying to God is a test of humility. A great man once said, "if I want to humble a man, I ask him how long he prays"
It simply means you are full of pride and very disobedient wife. You are even considering your marketability when you eventually leaves his house.
If things continue like this let me tell you what will happen, he will definitely throw you out of his life, not only his house and he will get a better lady and live happily ever after and you may also get a another husband who will also throw you out after some time. Why? Simple. It is because you will display your rotten character.


My advice if you really want to make things work
Be humble to your husband, respect and obey him. It is not to much to pray even if it is 100times daily. Any woman that humbles herself and respect her husband especially if the man is Godly, will always find favour with him. In fact such men will go out of their ways to satisfy and make her happy but if you don't respect him forget about getting any dime from him.
You have wasted so much time, start the amendment today. Thank God he had not told his parent.

A word is enough for the wise

This is not how to advice someone going through emotional pains

kestolove95:
Then leave na...must u tell us? Nonsense

Stop acting silly you don't know or have any experience of marriage

Even craze person dey get friend

Talk more of a drama queen

So the naming wasn't done in the usual eight days in yoruba culture

Congratulations

Them no get sense

Joel3:
what are you do pained?

Just read what you wrote and see if the English made sense

If you want to counter my post, correct your English then we go in for a debate

Gforce2015:
I agree with you... If I see any lady in this category, i fit marry am . .... But on the other hand, some of those single lady have character flaws, disrespectful, inconsiderate, ignorant, low self-esteem, wicked, etc...
We just have to be careful

Lol

cinoedhunter:
>: hope they will build a better one sha

They will build a better one but the price of the shops will scare traders off and it will be survival of the fittest

amarachi06:
I have been married for 6years without a child. it has been the worst time of My life to be married without a child.

Anytime we argue, he will shout at me with scorn and hateful words but he can never speak to his family members that way.

lf l try to talk with him over some issues or advice which will benefit us, he will shot me down, only for us to suffer later.

l have tried to Know my wrong to him but he doesn't wanna tell me. l am in deep pains cos he has told me "that anytime l want to leave, that am free to do so".

On Monday, he came back around 12am, and l was worried till that time. He came back without explaination and l asked him, whether l am that invisible to him, and his reply was "if l am tired, that l should leave". l now replied, "if l have a child, will you send us out?" he didn't say anything but l know that his attitude is cos of that.

The day l had my Last miscarriage was in 2016, and the tears l had in My eyes was not about my baby but knowing that l will Not be loved again by my husband.

l am tired! l almost went Into depression, and sucide, cos of his attitude to me. l don't Know how to handle him, cos my presence irritates him.

Please Sound advice.

My dear sister, keep talking to God, he knows and understands everything

As for your husband, have you guys done any test to ascertain if his sperm is alright

Well if it gets t a stage you can't bear any further, pls talk with yourself and stop dying in silence

Any day he ask you to leave his house, if you can pls leave before he kills you, meanetell your parents what you ate passing through

Forget about what people may say about you, once you ate alive and you have a living God, you will be alright

Your happiness is not guaranteed by staying with him, besides he might get another woman pregnant, don't allow that to bulge you

Don't kill yourself or die before you time, he must Bleep another woman

Pls your safety and happiness is your priority and when he his ranting, don't talk back to him all the time

Learn to do mid night prayers and tell God how you feel, speak out and report him to God and let him, your husband hear your prayers to God that you are reporting him to God, that alone can make a difference and you will experience peace of mind to handle pregnancy

If he packs you out of the house, pls go to your parents house, forget about the humiliation

DeluwaTalks:
Parties in a relationship candidly love each other before marriage.
Why would the same people result to physical or emotional assault?

Economic situation and stress of life

Joel3:
I live in a two story building that has a lot of flats and mini flat apartments.

everyone living there have partners or single mother living with children and young woman that bring in young jobless man to live with her.

we were only two that was living there single until the other young man bring in woman to live with him and remaining me. he is already calling her his wife when making reference to her, same thing with another guy living with a young girl with children who wanted to tempted me to sin with her the other day when no body was around.. the fact i like and love living alone sometimes I do feel bored which I will walk around to hang out in bar before returning home.

I'm not considering bringing any girl to live with me for now. but the fact I'm already in mid thirties I know there is not much time for me. my only saving grace was the fact I have baby face and fresh statues that makes me look like mid twenties. unlike my other neighbor brought in young partner to live together.

one of my other neighbor wife was telling me only not as a joke to go find a wife to live with me.

its not new and that's what I found common among guys, and once a guy start living alone the next thing is that he find partner or partner find him and they start living and before you know it they start bearing children and they called each other wife and husband even without legally married.

I for example I know how many girls that want that with me without considering the economic aspect or future that await the present, I for example is a very scaring guy because I have standard of our my live or living should be any short of that will take me to early to my ancestors.

Nigeria is one country where everything is done by faith. they never plan ahead even above 6 months or 1 year. and that's why when the pregnancy begins the real suffer and abuses starts.

my look matters to me. the food i eat my freshness and the clothes that I wear which should be uniform to my children and partner if need be. and anything that threatens that will consumed or destroyed me.

Whether you have a baby face or a toddler face, you don't have money to go into marriage and you are not prepared to face the challenges of marriage

You Have been praising yourself in your post just because it has not dawn on you that you are delaying yourself

Those women you Claimed that are ready to settle down with you even without proper marriage rights, do you think you are hot ?, why not pick one among them and do the needful if you think you are man enough

Yet, you are satisfied sleeping with them with your toddler look

Anyway keep waiting until those white Hair starts popping out

Kingrefreshed:
Very simple! Get another woman or even two more join with her for house.

Just like that ❓

And you think the man will survive it

As for the lawyer, he has cursed himself, so he will rot in jail and remain miserable before he frustrate more women

MrBrownJay1:
the above has nothing to do with single women and ALL to do with STOOPIDITY and DESPERATION

You won't understand or feel what single parents goes through either to get another man or to even remain single

and still cope

Gabson006:
Seems they were redeployed


Good day Nlander.
I have a relative whose surname is wrongly spelt on NIMC slip.
The centre has not issued the slip that contains NIN info. When she called their attention to the error ,they told him they will correct it later.
I just want to confirm is it possible for the NIMC staff to correct the name since they have not issued the one that contains NIN or she should start the process again in another centre without telling them.
Please I need your candid advice.

I will advise the person to ho to their office at Alausa, that's where most corrections are made after a certain amount is paid in the bank

Where they have issued the real copy or not, it has to be corrected now

harrikoko:
So my wife of 4 years and I decided to confess to each after things went a little sour in our marriage. She told me my friendly taunts that 'babe you're getting old oh, I am sure you aren't getting toasters again' led her to commit adultery. That she actually slept with her old crush who happens to be a lecturer in her former school last year. She told me she was going for a make-up job over the weekend last October, I even gave her money for transport and all. She still used my money to lodge herself and her married lecturer man friend in the hotel and got dicked. She said that was the first time and she regretted it. And that she stopped talking to the man right after the Bleep.

I also told her I had a side chick for about 6 months and had a couple of flings with other girls but quit all after my side chick said she got pregnant and wanted to start blackmailing me. And I later discovered the pregnancy was 'audio' she only just wanted money.

We both felt sorry and forgave each other, but my big question now is, if she dated someone right under my nose and I didn't notice, and she perfectly did it. plus she's this church kinda wifey.

Should I be worried? When she told me I almost fainted as I had always trusted her and could bet my life on it at any shrine she wouldn't do it.

Am glady tgat both of you opened up

She dud what she did out of frustration from the issues you guys had and you too you have been doing yours even before she did hers

Just try to be good with her and be loving too

Give her the attention she desires and her mind will find peace and happiness in you

Women in marriage flirts because their love is being toyed with

God has made men to love women so do your job and you will continue to trust her

Both of them are in the same class of madness

pappy2000:
I used to think marriage should be full of bliss. I have begged and begged her. but its all falling on deaf ears

Pls stop begging her, you are adding fuel to the burning flame

Once you stop begging her, her madness will be under control

pappy2000:
i wish i am still single the truth is that i explained everything to her and i told her how much i earn now i am pay 45% loan on the car, should i cancel the wedding or i continue

At your age, you shouldn't be a push over

Hold on for the marriage let's see if it what's the marriage

Sir her down and tell her your disappointment in her and see if she too will say she us disappointed in you

Be a man and face the delivery if her pregnancy

Don't fail to let her know that your take home has a limit to what you guys can afford

Some ladies expect men and marriage to be a rocket science

Stop crying, real men don't cry

If you cancel the wedding tell her you can't cope for now, use that period to evaluate the marriage

But if she is from mogi state and Igbra to be precise, tread with caution because juju they go message for them

There are some news you will read and you will become speechless immediately

IdioticNLmods:
And in Australia they want to pay women equal amount they pay men as if women go through this gory injuries.

We must protest, this is injustice and unacceptable.
Quick recovery to Gomez

Have you ever thought of what pains women goes through during child labour and delivery

When people that are single are advising married couples, it's like a virgin advising a pregnant woman how to make love during pregnancy

denko:
Careless mother looking for a scapegoat

How was the mum careless ❓

So does it mean that a child of 8yrs and 6yrs can't mind a child while there mum rushes out to get groceries

The children were just being naughty and it has cost them the life of their own siblings

franchasng:
A man that is daydreaming to be appointed as the Minister of Nigeria will bring down his ego to teach or nail a window net


I don't think you read the op's initial post and have a discerning mind to read who her husband is

That is the same problem holding some men back and keeping them stagnant

Pride and ego is the greatest problem a man will bring to him self

Point of correction, he is not waiting for ministerial post but he is a foot soldier looking up to his own person to become one and then he can be his aide

Uchechi20:
I just created a new account for this post, please i need mature advice. My husband has been so broke for years now, he never ever gets money if we have any emergency for my kids sickness, school fees, etc. He likes hallucinating about how he will be rich by getting one juicy political appointment cause he is into politics. Sometimes he hustles to just get food and it ends there(this does not come often), no basic needs like school fees etc. Before you judge me as not being supportive, i am not employed at the moment but i struggle and hustle the little way i can to assist in the house upkeep. I paid school fees, i even gave him a large some to add to our ongoing project but the money unfortunately didn't complete it.

Now our room window net spoit and there is a big bush just around the window. He is not doing anything about fixing the window net as usual, i didn't nag him. I just closed the windows permanently, but i noticed this morning that he opened the windows through out last night, same as the night before. My two children sleep on the same bed. He had to put us at risk like that just for ventilation sake without considering what could creep into our room.

Please i need serious advice on how to handle this, he collected all my savings to add to the project.
NOTE: He leaves the house everyday to come back very late, cause he still serves this political big guys yet there is nothing to show for it.

He doesn't have the money to get a window net, pls get a net and nail and give him to knack on the old one, even a lay man can do that

As for you the ones you can do, do it and the ones you can't do leave it

As fir your project hold on until you guys sort yourself out

Let him try teaching in ant near by school if that can make a difference

The people he is hoping or serving on pending when the politics will favour him are also hoping on the people in power to favour them before it gets to him

Once he us nit violent at home, pls endure, it will be alright soon

Steve28:
What was the police man doing there, is that his duty to put off fire?

Do you realise that the collapse building would have fallen on the crowd if he didn't controlled the crowd

Who gave this one authority to talk

They are out there to make money and nothing else

Out of every 10 cars 8 have issues

Why not face the yellow buses and trucks, if actually you want to work

Irelexicon:
This is the snake I killed in my room this morning, 5am, and another with the same colour and size at 11;58pm, what could exactly be the problem.

Is this attach to spiritual meaning, advice needed cos am packing out soon of the disgusting house.

Nothing spiritual about it.

That thing is baby snake and the mum hatched it but am surprised you saw two, which means it was hatched within the compound, pls look out for more and buy bitter cola and spread both in all rooms and out side the compound

Snake doesn't come around where bitter colas are kept