₦airaland Forum

megareal:
Truly, you just spoke to me. God bless you.

I'm glad dear

megareal:
Truly, you just spoke to me. God bless you.

I'm glad there

Lies , oh Lies, ohhhh Lieeeeeessss , oh Lieees
tun tun tun tun

Nairalanders grandpas and grandmas , over to you

lilmaydee:
I am 29 years old but if you see me, you wouldn't believe me, because I look like a 13 year old boy. People naturally disrespect me because of this. There was a time I and my nephew were living together, he is well built and as such dates ladies older than he is. So one day, a lady came to visit him, she met me at home and asked of him which I told her he wasn't around. Then she called him on the phone. But what pained me most was that she said " hello baby, I'm in your place now but I met one small boy who said you weren't around. My nephew had to call me back to apologized and also told her that that's his uncle oo, but the silly Lady just said how come he looks so small.
I can't approach mature ladies, for fear of being embarrassed. All these small girls, that I decided to ask out, after one week will begin to disrespect and cheat on me. Even employers do exploit me. I remember, one employer like that that said what does a small boy like me wants to do with money, just because I told her I can't accept the amount she offered to pay me. please how can I put on more weight and look more mature, that is, look my age, because people don't respect me a bit.

sorry dear

There's a guy on nairaland who went through the same thing you went through but now has the keys to unlock many ladies hearts
ilegend or iclef ( his two monickers)

He can mentor you on how to build your confidence and how to pick girls up. Just don't become a player when you learn everything.

for your weight gain use apetamin. It works.

it won't make you fat it would increase your appetite ×5

You must take if twice daily and eat up to 5- 6 times daily.

His other hopeful girlfriends right now

The worst thing anyone can do is look for a fight with someone in the gutter. He will drag you to his level.

Even the pastors freeze attack don't have his time, qhh should I bother myself. mtcheew

wow she began her career in '94 .. wow

Her first Christian album came out in '07 or 08 I think and all her albums been been hit back to back

This is a lesson to those struggling right now.
Never give up

Especially those who have been assured by God that the part they are taking is his will for your life

once your breakthrough comes, all the sorrows of yesterday will be forgotten.

jezuzboi:
It seems you didn't quite get the point in the write-up. If Lalasticlacla were to push this to front-page, you'd see that many women would be in agreement. Bro, things change. People change. It's better for a woman to develop herself and stand secure than just hope that the man will be a "REAL MAN" and do those things you mentioned. Life is too short for trials and errors.

you are partially right in some cases but its not fair to put all the blame on the lady

Many men actually dump the girl because when money comes they want a girl that befits their status.

Some even go for a slayqueen who openly rejected them when they were broke.
Some will marry the loyal girl and continuously cheat with the hot slayqueen that fulfils their fantasy

A man who truely loves a lady will try to help her grow before dumping her if she wants to remain static.

Marriage goes beyond achievements and status.

You can't buy true love with money
you can't buy loyalty with money.
support can't be bought with money

All these things will be obvious when a man is broke.

My advice for both men and women is to pray for God to reveal the true intentions of the heart of your partner before you waste time and resources with them and cry years later.

JustBeing:
Go on quora where practicing and certified psychologists, therapists and personality experts have an ongoing conversation on NPD. Read up on narssicists and narsiccitic relationships and you'll see they don't follow a set particular/behavioural pattern.

A narcissist will be anything he wants to be including remorseful, but the only clear pattern is they must put themselves first, at the expense of others...that's the only constant with them.

Your ideals to see the good in evil people is why good people get ensnared in the traps of people with the dark traid personality. Quit leading people on with such beliefs. Again go on quora, psychology.com plus other sites with loads on the dark traid personality and the first advise you read or hear is run! Where you're looking for the good sides, they're working their evil magic on you. Because, that your there is good and evil in everyone na fallacy, some people are just pure evil and every good you see is projected. Their ability to manipulate, mirror, charm is the good you and others see in them.

About being their victim, you're most likely to fall in that trap believing all people can be good and bad. I know better and knowing better means knowing some people have no good in them. Go and read accounts by peeps with diagnosed NPD. Read how evil and calculating a human mind can be. Read how sick in the head a person can be. Read how life is only about them.

A good person will not think about setting up a girl to break up with her, a girl he described as kind and supportive. Don't get me wrong, I'm all up for breaking up that relationship, it's doomed apparently.

Nobody here said anything about loving unconditionally. Married people too fall out of love. Nobody should marry someone they do not love but at what point did he discover he stopped loving her? I cant imagine he was with her for 5 years and it's just now he realised he doesn't love her. He should tell us the full story, did he meet someone new? Did he recently realise she's got flaws he may be fixated on? The OP is sneaky, there's more to it. Apparently he's a playboy from his other post or this story we're dragging back and forth na tales by moon light.

I'm done here jare, thank God I had this conversation with someone civil as i hate engaging in nairaland discussions to avoid insults. Have a nice day friend.

are you a lady?

LONEER:
believe me i perfectly understand how you feel, cause am in same situation, urs is even better, mine is just a selfcon. but dude will be bringing different girls everyday till it even affected my relationship. now have broke up with my girl cause she wasn't comfortable when she come visiting and we end up being four people in the room, some days i have to be sleeping on the floor just to got a nigga back . funny part is that he even has his own rented apartment. this is not even all Am tired.

looool

I can bet you all the money in my account that while your friend discusses your matter he laughs at you behind your back.




No one, I mean. no one , not even freinds respect a pushover

How were you even able to keep a girlfriend with this kinda attitude?
I might seem harsh but you need to sit down and do some sober reflections

How has this guy been of benefit to you

I don't mean being a drinking buddy, or helping you cover up for a wrong doing, chasing women together etx

I mean learning new things from each other, pushing you to be greater, supporting you emotionally and with wisdom in your down time, and even financial support even if it was a loan.

If you can't count up to five benefits this guy has brought that has impacted your life then you are just wasting your time

No friend who wants you to be great will treat you like this!
No friend who wants you to be great will treat you like this!!!
No friend who wants you to be great will treat you like this!!!!!


I repeated that thrice deliberately.

The only person I pity is your girlfriend.

Do you really think if it were the other way round he would allow you to do the same thing?

why don't you try it out first.
Go to his house unexpectedly with a rented prostitute. You can even brief the babe on what's up so she can play along

I bet you by your third visit he will cook up one excuse as to why you shouldn't come over again.

JustBeing:
Sure, that girl doesn't deserve to end up with him, I advised so too. But you stroking his ego and feeding him lies about not being 'a bad person' and calling others hypocrites for calling him out on his evil doing is my grouse.

Read up on narcissistic relationships and you'll see the patterns. This guy clearly used that girl and no one capable of such is a good person. People aren't objects to be used. Think of the girl, this guy isn't going to break up with her anytime soon, he'll keep using her till she either decides to move on cos she can't stand the uncertainty or he'll discard her in the worst way possible.

Either way think of the emotional trauma she'll go through from that. I've been there, no good person puts you through such especially knowing you love/d them.
Again people like the OP are skilled at manipulation so that part of feigning gratefulness but can't marry a girl he decieved for 5 yrs is clear manipulation.

off course he is still there for the benefits

but I doubt he is a narcissist

If he was one he wouldn't even create a topic on this issue.
if he was one he wouldn't feel remorse for setting her up

He might as well marry her and do away with her (after kids) as we see in movies

like I said to someone else I'm an avid researcher on human psychology

everyone has a good and bad side to them except those who suffer from mental disorder

No body is 100% pious and nobody is 100% evil

Circumstances in life are responsible for bringing out this aspect in us.

You wouldevil surprised to know that noble men who were epitomes of self sacrifice like ghandi and Mandela share the same personality type as Adolf Hitler
yes they were all melancholic phlegmatics or infjs

But the world will say Hitler was evil and Gandhi was noble .

do you know that some people who knew Hitler personally would say he was the sweetest man ever.
some would say Gandhi was wicked.

I hope I haven't confused you lol

I'm just someone who loves to look beyond the surface and consider every aspect before passing judgement


and yes I still hold that most people condemning hi. are hypocrites.

is it not eh same nairalanders that men encourage rape when they say "if she enter your house she must fVck " even if she doesn't give consent.
is it not the same nairaland that men continuously call women sluts
men who encourage their fellow men to cheat on their wives

go to joros blog, countless stories of girls who helped their boyfriends rise and got dumped. Fed him, house him, give him her savings to start a business ,help him get a loan etc only to be dumped when he made it

Tales of sad wives nko. when the husbands were out of jobs for years how they held the family together. only for him to make money and start cheating neglecting his duties.

Are all those men ghosts? or the same goodytwo shoes we that will still form Saints here on nairaland.

My best advice is for op to just stop wasting the girls time but forcing him to marry her is impossible.

Dating or marriage merely out of gratitude without love involved is a ticking time bomb that's why I'm not surprised when girls dump men who practically saw them through school to date a broke guy they love.

it is better you understand how human psychology works to avoid being a victim like the lady in the ops story.

I recommend for you and anyone else interested to digest Robert Greene's books

Unconditional love is a fallacy

HeliosHay:
How To Hire A Ghostwriter From Upwork

- Go over to upwork.com
- Create an account
- Follow the steps shown in the screenshots below (adjust accordingly for the subject of your book)..starting with clicking on the button "Post A Job"

The below screenshot was based on a publisher looking to write a 10,000 words book on "Relationship Advise For Men"

hello
if you are writing on business for example something like one of your books which is about the stock market. does ave to research and give summary to the ghost writer on what I want or can I trust him to do that. Will he have the expertise to carry out thorough research on what I want?

is your golf four still available ?

Must they end it with " you won't see husband bla bla bla" can't a woman choose to be decent for herself again?
Shows the commenter is more hypocritical than toyin.

she is only "decent " because of peoples opinions.

oil 50naira? are you for real?

op give me that money to cook soup and I will use it for eggroll and chilled Pepsi.

nonsense.

JustBeing:
See who you think is a fair person, such vile human being.

don't you think the girl will be lucky to be free from him?

I don't get why everyone is telling him to marry her. it will just be a marriage out of pity. Nothing more.

He is already detached from that relationship.

"I never wanted to marry her but friends and family pressurised me too and now we are sooo in love and happy together" said no one ever.

A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

Wiseandtrue:
It's doesn't! Try it, you will thank me later. It also has serum which you can mix with it.

The serum is optional.

Note: avoid imitation. It's expensive but it worth the value

does it lighten your skin?

They are all so beautiful are you sure they aren't actresses?

ElsonMorali:
Kindly put yourself, your younger sister, or your daughter in the shoes of this girl you are asking him to dump after sucking her dry for 5years.

I hope when Karma comes for him you will share it with him.

you are talking with emotions.
Im a woman.

My dear logically speaking g this relationship is a sinking ship


Are you advicing him to marry r out of pity ?

He will cheat on her. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

I'm an avid student of human. psychology

Never make a person feel like they owe you anything ( Robert Greene)
You might think they would be loyal. They see you as a burden.


When a woman is doing 95% of the spending in a relationship a man feels less than a man.

Men want to impress their woman. They want to feel they have conquered.

A woman responsible for her mans source of income will look like his mom in his eyes

That's what many women don't know.


forget karma , girls have to be wise and guard their heart.

you may think I hate the girl but I actually gave that advice because of her and their little kids.

A mans love comes from his ability to conquer and impress his queen.
A woman loves when she is cared for and her emotions understood.

if he marries her he will cheat on her and she will cry. He will cheat on her with a smaller poorer girl who will worship him when he gives her 10k or opens a shop for her mother.



she shouldn't have dated him.

she should have dated someone In her class who can impress her.

what does he want to do now that will impress her. if anything she will say he shouldn't bother because she is comfortable.

Wiseandtrue:
Patronize trusted stores! There are imitations
There are different variants but pick the white with carrots!
Here is what it looks like

Hello please,
do you use it? does it give strechmark ? how do you use it

ironically Jesus Christ was a black man as described in the book of revelations

so many wicked and evil men on nairaland

see them telling him to block the calls of a pregnant woman whom op willfully impregnated.

He is obviously protecting the main relafionship because his boss is richer.

wicked man

may God judge you if you abandon the lady.

raphretle:
Hmmmm.... Thanks so much that u understand me... I love this term you used : Glorified houseboy, that's exactly what is happening, they don't care about my own personal activities if they need my attention they expect me to just appear...
Not that I didn't love her, I loved her so much but I started feeling as if she is my sibling..cuz of how close I am to the family... It was not a planned something, I see her as a sister now

can you do business?
why don't you search for a better job or start a business.

When this is settled and you have full financial independence from her family you Can give the relationship a few months break. Not necessarily to break up with her but just reduce the calls and focus on your new job.

That way if you truely have love somewhere in your heart for the girl , it will be rekindled. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

If you marry her still serving her family YOU WILL CHEAT ON HER . You might even begin to despise her. Not because she reminds you of what she has done but because everyones body language expects you to be grateful

I don't think you are a bad person like everyone says. You have been honest so far in your story and you felt remorse when you set her up.

I also think you have falling in love with another woman. Which is OK. since you aren't married to this lady yet.

Let me tell you something op, don't mind this men on nairalanders coursing you. Most are hypocrites . Everyday, we hear girls crying of how they were there for their boyfriend and when he became rich he dumped them Tell me , are those boyfriends ghosts? not at all . The same men cursing you are guilty. Many cheat on their wives too.



The only thing I'll advice you not to do is waste the babes time

Marrying her out of guilt is a no no.
Both of you will regret it. Your kids too will suffer for it.

HigherEd:
Hmm I u understand why ministers of the faith movement, the likes of Hagin, Oyedepo and Copeland would thoroughly hate that line because most believe the redemption package doesn't permit Christians to be sick or poor in the first place. But the reality is that many Christians live short of God's desire for their divine health and financial prosperity. And you don't want a situation where marriages collapse because of money or health issues.

Therefore, that line though Unscriptural was a necessary innovation from the medieval church to bring marriage partners into a vow bound by death. To ensure that no one jumps ship when things get low - which in many cases it does. In doing so, the church has removed the option of divorcing your partner for circumstantial reasons and reinforced that it would not be part to relationships inspired by benefits only.

My reservation is when major ministries abandon that line it would further weaken people's commitment to lifelong marital covenants.

The only evil the church has been culpable in is not encouraging victims of marital abuse to separate from their abusive spouses - something the church must work on.

I agree with your argument and that of faith preachers.

However that vow na just for mouth

Many say it and still betray, cheat on, dupe and even kill their spouses later.

HeliosHay:
To your question..

1. You can negotiate rates with narrators but I usually pay $50 per finished hour for the best narrators.

2. My current earning is based on 43 audiobooks..it's taken me 2+ years to accumulate them. An audiobook in a good niche can fetch you atleast $50 per month (My best audiobook to date made me over $3000 in its debut month...sales sort of slow down after that)

3. I estimate it'll cost atleast $300 to ensure you're well positioned to earn income from audiobooks from Nigeria. After that, cost of writing a high quality 10,000 words book is atleast $120...formating/book cover design might cost another $30...you can hire a narrator and pay them to narrate your book or you can enter a royalty share deal with a narrator where you pay nothing but you share your royalty with them for 7 years on that audiobook (so cost of audiobook production can be $0)

To start seeing some consistent earnings from audiobooks you need to have atleast 5. Like i always say, this is a real business not a get rich quick scheme.

Back in 2016 I was earning $200, $300 etc. from audiobooks but I kept at it..I kept building up my portfolio..reinvesting profits. My earnings now is a direct result of the work I put in over the years.

If I can do it, anyone can.

are the contents of your audiobooks same as that of your e-books

Eagba:
cold and calculated is one way to describe you. but guy stop feeling fly. mctewww. just call the the lady talk to her let her know what you're going through n if she agree to quit it good, if you guys can talk it through on how to move forward and make adjustment on loving n living together, good. you've no legal and moral right to leave her. you sold yourself into the arrangement when accepted goodies for five years without having the moral justification or gut to say no then.
op the major part of the problem now is that you're having a mental block and almost nothing we say can get you to love her easily. work on that.

there is obviously another woman or other women in the picture

xilixr:
Dear Niralanders, i could use your help here.
I manage the stores department of a chemical firm in benin city. The fuel attendant who also happens to be my pastor was on night duty. It happened that while pumping into the tanks from the diesel truck, he slept off and the diesel spilled allover the place. The company has lost approximately 2200liters of diesel. This morning i had to fire him because the auditors and management were waiting to see my reaction on the matter. I have covered for him on many occasion of late coming. Now i am troubled. I don't know what to do. How do i face him in church on sunday? pls help.

your first mistake was mixing business with personal stuffs
what did you expect?

How where you able to give him instructions as a superior ? It was a ticking time bomb from the get go

And then you had to lie on his behalf again
what kind of a pastor is that?


You don't have a problem. if you feel you will be uncomfortable there, just change churches

God is everywhere, your legs aren't tied to one church.

raphretle:
I have dated this lady for 5 years now, we are still dating.. we met during our undergraduate days, she has been a good person to me, very kind and supportive..
Here is the problem : All her family members know me.. Infact am like a son to them cause they do call on me for errands that need quick response, Infact her uncles(her dad is late n her mum got married) trust me wt money than her brothers ..Cuz she stays with her uncle..

After my NYSC, her uncle helped me secure a job with the highest academic Institution in Nigeria (NIPSS) ... Now they expect me to marry their daughter but to be frank I don't love the lady... I don't know how to just make her go away. I just want to avoid been controlled by her family, ... I tried to set her up so I could have something to hold on for the breakup to avoid her family's anger and any form of guilt.. but I end up pitying her and forgive her instead... I know they tried for me,i owe them alot..But how to get rid of her in an honorable way is what I don't know.....
You can call it wickedness if you like,but just give me the advice I need..
Ladies and Gentlemen Help a brother...

My dear marriage is a life time journey
too long for you to marry anyone out of pity.

The best thing is to breakup with her and deal with the consequences like a man
personally I understand you. don't let nairalanders make you feel guilty

No man wants to owe any woman anything. it emasculates him. Especially when he is a glorified houseboy like you have become.



Its even easier for women to do this than men

too much expectations destroys love. Love thrives on fantasy. keep the fire of fantasy blowing and the person will do anything for you. Bring them back to reality and they will be bored.


but my question is when you were sexing her all through five years were you in love with her or what? why wait this long to pull out?

Its not fair on the girl but I'll advice you get another job or business and let her move to a man who loves her.

frank317:
He needs to have a good explanation for the sake if tomorrow. That's his best friend we are talking about and I am sure there is a reason why the other guy feels comfortable bringing his chicks to the house.

This is a man's thing, he must act with his brain and not heart like most women do.

I remember years back when I was serving. This loving roommate of mine always brought his girl to the room (our beds are close). I liked my roommate but didn't like the fact he brought his girl in most night.

I reacted to this and this had an effect to our relationship. Looking back I wished I had just let things go because I really didn't have reason to be angry but for jealousy (which I even denied to myself)

The Op can't just say he does not like this guy bringing his girl for nothing. Perhaps he wish he was the one having the girls. Perhaps chicks do not fall for him (despite doing better than his friend) like his friend.

If it's washing stains, ask the guy to make effort to keep the bed neat. He is ur friend, don't let woman palavar spoil thinks.

And pls go out a little... U only live young once.

that was your roommate , both of you had equal interests in the room w d no offence your inability to over look as you rightly said was jealousy

but this is a squatter for goodness sake.

I'm sure he is even telling the girls that he owns the house and the owner is a squatter
He deserves whatever is coming to him

I cant believe my eyes
at least the driver Wont share his seat with a passenger

sorextee:
Guy, don't say what u don't know.. except if u went to a private uni. In my skool, if u like, be smarter than Adam Smith. . U write ur exam, and u re very sure of what u wrote.. result comes out, u see a D or E..

In my department, it's ur course mate that is marking ur script, just becos he's an errand boy to d lecturer.. they tell u to pay 30k before they give u B.. I had missing script twice in CSC 200.. and missing script is same as carry over.. u write a letter to d skool senate, it's d same evil lecturers u see there..
let me just stop here.. our education system is messed up

which school is that?