₦airaland Forum

akanbi3: Please I need an advice. Someone asked me for a view on this matter: His friend who is Fashion designer and a SSCE holder is in a relationship with a lady who will be finishing her Ph.D programme in few months time. The man is asking if he should continue with the relationship or not as the relationship is gradually going to another deeper level. He feels he may not be compatible with the lady latter on due to her academic status and her circle of friends. What advise do you have for him. Thanks

@op, nothing bad, if the graduate accepts, no problem, but in this your friend's case, im suspecting fowl play, forgive me if im been to harsh.

things im seeing here are

...........that lady in question might have already be of age, and she thinks "let me quickly grab this one".......ie shes already frustrated and desperate as well, a marriage of frustration and desperation.
............that lady in question might be too proud to submit to a man, especially a man who is almost at the same cadre with her, hence, looking for a man she can "lord" over, a man she can control, a man she can treat like a houseboy, and if this is the case and your friend end up marrying her, he is on a long thing.


However, some women do it without any hidden agenda, most times, some women do it out of prophecy that the man is her ordained husband, and they accept their fate.

Meanwhile, in any of the case, if the man is loving and lovable, confident, has self esteem, ready to upgrade himself academically and can stand on his feet when taking decision, then, he can cope, but i doubt if ALL that type of marriage can last till the end.

slimyem: "Have you put a ring on my finger?" Good question,I tell ya!

Op, you can't stop her from having other admirers and propositioners..can you? After four years,what are you still waiting for?
IMO, she wanted you to see the chat and message. She could have wiped them off if she had something to hide.
She's telling you slyly that she could give someone else a chance anytime from now. Tick tock tick tock!
You had better grab your copy now!!

seriously, i dont really like this long courtship stuff jare, most usually end up with "had i known" or "oh God" thing,


so, @op, make hay while the sun shines, 4 damn years is too long, act!

Do you trust her If yes, half of your question is answered.


4 years relationship That is enough to know each other well, but from your amazement/surprise, it seems you both have not really got involved in REAL communication that have to do with marriage and yourselves. Go back to her and ask her the meaning of that her statement or rather that her question......."have you put ring on my finger".....it has a lot of meanings and she is the only one who can tell you what she really meant. Apart from that, ask questions that has to do with you both, that will show a kind of seriousness from your side, not only laughing and gisting and leaving the important aspect which is REAL COMMUNICATION. In other words, ask questions and questions and questions.
Questions like........
1. How many kids do you want us to have.
2. Will you like us to have joint account after we got married.
3. What is your perspective as regards my church or mosque(whichever applicable).
4. When should we do our wedding.
5. What type of wedding do you want us to have....low key or otherwise.
6. What type of house should we live in, a flat apartment, or a duplex or......
ETC........
Questions like these put a rest of mind in place, it shows how serious you are about the relationship, it shows you are planning together.


And my guy, if you are really serious about this relationshio, and you have the means to settle down, please, do, she might be thinking you are wasting her time, as for me, 4 good years is even too much, so, what is holding you back, do you have some reservations about her If you really love her, stop wasting your and her time, you dont have to become a Dangote before you get married. You can both plan your life and your resources as it requires, just make sure you have a regular income.
May God help you both.

J E S U S!!!

None of you posters above have answered the op's question, he discovered that each time the wife knows her hubby has money or he is opened to his wife as regards the amounnt of money he has, na to "spend all" level she day,ie, she will spend everything without planning for the future, the op is now asking if its right for him to hide money from her since she is not the prudent type.

To answer you question......
@op, if your wife is the "spend all" type, then, you have to apply wisdom, before you declare all the money you have, make sure you have saved some for the rainy season, so that, there wont be "biting of fingers" when the need to spend on necessary things arise.
BUT
If shes the prudent type, its better to be open with and to her, it even helps in planning for the family, since she knows what is available, she wont demand for what she knows you cant afford.

May God uphold your home.

Really thank God for her.

speedyboi: It has to be Channels, then silverbird. NTA too.

Why? Their picture quality is so so poor.
And for a person like me; once the picture is not clear, I'm not interested in anything they wanna communicate.

NTA has improved in picture quality anyway (not excellent), but still lacks good programmes.

check your TV or your antenna, if you are using one.

"Oro gbogbo kii se lori alabawun"


PEJ here, PEJ there, is she the first to become the First lady of Nigeria
abeg, someone to help me tell her that shes becoming boring and that shes allowing oppositions to have something ill to always say about her, shes making the headlines daily, but on negative side.

jeffizy: May the Lord grant him his heart desires.
I wish there can be a solution to this. . Pity!

long time, how you dey

married2awizard: yes I recently started thinking of ending it all
I have 3kids and I am married,my husband hits me,hates me,tells me I am bad in bed,and my food is tasteless,same food and sex he enjoyed before married has become bad to him.He is broke now so I spend for the home.
I have an embarrassing issues healthwise that seems to have no cure.
How long can I continue to love a man that hates me?everyone says you have to stay in your marriage for the kids.ibo men are the most heartless men ever,no sympathy or empathy in their dictionary just their dirty ego and empty pride,their wife means nothing and their family means evertyhing.

I cant go on

first of all, dont involve tribalism in this, tribe differs, personality differs, your hubby might not be nice, but not because of his tribe, its due to so many factors like his his upbringing, belief, personality, etc, but his tribe is not included.

@op, instead of ending your life, why dont you look beyond that, and go for a break from the marriage for a while, the break might be used to reflect on some issues you are facing in your marriage.
An abusive marriage is a no no, therefore, im not asking you to stay in one, but you can separate for a while to correct some abnormalities, and if its not correctable, then, let the marriage be, your life is more important than that marriage.
Also, consider your kids, do you want them to suffer? no, i guess, so, its not over until its over, never, i repeat NEVER, think of suicide again, there is still a better future ahead of you, you are still going to eat and enjoy the fruit of your labour on your children, so, buckle up and enjoy life, even, if it has to be as a single parent.
May God be with you and see you through. Amen.

chukzie2002: i woke up this morning only to find out that i was soaked,i thought it was a nocturnal emission,but it real bed wetting.As i am writing this message i av not got over the shock and surprise.

chill up! You cant kill yourself now, abi Just observe what you did yesternight that could have resulted to it and avoid it henceforth.
Life continues.
It is well!

kellyken2: please i need help from elders that has been into marriage for years. please can i make love to my husband after and during ovulation. and it wont affect my chance of been pregnancy. or should i wait until my menstra period is due. im confused and my husband need sex badly. please help and save my marriage.

During ovulation or during menstruation


If its during ovulation, that is the best period to do it, especially, if you want to be preggy, but, if its during menstruatin, it depends on you and your hubby, if he or you or both of you can stand the unmentionable ugly and seemingly dirty experiment there, however, i dont think it has anything wrong to do with you being pregnant.

Sincerely wishing you goodluck.

Talk of wierd things..................but, i just hope the python wont swallow the little boy when hungry........God forbid, but im scared

princesammmy: niger my country

"niger" no be your country, na "naija"

When have they declared/announced surplus cash since the inception of GEJ's administration

Mtcheeeeew

BekeeBuAgbara: Did the 'progressive' Acn/Cpc senators oppose this? Tomorrow the same opposition and their supporters will be accusing GEJ of being the problem of Nigeria.

abeeeeeeg.....chill!!!
They are all the same.........CPC o, ACN o, PDP o, APGA,o........., they are all selfish, they are all there for their selfish interest, not for anyone.
Anyone of them that condemns GEJ is only being unfair to him and untrue to the populace.

Lol....... And the drama continues.....

Havard family!!

Im aint expecting anything less from her.
May God continue to bless her and all of us

Lol.......... And the drama continues.........

These senators are damn selfish, if its salary increment for workers now, they wont oblige.

SMH..

Indeed, no human government have people's interest in mind before seeking for political power, they are only clamouring to be there for their own interests.

Citizens, BEWARE!

Life pension for those who will serve the country for 4-8 years and no pension for those who will serve the country for 35 years.....


WTF

No any advice anyone can give you than for you two to amicably and understandingly separate yourselves. Each of you shall find other suitors meant for each other.

And for you, op, no one is indispensable, you can always find the right partner, if you yourself make yourself a right partner.
It is well....


Oh! I remember Abali

Abali, where art thou Come and advise this guy o

slimyem:
He even has a wife!

i wonder too........but, like.....matchmaking thing, its good, though......

This is a clarion call for us to always be thankful to God, no matter our condition.


I pray that his child does not look like him o, so that his joy will be full.

Sincerely, if it wasnt a big deal before you guys got married, i wonder why it has suddenly become an issue/a big deal now.

And the fact is that, none of you really took your religion serious before your marriage, if not so, the two of you wouldnt have married each other in the first instance, i think one should know and be firm with what he/she wants in the opposite se..x before such a person can be considered marriageable, well, the bed has been laid............it has to be lied on the way its been laid.
May God uphold your home.

If what the op wrote here is true, its just a reminder that..... "isale oro, o legbin".

Most times, we wish to be wealthy or rich like someone, but we never knew the root of the wealth, people can do anything to get rich, if they are desperate to, so, @op, nothing new.
And as for informing the wife, how are you sure the wife is not even a party to the deal?

My prayer is that God should please continue to protect us and our children from those money ritualists, who doesnt mind shedding innocent blood for them to be wealthy.

Does that mean Havard University is solely established/set up for the her family


On a serious note, im not expecting anything less than that.
May God continue to bless them and all of us.

The fact is that, that man should have discussed this issue with his wife when they were still dating, trying to suddenly stop the wife after marriage is like when he deceived the woman into marrying her, knowing fully well that, there is something about her that he didnt like.
Personally, i dont like someone like that.
Maybe, i should use my own as example, i was trained/raised by my mum, who believes that women who wear trousers are ungodly, hence, not used to wearing of it, but when we(hubby and i) were dating he told me he would like me to be wearing trousers, i told him that my mum would bury me alive if i try it, so, he waited till we got married and the first set of wears he bought for me had so many pant trousers, 3/4, shorts(knickers),etc. Initially, i was not comfortable with them, so, he asked me to be wearing it at home, and even then, each time i hear the sound of a knock at our door, i would quickly ran inside to cover the short/trousers with either a skirt or wrapper before coming to open the door for the visitor, but as time goes on, with hubby's encouragement and admiration, i got used to it.


So, @op, tell your friend to adopt that system instead of coarsing/enforcing/commanding, etc the wife as if he was blind when they were dating.
May God help him.

My God is a merciful God!!!
I believe in Jesus, He is the way, the truth and the life, but, i dont believe in all these type of rubbish preaching that portray my God as a wicked God.