₦airaland Forum

If this story is true, then, im sure they(landlord and brother) already know what their ends will be, because, chai, karma no dey die ooooo.
May God help us all.

You should have told her before you did it, if she had objected then, then, dont do it, and now that you have done it and she seems not to like it, remove the picture. Infact, you should have known what will go well with your wife and what will not, so, its uncalled for to delibrately do what you know she wont like, so, i will advise that you remove the picture for the sake of your marriage.
Small small issues like this should not be allowed to be causing uproar in one's marriage.
It is well with your marriage.

TO THE MARRIED........ If, while dating, your partner confessed/opened up/disclosed to you to be infertile, due to one reason or the other, would you still go ahead and marry him/her?

TO THE YET-TO MARRY(THOSE THAT ARE ALREADY DATING)................... If your fiance/fiancee confesses or opens up to you that he/she is infertile, will you still go ahead and marry him/her?


Inasmuch as it is very essential to open up ALL OLD WOUNDS before tying the knot, i still want to believe that it takes a good conscience and strong faith in God with absolute trust in the other person before one can open up such a sensitive secret of one's life, but that does not mean its not necessary, because, if one doesnt, the consequential result might be more destructive than when it has already been dealt with before marriage.


As for me, i really dont know, no doubt i love my hubby, based on me personally, i might still go ahead and marry him, but, will i be able to withstand the pressures of having my own children from parents, the society and other ugly things like rigorous adoption process, the guilt that may probably follow using donor sper m, etc that may later surface in the future of the marriage. Its quite a difficult situation, but, i wish to know, can you?

Yes, we all know that, procreation is not the only reason for marriage, and of course, there are other ways of having one's children like donor sper m and adoption, but, can one really cope with the fact that one is medically and "fertilitically"(lol, if there is that english) alright, but still wont be able to be his/her biological child/ren, because of the other person's fertility problem?
Lets share and learn.
Thanks and God bless.

@op, may God guide you through this difficult/trying period.
I can really feel for you, and even reading some of your posts brought out tears from my eyes, by God's grace, you will still be happy, your needs shall be met accordingly IJN.
How i wish im in position to help out, but, mehn, i cant, but, God can, i believe in Him and He will, in whatever form He want.


And as for the "holier than thou" folks here, it would be advisable to be in this position before casting the first stone, because we all read it here that the foundation of the marriage was based on DECEIT, so, its clearly obvious what the op is undergoing.
It is well with all of us.

Very unfortunate im on this thread very lately, but i will still drop my bit.


Its really really sad at this story, both op and her husband are going through real tough time, i really feel for them, its a real cross they are bearing, its quite obvious that the man did not really disclose his identity as per his infertility problem to the woman before marriage, but, is it really easy for him to have done that, in the real sense of it, may God help them out at this real trying times of theirs.


@op, what you want to do basically lies with YOU,you know what you want and you are the only one who can decide for yourself. However, from my human eyes, i can only see 3 options available for you and they are.......
1. Forgive your hubby and accept it as your cross and carry on with faith, ie continue to stay with your hubby and be expecting miracle, and if there is none, live happily with it.
2. Go for adoption,
3. Divorce legally and remarry in order to have and raise your own children.

These are only from my human eyes, o may God be with you at this critical time and my prayers for you and your hubby.

[quote author=2s£xy]Heart attack? Just like that?

This is a clear case of murder. They have killed him before his time.

Una well done o.[/quote]Nigerian!!!
who are the "they" that killed him before his time
Was he assassinated If not, we dont have any reason to say he was killed.
I hate the assertion that someone is killed, anyone that dies have had his time up, its high time we disengage ourselves from this type of belief that someone is killed by somebody.
May God help us all.

[quote author=slim fit ]we know it wasn't and ordinary death.[/quote]why do we always think like this, it baffles me when someone dies and people start saying the death isnt an ordinary death, why? Anyone that dies, IMO, got his time up, we should try and stop all this "won paa ni".
May God help us all.

This death thing eeehn, na wa o.
All of us are going to die anyway, but,God, please grant us long life to enjoy the labour of our hands.

May his soul rest in peace and may God console his family, especially his aged mother.

My sincere heartfelt condolence to his wife, son and the aged mother. May God give them the fortitude to bear the loss.

May his soul rest in peace. Amen,

Thanks @op, hopefully, this is going to help.

What is suicide attempt?
Suicide attempt simply means an attempt to kill oneself or to take one's life.
Being suicidal means to have the feeling of taking one's life.
What can make one feel suicidal?
1. Frustration, when one is frustrated, whether at home, in the family, at workplace, in one's marriage, among friends, one may be tempted to commit suicide, if there is no one to support or encourage.

2. Depression, when one is depressed, it means one's spirit is down or not lifted, and if care is not taken, such a person can be suicidal. Feeling depressed is a psychological problem, hence counselling and psychariatric treatment is advisable, before it degenerates to being suicidal.

3. Self pity, the feeling that you are the only one in a particular problem and that everyone has to sympathise with you can lead one to being suicidal, especially, when there is no one to sympathise with you.
4. Disappointment, when one is dissapointed by a very trusted friend, partner, relative or child, one may feel suicidal in order to permanently prevent repeat of such occurence.
5. Feeling unloved, when one feel unloved by those whom he really loves, its a feeling of rejection, it can make one feel suicidal.
6. Rejection/abandonment by one's folks/friends can also be a cause.
7. Admittance/acceptance of failure, many people dont really understand the concept of failure before they admit or accept that they are failure, and once that acceptability is there, it may degenerate to being suicidal.
And many others.

Solutions/preventive measures to eliminating suicide attempt.
1. Never compare yourself to anyone, we are distinct/different as individuals, with different capacity, ability and purpose.
2. Remember that everything happens in its time, ie, God's time is the best, some are to make it in the morning of their lives, while some, at noon and some at dusk time of their lives.
3. Always remember that, no matter what you are passing through, some other people must have also passed through it before you, and some others will still pass through it after you, the world celebrates the winner, not considering what the winner might have passed through before he becomes the winner, so, winners dont quit, if you want to be remembered as a winner, dont kill yourself, because you can never win in the grave.
4. Never put all your trust in a fellow human being, it is only God who never disappoint, anyone, regardless of who they are can disappoint.
When you feel depressed, sad, unhappy or disappointed or at a crossroad of life., talk out, talk to people, seek advise, seek counselling, meet with people, read about great people who have passed through similar situations.
5. Never think that without someone, you cant make it, no human being is indispensable, its only God that is as strong and reliable as a rock, believe in Him and believe in yourself, think positive about yourself, because, as a man thinks, so is he. If you believe you can, you can.
Above all, remember that God can NEVER tempt us beyond what we can bear, and when we are tempted, He will make a way of escape for us(1cor 10:13).
God bless us all.
It is well with all of us.

If Mrs Tinubu happens to be the next governor, who will then be the First Lady, or are we going to have First Man= Former Governor Tinubu

salamudeen: @ all Advisers on NL am very lucky cus am in the hospital now a neighbor of mine saw this post and ran quickly to my Parents before they could say anything am already on the edge of death thanks NL for helping me out am very lucky am still alive cus am seeing people cases that are more what am complaining of.

Thank you all once again am very grateful..

With all those that called and mailed me am very happy am still happy infact too happy 2 be alive...

Thanks once more

Thanks for the care

but why, why, why, you dont need that, anyways, thank God for His protection on you, you now have reasons to thank God and hopefully, you wont dare it again.

After leaving the hospital and you are medically okay, make sure you are always engaged, an idle hand is the devil's workshop, im sure if you are busy doing something worthwhile, you wont have time to engage in this type of thought. I wish you speedy recovery and deliverance fron evil thought, and dont forget to apologise to your parents for dissapointing them, in terms of your attempted suicide mission.
It is well.

salamudeen: Morning Nairalander's. My name is Abdulsalam my friends call me Salamudeen while most of my class mate that knows me better call me CODED just because if its anything about computer troubleshooting u can count on me...


The reason y am posting this is I just woke up this Morning before my morning prayers I started thinking of different suicide acts coming to mind I couldn't even go to the mosque I have to pray @ home as I can't talk to anybody.


All this is caused by too much thinking since 2010 after my secondary school wen I couldn't secure admission into the university infact even d dullest guy in ma class is now in 300level doing his IT in my home town I keep on weeping seeing him in a distance from afar... Am among the best in ma class without any flaws in my WAEC.


The first jamb I wrote was @ 2010 which I scored 198. I choosed engineering course @ FUTMiNNA but as for then the Cutoff for engineering was 220 I couldn't gain admission and my parent refused me to go for rems or poly. So I hv to stay @ home for a complete year with the only thing that kept me busy was the 2010 general election which I partake the whole exercise from voters registration to the final election that was what kept me busy as @ that time..


The second jamb I wrote was @ 2011 which I scored 218. I still applied for the same thing but all to know avail and I was even refused for any ijmb or rems not even poly I just kept quiet ...

The third jamb I wrote was @ 2012 which I scored 220 unfortunately I did nt choose FUTMINNA this time I choose IBBU LAPAI. I refused to enter for the online screening which I was told its not necessary by my bros in the school as @ then but which later turn out to be the reason I was unable to get admission in 2012. All effort was proof abortive by the VC.. I then asked my parent to allow me go for IJMB or Poly cus we don't knw hw next year would be they refused telling me to keep calm that all those are waste of time that I should just write jamb once and for all I kept quiet through out 2012 I started thinking backwards doing bad things like chasing girls,many bad things you know I can't even countrl my self not until 2013.


When I wrote the 2013 jamb all my hope was on 200 plus cus I was so prepared not until jamb released only one of my subjects when I first checked my result and I saw 42 as aggregate score I fell to the ground and was rushed to the nearest clinic. Few weeks later I tried checking it again I saw 173 as aggregate which I can do nothing with it @ any uni in Nigeria.
Just last Month the general cutoff mark of the university was released,
After my dad seeing this he woke me up early in the morning and told me " hope hv seen the general cutoff is 180 since u r not upto that I think you would hv to go for poly" I was about weeping out tears and looking @ him but I just hv to clam my self down ,


my reply to him was
OK if dats is the case .
Now the reason why I came 2day seeking for advice on what to do is that I hv started thinking of the whole thing about suicide I don't mind dieing 2day cus the whole thing is too much like thinking from morning to night if you see me 2day u would regard me as an HIV patient or a very sick person cus I don't even like eating anymore dats y am tiny like broom 2day but am strong and ok.



MY OWN NOW IS

I NEED ADVICES B4 it turn out to be suicide note cus Wallahi am serious

My contacts just incase
08152686868
08162908442
Fsalam7@gmail.com

Thanks Nairaland for keeping me busy always

abeg, suicide is not the next option, remember its not everything one wants in life that one can get, also, remember that man proposes, God disposes.
There are so many other options for you, like.....
1. You can go to Noun(Nigeria open University).
2. You can go for professional computer courses.
3. You can go to polytechnics, after your ND programme, take a direct entry form to the University, you will start from year two there.
4. You can even go for another course entirely, (ori lo mo ibi tom ba ese lo).
Dont be discouraged, its good as you speak out and you have received a lot of encouraging words here. Get closer to your God, believe in Him that he has better plans for you, even better than your own plans, hes not a dissapointing God, free your mind and believe solely on Him, He will direct your path, and also, always pray against evil thought, and make sure you are always in the midst of positive-oriented people.
God bless you.
It is well.

Gudintent: 20yr old in SS1

i thought im the only one who saw this.

Does that mean ovarian cancer is hereditary

Chai!, may God have mercy on us.


May God comfort the great actor o and may the dead rest in peace.

@firsttimer, infact, i have been thinking about this your hubby &BIL matter since yesterday, no thanks to my internet service.
Well, why dont you adopt this approach then, since your hubby refuse to understand that he is now married and that you deserve a privacy in your home.

During his(hubby)good mood, just call him, honey, i want to see you for a serious discussion, but the discussion will have to be in the living room, after giving you audience, also call your BIL that you want to see him for a serious discussion in the living room, when all of you(the 3 of you)are now set, apologise to your hubby for this type of meeting and tell them that there is a reason for this meeting, table your grieviances in a very humble and respectful manner, first thing is that, you have to be strong, brave and confident, dont allow corwadice at all. For example, you can say, honey, i have been telling you a lot of things your brother is doing in this house that is not going well with me, but i discover that you have not told him hence, your brother have not changed, but its killing me inside, so, since you cant tell him, im telling him now in your presence that he should please stop doing so and so and so in this house,(itemise everything the BIL is doing that you dont like), tell them you know that both of them are older than you, but you want to beg your BIL not to look at your age, but your status, tell them together how you want things to change direction, for example, bro so-so, anytime you want to take something in the bedroom, pls, tell me and i will go and bring it out for you, i dont want you to be entering my private room again, i deserve my privacy, and also, pls, be using your own bathroom, because our bathroom is where i do spread my undies, which you dont have right to be looking at, because, once i see you looking at my undies, i feel like you and your brother are both seeing my private parts, etc. In a very humble and respectful manner dont raise up your voice and not in a sobbering manner, state all your grieviances and proffer other ways(solution) you want events in that house to unfold henceforth.
Please, wake up, stand strong and take over your house in order to avoid opening season 3 of this thread, remember, drastic situation requires drastic approach to get drastic solution.
May God help your home.

Its one of the things me and hubby have decided to do, once they get to 18years old, they would be bought a car each, it will help to ease their movement and also helps to reduce our own stress, plus, i dont want my children to suffer the way i suffered while in school.
"aye ti esin o le je, o ye ki iru idi e le je"
May God help us.

ileobatojo: , I could kiss you for these statements!!

OP, you better wake up!

thank you jare my sister.........oju to ba dile no rore(ant) nso.
@op, set boundaries, stick to them and never be a coward in YOUR OWN HOUSE. Let him go and find a job doing, tell your hubby to empower him in one way or the other, his joblessness is causing a nuisance, abeg, its neuseating, an able bodied man, watching africa magic station thruout the day, chai, i don hear "wen" for NL

byvan: Didn't you date this man?

my sister, lets face reality here, while dating, there is less she could do, while dating, she couldnt tell her fiancee not to allow his brother to live with him, but after marriage its the man that is suppose to have put a limit to whatever their relationship is by setting boundaries. My hubby is a complete gentleman, but one of the occassions that can make you hear his voice is when im disrespected by anybody, he gets outrightly mad with the person, but since the op's hubby cant do that for her, she better fight for herself, before they both turn her to a total stranger and mumu in her house.

bennyraz: chai.. balogun! jagunlabi sangogbenro men go fear fear.. see overloaded wahala

its not about fear fear, its about setting boundaries, its about maturity, its about principles, its about not pretending, its about speaking out, its about respect for one another. In my hubby's family, Holy spirit is my witness, they all love me, thay respect me, i respect them, they are so nice to me and im lso nice and respectful to them, they are wonderful people, but they know their boundaries, however, they know that im a no nonsense woman, and even, thank God for their likes except few of my hubby's cousins who overstepped their boundaries and i confroted them, and even before i confronted them, my hubby already told them that he can tolerate nonsense from them, but he would never allow anyone to disrespect his wife, so, when she comes, whatever she dishes you in form of words, you deserve it all, since then, they have been respecting themselves.
The fact is that people know how to ask you for BS, its left to you to reject the BS, and if you dont reject it the first time, you are on a long thing.
@op, i have said it before in your previous thread(season 1 of this) that you are the cause, if you have rejected firmly the first time, im sure there wont ever be need for this type of thread, i tell you. So, you better wake up and deliver yourself.
@bennyraz, im not a bad person o, im not teaching her to disrespect anyone o, all im saying is that, there must be a stop to this BIL craziness. And in all sincerity, can you do what this crazy BIL is doing to the op to your SIL, be sincere.
May God help us all.

Yes, silent treatment may not look good but it is advisable to keep quiet for while especially when angry than to utter unseasoned words. I, particularly prefer not to talk for some hours when im angry than for me to utter some statements that will be quoted or made reference to in the future, "words are like raw egg, when you utter them in the presence of someone, you can deny uttering them again", so, its better for me to keep quiet for the main time and continue with my usual things, until im cooled down, when i will be able to calmly express my feelings, but, one thing im sure of is that, it(the silent treatment) wont go beyond a day.
May God help us all.

@op, how old is this your BIL, does he not have work?. The guy doesnt even have anything to do in your bedroom at all, the bedrom where you and your hubby usually do the do, abeg, i cant take it, let me be honest with you, apart from my kids when they started coming, no one has ever entered our bedroom, that is our private room for goodness sake, tell him you dont want him in your bedroom anylonger and when his brother(your hubby) comes back from work, tell them together that you dont want him in your room anylonger, if he wants to take something there, he should tell you and you will go and bring it for him, tell them straight to their faces that, that is where me and your brother have to ourselves to perform our conjugal duties, so, he should respect that, unless he want to be a party to it..... Period.
Sincerely, as far as im concerned, you are too lenient with both of them,(your hubby and BIL). Im very tolerant, but i dont give a damn when it comes to continous nonsesnse. Abeg, talk sense into his brain, not with a loud voice or when angry, for example, when fighting for remote control, just tell him, "na wa o, how many wives does this man have in this house, or bro so-so, you funny o, you are here fighting for remote control with me and your mates are in their workplaces, o ga o."etc.


And as for your husband, tell him how exactly it is with you, no need to fear, he is your husband, tell him you dont like the way he shares his clothes with his brother, that, its a disrespect to you as his wife, he can dash him the clothes and get other sets of clothes, and he should at least respect you, if he cant respect himself.
Also, as for your private things like your purse or your bag, tell the two of them at the same time, that you want your private things to remain private and that you dont want anybody except your hubby to touch such things in the house again, say it to their faces, so that, it wont be like, you are an hypocrite or you dont like him(BIL). Also, tell your hubby that dating time is different from marriage, that there are some things you could overlook while dating but with marriage, you cant....etc.
Remember, if you are not firm with this issue, both of them will continue to treat you like baby of the house, so, you have to stand up and fight for your right in your house.
Infact, sorry about this question, how old is your hubby sef, he should understand that this is marriage now.
chei, how i wish some women are like me, chai, tani je gbena woju ekun

This one pass April fool.
Its July fool!

Sometimes, i use to wonder if all these stay-home mums, especially the type of op's friend live in the same planet with me, imagine, asking for my powder's money from my fellow human being, imagine, not able to buy some things for my kids without involving hubby, imagine, being monetarily punished by my hubby, imagine living such a slavery life, imagine! Imagine!
Infact, how will i even be able to open my mouth to ask for some things from a fellow human being like me.
@op, your friend make herself like that, if she had insisted from the beginning that shes not comfortable with such lifestyle, she would have had her way and will be far from being treated like such trash, tell her to give herself some self-esteem by finding someting to do that will make her less dependent on the man, and if the man want to go because of that, she should please let him. Enough of slavery lifestyle. "Aye ti laju juyen lo"
May God help her.

sstartony: As for telling somebody, i have limited contact with people but i got our pastors' number through a bulletin and told them to set a meeting btw my husband and i but they should
That night he came home and ask if i call the pastor, i denied it. Only God knows what he told them but that was all i saw.

this is what i use to say, there is too much hypocrisy in the church nowadays, no matter what, the pastor should have invited both of them for a meeting, and even, in the first instance, the pastor shouldnt have told the man that his wife called, because, if he wasnt told, there is no way he would ask his wife such question, but, who knows, whether the man is a generous man in the church and also towards the pastor, hence not seeing anything wrong in whatever hes doing wrong at home., plus, he may be afraid that if he confront the man, he would leave the church and they will miss his generosity, hhhmmmm hian, God dey watch, abi, is church not suppose to be a house of rescue

@op, since the church have dissapointed you, dont you think you should involve your family in this, your life is more important o, let your dad into what is happening, and let him do the right thing for you if you cant do it yourself. An abusive marriage is a no no for me, imagine, the day he beat you with pregnancy and you landed in the hospital, what if you died in the process of that Please, your life is more important than that miserable thing you call marriage, marriage is not even meant for such a man, imagine, locking you outside unclad, what if something unpalatable has happened to you during the dark hours of night And yet, you are so desperate to continuing being his wife, what exactly are you enjoying from him his money, who told you you cant make more money than him if you forget about him, his dick, what exactly can be good/sweet about a non-humane man's dick, or are you afraid of what people will say, what do you think they will say if you allow him to kill you, or you are staying because of your kids, then, tell me the kind of upbringing you are both giving the young ones, are you not trying to tell them indirectly to be violent in life, are you not telling the male kids to know how to beat up their wives when they get married and are you not also telling the female one that, that is how marriage should be, that she must always stay married, even when her life is at stake, what about the traumatic and pychological toment you are giving your kids, is it good for them health-wise and relationship-wise A word is enough for the wise.
May God help you.

@fileupdator, why do you decide to make this thread boring

op, i just hope innocent civilians are not included o.

slimyem: I understand you jare.
Infact, I think most women in this part of the world are like that. Proposal is for the man. If he won't ask,she won't either and will wait for one who will.

and that is what the bible says......... He who finds a wife, finds a good thing, and shall obtain favour from God" not....."she who find a husband"