₦airaland Forum

LaudableXX:
You are saying something similar to what I have been saying. My remarks were a response to another poster who claimed that, the person paying the school fees is showing how capable he is. He kept arguing in previous posts, that custody of a 7 year old child, would be given to the father, and I disagreed with that. This is what he said :

He is telling you you are wrong. You are saying the man is trying to prove the woman is not capable that was why custody was awarded. I was saying no and that is what the guy is trying to tell you.

LaudableXX:
Once a man goes to court, to prove he is paying school fees including other bills for taking care of the daughter, when he is fighting for custody, he is trying to show the court, that the woman lacks the means or ability to take care of the child.

If custody is granted to the wife, nobody says the man will stop paying school fees. In fact the court will compel him to pay alimony, which includes school fees and cost of upkeep, for the child. You know absolutely zero about child custody, yet you keep arguing.

What is the one saying ?/Hope I am arguing with somebody I think because the moment I suspect otherwise I will run. So once somebody is paying school fees, the other person must not be capable. Are you for real? Showing you pay school fees only proves you are capable it doesn't mean the other person is not capable. So if the husband pays school fees it means the wife must tell the school that they should reject the school fees to prove she is capable or what. In Africa, who pays school fees even if the wife is okay. Please don't let me assume I am arguing with somebody that I am now assuming

[quote author=LaudableXX post=70021801][/quote]you like stories. Who told you that once the husband claims he is paying school fees it means the wife cant take care of the child? Even if custody is granted to the wife, who told you the husband will stop paying school fees? Read about child custody first then you can make a more informed discussion

InvertedHammer:
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Nobody wins custody battle. The court goes for equal parenting and will allocate support based on time spent with the kid(s), income and other factors. I mentioned ground for loss of custody by either parent.
Keep deluding yourself.
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my lawyer sir!!!! Yes you can win full custody. Court can grant full custody to one parent, shared custody to both, 3rd party custody, temporary custody. Etc. So you see, you don't have to be so old to research

InvertedHammer:
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A mother should raise her young child which is why the court usually grants custody to women unless the biological mother is incapacitated, which is not an issue in this case.

Simple. Keep writing epistle.
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since it is that simple, you will do better as a divorce lawyer rather than claiming to be methuselah on nairaland. Women get custody in most cases not because of your simple analogy but because most men don't contest it anyway. They feel na wahala self to take care of the child so they automatically don't contest it. Most men with means and especially wives at home almost always win custody fights unless the child is under 3. Methuselah

InvertedHammer:
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So someone here thinks that a 7-yrs old girl will be better taken care of by his dad instead of the mother?

OP: You cannot wriggle out of this one.

Too many kids here on NL.
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I am not supposed to respond to insecure people like you. It irritates me when I see people talking about age where wisdom is being discussed. So you assume a stepfather will be good enough for the child but a stepmother is bad. Who is the dad and who is the mum ? You all are saying the child belong to the OP since the wife owns her, you forgot the child also belong to the wife of the father since the husband owns her. So the COURT DONT ALWAYS CONSIDER THE biological MOTHER IN THAT CONTEST...ONCE THERE IS A MOTHER ( The new wife of the husband) and there is no contrary proof that she can't take care of her, the husband will get custody. However, custody is not a straightforward thing like that. The report of the welfare people will be taken into consideration but once again....there is no rule that the child must be with the mother except if the father us single

LaudableXX:
You are wrong, and you do not want to accept the truth. If a child is young, no welfare office will give custody to the father, especially if such a father has rejected the child. The mother is often told to take care of her child, especially if the child is underage. Go and do some research. They can only ask him to pay the cost of upkeep, of the child.

thanks. People like you just come online to talk. This is not divorce. Even in divorce, there is no such rule. It only applies if the man us not married such that he has no wife to take care of the child. A very good friend of mine just got custody of his 6yr old daughter from his former and threw a welcome party for them. Funny the other woman is not yet remarried so the husband claimed he has a more balanced home to care of her and provided proofs he had been paying school fees etc. They give to the mother if the husband is not married but no hard and fast rule. A 3rd party custody can be given to the grandmother. So don't just assume. Find out. When the child is less than 3yrs old, the tendency is the mother but not always. A 7yr old with married father.....na the father get him pikin
EDITED
The major reason why many mothers get custody in divorce cases is because the husband couldn't have been married before the divorce is completed so no way to prove he has a wife at home. In this case, they were probably not married. Just child out of wedlock. If it gets to welfare, they don't think twice before awarding custody to the father

LaudableXX:
Very rarely. The welfare office might ask the birth father to pay the cost of upkeep for the child, but they would usually ask the mother to take care of the child, especially if the child is underage, while the father has to pay alimony to the mother, for the upkeep of the children. Even in courts during a divorce, custody is given to the mother, as long as the child is still young, except in cases where the father fights the mother for custody, because he is richer and has more clout. He would however have to prove that the woman is an unfit mother, or she lacks the means to adequately take care of the kids.

you don't know what you are saying so I will swerve. Go and find out and stop saying what you don't know. A 7yr old whose father is married will be given to the father unless the mother can prove that the child will not be taken care of by the father

LaudableXX:
Oh, the OP has no responsibility to accept the child. And I am not playing any morality card on him. All I am saying is that, the mother has a responsibility to accept the child, and she lives under the OP's roof. After reporting at the welfare office, and they advise the child to live with the mother because she is underage, what next? Will the mother discard the child, because the OP doesn't want her in his home? The fact that the OP does not want her, does not mean the mother should abandon her own responsibility.

Go and find out. Since the father is now married....the welfare will ask his wife to take care of the child. In Africa, it is believed that the husband is the head of the house so he can ask his wife to take care of the child. No welfare will ask the OP to assume responsibility. They can only beg him. They can't force him but they can force the father.

LaudableXX:
It is not an unnecessary distraction. If the OP cannot take care of the girl, and the grandmother cannot do so, (for reasons he did not say), then what should the mother do? Leave her in the market, or dump her on the street? Why put the burden on the grandmother, when the biological mother is still alive and able to take care of her child?

My friend, learn how to properly advise people. The wife should report the case at the welfare office. They will invite both parents and resolve where the child should stay and who pay what bills. The OP has no responsibility to accept the child because the father rejected her. If he want, fine. If he doesn't want, you can't play morality card on him. It is evil

LaudableXX:
The grandmother might be old, weak and infirm. So you think they should put the burden on her? Isn't that rather illogical? Did she give birth directly to the child?

Millions were raised by their grandmothers, because such grandmothers were in good health or strong enough, to do so. Yes, the OP does not have a responsibility to father another man's child, but the mother of that child lives inside his house, as his wife. So what should the mother do? Abandon the child, too? If the wife cannot bring her child into that house, where should she keep the girl? On the street?

when you point to me where the OP said the grandmother is old then we can continue this discussion. Otherwise this is an unnecessary distraction

janellemonae:
All these rationalizations of deadened hearts. So pple should only render help because of what they can gain? There is a helpless 7yr old child with no one to turn to and u have the mind to tell her mother to abandon her.

Tufiakwa!

And who told you she has no one to turn to. I don't play online morality. She has her real father yo turn to. She has her grandmother to turn to. They all rejected her so the OP must accept her else he is evil. It is you guys that are evil. You are forcing somebody to accept something he doesn't want. If he now maltreat the innocent girl, you start calling for his head. If anything happens to that girl, the same father will come and start making trouble in the house. And how many homeless 7yrs old have you accepted into your home since you are so nice. You mean you don't know any child that really needs somebody like you to take care of them. Your heart must be dead too if you are yet to accept those 7yrs old who are homeless needing a roof into your home

LaudableXX:
Nobody is blackmailing the step-father into doing anything. People are just giving their suggestions and trying to give the man reasons, to help him make up his mind, on what to do. Check my comments on this thread. I never blackmailed him into anything. He is a grown man, who can consider all options before him, and take a decision.

Both the father and the mother, brought the child into this world. They both have a responsibility to take care of the little girl, not the grandmother. If the father is alive, but has rejected the girl, should the mother also reject her? The answer you give, will determine if you support doing good even when it is hard, or if you would just ignore an opportunity to do good, simply because you want to take the easy way out.

Nobody knows the age of the grandmother. She might be weak, elderly and in poor health, which means she might lack the energy or stability, to take care of an energetic, young child. If any step-child hates the stepfather, it simply means such a stepfather treated that child, badly. Same thing goes for step-mothers, too. No child will hate anyone who takes care of her, shows her love, compassion and care, and also trains her to a level where she can achieve the best education, available. So free your mind!

The mother is not rejecting her. In fact she wants to accept the child, but her new husband does not want her to bring the child, into their home. So what should she do?

So both parents have the Responsibility to take care of the child NOT THE GRANDMOTHER. You are correct. Just that if the grandmother has no morality to take care of the child, the Op too has no morality since he is not the father. You so easily absolved the grandmother saying it is not her responsibility so why should it be the responsibility of the OP to father another mans child. You talked about a judge raised by a stepfather. You only forgot that millions of others were raised by their grandmother too. So if the grandmother could reject without blinking, the stepfather shouldn't feel guilty if he doesn't want her too. My point is this.... it is not compulsory the OP must accept another mans child to his home and you shouldn't make him feel guilty. The house belong to both the husband and the wife...but the child doesn't belong to the two of them so the wife should not selfishly force what is not his on him unless he want it. The idea of using morality to force to take over a lifetime responsibility of taking care of another man child is evil.

janellemonae:
Don't mind him. He thinks his marriage will be okay.

His marriage won't even survive it. His wife will forever resent him. He will eventually realize this. And will probably start cheating. I don't know which woman will be playful or genuinely turned on by a guy who makes this kind of decision.

And who told you the marriage will survive it either way by bringing the child home. The OP doesn't want the child in his home. His decision should be respected and he shouldn't be treated as if he is wicked. The mother in law is in the best position to take care of her. She rejected her without feeling guilty. Not minding the fact that it could put a strain on her daughters wedding. I know a couple that just got divorced. True life story. The man accepted the girl from primary 5 when he married the mother. When the girl was about to gain admission to university of Ilorin last year, she searched for her father on Facebook and contacted him. That one immediately took over responsibility. The new husband of the mother got annoyed because he was not even informed again when the girl started contacting the father. The girl stopped coming home for holiday...will go and spend holiday with the dad and siblings on the other side. The present husband felt sidelined as the other guy is now richer than him. To cut a long story short, he told the mother that she should take the one in jss2 to go and meet the father( she had two children from the other guy) . He said he can't take of them only for them to get to university and now remember they have a father. Like play, like play the marriage scattered. So it is not a straightforward issue. The wife too should worry that if she forced her husband to accept her against his wish, the resentment may consume the marriage.

LaudableXX:
The girl's birth father was NOT the one that brought the matter to NL. And castigating the girl's father does not solve the step-father's dilemma. In fact, it just shifts the focus of the discussion to an area, that distracts people from the main problem. Some men can take in their brother's kids, or extended relatives to live with them, but will reject their wives' kid. It doesn't make sense.

The OP's post reeks of selfishness. He knew she had a kid out of wedlock, before he even married her. So why is he forming arrogance and irritation now, at the thought of the girl? If he is not financially buoyant, then let him ask the wife to bear all the girl's expenses, while she is living under his roof. At least the girl would be with her mum. If the birth father abandons the girl, should the biological mother ignore her existence, too? I know a retired high court judge that was brought up by his step-father. That step-father educated him and took care of him, like his own son. Nobody knew for many years, that the guy was not his biological son. Before the step-father died, that judge built a mansion for him in the village & took care of his medical bills. I know the family very well, and it is not hear say.

You guys are blackmailing the guy into accepting what he doesn't want. The issue is, I CAN NEVER FEEL GUILTY REJECTING A CHILD WHOSE FATHER IS ALIVE AND WHOSE GRANDMOTHER IS REJECTING. Why is the mother of the wife rejecting her? Somebody said because the mother is Alive. So is the father dead? He can accept if he is comfortable with it. If he is not, he shouldn't feel guilty. Why cant the new wife of the father accept her too? Op, you better don't care what all these nairalander moralist say. Real life is different. You know a retired judge raised by step father. Millions exist like that. Likewise millions of stepfather are hated by their step children regardless of the sacrifice the stepfather made. I know so many too. So it is not a yardstick. Reject the child if you don't want and never feel guilty (the father, the wife of the father, the mother of the mother all rejected her and they are not feeling guilty because it is not convenient for them) Accept her if you want....but never because all these moralist are blackmailing you into it

vikacydevato:
The first thing that ought to be in the mind of everybody is how to rescue victims.

False. The first thing is to make sure you are safe. The next thing is to call appropriate authorities. Call emergency number. Unless you are properly trained, you may worsen the situation. If you want to help, go and donate blood and assist under supervision of trained people. People taking pix can also help spread the news till it gets to appropriate authority so the OP is not 100% correct. There was a woman whose leg got trapped under trailer. Granted she was in pain. Rather than wait for appropriate authority Nigerians cut the leg of the woman and she bled to death on the way to hospital. You can't always help on the scene of major accident unless trained people are guiding you as volunteers

wale4me:
Hello,if you see any information online does not mean it correct try to check the source because fact is different fron suggestion,i want you send a screen shot from the orgainser or russian embassy and any authority in this regard ..not just any anonymous source.this a faceless forum but in this aspect am sorry to disapoint you because i speak russian language very fluently and l source information from authority not anonymous,here is a screen shot from russian embassy in Nigeria on requirement..once again this is a faceless forum and let keep it tbat way and keep getting informed

This is the official website for fan ID and local organiser of the FIFA world cup

wale4me:
Hello,if you see any information online does not mean it correct try to check the source because fact is different fron suggestion,i want you send a screen shot from the orgainser or russian embassy and any authority in this regard ..not just any anonymous source.this a faceless forum but in this aspect am sorry to disapoint you because i speak russian language very fluently and l source information from authority not anonymous,here is a screen shot from russian embassy in Nigeria on requirement..once again this is a faceless forum and let keep it tbat way and keep getting informed

oga go and check the official website of fan ID . Tickets has always been part from day one. Never... I repeat, never has there been a requirements to enter Russia with fan ID without tickets or evidence. They may not ask you depending on how busy they are. But if they ask and you can't provide answer you are coming back home. Has nothing to do with just Nigerians. It is always a primary requirement. I don't argue about what I don't know. You must have ticket or evidence of ticket allocation

wale4me:
I disagree with you , ticket was never part of the requirement because your fan id was a proof you have s ticket from the begining .but the immigration start asking due to recent issue mostly by nigerians because people that enter during the first week nobody was ask ticket ,am 100% sure about it ..am on ground here in russia 60 days before the start of the games and i have all the unpdates

100percent sure about wrong information. Nigerians sha.

wale4me:
I disagree with you , ticket was never part of the requirement because your fan id was a proof you have s ticket from the begining .but the immigration start asking due to recent issue mostly by nigerians because people that enter during the first week nobody was ask ticket ,am 100% sure about it ..am on ground here in russia 60 days before the start of the games and i have all the unpdates

stop saying what you don't know. In addition to FAN ID ticket has always been the requirements. It is all over the internet so don't just assume. Find out facts

wale4me:
Sure you need hotel reservation and you can pay cash or card payment at the hotel desk when you arrive ,actually game ticket is never a requirement to enter russia just the fan id but with the recently report of attempted human Trafficking and illegal boarder crossing ,your fan id cannot be cancel if you sold your ticket but you should have a game ticket or proof of the purchase printed from your fifa account because you could be stop for questioning regarding your trip and to people planning ilegal crossing please be aware that illegal boarder crossing is a criminal offense in russia and could lead to jail term and deportation.

ticket or e mail confirmation has always been part of the requirement in addition to the FAN ID to enter Russia

turnup05:
Mr Wale please I need your advice concerning my trip to Russia: when coming do I need to pay for health insurance and hotel reservations?
Also I want to know if I resell my match ticket, will my fan Id be cancelled? I might not travel to Russia until July and my match ticket is for the match on 22 June. is there any options for a match swap?

As I am talking to you, some boys just landed in St Petersburg insisting they want to cross to Finland this night. Nigerians have problem. We advised them on the WhatsApp group they refused. Some were detained at Kaliningrad yesterday. Please Nigerians are not doing well. If you don't have a ticket for a later date than your arrival date you may be sent back. They usually ask what games you are going to. They don't need your insurance. Just book hotel you don't need to pay. I've been in Russia for a week now from.st Petersburg to Kaliningrad to moscow

BedLam:
I hate people who listen to them say , them say. You don't Judge people base on someone's stupid judgement especially when they are Nigerians. Nigerians have a way of painting a minor issue with brighter colors and associate every mishap with hate, even if they didn't do the right thing.

I just landed in Moscow with bunch of other blacks with no issues. I tried to buy water with my card from the vending machine. It didn't work but this nice Russian assisted me and he paid with his own money.

Please no one should quote me and ask me anything comes concerning my trip.

what he is saying is true but not bad. Nigerians have a way of bastardising every opportunity. An 18yr old lady arrived Russia alone and she can't even say which country Nigeria is playing with, had less than 500dollars and she was sent back. Why are we like this? Nigerians are already getting stranded in Russia. Many arrived Russia with nothing. They went to borrow money thinking they can run away to Europe from there.....this is so so bad.

Juliusfriday95:
Pls add me to that WhatsApp group, I am going to Russia.

The WhatsApp group is now limited to helping people enjoy the world cup and ease their travel to and from world cup not for illegal crossing of the border. Very soon, other countries will introduce the FAN ID and ban innocent Nigerians from using it because of people using the FAN I'd for illegal Crossing of the border

sunnyeinstein:
I never said medical history is unimportant oo, it is even one of the first things to be asked during consultation. It is of utmost importance.

NB: @all screaming at my "ignorance", thank you. I dont envy doctors, they do a hellofa job... the articulate ones!

How can you display so much ignorance in a single thread. People like you are so dangerous.... Half baked knowledge with confidence. You know nothing about medicine

omonla10:
, I'm saving my funds towards purchasing ticket and fan's I'd for the semifinal match.. NIGERIA VS GERMANY. And then final or 3rd place.. Any advise pls, or am I wishing for too much?

Where will you get the ticket if you are just saving for ticket now? Ticket wey don finish since march for the semi finals. Anyway if nigeria qualify NFF will be given supporters ticket but even at that it will be very difficult to get

onatisi:
wait a little , you will most likely sell it at double the price when the competition finally kicks off

Not true. Except if he will be present in russia to personally sell it. Nigeria iceland is not that HOT A TICKET. And it takes place in volgograd which is not really a tourist town save for the world cup and it is far. Go and sell it on FIFA website and cut your 10percent loss. If you wont be present in russia you wont likely get it sold. You can list it on the internet too. Find out on tripsadvisor...If it were to be nigeria/argentina now, you can even sell it for triple. Ive been looking for that ticket since february. I only just got an american willing to sell for me when we get to russia at the gate. See you in russia

justwise:
The argument is not about fan ID, the argument is about applying for visa from Russia holding fan ID. Obviously you are twisting it.

Actually, it is very very possible but we dont need to allow nigerians to abuse it. I am presently on a whatsapp group of nigerians going to world cup and this topic has been well exhausted there. It is possible, even legal.

goryorhal:
I have

Match 24 - Nigeria v Iceland - Volgograd

okay. I have it too. I only need argentina match