₦airaland Forum

DBestDoc:
Some of these kids on here really do not know where to draw the line.

Not all threads are for you to contribute and this thread was created in the family section and not the Romance section for a reason.

A woman comes to ask questions about fertility and childbirth just after one child and someone is calling her a baby factory. Someone that may be old enough to be your big sister or mother. And another one is asking why she’s having a baby.


Your parents did very poor jobs raising you and i feel sorry for those that have to deal with you in real life.

You can say this again.

They put mouth in everything to talk trash even when the topic is obviously bigger than their brains.

Blessedmercy8:
And the solids you're going to introduce, is it not money you're going to use in buying it? Even the napkins, do they come cheap? Ok let's say it's a one off thing with the napkins, school fees nko?

I hear una.

What is your problem this lady?

Everyone is telling you the truth, you are just being adamant with this your mentality.

Continue to wait until you are 60 years old.

I hope you tell that your boyfriend all these you are spilling online so that the man can see your kind of mind in 3D and take a walk from you. Because you are not ready for marriage

Interesting. OP, you are a cheat! And you are still not truthful here that you have not slept with that your side chick.

You are a married man cheating on your wife and still have entitlement mentality to control how your side chick will behave online. Is she your wife ?

Imagine, you want to sue. Sue for what?

You better go and beg your wife for forgiveness. I hope she will be able to forgive you.

bukatyne:
Yes.

I think the lesson learned here is that long time separation is risky to a marriage and anything can happen within that separation time.

bukatyne:

(Sex during separation is adultery).

including 2 year separation ?

Na wah ooo. All for the foreign palli and to escape poverty?

Jovialjune1:
How will giving birth naturally be the reason you both had to separate? You are abroad, where there are suberb medical experts, can't you use other options available? Except he is an archiac man, I see that natural birth excuse as weird.

All I'll say is love yourself, value yourself, and find happiness with yourself, no one can make you happy except you, hold yourself in very high esteem and have self dignity and respect, be aware of your breaking point when it comes to marriage and emotions, do not manage, do not endure, do not suffer.

Lastly, ask him what his reaction would have been if you were the one that was involved with another man and got pregnant during your separation period, his answer should determine your next action.

She said they separated "due to some hardships". Not primarily because of child bearing difficulty.

Loveofmylife15:
Because no matter what... I do love him and I know I will never stop loving him.... but that's also exactly the reason why am not really ready to share him...

May God help me to control the Million thoughts in my head and get myself clear - in order to live a happy life again �

I can see you both share something special, special love, in the phase of this challenge.

Believe me, it's not an easy situation for all involved.

I will add that you don't rush to make any decision yet. Allow time for the initial emotional shock to pass, where you can reason better to consider many perspectives, the love you share, children involved, your happiness, etc.

johnJS:
Hello, are you able to share more details about your application processes for both the H1B and EB-1 visas? And any anecdotes about your background and the journey thus far in general. Personal identifiers could always be omitted for privacy.

I think the more that it's shared directly on this thread, as opposed to privately on PMs, the more a lot of us will be able to learn.

Thank you

All the links you need have been posted by others already.

Because I know this is alot of information to someone new to this route. I will help to brake it down.

H1b, L1 are dual intent work visas but you need a US employer to sponsor you on these visas. Dual intent because you can adjust your immigration status to Permanent Residency from such visas when you arrive or living in the US.

Eb1b, Eb1C, Eb2 advance degree, Eb3 are Permanent residency visas but they also require an employer to sponsor you.

Eb1A and Eb2NIW (National Interest Waiver) are the only 2 sub categories that you can process without an employer sponsorship. This is because those are meant for the US to pull best brains from all over the world. They waive requirements of a job offer and employer sponsorship for these two sub categories knowing that the people that will qualify can easily land a job in the US, most likely contributed quickly to US interests.

It's not always easy for most foreigners to get employer sponsorship because of the rigor of the employer passing the Labor Certification requirements to proof that the employer cannot fill that job position with US citizens or Permanent Residents. This is why many people that can get Eb1A and NIW file for themselves.

Now to file NIW or 1A, first make sure you can provide well-documented evidences to support 4 out of the 10 criteria. I said 4 to be on safe side in case USCIS rejects any of your claims.

Then look for a good immigration lawyer that is also very familiar with your field of occupation to file I140 form for you.

To look for lawyers and read their reviews, visit www.avvo.com, you can also get a good lawyer by referral.

After you get approved on I140, you move to second stage of NVC where you submit processing fees and civil documents.

Third stage is different based on where you reside when you are going through this process. If you are already living in the US legally, your third stage is Adjustment of Status route. If you are outside the US, your third stage is Consular Processing route, where you will attend immigration visa interview in a US embassy in your country of residence.

There are so many information on this route, just be specific with your questions, so that you can get specific answers.

I also think it depends on the society and culture where the marriage was formed.

In Nigeria and Africa, my advise is same as up there.

But in western world, its different. No one has house chores or financial responsibilities assigned in western culture marriages. That's their culture.

And Nigerians should stop importing everything foreign including marriage cultures.

It is not a bad thing if the wife is overwhelmed. It is the primary responsibility of the woman in the house.

Just like funding and providing for the family is the primary responsibility of the husband. The wife too can help the man in funding if the man will be overwhelmed.

OP, I see no one to blame here. You and your husband separated for 2 years, with no sexual relationship. The man thought that was the end of the marriage and you people will end in divorce.

He needs more children and decided to go home and marry someone else. The lady in Nigeria has many reasons to marry him at that point cos he was not with you at that point. Many women in Nigeria will jump into that opportunity, trust me. Apart from financial benefits of monthly sending of hard currency, there is hope of living abroad one day for them and their children.

My advise for you is this. If you can live with polygamy, continue your marriage with your husband but understand that he now has more responsibilities at home.

If you cannot put up with polygamy, you can proceed to seek divorce or separate from him.

If you decide to stay, please don't put blame on the poor Nigerian lady. It is even possible that she is also not happy that her husband is back with you. Seek peace and fairness going forward in this situation.

Blessedmercy8:
I don't even know what you men think you are that a woman has to chop shit to be with you. Apart from money and luxury of life, what else does a woman need you men for? True, I no see the thing o.

Free me abeg

@the bolded. Sister, any man reasonable man will not take you seriously with this mindset.

This is like a man telling a lady he is only interested in her body alone.

There is more to relationship than sex, body, money and luxury your partner can provide you.

Blessedmercy8:
See them crying for a partner that will grow with them as if they are going to remain loyal when the growth comes.

You wanna know the honest truth why ladies don't like to start with Nigerian guys? Most of them ain't loyal. Once the money starts rolling in, they abandon the one that struggled with them and go after another woman. See Usifo, yul Enochie and Frank Edoho to mention but a few. See how these men unrepentantly cheated on their wives and abandoned them the moment fame and money came. Forgetting how these women "grew" with them. So, which lady or girl after seeing all these would want to start with any struggling man? It's not worth it!

I don't even know what you men think you are that a woman has to chop shit to be with you. Apart from money and luxury of life, what else does a woman need you men for? True, I no see the thing o.

Free me abeg

First of all, celebrity entertainer marriages are never a good standard of marriages all over the world

Having said that, stop focusing on bad ones and generalizing on bad examples. What about the goods ones?

Ibechris2:
I am sure many of u may be wondering what have i come to say again.

Men,I mean Nigerian men sex is not everything,big bum bum is not everything,after all these stuffs come responsibilities.

Hard pill to swallow:

You should either have a supportive partner or no partner.

This is because I have seen the effect of one income especially those that are not substantial enough to cater for a typical Nigerian family.

For those that are yet to marry,pls marry someone who is ready to help u grow financially,marriage is indeed a good thing no doubt,but marry with sense not just for beauty,go for someone who is noble and gracious in character.

The economy has so far exposed alot of family to an unfortunate situation where many now have to beg to survive,we may pretend as if its not true,but the amount of loans owed to online lenders is a testament to that fact.

Remember that a King needs a Queen.

Good submission

And if you know you cannot get enough evidence to proof at least 4 of the 10 criteria, with reputable recommendations letters, don't bother yourself. This is not regular student and visit visa categories.

Apart the high cost, you must proof extra ordinary abilities to get these.

And the way our people will start manufacturing evidences by the time everyone knows about this route, the USCIS might have to create a separate office to handle our cases.

This is it. Another teenager's thread. His fellow teenage boys are rushing into the thread to push black women-hating forgetting their mothers, sisters aunts are all blacks.

On the opposite sides are teenager girls arguing with him.

You people can display your ignorance as you wish here but stop pushing hate on opposite gender. Stop pushing hate against your own race, this is the lowest self-esteem you can ever have.

I am waiting for that nairaland "moderator" that will push this rubbish to front page again.

GenderMix:
No doubt money is very key to sustaining a marriage. Infact it's one of the key ingredients that can help grease love. The lack of money can make love go sour...lol...

Having said that, marriage has an ultimate aim which is for companionship. As far as both of you have the drive to succeed and are not lazy and can cut you cloth according to your size then the amount may just be inconsequential.

If the man earns 100k, he has the qualities you like and is focused then you can start with that. Just ensure he has common sense and listens to advise. It doesn't matter if as a lady you earn higher than him. You guys should have plans and execute them together. Just encourage him by supporting him financially. Just assist him but let him be the one to take care of the major bills.

Plan around the money you earn. Don't live above your means. There are pragmatic means you can adopt to cut cost. Forget the pressure around, most of what you see are illusions. Just focus on your happiness.

I wish you best of luck.

OP, this is the advise you need. And ignore that teenager up there.

When elders says "what kind of friendship can be between a tiger and a dog", children of nowadays will not understand. This is your case.
You went on a romantic outing with your "online female friend" when you are preparing for your wedding. Honestly you don't deserve that your wife. You are a cheater.

You have already entered the trap if truly "your online girlfriend" and her mother set you up.

You have to be firm with your "online girlfriend" and her family that you have someone to marry. When she delivers the baby, then you can confirm if you are truly the father.

As for your fiancee, come out clean to her and her family. But don't do it all alone by yourself. Open up to your family first. Then, elders in your family should help you brake the news to her family and seek forgiveness.

I pray your fiancee and her family forgives you.

And I hope you have learned your lesson and will not continue cheating on your wife after the marriage.

All the best!

Congratulations!

Here is wishing your home, peace and all bliss of marriage.

Well done!

jeromestarks:
If you didn't disvirgin your wife, then at least one of your children is not your own.
Prepare to spend your hard earned money on a child you didn't father.
Note that as soon as her ex shows up, she will fvck him again and again.
Once a woman starts misbehaving, know that she has started seeing another man.
The woman who loves you will not stress you.
God bless Nigeria.

This is completely not necessary here.

Lol. She will collect the guy's thing join.

Marriage is not meant for everyone. It's best some people remain single forever.

However, if those that marriage is meant for, end up marrying someone right for them and they both married each other for the right reasons, marriage is good to be blissful to them.

And a "moderator" pushed this nonsense to front page.

OP, please pick only matured advise here (as I have seen them already) and ignore men and women haters here. Those haters will only make your problem worse at home.

Newborn27:
Reading through your post, I can perceive that you're a Yoruba man.

Firstly I'd like to caution you on this which I'm glad your conscience had already dealt with you....no matter how heated up the argument may be or how furious you might seem......DO NOT RAISE YOUR HANDS AGAINST THE WOMAN YOU LOVED......the best thing at that point is to take a deep breath.....and walk away, after some hours.... come back home and talk it out in a calm manner, then apologize where necessary to enable peace in your home.*looto omo ale loma n rinu ti koni bi...paapajulo ti o ba ti je lori oro iya eni....sugbon...ko soun ti suuru kii yanju.


Hint - no matter the amount of love of a woman has for her spouse...once you raise your hand against her....it will depreciate and she'd always reminiscence on that except if you make up with greater affection in future. Furthermore, no matter who's at fault... people will never be on your side once you lay your hands on her...oti jebi


On her part...... she's a new bride....I hope you remembered she hasn't been to a husband's house before and all she had was her biological parents no in-laws.....she might flop sometimes...grow with her in her new lifestyle... correct her in love ...as time goes by...she'd adjust....about her aggressiveness.... kindly accept her for who she is since no human is perfect....you perseverance can change her personality..... it might take time... marriage is not a bed of roses.... you should be there for one another when it's sour and rosy.



Lastly.... before I comment on your post.... I've been having some monickers that would come out to attack you in mind....and they never fail to disappoint....dem don land already...lol
Be ready for their bashing because they have a team and follow one another like ant and sugar....do not take their bashing to heart.... instead...pick few things that can help your home and move on.....one thing I realized about these set of people is that.....some of them never had a home or had been jilted hence they unleashed their frustrations on every erring male.... while little among them are like that due to their exposure living in a saner clime(which I'm envious of) they feel irritated at domestic violence cos they feel its abnormal which I'm in support of.


In conclusion, try to keep your extended family away from your home..... I'm not saying you should neglect them or not visit....but do things moderately....e get why.


Make I stop here.

Thank you. Well said.

OP, I can imagine how broken you must be by now.

You have married another man's wife honestly.

1. For your sanity, please separate from that woman for now.

2. Carry out DNA test on the kids to confirm their parternity.

3. If the kids are yours, you are lucky. Then plan to take care of the kids.

4. Divorce the woman before you lose your life in that marriage.

You and the kids will be fine. Leave the woman for the owner.

Godmother:
Yes, people need to be wary, which is why I felt I just had to come back to drop that last post.

Years ago, I was a young lady tormented by great fear of the marriage institution. Every marriage I had seen was plagued by pain and sadness (or maybe I focused too much on the bad).


It took me several years to get to this point (endless pain and confusion, not to mention the missed opportunities) I'm hoping it takes her just a day to see the truth of marriage

You have done well to come back to give updates and I am glad you took the best of the advise giving to you then.

Many people on this forum are in similar state as you were, but they focus only on negative experiences to say "marriage is bad", "marriage is this and that", "men are scum", "Nigerian girls are useless" etc on here.

I just hope folks here apply wisdom in sieving comments on here when they seek advise.