₦airaland Forum

I am so sorry you are going through this. I hate it when some men don't appreciate good women and stable homes.

I don't see that man stopping soon. Even if he sacks the girl, he will still continue with her or another woman.

My advise to you is this.

1. You have tried to talk to him severally and still he continues. At this point, inform both families. Involving both families might not make him stop but at least, it's time to inform the families in case he comes back with any form of sexually transmitted diseases up to HIV. The families will know whom to blame then.

2. Never sleep with him without condoms going forward to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases.

3. Though you are going through hormonal imbalance, allow him to have you when he wants it BUT with protection. Its not always good to starve your partner sex except you are physically sick. You might not enjoy it due to your hormones imbalance, but you do it to avoid story like this, where a spouse will be forced to look outside.

4. If he is not violent against you and the children, don't leave that house.

5. Don't cheat on him just because he is cheating. It will not solve anything. It will only compound the problem.

Stillwhites:
Is a woman supposed to leave her husband just because of allegation?

It's very immature for anybody to leave their spouse over "allegations".

Rozross:
I’m yet to read about a man doing this for his wife, men don’t truly love, na women dy love with all their emotions.

Please don't derail this thread.

This is a thread to celebrate good women. Don't turn it to man vs woman unnecessary back and forth arguments.

You make mistakes to get better or you learn from other people's bad experiences.

Life is not read in textbooks. Every great minds in history have made certain mistakes in their life.

Like a wise man sometimes ago said "If you have never made a mistake, you have never try anything important or tangible"

Mistakes is normal. Its only catastrophic if you learn nothing from the mistakes.

Merch:
You won’t do well if you venture into business

Funny OP.

You sell for 11k because she is a fine woman. On top of that, you released the rice before she completes payment.

Na wah for you oooo.

But I believe she said the truth in her tweet about the Queen. Irrespective of whom she is or sexual orientation or origin etc. Black people in Africa should stop all these unnecessary celebrations of everything "foreign".

Queen of England died, Black Africans carried it for head like gala.

Same way, many Blacks in Africa have damaged many of their relationships based on "I stand with Ukraine" and "I stand with Russia" nonsense in the Ukraine war.

Alusiizizi:

All the real sisters of Igbo men that I know proudly feature their Igbo men as resourceful, Intelligent, hardworking brave providers that Igbo men are. Igbo men are know all over Africa for their uncanny ability for success in business. There are no peoples in Africa that you will encounter that don't know the "Igbo man". No sister of Igbo men will come out publicly to insult Igbo men the way this so-called professor of whatever has done.

Bolded. It's true to a greater extent.

Alusiizizi:

No sister of Igbo men freely commits abominations, laying with her fellow women. This Uju Anya is a shameless, confessed lesbian who abandoned her marriage to live a life of abominations.

@ the bolded. That's not true. There are many Igbo Lesbians in Nigeria. Some are hiding while some are not.

Ammmy:
I called my daughter today and told her I want to come and bring her, she said never. That she can't leave her grandma. That who will stay with her grandma? Hmmm I weak

Hmm. Good question from her. How will grandma cope without your daughter? And it seems they have definitely developed some bonds.

You might have to increase your frequency of visiting them going forward to spend more time with your daughter. If the good luck charm thought is true, spending more time with her should work for the charm too.

I don't think the OP reported his wife to the pastor as per the pastor should scold her or something. I think he went to seek advise from the pastor as his spiritual leader and someone with lots of years under his belt as a married man.

Nothing wrong in seeking such advise in as much as it doesn't get to the point that its only the pastor that the woman will respect before she behaves well in her home.

Back to your question OP, a wife shouldn't not force food choice on her husband and vice versa.

You know your home better than us. You know if truly your wife is overwhelmed. If she is truly overwhelmed, then you can help her out in one way or the other to get what you want to eat.

But if she is not overwhelmed and just being lazy or imposing her choice of food on you, then you must stand your ground until she understands you.

OP, congratulations first. Happy Married Life.

You should have discussed all these before marriage, but all is still good.

Honestly, 5 body count is not bad in this age for a lady of 26 years. I hope she has told you all though. She might just tell you those to weigh your reactions. Now that you have reacted the way you did, you will not hear the rest.

Another thing I will advise you about is this. Since you kept yourself until marriage, stop further discussion of her sexual life and experience with her. You will definitely not be able to handle it. Also, please find ways to get experience about sex because your wife is more experienced than you. You need to quickly sharpen your skills in that department before madam starts losing interests in having it with you. Someone has suggested a whatsapp group. You can also find some experienced older men to give you some tips to quickly brush up your skills.

Marrying a virgin woman does not translate to faithfulness or better wife at home. What matters is the love, character, support,friendship and willingness to make sacrifices, brought to the table by the woman.

Enjoy your marriage bro. But stop further discussion of her past sexual life and quickly sharpened yourself up in that department.

weaseloo:
Hi guys,

What are the alternatives or way out for this family:

The visa interview date (eb2 niw application) has been released and the location is Lagos. But due to unforeseen circumstances the wife cannot attend the interview in Lagos because she lives outside Nigeria and will not be able to return to Nigeria for the interview.

What can they do not to miss this opportunity?

Just as I responded on the NVC thread, to avoid missing the opportunity now, she will have to travel to Nigeria.

But who is the primary applicant? And will other family members able to attend the interview?

Depending on when the interview was scheduled for them by NVC, their files might still be at NVC, if their file is still at NVC, they can ask NVC for reschedule of interview.

If their file no more at NVC, then they have to ask the embassy for a reschedule of interview.

weaseloo:
Hi guys,

What are the alternatives or way out for this family:

The visa interview date (eb2 niw application) has been released and the location is Lagos. But due to unforeseen circumstances the wife cannot attend the interview in Lagos because she lives outside Nigeria and will not be able to return to Nigeria for the interview.

What can they do not to miss this opportunity?

You didn't mention who is the primary applicant. Is it the wife or the husband? Are other members of the family on the application in Nigeria except the wife ?

Anyways, she has to travel to Lagos if she does not want to miss this opportunity.

Ammmy:
I can never bring a man to my home. I've never done that even as she's not around.

In that case, go and get your daughter to live with you irrespective of the good luck charm.

Hope grandma will understand you though cos your daughter would have developed a very strong bond with the grandma.

Durabest:
That he bought bus for people to give him returns and poultry farming.

Very good. That is all I need to advise you. So a young man that is just starting life, managed to get 8M raised for him in 2017 and he decided to be filling like a boss to buy a bus and give another man to drive for him.

Maybe he was also playing "boss" with the poultry too and people he put there finished the investment for him.

See, if you employ him in your company, be very careful with him because he might run you down. Don't put him in sensitive position until he has demonstrated to you that he is serious, hardworking and learnt there is dignity in hard work.

I would have said you should just assist him with another Funds to be on his own but he might come back with another story later with nothing to show for the funds.

You can also connect him with jobs in other companies or your client's company instead of employing him in your firm.

For those saying if he was a white person, police might not shoot him. This below is a white man shot at his father funeral.

https://abcnews.go.com/amp/US/wireStory/family-answers-pallbearer-killed-officers-89572231

Since 2020 and case of George Floyd, which was a clear murder, all other police killing of black people in the US involving the police where a camera was available has proven that those black people were running because they obviously committed a crime, or they were resisting arrest or struggling with a police officer with a weapon or outrightly just fighting the police officer.

This is why none of those officers have been convicted of any wrong doing.

Kingpele:
RIP young blood..I think this forum need total cleansing, alot of ignoramus are just everywhere..do u people who are criticising the victim family understand the rule of engagement between armed officers and criminals? it is only when it's established that the victim has a firearm and refuse to throw it away with intention of using it against the officers he could be shot to preserve the lives of police officers..remember before he could even be shot ,he most be warned seriously to let go of his firearm..but in this case he posed no threat to officers and he was shot dead,there's no way this could have happened to a white man..so u guys defending this nonsense is a slave of the western world .continue to worship them until it becomes your turn to be shot and no one will call for justice on your behalf...

I agree with you that police should only shoot when they establish they are in danger. But that does not mean we all should not tell ourselves the truth also.
Rules of engagement you are talking about goes both ways, between the people and the police.

Black men and women in western world also should stop running away from police or resisting arrest or fighting police officers on the streets.

They should also stop committing crimes.

Most of these unnecessary death can be avoided if both parties observe rules of engagement. It's not only the police that must observe rules of engagement.

Ammmy:
I normally go to see her once a year and spend a month with her

So when you are with her during the 1 month in a year, do you get more good lucks?

I just want you to start questioning that thought that says your daughter is the only source of your good lucks. It might be true or not. You need to observe more.

Good lucks or not, it's better you are with your daughter if you have a house big enough to entertain potential male suitors without unnecessary exposure of your daughter to adults' life.

This is why elders keep shouting on young people to do things right way. Premarital recklessness around sex can change your life direction forever. When elders are talking, most of us, younger generation will say they are old school.

Just as Daniel's mother is giving him motherly advise now and he is being adamant.

There is more to the reason the father of those children don't want them. The woman is not saying the whole truth.

Anyway, Daniel should be very careful before entering. He should not allow other room's steam blind fold him.

What elders see when they sit down, if children climb a tree, he or she might not see it.

Thorough investigation on the woman, the father of the children and why he rejected his children, also Daniel must put the woman through series of testing to understand if the woman even truly love him or she is just pretending.

And as I said before, those children can never become Daniel's biological children. He should understand that and set his expectations right.

If you had sex between your last menstruation and now, it could be pregnancy. Then, it might not show up on urine test for now.

You either go to a hospital/ a medical laboratory for them to conduct blood pregnancy test on you or you repeat the urine pregnancy test after another 1 week.

The HCG shows up in blood faster than in urine at early stage of pregnancy.

Fact is that during pregnancy, as part of other pregnancy signs, comes with more blood circulation to the vulva, vagina and uterus etc. This ultimately lead to more pleasurable sex for pregnant women.

In other words, during pregnancy, your wife will even enjoy sex more. So, as the husband, don't abandon that part of your duty during the pregnancy period, but you must be gentle at it. If you are usually a rough rider, change to a slow dancer while performing duty during this period.

As per how you will find her attractive with protruding stomach. Think about the fact that she is carrying your baby, think of all the pains, struggles she is going through during that period to give you that wonderful part of you. And that all those swollen body, big stomach are just temporary. Be more closer to her. Go on date with her. Watch movies together. Do romantic stuff together more. There are many types of lingerie that are sexy on pregnant women too. Get them for her.

Boofrenzy:
Thanks brother, it is settled.

Glad you have it settled. All the best with rest of the process.

Stallionhorse:
As a man the only way you can do that is by going out to look for small small girls.. As a woman the only thing you can do is pray you can afford Love Machine and vibrators.

Go to romance section. This section is for matured people

No problem there at all.

I hope you are learning the good from this family section and not learning "the woke" of this generation that has destroyed many modern marriages.

Graduate2015:
Even if I get a maid they can't be working 24/7..
They work per hour and we.the whole family still need to keep maintaining the house. I have asked him countless of times to delegate by asking kids to do the things for him if he is too tired. What is there in asking ur child to come and collect ur used plate. I do that but he can't just be bothered to leave it there.

This plate of a thing is even the worst of all the things you are complaining about. Please stop disrespecting your husband. Why can't you too ask your kids to pack the plate their father used to eat?

You said you have married for a long time and you are focusing on this type of petty thing like packing of plate your husband used to eat, and there are grown children in the house?

I recognize that you are also under pressure and overwhelmed, most especially due to your last child needing special care and you will be better if your husband is by your side always going through all these together. But you also need to realize that you have areas you need to improve to draw your husband back to you.

1. Stop comparing him to anybody.
2. Recognize his struggle with his health including the ADHD or depression. Don't nag with every petty things. Don't be the source of his crisis trigger.
3. Showing him more love and care. Help him out where it appears he is not taking initiative. Give him that feeling that you cherish, respect and care for him.
4. Sex part, start initiating the sex. Nothing to be ashamed off. After a while, he will get back to initiating it with you.
5. You have access to his money, get house help if you have to.
6. If he goes into the silent mode, initiate the settlement talks, ask him what the problem is.

If you continue in your current path, I am sorry, you cannot get a solution to the problems in your home. You just have to change your tactics.

May God uphold your home once again.

Graduate2015:
No one is comparing anyone to anyone. I just mentioned that to indicate that even if u are not capable of doing chores, atleast be buying gadgets or be good in any other things. Time has gone when men only go to work. If he was single, won't he clean his plates or his room or even cook food, wash his clothes and pay his bills?
My dad cooks, wakes up at night to check up on us and when we were sick he was there at night with us.

My sister, you are just displaying same observation I made again in this your response. You are comparing your husband to other men in their marriages and to your father.

People are different. Everyone has their good and bad sides. Even you, you are not perfect. You have some things other women do better than you. Do you think it's good for your husband to forget about your good traits and focus on comparing your shortcomings with other women around you?

One person has told you again here that you can never get a perfect husband or wife. If you keep hoping your husband will be like all men in this world or like your father, I am sorry, you are just very unrealistic.