₦airaland Forum

RomanGreen:
Where did your get the stats that white men and black women are the most successful? Please point me to your reference.

She is just displaying the exact thing the topic is addressing. Hating on Black men while ass-licking the white men.

BloomingDale:
Running to Africa for which men? The men that can’t develop their society. Ayam not understanding. Black women are opening up their options to other races of men, so now there is a rise in interracial relationships and marriages amongst black women. Meanwhile the black men are trying to stem the tide them by saying they are Hebrew Israelites and they are not supposed to marry outside their race. Meanwhile the men gave themselves a loophole to marry out of the race by saying you are the seed of your father. You see how devious that can be?

Nobody says people should not do interracial marriages. But that doesn't mean people should become toxic, hateful, bitter and talk down their own race. This is what the topic is all about.

You see majority of this self race-hatred you are showing here among we blacks. What is wrong with us black people?

Ishilove:
Why are we discussing about black American women?

It's worth discussing because many Nigerian women are just a click away from that madness. And many Nigerian women are already towing same path not knowing what they're following.

Toxic women are all over nairaland too. Hiding under feminism but displaying men-hating and general toxicity and frustrations.

No problem if each party help each other when it's obvious the partner needs the help. But each party must know their primary responsibility.

Those statements up there sound too general, like a man must share house chores with the wife even when she is watching Telemundo and the man is working his ass off to provide for the family.

efficiencie:
Ladies and Gentlemen, no man or woman has it all. There will always be a cost for every great attribute your spouse has. If you leave your current spouse in search of another because of a flaw in his or her life you will keep changing spouses forever and ever because there is no individual that does not come with his/her unique assets and liabilities. You just have to find that special partner whose assets you are content with and whose liabilities you are willing to manage till death do you part.

Thank you. She is comparing her husband to her friends husband.

bukatyne:
I don't have a problem with the help if she wants it; she should however be responsible enough to ensure there is food as at when due and her husband gets the required rest.

I don't agree that he should just give her house help because she wants it. If she is overwhelmed, and they can afford it, yes.

Giving her house help just because she wants will lead to maltreatment of the house help. Such people that are lazy or have time management problems themselves will turn the house help to a slave in the house.

BusinessPlan22:
go marry a slave

Are you commenting based on what OP wrote up there or based on another thing outside what is up there?

sisisioge:
Hmmmm....you are already screwed, he won't care unless he remotely care about the upkeep of his keeps.

1. You could copy his UCI and his passport number to write to Canada immigration siting that dude is deserting you and the kids without any care to fork up his move. You could do this once he lands too to forkup his settling. This is nasty as he would have to fight tooth and nail to stay in the country and maintain credibility....just keep stalking him and writing to all the interfaces: employers, immigration, etc.

Downside of this, he already doesn't want you so this will further strengthen his dislike of you. He won't even have means to care for the kids...work will be hard, settling down will be hard. Canada is not like US, your documentation follows you everywhere. He may even hate the kids. And he may go after your life too cos you'd be literally going after his...

2. You could mellow now and work out something with him that will be good for the kids. Guy no longer wants you...no need to salvage what is gone. Rather, get him into wanting to do right by his kids.

If I were you, I would do number two. Calm down and have a discussion on how to address the matters you have in common.

I too will advise number 2.

Interesting

You mentioned he has bipolar depression.
You mentioned many good things about him
You mentioned many things you hope he could change.

My advise to you is to focus more on his good sides. And acknowledge that he has a problem, the bipolar issue. Don't be the trigger of his crisis. Help him when it appears he is down.

You are comparing him to your friends husband. That is a red flag right there. You didn't marry your friends husband. He cannot be like your friends husband. People are different.

Acknowledge him as whom he is, acknowledge his predicament, show him more love and compassion.

I guess from your write up that you complain and nagg a bipolar depression patient and expect the person not to withdraw from everything around you. Not possible. Drop your level of complaint and nagging. Show more understanding, care and you will be surprised how most of these issues will disappear.

Anyway, your answer is that no way to force him to take you along or send any upkeep.

You better soft pedal your approach on him now before you lose completely.

It's difficult for a man to abandon a wife that has been good to him in Nigeria to travel to Canada. And I don't believe he will abandon the children. He will come for them later after he settled down in Canada.

Another thought is that the man might want to travel alone first, settle down and come back for the wife and children when he has found his feet in Canada. But the wife might be thinking he just wants to abandon them.

bfn1:
3 months

By Nigeria Police, it's valid for 3 months but by NVC and Embassy, it is currently valid for 2 years.

https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/us-visas/immigrate/the-immigrant-visa-process/step-5-collect-financial-evidence-and-other-supporting-documents/step-7-collect-civil-documents.html

Blessedmercy8:
I never said that. There must be a reason she's always too tired for it which the op already mentioned that it all started after their first child. You think it's easy to cater for those children that can be a handful most times and still have the stamina to come and be having sex everyday?

It's easy for the Op to be talking like this because his own is only to go to work and come back to already set home and meal. Only the woman will do all that. Abeg it's not easy.

Go back and read what OP posted again. This time around read with no sentiment or urge to defend the woman. See things from both sides of the parties. Maybe that will help you not to be too fast to take side and be defending the woman. And base your advise on only the information provided by the OP. No stereotype, no generalization, no assumption.

Blessedmercy8:
Hehehehhee... This op no serious. So all the activities in the schedule you created for her is all on her neck and hers to do. while your own is just to come and nack for one hour? Hahahahaha.. .. funny.

Maybe you think she's a robot that can consistently carry out those task everyday without any lapses.

Op, wehdon, Mr knacker.

So, sex once in 2 months is okay for a married couple living under same roof? Wait until when you marry before you understand.

From what you stated, it appears she has issues with time management.

This, you should help her to adjust her schedule as much as practicable. If you must stand your ground on it. Please do. You people are still in early stage of your marriage. Or what I call the comfort zone of the marriage where all parties will show their true selves. At this stage, you will see each other in 3D. You must be firm and lovingly correct your partner over those their true selves that you don't like.

So, on time management, coach her lovingly and but be firm until she gets it.

You didn't tell us about how big the house is, how active the kids are that can prevent her from doing other things while watching the kids. You didn't also tell us how she spends most of her day. Is she busy or just watching Telemundo all day? If she is busy through out the day, get her a house help (if you can afford it).

On the sex, sex of 2 years in 4 years is not healthy, most especially as you are complaining about it. Call her and discuss it with her. She is your wife, both of you must be able to discuss your sex life freely.

After the discussion, try to understand her love language. I guess you should know them by now. Play the love language regularly. See, many men forget how they woo their girlfriend when she becomes their wife. They become complacent in playing those love languages. Before you know it, the love relationship between them and their wives becomes boring. Spice things up! Both of you are in the prime of it.

Ovieemmanuel:
You did not suspect that your pole reduced due to low pressure since the lines had not been flown. And you are suspecting the well.

Ilekokonit:
My Ex was also not a bad person before I took her from Naija with her having no degree and took her to London, educated her, gave her UK pali and after 10 years she changed and became uncontrollable to the point that she has turned my 2 kids against me including the one we had in Naija and brought over as a baby.

These women hide and never show their bad demonic sides when they are still in Naija but the UK na the playground of demonic wives so your brothers wife WILL change sooner or later. My own Ex waited 10 years after I took her to the UK to fully change into someone I could no longer live in the same house with and by 10 years I don give am UK pali which was by then non revocable. Checkmate.

Hmm. I noticed you were talking from experience up there.

Na wah ooo. Wife went on solo vacation for close to 1 month. Husband noticed the place don slack.

In my opinion, 1 month marathon taking of new size can alter the regular size

It will take another few months of abstaining from the big bottle for regular size to return.

I am not saying your wife is cheating ooo.

GeorgeNora:
you're a fool.
how sexual harassment take enter this matter?
idiot

Persistent after the woman said NO is sexual harassment.

Legal redress It's like he doesn't want to graduate in the next 10 years until the case is concluded in court. And he will still lose the case.

The lecturer told him to stop and he continued. That's sexual harassment!

If the lecturer has accepted his offer, the ethical process still means he should be assigned to another supervisor because the lady supervisor will be compromised in delivering adequate project supervision based on their love affairs.

In other words, any angle you look at it. He is destined for another year the moment he went beyond his boundaries.

crackhaus:
That woman is not interested in that marriage anymore, quote me anywhere.

I think the woman has moved on too but the husband is yet to come to reality.

Ilekokonit:
But now if I get girlfriend or new wife wey slap me, I no go touch am. I go just go outside go call Metropolitan police and tell them I have just been assaulted and within 5 minutes they will come to arrest her.

Now na police I dey take treat women Bleep up for London and its my way of treating them with their own coin and also so that they will go and tell their female folk that some men in the UK no mind send their wives or girlfriends go jail even if only for one night.

This is it. Laws against violence doesn't have "For women only" written on them.

Men should know this and use the laws when a woman is the violent one.

He did well not retaliating.

The wife's frustration is understood, because he missed their fertility appointment. Though the wife was wrong to have slapped him too.

He should go back home, explain why he missed the appointment and apologize. But he should be firm with her that the slap is not necessary, and must never be repeated for whatever reason. Physical violence or abuse from any gender must not be tolerated

Lol. Interesting. It's like the wife has already moved on. Though there are many details left out, but based on the information you provided.

Since the man is now back to his job, he should tell the wife to come back home.

If the wife refuses, then he should end the marriage legally and remarry. Separation of 2 years is too long for a marriage.

Long distance marriage is not always easy to manage.

I see compatibility issue here. The wife wants to practice and live in western world and the man believes in building career in Nigeria.

The truth is that your brother should not be pressured to just abandon his career in Nigeria to join the wife without proper plans. And there was nothing he could have done to stop the wife from moving to the UK since that is what she wanted.

If he decides to move to the U.S. or UK, he should complete all professional examination required of him to practice in the new country while he is still in Nigeria. So that when he arrived the new country, he can begin his professional career immediately. He should never relocate only based on a woman's promise. Otherwise, he will regret it. Like some people are already saying, the woman might already be tired of the marriage, going by all her threat.

If he decides to stay back in Nigeria, he should just let the woman go. 99pct chance the woman will not want to come back to Nigeria.

Emotional, verbal and physical abuse are all bad for everyone and should not be tolerated.

No man or woman should endure any of these abuse.

We all know many men tend to be guilty of physical abuse while many women tend to be guilty of verbal abuse. Both parties can be guilty of emotional abuse.

No man or woman should endure abuse. Men should also speak out or use legal system to help themselves if they find themselves in any of these abuse

"For women only" is not written on the laws that settle emotional, verbal or physical abuse. Everyone can use the laws for protection if need arises.

You saw all the red flags in courtship and you went ahead to marry her. You were full time bread winner and she was full time housewife.

She does not respect you. She does not love you. You cannot even ask her a simple question without receiving nasty altitudes.

You have 4 kids together, but if you ask your kids to do something, she challenges your authority. You have put up with this for 16 years!

Oga, marriage is not by force. If marriage cannot make you happy, it's better you are single. See, that woman will not change. You deserve a better and peaceful life. There are still many good women out there that will do you better. Life is short to be endured with an undeserving partner.

I have witnessed this type of marriage before where the woman only married the man out of pity, with no elements of love or feelings involved. The man suffered in the marriage for close to 10years until the woman brought in another man. That was when the man left the marriage and seeked for divorce. The affected man married another woman 2 years later and has been happier since.

I don't understand the west. You hate Russia, you sanctioned everything from Russia but you want Russian gas.

You also want to dictate how much Russia should sell their gas to you while you cripple all means to buy the gas through dollars and euro.

Russia shut off her gas and you start crying victims.

Ladymaceral:
My blue jet came this morning. It's a baby boy.
Labour pain was hell but God was faithful.

Kudos to all the mothers in the house. You guys are amazing

Congratulations Madam!

I can see you are doing well

Hahahaha!

One of the reasons men should appreciate women in their life.

Thumbs up to all mothers!

NotsonewMary:
I think drbabsok is already in the US though, I might be wrong. Seems he/she came into the US on an H1B visa, then the employer filed an EB2 visa on his behalf.

Oh. I see.