₦airaland Forum

Blessedmercy8:
I don't even know what you men think you are that a woman has to chop shit to be with you. Apart from money and luxury of life, what else does a woman need you men for? True, I no see the thing o.

Free me abeg

@the bolded. Sister, any man reasonable man will not take you seriously with this mindset.

This is like a man telling a lady he is only interested in her body alone.

There is more to relationship than sex, body, money and luxury your partner can provide you.

Blessedmercy8:
See them crying for a partner that will grow with them as if they are going to remain loyal when the growth comes.

You wanna know the honest truth why ladies don't like to start with Nigerian guys? Most of them ain't loyal. Once the money starts rolling in, they abandon the one that struggled with them and go after another woman. See Usifo, yul Enochie and Frank Edoho to mention but a few. See how these men unrepentantly cheated on their wives and abandoned them the moment fame and money came. Forgetting how these women "grew" with them. So, which lady or girl after seeing all these would want to start with any struggling man? It's not worth it!

I don't even know what you men think you are that a woman has to chop shit to be with you. Apart from money and luxury of life, what else does a woman need you men for? True, I no see the thing o.

Free me abeg

First of all, celebrity entertainer marriages are never a good standard of marriages all over the world

Having said that, stop focusing on bad ones and generalizing on bad examples. What about the goods ones?

Ibechris2:
I am sure many of u may be wondering what have i come to say again.

Men,I mean Nigerian men sex is not everything,big bum bum is not everything,after all these stuffs come responsibilities.

Hard pill to swallow:

You should either have a supportive partner or no partner.

This is because I have seen the effect of one income especially those that are not substantial enough to cater for a typical Nigerian family.

For those that are yet to marry,pls marry someone who is ready to help u grow financially,marriage is indeed a good thing no doubt,but marry with sense not just for beauty,go for someone who is noble and gracious in character.

The economy has so far exposed alot of family to an unfortunate situation where many now have to beg to survive,we may pretend as if its not true,but the amount of loans owed to online lenders is a testament to that fact.

Remember that a King needs a Queen.

Good submission

And if you know you cannot get enough evidence to proof at least 4 of the 10 criteria, with reputable recommendations letters, don't bother yourself. This is not regular student and visit visa categories.

Apart the high cost, you must proof extra ordinary abilities to get these.

And the way our people will start manufacturing evidences by the time everyone knows about this route, the USCIS might have to create a separate office to handle our cases.

This is it. Another teenager's thread. His fellow teenage boys are rushing into the thread to push black women-hating forgetting their mothers, sisters aunts are all blacks.

On the opposite sides are teenager girls arguing with him.

You people can display your ignorance as you wish here but stop pushing hate on opposite gender. Stop pushing hate against your own race, this is the lowest self-esteem you can ever have.

I am waiting for that nairaland "moderator" that will push this rubbish to front page again.

GenderMix:
No doubt money is very key to sustaining a marriage. Infact it's one of the key ingredients that can help grease love. The lack of money can make love go sour...lol...

Having said that, marriage has an ultimate aim which is for companionship. As far as both of you have the drive to succeed and are not lazy and can cut you cloth according to your size then the amount may just be inconsequential.

If the man earns 100k, he has the qualities you like and is focused then you can start with that. Just ensure he has common sense and listens to advise. It doesn't matter if as a lady you earn higher than him. You guys should have plans and execute them together. Just encourage him by supporting him financially. Just assist him but let him be the one to take care of the major bills.

Plan around the money you earn. Don't live above your means. There are pragmatic means you can adopt to cut cost. Forget the pressure around, most of what you see are illusions. Just focus on your happiness.

I wish you best of luck.

OP, this is the advise you need. And ignore that teenager up there.

When elders says "what kind of friendship can be between a tiger and a dog", children of nowadays will not understand. This is your case.
You went on a romantic outing with your "online female friend" when you are preparing for your wedding. Honestly you don't deserve that your wife. You are a cheater.

You have already entered the trap if truly "your online girlfriend" and her mother set you up.

You have to be firm with your "online girlfriend" and her family that you have someone to marry. When she delivers the baby, then you can confirm if you are truly the father.

As for your fiancee, come out clean to her and her family. But don't do it all alone by yourself. Open up to your family first. Then, elders in your family should help you brake the news to her family and seek forgiveness.

I pray your fiancee and her family forgives you.

And I hope you have learned your lesson and will not continue cheating on your wife after the marriage.

All the best!

Congratulations!

Here is wishing your home, peace and all bliss of marriage.

Well done!

jeromestarks:
If you didn't disvirgin your wife, then at least one of your children is not your own.
Prepare to spend your hard earned money on a child you didn't father.
Note that as soon as her ex shows up, she will fvck him again and again.
Once a woman starts misbehaving, know that she has started seeing another man.
The woman who loves you will not stress you.
God bless Nigeria.

This is completely not necessary here.

Lol. She will collect the guy's thing join.

Marriage is not meant for everyone. It's best some people remain single forever.

However, if those that marriage is meant for, end up marrying someone right for them and they both married each other for the right reasons, marriage is good to be blissful to them.

And a "moderator" pushed this nonsense to front page.

OP, please pick only matured advise here (as I have seen them already) and ignore men and women haters here. Those haters will only make your problem worse at home.

Newborn27:
Reading through your post, I can perceive that you're a Yoruba man.

Firstly I'd like to caution you on this which I'm glad your conscience had already dealt with you....no matter how heated up the argument may be or how furious you might seem......DO NOT RAISE YOUR HANDS AGAINST THE WOMAN YOU LOVED......the best thing at that point is to take a deep breath.....and walk away, after some hours.... come back home and talk it out in a calm manner, then apologize where necessary to enable peace in your home.*looto omo ale loma n rinu ti koni bi...paapajulo ti o ba ti je lori oro iya eni....sugbon...ko soun ti suuru kii yanju.


Hint - no matter the amount of love of a woman has for her spouse...once you raise your hand against her....it will depreciate and she'd always reminiscence on that except if you make up with greater affection in future. Furthermore, no matter who's at fault... people will never be on your side once you lay your hands on her...oti jebi


On her part...... she's a new bride....I hope you remembered she hasn't been to a husband's house before and all she had was her biological parents no in-laws.....she might flop sometimes...grow with her in her new lifestyle... correct her in love ...as time goes by...she'd adjust....about her aggressiveness.... kindly accept her for who she is since no human is perfect....you perseverance can change her personality..... it might take time... marriage is not a bed of roses.... you should be there for one another when it's sour and rosy.



Lastly.... before I comment on your post.... I've been having some monickers that would come out to attack you in mind....and they never fail to disappoint....dem don land already...lol
Be ready for their bashing because they have a team and follow one another like ant and sugar....do not take their bashing to heart.... instead...pick few things that can help your home and move on.....one thing I realized about these set of people is that.....some of them never had a home or had been jilted hence they unleashed their frustrations on every erring male.... while little among them are like that due to their exposure living in a saner clime(which I'm envious of) they feel irritated at domestic violence cos they feel its abnormal which I'm in support of.


In conclusion, try to keep your extended family away from your home..... I'm not saying you should neglect them or not visit....but do things moderately....e get why.


Make I stop here.

Thank you. Well said.

OP, I can imagine how broken you must be by now.

You have married another man's wife honestly.

1. For your sanity, please separate from that woman for now.

2. Carry out DNA test on the kids to confirm their parternity.

3. If the kids are yours, you are lucky. Then plan to take care of the kids.

4. Divorce the woman before you lose your life in that marriage.

You and the kids will be fine. Leave the woman for the owner.

Godmother:
Yes, people need to be wary, which is why I felt I just had to come back to drop that last post.

Years ago, I was a young lady tormented by great fear of the marriage institution. Every marriage I had seen was plagued by pain and sadness (or maybe I focused too much on the bad).


It took me several years to get to this point (endless pain and confusion, not to mention the missed opportunities) I'm hoping it takes her just a day to see the truth of marriage

You have done well to come back to give updates and I am glad you took the best of the advise giving to you then.

Many people on this forum are in similar state as you were, but they focus only on negative experiences to say "marriage is bad", "marriage is this and that", "men are scum", "Nigerian girls are useless" etc on here.

I just hope folks here apply wisdom in sieving comments on here when they seek advise.

Ishilove:
After leading some impressionable people astray, you got over your fear and still went ahead to marry. This is why I carefully sieve what I allow influence me on social media because if one is not careful, one will be lead into a pit.

You can say this again and again.

Stargurl20:
Even spouses. I will never check my future hubby's phone, except he ask me too, or in a case of emergency. He should also do the same with me.

Wait until you are married and your husband agrees to it first.

silibaba:
Imagine your own wife flirting with another man. Is this how you will handle the situation?

In marriage, you don't make hasty decision based on "suspicion" or "this type of evidence". The evidence here is not strong enough for a man that value his home to destroy it.

People have different perspectives to things in life based on so many reasons. His wife might see nothing wrong in phone flirting based on her perspective of life.

That is why OP needs to investigate more. If after more evidence points to cheating, he can do whatever he wants. Divorce is his personal decision then and should not be based on what strangers like us think here.

1stGenAmerican:
It’s causing sea levels to rise and will eventually flood coastal cities.

This is an informative article on the subject:
https://www.nbcboston.com/news/local/new-report-outlines-plans-to-prepare-east-boston-charlestown-for-sea-level-rise/2808143/

The City of Boston released Friday a new report that outlines plans to boost coastal resilience to flooding, focusing on parts of East Boston and Charlestown

The newly released report take a closer look at the coastal flood risk in the two neighborhoods, options to mitigate that risk and timelines to implement possible solutions in an effort to guide the developments of flood protection projects in the future. The city has now completed coastal resilience plans for all 47-miles of its coastline.

The Coastal Resilience Solutions for East Boston and Charlestown (Phase II) focuses in particular on the risks associated with sea level rise and storm surge, proposing ways to respond while also providing additional resources to community members. Proposed projects that the plan outlines include landscaped berms, elevating parts of the Harborwalk and raising roads to protect critical infrastructure.

"Climate adaptation presents an opportunity to create a resilient, climate-ready waterfront that advances priorities for open space, mobility, affordable housing, social and racial equity, and natural resource conservation,” Mayor Michelle Wu said in a news release. "This report lays out a community-driven vision for Boston’s coastline to be resilient, accessible, and protected."

The new report is the latest part of the city's ongoing push to prepare for climate change impacts. Climate Ready Boston features specific mitigation tactics for neighborhoods across the city, addressing everything from increasing heat to flood barriers.

"Building climate resilient communities requires an understanding of the deep impact climate change will have on our neighborhoods," District 6 City Councilor and Chair of the Environmental Justice, Resiliency & Parks Committee Kendra Lara said. "This project assesses the immediate concerns brought to our attention by the Climate Ready Boston report and presents necessary long-term solutions. This is a bold step toward protecting residents of Boston and promoting environmental sustainability."

What do you say to this? Co founder of Weather Channel said Climate change is just a hoax.

https://rumble.com/v17p77a-scientist-and-weather-channel-founder-john-coleman-punks-brian-seltzer-on-c.html

Kobojunkie:
You don't seem to understand any of what I stated, do you?

How many of the Nigerian men who are now married to another woman after abandoning their previous families are counted as divorce cases in Nigeria?
How many of the Nigerian women who are now married to another man after abandoning their previous marriages are counted as divorce cases in Nigeria?
How many of the women who were returned to their father's homes by their husbands are counted as divorce cases in Nigeria?
How many of the men who demanded a return on the bride price paid have those incidents recorded as divorce cases in Nigeria?
In parts of Northern Nigeria, divorce is granted after a spouse publicly renounces the other a number of times, however, are these divorce cases recorded and officially tracked?

All the cases listed above take place regularly in Nigeria, yet almost none of them are registered official as divorce cases in the country. So how do you expect to compare the divorce rate in western countries where pretty much all cases of divorce are recorded, to divorce in a country like Nigeria where majority of the divorce that happens takes place off the books?

Many of us know at least one person or another whose former spouse abandoned so many years, even decades ago, yet still not officially divorced. Yet you think you can compare Nigeria's divorce rate in Nigeria where the bulk goes untracked to the official rate in Western countries. If you are honest with yourself, you will know that the divorce rate is pretty much the same if properly tracked.

I agree with you that Nigerian statistics might not be accurate if the source of the data is from Nigerian statistics office based on official reports. But based on public survey data, Nigeria has better marriage rates compared to many western countries official data. It's just like saying Nigeria has same level of same sex marriage compared to all western countries because all our marriages data are not officially reported.

That link I shared was just to tell you that marriage rates and divorce rates are not same everywhere in the world.

Teaveapoet:
I am reading this post and am laughing � and I am trying not to believe this is true.
Haa, don't play with fire ooh. Marriage is not bread and butter, It can be frustrating at times when you can provide, and misunderstanding can happen if you're not mature to handle some intelligent conversation but getting married because of a physical attribute is a no-no. with time that buttock will not be attractive anymore... That innocent-looking church girl will turn Margaret Thatcher For the sake of your sanity. I repeat don't try it. And for the sake of your own family, don't marry because of physical features.

Listen to this person and other similar comments.

I will not say physical attraction should not be considered to marry someone but its just one of other important attributes. Compatibility is the umbrella for other important factors.
What is your compatibility on reasoning, on ambition, on education level, perspectives on local and global issues? Do you share similar interests? Do you share similar beliefs? And of course what kind of love do you share? Is it lust after body and love after money?

Kobojunkie:
The percentage of working marriages in the western world mirrors the percentage in Nigeria. Don't be deceived by the fact that there's is clearly defined in their statistics whereas that in Nigeria is not as clearly defined. If you consider the rate of marriage abandonment, and the silent"unofficial" divorces in Nigeria, you will find the marriage trend is no different no matter where on the planet you go.

Here you go. This gives you overview that rates are not same everywhere.

https://www.statista.com/topics/797/weddings-and-marriage/?#topicHeader__wrapper

Nigeria has about 70pct of couples living together according to that statistics.

The moi-moi issue is simple. Stop giving him the house moi-moi.

The major issue is the part where he said you are only good for sex and food. On this, look for elderly men in your families with stable homes to talk senses into him. That's after you have hard an heart to heart discussions with him on the matter.

Marriage is between 2 partners working together respectively to build a home and in extension the society.

Madmazel99:
Your problem is that you two seems to be in some sort of competition with each other. Trying to out best each other in insults, threats and curses.

Have you ever thought of doing the opposite of what you have in your mind when trouble is looming? Instead of insisting on your brother to stay, can't you tell him to go and come back?

Why creating unnecessary tension when you could have easily cool it down and move on from that? Una two like trouble. Always want to prove a point with every situation.


Tell your brother to go and come back. Simple.

Exactly

The juju part is another problem here because many Nigerian spiritualists have shattered many homes from their nonsense "vision"

OP, apart from the juju part, what I see all over your write up is that you and your husband argue over minor things.

My sincere advise to you both is to be careful how you apply western world teaching to your marriage. I said this because you are living abroad. Before you follow western marriage teachings, please check out how well it's working for them. The statistics are there. Just Google percentage of working marriages in the western world and compare it to other countries not practicing western culture of marriages. Then check the percentage of western population who wants to marry and compare to other countries.

You said the marriage was good for first 5 years, ask yourself what major changes happened after the first 5 years.

pocohantas:
Some issues are not worth it.

Your family members are in Cameroon. Meaning your brother can easily go home and return.

So what is all the drama for? Let him go home and come back when your in-laws are gone. I think that is what a sensible adult should do without being told.

100 percent correct on the current issue

Stargurl20:
How can partners be checking each other's phones?

You mean boyfriend and girlfriend relationship?