₦airaland Forum

Saynoomore:
Nice thread. A colleague spoke with me about this route a couple of months ago.

I read through and it sounded quite interesting. However, this is the only condition that I'm finding a bit confusing:

"Membership of an association or group that sets a high achievement threshold to qualify"

What kinds of membership would probably suffice for this? Nigerian Academy of Science? Haaaa!

This is in two prongs.

1. An association in your field that sets high achievements standard before you can join. E.g For actors, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. For Musicians, The Recording Academy. Or their equivalents in your country of nationality or residence and in your field.

2. Association that set minimum standards to join but high standards to rise to highest or certain cadre of its membership. E.g. Accountants in Nigeria, ICAN, and fellow ICAN members. If you are at ICAN lowest membership level, USCIS will not accept it because there are millions of people at that level in Nigeria.

There are many professionals associations in the world but above methodology is how USCIS considers applications for this criteria.

Iyaroyuwa123:
Being a single mum is a beautiful experience .

You lost me here.

jamznato:
God bless you.
I see even your wife u love is just fake love this day. Imagine all these mentality nobody is sering the positive side. She is there concerned her own using children as excuse trying to cash out when food never done. No man will abadan his kids most especially wen the woman is good to him. Get sense madam. Everybody cannot go at once because of fund. I seen many times where husband left, he start sending money for school and upkeep when things is ok. Thats good wife praying for him to succeed. Then she and her kids later came over. It is easier like that in most cases. But if money berekete everyone can go at house as Personal Resident. The country is hard he is securing a better future for the family, don't stop him. You will regret it if you try it. Encourage him and pray for him. Women have also gone ahead then import their husband and kids. Stay away from bad friends engineering you to destroy your family. When ur sons and daughter now have matured sense they will not forgive you for this opportunity dad had to better their life but was aborted by you. This of which will lead to children self struggling to make it in life in this hard economy or country without clear future. When a player pass football age and nothing is achieve much, strength disappear, if him no hang him boot, him boot go hang am by force then water go pass garri for everyone. You can talk with him. Kids also should talk daddy remember us, help us when you get there and settle down. With prayer everybody go chop breakfast
Thank me later

God bless you too. You have spoken well too.

Daniel needs to understand the person that can love him the most in this world is his mother. The mother is looking out for him and advising him from experience.

I know single mother deserves to be loved oo, but is Daniel ready for all issues that can spring up later?

He needs to sit down with his mother and understand all the mother's concerns. Take all of them and investigate the single mother, her ex husband or baby daddy, etc before he jumps into fire.

And by the way, Daniel can never become the children's biological father by marriage to their mother.

He should reason with his head and not with his third leg.

GUNITGuy:
Thank you Queen Elizabeth 2 for giving Nigeria Independence and most of the common wealth countries

Why don't you also thank her on behalf of her ancestors that enslaved black people?

We black people love to celebrate our oppressors.

How many British people mourn with us when our monarch in Nigeria passes.

See my people saying "rest in peace GrandMa" all over internet.

Only us don't understand this world.

Let us see how many Arab, Chinese, Asian people that carry "RIP Queen Elizabeth" for head like us.

If you don't know history of the world, please shut up and stop standing with your forefather's oppressor.

This woman has said nothing but the truth.

We Black people need to read history of this world to understand what she said.

Black people need to read history of this world.

This woman said the bitter truth and I expect all Black people to stand with her.

Graduate2015:
Waoo waoo u are truly an Analysist just like ur username. I'm going to copy ur suggestions and read them everyday to keep myself in check because it can be very frustrating. I used my time to research on adult ADHD and that's is my husband. He forgets things, once he is home he is always looking for his phone. Everything about Adult ADHD is my home. I also read experiences of partners living with them and that's my life. They turn u into a nag as that's the only way things can get done around the house. They also mention that they can also suffer from bipolar disorder and sometimes both are interwoven. I have been complaining that he doesn't listen when I'm talking to him or even when I ask him to do something he will just forgets it. He doesn't remember any of our children's date of birth. I have researched about ADHD in kids as we suspect my son has it. He is constantly on the move especially in daycare that they cant cope. He can't sit still for more than 2mins. I also remember my husband saying how he never entered class in early stages of primary school as he was busy playing around and can't even remember where his class was. Thank you for this insight. I pray he reads about adult adhd and acknowledges that's his problem. I've always imagined why he just can't organise, manage himself or pay his bills.

This one kind of ties in with relationship woes, because it has to do with a person’s emotions. Someone with ADHD will experience a constant flux in their emotions. One minute they are up, the next they are down. It’s also closely associated with some of the other symptoms on this list, such as being easily distracted or unable to focus. “You can easily become bored and go looking for excitement on a whim. Small frustrations can seem intolerable or bring on depression and mood swings,” explains Healthline. These kinds of unstable emotions can cause an array of problems both in your personal and professional life.

In relation to this, Health.com also explains that adults with ADHD might suffer from a short fuse, or quick temper. They will have trouble controlling their emotions in heated situations and find themselves easily frustrated and fuming mad one second, then completely over it the next. This symptom is tricky and is easily misconstrued as bipolar disorder. In fact, Health.com notes that often times people with ADHD are misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I am glad you got good advise from this thread.

God will uphold your home and family

GerogeI:
Get a house help. Instead of destroying your home trying to correct what.
If madam is not into it, get a side chick too. Keep everybody happy!

So he should start cheating because "madam is not into it"? Will you also say a married woman should get side Bobo "if oga is not into it"?

BloomingDale:
Check out any videos or write ups talking about interracial relationships, it’s mostly the black men insulting the black women. Even the white people are fed up with the dynamics and coming out to support the black women against the black men. Check this forum as example, it’s mostly the men insulting* the women. Once in a while wh3n it gets too much I come out to insult the men insulting the women.

No. It's both ways. Some black men insult black women and vice versa. And white are complaining about these two set of black Men and women. You hardly see white people hating on themselves for whatever reason. But you see some black women hating black men and vice versa. You see black akata hating on black Africans and vice versa.

And that's why I ask what is wrong with us black people

RomanGreen:
Where did your get the stats that white men and black women are the most successful? Please point me to your reference.

She is just displaying the exact thing the topic is addressing. Hating on Black men while ass-licking the white men.

BloomingDale:
Running to Africa for which men? The men that can’t develop their society. Ayam not understanding. Black women are opening up their options to other races of men, so now there is a rise in interracial relationships and marriages amongst black women. Meanwhile the black men are trying to stem the tide them by saying they are Hebrew Israelites and they are not supposed to marry outside their race. Meanwhile the men gave themselves a loophole to marry out of the race by saying you are the seed of your father. You see how devious that can be?

Nobody says people should not do interracial marriages. But that doesn't mean people should become toxic, hateful, bitter and talk down their own race. This is what the topic is all about.

You see majority of this self race-hatred you are showing here among we blacks. What is wrong with us black people?

Ishilove:
Why are we discussing about black American women?

It's worth discussing because many Nigerian women are just a click away from that madness. And many Nigerian women are already towing same path not knowing what they're following.

Toxic women are all over nairaland too. Hiding under feminism but displaying men-hating and general toxicity and frustrations.

No problem if each party help each other when it's obvious the partner needs the help. But each party must know their primary responsibility.

Those statements up there sound too general, like a man must share house chores with the wife even when she is watching Telemundo and the man is working his ass off to provide for the family.

efficiencie:
Ladies and Gentlemen, no man or woman has it all. There will always be a cost for every great attribute your spouse has. If you leave your current spouse in search of another because of a flaw in his or her life you will keep changing spouses forever and ever because there is no individual that does not come with his/her unique assets and liabilities. You just have to find that special partner whose assets you are content with and whose liabilities you are willing to manage till death do you part.

Thank you. She is comparing her husband to her friends husband.

bukatyne:
I don't have a problem with the help if she wants it; she should however be responsible enough to ensure there is food as at when due and her husband gets the required rest.

I don't agree that he should just give her house help because she wants it. If she is overwhelmed, and they can afford it, yes.

Giving her house help just because she wants will lead to maltreatment of the house help. Such people that are lazy or have time management problems themselves will turn the house help to a slave in the house.

BusinessPlan22:
go marry a slave

Are you commenting based on what OP wrote up there or based on another thing outside what is up there?

sisisioge:
Hmmmm....you are already screwed, he won't care unless he remotely care about the upkeep of his keeps.

1. You could copy his UCI and his passport number to write to Canada immigration siting that dude is deserting you and the kids without any care to fork up his move. You could do this once he lands too to forkup his settling. This is nasty as he would have to fight tooth and nail to stay in the country and maintain credibility....just keep stalking him and writing to all the interfaces: employers, immigration, etc.

Downside of this, he already doesn't want you so this will further strengthen his dislike of you. He won't even have means to care for the kids...work will be hard, settling down will be hard. Canada is not like US, your documentation follows you everywhere. He may even hate the kids. And he may go after your life too cos you'd be literally going after his...

2. You could mellow now and work out something with him that will be good for the kids. Guy no longer wants you...no need to salvage what is gone. Rather, get him into wanting to do right by his kids.

If I were you, I would do number two. Calm down and have a discussion on how to address the matters you have in common.

I too will advise number 2.

Interesting

You mentioned he has bipolar depression.
You mentioned many good things about him
You mentioned many things you hope he could change.

My advise to you is to focus more on his good sides. And acknowledge that he has a problem, the bipolar issue. Don't be the trigger of his crisis. Help him when it appears he is down.

You are comparing him to your friends husband. That is a red flag right there. You didn't marry your friends husband. He cannot be like your friends husband. People are different.

Acknowledge him as whom he is, acknowledge his predicament, show him more love and compassion.

I guess from your write up that you complain and nagg a bipolar depression patient and expect the person not to withdraw from everything around you. Not possible. Drop your level of complaint and nagging. Show more understanding, care and you will be surprised how most of these issues will disappear.

Anyway, your answer is that no way to force him to take you along or send any upkeep.

You better soft pedal your approach on him now before you lose completely.

It's difficult for a man to abandon a wife that has been good to him in Nigeria to travel to Canada. And I don't believe he will abandon the children. He will come for them later after he settled down in Canada.

Another thought is that the man might want to travel alone first, settle down and come back for the wife and children when he has found his feet in Canada. But the wife might be thinking he just wants to abandon them.

bfn1:
3 months

By Nigeria Police, it's valid for 3 months but by NVC and Embassy, it is currently valid for 2 years.

https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/us-visas/immigrate/the-immigrant-visa-process/step-5-collect-financial-evidence-and-other-supporting-documents/step-7-collect-civil-documents.html

Blessedmercy8:
I never said that. There must be a reason she's always too tired for it which the op already mentioned that it all started after their first child. You think it's easy to cater for those children that can be a handful most times and still have the stamina to come and be having sex everyday?

It's easy for the Op to be talking like this because his own is only to go to work and come back to already set home and meal. Only the woman will do all that. Abeg it's not easy.

Go back and read what OP posted again. This time around read with no sentiment or urge to defend the woman. See things from both sides of the parties. Maybe that will help you not to be too fast to take side and be defending the woman. And base your advise on only the information provided by the OP. No stereotype, no generalization, no assumption.

Blessedmercy8:
Hehehehhee... This op no serious. So all the activities in the schedule you created for her is all on her neck and hers to do. while your own is just to come and nack for one hour? Hahahahaha.. .. funny.

Maybe you think she's a robot that can consistently carry out those task everyday without any lapses.

Op, wehdon, Mr knacker.

So, sex once in 2 months is okay for a married couple living under same roof? Wait until when you marry before you understand.

From what you stated, it appears she has issues with time management.

This, you should help her to adjust her schedule as much as practicable. If you must stand your ground on it. Please do. You people are still in early stage of your marriage. Or what I call the comfort zone of the marriage where all parties will show their true selves. At this stage, you will see each other in 3D. You must be firm and lovingly correct your partner over those their true selves that you don't like.

So, on time management, coach her lovingly and but be firm until she gets it.

You didn't tell us about how big the house is, how active the kids are that can prevent her from doing other things while watching the kids. You didn't also tell us how she spends most of her day. Is she busy or just watching Telemundo all day? If she is busy through out the day, get her a house help (if you can afford it).

On the sex, sex of 2 years in 4 years is not healthy, most especially as you are complaining about it. Call her and discuss it with her. She is your wife, both of you must be able to discuss your sex life freely.

After the discussion, try to understand her love language. I guess you should know them by now. Play the love language regularly. See, many men forget how they woo their girlfriend when she becomes their wife. They become complacent in playing those love languages. Before you know it, the love relationship between them and their wives becomes boring. Spice things up! Both of you are in the prime of it.

Ovieemmanuel:
You did not suspect that your pole reduced due to low pressure since the lines had not been flown. And you are suspecting the well.

Ilekokonit:
My Ex was also not a bad person before I took her from Naija with her having no degree and took her to London, educated her, gave her UK pali and after 10 years she changed and became uncontrollable to the point that she has turned my 2 kids against me including the one we had in Naija and brought over as a baby.

These women hide and never show their bad demonic sides when they are still in Naija but the UK na the playground of demonic wives so your brothers wife WILL change sooner or later. My own Ex waited 10 years after I took her to the UK to fully change into someone I could no longer live in the same house with and by 10 years I don give am UK pali which was by then non revocable. Checkmate.

Hmm. I noticed you were talking from experience up there.

Na wah ooo. Wife went on solo vacation for close to 1 month. Husband noticed the place don slack.

In my opinion, 1 month marathon taking of new size can alter the regular size

It will take another few months of abstaining from the big bottle for regular size to return.

I am not saying your wife is cheating ooo.

GeorgeNora:
you're a fool.
how sexual harassment take enter this matter?
idiot

Persistent after the woman said NO is sexual harassment.