₦airaland Forum

OP, congratulations first. Happy Married Life.

You should have discussed all these before marriage, but all is still good.

Honestly, 5 body count is not bad in this age for a lady of 26 years. I hope she has told you all though. She might just tell you those to weigh your reactions. Now that you have reacted the way you did, you will not hear the rest.

Another thing I will advise you about is this. Since you kept yourself until marriage, stop further discussion of her sexual life and experience with her. You will definitely not be able to handle it. Also, please find ways to get experience about sex because your wife is more experienced than you. You need to quickly sharpen your skills in that department before madam starts losing interests in having it with you. Someone has suggested a whatsapp group. You can also find some experienced older men to give you some tips to quickly brush up your skills.

Marrying a virgin woman does not translate to faithfulness or better wife at home. What matters is the love, character, support,friendship and willingness to make sacrifices, brought to the table by the woman.

Enjoy your marriage bro. But stop further discussion of her past sexual life and quickly sharpened yourself up in that department.

weaseloo:
Hi guys,

What are the alternatives or way out for this family:

The visa interview date (eb2 niw application) has been released and the location is Lagos. But due to unforeseen circumstances the wife cannot attend the interview in Lagos because she lives outside Nigeria and will not be able to return to Nigeria for the interview.

What can they do not to miss this opportunity?

Just as I responded on the NVC thread, to avoid missing the opportunity now, she will have to travel to Nigeria.

But who is the primary applicant? And will other family members able to attend the interview?

Depending on when the interview was scheduled for them by NVC, their files might still be at NVC, if their file is still at NVC, they can ask NVC for reschedule of interview.

If their file no more at NVC, then they have to ask the embassy for a reschedule of interview.

weaseloo:
Hi guys,

What are the alternatives or way out for this family:

The visa interview date (eb2 niw application) has been released and the location is Lagos. But due to unforeseen circumstances the wife cannot attend the interview in Lagos because she lives outside Nigeria and will not be able to return to Nigeria for the interview.

What can they do not to miss this opportunity?

You didn't mention who is the primary applicant. Is it the wife or the husband? Are other members of the family on the application in Nigeria except the wife ?

Anyways, she has to travel to Lagos if she does not want to miss this opportunity.

Ammmy:
I can never bring a man to my home. I've never done that even as she's not around.

In that case, go and get your daughter to live with you irrespective of the good luck charm.

Hope grandma will understand you though cos your daughter would have developed a very strong bond with the grandma.

Durabest:
That he bought bus for people to give him returns and poultry farming.

Very good. That is all I need to advise you. So a young man that is just starting life, managed to get 8M raised for him in 2017 and he decided to be filling like a boss to buy a bus and give another man to drive for him.

Maybe he was also playing "boss" with the poultry too and people he put there finished the investment for him.

See, if you employ him in your company, be very careful with him because he might run you down. Don't put him in sensitive position until he has demonstrated to you that he is serious, hardworking and learnt there is dignity in hard work.

I would have said you should just assist him with another Funds to be on his own but he might come back with another story later with nothing to show for the funds.

You can also connect him with jobs in other companies or your client's company instead of employing him in your firm.

For those saying if he was a white person, police might not shoot him. This below is a white man shot at his father funeral.

https://abcnews.go.com/amp/US/wireStory/family-answers-pallbearer-killed-officers-89572231

Since 2020 and case of George Floyd, which was a clear murder, all other police killing of black people in the US involving the police where a camera was available has proven that those black people were running because they obviously committed a crime, or they were resisting arrest or struggling with a police officer with a weapon or outrightly just fighting the police officer.

This is why none of those officers have been convicted of any wrong doing.

Kingpele:
RIP young blood..I think this forum need total cleansing, alot of ignoramus are just everywhere..do u people who are criticising the victim family understand the rule of engagement between armed officers and criminals? it is only when it's established that the victim has a firearm and refuse to throw it away with intention of using it against the officers he could be shot to preserve the lives of police officers..remember before he could even be shot ,he most be warned seriously to let go of his firearm..but in this case he posed no threat to officers and he was shot dead,there's no way this could have happened to a white man..so u guys defending this nonsense is a slave of the western world .continue to worship them until it becomes your turn to be shot and no one will call for justice on your behalf...

I agree with you that police should only shoot when they establish they are in danger. But that does not mean we all should not tell ourselves the truth also.
Rules of engagement you are talking about goes both ways, between the people and the police.

Black men and women in western world also should stop running away from police or resisting arrest or fighting police officers on the streets.

They should also stop committing crimes.

Most of these unnecessary death can be avoided if both parties observe rules of engagement. It's not only the police that must observe rules of engagement.

Ammmy:
I normally go to see her once a year and spend a month with her

So when you are with her during the 1 month in a year, do you get more good lucks?

I just want you to start questioning that thought that says your daughter is the only source of your good lucks. It might be true or not. You need to observe more.

Good lucks or not, it's better you are with your daughter if you have a house big enough to entertain potential male suitors without unnecessary exposure of your daughter to adults' life.

This is why elders keep shouting on young people to do things right way. Premarital recklessness around sex can change your life direction forever. When elders are talking, most of us, younger generation will say they are old school.

Just as Daniel's mother is giving him motherly advise now and he is being adamant.

There is more to the reason the father of those children don't want them. The woman is not saying the whole truth.

Anyway, Daniel should be very careful before entering. He should not allow other room's steam blind fold him.

What elders see when they sit down, if children climb a tree, he or she might not see it.

Thorough investigation on the woman, the father of the children and why he rejected his children, also Daniel must put the woman through series of testing to understand if the woman even truly love him or she is just pretending.

And as I said before, those children can never become Daniel's biological children. He should understand that and set his expectations right.

If you had sex between your last menstruation and now, it could be pregnancy. Then, it might not show up on urine test for now.

You either go to a hospital/ a medical laboratory for them to conduct blood pregnancy test on you or you repeat the urine pregnancy test after another 1 week.

The HCG shows up in blood faster than in urine at early stage of pregnancy.

Fact is that during pregnancy, as part of other pregnancy signs, comes with more blood circulation to the vulva, vagina and uterus etc. This ultimately lead to more pleasurable sex for pregnant women.

In other words, during pregnancy, your wife will even enjoy sex more. So, as the husband, don't abandon that part of your duty during the pregnancy period, but you must be gentle at it. If you are usually a rough rider, change to a slow dancer while performing duty during this period.

As per how you will find her attractive with protruding stomach. Think about the fact that she is carrying your baby, think of all the pains, struggles she is going through during that period to give you that wonderful part of you. And that all those swollen body, big stomach are just temporary. Be more closer to her. Go on date with her. Watch movies together. Do romantic stuff together more. There are many types of lingerie that are sexy on pregnant women too. Get them for her.

Boofrenzy:
Thanks brother, it is settled.

Glad you have it settled. All the best with rest of the process.

Stallionhorse:
As a man the only way you can do that is by going out to look for small small girls.. As a woman the only thing you can do is pray you can afford Love Machine and vibrators.

Go to romance section. This section is for matured people

No problem there at all.

I hope you are learning the good from this family section and not learning "the woke" of this generation that has destroyed many modern marriages.

Graduate2015:
Even if I get a maid they can't be working 24/7..
They work per hour and we.the whole family still need to keep maintaining the house. I have asked him countless of times to delegate by asking kids to do the things for him if he is too tired. What is there in asking ur child to come and collect ur used plate. I do that but he can't just be bothered to leave it there.

This plate of a thing is even the worst of all the things you are complaining about. Please stop disrespecting your husband. Why can't you too ask your kids to pack the plate their father used to eat?

You said you have married for a long time and you are focusing on this type of petty thing like packing of plate your husband used to eat, and there are grown children in the house?

I recognize that you are also under pressure and overwhelmed, most especially due to your last child needing special care and you will be better if your husband is by your side always going through all these together. But you also need to realize that you have areas you need to improve to draw your husband back to you.

1. Stop comparing him to anybody.
2. Recognize his struggle with his health including the ADHD or depression. Don't nag with every petty things. Don't be the source of his crisis trigger.
3. Showing him more love and care. Help him out where it appears he is not taking initiative. Give him that feeling that you cherish, respect and care for him.
4. Sex part, start initiating the sex. Nothing to be ashamed off. After a while, he will get back to initiating it with you.
5. You have access to his money, get house help if you have to.
6. If he goes into the silent mode, initiate the settlement talks, ask him what the problem is.

If you continue in your current path, I am sorry, you cannot get a solution to the problems in your home. You just have to change your tactics.

May God uphold your home once again.

Graduate2015:
No one is comparing anyone to anyone. I just mentioned that to indicate that even if u are not capable of doing chores, atleast be buying gadgets or be good in any other things. Time has gone when men only go to work. If he was single, won't he clean his plates or his room or even cook food, wash his clothes and pay his bills?
My dad cooks, wakes up at night to check up on us and when we were sick he was there at night with us.

My sister, you are just displaying same observation I made again in this your response. You are comparing your husband to other men in their marriages and to your father.

People are different. Everyone has their good and bad sides. Even you, you are not perfect. You have some things other women do better than you. Do you think it's good for your husband to forget about your good traits and focus on comparing your shortcomings with other women around you?

One person has told you again here that you can never get a perfect husband or wife. If you keep hoping your husband will be like all men in this world or like your father, I am sorry, you are just very unrealistic.

Saynoomore:
Nice thread. A colleague spoke with me about this route a couple of months ago.

I read through and it sounded quite interesting. However, this is the only condition that I'm finding a bit confusing:

"Membership of an association or group that sets a high achievement threshold to qualify"

What kinds of membership would probably suffice for this? Nigerian Academy of Science? Haaaa!

This is in two prongs.

1. An association in your field that sets high achievements standard before you can join. E.g For actors, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. For Musicians, The Recording Academy. Or their equivalents in your country of nationality or residence and in your field.

2. Association that set minimum standards to join but high standards to rise to highest or certain cadre of its membership. E.g. Accountants in Nigeria, ICAN, and fellow ICAN members. If you are at ICAN lowest membership level, USCIS will not accept it because there are millions of people at that level in Nigeria.

There are many professionals associations in the world but above methodology is how USCIS considers applications for this criteria.

Iyaroyuwa123:
Being a single mum is a beautiful experience .

You lost me here.

jamznato:
God bless you.
I see even your wife u love is just fake love this day. Imagine all these mentality nobody is sering the positive side. She is there concerned her own using children as excuse trying to cash out when food never done. No man will abadan his kids most especially wen the woman is good to him. Get sense madam. Everybody cannot go at once because of fund. I seen many times where husband left, he start sending money for school and upkeep when things is ok. Thats good wife praying for him to succeed. Then she and her kids later came over. It is easier like that in most cases. But if money berekete everyone can go at house as Personal Resident. The country is hard he is securing a better future for the family, don't stop him. You will regret it if you try it. Encourage him and pray for him. Women have also gone ahead then import their husband and kids. Stay away from bad friends engineering you to destroy your family. When ur sons and daughter now have matured sense they will not forgive you for this opportunity dad had to better their life but was aborted by you. This of which will lead to children self struggling to make it in life in this hard economy or country without clear future. When a player pass football age and nothing is achieve much, strength disappear, if him no hang him boot, him boot go hang am by force then water go pass garri for everyone. You can talk with him. Kids also should talk daddy remember us, help us when you get there and settle down. With prayer everybody go chop breakfast
Thank me later

God bless you too. You have spoken well too.

Daniel needs to understand the person that can love him the most in this world is his mother. The mother is looking out for him and advising him from experience.

I know single mother deserves to be loved oo, but is Daniel ready for all issues that can spring up later?

He needs to sit down with his mother and understand all the mother's concerns. Take all of them and investigate the single mother, her ex husband or baby daddy, etc before he jumps into fire.

And by the way, Daniel can never become the children's biological father by marriage to their mother.

He should reason with his head and not with his third leg.

GUNITGuy:
Thank you Queen Elizabeth 2 for giving Nigeria Independence and most of the common wealth countries

Why don't you also thank her on behalf of her ancestors that enslaved black people?

We black people love to celebrate our oppressors.

How many British people mourn with us when our monarch in Nigeria passes.

See my people saying "rest in peace GrandMa" all over internet.

Only us don't understand this world.

Let us see how many Arab, Chinese, Asian people that carry "RIP Queen Elizabeth" for head like us.

If you don't know history of the world, please shut up and stop standing with your forefather's oppressor.

This woman has said nothing but the truth.

We Black people need to read history of this world to understand what she said.

Black people need to read history of this world.

This woman said the bitter truth and I expect all Black people to stand with her.

Graduate2015:
Waoo waoo u are truly an Analysist just like ur username. I'm going to copy ur suggestions and read them everyday to keep myself in check because it can be very frustrating. I used my time to research on adult ADHD and that's is my husband. He forgets things, once he is home he is always looking for his phone. Everything about Adult ADHD is my home. I also read experiences of partners living with them and that's my life. They turn u into a nag as that's the only way things can get done around the house. They also mention that they can also suffer from bipolar disorder and sometimes both are interwoven. I have been complaining that he doesn't listen when I'm talking to him or even when I ask him to do something he will just forgets it. He doesn't remember any of our children's date of birth. I have researched about ADHD in kids as we suspect my son has it. He is constantly on the move especially in daycare that they cant cope. He can't sit still for more than 2mins. I also remember my husband saying how he never entered class in early stages of primary school as he was busy playing around and can't even remember where his class was. Thank you for this insight. I pray he reads about adult adhd and acknowledges that's his problem. I've always imagined why he just can't organise, manage himself or pay his bills.

This one kind of ties in with relationship woes, because it has to do with a person’s emotions. Someone with ADHD will experience a constant flux in their emotions. One minute they are up, the next they are down. It’s also closely associated with some of the other symptoms on this list, such as being easily distracted or unable to focus. “You can easily become bored and go looking for excitement on a whim. Small frustrations can seem intolerable or bring on depression and mood swings,” explains Healthline. These kinds of unstable emotions can cause an array of problems both in your personal and professional life.

In relation to this, Health.com also explains that adults with ADHD might suffer from a short fuse, or quick temper. They will have trouble controlling their emotions in heated situations and find themselves easily frustrated and fuming mad one second, then completely over it the next. This symptom is tricky and is easily misconstrued as bipolar disorder. In fact, Health.com notes that often times people with ADHD are misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I am glad you got good advise from this thread.

God will uphold your home and family

GerogeI:
Get a house help. Instead of destroying your home trying to correct what.
If madam is not into it, get a side chick too. Keep everybody happy!

So he should start cheating because "madam is not into it"? Will you also say a married woman should get side Bobo "if oga is not into it"?

BloomingDale:
Check out any videos or write ups talking about interracial relationships, it’s mostly the black men insulting the black women. Even the white people are fed up with the dynamics and coming out to support the black women against the black men. Check this forum as example, it’s mostly the men insulting* the women. Once in a while wh3n it gets too much I come out to insult the men insulting the women.

No. It's both ways. Some black men insult black women and vice versa. And white are complaining about these two set of black Men and women. You hardly see white people hating on themselves for whatever reason. But you see some black women hating black men and vice versa. You see black akata hating on black Africans and vice versa.

And that's why I ask what is wrong with us black people