₦airaland Forum

hmmn.. Your friend was been smooched while sleeping and she didn't roll over let alone wake up? Ho' wanted the 'D'
This is the problem with dumb a$$ beeches thinking they can have a nigga as besties cos he's got the mulla.

I, as another cone headed Nigerian, I have no female friend and I dont do no ddamn favours for ho's unless its coming as a barter.

STC....dedicated to my ho*s

How about visiting a doctor? since you are so sure the spiritualist is phony, then so should be whatever you ingested.
Get an X-RAY scan and do the needful

when they see us

Its apparent that op and peepz dropping comments don't understand women's school of thoughts and motives behind questions they ask.

Three scenarios might have triggered the question in no specific order;

1. Judging by her overkilling use of love/heart and emojis unneccessarily after the question, it might owe to the fact that she is already weighing options of leaving you for another guy ready to settle down which is unlike you and just wanted to document your reactions by tipping you off.

2. She's just trying to see how far you are willing to take the relationship, hence, she expects you to encourage her to ward off other potential suitors in a manner of territoriality.

3. The love is just turning her head and she was trying to create a delusion to spice up the relationship, yeah some girls her crazy like that....and I love them.

Your response to the question would prick her emotions in any of the assumptions above, try to work around these scenarios and do the needful.

mtcheew. me that I'm using my 1st class certificate to apply for another entirely different B Sc. abroad nko, wetin you wan make I do?
Anyways, one visa/labour market contender down, let the weak keep self destructing.

dont worry Mr. Breastdent, none of us is planning to stay here for long.

Now this casestudy gives me utter enthusiasm to conceptualize that it is overly possible without any perilous implications, for my thick palms to make a reverberating bang on a Nigerian politician's soft cheeks when I run into any of them on a loose-guard oversees. I was in a dillema whether to jettison this country, everybody and everything I have here for good or stay behind and steer through the hurricanes but honestly, I think its high time I made my decisions. Cos I can't even envision running into any of these looters or their families in diaspora without having my super clenched fist land on their succulent faces. Woh! MA FO ETI ELOMI!

I swear this particular rape story gives me cold feet....cos this happened fvcking publicly....Imagine...it could have been anybody I know or love. poor girl
Wow!! can't just imagine.

Sojebrand:
guy you will not make heaven with this your joke , let me look for ur name and clean it

I wrote the list bro.

CHEERS

CHEERS

Sorry I had to type this long and add some dry jokes to it so that viewers wont get bored

Dear Ubunja,

I stumbled upon your thread titled 'The under-utilized girlfriend' last friday and I must confess, its a life saver.
I used to think my girlfriend was the shy not-so-sexually adventurous type until I read and heeded to your school of thoughts highlighted in that thread just like a student takes the first classes of his major courses seriously after a woeful previous semester. Prior then, our sexual life was more monotonous than a commercial tri-cycle driver's trip, who is sworn and bent on shuttling between Obalende and CMS, leaving all other routes unexploited till Jesus comes and nothing close to satisfactory, she never initiates sex whether she's Hot or not, she pulls no stunts on her own unless I ask.. I work and she schools, so she only comes around during the weekends. we would have one round of sex during each night she spent....same styles in the same bed, same time same station every week as if its Daddy freeze's popular program on Cool FM, which in most cases, I ended up coming quicker than 911 in white neighbourhoods, prolly owing to accumulated horniness and boring monotonous pattern of sex. So I wore your words on that thread confidently like a SARS corporal would wear his bulletproofed vest before a yahoo boys raid and I awaited her visit for the weekends as usual, I guess you already know what happened....almost immediately after penetration, my spermatazoa burst lose in a blink and I wasnt ashamed about it unlike the previous encounters. So I hastily flipped through the pages of that thread in my head faster than an exam cheat would browse through pages he had hid in the restroom after he finally got the quick toilet break he has been requesting for.....I opened my mind to her explicitly, thereby, letting her know my sexual fantasies while I stylishly blamed her lackadaisical attitude for my poor bed performances just like Arsenal fc blamed Arsene Wenger before he was fired. I also highlighted few sexual adventures that I enjoyed with my ex which i never experienced with her till that moment and I used that medium to stylishly give my ex some accolades which PMB never gave Nigerian youths in a bid to bruise her little ego and set her mind towards a competition without any opponent. To cut the story short, I pretended to be pissed and I fell asleep.
After few minutes into the dreamland, I woke up to a wet and pleasurable feeling below the belt, I opened my eyes and to my utter surprise, I finally woke up to see my preeq in somebody's daughter's mouth after almost one solid year. my joy knew no bounds like a German intending immigrant finally receiving the long awaited 'visum' as I stared at my preeq having a good time like a mom would gaze at her toddler taking it's first step.
We had three rounds of splendid romp that night and another long quickie in the day while my door room was opened as my cousins were playing around the kitchen (which her churchmind would never have agreed to do without my previous night's protest), then more rounds of mindblowing sexual activities, which were initiated by her till she finally left on Sunday evening.

Ubunja, You are a legend and sense will no kee u

Warm Regards.

CC:
Ubunja

Now you finally got the pot of 'likes' that u ordered for

GlorifiedTunde:
THIS IS HOW TO KNOW THE KIDS ON NAIRALAND

Not every girlfriend is useless. There are wife materials!

And if you cannot protect a wife material before actually marrying her, then you don't deserve marriage!

Without the seat belts? uhhn?

I am currently dating one and I feel lucky

B*tch a$$ nigga.

A wardrobe full of skimpies.....for kitchen quickies

Any of them is good as meat

God see as bet9ja re.tards just spoil this interesting thread

wow!
This has happened to me before along Lagos-Ibadan express way during my job seeking days and I actually thought they were kidnappers cos nothing was missing on me. The inter-state bus that i boarded acted up on the road and I had to catch the next along bus cos I'd got an interview to catch in about 2 hours to go, hence, I was in panic-mode. So, I actually was blind to all the red-flags that could have been apparent when the one chance taxi pulled over. There were 2 ladies and a man at the backseat while another man enthroned the front seat by the driver. normal bus driver would call out his routes, which he didnt (1ST RED FLAG) until I told him 'Berger', I noticed he quickly calculated some things in his head before he finally agreed with a sharp nod (2ND RED FLAG), so he opened the front door for me to join the man seating by him. Another guy from my broken bus was trying to join the taxi at the back seat but the driver rejected him and asked me curiously if we were together and I replied by shaking my head thinking I was lucky...though I wondered why he could allow two at the front but not four at the back (3RD RED FLAG) as he zoomed off.
Just about 2 minutes into the journey, the door next to where I sat opened as the driver was speeding, so the man beside mr raised the alarm and the driver tried to pull over again that was when I decided to slam the car door as he pulled over. Just as I did, the woman sitting behind me screamed 'my hand' and started weeping profusely in a bid to show that her hand was being wedged by the door. All of us were thrown into panic as the driver and the man next to me started yelling that I should help her out. .. The whole screaming, yelling and panic went on for a couple of minutes until the woman who was weeping felt relieved. Then the driver asked me to step out and returned my money cos I paid immediately I entered. I started begging him cos I was about to be dropped in the middle of no-where but a road that runs through the forests. All pleadings fell on deaf ears and he told me to ask the 'deaf and dumb' bast*rds seating at the back (cos they were mute all through the saga except the weeping wh*re) if i could seat with dem but they all disagreed, and the weeping b*tch finally smiled and said 'do you want to cry?' in sacarsm as the driver who will soon die by firing squad if he's stll alive living his miserable life zoomed off.
That was when i came to my senses that I just got played. I searched every part of my body to check if anything was missing. My iphone remained in my hand, my samsung and my cash in my left pocket. I guess what saved me was the pocket was deep, so pilfering from it would be difficult to occur unnoticed. I was still scared cos I never heard of such one-chance before...I even at a point thought they were kidnappers or manhood stealers cos nothing on me went missing...(I had to go test my manhood after the interview with one of my babes in LASU then cos I started feeling my preeq shrink prolly due to fear of the unknown).
Lessons: Always take note of red flags when boarding a bus and always board from their hackney parks(there are always red flags and it only takes careful observation to decipher).I remember in different occasions when I saw my girl off to lagos danfo terminals I'd tell her which bus to board or who to seat with and she'd later call me that God saved her that the person she would have sat with was caught sexually harrassing or pilfering from passengers. Since then till I type, whenever I was travelling and the bus broke down, me and the driver die there!!

'Dadubule' by our beloved late Damoche.
Thank me later

I will paste this number on a wall in ikeja underbridge with the post 'call me for hot bl*w job' or 'Iphone X in good condition for 70k giveaway'