₦airaland Forum

Kelklein:
This is another lie from the pit of Hell.

Why?

Ladies who use Uber don't stay at the front seat.
They sit behind at the 'owner's' corner.

So how did someone who was driving at the front at the same time pushed you out of the moving vehicle.

Not in the defence of anyone though but the story runs contrary to commonsense.

When she's ready to tell us how she sustained that injury, we'd be here.

Quick recovery to her all the same.

I still last in front last Friday. But now I won't be sitting in front anymore cos apparently you can get molested.

PurestBoy:
I have 2 boys, Kevin and Alvin, 4 and 1yr old respectively, both were on 6-month exclusive breastfeeding, Had Cow&Gate2 baby formula, Kevin is just too active, he doesn't doesn't even walk at home, he runs even when I take him out (cos he doesn't even play in the compound), he can't stay in a place for 2 minutes except he's watching his favorite cartoon channel GoTv 60, no matter how you beat him he doesn't cry for more than few seconds, he learns too much that he even corrects me his father but the problem is he's too active (I don't want to use the word stubborn). His 11+ mths younger brother is already following his footsteps, their mother shouts and beats Kevin every minute for jumping around in the house like monkey. He even engages in fight with me whenever I want to watch my favorite channels except I beat him thoroughly, he wouldn't allow anyone touch anything that is his. Their mother is fed up and losing weight and she's afraid his Alvin is already acting likewise. I don't know what to do because you can't leave Kevin alone in the house without closed monitoring for a minute else something bad and injurious might happen. All my life, I've never see a kid like my boy, I need advise on what to do, it was worse when he was younger. I don't like beating him like his Mom does but won't have peace at home due to excessive shouting and scolding except he's asleep. Anyone with ideas on how to curtail this?

Eyah, I can relate. While it's normal for children to run around, there might be a disorder at play here e.g. autism. You need to get him to a pediatrician asap for a proper diagnosis. But first, STOP GIVING HIM SUGAR!!

SternProphet:
There are third class graduates in major oil companies. They actually do better than first class. Anybody who is depending on his academic qualification in his career is a fool and will end up a failure. Leadership skills, technological skills, team skills, creative problem solving skills are what employers are looking for, not some evidence that you passed your exams well in school, although admittedly that is good indicator of discipline and conscientiousness as well.

"...they actually do better than..." words of confusion said by those who graduated with third class.
"....is a fool..." intelligent people can pass their message across without being abusive or by bringing others down.

Great observation, terrible presentation/communication

ejosh4:
Let the Legal System take it course concerning this issue

She has her evidence.... He has his evidence.... Let the court decide

She should just bear in mind that if she loses in court... It wud b a big shame to her and a step backward in judging rape cases... Because nobody will readily believe in any rape stories unless detailed evidences are presented which cud take a long time to decide and more trauma for d raped ones if stories are eventually true

Nobody believes rape allegations in the first place so...

ikevictor:
There's no adaptation for a true Christian if the standard is not culed from the bible. A woman.can support her husband, that is not same as being a breadwinner. And a woman can stand in for the husband in difficult times, that does not make that her responsibility.

And any man who chooses to do nothing while the wife provides totally for the home, is worse than an infidel. Bible standard not mine.

Animals can adapt since they do not read the bible or have religion, come talk of raising a family.

If animals really have standard dem no go de impregnate their mama....

So I am worried you refer us to learn from animals, when it comes to running the home. Well, thanks for the advice.

#Sad.

Whether the man is worse than an infidel or not, that's the reality of life. The world is a tough place. A man sometimes wants to provide but cannot. So we should kill him abi? If we follow the scripture in full then even supporting is wrong. Pick a struggle. Even the Bible tells us to learn from the ants.

ikevictor:
Women cannot be worthless, neither would the kitchen role be a despicable one. BUT as such as a man who cannot provide for his home is worse than an infidel, is same as a woman who delegates the role of the kitchen to her man is a witch.

Every one has their role, except you are down with a man as explained above...then I understand you totally

If we go by your logic, most Nigerian men won't make heaven. Because whether you like it or not, whether the society likes to admit it or not, a lot of women are the breadwinners or are partial breadwinners out of necessity in their homes. Also by your logic, there would be no such thing as "gold diggers". Times have changed, just like other animals humans should learn to adapt.

benzion72:
Hope you are having time to socialize and be in other circles where you can hook up. This days there numerous spinster without suitors, it is a great work for Pastor for believing for husband for thier church sis lol

Lool. Thanks for reminding me o. Is difficult to socialize now because most of my counterparts are still trying to settle down. It makes hanging out really awkward. Trust me, I've tried. But after so many excuses, I've learnt to find solace elsewhere.

Jesusgirl92:
On a second thought, op kill the feeling.... Especially if you're both still very young and new to the organization....

Now that's the sketchy part. See why I want this to die a natural death. It's how to do it nicely that is the problem now.
Thank you.

ikevictor:
Well true, we don't like when women are more successful because that's the first sign that man go begin enter kitchen soon.

If the kitchen is so despicable it means women are so worthless that they are the only ones who deserve to be seen there right?

CHUKWUNOLOGICAL:
then why dont u shut up

You don't have to be rude.

henryhemon:
Its easy to make excuses,so those women who are rich n still humble n still very respectful were not disrespected??

Please you know she has a point. Just stop.

pocohantas:
Yea, all the rich me are very respectful...except for a FEW
Tell us more

As in, the ones wey never rich like the ones in this thread sef already dey disrespectful, how much more the ogas at the top?

pocohantas:
He hasn't asked you out, but you're already preparing answer.

Shows how much you want him.
Stop living in denial.

I never said I wasn't. I'm a very principled person so even if it's going to hurt me, I'll still do the right thing. I just want to know what to tell him when that happens because at the rate it's going, is bound to. I don't believe in hurting people feelings just because. I'm more composed when I plan ahead.

Greene66:
True.

Even those younger than 30 who haven't achieved anything major, are toxic and rude let alone the successful ones..

I totally agree

Yeah, and men are very humble and respectful.

rawpadgin:
Its not even about the age. 95% of successful women are toxic, rude, unapproachable & feels that a man can't control them

Why would you want to control another human being in the first place. The onus is not on you to control, the onus is on the woman to submit. You people should know your place. The scriptures never told you people to control anybody. Lead, head not control. What's wrong with you people?

phililp:
Its just like ur travelling on a bus for a long journey and feeling really hungry but u dont like eating in public vehicles,

U Either must manage to eat else the hunger gets worst.

Or u tell driver to stop then u go eat outside.. But the thing is if u go eat outside u might not be able to get in the bus again.

My point it..... U'hd better eat

I ended up more confused than when I started.

Jesusgirl92:
I'm not advising you to date your colleague o but my brother married his Colleague three years ago and they are very much happy together and still work in the same organization..... They go to work together everyday...... It's a whole lot easier o my dear.... My point is, some things are worth giving a chance....

I know there are happily ever afters. Even my company isn't against it but I feel your brother's case is the exception as most don't end well.

Cherrycandy:
There's no need to worry yourself over nothing

Tell him you can't date him straight up and give him your reasons why you can't

There are people that will tell you to date him because they feel nothing is wrong in dating a colleague at work afterall love can be found anywhere but you personally have your reasons and know your limits so i'd advice you to stand your ground otherwise there's every possibility that you might regret it later

Some guys aren't worth it but you can as well study him and know his kind of person first before starting any relationship with him that's if you like him so much

Thank you. I want to give it time but the pressure from his end ehn....
It would have been so easy to resist if I wasn't attracted to him. I don't let him know I feel the same way though.

habsydiamond:
is that so....why Una no go back to Una culture....make Una dey go naked everywhere una go...

I'm just pointing out the fallacy in your argument. History remains history. You cannot change it. If you want to speak against indecent dressing, please do but stop using the argument that we are trying to copy the west. Have you watched "the gods must be crazy" ?? That was how a lot of African cultures were 2-3 centuries ago.

habsydiamond:
Na everything oyinbo people do dem dey copy for Africa....if oyinbo people naked this year dey expect Africans most especially ladies to go naked next year becos dem go copy.....

Until the 1980s, ladies still used to dance stack naked with only a g-string in my village square. It was celebrated as a coming of age ceremony. They were not violated, it was our culture. Wearing clothes is the borrowed culture. Learn your history.

iRepNaija1:
I know it might be hard to believe but a lot of women don't spend their days and nights trying to figure out how to get a man's attention. A man's reactions, thoughts, opinions have nothing to do with what a woman chooses to wear to the club. That's all on him.

I tell you.
To answer the OP, see ehn I don't know what you mean by indecent dressing because I've come to understand that the term is relative. However for me, I'd rather not wear anything because I don't like heat and I hate things clinging to me. Even people close to me know I don't like being touched at all. That's one.
Secondly, I dress based on mood swing. It really has nothing to do with men. In fact, I've noticed that I tend to tone down when I'm hanging out with someone I have a crush on. I know men don't know the difference between synthetic weave and human hair, crochet and braids, so why in the world would I try to impress them with such?
Thirdly, dressing well is generally a confidence booster in the society as a whole. It is not gender specific. I cannot wear Mary Amaka to where the whole world is slaying. Don't preach to me.
Finally and most importantly for me, I dress for convenience. Anything that will not make me comfortable, I avoid. You cannot catch me wearing dresses below my knee-length unless I'm in heels (which is a style on its own). How am I supposed to cross gutter? So long as I have bum shorts on, I can wear any length of dress and even climb bike with it. I still did that last month. Of course I got a lot of looks but if only they knew that I didn't have them in mind while I was putting it on. I was simply going to the beach, didn't want to carry extra luggage, wasn't going to wear something long because I didn't want wet clothes clinging to my legs, was going to a friends house to catch a ride. Like I said earlier, CONVENIENCE.
Not everything women do is about men.

Please quick one guys. I need experienced answers.

How do I nicely tell a colleague to back off? I cannot date someone who works with me for obvious reasons. I'm a lady and I'll be at the receiving end if things go south. I also do not like unnecessary office drama, tension and rumors. We work in a large organisation but we happen to be in the same department. I also tend to get jealous when I see him hanging out with other female coworkers more than necessary. I'm not sure I can deal but this guy is consistently on my case.
If I'm being honest, I'm attracted to him a lot too and would probably date him under different circumstances. But I just can't be with someone who works in the same organisation as me. I love my job too much to resign and it would be stupid of me to even do that.
He hasn't outrightly asked me out but I don't even want it to get to that point to avoid awkwardness.
So what do I tell him so as not to hurt his feelings? Thanks.

Fordzzy:
Pliz where is the video!!!

I nid 2 see it so dat I can vex my full vex

You understand that viewing and sharing child pornography is a criminal offense right?

lilmax:
a woman with common sense doesn't need labels

you don't have to be a feminist to be independent, supportive and in control of your life.... how dumb

like I said "sense"

You're right, some don't need the labels. But for some of us, we want the labels because it's beyond being independent and being in control. It's about fighting against gender based violence, it's about fighting for those women who by virtue of their gender don't have a means to be economically empowered even when they want to. We will all agree that nothing reasonable feminists are fighting for is necessarily bad. The problem is some people don't want to let go of the privileges the benefits they enjoy from the patriarchal structure. "People" here include even females who would rather be taken care of than work for their money.

DeeFlask:
but most feminist are old, I have never seen a femi nist below 35

I am 22, graduate with a great job, financially independent, and I am proudly a feminist

Preshob:
But her past won't "put her behind" it'll keep haunting her

She bleeped up

Learn to free people. She has suffered the consequences of her actions already. What else do you want her to do? Commit suicide? Would you be happy that way? You're the only one doing the haunting here. Some of us have freed her since.

HeyCorleone:
The balls were originally configured to face South, that is, downwards, so it's only normal and proper that they drop. If yours don't drop or "sag" you have a problem.

But as per boobs, that's a whole 'nother thang. They were made to thrust out. Okay fine, when a Lady ages and after breastfeeding a good number of babies, it's only normal they start sagging too, because the muscles become weak.

But for a Lady in her late teens down thru her 20s to early 30s to be with saggy titties, then there is a problem.. Obviously the problem may be too many guys have squeezed the hell out of her chest because she has no value or self respect for her body. Which is a very sad thing.

Your comment is very basic and ignorant. I sincerely hope Nigerian youths are really not this dumb.

music4me:
Jargons

Kindly explain. What part in particular is jargons to you?

I saw this and felt the need to share. This is the point I've been trying to make several times to victim-blamers who nitpick everything in a victim's story through my comments on such posts . I'm glad someone was able to put my thoughts together. Please read with am open-mind.

Warning: long but insightful

Why are victims of sexual assault so often not believed? A high percentage of the disbelief may be linked to the behavioural patterns of victims themselves, which can vary widely from case to case and often include behaviours of which the average police or caregiver would be sceptical. To understand these patterns, it is helpful to look at how the brain and body respond to stress and trauma, such as that experienced during sexual violence.

A relatively new area of the literature on human response to trauma, particularly the trauma experienced during sexual violence, is that of “tonic immobility.” Tonic immobility is defined as self-paralysis, or as the inability to move even when not forcibly restrained. It has long been studied in non-human animals as the “freeze” response to extreme stress. Recently, it has been observed in the laboratory as a stress response in humans, as well. This finding explains the reaction of many victims of sexual violence, who report that they felt like they could not escape, even when no weapon was present.

Additionally, due to an entire cascade of hormonal changes, which includes oxytocin and opiates, associated with pain management, adrenaline, commonly associated with “fight or flight,” and cortisol, functional connectivity between different areas of the brain is affected. In particular, this situation affects pathways important for memory formation, which means that an individual can fail to correctly encode and store memories experienced during trauma. While an individual generally will remember the traumatic event itself (unless alcohol or drugs are present in the system), these memories will feel fragmented, and may take time to piece together in a way that makes narrative sense.

Behavioural patterns in individuals who have experienced sexual violence mirror those seen in other traumatized populations, like combat veterans. This pattern of symptoms, known as post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, can include emotional numbness, intrusive memories of the traumatic event, and hyper-arousal (increased awareness of one’s surroundings, or constantly being “on guard”).

Research shows that the majority of individuals who experience sexual assault demonstrate at least some of these symptoms of PTSD immediately after the assault and through the two weeks following the assault. Nine months after the assault, 30% of individuals still reported this pattern of symptoms. Overall, it is estimated that nearly one-third of all victims of sexual assault will develop PTSD at some point in their lives.

These findings are complicated by the fact that the response of any given person to trauma can look extremely different, based on previous life experiences and health factors. Research has found that cognitive variables, such as perceived negative responses of other people and poor coping strategies, were significantly linked both to development of PTSD and severity of PTSD. In another study, lower cortisol levels as measured in the emergency room have been related to increased risk for the development of PTSD. In other words, a maladaptive version of nature/nurture is involved in individuals’ responses to trauma.

As with many questions related to health, it is difficult to pinpoint the cause: existing neurobiological and psychosocial risk factors, such as mental illness, can contribute to the development of PTSD, and PTSD can lead to other health problems. There is no hard and fast rule of victimology: every individual who experiences sexual violence will respond differently.

Therefore, the police who are unable to believe a victim’s story are likely misinterpreting the discrepancies in the story as lies, rather than the brain’s response to extreme trauma. Best practices now suggest that police officers wait at least two sleep cycles, generally 48 hours, before interviewing a victim of sexual violence. Additionally, the interview should be handled in a victim-centred manner, not as an interrogation.

Indirect Source: https://www.bellanaija.com/2018/01/share-anonymous-irregularities-sexual-assault-survivors-story-science-explains/

SkinnyNigga:
dream of selling cloth ? What's the need for the degree if you won't utilize it ?

That's the misconception in Nigerian. What's the difference between a tailor and a fashion designer? Education.
Education is not only meant for white collar jobs trust me. The way you present, market, manage your business is largely dependent on your knowledge. Trust me, her education did not go to waste.

Gloryr:
Oga it's so so sad you give up on people so easily. ..what if the husband NEVER EVER raises his hand on her again? ?...or don't you know it's possible?

Calm down jare.....people genuinely repent and turn a new leave..I have seen daredevil cultists repent..same with promiscuous women and men....heck I have seen angry violent filled men turn to dove all in my 31yrs of existence so yes I know the value of a second chance.

Come down from ur high horse of unforgiveness and ego. ...learn to be kind,soft and give everyone another chance.

I agree with you on forgiveness but if you follow this story closely and see this man's social media posts, you'll agree with me that he is anything but genuine.

UjSizzle:
This story is really sad.

I think marriages should end without fighting to keep it together. Obviously you have no control over your own home and neither you nor your wife understand each other enough to communicate without drama.

So go to Nigeria, find her and listen to what she has to say and explain your stand too. You two just need to listen to each other.

She seems like an opinionated woman so I understand why she doesn't want to spend her time in the USA working for someone when she can do something in the fashion industry.

But you two have to agree anyway or I don't see how this marriage will last at all.

Just find her and have a conversation not a yelling contest.

P. S. Enough with the silly excuses btw. You're a man so own up to your responsibility. Whatever your wife denied you, romping with that LovePeddler was all your doing. Just keep your pants on henceforth, ok?

All the best.

Me thinks him wanting to have more control was what broke the camels back. The wife probably began to feel caged especially for someone with big dreams. I know a couple in Nigeria, when the wife was doing a course, the husband took up most of her responsibilities because that is what love is. He cooked meals even when visitors were around just so his wife could study. Sometimes she'll be so tired that she'd fall asleep on the couch with books all around her. It's not like she was going about being irresponsible, she was trying to build herself up which will help the family in the long run. So it's not an abroad factor, it's about the parties involved. If I was a woman and my husband was nagging because I needed him to hold the forth for me for a while, I'd also feel resentful and believe he doesn't want me to achieve my dreams. I mean it's not going to be forever and I'll do the same for him whether academic-wise, financial-wise etc. I think the problem is that they didn't have this talk before she started her programme. We all know education can be very demanding but you expected her to continue running the family like a superhero, have mercy on your woman.