₦airaland Forum

solmusdesigns:
You can commit and sacrifice for what you dont love if you have enough reason to want to make it work, like giving your kids a good financial and educational background, you can commit and sacrifice if you have moral belief in keeping marriage even if its loveless just to create a better family and society at large

Not everyone goes to work because they love to, but because they have sense of purpose, obligation to family and society and bills so we make rationale decission to work daily

Have you ever observed how someone that doesn't love his/her job behaves? He/she does everything grudgingly and without putting in their best. They're just doing it for the pay and should they have a better option, they wouldn't think twice before quitting. That's how someone that's in a marriage without love is.

Marriage can never survive without love. People leave their marriages or divorce not because they don't have cogent reasons to want to stay back and make it work but because love is no longer there. I'll say it again, sacrifice, commitment and every other thing that powers marriage are influenced and sustained by love. A marriage without love is already dead; though not yet buried.

solmusdesigns:



Someone should tell these folks : marriage doesnt need love to work

Marriages needs commitment and daily sacrifice from both parties involved

Human beings have been marrying and making families since Hundreds of years Ago 100.000 years before Christ.. and 90% of this marriages were arranged marriages, that started from very young age like 16 to old age and no case of divorce despite differences,

All of a sudden we started forgeting our roles in family building and comuinity building for trival things like love and gender equalities and since 1930s till date things have been astronomically getting bad for the marriage instituition


..

Marriage needs commitment and sacrifice to work, but you can't commit to and sacrifice for someone you don't love. So love is still one of the basic requirements for keeping and sustaining marriage as no marriage will be pleasant without it.

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

I'll suggest that you don't keep apologizing to her because you'll keep refreshing in her mind the hurtful words you said to her. Let your words and actions show her that you love her. And, don't profess love to her or act lovingly toward her because you want her to forgive you. You'll make her think that you don't mean it; that you're only acting that way because you want to clear your guilty conscience by getting her forgiveness. Love her because she's your wife and you truly do love her.

Let me add this last thing, if both of you are Christians, try to pray together by holding hands and sometimes both of you can read a portion of the bible and discuss your various understanding of the passage you read. It'll create communication and build a stronger bond between you two. Also try as much as possible to always eat together whenever you're around. It's gonna help you both a lot.
May God heal and restore your union.

NwaAmaikpe:





Na wa.
I am confused.
If the church is a refuge and the house of God, how will a petty burglar succeed in robbing it.

And if our God is such a merciful God, why did the petty burglar not survive this?

God was not the one that killed him, he just ran out of luck. If u read the article you would discover that he succeeded in robbing a RCCG last week. His successes in robbing other churches doesn't mean that God isn't watching over his church and his losing of his life while trying to rob another church doesn't mean that God isn't merciful. His action and mistake killed him. Beside, God's church is not the building but the people that worship in the building. And regardless of what happens to the building or God's people, God is still God.

Sometimes, God allows evil things to happen to his people not because he doesn't care or isn't powerful enough to protect his people, but because he's giving the perpetrators of such evil a chance to repent. God is very much concerned in the salvation of everyone's soul, but any man that fails to change from his/her evil ways will certainly face the wrath of God when that day that God has decided to judge the works of every man comes. Just saying! I hail!

Simplyleo:
I'm proudly an African.

But one thing I detest about our African culture is this nonsense in bolded text.

We so much believe in some imaginary supernatural beings, which in reality are very very non existent. And in my opinion, this accounts, to a very large extent, for our stunted growth.

If some of us have a little idea of the knowledge and logic applied by the West in designing most of the hi-tech equipment we use today, we will realise all these useless beliefs shouldn't be found among higher animals like human beings.

Sir, there are supernatural beings whether you believe it or not. And technology has nothing to do with the existence or non existence of supernatural beings. life is both spiritual and physical and the spiritual controls a very large part of the physical. Don't live in denial: God is real and devil is real too! Just saying! I hail!

Juliusmalema:
Ok no be una go bear the consequences

what consequences​? RUGA is not even a temporary solution to the present herdsmen menace, let alone a permanent one. Government is just insensitive and making room for anarchy

Juliusmalema:
Gov lalong took the best decision for them to stay alive instead of been massacred .

Someone wants to kill you and claim your properties by any means possible and you feel the best way for you to prevent such person from killing you and your family is by making such evil person your tenant, right?
you reasoning is very out of this world! I hail thee!

These people think that Nigerians are fools! RUGA will only worsen the security challenges caused by herdsmen in the country. Imagine someone is killing your relatives and destroying their properties for no reason and you came forward to say that the only way for me to make such stranger to stop killing my relatives, is for me to give him a room in my compound. How long do you think it would take before such mindless stranger would turn against me, kill me, my family, claim my property and those of everyone around me?

RUGA is a deadly scheme by the fulanis to spread and claim people's ancestral lands. it won't solve farmers and herders clash, rather it would result in bloody clashes between the herdsmen and host communities that were naive and foolish enough to accommodate such deadly program. Beside, why is government so interested in this RUGA thing? Is cow's business a government business? You're bound to lose your house to the devil should you be foolish enough to make him your tenant. It's up to the state governors and host communities mapped out to accommodate such evil scheme to speak out against it, because their silence means approval.

Working out your salvation is the conscious effort we make to live for God through obedience of his word. I can't see that I'm save and constantly and consciously live contrary to God's word. no. that will be living in hypocrisy.

Salvation was freely given to me, but I also accepted by my acknowledgement, confession and believe in God. And in order for me to preserve it, I have to consciously study God's word and make God's word the standard in all I do. If you don't work to preserve your salvation, you would lose it because once saved is not forever saved. you must keep renewing your mind and character in line with God's word

Have you people noticed that those destroying Nigeria and the youth are actually sending their children outside to civilized countries built by others to give them the best? This means that they know what is good and how a standard society should be, but they don't have want it to happen in Nigeria.

Do you know why? Because they don't want others to enjoy what they and their children are enjoying and reduce the competition that their children would face when they want to take over the few Opportunities in the country.

All Nigerian politicians know what's good and what is obtainable in other developed countries but they will never do it here until we compel them to. Nigeria will keep being for the elites and their children if we don't put tribal, religious and political sentiments aside and compel our leaders to make Nigeria like those countries that they are sending their children to.

it's in our hands and we can do it. But we first have to unite

The men that won election did everything within their power to be there. if women want political positions, they should women up and fight for it. No gender should be given anything freely or special slots. everyone should be allowed to fight equally for what they want. that's what equality is about

Her friend mocked her but she made d decision to leave. it seems she is regretting leaving her husband and blaming her friend for her own decision to leave. some women Sha, they are always finding someone to blame for their actions!

those benefiting from the fuel subsidy are the once creating this forced scarcity so that Nigerians will think that fuel subsidy is truly needed. from the Swift response of nnpc, pengasen and co to the statement made about subsidy removal, it's become obvious that subsidy is truly a scam and the government and everyone is aware of that. but since it's benefiting them, they won't do anything about it. This is one of the reasons why they don't want the local refineries to work. what a country we are in!

XplicitDOW:
if u continue to remain in d shop and not chase d thieves one day u will come and find an empty shop

a little injury at knee can wen not treated and left alone may lead to amputation


a farmer who notice a sign of symptoms of a disease in one plant n overlooks it will one day lose its farm to d disease

a shepherd with his flocks who was attacked by a predator and do not chase after it n kill it one day will lose his flocks to d predator

the problem of pdp is dat they always don't look at future implications n dat wat brot us into dis menace

if u know u know

Your response has no logic like vp osinbajo's response. So should thief come to your shop to steal some items, you would close the shop and start going after the thieves? No wonder Nigeria is the way it is! What happens to putting measures in place to prevent such from reoccurring and also securing you shop so that should the thieves come again or a new set of thieves come you would easily catch them? Osinbajo's clap back to peter obi statelnet on corruption was a complete BS

All these talk of atiku can't go to America because he is corrupt are nonsense. Will his going to america help fix nigeria? Buhari that has gone to America and travelled around the world, what has he done to cause positive development in nigeria? If atiku is truly corrupt why hasn't efcc arrested him and charge him to court?

Nigerians are just so gullible that they swallow anything that's being thrown at them. Whether any of the presidential candidates can go to America or not is non of our business,. What's our business is what are their agenda for Nigeria. Election is very close and what is bothering us most is if a candidate can go to America or not. Is America Nigeria? Or is it in America inec is going to conduct the 2019 presidential election? Hmm Nigerians! Our mumu neva do?

desiredhome:
The question you should ask yourself is if not for tithes, offering, seeds etc they do in the Churches will there be Churches everywhere as it is today?
How come despite the Churches everywhere crime is increasing?
It is only in Nigeria that any body that has no job suddenly opens a Church, so Church is now source of income, on top peoples head (the gullible ones)
The Lord has given you sound mind II Timothy 1:7.

The Church of God is not the gigantic building you spend billions on, the Church is the you, the me, the people in it. the reason for the offering or money is to meet the needs of the needy among you, today your greedy/selfish pastorprenour has twisted it to favour them. They only preach Malachi 3:10, bring to the house that there will be meat in the store house, yet there is no meat in their store house.
Of what use is the billions naira buildings you are competing to build (the biggest Church) when over 60% of it's members are hungry/poor?

is church responsible for the increase in crime? imagine if there were no churches how the crime rate would have been. I see that you're not getting my point because your mind is already made up to speak I'll against churches and pastors. carry on en! bye

Judahudoh:
Please read your Bible more carefully.

The only giving you do to God directly is when you give to the needy among the Christian fold.

Remember: when I was hungry u gave me to eat, when I was sick you visited me and they asked lord when did we give you to eat?
He answered, when you did so to the least of ur brothers, you did it to me.
(It is Jesus himself that was speaking about this).

The only other direct giving is the sacrifice of our praise which is the fruit of our lips. . .

I read about one who said it should be a personal decision.

People must not be cadjuled to give to the work of God or the pastor in the name of tithe. Because that name alone references the giving to the law.

Other pastors will say Abraham gave tithe before the law - I ask a simple question, in Hebrews. 11, Abraham's name was mentioned most in that record of faith, why was his act of tithing not mentioned or omitted?

Again when he tithed, was he commanded by God? The levites (priests) were asked not to tithe because they had already paid their tithes while in Abraham's blossom.

What does scripture say about us - We ARE: A choose generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people....
So are we not King priests like Melchizedek ? (by virtue of which we all are qualified to receive tithe)

HEAR ME CLEARLY: There is no special blessing for the one who tithes in our days (The grace dispensation) ORDER than
1. The principle of giving and receiving at work.
2. The blessing God gives to people for honoring him with their substance (by giving towards his work) - This drives the prophesy that said "through prosperity shall thy nation's be spread abroad"
3. The blessing that follows one who gives to an anointed one (A man of God).

Where a born again child of God is, there is nothing like devourer and certainly nothing to rebuke. If there is anything to rebuke, the believer always has the irrevocable authority which is not attached to any laws.
"whatsoever you bind on earth. .."

That error in the body of Christ is totally unnecessary. People should be taught to give from their heart. Remember - Paul warned us of giving out of compulsion (It is indirect compulsion, at least no body in their ignorance wants the devourer to devour their finances).

I'll respond to you with the questions below:

why did God as the Israelites to pay one-tenth of their harvest as tithe to the priest?

does the church of today have needs and expenses to be met?

what do you think should be the best way for church to raise money to cater for it's expenses and the work of God?

do you think God that said in his word that there are blessings in giving and tithing is a liar?

bro, try read the word of God with understanding?
stay blessed!

desiredhome:
Life is govern by simple principle, do the right thing and get the right result, Gal 6:7.etc. Christianity preaches righteousness, if you can't speak against people doing wrong then you are part of the problems.
Allow God to judge is one of the brainwash statement they use, even when they are caught in the evil act.
That means its God that will judge the politicians that are stealing our common resources, the arm robbers?It's this type of reasoning/mentality that has kept a black man in the dark/poor despite all the resources they have. Suffering and Smiling

what proof do you have that pastors are embezzling money paid as tithe? if you've worked in a church before you'll know that most churches have lots of expenses. most churches pay instrumentalists, choir directors, pastor's assistant, secretaries and other senior and junior pastors. So you can't really say for sure that pastors are enriching themselves with church money.

if you no the number of people some churches are sponsoring in school and assisting, bro you'll be very amazed. that's why I said judgement should be left to God. pastors are much different from politicians and money paid as tithe and offering is different from tax payers money that the politicians are embezzling. What a church does with money you've given to God should be non of your business because you were not forced to give the money to God or the church. but what the politicians do with our taxes is our business because we were compelled to pay such taxes

if a church raised Money for a project and the project wasn't executed, the members have every right to know what happened to the money. such scenario is different from tithe and offering. tithe and offering are for the maintenance of the church, the ministers and the work of God. bro church get many expenses o! if you've not worked in a church before you won't know that most churches are paying many people from tithe and offering. like I said before, let God be the judge. stay blessed.

desiredhome:
Lol, if the so call Pastor are not using the money for it's purpose, rather living fat and venturing into other businesses while the real owners are becoming poorer? That is a crime.

It's Gods' money when it serve the needs of the congregation/people otherwise its pastors money which is the reason every where is Church Church Church, all for the money not for souls.

Let God be the judge. Don't allow your dislike for pastors prevent you from loving God, living for him and making eternity. All man shall stand for himself /herself and give account before God. So live your life and allow God to be the judge.
stay blessed!

Iamicekid:
This is the best tweet of the year, how can you be owing people who probably also need the money and you go ahead to pay tithe to millionaires and billionaires pastors... make God forgive all of us

point of correction, you don't pay tithe to pastors but to God. it's God that blesses a person, not the pastor. regardless of your grouse against pastors, there are still some genuine and spirit filled men of God out there. And also, it's not a crime for a pastor to be wealthy. stop judging!

You people should stop all this silly debate about whether you should pay tithe or not. paying of tithe should be a personal decision. if you want to pay, good and if you don't want to pay, good. God is more interested in the type of life you live and how you represent him as a Christian than your tithe.

not paying tithe will not make you go to heaven or hell. it's the life you live that counts before God. though there're special blessings attached to paying of tithe. the choice is yours. all this tithe debate don too much! nobody dey force you to pay

nobody should expect Boko Haram to ever go away From nigeria. the military will never defeat them, not because they can't, but because the ogas at the top have understood that it's existence is very lucrative to them. also, some politicians are using them to discredit their opposition. Boko Haram is more like a political terrorist group now serving both the military ogas and top politicians.

I just pity for the people that their lives are being traded because of money and power. so sad!

IamaNigerianGuy:
You must be an avid consumer of romantic novels.

I don't read romantic novel. I hardly read novel. just stating what marriage actually is. the benefits of marriage are much more than sex and children. marry someone you can sacrifice for without being told and that can do same for you and you would understand how blissful this marriage truly is. it's never overrated.

IamaNigerianGuy:
The only true and irreplaceable advantage of marriage is that it gives kids legitimacy and a stable environment to grow up in. Everything else marriage offers can be gotten outside it.

You can't get half of what marriage offers outside of marriage. Most of us think that marriage is about sex and having someone to cook for you or pay your bills. Marriage is about life building. You trust someone with your life, dreams, emotions and everything about you and both of you work together to make each other the best both of you can be. Marriage is the only institution that can make your fully responsible to someone and that someone fully responsible to you. Marriage gives you the license to enjoy the best of your partner and your partner the best of you and both of you combine to create a life that both of you would impart your best into. Bro, no other relationship can boast of giving half of the benefits that marriage gives. Marriage was made for the comfort and enjoyment of humans. It's real fun and bliss if you go into it with the right person. Marriage is not overrated in anyway

omooba969:
Marriage (as I would refer to it) is one of the various forms of relationships around only that it's given more prominence i.e. setting a date for recognition of such relationship & celebrating same. I would agree that it comes with its own responsibilities & challenges, just as other forms of relationships like friendships, workplace relationships, casual relationships, family relationships, romantic relationships and so on.

I have no problems with marriage but you need to understand that it means different things to different people nowadays. Most people (sorry to say) go into marriage for personal/economic benefits or as a result of societal pressure, of which they lack the virtues & values for sustenance of the marriage.

What more can I say...

People going into marriage for personal gain doesn't make marriage the problem but the people. When you know what marriage is and why you want to get married, you'll be very careful of the kind of person that you'll allow into your life and commit your life to. The fact that so many people are choosing to abuse marriage doesn't make marriage bad or overrated. marriage is the best institution for man because it's the foundation of the family; and the family is the best environment to raise any child to becoming responsible adult.

When marriage works, the family structure get strengthneed and both the parents and kids are happier for it. The reverse is the case when marriage gets destroyed. choose your life partner with care so that you and your unborn children can enjoy the blessings of marriage. Marriage is the ultimate expression of relationship between two humans (male and female ) and it 's never overrated

omooba969:
Marriage (as I would refer to it) is one of the various forms of relationships around only that it's given more prominence i.e. setting a date for recognition of such relationship & celebrating same. I would agree that it comes with its own responsibilities & challenges, just as other forms of relationships like friendships, workplace relationships, casual relationships, family relationships, romantic relationships and so on.

I have no problems with marriage but you need to understand that it means different things to different people nowadays. Most people (sorry to say) go into marriage for personal/economic benefits or as a result of societal pressure, of which they lack the virtues & values for sustenance of the marriage.

What more can I say...

People going into marriage for personal gain doesn't make marriage the problem but the people. When you know what marriage is and why you want to get married, you'll be very careful of the kind of person that you'll allow into your life and commit your life to. The fact that so many people are choosing to abuse marriage doesn't make marriage bad or overrated. marriage is the best institution for man because it's the foundation of the family; and the family is the best environment to raise any child to becoming responsible adults.

When marriage works, the family structure get strengthneed and both the parents and kids are happier for it. The reverse is the case when marriage get destroyed. choose your life partner with care so that you and your unborn children can enjoy the blessings of marriage. Marriage is the ultimate expression of relationship between two humans (male and female ) and it 's never overrated

femi4:
Mumu....how much was dollar in 2011 and 2015?
Besides, we cannot rely on fake card readers used in Gej tenure

You can't rely on fake card readers Buhar used in winning the election en. I know say u be strong APC supporter but no be everything dem dey defend.

omooba969:
Marriage is good but overrated.

what is overrated about marriage? please I would love to know.

marriage is the best institution on Earth. it leads to the building of family and the society. Show me any society where the institution of marriage is still being upheld and I would show you a society that is law abiding and orderly.

there can be no functional family without a healthy marriage and kids would have no real understanding of relationship, without marriage. marriage is very underrated nowadays

okwabayi:
...and so?
Marriages don’t last nowadays. I doubt they were meant to right from time.
Our parents only stayed together out of the fear of ostracization.
Nowadays society is not as judgemental as days past.

this is a skewed reasoning. our parents never stayed together because of any ostracization. if I should ask, ostracization from whom?
our parents stayed together because they knew the value of marriage.

mynairaland2018:
Everything she said actually makes a lot of sense.

A lot of married women would love to do this but are not brave enough.

I'm still trying to see the sense in what she wrote that you saw. or maybe not understanding that compromise and sacrifice are part of marriage is the sense you saw right? A lot of married women are trying to make their marriage work not run from it.

Have you all noticed that most people tend to paint marriage in a bad light after their marriage had failed? I read what she wrote and started feeling sorry for the guy that married her. I'm not saying that the guy is a saint but from what she wrote you would figure that she never got an idea of what marriage truly entails.

Everyone's trying to make marriage look like a problem after their marriage had failed when they are actually the problem