₦airaland Forum

mostly you will find that its not a topic for everyday. try to find a convenient time that has a relaxed atmosphere... then casually chip in one or two things...
subsequently you will graduate into ADVICE.
meaning you will now be in a better position to advice about what to do and how to cope with friends or peers who surround them daily.
one thing ...always allow their peers into your home so as to monitor their activities. be friendly to their pals too so they will always love to be around you...then you use the opportunity to discuss with them together. you will realize they (your kids and their pals) will bond to you better and always want to hear from you ...

good.
this usually is clumsy to most parents and most times procrastination comes in and the issue is shelved and the children are left to their own and whatever they learn about that may not be as worthy as when parents teach the children.
recently the need to start early has become necessary because the children themselves are exposed so early especially from movies and obscene music videos that have now become the norm.
if you have been friendly with your kids from onset it becomes easier to talk about sex to them without being shy or clumsy.
you may take the opportunity when for instance you're all watching a movie and a steamy scene is shown...use that as impulse to start the topics on sex and sex education. of course be sure that the younger crew are exempted.
soft questions like "do you know what happened between the man and woman in the movie as they lay in bed?"
their answers will generate more questions and make sure you assure them they're free to talk RESPECTFULLY about the topic.
never make jesting or scornful remarks about the subject or about anyone.
create in them the notion that sex is for adults and MARRIED adults. always in a gentle way tcondemn premarital sex.
mention the inherent consequences and be sure to always respect their comments and contributions.
try to also make them value their bodies and understand that flaunting and exposure of flesh doesn't glorify the MAKER rather debases the person and exposes such person to abuse and sex crimes...
like I said their comments and questions will help you chart the way you will also go about talking teaching and training them on the topic. cheers.

kai. the way you described the "average". Nigerian man weak me o! if you do have a boyfriend or husband or father or brother, are they above the average you mentioned?
i kmow you were trying to get us to see the sitiation but reducing us to that level in the language you used isnt proper please. if you dont mind you can rephrase your statements...thank you.

234GT:
That is not an excuse for me to cheat those who are not employed. I earn 7 times of what npower pays after tax. My conscience will not allow me rest if I cheat unemployed youths, because I was also unemployed at a time, and my getting my current job is by God's grace.

thank you God bless you. reading through the comments shows the mindset of most of us my brother, no matter how well the government means to alleviate the problems of the youth we will still remain sacarstic and indolent. yet the same are crying there's no work while brushing aside this opportunity. what else do we want for crying out loud?
maintain your integrity sir! I salute you!

Ehiscotch:
Whenever I see this kinda threads on NL and read its comments, I just weep for Nigeria.
Like aren't they ever tired of being tribalists all day.

my dear I tire o! when the names are mentioned their tribesmen never raise objection to these acts but rip the whole of NL down when the pendulum swings in another direction. what's our gain? suppose the secession succeeds is this the "glory" your fellows will give you internationally?
let's be reasonable and objective pls. somehow I'm getting fed up with NL.

most people just break simple rules for making comments on NL! they've nothing in their minds other than insults and spewing thrash. and funny enough these group seem to all come from a part of this country that's known for empty boasts...
my submission:
take a cue from Usain Bolt. he's decided that no endorsements or publicity or whatsoever that has him as centre will be done OUTSIDE Jamaica! ask him! he's said Jamaican youth need the jobs therefore all photoshoots etc must be done in Jamaica.... that's patriotism.
here we are on nairaland just embarrassing our Prez and our very selves ...

oh dear...I'm speechless! you mean a mother supports her own daughter in the act of exposure of private parts if this is true I expect women who still have virtue to come out and stage a very serious protest! if this is allowed to ride then I know 90% hope of sanity being restored is down the drain....
I'm very sorry to hear this from a mother!

once you become overprotective and don't give your child freedom to explore or express himself he will surely lie to avoid your beam .
again you're harsh and too judgemental of your child's work, words, friends, games, attitude and leisure that child will be under EXTREME pressure, then LYING becomes his second nature even if he has genuine intentions and purpose because he'll feel you won't approve or you don't trust his abilities!

it is quite abnormal. we're talking about adults here not children. are you saying if your parents or hers were around she'll feel so comfortable? not surprised though that it's the woman who's going unclad. if it were the guy the woman will never accept his explanation!
now imagine you have kids, should you expect them to see you unclad? would you expect them to accept it as "normal"? pls advice your wife, these scenes leads to porn and other unsavory sex crimes if one isn't careful.
cheers.

1234IKECHhukwu:
look at who is talking,how many ladies have u helped in ur life freely without having any ulterior motive in ur heart,one thing about helping this strange ladies without attaching anything to it is that they 'll see u as a mugu or tend to see it as their right which is very bad on their own side.

my guy I'm not here to boast about anything but from your name I'm not surprised that you speak like that cos that's your character.
whether they see you as mugu or not is irrelevant, do what you have to and keep your heart clean...if you can't then don't help just tell them in clear terms what they should expect and if they agree then....

congrats to them both, it's great challenge and they scaled through,! now, those that are able to do same, the ball is in your court. don't date slayers don't date for sex don't date for fun plan a life with a guy/girl and see how things go!!!

oh maaannn...when will we learn to freely give and not expect anything back? personally I hate to relate with men who feel they must taste the Lady they want to help. I get pissed off. that's why corruption will remain our guest for a long time to come. on the other hand females cause these problems. when you offer help to a Lady in distress they tend to "attach" a "I can also offer my body in support of your help" and this easily sends bad signals to the male folk. I'm talking from experience!! ladies PLEASE do the world a favour don't attach yourself as collateral just cos of help from a human!!! men, fear what God can do...if you don't believe in God...fear karma. I rest my case.

carammel:
In addition to this, once a woman starts running away from sex, then the man begins to threaten "i will go after other women o", some women do not care and from here,the man gets another woman pregnant and the population keeps increasing
I think government or bodies in charge of the family planning programme should make vasectomy compulsory for men's if they're actually want to control population :Did,a woman shouldn't be the only one to face the consequence of doing family planning.

right!
lots of times women don't help matters especially when the man hardly shows concern about impregnating his wife. a woman will run away from sex claiming tiredness or for frivolous reasons like "is sex food?"
I honestly believe that a couple should truly and wholly be one...in thoughts and deed especially in raising kids. so BOTH should discuss together and go together for counsel and when a choice of contraception is made they should also be there for each other. most men just feel its a woman's duty to determine how and when to protect herself from conception and unfortunately most women feel I should not tell my husband I'm not pregnant o after all we've been having sex regularly!
sort yourselves out!! that way no unwanted pregnancy no population explosion!

chii8:
Please, what are the side effects of these contraceptives? Don't tell me they don't have any, especially the IUCD (coil).

of course there are side effects but before you start on any contraception you must see your doctor first and he will advise accordingly. the IUCD I must say has the best performance with minimum stress but like I said see your Doc first. cheers.

sometimes "news" is based on sensationalism.
minna flooded- yet what we're seeing is low lying areas that are perennially flooded and are really swamps!
its 2:25pm now, minna looks like it never rained at all!! dry!!! why do people enjoy making things look as though we're a cursed nation? now with that "news" some guys have taking to bemoaning our "situation" blaming the President as though it's within his powers to stop rains!
the fires that consumed lives in England recently, were they sent as punishment to the English because they want to exit the EU? natural hazards are not because of one person or the other else Japan and Turkey would be extinct by now....
Nigerians. learn to appreciate where you live and follow simple constituted authority. haba!!!

not surprised anyway but I really don't think a girl irrespective of her age or status should put up a pic of this nature on the net. looking at her feet tells a lot about her state of wellbeing. slack slippers and the environment where this pic was taken shows you the calibre of her thoughts and maybe actions.
I don't want to sit in judgement but I think she's made herself vulnerable to lust, unwanted pregnancy and eventually poverty.
questions arise, where are here parents?
what's their opinion on socialization of youth?
have they ever cautioned their children on the evils of the society?
it's a difficult situation...

thanks for the throw back bro...
i remember that match as though it were yesterday...also watched it live with most of other games then
really he deserved the match but we know he was robbed.
hope we can see were we need to charge u our patrotism to enable us excel.

Rukkydelta:
Where can a find a man like you?

they are usually found when you are objective and a bit laid back
realistic and show dexterity
just keeo your eyes open

Legalbeing:
why will they learn to respect the father?

simple,if a man does all this to honour his wife and compliment her then it is the wifes duty to honour and respect him in turn by praising him often in the presence of his children and commenting to the children how lucky they are to have a father that loves his family enough to go even beyond his normal duties to keep the family together. Once she is also seen doing the chores alongside the man and including the children in the house work and not dishing out orders the children will definitely grow up witrh a sense of responsibility and respect for their dad.

Legalbeing:
I use to wake up 5.am everyday sometimes before my wife.
Am absolutely happy doing lovely thing for my wife. I enjoy cooking breakfast, washing dishes, sweeping the restroom bath the children and many more. During weekends i use to wash all the cloths willingly, If the child poo i dont wait for my wife to take it off, i know how to do it...

Several occasion i over heard my Neighbour Jonah telling my friend that am a woman wrapper. Many will gossip at my back, my front and everywhere. my wife sometimes out of what people will say started to refuse my help even when she is exausted, she will try not to show a sign..

Why is it that men dont help out in doing home chores?...
Is it a law that when a man marries he is immune and he's not suppose to do home chores? Am tired and i think i want to stop

My dear... We're in same situation o! No difference between us! Keep it up ...your kids will learn to respect you...kudos once more.

DonEd:
Its high time we stopped posting and commenting on pictures of women and their curves or what not. What happened to promoting women to be better wives, better mothers or better members of a corporate organisation or even the society?

Nairaland is used to be one stop for a whole lot of informative topics but now a haven for irrelevant stuffs.

Over and out.

Seconded! All this display of private parts does not equate to common sense or business acumen. Why don't the oyibos stress all this? Because they're working night and day to improve! This "parts" will lose their appeal soon and the babe discarded like used toilet paper...let's make nairaland a thinktank of ideas and progress...I rest my case

DanXplore:
Yes...i see your point. There is also a thin line between correct discipline and over protectiveness. wisdom is needed to operate within the limits of appropriate discipline. I trust you will find a way to explain to your wife. Another thing is one should always let the child know and understand his wrong else the so called discipline will be misconstrued by the child

Thank you sir for the advice...and yes I always let them know when they're wrong and let them know how to feel when correction is administered strongly. Thanks again.

dangotesmummy:
do you know of any therapist not pastor o because when my mom took me to pastors as a kid saying I need deliverance I hated pastors more.I don't even go to church self because pastors aggravate matters more

Pastors are out of it dear.
Unfortunately I don't know any therapist here unless one can Google up something ...personally I've been helping people in the past overcome some of these kinds of situation though I'm not a professional. But on your own there's a way to give yourself healing.

dangotesmummy:
In Nigeria emotional abuse= correction

In their mind they think they're correcting you not knowing they're killing you from inside.I also hated going home during the holidays. When I'm in school I'm always happy. My classmates, friends and teachers made me feel good about myself. Even when my teachers wanted to correct me it wasn't brash but the moment it's holiday one kind of sadness and depression will envelope me

Meanwhile if I don't come home they'll say so you want to be ri irikun ri not knowing all I wanted was peace

It has affected my adult life now because anytime someone is shouting or speaking to me angrily or not even talking to me or just shouting at someone around me I get so anxious, I begin to shake that it shows outwardly, my heart begins to beat faster that I hear it,I begin to feel so uneasy


As a teenager when I was tongue lashed I used to pray in my heart that God should take me away in my sleep.I don't want to wake up to experience another bout or round of tongue lashing

I hated home terribly. I've tried to get over anxiety but its not working.I remember those days after the insults I won't be able to eat,my tummy will begin to hurt so bad.2,3days will pass I will not be hungry, I will buy vitamin c and multi vite so I'll have appetite, by the time the appetite comes,I will over eat.when I see my parents come back from work and they see me eating I will loose my appetite immediately or go to the room to be able to eat.it was that bad

my Lord and my God!!!
this should not go on... i realy felt my tommy churn at the fear and anxiety you experienced...healing comes from God alone.
you can imagine my feeling when my wife begins to raise her voice to the kids at home... i feel bad.
try to forget it even though its gonna be hard...one thing though if you have kids try to be a teacher to them and let them touch you hold your hands and try to understand their naivety as you help them along in their learning process,,,,in your mind keep saying,,,this is how to train up a child...seeking to balance their emotions and their ability....you will heal faster

dangotesmummy:
its rare for older generation of parents not to emotionally abuse their children

But I want to ask you a question. How do you correct your children when they err without emotionally abusing them because I want to learn too

ha..i was a bit shocked when you asked but...
first know the reason behind why a child gets abused, This is usually when they are asked to do a chore. most children will grumble or just do a hurried job of it and you find out its not clean enough or disposed of properly , your first reaction is to scream....STOP!
when you were that young how thorough or perfect were you? most times we tend to think a child becomes perfect after five attempts at doing something... but no i believe we must be patient with them.
there is what i do, i stay along side them and control my anger at their foolishness at the same time gently ask them to repeat the chore,
even when i am angry i just control my voice not to display my annoyance else they arte bound to make more mistakes
then i keep saying its better to work hard to be perfect....that is called a hands on approach
try to read their emotions andwork with it positively.
dont send them to bring plate from the kitchen then half way send them to the bedroom to bring pillow for you then send again for water from the fridge... that isnt a way to motivate a child,
do the work with them they enjoy it better,,,use words like i expect rather than you should know....they are learning yet!
choi! see work wey you give me this morning oooo but i enjoyed it... we fit hook up cos i fit learn from you tooo

hardly a day passes by that i dont recall some excessive words my parents spoke that left scars in my heart.
they never understood its effects on us as kids...low self esteem was the chief situation...
now i am married and i find my wife trying to toe that line and you need to see my reaction... unfortunately like most women she thinks i am being overprotective....now iam fighting her and fighting to save my eldest child from falling into that depressive state
the Lord will help us as parents,,,,

very funny that this complaint comes from a lady.
i say so cos most times a woman will just tie her wrapper at her chest and while doing chores the wrapper keeps falling revealing boobs and sometimes lower back to the level of bumbum and when a husband expresses his discontentment she just says there is no problem about it,,,,or say its only the kids and they are my kids so that isnt a problem....they always make you feel so
now a man is the subject and its on nairaland.
women listen up, try to cover yourself well before your kids and even relations and eventually outsiders. your beauty is for your man alone. dont you know the effect partial unclothedness has on even your kids..?
now to me and my fellow men...abeg in your own eyes you dont feel your nature but in the eyes of the average girl or woman it tells alot
i hardly let ladies see my chest not to talk of thighs and private areas
ask yourself what is going on in the mind of your child when he sees your wifes boobs carelessly displayed
woman do you swear that your child will not see your thighs or boobs and imagine another woman in his mind?
lets be decent in front of every other person and in privacy of your room strip and enjoy your nakednesssssss

i can guarantee that having a female bestie will only bring out the BEAST in your girlfriend....
best advice ..avoid having a bestie

Here's the opening lyrics to a song by Simon and Garfunkel that's very interesting ...
"Couple in the next room...bound to win a prize...
They've been going at it all night long.."
These words are left to the listeners to decipher what the couple were doing...
What do you think music lovers on nairaland?

ifyalways:
I love inter-tribal marriages and it has thus far worked perfectly in my family. It's super cool to have Yoruba, Hausa,Ewe, Fante/ashanti, Itskekiri, Ijaw,Igala etc aunties, uncles and cousins and in-laws. Family reunions are always a blast.

same here...i am idoma married to ashanti, my siblings are married to igbos and igalas, my late elder brother had a liberian wife...
my cousins are married to deltans and from kogi...
the variety is really exciting. Family reunion is always a blast

hmmmmmm....i am not surprised by most of the comments here. It goes to show how many of us are just existing and can not question nature progressively. No scientist has absolute knowledge but are daily seeking answers to baffling questions that baffle them.
This issue of flat earth should no longer be in doubt even if you were born yesterday....fact beyond doubt is that the earth is ROUND.
Where are we when probes are sent to the fringes of the solar system? these probes are flying at incredidle speed and yet takes hours for a single data to reach earth while those who sent them aare having sleepless nights monitoring them we are here talking about flat earth!
See wake up and smell the coffee... things have gone beyond what silly questions and comments we are making here.
Have you asked yourself how you are able to use your basic cell phone to call your friend who is miles away from you yet you can hear or see him in real time?
Africans will say na wizard dey inside dey talk
I advice us to ask questions that will profer proper answers to help answer our baffling questions about the universe rather than sit and ask why a stone falls to the ground yet say there is nothing like gravity.
As for the moon walk it really took place of course and later in 1974 the lunar rover was left behind there you can look for a strong telescope to help you do some search and what you will see will amaze you doubters.
Science is not about eating and drinking...it is about asking uestions and doing research