₦airaland Forum

dangotesmummy:
do you know of any therapist not pastor o because when my mom took me to pastors as a kid saying I need deliverance I hated pastors more.I don't even go to church self because pastors aggravate matters more

Pastors are out of it dear.
Unfortunately I don't know any therapist here unless one can Google up something ...personally I've been helping people in the past overcome some of these kinds of situation though I'm not a professional. But on your own there's a way to give yourself healing.

dangotesmummy:
In Nigeria emotional abuse= correction

In their mind they think they're correcting you not knowing they're killing you from inside.I also hated going home during the holidays. When I'm in school I'm always happy. My classmates, friends and teachers made me feel good about myself. Even when my teachers wanted to correct me it wasn't brash but the moment it's holiday one kind of sadness and depression will envelope me

Meanwhile if I don't come home they'll say so you want to be ri irikun ri not knowing all I wanted was peace

It has affected my adult life now because anytime someone is shouting or speaking to me angrily or not even talking to me or just shouting at someone around me I get so anxious, I begin to shake that it shows outwardly, my heart begins to beat faster that I hear it,I begin to feel so uneasy


As a teenager when I was tongue lashed I used to pray in my heart that God should take me away in my sleep.I don't want to wake up to experience another bout or round of tongue lashing

I hated home terribly. I've tried to get over anxiety but its not working.I remember those days after the insults I won't be able to eat,my tummy will begin to hurt so bad.2,3days will pass I will not be hungry, I will buy vitamin c and multi vite so I'll have appetite, by the time the appetite comes,I will over eat.when I see my parents come back from work and they see me eating I will loose my appetite immediately or go to the room to be able to eat.it was that bad

my Lord and my God!!!
this should not go on... i realy felt my tommy churn at the fear and anxiety you experienced...healing comes from God alone.
you can imagine my feeling when my wife begins to raise her voice to the kids at home... i feel bad.
try to forget it even though its gonna be hard...one thing though if you have kids try to be a teacher to them and let them touch you hold your hands and try to understand their naivety as you help them along in their learning process,,,,in your mind keep saying,,,this is how to train up a child...seeking to balance their emotions and their ability....you will heal faster

dangotesmummy:
its rare for older generation of parents not to emotionally abuse their children

But I want to ask you a question. How do you correct your children when they err without emotionally abusing them because I want to learn too

ha..i was a bit shocked when you asked but...
first know the reason behind why a child gets abused, This is usually when they are asked to do a chore. most children will grumble or just do a hurried job of it and you find out its not clean enough or disposed of properly , your first reaction is to scream....STOP!
when you were that young how thorough or perfect were you? most times we tend to think a child becomes perfect after five attempts at doing something... but no i believe we must be patient with them.
there is what i do, i stay along side them and control my anger at their foolishness at the same time gently ask them to repeat the chore,
even when i am angry i just control my voice not to display my annoyance else they arte bound to make more mistakes
then i keep saying its better to work hard to be perfect....that is called a hands on approach
try to read their emotions andwork with it positively.
dont send them to bring plate from the kitchen then half way send them to the bedroom to bring pillow for you then send again for water from the fridge... that isnt a way to motivate a child,
do the work with them they enjoy it better,,,use words like i expect rather than you should know....they are learning yet!
choi! see work wey you give me this morning oooo but i enjoyed it... we fit hook up cos i fit learn from you tooo

hardly a day passes by that i dont recall some excessive words my parents spoke that left scars in my heart.
they never understood its effects on us as kids...low self esteem was the chief situation...
now i am married and i find my wife trying to toe that line and you need to see my reaction... unfortunately like most women she thinks i am being overprotective....now iam fighting her and fighting to save my eldest child from falling into that depressive state
the Lord will help us as parents,,,,

very funny that this complaint comes from a lady.
i say so cos most times a woman will just tie her wrapper at her chest and while doing chores the wrapper keeps falling revealing boobs and sometimes lower back to the level of bumbum and when a husband expresses his discontentment she just says there is no problem about it,,,,or say its only the kids and they are my kids so that isnt a problem....they always make you feel so
now a man is the subject and its on nairaland.
women listen up, try to cover yourself well before your kids and even relations and eventually outsiders. your beauty is for your man alone. dont you know the effect partial unclothedness has on even your kids..?
now to me and my fellow men...abeg in your own eyes you dont feel your nature but in the eyes of the average girl or woman it tells alot
i hardly let ladies see my chest not to talk of thighs and private areas
ask yourself what is going on in the mind of your child when he sees your wifes boobs carelessly displayed
woman do you swear that your child will not see your thighs or boobs and imagine another woman in his mind?
lets be decent in front of every other person and in privacy of your room strip and enjoy your nakednesssssss

i can guarantee that having a female bestie will only bring out the BEAST in your girlfriend....
best advice ..avoid having a bestie

Here's the opening lyrics to a song by Simon and Garfunkel that's very interesting ...
"Couple in the next room...bound to win a prize...
They've been going at it all night long.."
These words are left to the listeners to decipher what the couple were doing...
What do you think music lovers on nairaland?

ifyalways:
I love inter-tribal marriages and it has thus far worked perfectly in my family. It's super cool to have Yoruba, Hausa,Ewe, Fante/ashanti, Itskekiri, Ijaw,Igala etc aunties, uncles and cousins and in-laws. Family reunions are always a blast.

same here...i am idoma married to ashanti, my siblings are married to igbos and igalas, my late elder brother had a liberian wife...
my cousins are married to deltans and from kogi...
the variety is really exciting. Family reunion is always a blast

hmmmmmm....i am not surprised by most of the comments here. It goes to show how many of us are just existing and can not question nature progressively. No scientist has absolute knowledge but are daily seeking answers to baffling questions that baffle them.
This issue of flat earth should no longer be in doubt even if you were born yesterday....fact beyond doubt is that the earth is ROUND.
Where are we when probes are sent to the fringes of the solar system? these probes are flying at incredidle speed and yet takes hours for a single data to reach earth while those who sent them aare having sleepless nights monitoring them we are here talking about flat earth!
See wake up and smell the coffee... things have gone beyond what silly questions and comments we are making here.
Have you asked yourself how you are able to use your basic cell phone to call your friend who is miles away from you yet you can hear or see him in real time?
Africans will say na wizard dey inside dey talk
I advice us to ask questions that will profer proper answers to help answer our baffling questions about the universe rather than sit and ask why a stone falls to the ground yet say there is nothing like gravity.
As for the moon walk it really took place of course and later in 1974 the lunar rover was left behind there you can look for a strong telescope to help you do some search and what you will see will amaze you doubters.
Science is not about eating and drinking...it is about asking uestions and doing research

As a child I was never understood and that was traumatic and put me under a lot of pressure to tell many untruths... In fact its been my prayer and I'm working hard to let my kids to let me know their weaknesses so I don't use it against them consciously or otherwise... Pressure on kids leads them to tell lies even when there's no need!

dominique:
In other words, women should be enslaved, intimidated and put through every form of inconvenience so she doesn't "lord over you". Which caves are these crop of men raised in?
It seems you people are pained that women are getting bolder and more empowered. Most women are no longer towing the path of "keep quiet, stay submissive and keep praying" our clerics have brainwashed us with for decades. We're getting smarter and wiser, you're getting angrier. Hope you don't hit your head on a wall.

If you want to enjoy your marriage, respect your
spouse and treat him/her the way you want to be treated. Chikena

I'm sorry you seem not to have read my words properly or just chose to ignore my meaning.
...typical!!

pocohantas:
Shattap!yes...I told him to shattap! It's better to be silent, that open your mouth and display your stupidity. It's not an insult, it's an order. I'm doing him good

Especially which Nigerian women? African women are trained right from birth to worship men. You think you know more than the numerous Nigerian guys coming back every Xmas to pick wives? In saner climes, lots of you Nigerian men would be rotting in jail for various degrees of assault. That's why after ranting, you guys still marry Nigerian women. Only them can tolerate your big sh!it.

If a woman isn't submissive you do away with her and marry a submissive wife. You don't go beating your wife like an animal, even animals have rights these days. What if she dies in the process? Would anyone will listen to your story that she isn't submissive?

Hypocrites, when a woman's husband cheats on her, being emotional abuse...they advise her to pray. Then turn around to justify domestic violence, claiming it's the right punishment for verbal abuse. How do you know she isn't submissive? Maybe couples should start going physical on each other for every issue in the marriage. Let's see if the death rate in Nigeria won't rise...

Babez, if you see a good Nigerian man, hold am tight o. At this rate, the value of some Nigerian men would soon be like Zimbabwean dollars that year.

You all should keep quoting me, be rest assured you won't be dignified with a response.

Thank you for expressing yourself so clearly. I'm happy . My only regret is as much as I hate to see women in trouble I realize that women are the source of their own problems!!
Suffice to say, help a wife with domestic chores and she thinks she's lord over you suddenly. Submission means a lot of things to different people. Each couple have means to sort all these difference out but because they focus on other couple's"serenity" they lose focus of their own!
Once again I love your "firing from the hip"!

itsik:
So like this, like this. This has come to stay.
Morals going small small.

24yrs and baby mama and proud.
Chai.
Am just so scared for my own children. They might learn this from out there. And believe you me, this is not right.
Wish her the best though.

Don't worry bro, as your parents did give you sound moral upbringing so also you shall bring up your kids. Don't let then idolize anyone but you and your wife. Let them know the value of marriage by your deeds and example ...then leave the rest to God.
That's what I'm doing now.

Hmmmm...some people are just advising based on "no experience"!
Agreed you live in a small room
Agreed MIL dey around
Agreed wifey dey feel shy
Agreed baby is just 2 months old...
All this is your lot..
Now your body is now calling for action, those telling you to wait have their hormones and you have yiurs to contend with. They can't understand how you feel about it.
Bro...calmly and subtly coax your wife with slight touches during the day and eye contact she will know how you need the bleep...if you are smart enough to arouse her she will give in soon. MIL at home or not. Personally I'm of the opinion that gentle love making helps heal the wife and eases tension in her too. I know your wife just feels her mum should not see her as giving in too early...she's yours mould her to taste for you and you for her...
Funny I was very shy first time I took my wife to my mum ...didn't want to sleep in same room but my wife said "show her you love me" I didn't waste any time thinking otherwise!! Good luck bro...

Hmmmm...I guess being an already bright student I had no issues with courses but ...I met a lady who seem cool enough to me and we hit off immediately... 22 years later we're together married with 3 lovely kids! I'll never forget the day I met her!

jeromzy:
Pls where can I get a live python??

Your best bet is to visit the jungle yourself. Google it and locate the best place in Africa...the African rock Python will love to have you as owner...

I faced number 10 and yes it still affects me. As a parent now I really try to make my kids comfortable so they won't learn to be impulsive liars...
Put a kid under pressure and lies become his second nature!

[quote author=NarnieSnyper post=55034929]Hahaha! Lmao @ Op's second post; here i was thinking i have had worse. Thank Jah there are people who have experienced worse.

Well, mine happened not too long ago. Was invited to a party by a friend from another school. Fast forward to the "dance for all" session. My friend introduced me to this very pretty girl, and we clicked like snap! Instantly. I thought i was in the zone and had gotten a girlfriend after about 7months of drought(being single).

I was literally making this girl laugh, as in she'd laugh and spill her drink.....then we danced for a while and went to a dark corner to talk, told her liked her and seems like we clicked(i was being totally sincere here),she even agreed to that. Next thing a guy came from nowhere to take her away and told me "please, oga, it is enough,this is my girlfriend". I was pissed and ready to start a fight but she begged me to keep my cool.

Anyways, long story short, she told me she wasnt herself that day, i should forgive her and forget everything we talked about. I thought she was trying to do what girls usually do. I told her i'd like to come see her again, she refused and told me not to call her again and that the guy is her fiancé, then she cut the line.

Peee... Peeeee....peeeeeeeeeeetttt! And the referee blew the final whistle!

Hmmm...the internet has its usefulness to humanity but Nigerian ladies use it to show their lack of intelligence... It's all about boobs bum and empty skulls showing off their "assets"
I always ask, those who have shown off theirs before you what has been their retirement benefit? Has the "asset" yielded any true dividends?
Parents are also not helping matters, especially mothers. Which one of the mothers will proudly show off her "assets" and win a prize? Hands up if you are one!

Just wondering what the situation would have looked like had the case be reversed. Would the woman had stayed? Just wondering ....

Analee:
u missunderstood,dnt know if u read wat i wrote well,i neva castigated bible,abeg bro abi sister do wateva u believe,e.gin my church a deeper life pastor,wil nt name d district is n charge testified hw God delieverd him 4m masturbatn,n dat has causd delayd marriage,dat d spirit wife cm physically to him lemme stop here,nw who read bible pass deeperlife pple?wen it comes to pieceing/interprete d bible na dem cari first,bt u can c upon his a pastor,d problm was stil der,he said even wen he goes to d field to play ball,he wil leave odas n go to masturbate,he said ds single act has deprivd him so many tins,it was wen his sister suggestd OPM to him,he decided to cm n pick d prayer assigmnt on water spirit,dat was wen everytin stoppd,so u can c dat d bible is nt enof to counter dat spirit,wat dat spirit understands is a higher power dat is higher dan its own.

Thank you my brother for your calm response. I only want us to always view all things in the light of the scriptures. Let me say that every Christian is expected to study 2Tim2:15
So also what ever we hear or see we must compare and contrast it against the bible as our standard.
I wish you and I can study privately so as we can reason together to find out what's true and what is mere formulated.
Cheers and God bless.

Analee:
am nt tryn to promote my church,ds s nt even a mata of church, i only gav a solutn to dos who r xperiencin such,these tins r real believ it or nt,bible or no bible,u talk as if uve bin livin in d moon,ds nt abt nigeria,its nt abt doctrine,its a spiritual tin,dat nids a higher power to counter it,if u read bible n u dnt encounter a higher power dat can break dat yoke,u js wastn u tym,i know ppl dnt believ dat spirit hubby n wife exist,believ it or nt it exist,i pray dat God shud reli open eyes to spiritual tins.

Oh my brother, I understand your point. U also need to understand one thing don't preach any doctrine Jesus never preached. Cos each time you say "bible or no bible" means you don't believe in the truth and finality of the bible. Most of you who propound the "marine spirit" doctrines always leave your Bible at the background and tell us how you met Christ one on one and also had dinner with the devil...I believe you but do not bring it into the doctrine of Christ. Read 2john9.
God is not the author of confusion. If I ask 5 of you who say they have encounter with these spirits to describe them you will all have varying descriptions that cast doubt on your integrity. I have met with one guy with the same notion and when I put him to Bible test he angrily told me to choose to believe his story or not. I told him I will hold fast to only what the Bible teaches and not more.
The devil is very cunning and can make you believe you are doing the right thing by believing in those unproven doctrines and you forget to follow Scripture.
Be wary of what you hold fast to. Is it taught by Christ? The apostles? Then where did u get your authority from?

Analee:
yea.dey truly exist dey ar d ones responsible 4 makn love,eatin,swimming n d river,snake chasin u n d dream,havin child in d dream etc,n al des comes tru sex,it comes tru oda means,bt sex is d major source,if u ar xperencin any of these n more,cm to OPM n pick prayer assignment on water spirit,i once eatn,makn luv etc anytym gud tins wants to cm i wil c ma self eatn n makn luv n d dream,d gud tin wil js disappear,it causes so many tins,backwardness,late marriage,job etc,bt as i came to OPM took assigmnt i nolonger xperience such.

Let me just say you are promoting your denomination.
Tell me, this "sex in dreams, eating in dreams etc" was it told in the Bible that these "dreams " have spiritual meanings? If not where did you get your authority? Faith comes from hearing by the WORD of God written in the Bible. We can totally believe it...any other "source" is doubtful.
Why did we not hear any example of this funny doctrine from the apostles? Why? Now suddenly it appears in Nigeria as doctrine!

Honestly I'm always the curious type and I ask questions and I need answers ONLY from the BIBLE. Why you may ask. Because these fantastic demon marine spirit and what have you are not told to us in the Bible the way we're hearing from those who seem to dwell more on "spirit husband....etc"
How do you guys ible revealed?
Did the Apostles ever encounter this situation? If yes why don't we read about it in the Bible?
Dont you think it's safer to follow Bible instructions only and leave out all these stories that only help to confuse genuine seekers of Bible truth?
Mind you I'm not in doubt of the existence of evil or evil spirits cos already we're warned about them in the Bible but many people have stepped beyond what is written to formulate greater doctrine of these spirits.
Can you really authenticate your beliefs backed by scripture?
Fact is since lots of people know little about this those who claim to have sat with the devil himself have taken advantage and are dwelling on gullibility of truth seekers.
The lack of uniformity of these beliefs vary thereby casting doubts on the doctrine itself.
Why dont we just trust in the Lord and face those things he has revealed to us to follow and bw saved rather than being awed by this works of imagination by claimants!
What shall be the yardstick for judgement? John 12:48 says the words of Jesus.
Matt 28:20-22 tells us Christ has all power in heaven and elsewhere and we're commanded to obey ONLY what He taught....nothing more.

Here's the thing...
If for any reason the vvg is offered or demanded by a lady who was helped or by a man who helped then prostitute and patron are the offeror and offeree respectively ....
I always tell ladies the moment I render help I will be expecting nothing in return...just in case they expect the situation to be like "normal"!

July 7th

Our "actresses" are just purely for show of body and fashion. They hardly break sweat in a video...because the story sef na palour to bedroom scenes! If beauty was qualification for Hollywood most of our "actresses" for dey there involved in real movie lines like Angelina Jolie dem etc...
But na so so selfie of boobs and nyansh be our lot! Sorry beauty brains and balance is my kinda woman! Empty vessels make the loudest noises!

myking95:
I can't imagine seeing a naked woman I'm attracted to and not having an erection. I remember one morning I woke up without morning wood...I jx suffered a severe heartbreak the previous night...likena shot to the heart. I was 21 at the time. Mehn I jx kukuma assume say e don happen o...no be serious prayer...no room for forming in dat area o...jx happened that I was too too stressed. White onions, zinc and blood tonic did the trick. Took me close to a year to get back to full strength. Since that episode... I've sworn I no go carry anybody matter for head.

Better o!! No joy if joystick no dey stand o!! No enjoyment dey pass that one I tell you. That guy better go see dokinto fast!!!

myking95:
He visits prostitutes. Them don use this guy sperm do rituals. Its more like a joke, but its a likely possibility. These prostitutes can be very diabolical... Nothing good comes out from an encounter with them

Yea but I still think he's burned out and needs to recover with new ideas and refresh his memory on how pure sex is enjoyed in marriage.
I really wish I met him one on one it would have been really worthwhile.

It's funny that it's the woman who's still attached to her ex and lamenting about how her ex does this and that better. If reverse was the case hmmmmm....the pope would have heard her voice and would still hear it ringing in his head! Dirty linen would have been displayed for all to see and nuclear war broken out...that's how intolerant women are!
The hubby needs to put her in order once and for all and make sure the ex truly becomes ex in head mind and media!
Sit up husband and claim your territory!!!!