₦airaland Forum

longetivity:
stay at home

Fastestmanalive:
Stay at home, stay at home they won't hear

Everyone please stay at home ooo

It's for your own safety

Hypocrisy at the top.

May the God who guides you forgive you for you know not what you are saying.


Have you read where a truck rammed into a building killing the occupants?

Or before covid-19 Pandemic, we don't record accidents?

It's proven that it's better to remain silence than incurring curse on yourself.

Nawa o.

Poverty, may you never have generation. E no go better for you.


See price of just A car.

Esanboy111:
Mikel na player? Mtcheew abeg shift

No!!!

He is a stripper

tiredoflife:
.
Oga u need to be yahoo to bring oyinbo down
Its called dating format

So there is no legit online dating, is that what you are telling me

So how is he a suspect of fraud

From the account given up there, is there anything to make anyone assume the boyfriend is into yahoo?

NIGERIA matter sef. It could be he wanted to escape this country via marriage for green passport, but luck and village people no gree.

Donhezzy:
I immediately dropped my books and was curious to know were she was heading to. So I followed er, she was far ahead of me and I didn't want to run after er so dat I won't look needy or desperate like a wu33y a77 nigga

God so good she stopped along d hallway and decided to go read under one of the trees, on knowing I went back to take some of the vital things from my bag so as to prevent stories dat touch ( I hope u know wat I meant, if u don't niether do I ) well i gave my bag to a friend of mine to keep an eye on it.

so I decided to go get a table water to cool my system( why rush a meal dats der for the taking) and perhaps I was really thirsty. So I bought d water and took a note wit me and off I went

I finally got to were she was, sat close to er and brought out d table water n started drinking. Wen I was done I relaxed and viewed d nice serene environment b4 I opened my note, pretending like i was reading wereas i was flipping tru d pages
NB : I didn't even look at er for a sec during dose while, well u may ask y, well heres the reason one
1) I didn't want er to get d memo dat I chased er all d way from d class down here bcuz i wanted to collect er digit in which she will read as ( here comes anoda peacock on heat can't just do wit anything under skirt. probably anoda one of dose nice wu33y average guyz ) , bottom line, neva let a gurl know ur true intentions towards er

2) sendless; make er less important trust me ladies love attention alot especially d hot Chic's and they get annoyed easily n obsessed wen a guy do d opposite
why don't u DARE to be DIFFERENT

So I was busy reading my note while she was well God knows wat she was doing i neva cared to know. she got bored reading and went on doing all sort of things to get my attention which I didn't budge. wen she noticed I wasn't getting any of it, she took er handbag brought out er phone and started pressing while she sheepishly stare at me wit one side of d eyes ( sleek move). Lol, dis continued for several minutes and i neva gave a flinch nor did i look at er for a sec. in my mind i was just laughing


Wen i saw all sort of stunt she was pulling trying to get my attention. I den brought out my phone n took a grimpse look at d time b4 i came to reality dat if i dont strike a convo sooner rather later, I'm going to end up not engrossing n spuring entangling fun out of er boring life. i quickly took a grimpse look at er n found out she was having hard time understanding a course cuz she was just staring at d book like it wants to choke d hell outa er. On seeing this i decided to strike a convo


Me: Are those words in ur book written in flames or cud my eyes be deceiving me? ( said it putting on a serious face)

She: *smiled*....I don't get


Me: ur head is oozing out of smoke, now I'm beginning to worry this tree might just catch fire

She: *laughed*....I'm just finding hard time wit dis course(phy301) ooo its giving me tough time


Me: is dat y u pondering urself over it, lucky 4 u I happen to know it

She: Omg! really?


Me: easy gurl yeah, buh u should know my service ain't free

Her: hmmm...so wats it for me den


Me: well heres not the time and place to discuss dat..........(took er phone, input my hotline n told er to call me to find out. stood up n told er I've gtg)

Her: oh so quick? btw wic side are u heading to cuz I'm already tired of reading let's just go togeda


Me: you tired just now, hmm i might just change my mind about d tutor stuff, how I'm I sure u not going to fall in love wit me d instance we start n 4get u came to learn
(smiled at er) inshort I'm not tutoring u again don't wanna break dose tiny little heart of urs n make u make u still fail ur exam

Her: (laughing so hard, she was stunned)..., imma big gurl n besides I don't fall dat easy.....let's go joor ( drag my hands and was forcing me to go)


Me: I must warn u my heart is too big for one girl too carry oo, if u fall for me its at ur own risk...btw I don't think u can handle the heat

Her: *laughing hard*.....sha be feeling urself by d way I ve a boyfriend


(in my mind i was like, so dis gal thinks she can throw me off balance wit dis word, well she gat to do beta dan dat to get me. only if she knew wat she has just done.. using er own words to hurt herself)
Me: wait! did she just try to play a fast one on me (i did it as if I was talking to myself wit a low tone), well u ve do beta Dan dat to get me

She: for real I have a bf n I love him dearly


Me: oh poor guy! It wud ve bin beta if u dint meet me cuz from now henceforth he's gonna be in a very long queue

She: Lol, wat makes u think I'm gonna leave my bf more or less for u....... I love him ok


Me: *laughed out* why is ur conscience judging u already, lol, no nid to feel guilty cuz I'm not about taking u away from him, perphaps i don't want to break d poor guy tinys heart n besides I don't ve a thing for dark gurls, u might just go staining me soft skin (mind u she is chocolate, got dat perfect blend of color admonished by nature. oh! forgot to mention shes a 9ner...hmm)

Her: see ur head, Do u know thousands of people ( guyz most especially) dat drool over my color I guess u dont know....do u know anything at all self


Me: Lol wat do u expect to hear from dose guyz dats tryna impress u..... of course they would go. waxing lyrically how blooming, glooming n enchanting ur skin is. they wouldn't wanna tell u d truth would they??

Her: lol, I receive compliment from girls also if u don't know

Me: so she's a lesby! well let me see ( I looked at er intensively like a doc inspecting one of his patients)
for a start er height is not bad for er body 5.4ft tall (I looked at er again n noticed she was putting on shoes)
oh! u think u can deceive me wit dose shoes abi OK I think 4.5 wud suffice.

She:arrrrrrh! I'm I dat short haba ( she was eager to hear the full analysis about er)

Me: she's got nice lips tho buh aint sure she knows how to use em... n d worst case scenario is, shes a lesby 4 dat mata, too bad cuz I've totally lost interest before she even get d chance to impress

Her: *cant help buh burst out wit laughter* so its me u analysed like dis abi, iyaf do b4 u finish me... wait!, oooo can't bliv ive bin talking to u all dis while and I dont know ur name.
(I guess she joltted back to reality n obviously dis word kept jolting tru er mind, ''can't bliv I'm so free n laughing my ass out wit a guy i dont even know his name''. yeah if I hapn to be d one I wudnt think more or less )


Me: oh so u can go n give it to one baba so u both can go saying my name at night abi......as if wooing me is not enuf buh still u want to use love portion on me. rababa, I'm covered wit da blawd
Arrrh! no way I'm telling u my name

Her:* laughing so hard to the extent she almost fell my bag from me hand...i kinda got embarrassed cuz dis time around, it was loud n obvious. I was like so dis same gurl forming hush n posh not quite long can laugh dis hard in public without giving a damn if anyone is watching er*

Her:U wish.... Pls just tell me ur name b4 u start to feel urself. hmm dont tell me u re dat scared to tell me, dont worry i wont bite.


Me: Nah, I don't want u go saying my name at night while u go hugging ur pillow wishing I was der......i wouldnt want d whole neighbourhood to know my name b4 I get to introduce myself

She:* cracked up big time*.....so wat should I do for u to tell me ur name


Me: why don't u call to find out buh 1st uve gat to impress me For me to pick d call n so far u havent impressed me ....beta start to show me wat u re good at. u can sing nice song for me or rather still dance, let me see if u even know how to use dose gift of urz or dey re just dormant..( brought out my phone n pretend as if i was looking at d time) ur time start now n u got just 10sec

She: u know i cant do dose things u asked of along d road ppl will get to stare at me n btw why don't u just tell me joor it s not a big deal (said it wit a sexy baby voice)

Me: oh dear u havent got to impressed me yet, i gave u d chance to impress me n u dint. oh! well, n besides Ive got alota admirer, u neva can tell if one of dem is keeping tabs on me ryt now, surely don't want any1 to go stalking me on social media (i smiled at er in an annoying way)

She: lol,for ur mind u be James . u ain't even happy I'm curious to know ur name ( she didn't bliv dat a guy can turn a sexy living creature like er down)

Me: ( already out of d school walls) u know wat dear, if u really curious to know my name y don't u call to find out.....* board a bike and took off*


To be continued


P.S: I brought out my life long experience wit em so dat most of u guyz can learn from my experience cuz it pains me to see my fellow niggas run after em ladies go doing every of der biddings just to impress dem to d extent not having a life of der own and get friendzone or rather still turned into a maga/mugu..... some guys really sucks at initiating a convo......it is a disease wen u suck n don't know u suck wit gurls well I just hope ya'll can obviously learn from my experience

Guy how do you guys do this story faking of a thing?

At the beginning you did mention how you gave out your bag for a friend to look after for you, to avoid stories that touch. Then going down at the middle of your story, you still narrated how she almost fall your same bag while laughing.

Una dey try o

brandon180:
Guys pls rate this chat..
She hasn't replied since yesterday..
However I feel I should have played d mystery card a little bit longer..
What do you think?
And another problem I have is I can come up with a perfect opener..and then after she replies usually in a positive manner..I usually don't know how to continue..
Like questions to ask et al.

Hey you displayed the lady's contact on the attachment. You may want to do something about that...

TheAfricaQueen:
I hope you men realise that 99% of women do not reach orgasm by penetration? Those screams and moans you hear while pounding away are because she is in pain or she wants you to finish up quickly because she is not enjoying it.

The tongue however is a fantastic tool to get a woman to orgasm in less than 10minutes, thank me later.

Uwa mmebi!

Truly end time.

I have always tongue to be the organ for taste.

Devil is now saying we should be using tongue for what's meant for the joystick.

It is finished.

egopersonified:
You just reminded me of when I threw dirty water at my landlady's goats while I was in school, not knowing that she was outside. She started complaining bitterly and I told her I was sorry. She said I shouldn't tell her sorry, that I should tell the goats sorry. I started telling goats, sorry, other students came out of their rooms and were telling goats, sorry. It was so funny.

So how did the story end?

I hope the goat accepted your apologies or it turned down?

Naijally-wood

What's it that fct residents are doing better than Lagosians

Their cases remain minimal compared to Usainbolt Lagos.

This is the best, life needs to go on


We mustn't allow covid-19 to hold the world to a stand still

So they have formed their own government in their country.


Hmmm, wetin Lagosians no go see for traffic

It can only be you people (going by the moniker).

I once read where a guy chose Usama bin laden as his role model.

I hope the man is no longer alive

The heart of a human can be cruel. If he so much cherish a male child over female, he ought to have married a man to birth for him. I do not even wish to imagine the trauma of this act to the wife.

I blame those with him when the incident happened, someone should have planked him to death.

ColdInHeart:
like your sense of humourlike your sense of humour

Thank you, though I copied it.

Hoping to know what's like in near future.


BTW, I'm not adding this year to my age because I didn't spend it

NextD18:
You might have done something good for the said niece, but you psychologically grew suspicious looks for yourself before your wife.

Imagine your friend buying G-string for your wife or your colleague buying bra for your 15 years old daughter. How will you feel? It is very wrong to do the right things the wrong way.

And if I may ask, how did you know her boobs and ass sizes before buying her underwears?

Guy your line is off. How many times does your colleague visit to know your 15yrs daughter needs a bra. Or how did your friend get to know wife want a g-string.


Op clearly said it that he took the said girl together with his children, for shopping. Probably, they all selected what they needed and the man just made the payment.

You almost sound like the said wife, if you are. Count yourself lucky to have a sisi as a husband. He is doing your job for you and you are busy picking up a fight.

Some women!

Dear yar'adua,


Your brother have set ablaze, everything you set up. Also, those old fat men on babariga in national assembly are now kings and lords of wire wire.


Help us by feeding them a covid-19 slap every 1 ½ hr of the day.

RIP

martineverest:
as in u were alive when Bob Marley died

Hearing that he is dead after falling in love with their lyrics pained me. I no lie o

Osadebe

Oliver de coque

Lucky dube

Tupac

Bob Marley

And others

Foolish idea

Only. GOD can help Nigeria now.

Countries with sensible government are not finding it any good in this Pandemic, imagine Nigeria with empty headed gorrilas in government.

You and I with our loved ones shall tell the story. We shall not mourn any of our family members

Beautiful

Just imagine government legalizing fire arms here in Nigeria, Lagos and Kanno population will drop to less than 100 persons each.


The rate of drug abuse in these two states is mind blowing.


Mind you, when I say drug, I mean those stuff they mix in a soft drink plastic. Not even normal puffs

meekhat:
A particular MOD keep deleting my threads in this forum. Nawa oh! Who did I offend? I am neither racist nor tribalistic!

MODs Westin I do na

Buhari said more than that

Laws are. Meant. For the poors

prinsam30:
the guy is OK, it's just that, the guy's little bit depressed right now, E-Money is not trying at all

Hmm. People just need to take things easy, and limit their expectations.

One day e go better, just a matter of time

chaarly:
whoever gets all the questions is likely to be the Liquid metal the Indaboski pahose of Nairaland
congrats in advance.

i only remember Airforce1. i kinda miss him tho

Where the guy dey sef. It has really been long o.

We stopped reading about e-money after he disappeared. Hope people close to him do check on him.


E-money fall the guy hand.

Excess garri won't allow man to think straight or even see well.


I appreciate your effort in trying to make our day with something different. but hey, the puzzle on how to live up to average is keeping me busy.


So I go just dey watch the great thinkers

Tobinrobin:
This man should be tested ASAP. He’s a mad one. I’m a Muslim & I can’t help but marvel at the level of ignorance & conspiracy theories of some Muslims.

That's because you are a southern Muslim.

Core northerners use being a Muslim to cover their Illiteracy.

Imagine someone saying he wouldn't use a hand senitizer because he heard it contains alcohol and that's haram.