₦airaland Forum

Lol seriously though who has intercourse for an hour though? I can understand the pre-intimacy, messing about etc but straight pumping for an hour? Lol, I don't believe it. If he is taking too long to finish, if you are done just tell him to shift small, roll over and go sleep.

onila: Nigerian men dont tolerate cheating


I just shared a story abt my family friend that kicked his wife for cheating
yet he also cheated in marriage

double standard much

You allow it(as in women), I mean every relationship is different but If you set boundaries from the start there won't be such issues. If you don't condone infidelity, don't expect me to condone yours and think i should manage because you are a "man". I lay it out in my relationship and I always make sure I repeat myself even as a joke. I make sure it is known that I won't be that woman crying through the night wondering where you are.. I have my own things to deal with, one thing a person won't hurt me with is cheating.

onila:

U dont know Nigerian men

cheat on them? see yr belongings outside the gate before you look back

I pity Nigeria women sha, dem too dey sleep, you have a millionaire yet you find your things outside gate? Mumuism

Why is your aunt crying na or running away? She most likely gets anything she wants and I am very certain she can get a new guy every weekend to warm the bed for the husband whilst he is away. Tell your aunt to stop being a baby and grow some balls. I mean if she was living in poverty with the guy and he still cheats then that's a problem because he will be using the little chop money meant for the house on his slum chicks. Seriously though, she needs to wake up and use her head, we are not living those times where we sit, cry over sharing a pen!s which cannot be seen over his bloated stomach when there are verile young men around waiting to be saved.

onila: naa, shes a faithful, loyal and loving wife

She is silly

freecocoa: You might actually have something to say but you started of on the wrong foot by saying that I was forming, lying and that I didn't love the said guy,that's an insult/attack on my person, yet you talk about ignorance cos I said you sound like a battered woman, really I'm the ignorant one?


Incase you didn't know, people are different and therefore bound to do things differently. I don't and will never see how 'love' will make one stay with a person that causes him/her constant pain, that's not love but madness, y'all should prolly look up the definition of love.

Low self esteem and other factors might hold one back but not love, you have to know how to love yourself before you love another person, now if you don't value yourself enough to get away from a dangerous person/situation, then you don't know what love is.

True that most times, people don't choose whom to fall in love with, but you can choose whom to stay in love with, it's all about the mindset and will to do whatever you set your mind to. You make it sound the people in abusive relationships don't have a choice because they are supposedly in love, that's just wrong and misleading.

At the end of the day, only the one being abused knows what's best for him/her and if you think it's okay to pet them and tell them to keep staying till the end up dead like the PH babe, then that's your kettle of fish, just don't tell me I'm lying or forming.

I believe I have made my point and no need to thrash it out any further. If you think my post is implying that women should stay in abusive relationships then you are on a long ting.

I love her. I know almost all her songs.

freecocoa: Just wow! You sound like you are being battered and believe me, I don't mean that in a bad way.

Now I'm not gonna argue with you about how anyone decides to define love but I'd be glad if you don't infer that I'm lying when I say I left a partner after he slapped me, what would I gain by lying about it? Like I even needed to share that on here.

Don't be ignorant about this issue, do research on it before saying someone is being battered because they disagree with your view. You left your partner after he slapped you then good for you but don't sit and imply that love cannot make a person stay in an abusive relationship. I did not asked you to share any of your business but I want people to speak the truth instead of making up scenarios in their heads which they won't hold on to in real life. If it was that easy for someone to walk away from an abusive relationship, we won't have high rates of people in such relationships. IF it was so easy to just walk away, this thread would have never surfaced in the first place.

Listen, if other people have self esteem issues, I know I don't so please, don't equate me with them, I certainly know my worth and will not settle for less. How many slaps should it have taken before one packs up and leave?

I never equated them to you. My comment regarding self esteem has to do with the question asked not you in particular. It takes a woman on average seven times to leave an abusive relationship before leaving for good and those 7times aren't seven slaps but periods of times where they endure the abuse, leave, comeback until they cannot bear it anymore. No one is asking you to settle for less, majority of the time, women go into relationships knowing their worths and still do even when they are being abused yet cannot just walk away.

It is my place to decide if I ever loved him or not, saying I stopped loving him doesn't mean I didn't think about staying, heck I cried myself to sleep on many occasions, It still hurts sometimes but I decided to move on because I've told myself more times than I can remember that I'll not stick with a man that hits me especially if I believe it'll happen again, common sense should have helped you decipher what that sentence means.

Yes, you just irked me, issues like this aren't jokes so please and please, refrain from putting down my comment(s), thanks

You the only one taking this as a joke because you arent looking at deepers issues. Let it irk you tbh I don't care but as I have written don't make it seem like loving someone cannot be a reason to stay. You asked "how can you stay in love with some who redesigns your face" as if you can just pick and choose when to fall in and out of love with someone. Should common sense also not have told you that majority of abuse starts in the latter part of your relationship when you already love the person? Fine you left a relationship after he slapped you, I applaud you for that but don't try and belittle those who have invested years in their relationship and find it very difficult to leave by comparing your situation to their's. Just because you walked away don't mean those in that situation can just easily walk away but just refuse to leave.

freecocoa: I marvel when I hear people say love is a reason why they stay in abusive relationships, like duh!

How can someone who loves you beat you blue black at the slightest chance? How can you stay in love with someone who constantly redesigns your face in a horrible and painful way? Hmm.

Maybe I'm the crazy one, but one slap is enough to kill all the love I have for you, yes I would know because been there.

Na lie joor! Stop forming, we all know what happens behind closed doors is not what we show to the world.

Love is a very powerful emotion and if you can stop loving someone the moment he or she slaps you then you never loved them. All these people saying I will walk away are talking nonsense. Do you think it is just saying I will leave that will make you walk away? You think it will be easy to just pack your things and walk away, Na lie joor. I don't condone domestic violence but I think we should stop talking as if leaving is an easy as 123.

Low self esteem can also cause a person to stay in an abusive relationship. In the mind of a battered and emotionally abused, there is no one else out there for them. Their life begins and ends with their partner and no one can love them except their partner, so if calling the battered mind names and beating them up is what will make the partner not leave her/him then they will stay endure and love them because that is just how the partner is.

keppyy: I'm slowly becoming a ddirty person. I Used to be very neat but after realising I live with a self centered family that don't care if the house is as dirty as a pig sty and stinks as a septic tank, I'm now dirty.

I'm even thinking of Co-habitingg before marraige because if I go through what I'm going now in my marraige, it won't be funny.

Make a rota or you can assign weekly chores to each individual. Let someone clean the kitchen whilst another washes bathroom etc. It's easier that way because it can become daunting if you always have to clean after everyone else especially if they are all grown adults.


@topic, I clean weekly but atm I do clean as you go because our house is full with carpets and they get dirty easily. I am the only one home now so eyes are on me to be making sure house is clean. The only problem I have is disorganisation and I have a problem with hoarding. I try my best to arrange things in order but I can never get them as neat as I want and it can become frustrating. I suffered from OCD when I was younger and it's very mild now but still trying to get rid of my hoarding habits.

butanep: you have said it bro... what does she want to learn that she couldn't learn for yrs... " A woman that is handicap in cooking is not only irresponsible but also a failure.
I pray this thread will enlighten some ladies that run away from the kitchen.

Since you are implying that a woman knowing how to cook is an achievement, tell me, what have you achieved in your life as a man in the duties that has been prescribed to you by society?

TribalEAST: Ladies be like....that one looks like mine

axhead: . You sound very judgemental and I don't think you have actually addressed the problem.plus you obviously have a lot to learn about marriage...just my opinion

I am glad you wrote this. Well done.

If it is true, he should stay and work his marriage out. No for better or for worse.

dandydaniels: "women are lesser beings" ... I made that controversial statement on a post I made earlier "real men don't beat their wives" and I've gotten a baptism of fire as well as few pats on d back

I have this to say about that statement...if it annoyed you, I'm sorry...but I'm not sorry for writing that.

some folks will say he's a typical African man...yea I'm a proud African but that wasn't what influenced me to write that....someone mentioned okonjo iweala and a whole bunch of great women out there....I respect them...honestly I do...infact I tend to respect more women than men...but does that change the fact that they're lesser beings?... someone suggested that I should have used "weaker vessels"...maybe u r right but let me explain why I used that line

every woman's desire is to fall in love with a capable man and get married...don't mind these feminists maintaining a false front...the greatest feminist of d 21st century,Beyonce,is married...LOL

nature or put more explicitly,God,made them to be controlled by men...you don't control things above you...u control things that are LESS than u....and that in fact means that man is a lesser being compared to God

so in essence....what I mean by "women are lesser beings" is that when compared to men,d odds are stacked high against them....nature made it so

so my sisters out there that are pouring vitriols on me, get over it and live with it

p

This is the most ediotic post I have seen all week and also the one on woman beating. However you want to sugarcoat your words and add little 'left handed' compliments you still come across as sexist.

@sixix, I don't have a regime anymore(well like I did before). After my hair started breaking I now mostly wash my hair with conditioner because I don't use any heavy products.
I would have my hair in plaits and whenever I want to wash I unravel a plait, use coconut, almond oil and hair mayonaise a few days before then braid it again. I try to get my hair moisturised very well before washing with conditioner. I have been experimenting recently and soaking my hair in water when having my bath actually keeps my hair moisturised and soft. I now just use almond oil as moisturiser and use organics carrot hair cream and organics herbal tea tree gro(lite conditioner) once or twice a month. I wash each plait individual in the shower, oil it in it's wet state and plait it back then do the same to the others. This now works for my hair because it has stopped falling out and has grown past my collarbone.

cococandy: According to the OP if the man misbehaves,the wife is to blame for not bearing his misbehaviour.

Xtupid much?
@OP

This is the mentality of many Nigeria men.

englishmart: I didn't spend much of those then.
Money too scarce.
But for these one below, I dey spend am like die.

Hahahahahahahaha

na only 3thousand naira dey for your pocket and you dey here dey brag. Even can't get a big point and kill fish with drinks for that amount.

zappyj: U wey no be asawo, make we check the size of ur toto

Isn't the third pic a zulu outfit?

hydeka: On the issue of molestation, it is not only men that are guilty. Women too are capable of that but men seem to have scored more points in that regard from what we see and hear around us.

The reason why you hear more about male molestation is because we do not want to accept that women are also very much capable of abusing kids as much as men. We deny it and it gets buried and you never hear it.

I believe it is ignorance for one to feel like a male kindergarten teacher will be perving on your child whilst a woman won't. These are probably the same people who preach gender equality yet fail to see the whole point behind it. Due to this ignorance we are putting limitations and probably creating stereotypes for the few who are working in that field.

EfemenaXY: , I'm not bothered about them having male teachers at higher levels (preferably secondary and above) . But at nursery level?

No.

What I would do? Seriously reconsider if that is the best place / school for my daughter to be at that point in time. This is where the onus is on prospective parents to carry out thorough background checks comes into play before handing over your precious little one to strangers. Would you believe me if I told you that I not only checked the OFSTED report going back for the past five years, for over twenty nursery schools, for my daughter? I also went there in person with her and her brothers & dad to get a proper "feel" of the place, staff, etc.

Think about it. Most nursery schools take kids from 3 months old. Would you in all honesty feel comfortable for a strange man to wipe/clean your baby's / daughter's bum? And change her soiled nappy?

Seriously.

But you are ok with a strange woman wiping your daughter's or son's bum?


I hope You know sex.ual perversion and pedophilia is not gender based.

Mattin: Hey Bannanabender, Every culture in the world has its own flaw at one time or the other, but my stand here is: feminism is an intergal part of western culture. Why should I abandon my own value system and start decorating other people's system?
You can bash your culture for all I care but my stand remains; A woman that is submissive is never a slave but respecting the law of nature.

To your last statement, You don't have to be rude or derogatory when voicing a counter opinion.
Thanks

Feminism as a movement or word may have been started in the west but the concept isn't. Many societies in Africa didn't know the word feminism but they had equal rights and made decisions for their clans and family. Women aren't seen as lower beings without rights and a voice in other cultures

tbaba1234: Sure, you can pick the few stories they are.

The vast majority cultures on this earth, had polygyny, whether in Africa, Asia or Europe. That is fact.

And who is denying polygyny, regardless of whether a vast majority of cultures had polygyny, I am also telling you a vast number practiced polyandry with many being abolished when matriarchal societies started turning patriarchal. Regardless, It is still being practised, even if the numbers are less now, point is, its being practised even in your home country and many cultures allow the practise of extra marital affairs of the wife without repercussions. Just the same way in many cultures Virgin!ty isn't as sacred as we West Africans seem to make it, Different strokes for different people. Just because we West Africans frown upon a woman with two husbands or a promiscuous woman doesn't mean it is also frown upon in other parts of African culture or outside cultures and I am not talking about western culture.

tbaba1234: According to the Ethnographic Atlas, of 1,231 societies noted, 186 were monogamous; 453 had occasional polygyny; 588 had more frequent polygyny; and 4 had polyandry.(via wikipedia) (1960-1980)

What percentage is that?

It has been so rarely practised because it is impractical.

Polygyny has always been far more widely practised.

This is again untrue. I believe you should do a bit more research further than Wikipedia.

Polyandry was not rarely practiced. It was practised, just that now it's not as practiced as much as before. Just two days ago I was watching a documentary on the marriage customs in China and it showed different tribes which practised polyandry and those which didn't tend to have extramarital affairs which was ok in the tribe. The man would come in the woman's marital home, sit and eat with the husband and when it's time the husband will leave the wife and lover to do what they need to do. Even if polyandry isn't practised as much now there are many places where women would marry one man but are allowed to sleep with others, maybe from different clans and such. I believe this started happening when matrilineal societies started turning patrilineal, what difference is there between polyandry and being allowed to bedded by other men apart from your husband? Is it the title of being called husband?

@coogar, there was nothing to that joor. As you saw it that's how it happened.

Sophyrocks: I totally agree with you. Naive people see it as educative. I am surprised a Pastor is endorsing it.

The Bolded are very true. why do we think we have a lot of rapists on rampage? why will people have the mind to have s*e*x with animals? where do such ideas come from? where do harmful s*e*xual practices come from? P*o*rn of course. The human brain is like a vacuum. You put in all sorts of ideas in your brain. You have to be careful of the type of information you put into it. It is detrimental to the marriage of anyone should he/she store ideas from p*o*rn into the brain. Most times, people are not good at filtering information into the brain. They will want to practicalise every single thing done in P*o*rn movies regardless of the consequences.

P*o*rn blinds people of the consequences of such acts. It doesnt remind people of the risk of stds and HIV. Do we know that those p*o*r*n stars give themselves stds inspite of the lab tests they do? I read a news story of a p*o*rn star sharing HIV to fellow actors and actresses unknown to their directors.

P*o*rn also portrays Humans as animals, women as sex objects and focuses on Lustful ideas and self grafitication.


Please please please, couples who value the sanctity of their marriage, who want their marriage to last, should stay away from P*o*rn or else they must be ready for the consequences that will follow. Do we Forget that P*o*rn is addictive? S*e*x addiction is a Psychiatric case. Once your partner becomes addicted to it and takes everything in P*o*rn to be what s*e*x should be, you are finished!!! You won't be the only one your partner would want to practicalise it with.

Speak for yourself. If you are that insecure about your body and the body of another woman intimidates you then it will be a problem for you not others. There are many couples who are ok with each others bodies and can't easily enjoy the scenes in the videos together without scrutinising the bodies of the people in the video.

Yes, but home made ones, not all this fake nonsense where every single woman is pushing out two litres of liquid after each orga.sm.

tbaba1234: Polyandry is impractical, that is why it is so rarely practiced historically. Who owns the child? So no, I will not be sharing my wife. This is however my personal preference..

This is not true. Polyandry has been practised efficiently in many cultures and it's still being practiced although not as widespread due to law changes, monogamy and such and such. Many times brothers will marry one wife, they all own the child. Within the maasai, even though a woman cannot marry another man, married women are allowed to sleep with other men as long as the man is the same age as the husband. All the man has to do is go to the woman's compound and Bury his spear so you can never know who owns the child. This applies to the husband too, The husband will acknowledge any child by the woman as his unless there is evidence a child isn't his even that, he still takes care of the child as own. There are so many similar practices around the world just not shown as much.

coogar: kandii, you are alive?
i thought you deactivated - wassup? you have become less troublesome these days - it seems maturity has taken over finally.

Lol, for where I am still around, just tend to observe now rather than post. Maturity has always been there but the likes of you just tend to bringout the little one in me. After nairaland went offline something changed sha.

freecocoa: Then she must be tired of the man and wants someone to help ease the ache or load as the case may be.

On a more serious note though, there has to be a reason, I don't believe a woman who's in love with her man, will be willing to share him, I just can't wrap my head around it.

Just why does it have to be the men taking the wives and expecting the women to be cool with it as it is no big deal? Now tbaba, honestly tell us, how you would feel if you ever have to share your woman with another man? Will you even accept such?

I agree. My grandma got my granddad a second wife last year or two years ago and she had a good reason.

francleanflexy: by saying 'our culture', what exactly do u mean ?

African culture

Hm

darisgod: #sekem in







#shoki






#okbye

is he eating the butt?