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Literature › Re: My Book Of Rants! by kay9(m): 11:33am On Sep 07, 2010

hey, what's with the name-calling? angry

Abeg, abeg, y'all should cut out this "puccy-face" ish. . . . didn't yo mamas tell u not to make fun of a homie's name? Oya, APOLOGIZE!!! angry

Literature › Re: Debut Novel, A Heart To Mend, Wins Awards For Author Myne Whitman by kay9(m): 4:43pm On Aug 25, 2010

Ride on, MyneW, ride on!

Literature › Re: My Book Of Rants! by kay9(m): 10:14am On Aug 06, 2010

hi guys,

Take a look at this: https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-491422.160.html#top angry

Things like this really make me mad.

Where are blu, EDJ and tubabie? You three should c'mere and tell me what you'd if your hubby treated you like that. angry

Romance › Re: Leave Me, I Am Not In The Mood ! by kay9(m): 10:02am On Aug 06, 2010

I'm guessing by now, OP would've decided what advice he's gonna take, so i'm going to save my 2cents worth. But i personally have a bone to pick with all these responses about how a woman might be in a "phase", how she needs petting, how she needs to be talked to, and all that. Pray, has any of you considered the man's feelings? Doesn't he ever get into a "funk"? How of many you ladies here will understand if after four nights in a row, your man is still telling "he doesn't feel like it"? And while we're at it, whatever happened to the gender-equality status quo? How come the man always has to pet the woman, but rarely the other way round? A man starts demanding attention and he's dubbed "an over-grown baby"; a woman does the same thing and she just "needs romance".

Look, lets cut the crap, ok; a man is being denied intimacy by his wife (married WIFE, for chrissakes!) for over six freaking months, and almost half of the replies here are STILL suggesting talk; talk what huh

To the ladies, if you are married and your husband denied you sex for just 3 weeks because he's in a "phase", please be honest, how would you feel? And then people come along suggesting you should bear with him, give him time, cook that dish he loves, pet him up a little . . . . . i dunno, i mean how much sense does that make?

I'm not entirely in agreement with MOBO, but let's try and see this issue from the man's view point. Or has the satisfaction of the woman now become the sole reason for marrying?

Jeez!

Literature › Re: My Book Of Rants! by kay9(m): 5:18pm On Jul 26, 2010

ariblaze:
where is everyone?

Licking our chops for Round 2. . . . A certain dude with a lot sushi in his name gave me an upper-cut i'm still smarting from/

Sino, what are u thanking me for? Unwarranted gratitude makes me jittery.

Blaze, i've been invited to your slicing and dicing party; whatcha say?

_{(What? Yes, i'm fully aware of my own slicing and dicing appointment)}

Literature › Re: My Book Of Rants! by kay9(m): 5:42pm On Jul 20, 2010

I dont see anything. Wonder if Seun has anything to do with it . . .

vescucci:
I still see it, the darn pain to the eyes. In its many lingos

V, hold yuh darn horses for a sec and tell us what the blasted ballad says. angry

Literature › Re: Short, Witty Quotes! by kay9(m): 10:40am On Jul 20, 2010

"I've come to realize that no matter how much i care, some people are just ars-holes" - Unknown

Family › Re: Black (nigerian) Parents Give Birth To White Baby by kay9(m): 10:34am On Jul 20, 2010

donspony:
Might be some sort of genetic mutation

or probably got some unknown white ancestry on one side of either family.

Puh-leeez!! angry

Politics › Re: Blow By Blow Account Of How Elections Are Rigged In Nigeria By Donald Duke by kay9(m): 10:24am On Jul 20, 2010

@poster: Checked guardiannewsngr.com; couldn't find any such news there. Care to tell us your source? This is some serious ish here; i wanna double-check before i quote it to anybody.

Family › Re: Black (nigerian) Parents Give Birth To White Baby by kay9(m): 10:10am On Jul 20, 2010

Ok, i don't mean to poke fun at anybody, least of all the parents. I want that understood.

But c'mon people, we are adults here - right-thinking adults with our heads screwed on right and all the screws in the right places, right? If so, then someone should please tell them geneticists and scientists and whatever else they are, to pack that load of crap they're spewing and shove it somewhere the sun don't shine.

The explanation is much, MUCH simpler:[i] Someone's been playing around. [/i]Q.E.D.

White-skined, i can take. Blue-eyed, i can take. But BLONDE huh

Jeez, I'm may be dumb, but i ain't that dumb. angry

Politics › Re: Blow By Blow Account Of How Elections Are Rigged In Nigeria By Donald Duke by kay9(m): 9:56am On Jul 20, 2010

I'm gonna go back and digest what Mr. Duke has said; that part about voters' registration taking at least four months was a shocker. And i don't even have a voter's card. Hmm.

Literature › Re: My Book Of Rants! by kay9(m): 11:10am On Jul 19, 2010

vescucci:
Sorry soulless wraiths want to get the worst outta me. silly mosquitoes think I'm Jesus and they need my blood for salvation. I'm not a little pissed. I'm a fire breathing dragon but y'all are small fish to fry, unworthy of my breath. I'm too old for all this shitty play acting.

Ariblaze, the next composition about committing suicide better be from heaven, sorry, hell. Grow some cojones and tell Sisi you don't sleep without fantasizing about a white picket fence surburbian life with her. It reminds me of Stephen King's Misery. Good luck

Kay, you're now officially Blaze's screwbuddy. Enough said. I don't have the heart to yab you, only console you. Wear diapers. But just for dessert, slap the first mopol you meet and come back to tell me how tough you are.

Bluespice, you want to marry a super gay (recessive jealous of Sino type) whose bisexual, heart broken and suicidal partner fantasizes about Sisikill (your heartthrob's secretary) and creams himself. And the olive in the martini, he doesn't even want you. You have a major cretin/vermin fetish

All others, Jesus loves you. Use a condom if you must play. Don't drink and drive. Go to school and actually graduate. Don't look V in the eye.

At last! AT LONG LAST -- V shows some balls, by thunder!!!! And about time, too. I was seriously beginning to doubt my man's ranting CV. grin

Bravo, V, bravo, i'm proud of u, man.

But wait o, "i should wear diapers"? Aah-aah, V, c'mon! That's way below even the freaking gay belt! angry

And what was that last line of yours? Don't look V in the eye; wassat? You cross-eyed or sumthing? Or is it some new, cool, Super-V wise-crack? Please explain.

blaze, forget it; i ain't tagging sh!!t. You calling for Blu? You'll have better luck screaming for Santa; u should've fc.uk!ng better known better than start a War-Of-Words in a rant thread.

Literature › Re: My Book Of Rants! by kay9(m): 12:29pm On Jul 16, 2010

tubabie:
Put the Ariblaze with his feet in the block,

Rub his feet with salt

Let Goat lick,

Goat starts to nibble,

Put more salt on the feet,

Goat nibbles skin off,

put more salt on feet,

And so on,

Literature › Re: My Book Of Rants! by kay9(m): 11:54am On Jul 16, 2010

Blaze, blaze, blaze; angry

didn't your mum ever tell u never to fight the entire class? What do u think is gonna happen if i mobilize the entire rant crew and lead them on jihad against your sorry ars? Now see what you gone and done, calling me - ME!!! - a wimp. huh

You really chewed it far out this time, hotshot.

Know what blaze, i think you are full sh!!t. You are so full of sh!!t, my toilet seat is considering suing for corporate espionage. And you know what else? I think you are the gay dude around here; how else do you explain leaving sino out of your verbal assault? Bet u have wet dreams filled with chasing poor sino round and round the mango tree grin

On the other hand tho, i kinda agree with your summary of blu and V.
Thing is, dude always struck me as being a little off the wavelength - u know, like them chubby-knuckled, syrupy, "i-will-report-u-to-my-mummy" bunch. Dyamn it, V, u sucketh. grin

P.S: I almost forgot; Blu-honey, i hereby officially, categorically and angrily refuse to marry you!! There i said it. Why, u ask? Because . . . . well, because u are fine and cute and tall _{(no, wait, u aint tall )} and smart and crazy in the bedroom and have shiny teeth and so so take-me-away-ish. . .
U see, blu, those same qualities describe Alena, the vampire.

_{Ok, honest truth: i dun wanna wake up on my marriage bed with my balls missing and a Japanese katana poking outta my ars.}

Jokes Etc › Re: Blonde's Diary On A Cruise Ship by kay9(m): 3:48pm On Jul 15, 2010

Akuviv:
He told me, if I did not let him Have his way with me, he would sink the ship.

***Dutifully copies above line into pocket notebook for future use*** grin

Jokes Etc › Police Dey Read Bible by kay9(op): 3:26pm On Jul 15, 2010

On Lagos-Ibadan express road, a Pastor met a team of policemen who, quite
naturally, wanted 'something' from him. Since he was not prepared to
play their games, they asked for his papers and having combed through everything
without any offence with which to nail the 'stubborn' pastor, they now
asked him to open the bonnet of his car.

A careful scrutiny of the engine number against what was on paper revealed that
letter 'U' was written in such a way that it could be mistaken for letter 'V'. That
was all the officer-in-charge needed to shout "stolen vehicle!"

Sensing trouble, even when he knew he committed no offence, the pastor called the OiC to say he was a priest to which the officer replied :"Please, leave that
pastor thing, in any case, if you are indeed a pastor, then you must have a
Bible in your car, bring it."

The Pastor did as was commanded after which the officer now ordered:
"Please read Matthew 5:25-26 to me".
The incredulous Pastor opened to the recommended passage and read:
"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to a judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth; you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."

The man of God quietly made an "offering" of "just" N100 to his newly found "preacher".

"End of service go in peace and argue no more", said the OiC.

Politics › Re: Should Kidnappers Be Killed by kay9(m): 12:52pm On Jul 13, 2010

philip0906:
no!!!

Ak4ril:
Why? although, I think they shouldn't be killed, because, the thieves in power that are stealing our money and disgracing Nigeria as a whole are not sentenced to death

I think people are still going around this "marginalized and pushed-to-the-wall" image of a kidnapper; i tell you, it ain't true anymore.

Gone are the days when these criminals kidnapped for righteous cause, now all they want is money. Go down to Aba in Abia State if you dare; if you can drive from Osisioma bus-stop to Asa-nnetu market along the Expressway without getting kidnapped, then your stars must be really shining. They don't even care or discriminate who they kidnap now - politicans, lawyers, enigineers, oil-workers, traders, market-women, students, pastors - it don't matter no more. And if you are so unlucky to get nabbed and not have some sizeable amount of money somewhere, then its RIP for you.

If y'all think i'm exaggerating, just call anyone you know living in or close to Aba and ask him/her yourself. People living in P.H (like myself) now give that town a very wide berth. Better safe than sorry.

I think the death-penalty should be enforced on the crime. I can't think any other way of discouraging these hardened criminals.

Literature › Re: Amos Tutuola, The Extra Ordinary Novelist Of Yoruba Phantasmagoria by kay9(m): 9:25am On Jul 13, 2010

[quote author=n-guage link=topic=75002.msg6369553#msg6369553 date=1278908775]When he was published in the late 40s, Nigerian students in the UK did not like his work. The fact that he was the first Nigerian author to get international recognition subsequently established him as the face of Nigerian literature back then. This did not sit well with these Nigerian students especially because of the broken English his books were written in.[/quote]I read the The Witch-Herbalist of the Remote Town some donkey years ago, and the Palm-Wine Drinkard a little after that. As little as i was then i still couldn't help thinking, da.mn i can string better tenses than this! grin

But what got me hooked on the half-cooked stories was the imagery described - so fantastic you couldn't help wondering where he got his ideas from. And my God, were they funny - some really, really bizarre monsters! grin

All in all, it wasn't a bad read - the tenses not withstanding, you gotta admit the stories had originality - a very rare quality in today's literature.

If you love REAL folklore (and you don't mind bad english!), go for Pa Amos's works.

Literature › Re: My Book Of Rants! by kay9(m): 9:39am On Jul 12, 2010

bluespice:

kay, pls don't push it, will you marry me yes or no? i dont have time to waste

In all my years. . . .

Literature › Re: My Book Of Rants! by kay9(m): 11:07am On Jul 09, 2010

vescucci:
By the power vested in me by me, I hereby pronounce you man and woman, with or without the consent of said man. Make a million kay-bluespice hybrids.

Olodo

bluespice:
lol my three fav doods having major aneurysms on my account
other than multiple penetration, i couldnt see anything capable of causing me more pleasure

Mmh, na so we go take marry? Multiple ke? Na only one koboko i get o - and i sure don't do toys! If you're thinking of inviting those cheeky, yellow-bellied teenage boys downstairs over, better alert them to my 9mm guage shotgun first.

Where's my tv remote?? angry

Music/Radio › Re: Hit Songs With Bad Music Videos by kay9(m): 8:43am On Jul 09, 2010

@topic:

Y'all haven't even mentioned the papa of all wack videos: Tuface's Ole

https://i1.ytimg.com/vi/Xjv8cmByEu8/default.jpg

My tv screen spontaneously develops a crack whenever that video shows. And to think that the song itself was such a hit - even won Channel O's best african pop video 2006! Mscheeeeeeww!!

Jokes Etc › Re: Who foolish Pass Who by kay9(m): 12:34pm On Jul 07, 2010

[quote author=Efemena_xy link=topic=474769.msg6343887#msg6343887 date=1278501772]@nland guys: So none of una fit donate your eyes for the sake of luuuuuuuuurve huh

una wicked o! tongue

[/quote]

Say again?

Literature › Re: My Book Of Rants! by kay9(m): 8:24am On Jul 07, 2010

bluespice:
[font=Monotype Corsiva ]bwuaahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahah!
in the full view of the rant public, i'm going down on two knees and asking
"kay will you marry me?"

btw you prefer this font?[/font]

Aww mehhhhnn . . . . cry

hey blu, back-up a little; you know i'm not gonna share the tv remote right? grin

About the font, umm, i think i actually have kaitaracts now.

Jokes Etc › Re: Jabulani by kay9(m): 4:49pm On Jul 06, 2010

jokingmary:
I also thought that jubulani was a footballer until this morning when i went to msn home page

dude u just lost street credibilty.

Literature › Re: My Book Of Rants! by kay9(m): 5:55pm On Jul 05, 2010

hi y'all! blaze, blu, V, sino, EJ - glad to see we're all back in ranting style. Dozita, you ain't seen nothing yet, we're just warming up.

Blu babe, me missed u too, but them fonts are really giving me kaitaracts - um, sorry, cataracts.

blaze, can i participate in the torturing too? I 've got ways to several split infinities of pain, mmh, whadja say?

Ok, now what i actually came here to say. What's it with all these one-liner rants? Here, take a look:

vescucci:
How I wish you weren't bluffing. All these suicide manuals are rip-offs

bluespice:
i love the way it is acceptable (and deeply encouraged in fact) to kill people for not paying attention to their own business

I mean, since when was ONE SENTENCE enough to douce our deranged, psychotic rage?
Admittedly, them liners have a certain zing to 'em - you know, the way you'd eye-ball that crazy, moronic, slug-headed, chicken-brained taxi-driver who's just splashed refined mud-water (the high-viscosity type) on your Christmas best - eyeball him oh so bad and oh so wicked that your eye practically emits laser beams - and then you spit it out: "F!!CK!NG F!!CKTARD!!!!"

haha - yup, it's sure got zing to it! grin

But still peeps, we can do better than that. Like take a deep deep breath and blast out words to totally drown that morrafocking dei-forsaken kaitaing dim-witted poo-box-toilet-seat-wipe of a bounzle. There, something like that.

Literature › Re: My Book Of Rants! by kay9(m): 3:39pm On Jun 26, 2010

Signing in,

Nothing but nothing should come in between a guy and his football game - least of all, Beyonce! angry

Heck, not even d entire legion of angels in heaven can force me to change the channel in the middle of a WC game. If they wanna watch Beyonce (or Elton John or Lil Wizzy or whoeva is making teenagers go gaga thez days), they'll just hav ta wait till half-time - and only after i'm done watching the replays! angry

Romance › Re: Shy Boyfriend by kay9(m): 3:38pm On Jun 05, 2010

Babe, bone the guy - unless you are a more interested in his fyne-face and 'kudi'. All that green-light and he's still dulling. . . . . msheeeew.

Literature › Re: My Book Of Rants! by kay9(m): 5:07pm On May 15, 2010

@Blaze: no i'm not. I took an extended vacation to Hawaii; MTN Nigeria doesn't have that wide a coverage and i'm too patriotic to acquire non-Naija internet conn. Oya, wats your excuse?

@EjaD: Chill, we'll soon chase them crazy bumpets out of town!

@m3xy: Neva had bad luck? Aah, welcome to my world then. A word of advice: no one cares if u r miserable, so u'd better b happy. wink

@aruzu: sh!!t happens, mehn! cheesy

Romance › Re: If A Girl Say no, What Is d Next Tin by kay9(m): 10:49pm On May 08, 2010

Orikinla:
Go back to your work and pray for better luck next time.

Never knew you had this much a sense of humour, Oriks grin

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