₦airaland Forum

Having read both sides of this issue, i think a lot of people are so fixated on property drama much more than the major issue going on in the house that resulted into this which is VERBAL ABUSE, abuse of any kind is the beginning of end of a marriage, words spoken cannot be taken back, continuous words spoken breeds hatred, resentment , anger and then anger explodes leading to this.

Husband is being abused in his marriage due to insecurity and suspected cheating, abuse becomes continuous and venomous including abuse to family, background , parents and all, then husband acts immaturely and major secret is in opened. now husband foolishly thinks probably all this abuse is because this lady has had it all figured out for herself and planned herself to be control no wonder she insults and abuses anyhow so the solution is either the property is his name or he gets accommodation outside for himself and his kids, if she like she joins them in HIS own accommodation or she carries her house for head. after all she wont have to abuse him every now and then in HIS own house.

Wife like most women with her comfortable background and also knowing most of the goodwill husband has enjoyed in the marriage was courtesy herself cant handle insecurity issues and results to abuse, and insults and degrades husband and his family even infront of her husbands cousin, and when when husband made the biggest and most foolish mistake of threatening her, goes on to make mockery of the man by letting him know the house he taught the family owned belongs to her. now trust is broken both ways husband is thinking if we both sat down and made a decision and agreed as one, but now u see it has i spent my money on my family while you built then what more should i expect to see you do or twist, wife is thinking thank God the property is in my name if not so you could actually dare to send myself and our kids out if you built it alone?.

This is what abuse in marriage activates, a never ending and continuous issue that could turn to a huge bomb, we tend to speak on verbal and physical abuse on this section, but sometime we don't get to see reality of what it can grow into like in this case, also ego from either or both spouses in marriage often lead to situations like this. let us get something straight the man has not even viewed the documents and probably thought his wife would do right in it as they are one and took decisions together and even he contributed his little portion to the house, and if this man had discovered the document in the future, it would just have been a case of discussion between both of them and they would settle to a decision without any ego in play.

I just thought i make people not focus too much only on the property itself but see how ego, abuse , insult and total lack of respect for each other can open lead to dire consequences in marriage.

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Hello all,

urgent need for an experienced driver for a 2005 tokunbo corrolla

should preferable live in or around ikosi, ketu, alapere, ojota, ojudu berger but others can reach me

the expected delivery amount is #35k per week

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This is my first comment on this thread, before y'all start the usual excuses, fault finding and easy target to abuse, local coaches and foreign coaches have taken us to the world cup, and they are always abused of being crapband inefficient as soon.as we crash out. Any serious fan of sport and football in nigeria should realize that it is time to declare a state of emergency on our football and sports in general, the fact that we have been depreciating from the 90s till now should show us something is wrong. Nigeria is now having to rely and beg players born with nigerian origin abroad to come play for us.

We use to drop good players before major tounaments but not now. Sport is big business creating unemployment for millions in the west. Frim school you are drafted into football, basketball, cricket, rugby, hockey and all and creating jobs for players, managers, administrators, groundsmen, agents, physios and all. Until we demand same here and make any government realize they can create massive employment from sport and make huge money on tax, our sports wil contrinue to depreciate further.

i am suprised not one person has had anything to say about housemates deciding who should win the show, imagine if it was ceeec saying if some other housemates wins the money apart from her clique, she wont be happy and not only that she would show it (meaning the public would see her exhibit she is not happy and she said it repeatedly) this is one of the best housemates ooh, one of the well mannered housemates, the not so bitter and pained housemate. When teddyA was shocked people voted nina and ceec more than bambam he was dragged and insulted here. now one of their favourites is deciding who should and who should not and already expressing her anger and bitterness should a member of her clique not win no reaction. if ceec has said something close to this we would have found 3 pages full. What am i preaching invariably is promote your favourite, solicit for votes for them, don't drag others down cos as far as we might not know they could be triple worse than your favourite.

People can choose to watch a show, pick their favourite and analyse who they hate amongst housemates, that is not bad, but giving vague, baseless and useless reasons to justify their arguement shows hypocrisy and double standards. at the end of the day hyprocrisy and double standards are what makes us, its part of us, its what makes this country and the result we find ourselves where we are. the thinking of "oh i know i am bad, but that guy overthere is twice as bad as i am, so i am better". anyone who has watched this show, who can analyse bahaviours will accept that every one of the housemates has shown terrible behaviour and none is worse than the other ceec is this, ceec is that, she is bitter,habours hatred, bad upbringing , terrible job done by parents etc are others any better alex was dumbo when leo was around crying everynow and then, she is the only real person in the house all the others are acting for camera, she cried for two days for leo now madam is all lively and bubbly and she is real right ??, she complained about rico lamenting about teddy's exist and how irritating it was but this is coming from the mouth of someone that cried two days cos someone was evicted and that wasn't irritating, housemates are dirty, they're this, they are that, someone that has nothing good to say about housemates not to forget she had an abortion at 17 but her parents did good bring her up right?

Tobi was a man who a girl told about her type of person from the begining, her seclusivity, how she is not a people person, keeps to herself, her selfworth mattered to her and when issues came up it became a community matter, this girl has said several times tobi invited alex and co in to her matter by gossiping her every minute, she didnt come to the house to make friends with all housemate, she is allowed to choose whoever she wants to be friend with, and those she doesnt want in her matter, for tobi to know all this and get the whole village in her issues up to even strategizing to nominate her makes tobi a very good person right? if you had such a person as friend after knowing your type of person and he/she does wat tobi did you would applaud him right, wat about bullying of bambam, mocking of teddy A cos of rico's song, a strategy guy always pointing fingers at other housmates strategy, wat about dissing lolu and all wat about his sexcapades he revealed during the presentation at a very early age that led to gonorrhea, i guess his parents raised him well for him to find himself in that situation.

nina has a boyfriend outside the house, mentions him everynow and then, shags another in the house calls the housemate her everything, doesnt want to loose both ways, all this on national tv yet her upbringing was fantastic, miracle like they claimed knows nina from outside allegedly met the boyfriend, 2 days into the show they are kissing and groping all this are fantastic attributes and this is guy you can have as a close friend right?

Anto, khloe, and other evicted housmates all have their issues, bambam was a church girl singing hymns at the start of the show yet ends up doing more singing in the toilet wat about that,teddy A has a babymama outside, a girl outside but didnt care about the love triangle and got into another one in the house. i could say only few guys notable mention leo, dee-one actually showed discipline and potrayed themselves well under huge pressure. To single out someone who knows she has fault and thus keeps to herself as that is the best way she can mange herself while ignoring other housemates shows how you all find it easy to label and bully people in your day to day life while you look the other way at your own flaws.

Ceec is who she is , the realest person in that house, yeah she doesnt have the best attitude, but guess wat she doesnt hide it, she doesnt need your acceptance , she doesnt need validation, yeah she has pride but guess what that is why she needs only people that will understand her to be her friends, she doesnt need the whole world to be her friend, there are people like ceec all around us out there, they have huge pride and selfworth, yes its not the most ideal character but guess what they exist, but they have only few friends, people who know them and accept them, and after they see acceptance they build a wall of confidence around such people. I have few has friends, i relate with them differently as i do other friends, and guess what they are the best of people cos they dont say what they wouldnt say behind you to your face, they give you as e dey hot and you dont toy with them. so maybe you all should leave her alone as it looks like you guys get a feel good factor by bullying her , or is it orgasm you get by analyzing her every minute, her looks, her movement, her lashes, very soon y'all will analyze her fart

Good evening OP, as much I would like to discuss further with you and also get the business plan, location and getting space is a major concern , I've literally spent the last 2 weeks looking for a space or site to build one but no luck yet. Would like to know if you're based in lagos and could advise or assist me with that so we can discuss further on the business plan. Thanks

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debrief, thanks for taking time to see my reaction from my side, i usually read this section a lot , and to be fair between yourself and chaircover i dont think there is anybody else i am eager to read their imput, i respect your views a lot and even always use them in areas i seek wisdom, if you read all i have written , the point i am trying to make and which i endeavor people like chaircover, yourself and other matured ladies in the house do is to also discuss life scenarios about men you know, men you heard and men that have narated their abuse issues as well, so the sympathy will not be on the ladies alone, one thing i have always learnt from childhood and i use to preach till date is to make men/women reduce their "ENTITLEMENT MENTALITY", the thought that cos i am male, cos i am female there things i can do and get away with, there are some things i can give, but i dare anyone to do back to me. like i said i am glad you beat this and found happiness now, wish you all the best.

"I can see your problem is with the word victim and you clearly think there are justifiable reasons for one partner to repeatedly beat up the other. Okay let me put it another way and see if you can grasp the meat of what I'm saying now; whoever is being beaten up and escapes has done the right thing."


I think you have put it better, do i support what you put up there, 100% , and i would advice the same, let me give you a scenario, growing we shared a flat with nice , gentleman, very well mannered, he married and the lady was the aggressive type and he just had to develop extra patience with her, one day the had a quarrell from the wife telling him he's a wimp to the elder sister, he's running over the country managing her business and has no time for her, but he was doing this before they got married, infact the house was owned by the sister and he had a 3 bed flat free, he has always reduced gis travelling, like he used to do every weekend before as the sister was a major distributor with wamco, he reduced to twice a month, and later once a month but increased his schedule within lagos, this very day, the lady waited for him to get into the bahrooom, took all his keys, his purse, when he came out, the issue escalated he shouted and was asking for his stuffs, the lady in anger dipped all his fresh clothes he was going to wear into water, he decided to go to the next room, she came there, said unimaginable things at him, "useless man, am i a property, do you have a life outside your sister, threw pillow and other stuffs at him, he got up wanted to leave the room, she blocked him, he pushed her to the side and as he headed for the door, she took the big padlock for their main door, threw it at him, he was lucky to bend down and that padlock smashed the socket on the wall into four pieces, i was about 11 then but till date i remember like yesterday cos i was so close to the socket and i picked the pieces, my mum intervened, the bros (bless him as he is late now),left the house , drove out but he was in tears.

why did i have to write this, if this had gone physical and she was abused, i bet she wont tell her story like we all witnessed , and what the society would say is how beastly the man is.

"Let me put it simply. Nobody cares about what things these ladies possibly did wrong. Once a marriage has devolved to the point of repeated beatings and abuse for whatever reason, it tells me those two people should not continue to be together, simple. We will celebrate the victim who was strong enough to escape be it the man or the woman. QED"


there lies the diffrence between myself and yourself, there is no victim or better put you dont know who the victim is and who the accused is, fairplay and respect to deberief, and others who have come to tell their stories here, but not everyone who comes here to share their story is the victim, it is not my duty and everyone who reads on here to decide who's the victim and the accused, between a couple who had a failed marriage i am sure none would come out to tell the world he/she was the problem except in extreme cases, this doesnt mean i have cast doubt on debrief's story, she could very right be the victiom.

@ Debrief your story was unbelievable, telling it evem more, i admire your strength and am happy you found your self a great man now, looking at the greater picture and putting objectivity into this whole abuse issue, this section is called the family section for a reason, i believe it is about discussing all that is going on in thye family, the man, the woman, the children, extended family, etc, the amount of posts and long thread that come here discussing issues relating to sympathy to the woman is not telling the reality in most nigerian marriages, of course i've got two sisters and wouldnt pray physical abuse on them, but the when during discussing problems in the family , we are all sumpathetic to the women folks, then we are missing the bigger picture, judging from the many realities i've seen in niigerian marriages, i would speak from my tribe (Yoruba), a fact is MOST WOMEN ARE NOT SAINTS IN MARRIAGE, the sad reality is both man and woman are contributing to a failed marriage, they are both contributing to abuse in marriage, the many people that are posting here do have one close or far friend either man/woman abusing their spouse in their marriage, it could be emotional abuse, physical abuse, as a result of finances, cheating, etc, everyone is guilty.

pampering the most affected in a marital failure isnt the solution, being sympathetic to them is not the solution, i thank God for my family, but the same way debrief narated her story, i can narate 10 different stories of men that have died of abuse, that are currently suffering abuse, that have been pushed to retaliate physically, these people are past neighbours, friends, colleagues that dont have a lovely story to tell about their marriage, such threads do not generate up to 5-6 pages on here, if you heard a man developed some illness as a result of situation in his marriage and eventually passed on, truth is he would even be abused on here, so is the society continuing to be sympathetic to the situation only women face in their marriage the solution to these problems, between debrief, aunty jenny, chaircover, etc i wont believe you've all have lived this world long and not seen all forms of abuses on men in their marriages as well, it would balance this discussion even more when we are discussing your own situation if you tell such stories, that i believe would give us direction, no one i repeat should get away with any form of abuse, no form of abuse should be treated any differently, no one should be pacified and regarded as a lesser sex even when she is abusive, no man i repeat should be called a wimp in an abuse situation, and if called such the same should be said about the other sex,

i actually woke up this morning after several tales of ladies/guys cheating in marriage in lagos and was going to start a thread on it not blaming ladies alone and not accusing them as i dont know what went wrong in such marriages but was going to ask how two people who claim they are married are both cheating on each other, they both know this and yet still remain in such marriage, the thought of a married partner cheating with another married partner, the idea of continuing a marriage where you know somebody if having a field day with your partner, the thought that some spouses dont desrve this and have actually been faithful but issues like sleeping with exs contiuing to destroy marriages, Guitarlife has brought a wise dimension to this discussion, that the sympathy to the affceted in a marital faiilure will not solve anything, this whole women sympathy has brought the west to where it is today, i dont want that, it is time have a balanced discussion, yes i believe people can change , people can turn to monsters and this applies to both man and woman, i believe the day we have a thread discussing these issues here and i see interests on the thread is the day we ready to priovide solutions to the abuses generally in the home.

i'm so delighted having read the last few responses, there is hope after all, even in nigeria, the first few responses got me seething and wondering are people just this selfish and self centred and yet want to be in marriage, do they understand marriage itself is about companionship, carry each other, why is it convinient for people to just want to use their fellow people, how does a woman feel when a man takes two shifts, and other businesses in order to meet ends in the house while the woman a grown up graduate works and says "you 've got no right to ask me to contribute, it is not compulsory", and you wonder the kind of stress that kills such men when they are into their 50s-60s. my views about this topic is summarized below

To the poster that described the current generation of men as lazy, i think the opposite is the case here, all my life having grown up within women who are semi-literate, that read only to college/secondary school, having watched them from shop owners at balogun, and other markets, distributors for manufacturing companies like nasco, uac, wamco etc having watched how these women have built their homes along with their husbands, how at some point they had to fend for themselves and the family, how some even set-up business for their husbands, how many men took loans from such wives to build themselves today and didnt even repay all the loans, how my mum would leave home 5.30am in the morning to get to her shop at yaba, how sometimes my dad can help drop her to a closer bus-stop and sometimes he's even sleeping till 6.30am cos of tiredness of the previous day work, while her wife is already at yaba by 6.30 till they got a bus through their joint contribution, how all through all this she's calling our house help to make sure food is ready for us before she gets home, how she then spends time with us till she goes to bed to wake up for the same routine for almost 2-3 yrs before she got her bus, yet she never saw her husband as lazy not even one arguement about laziness nad finaces, how she contributed loads to what business her husband has achieved today, even millions of unpaid loans yet she takes the little reward he gives her and appreciates it and he does reward her, how she paid for UK masters degree for two children while my dad only paid the third one when he became bouyant, i once told him, with the way you struggled with your finances before you could stand , if you married in this generation you would be dead already not because the ladies now are lazy but their entitlement mentality had eroded them of any natural thinking sense.

i recently had a discussion with a friend of mine whose wife told him she wants their son to go corona, this is a 2 yr boy just starting school and the following month she moved close to him again and asked they are due a second child with the first already 2ys not facturing in that her husband take home is 170k monthly and with corona plans and second child she said she felt he was relaxed and need to either seek better package or start looking for another job somewhere else, if semi-literates women of the 80s and 90s believed in building homes very well and assisting financially, what has happened to the well studied and well achieving women of this generation

i once had a friend who told me her dad never asked for once what the moms salary was and she worked part-time, he was wealthy and provided for the home, but guess what what she didnt tell me then which i obviously knew was the man now bless him has been down with stroke for 6-7 yrs, he;s just 62 and her mom just above 50s now works so tirelessly now she comes in 9-10pm every evening, why did he take the man sickness for her to take the initiative.

i happened to mediate in an isuue regarding my friend here in the UK and his wife regarding finances, i sat down and listened to him and actually felt from his views, he came in to study and had a girlfriend at home for 2ys, when the waiting was becoming unbearable it resulted into insults, curses, time waster blah blah, he did the needful, told me he spent over a million, brought her to UK, got a bigger accomodation, she got pregnant and gave birth, of course he was happy doing all that, not complaining, the boy is 10 months now, he did all this through 2 jobs, macdonalds and a cleaning job, this is a project management graduate, the wife statrted a nursing cert, got a papers and got a job, he said he decided to observe her and see what she would do, he would come back from night shift, drop her at work and sit with the boy at home, after 4 months he said he noticed she was spending on clothings and shoes, sending money to her parents and siblings, not once did she ask if shoulc assist with feeding or any other thing, after 4 months he got annoyed, seized her debit card where she gets wages and send i dont care what anyone will say, you are self centred and from today i would mange whatever comes into this acct, while i know he took it too far, i understood where he was coming from.

in summary, the average salary in naija is between 150-250k, all expenses like schools, medicals, transport are not free, if any woman married to man within this band feels it is not compulsory for her to assist financially and only when she feels she need to that is when she should do and feels she would loose respect for such man and to her he is lazy, not good enough, why bother get married, why not wait till adenuga, dangote, otedola, shobanjos of this world come your way,to those that talked about 10yrs, 20yrs plan, there are 180 million pple in that country, a man would have what he feels is necessary to start a family, a good income not what would run the family forever, no wonder armed robbers are looking for preys, yahoo-boys gathering all the millions they need, civil servants and coperate guys forging and increasing deals, politicians milking the people of the money needed for the populace these are the "REAL MEN", in a country where the middle class hardly exists, a woman does not feel it compulsory to assist financially, and you wonder why we are country of rogues. i'm out

i know a business idea which should your husband be interested, he could actually make a living from , i live in the UK as well, but i dont know as regards his age and the fact that he is a family man if he would like the idea. i actually this as well when i couldnt get anything proffessional after my msc hee (studied environmental, health and safety), i learnt from nigeria guys who are doing well in this business although they are workaholic, it is car trade busines, the interesting thing about it is you only need to pick up your calls if people show interest in you cars hence you could do this trade along with your normal job.


Basically i learnt how to search for cars around UK through some websites and auction centres even private sellers, as i know a little about cars, i buy them at trade prices and offer them at retail prices on autotrader and other competitive site, believe me it is not as simple as it is sometimes but it is simple as well, the average profit on a car is from £300 + depending on the type of cars you buy and the capital you put in, understanding the car trade market in the Uk is important as well cos if you do, your cars would not spend an average of 2 weeks and you sell and get some returns, i have sold cars within hours, couple of days and sometimes months but i've made mistakes as well so i understand when my capital is tied down, but trust me with what i average monthly even my msc wouldnt pay me that, although i was fortunate to have up to 5-6 cars online every week,but trust me whether he would be interested to do it part time or make it a job, if he can learn the basic he would be amazed what he can make from it. as someone living in the west midlands i have numerous nigerian friends that have grown from 2-4 cars into have garages within 10 - 18 months, and with a sound business in the UK , comes huge benefits like major loans to business , large overdrafts , and so on, hope you read it and do more research and if possible let him give it a try, wish you all the best.

@ sagamite, while you have a point, reality is most of these people using those funds to sponsor themselves abroad for treatment and the waste you call it are doing and would continue to do it as long as the status quo remains, it is the sorry state of our country, nobody is held responsible and they're not answerable to us at the moment (whether you agree with me or not), so if these people enjoy this benefits, how much more people that have shed blood and sweat for nigeria, the example of paul gascoigne in the UK as posted by someone below is a typical example of how you rally round a legend of the country. there was time where gascoinge was in the news for everything bad, neglected, but now he is appearing in the media once in a while after rehabilitation.

i'm also sure you remember maradona's weight issues and how the country rallied around him, and also how boca juniors brought him from no where and placed him in an important position in the club, that is what most people here are refering to.

This is so sad and and OP i feel for you and would never wish my sisters or any woman to be in your shoe, to imagine the hell you're going through and dealing with , i pray you find strenth to make the right decisionand God put a smile on your face soon interms of your ouw fruit of the womb. i really wished i knew what advise i could give, God is your strenth.

Can i just digress and say this post is one of the main reason why contributors on the family section need to strike balance, be fair when giving advise or making conclusions on issues people bring here. to read the posters asking about OP previous life as regards dating married man is unacceptable, out of order, while i would understand where you're all coming from, this isnt necessary at this moment, however the thing is loads of posters especialy would find fault with the OP if this situation was to be reversed, why we cant advise based on the post being put infront of us and ignore any digging of what is not or what is inconclusive i would never understand.

Also generally seeing the sympathy of posters on this thread and heart to heart advise here one would wonder why a similar thread about a woman having affair after 6 yrs of no issue in marriage and getting pregnant has been on here for up to a month now and it hasnt even generated 2 pages of review and 80% of posters on there advised the woman to keep the pregnancy , reveal to husband and some even expect the husband to forgive and take in the result of the promiscuity of his wife, some even made it like the husband is the loser in that situation cos it has proved he is with the problem, the reverse is the case now on this thread, above all pls i'm not trying to turn this into a man Vs woman issue but to please appeal to the posters on here as the family section is very sensitive that unbiased, fair, respectable and balanced advise is given to all who bring their problems here regardless of the gender, country, and orientation.

Another way to look at this issue is this

a man 30 dates/marries 23 yrs girl- ok, 25yrs girl-0k,infact a survey of most women here would tell you the diffrence in age between their boyfriend/spouses,most are younger to them, if we are to call out the women dating younger guys on this forum or no of women we know that do it , they would be few compared to those dating guys older than them, if this whole equality thing is o true to u guys why dont we have 50/50 stats of girls dating younger guys and i mean much more younger guys like 6-10 yrs younger.

the cases of the young guys that married white grannies which was posted here on nairaland springs to mind and the views of all the females on that thread is enough to throw all this equality being preached here in the bin, i guess if it was turned around eyes would would not be raised much afterall it is at least common in the society to see.

personally from my view while i still believe feminism has played some major role in shaping our modern society today , the continous pursue of this course as far as i am concerned is mostly selective and for conveinience.

l made a contribution about this equality issue on the post on the lady seriously considering divorce, like i put it i agree no female should be raised to believe and accept she is inferior to a man, i also accepted feminism came out cos of the demeaning attitude of the society to womanhood especially about 50-60 decades ago,

However i would still maintain that a very 'True gender equality(what feminism is preaching and strives for) would be NO to Women and children first in life and death scenarios, mandatory drafting of women in equal statistics to men for military purpose, if this is achieved and a woman can stand in the position to lay her life for her husband/man and children in life and death issues like natural disasters, terrorism, high magnitude accidents like titanic, then welcome to the world of equality.

On another note, you see u women are just impossible and God i wish i could understand how you lot think, when asked one of the qualities you want from your husband, you often get 'he should be able to protect me and my child' you even expect this from your bfs, so i ask why would someone my equal need my protection, why should i protect someone whom we're the same if he/she is not protecting me in return. the day i chose to be equal to my protector i dont need him to protect me then, so why do you need the person whom you're equal to to protect you big question.

This issue every now and then, on every topic it all comes to the same equality stuff, why every marriage issue that come up on here would always lead to this, i often wonder, Generally i've always believed this feminism issue is a case of having by force what you dont have naturally, feminism has a process started with good intentions as reading and watching in videos decades ago the plight of women interms of their position at home, at work , to the society was abused and looked down on but as would with everthing with humans it grows and starts to exhibit selfish, self centred, manipulative and wicked nature of humans. let me put this way

I'll try not to be religious with this issue now a days a feminism way of life still accepts that a man is responsiblie for his wife , child and society, why this has always been the same, the difference is decades before the men were getting praises and accolades for putting all this before themselves but now the society wants a man to continue to do this and get on with it after all you're a man.

to the equality preacher can you justify this scanarios

a major accident like titanic projected how a man should show responsibility i mean 'women and children first' and what happens to the man (they didnt even had to complain as they owed it as a duty), that phrase 'women and children first' still showes in everyday life till date, if you're being attacked you first make sure your woman and child are safe, if you are in an accident you look out for woman and child, if the house is buring your first thought 'woman and child', whe you're hungry 'woman and child first' i've seen husbands give up their assets like cars and stuffs to their woman while they drive the lesser ones, when a woman is molested in public mob of men sorround and assist, when a woman is a victim, sympathy is doubled, if a man is hitting a woman in public, a mob rushes there to defend her irrespective of what caused it, the case of the homelesss who died saving a woman in USis an example, she couldnt even rush to the poor man or call for assistance for a man who could have layed where he was but tried to help a lady cause she a 'weaker vessel', have u asked when two men are fighting why women look and walk past or at best scream and shout, why you can go between them, why its not a big deal a man hitting another one and every lady just look on, why would a man take on the fight for a lady and a lady cant do such back if you're so equal.

i've worked in factories, what roles to women play in the factory, whose moving the big boxes, doing the climbing, lifting, why are women made to sit or stand in place doing jobs like folding, tieing, and all the soft jobs, how many women are on the warfront in iraq, afganistan, whats the death toll of the females soldiers in vietnam war, world wars, civil wars, how many female fire fighters went into the world trade centre, what is the death toll of the female fire fighters to the male, how many female are taking position to protect the country, the world from terrorism and compare them to men,why is it that over 100 men does something its natural, 1 woman does it she a HERO, why do we have first woman to drive a car, go to the moon, do this and do that.

U see the major accomplishment of feminism has been achieved as women now could do what they couldnt do before and thus support the man and take off some burden, what we have being preached now is only a selfish and wicked act which is to show women are not equal to man but superior, and we have a society that is sympathetic to this cause because the issue is about women. the very day you can remove the 'women' from that phrase 'women and children first' in all the aspects of our every day life and in all the cases of danger and rephrase it 'men and children first' then come to me, i would not even take you as equal i would ascribe you superior to man

i just wanted to add this, i kind of understand and agree the poster on the inferiority complex, especially taking a full look at what happened on the field as repoerted by the UK media, there was tugging and arguing between both players, refree called and spoke to both of them, suarez pats evra on the head, he says "dont touch me you south american , " suarez replies "negrito" although repeatedly,, evra reports to the refree, few mins later evra went into a tackle receives a yellow card and said " why are you giving me a card is it because i'm Black", this is reported on the daily mail, sun and other UK link, what is baffling is how evra is the only victim in this scene as a result of his skin colour, i'm black and i'm not trying to defend suarez as he has his own issues but if a black man would conviniently play a race or ethnic card (south american) on others and take it as an insult back is a no no for me, thats how i see it.

i responded to your post about how you FEEL a guy should go about his problem (financial problems when he is broke), so i asked you as a lady, if you feel the girl friend should be a last resort, then dont you also feel the boyfriend should be a last resort, in other words if she doesnt ask or tell him , he wouldnt be in the know, he wouldnt be aware and if this is the case, dont you think your principle of what you FEEL should apply as well (in other words the lady should ask for help from her parents, family and friends, and keep whatever problem is from her relationship with her boyfriend that way he wouldnt be aware she has a financial need and he wouldnt have to carry her burden.

I had to reply the last post, talking about objectivity and the advice that was given above, in a reverse position would you agree that a girl should also put her burden on her parents, family and friends as well and her boyfriend should be her last resort

and if this should not be the case, if this is not true, can you explain why the opposite should be case

and i would love you to remove sentiments and be objective as well.

k, having read through all posts and the male vs female views so far, one thing i'm trying to understand about where the ladies are coming from is the HELP IN THE MOMENT OF NEED issue, and everyone's got a point. i understand the men'view of a relationship in naija today all about the pay check, truth is it is, i believe at some point every guy must have come accross girls with words like "are u sure u would be able to take care of me" and u know what the word "take care" means, and u wonder if take care to some of these ladies is all about providing materially and financially how do these ladies "Take care" of their guys and ur mind goes to their body as u cant think of what else they can take care of their guys with and it makes it looking like whoring urself to the highest bidder (the one that can take care)

but looking at this from another angle this case is not necessarily the normal girl demanding the guy takes care of her, but needing help at a crucial moment just like the other thread with the guy borrow to pay the girls fees. i believe most guys here render help to people in need and this could be anybody from strangers, sibblings, friends, family members,  how much more the girl u proclaim u love and the girl which her presence makes u excited,  why not look at it from this angle , at some point in life even great men/women that have achieved today and influential today have had help from one source or the other, i know a man who is a billionaire today in naija, owns one of the largest media firms in naija and he started some 30 yrs ago thru the money his girlfriend who later became his wife borrowed for him through her bank, guess wat they are seprated today and thousands of people have reaped from where she sowed. it happens both way either a man/woman. i guess we should all look at this from that angle if a stranger needs this help like a colleague or a church memeber u probably would how much more ur girlfriend.

And DO NOT do this hoping u're buying her or expecting u reap it in marriage, it doesnt make u maga if u help a girlfriend in need does it, and i want to believe the lady when she said she has never asked before so she is not in the "take care of me " categories of girls outside there.

UUU!! are the phaggot, shameless piece of rag

@ Jenny

it only takes a weed smoker to identify another one, i bet thats wat you relax with, common no wonder there is no value, if those that refer to themselves as women /wives open come out with things like these.

i would repeat again, pls you do not have to carry out surgery on my post, its a forum , if u feel it is rubbish, why dont u ignore it and post yours, for all the english you understand you should know wat a forum means i believe, so DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SHOVE UR VIEWS AND IDEAS ON ME or exhibit your show of shame by passing insult at me.

and as for you refering to people as retard , you need to take a good look at your miserable life to see who really is RETARDED!!!!

now i have kept my self out of this for a while,

@ TOF,

why dont you ignore my comments and make yours , must you reply my comment, who had made you judge of wat is right or wrong, who has made you a lord over my view and advice, why dont you choose to ignore it and leave your own advise, who are these ladies that feel its honourable to abuse and insult people cos to them wat they gave as advise is rubbish,MY GOD , are there still women like this, trying to shove your imagination and views on people, i would love see how you people deal with ppl with opposing views from yours in reality, like you would curse them, abuse them, WOW!!!!,

like you are to teach me what to say?, are you being serious at all, see cause you're a woman you can insult as u like, and i should take it on my chin,

like i said before continue to wallow in your show of shame.

@ TOF, only an internet/online thug replies the way you did, and for all your IV league education, you can stoop this low, terrible,

i believe something should be done to this issue of posters that behave like warlord, tyrant on this forum, i dont trade insult with ladies, i have one at home, i also have them as families that i love and respect, so i would leave you to wallow in your shame.