₦airaland Forum

maebem:
Praise praise ye the lord, my prince and princess arrived yersterday 8.42 pm via cs. Mum and twins r doing fine. Thank u lord for ur faithfulness.

And they did not disappoint me

Can we all give August mamas a thunderous round of applause.....papapapapapapapapapapapapapapa

Infact they responded by starting with two babies - a boy and a girl. Waoh!!!! That's how to respond to a challenge

Congrats maebem. God bless our two little angels. Just as their coming has brought happiness to this thread, so shall their life be in Jesus Name. let Sayoberry and other twin mamas come and usher you in. God bless you.

peppyluv02:
Op, I think it's the lesser percentage of men [b]because where I come from (Anambra), most of the men will prefer their wives to stay at home and raise their kids while they take care of the finance [/b]but due to the economic situation,they need support so,some of them have allowed their wives to work and do business.

Naturally,women are go getters that is why they can take up the so called 'odd jobs' and due to the gender bias,they tend to put in their best when trying to do or get something done just to prove the men wrong.

It's easier for women to get job these days than men even in the networking business,you find out the ladies are doing very well because people listen to them than they do to men. That doesn't mean the men in that line of business are not doing their best to get to the top of the ladder too.
Thou, there is a higher percentage of hard working women these days than men. And forget the blabbing of some of these men,they pray silently day and night to marry hardworking successful women even those who earn more than them.

Interesting...I thought I have read something contrary on NL before

Somatic:
When a man enters into a partnership with income sharing on his mind, how won't he relinquish the portion of the headship commensurate with the burden he expects his half to share?

nefertitiram:
#TeamAugust the only team who believes last position is best position :d

Team August, how faaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Dis one wey una dey shift go last position, make una no go find unasef for September o

Missmalachhi you dey diaaaaaaa

We need 4 babies next week biko

May God make it easy for you all

babygirlfl:
me sef do dey see quadruple. Lets leave it at that dear.

Very well ma'am

bukatyne:
We are all not married to same husbands so what is the point of discussing and discussing what we will never agree on?

If A believes she is inferior to her husband and they are happy;
If B believes she is equal to her husband and they are happy;
If C believes she is superior to her husband and they are happy,

All join.

Walahi no addition, no subtraction. Adopt any model that makes you happy.

bukatyne:
I take equality proponents to be feminists? inequality proponents are anti-feminists not so?

Abeg let's change topic

you sef don tire??

My eyes don dey see double sef

babygirlfl:
Thank you very much kimoni for your replies so far. We learn everyday.

I am learning from you too ma'am. Thanks for educating me also.

Please what is your definition of submission?

I started with this actually. Remember my initial post on this topic here, it sums up my beliefs about submission.

You have just answered the question for me about equality. The fundamental belief that binds all those who believe in equality is the same. Whatever people decide to take or add to the meaning of equality is left to them

And what's the fundamental belief? Everything in the world should be shared equally? thats the most practical definition I can think of.

bukatyne:
Really?

You believe in inequality right? You are a proponent.

there is?? What are they called? do they have different waves too? Pls educate me biko

bukatyne:
Is there a universal definition for inequality amongst its proponents?

Re value: However the people in it decide to measure the value.

re a working wife contributes 70% of the running because she does chores + contributes.

Except a woman is not working, she will do more even if she doesn't contribute (for a home where the man provides and the woman takes care of the home)

Inequality has no proponents

babygirlfl:
When I asked if it happens in marriage, I meant if the husband can be voted out just as Obama can be voted out. And are you trying to say that if a man is not a good head that the wife can divorce him?

Voting out, sacking, firing, divorcing....as long as there is an exit system. Relate my post to the question you asked initially.

The worth I meant here was actually not material. I meant the person's worth (importance and value ) as human.

Then I perfectly agree. Every member of the family/team is just as important.

What is your definition of submission? Do you believe in the dictionary submission?

Honestly, I have never bothered to search for the dictionary meaning or to check whether it aligns with the Biblical submission which I believe in. I try to live a very practical life devoid of theories and big grammar.

Are you a Christian, I ask because even Christians don't have a universal belief about what Christianity is. There would not be different denomination if there was.

Far from true. The fundamental beliefs that binds Christians together are one and the same. Those are the very foundations of the faith and it is those foundations that determines if one is a Christian or not. Pls don't confuse this with church doctrines, these will always vary according to the number of churches that exist.

bukatyne:
In her context, she meant 'importance', 'value' etc.

But how do you measure that?

@equality: if there is no universal definition for equality amongst its proponents, is there a universal definition for inequality?

Modified

bukatyne:
@Kimoni:

The worth is actually not 'material/monetary' if I get babygirlfl right.

Just how the gift of prophesy is not 'superior' to the gift of healing or the gift of speaking in tongues.

Then I misunderstood her. So in marriage terms, what does "worth" refer to?

babygirlfl:
The main problem many people have with this head thing is because of abuse. When there is abuse of a system, the natural thing is for people to ask for change. There are many men who abuse the position of being the head. My question is what should be done to such men? Don't you think there should be check and balances in this head thing. Leadership is supposed to be a position of service and responsibility. If men are to get the position authomatically, should there not be a way to check his excesses? Obama was voted in and can still be voted out. Does this happen in marriage?

Yes it does. Is there any law that stops a man or woman from exiting the marriage if it fails to meet up with their expectation?? I don't know of any.

On equality, I like to see it as when both partners are worth the same in a marriage. It's not about washing plate and all that. I know Nairaland have made it so but it appears so because we are in the family section where such topics come up. When a man is simply refusing to wash dishes because it's beneath him, then that means he thinks he is worth more than the woman who is going to wash the dish. Equality means even when the man works and the wife stays at home, they are worth the same and vice versa. I don't care what people do in their homes. What I fight for is that both man and woman are worth the same and both have a choice.

Hmnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

This is up for debate. Should marriage automatically upgrade your worth to that of your spouse because he/she is worth more and downgrade your worth when he/she is worth less? Is this equality?

I know of an 18 year old beauty queen who married an old billionaire - over 60 years. Now one year down the line, is she supposed to be worth the same thing with the man just because he put a ring on it??

On roles, I think this should be common sense. If a one partner solely provides, it's common sense that the other takes care of the home. If they both provide, it's common sense that both tend to the home. The problem is when husband and wife both work and somehow only the woman should do the chores or in extreme situations where only the woman works and still does everything at home.

I perfectly agree. Infact, I read somewhere that the working woman does over 75% of the total work in the house. She does her own traditional roles fully and she still takes up a significant portion of the man's traditional duties of providing

On submission, I think it's one thing where people say one thing and do another. Nobody can follow the dictionary meaning and we both know the danger of following individual definitions. The confusion the word submission actually cause today it's because different people have given it different definitions. The reason why I don't agree with it is that you don't know the definition that the other person might give it.

Arrrrrhhhhhhhhh don't blame the confusion on the word o, that word has had the same meaning over the years. If people interprete it to mean whatever, then it's their problem and not what has been sitting jejely on its own over the years. I can't disagree with a model just because people interprete it in different ways. What would that say about me?

Also as someone already said, it's simple - If you don't support equality, you support inequality.

Not so simple actually. How do you begin to support something when there is no universal understanding amongst its proponents as to what it even entails

jaybee3:
The 50:50 split is actually shared responsibility with defined roles.

Undefined roles actually. Anybody can do anything...from what I read o

jaybee3:
What's your take on the equality mindset with regards to marriages?

Every gathering of two or more persons with an aim to work together to achieve a common objective must produce a leader from within. And that's why we have the post of class captain, president, pastor, governor, team leader, managing directors etc. In the home, it is the husband. And the main function of such person is to give some form of direction to the team and should also have the final say when there is a stale mate, hence, there is a lot of responsibility attached to such positions. And the leader does not necessarily have to be the most intelligent, or handsome or tallest or whatever. Obama is not the smartest person in the U.S. but he was elected by different classes of people to lead them.

I have never been able to wrap my head around this 50-50 rule in marriage, how it works or if it actually even works. Everybody in the team must have their own set of skills in which they are better than the other team members and each person rightfully has more than enough reasons why he or she should be the right person to lead the team but all these must be aside for the purpose of achieving the common goal. But if all the members want to take the mantle of leadership at the same time or not ready to step down for another, won't that be chaotic? Anyways, pls lemme continue listening to the debate from the sidelines, maybe na today I go understand am.

jaybee3:
See as you just opened my yansh

no be so bro

jaybee3:
Equals in what though?

Are you the 50:50 in everything type or you had still expect the man to do more of the physical stuff

Do you realise relationships/marriages is about competition or who is right or wrong?

Submission is about you accepting every single thing like a dundee since it's a relationship and both opinion counts but the default position just usually falls to the man due to obvious reasons

Are you quarreling with the word "not"

Sagamite:
Anuofia!

You have the audacity to ridicule the 2 prestigious secondary schools located in the great Sagamu?

The schools that produce more Harvard and Oxbridge alumni than any other secondary schools in the whole wide world?

You have issues!

only in your dreams Saga

damiso:
loving the #secschoolinnigeria # trending on Twitter and Instagram

So nostalgic for me.. One of the funniest and annoying years of my life was in secondary school

We had plenty ITKs like this in my secondary school sotey when we got to SS1 they kuku created a whole arm for them all the ITKs in one class

I am sooo feeling this...

Sagamite:
This will only be a valid argument if the woman was not part of the sales process.

That is, if she would still have agreed to marry the man without a bride price paid and/or if she is adamant no bride price is paid for her.

If she is part of the process and was part of the ritual of the sales process (where she is displayed as THE product) then she can't turn around and say "I didn't receive it so it had nothing to do with me". She helped others receive it by offering to sell herself.

If the product is to be returned and a refund is required, she is part of the refund process just as she was willingly part of the sales process.

She is not being mandated to return it. The people that received it are being mandated to return it. Since she helped them get it, she should help return it.

Simple Logic!

She is not part of the sales process. The contract is strictly between the buyer and the seller - the groom and the bride's family. The product in question had neither a say in the process nor benefitted from it. And I reiterate, he wasn't forced into the contract, there must be other types of marriages recognized by the state where he didn't have to pay bride price but he chose to opt for the bride price system. Whose fault?

The argument would be "Is your value superior to the value he brings to your life".

Exactly! Up for debate but too subjective and relative to attempt.

This is nonsense.

you are a cretinous fucktar.d

Marriage is not a contract under civil law.

And under customary law, even if you regard it as a contract, it does not require living together forever. So you can't penalise for such "breach". It normally requires the man OWNING the woman and being her Lord on Earth. Just second to Olugbala (God). He can even take multiple wives. So I am sure you will not want it to be regarded as a "contract" under this too.

Under human right laws, you can't dictate nor fine anyone based on the choices they made about who they want to be with.

This argument is very weak.

The overall point is that: Marriage is not a contract and EVERY human being should be free to choose who they want to be with at any stage or time of their life. And you don't pay people for not wanting them.

These are the kind of lame arguments some women give because they want some kind of protection/advantage. "Create a conditionality that is more likely to frequently work in your favour". No one should be forced or coerced to be with you.

You are a product of a failed educational system

Did you factor in the fact that that post is a response to an earlier post wherein the contract angle was introduced? And it was based on some perceived assumptions??

When you have kids, pls don't send them to Isale-Oko community school or RSS. See what it has done to you

ApexTitan:
I just had to zero in on the enboldened line because of how far from the truth it is especially in societies where women have been supposedly empowered by legislation like the no fault divorce. Replace the word younger in that line with richer and the pattern becomes even more apparent.

Peradventure it happens, it's not the norm. I stand to be corrected.

Nonso23:
Every culture that supports the bride price system -that I know of- also entrenches the divorce option in its codes too. One of the requirements to be fulfilled by the wife's family in the event of a divorce is the repayment of the brideprice. The refund is as cultural as the payment.

Agree. I am not against the dowry being returned, I am against the wife being mandated to pay it when she never received it and I am against the non-return of it being used to limit her rights. The groom should demand it from whoever he gave it to. Would he also demand that she pays the money he gave to her friends to woo her on his behalf?

The woman's benefit is being married even if it is just for a day and to a jerk. That is culturally her benefit together with the other financial and economic cushion it affords her. Being married in many African cultures is a boost to a woman's social reputation. It is her reward for getting married. Reputation and social status is invaluable too. Guess it is only fair that she has to pay for it too.

Hahahahahahahahahahhaha
We could both argue this till kingdom come so I won't bother. The above does not apply to me and to so many other women out there. And even if it did, can we equate the value to that which I also bring into the man's house? Men are also encouraged to get married where I can from cuz it accords them more soceital respect and the presence of a woman in the home is said to bring stability and good fortunes to the man's life. So who should be paying who ultimately and who should collect change?? I'll say the woman but it's pointless debating this. Too subjective.

The man did not just appear out of nowhere to marry her. If the marriage is what obtains in today's Africa she must have known him and discussed with him about their roles in the event that the marriage is contracted. This may include him requesting that she slaves for him till thy kingdom come. If she agrees to it them she has sold out every right to request for compensation in the event of collapse of the union. The terms of the contract were spelt out clearly and she jumped into it. She did no one no favor infact i dare say she did herself a favor because she is supposed to negotiate from a standpoint that clearly favors her. Any compensation is just social welfare.
Once a contract is signed, it is binding.
Even God acknowledges that fact.
Esau and Jacob's story anyone

As much as I would love to agree with you, it would depend on several things.
If they have both agreed to live forever, then whoever is balling out should should be ready to pay some form of compensation. That I fully agree. But it's more complicated than that. Whoever wants out because the other party has reneged on his/her own terms of the contract should expect to pay compensation to the other party even if he/she is not the one asking for the divorce.

Some examples that readily come to my mind on why women want out - 1) the woman wants out because the man is taking on a new wife or seeing another woman. I am 99% sure that was never part of the initial contract. 2) she is being maltreated in whatever form - this would also not have been part of the contract.

One good reason why most men will want out: He wants a new younger prettier woman. I am yet to see a woman who wants out cuz she found a younger man. So, who should be paying who??

Note:The above are just common reasons and by no means exhaustive, outliers are also not factored.

Sagamite:
Uganda's Supreme Court has ruled that the practice of refunding the bride price, or dowry, on the dissolution of a customary marriage is unconstitutional and should be banned.

The judges said it suggested that women were in a market place, and infringed on their right to divorce.

But they rejected the argument that the bride price itself was unconstitutional.

Campaigners said that the dowry turns a woman into the husband's property.

Should a marriage end in Uganda, the wife had been expected to refund the bride price - often paid in livestock.

But it was argued that as women tend to have less wealth than their husbands, many became trapped in an unhappy relationship.

The case was brought by the women's rights organisation Mifumi, who said that bride price encourages domestic violence.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-33800840

Starting with the second ruling, I would say the Supreme's court ruling is perfectly in order. Payment or non payment of bride price is strictly a cultural issue so nobody should be outlawed for practicing a culture that is mutually agreed upon by all parties (including the paying groom). Nobody put a gun to the man's head to pay the bride price, he had every right to reject the offer.

Secondly, refunding of pride price by the wife is unconstitutional -a CAPITAL YES. Why should I be responsible for something I did not benefit from? In the highlighted case, where did all the livestock go to? Were they handed to the wife? Definitely not! So, If the man is able to retrieve them from the various uncles, aunties, and grandparents he gave the dowry to, then by all means he should go ahead but to make the wife pay for it at all cost is totally senseless to me. And tying her down because of it is a violation of her fundamental right.

And considering the fact that she has been serving the man aka wife since the bride price was paid and unable to earn any tangible income of her own, she should start calculating her billions to serve as payment for all services rendered to him while they were married, not forgetting compensation for her wasted youthful years which she will never get back Inshort, that case needs to be revisited, the judge was very partial by forgetting the most important part of the ruling

Chillis:
My dear, you surprise me.
You we have to beg to leave your shiken and ships .
The great step is here. Exercising . By the time you start counting your calories , you won't have everyday for your shiken and ships again.
I'm proud of you

Lol...thanks babe

Chillis:
Buhahahha
Kimoni is now the class captain.
There is nothing impossible .


See kimoni controling traffic oh.

if kimoni can do it, so can anybody .

Kudos

Hahahahahahahahahahhaha

Chilli, fear God o

Very encouraging Damiso, thanks...been feeling guilty of late

I think she is in a wrong calling. She is better than all the female comedians in Nigeria. And yes, she has also made some vital points, she would surpass Etcetera as a social commentator.

Happy Birthday Jaybee3. Wishing you all that your heart desires.

keppyy:
I've never had a friend (female or male), as in true friend...

I'm really bothered now because there's a saying that we attract who we are and I know I'm not a horrible Person (maybe I think so)...

Maybe I have a body odour (impossible) which nobody has complained about...

My brother said I attract 'fake' people and he has never liked any of my girlfriends...

I must admit, I'm bothered...

I tried making some online but people thought I was psycho...

Keppy, i will adopt your style and be a bit blunt. Pardon me.

I will also be very bothered if I have gone through all the different stages of life and I can't find a single person I can call my friend, true friend like you say.
You might need to re-evaluate yourself and find a balance between your strengths and weaknesses.
I don't have too many friends too, but at every stage of my life, I always have at least someone I know that will take a bullet for me - male or female. I am not even sure i would have had the strength to go through life alone these past years cuz there are times I needed to unburden my heart to someone - no holds barred and it's these type of friends I would reach out to.

A number of factors might be at play here on why people won't get to that stage with you.

First is your circle of friends. What are those poles that attract you to friends in the first place. Those days in school, you had people who were friend based on aristo runs, bookworms, fellowship things, materialistic ties, social and moral values etc.
which circle do you generally pick your friends from cuz that's where your one or two "to die for friends" will most likely emerge from.

Secondly, you seem to be a very blunt person but an awesome person at the same time but really, one needs to find the balance between one's strength and weaknesses. In being blunt with your friends, are you unconsciously judgmental? I like to keep it real with my friends too and vice versa but in speaking your mind in any situation, you still have to be very careful and sensitive. You just have to find a middle ground in the way you approach issues with friends. Friends need to get comfortable with you and trust you enough not to use what you know about them against them in future.

Lastly, dependability. How dependable are you as a friend. Do you go the extra mile for friends? You need to be careful here cuz some people have perfected the art of using other people for their benefits but will never do same for you. But there are some friends who you can count on to always always bail you out in difficult situations. Recently, I needed to deliver some stuff to someone in Nigeria urgently and it didn't take me long to find a friend who I had not even spoken to in a while to help deliver the stuff and she took it up like I was going to pay her for doing it. Same thing I do for friends who need something from my location, I would spend the whole day shopping for stuffs for people.

Then personally, I like to avoid friends who are unduly competitive. Life to some is a competition. They find it hard to be happy for your achievements until they are able to achieve something higher or better. It's not a bad thing to be competitive but when you are always striving to get anything just because your friend has it, then, that relationship can never have a depth cuz its foundation is very superficial.

I could go on and on but I think you summarized my whole point yourself - we attract who we are. I think you should do some soul searching and maybe work a few rough edges. I am more concerned about a person's intentions than actions, hence, some people find it hard to reconcile my choice of friends. Strangely, nearly all my true friends are rough diamonds but I am not too bothered about outward/first impressions. Work on being the best human a real person can have as a friend and people like you will naturally drift to you.

Ppmoma:
Ds holiday tyn has made me lose focus small. Traveled with the kids to my parent's and bin kinda eating unhealthy but smhow, my brain keeps telling me that I can't just throw DT my dream of lepacious body /healthy lifestyle away. So, I am here to report myself. Did day 4 of Jillian's level 2 today with some abs workout. I hope to get back on track fully my next week,shud be back home dn.

I was wondering where you were. Welcome back

Abeg who be the class monitor for team August? I no just understand una. Na so so hail una dey hail una sef pls can we have the list so we can start ticking off. Who be first to go and who wan go last??

One week don finish for August oo, who dey go first abeg? Team 2016 don kuku doormoth already