₦airaland Forum

KanuSE:
Of course you are different, just like a closed-cup mushroom but it's a good step in the right direction that you're beginning to identify who you are.

what is this one saying? Shut up if you have nothing to say, you see how i have had a good conversation with the moniker i replied.

CAPSLOCKED:
MARTINEZ39
AFTER ALL THE LASHES WE TOOK, IT'S GLADDENING THAT YOUR "HATEFUL" THREAD (ACCORDING TO THESE BITTER SOULS) HAS FIXED ONE FAMILY, AND CAN EVEN FIX MORE IF MORE MALES THROW AWAY THE FEMININE TRAITS THEY'VE PICKED FROM THEIR MOTHERS, AND ACTUALLY READ THESE INFORMATION WE PROVIDE ON THIS FORUM FOR FREE. A LOT WILL BE BETTER FOR THE MEN FOLK IF THEY CAN JUST FREE THEMSELVES FROM THE SHACKLES OF MATERNAL SLAVERY. AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOU, AND THE GREAT UBUNJA.

go to page 11 and stop yapping. His mum and other siblings have long mend fences ,his mum and dad even now live together. The op is the only in his family still not on good terms with his dad. Maternal slavery my foot. Maybe na abortion fit people like you sef. And as for that Martin ,i have told him to go for sex doll and never Pollute the earth with his seed.

Luiz1:
Or becoming an Almanjiri

yeah, half bread is better than none.

Luiz1:
One Yoruba proverb talk say: Na another person child we dey send go Night market.

well atleast better than being stuck in an orphanage or on the rough streets of Nigeria.

JONNYSPUTE:
Exactly why I said the pain will always be there if you keep remembering the wrong he or she did. It's not an easy stuff but once you learn it,you will be at peace with yourself first and have a much happy life.Where I meant ego and pride is for people who find it difficult to apologize,wether they are wrong or right.

I can actually find peace without enabling the abuser. You see i keep hearing of this "forgive for yourself" . This is for people who hold on to it. If you wrong me, i delete you,i will barely even remember your existence so i won't even need to apologize to you for wronging me just because i want to have some form of closure. Maybe i am just different sha.

midnighter:
Yes, everybody is different and has their own way of dealing with the past

But at least they have all the facts, its left to them to decide whether to have a relationship or not

True.

I can guess who the adopted son is

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Once you keep having it in mind that the other party is wrong,you will find it difficult to take this step.What I normally do is put myself in his or her shoes and tell myself that im not perfect either. The next is to tell him or her"sorry I didn't mean to provoke you into acting or behaving this or that way"and before I could even finish my statement,the other party is already apologizing and the problem is solved. It's our pride and ego that makes us not to do the right thing most times.

i disagree, if i am hurting from being wronged, what is there is pain not pride or ego .

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Ok. Like me for example. I do it most times. I mean apologizing to the other party even if I'm right. I don't see anything there. Sometimes it's ego and pride that makes people see it as a special stuff.

I see ,i need to learn this ,i can apologize when wrong, but not when i have been wronged ,i would rather tell you how you wronged me and tell you i forgive you instead of telling you to forgive me for wronging me.

midnighter:
Exactly, not the one the lady will stop them from going to see their dad "because I dont want him to poison you against me"

If the fellow is really as useless as you think, let everybody see it for themselves. You cant shield a person all his life. At least a child must be curious about his parent

Now your cousin can never blame your auntie for depriving her of her father so her conscience is clear

The first son that raised a cutlass on him while they were still kids because he was beating their mum has mended fences but they are just cool,na still all man for himself you know those kind of hi hello kind of relationship, but my cousin my mum raised that one nor wan hear o, still addresses him as old man. Lol

JONNYSPUTE:
..Agreed But do you see anyone apologizing even when he or she is right as a wrong thing to do? I asked because I personally can still apologize to the person that wronged me.

This is not a matter of wrong or right,i find it very intriguing. I watched the video of the guy that hugged his brother's killer in court. I was intrigued.

I have heard of stockholme syndrome who knows what we will call that part. I am more interested in finding out the psychological pathway behind it that if it is right or wrong.

midnighter:
Thats why you should look before jumping into marriage issue

At times the person you are fighting for is not complaining.

If you dislike your father because of what he did to you and your mother no problem but dont fight on the womans behalf

The bond between husband and wife is very strong to the point of making you forget whatever the person may have done to you. Thats the only way even marriage works sef, when two of you just dey do like mumu wey no remember anything

True i would rather let the kids feel the rejection themselves. My uncle was the one that pushed his kids away, they will go to him for school fees he will tell them to go to their mother, they will go for holiday, he will say nasty things to them and even about their mother ,till they stopped going to see him. So many things i dont want to touch on. My mum even had to take my cousin in take the load off their mother,she sef tire for her brother. Lol

So its better the kids see the rejection themselves.

IceColdVeins:
lol you are my buddy oooo, its by force..Not deliberately though.

see how you made people to be insulting themselves on this thread ,i dey vex for you o. If to say i nor do investigation now na so i for join ,becareful buddy

Ryan03:
ah! Now I get the whole picture. But icecoldveins you should have stated that the first time na, it means your dad has apologized to your mum and settled everything while you refused to mend fences (I stand corrected). You should have been plain from the beginning

i just tire for the guy, giving half stories here and there.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Good you can now get a clearer picture of the whole scenario.

The op was corny for that. He painted a wrong narrative of how he apologized to his deadbeat dad and i can understand the reason people made the comments they made in the first two pages . What came to my mind when i first read his comments was oh ,his father is rich now he is the one going to apologize to his rich dead beat father. But now we know why, the op is just late to the party,all his other siblings have dine that even his mum and dad now live together. Very interesting.

IceColdVeins:
You are kind of on point, I don't care if I'm singled out though.
I just dont want the rift between us have any spiritual or circumstantial implications on me in future, you'll never know, I might actually be fathering a son too in future, chew on that buddy.

lol i am not chewing on anything ,and i am not your buddy ,just pointing out what i think cos you deliberately changed the narrative and left people to form their opinions blindly.

midnighter:
Thank you

He just has to save himself from being awkwardly frozen out of the family since his mother doesnt have any quarrel with the man again

i would have appreciated if IceColdVeins ran with this narrative from the beginning instead of letting this thread degenerate into something else. If i hadn't queried why he had to apologize i wouldn't have gotten this part of the detail he left out.

He made it seem like he was doing it to find peace bla bla bla when the truth is the rest of the family already moved past the reconcilaition phase and he is the only one late to the party.

ibkayee:
Thanks, this was just pointed out to me earlier, but until we know the details it still isn't saying that much

i think the op is the one who defended his mum the most during the time when his parents had issues, ever heard of the saying "dem nor dey talk put for husband and wife matter"? This is what played out. He was the most vocal of them all and now that his parents have settled he is going to be affected more in fixing his relationship with his dad. Hence the apology and gift. Imagine everyone except you is now cool with the person all of you used to beef, now i understand why the op needed to apologize ,he needed to fix the relationship with his dad at any cost lest he becomes the black sheep of the family.

Ryan03:
I see

The op deliberately left of that detail and now this thread has turned into something else.

As it stands the op is the only one in his family who has not mended fences with his dad. His mother and other siblings have all done that. And now he has to make extra effort by apologizing and buying gifts lest he becomes the black sheet of the family.

IceColdVeins did i leave anything out?

IceColdVeins:
Bro I don't think I need that. There is almost no valid reason for treating one's wife and children badly.
He's an a$$hole yeah, I just want peace and nothing but peace since my mom is still with him

wait, him and your mum have reconciled? Now this is more interesting

Cc ibkayee

Ryan03:
we have learnt to move on, my issue is with those who believes such relationships should be restored. Cases are different hence you can't say everyone should breach gaps. If me dad was still alive, I would have forgiven him but never have anything to do with him.

exactly ,the op gave us half stories turns out his mum and dad have reconciled and now live together

ibkayee:
To keep such hostility and go without talking for 6 years, only to suddenly be convinced of a reconciliation by that small, two sentence quote on Nairaland is kind of weird lol. I am also interested in the full story

why should i stop offending people if they will be the ones to always apologize?This is a very interesting story.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. So you will want him to keep crucifying his dad before you believe his story abi?.I don't always understand why almost every thread here becomes a sort of competition between the both genders.Cant we just be happy for him atleast? Op good you reconciled with your dad.Happiness and joy is priceless.

Ofcourse i am happy for him, but then the Op is apologizing to his dead beat dad ,that is very remarkable so i am curious as to what prompted it.This is not a matter of crusifying his dad,i want to know why he feels he is the one that hurt his dad and needed to apologize, Just like that guy that hugged the police officer that shot his brother in his apartment, i am very much interested in human behavior ,this is something worth studying.


Isnt there another way he could have reconciled without making it look like he was giving his father a pat on the back? If i wrong someone and they are the ones to come and apologize,i will never think what i did was wrong and won't even see the need not to do it again. From where it stands it seems the op is the one pushing for a reconcilaiton cos his dad doesn't give a fvck and still doesn't give a fvck about the op .

PataAlhaja:
The Pussy-ass coward wants to be included in his rich "father's" will. Nothing else.

He'd have long forgotten he had a father if the man had lost all his wealth and ended up as bus driver.

Indeed, money rules the world.

he is dodging that part. I am still trying to figure out how you will be the one to apologize to a dead beat father ,lol very funny op.

ibkayee:
Exactly, yeah maybe there are points we’re missing

i hate half stories. There is more he is not saying making readers form their opinion.

But i am very interested in why he felt the need to apologize if he already labelled his dad a dead beat.

IceColdVeins:
I have had a face off with him quite a number times and I feel guilty.

and you feel those face off were out of place? All this your half stories is annoying, if you are going to say it say it all. You had a face off over what? And why?

ibkayee:
I’m kind of annoyed that you even apologised

that is the part i am yet to get,like how do you apologize for being abandoned ,lol .

IceColdVeins can you tell us why you are apologizing? Maybe if we know the reason you are sorry for hurting your dad we too can learn

Martinez39:
These are the malicious and wicked souls who insist, subtly, that op maintain the discord between him and his father. Even though IceColdVeins never mentioned specifically what his mum suffered in the hands of his father, they readily assumed his father was a cold-hearted beast who meted cruel and grievous treatments to his wife. Of course, these three women, in typical fashion, act like women can do no wrong and men are beasts. IceColdVeins, I congratulate you on bonding with your father. Do not let these three demons and their kind sway you from what you have done. It's a shame that they cherish the discord in family because of their "women are angels, men are beast that should be hated and punished" mentality.

Notice how Graxie disdains the fact that children try to establish connections with their fathers (to hear their own side of the story and, possibly, reconcile) even though the mother brought them up. To her, the children distancing themselves from their fathers is an apt reward to a mother who brought them up. Notice how she typed "some will even claim you manipulated them" as though this is a misapprehension in all cases of parental alienation. To her, bringing up children is not worth it if they would try to make up with fathers in future. This mindset of Graxie is shared by all women, especially feminists.

No human is perfect. If a human being own up to their offences and past misdeeds and are sincerely willing to make things right, who is to say they do not deserve a second chance? IceColdVeins, carry go.


CAPSLOCKED, Ubunja, emmaodet, JONNYSPUTE, AstroG, Omar09

i knew i would find you here. I but i just want to say what i have been wanting to say to you , FVCK YOU old man .

Call your gangs usual ,la la la la. Oh even the dead beat baby daddy is mentioned , i am sure he will be happy with this thread too. Rounding up the committee of deadbeat baby daddies nairaland branch ,lol

Graxie:
This is why I hate single motherhood, I can never raise up kids by myself alone except due to widowhood. God will not even allow me to be one. Every single mother should read this thread and wake up, you will raise this kids alone and they will go in search of their father. Some will even claim you manipulated them. Wake up and seek for child support from sperm donor, even if it means going public. Don't waste your life for nothing. Better still, go and drop those kids for your sperm donor family. Be wise.

You see the Nigerian man knows no matter how much of a dead beat he is "the child always looks for his father ,male or female ,its even worse for a female cos they she will get married.,las las as a single mother ,you are wasting your time cos one dead beat father will be somewhere waiting to reap where he did not sow after years of you as a single mother toiling for the kids.

Which is why the society has be more liberal on who collects bride price . Its just absurd that all the years of suffering for a child is erased because one dead beat decides to show up for a day.

Why would any man even want to be a father to their kids when they can live their best life and still be rewarded with love from the children they abandoned all in the name of reconcilaiton lol. I wouldn't if i was man,and i am sure many men know this and have taken the liberty to as they like hence so many dead beats liter the streets of Nigeria.

He is even the one apologizing for being abandoned lol .Dont be surprised that op might even accuse his mother of being the reason he had no relationship with his father ,he has already described his mother as a wailer and a nagger ,lol .

No,fuel still dey gen from last night so no qualms.7 pm has always been gen putting on time for years we usually don't have light in the evenings ,just mornings when i have gone to work and at night when i am asleep sometimes they will not bring it at night sef.

ucham:
The thing weak me too my guy. All these things na just neo-colonialism.
Like fela said in one of his songs, you no go see British man dey answer Chinese name or Chinese man dey answer German name. Na for Nigeria you go see black man dey answer oyibo man name.

singing;

Dem go proud of them name
Dem carry dem slave name for headi
Nor be so?
E be so.
Kolomentality na make you hear me now


Fela sha, that man touched every aspect of our existence ,till date his songs are still relatable.

Otunbalai:
Don't be to sure...Post it here, lets have a look and see if it's as you said

not too religious, not too black like our neighbors, have sense and be reserved but not too introverted,have self awareness fullstop.