₦airaland Forum

prof2007:
Thanks Ladecewhy. You are a precious jewel.

uwc

luminouz:
Anyone who bases his/her self worth on what anyone says about them online(especially from peeps who dont even know who you truly are) is weak.

I told you once,learning to control one's emotions online is key to actually enjoying the education SM provides and avoiding getting tainted by the rot SM brings.

The govt. Is a wuzzbug,controlled by a dictatorial president who doesn't want any opposition. Surely, a girl like you can spot the difference.

sure i can spot the difference ,just letting you know the internet is actually serious business and a reflection of how people are especially on a faceless forum like this where people can be who they really are. Most people blend in perfectly with society and are afraid of being their real selves in the real world but here is where they take off their cloak and masks and be themselves.

While i will agree one needs to learn to master one's emotions i still maintain my stand that what you see on social media especially on this forum is what you get. This place is a ground for people to be open about themselves as being faceless provides that comfort. And it needs to be taken very seriously.

I personally have gotten a health remedy from a thread that was full of retarded comments.A typical nairaland from page thread that was hijacked by trolls helped me. So i do take the internet seriously and filter it for my benefit.

luminouz:
Lmaoooo...

I was just teasing her.

She was so ticked off I couldn't resist it
Why taking NL comments so serious naaaaa?


Babe...the topic was not challenging to me,so I just read y'all comments and goofed around. Did you see the insults and diatribes flying around? It amused me that y'all took to your heart stuffs being said by people who actually dont even care about you. I mean, why get ticked off?


Have a nice day oooo

quoting you was actually my only comment on this thread.


The truth is the internet is where people educate themselves,many people (maybe not in Nigeria) have taken social media seriously that they even took their life based on what people said about them on the internet so yes the internet is to be taken seriously if not the govt will not be fighting tooth and nail to regulate it if it wasn't taken seriously.

And do have a nice day too.

[s][/s]

jackals:
you're probably a psychologist. Narcissists are far dangerous than psychopath, ADHD and other traits which shows behavioral abnormality.

Those that'll love bomb you first , only to leave you in a limbo later when they see you're into it much more than they are, are the deadly type. I've been with people like the OP's boyfriend, and I tell you it was the most devastating point in my life.

I advised this woman to let him go. The man already cleared himself of any responsibility when he told her he's nor ready for commitment. He'll keep gaslighting and coming back for sex and validation. That's there way

The love bombing phase was when in her words "he kept coming around" . That was the time she saw more of him,for someone who said he didn't want anything serious he sure did show up alot. I will always advice ladies to pull off their shoes and run from any guy that uses pharses like "i dont want anything serious" or "lets see how it goes".


Alwaysachick , open your eyes before you loose your self worth, this guy is a user, nothing will change ,better wake up.

The guy looks adorable,so cute. Wishing them a happy married life.

luminouz:
E PAIN AM OOOOOOOOO...




E PAIIN AMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!

sometimes you go make sense sometimes you go just go offpoint

jackals:
Narcissist use it more. the guy seems like one

yeah, most narccissits are chronic liars and master manipulators which this guy has just exhibited. This is a classic covert narccisists, they are like green snakes,they come on to you and you dont even realise it until you start second guessing and being confused.


The first mistake the op made was not pulling out when he said "i don't want something serious". That was his way of not being held accountable for whatever he does to her unfortunately she fell for it.

I think the op needs to head to youtube and watch videos on gaslighting. Because from my view point and the guy's view point ,there was never a relationship to begin with.

Alwaysachick This is what i call "GASLIGHTING" .

You are being manipulated and misdirected away from the truth. And let me tell you the truth, there is no cousin anywhere,its an old line. Also let me use this opportunity to also let you know "there was never a relationship " .

He has achieved his aim of gasligting by making you even go as far as calling someone you have never called before and i am glad you know of "the bro code" ,his friend was never going to say otherwise ,that friend is the type that calls all his friend's side chicks as "our wife".


Why are you still second guessing?accept that you have been used and move on.If you refuse to have sense,you will only get used and dumped over and over again. He will only tell you "i told you i didn't want anything serious".

Let me even ask you, do you hate yourself that much? Why are you self sabotaging your emotions? You are giving a person who came out of nowhere the opportunity to show up whenever he needs your help only to push you to the side when he is done.lets analyze it this way,check your peace before you met him and now. If your peace has been unsettled, you need to take several steps back.


Lastly, let me assure you that he will be back, not because he missed you ,but need your help and probably see if he can fvck one more time and when you allow him,you will be stuck on the roller coaster all over again. I think its best if you delete his number right now for your own good.

lonelydora:
Wait ooo, which juju do they use on you guys to pay such money?


For someone to even agree to pay 500k means there is something fishy about him

you want him to get shot and be shown on TV as an armed robber? Seems you don't know the length these men in black can go.

bukatyne:
Thank you very much.

uwc.

Nice info ,picture or video demonstration will go along way so i decided to go and search for a video myself .




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtqLAS5rgGQ

.

bnovative:
Your comment shows there are still sane people in Nigeria.
I've also observed from the majority of comments made by people that a lot of us grew up in a dysfunctional family, where hitting a woman is considered normal.
In fact, battaring a wife shows off the man as strong and disciplined. On the reverse side of things, these same men wouldn't stand a man maltreat their daughter, that's if they finally get married properly.
A generation of baby mamas and baby daddies.

you are right,cos alot of Nigerians see sufferhead as being strong and assualt as being disciplined. Smh

niaralandtopuser:
I hardly go out in the night but there are times you just run into an old friend and before you know it 11pm already.

If I were the op, I will give her a little space for her to calm down and think things through then try to contact her again to work things out.
a real wife beater will not care about apologising immediately after hitting you

that a big lie, how do you think people develop stockholm syndrome? A real wife beater will always feel remorse and promise never to do it again ,that is how they sunstain the circle of abuse . let be clear on that.


As for your solution, you think now that parents are involved ,she will come back just like that?

babestell:
Pack your load and go to your inlaw house too. Tell them you came for vacation too after all her mother is now your mother and her brother is your brother.

lol funny but i know someone who can do this .

niaralandtopuser:
since it is his first time, a better approach will be to open the door , ignore him and discuss things with him when he is okay

how you sure its his first time tho? A person who is not a night crawler will not be that comfortable staying out that late without updating his wife about the development. There is alot of the little details the op seem to have left out .


Anyway ,all that being said, what would you advice the op does now to salvage his marriage?

luminouz:
I think he should withdraw and let elders from his side contact his wife's people. I think emotions are still running high so he should stop his personal begging. Let the elders take over and negotiate.
They will blame both sides and tell them what to do to forestall future occurrences of such.

good call.

niaralandtopuser:
I didn't say it was right that he hit her. all I a saying a mature wife will figure out a better way to handle the situation. nagging a drunk is one of the worst thing to do. confronting a drunk is not the best way to protect yourself from domestic violence. if he kill you , he end up in prison while you go to the grave. always learn to protect yourself

Yeah you are right, drunks are better left alone, maybe she should have let him sleep outside till the drink wears out,will that be a good idea too?

luminouz:
OP may be manipulating narrative, yes but the point I'm trying to make you see is if it was a one-time thing my ex did, I wouldn't have minded. She repeated shiit. So if OP's transgression was just that one time and he had apologised, he deserves a second chance.

One thing I can also tell is that as a woman, know your man's strengths or weaknesses and try not to exploit it. No matter how how much we blame the man,I also blame her for not leaving him be(at least till the alcoholic effects are off) Like I did for my ex. He clearly had no intentions of beating her but with her agressivesnes and insults joined to trigger his own alcohol-laced aggression.

I see things for from both perspectives while you seem to see it from the woman's. You never did condemn anything OP's wife did.

Action reaction and counter reaction, everything has let to this point, everyone has traded blames.


The question here is does the op want to salvage his marriage? Cos in my personal opinion since the girl's parents are involved already there is no way this issue will be resolved quietly without him getting someone from his own side to join in the appeal, maybe an elder or a pastor. He has to let the elder negotiate on the phone with her parents and go to her house with wine and kolanut. What do you suggest?

Sammiejokes:
You are using assumptions to make a point. I guess you have irresponsible brothers, I am sure the wife was calling his phone and he did not pick up. You can rant as much as you like it is obvious you are in the same boat with the OPs wife. Ladies that rant in the middle of the night 2AM, everyone has the right to be angry but when you overdo it then its a problem, she needs therapy. The guy has made a terrible mistake, he tried to apologize. He should continue to apologize if he wishes.

oh thank the universe you do agree the op made a mistake , hurray!

niaralandtopuser:
and you think it is okay to nag or discuss any reasonable thing with a drunk man? will you confront a mad man in the street because I don't see any difference between the two. a mad man will even be in a better state of mind than a drunk man

Lol ,one way or the other the woman just doesn't escape being blamed by you. If he had killed her or inflicted serious injury on her ,oh well i guess he will still be excused for being drunk. Lets blame it on the alcohol then, case closed.

luminouz:
You make nice points but blood boil happens to everyone once in a while and while not everyone lashes out violently, they still react in some ways.

I agree OP should have called his wife. To tell her he would be late. Lemme tell you a scenario that happened to me. I had this babe who was pretty,big assed and everything. But she smokes and drinks. I never knew on time. When she came to stay with me for a week, na when kasala burst. She went out one day and came back oozing of alcohol and shisha. I was disgusted and yelled at her. She went mad. Raised her voice and was shouting my house down. Looking at her with disgust, I left her. She followed me around the house and hooked my shirt(which was a taboo where I come from). I never knew when I pushed her away from me and she fell on the bed. She came right back at me under the influence of alcohol and screamed she would kill me. For the first time in my adult life,I almost beat her but I remembered my strength and I knew I may seriously wound her plus the fact that she wasn't in her right senses and left her in the room, slept in another room.

Next day,she came to knock on my door and she was on her knees begging. I just smiled and gently told her to pack her stuffs and leave my house. She has been begging me since. I realised the logical thing was to let her go because a girl like that could potentially push me to beat her one day. Nobody would get my side of the story because I'm a man. Yet she came back drunk 3 times already,begged and I forgave her. The scenario I told you of, was the 4th time.

I know OP gave her a slap and he was wrong but she did wrong too by inviting her mum and brother,not to reconcile but to leave the marriage. Two wrongs never make a right.

You just said one thing i want to build on, no one stays out that late out of the blue, there is something the op is not telling us. Just like the other thread where the guy was manipulating the narrative i feel the op too is manipulating this narrative too.
For someone like me who is not a night crawler i doubt i will not be on my phone updating my partner of every single thing. The op is not telling it all.


Also i just want to say i would be very afraid of a man that makes me bleed in the height of a disagreement. I have seen rage, and its not funny. There are different types but there is the type that the only time they calm down is when they see blood ,either yours or theirs. Which is why i am very skeptical about the op. Contrary to what people think ,it can start at any stage of a person's life, more like a trigger hence the reason i said the op might hence forth feel physical assault is the quickest way to solve his problems.

Sammiejokes:
We don't have a sister with obvious anger problem or a spoilt brat. You choose not to assimilate where she was throwing her hand @ OP or where she turned to a dog barking, following him everywhere even when he left the room for the sitting room ( a sign of maturity). I do not support domestic violence and I do not pray to be in such situation.

oh well i guess you do have irresponsible brothers and violent beasts in your family like the op then, the ones who instead if calling their wives and informing them of the development of them staying out late will lock up, i am sure the wife must have be calling his phone and he refused to pick time he got home at 2 am, when he showed up at the door was smelling of alcohol, i mean the op didnt stay out late to be drinking coca cola or fanta ,lol. In a state of partial or full drubkeness he probably felt he didnt owe his wife any explanation and she didn't have the right to be upset,hence he kept ignoring her and when he couldn't bear the yelling he dicided to shut her up with physical assualt .

Vivonose:
Am so disappointed at response of most of the guys on this platform,how would u feel if ur sister reported this case to u,Do u expect the woman to smile at her husband for returning home that late,and to make matters worse,he even slapped her,
And you think it's wrong for the family to intervene,what if while he slapped her,she fell,hit her head on the ground,and died..
Pls we need to call a spade,a spade and change from our insensitive ways
Let him continue to beg,he is very very wrong

these ones here are willing to throw their own sisters under the bus to maintain their bro code just so you know.

luminouz:
Sweetie,I have seen it all. Why call myself alien if I dont know how the human mind works.

Unless the OP is a serial woman beater before or a sadistic narcissist, no sane man would feel any rush from slapping his own wife and mother of his child. Anyone can get angry and react violently, that's human nature. What is sick is to enjoy the violent act(in your case,the dopamine rush).

Have you heard of the term "blood boil"?that is a rush and its called adrenaline and it can become consistent with pattern of behavior.


I strongly disagree, so let me rephrase your comment "any one can get angry but not everyone reacts violently".

Lets even the steps that led to the back hand slap.

The op went out, it was getting late, a responsible man who is not in the habit of staying out late will definitely inform his wife about the development, i am sure they both have phones, i am assuming he should have called to let his wife know he will be staying out that late ,atleast if it were me i am sure i will be worried sick about my husband and be checking in every 30mins cos i personally hate staying out late, too many dangers lurking in the dark. If this aspect was sorted i doubt she will be that upset ,infact na gist for follow .


Now he came home ,she was upset,yes i know it can be difficult to calm a situation like that down,but instead of addressing it he decided to ignore ,wishing it will go away, when he saw it didn't work out he decided to use physical assualt.


This is the pattern i am concern about,that op ignored and switched to physical assault, until he learns to stop ignoring issues and seek for solutions before he looses his temper this pattern will continue.

luminouz:
Dopamine rush from slapping a woman?

Jesus Christ!
Where in hell do you girls get this bullcrap from?

It cant make sense to you cos you are ignorant of psychological patterns and circles of abuse.Ever wondered why an abused person will tell you their abusers were never like that, cos it starts a with like the op , a little back hand slap to face hand slap to blows and so on. She has done well to protect herself from further abuse and if the op doesn't work on himself ,he will likely degenerate into someone that resolves arguments with his fists instead of this words.

I am more concerned about the aftermath of this altercation ,you see the op has drawn blood, the pattern with abusers is it progresses. I am sure the op had a dopamine rush when he hit her and it has imprinted on his psychology ,the next time they have an argument he will likely see physical assault as the quickest solution. The op is now like a vampire who just had his first taste of blood and will keep looking for more.


If i were your wife i will take legal actions to protect myself from further assault before i return to live under the same roof with you.

saaron:
Fulani terrorist whom the tyrant defended so much as herders who only roam about with sticks engaged boko haram in a gun fight. The question is where did the so called ''Stick-only'' carrying fulani get the guns to engage boko haram in a gun fight? So fulani herders are the only group of terrorist unoficially permitted to hold guns in the presence of the military?
The blood of the innocent these terrorist took all over Nigeria especially the Middle Belt will countinue to haunt them all to their graves.
Bloody terrorist.

the bolded is a very serious question that begs for answers but na naija we dey, it will be over looked

Eva, that lady is good meh.

Beverlyjean Mindset is the key, people butcher a full human being and sell the parts for 1k in this country yet they still sleep soundly and go about their daily lives like nothing happened.


Tell her i said "na dick she fvck ,she nor kill person". A married man is the one bound by an oath to his partner,should the universe want to mete out punishment it should start from the married man. I know a man who boasts to anyone who cares to listen of how he married his wife a virgin but he is a community dick. So this how it will affect her is just superstitious nonsense. Men even cheat on wives they married as virgins these days.


Tell your friend to stop self sabotaging herself what you think about your self transforms in to the energy you send to the universe. Let her go for test to make sure she didn't contact disease from him.

Sounds like one redpill guy here is your husband . This one is no that you don't earn o ,its not up to him, he is on a dick meassuring competition with his wife,the part where he said your salary is for eating not for savings is really what a jackass would say.


Do you sis, but i wish you don't try to hide the kids from him,if he wants to reject them because you left him ,let him do that himself to their face(which he will likely do cos he sounds like an asshole). So in the future ,like that other guy ,you dont turn out to be pianted the villain who deprived her kids the fatherly love of her kids.

I have to pick rice like beans.long grian quality rice was written on the bag only for me to meet with strange black round stones with consistent circular shapes. Still trying to find out what they are cos they don't look like normal stones let me not even talk about the rotten grains everywhere,so many black grains,smh


Same price for foreign rice last year but for lesser quality of rice with black circular stones.smh