₦airaland Forum

When you put it like that, pretending is not always intended, it’s human nature to always want to put the best foot forward. Living with someone 24/7 gives you access to front row seat to ALL the person, warts and all.

stupidity:
Still doesn’t make sense. why someone will pretend just to get married and later reveal the devil hidden inside. I nor wan experience this thing o.

Because dating and leaving is different from staying and living for 24/7.

stupidity:
From your first sentence, are you saying people change after marriage? Revealing their true colors?

If people can court for months to around 10 years, professing heaven and earth to each other then why cant they stay together say a year to 10years after marriage? Most marriage these days end in months sef.

How can courting be “HEALTHY” then after marriage it becomes “UNHEALTHY” all of a sudden? I find it funny and provoking.

Well, most/some people ‘pretend’ a lot when they are courting/dating, it’s impossible to hide the real you in a marriage. Life is too short to endure a toxic marriage.

In a new Harper Bazar essay, Serena finally speaks on her outbursts at last year’s US open. She acknowledged that she owed Naomi Osaka an apology. So, she wrote a letter to Naomi, stating how tennis media tried to come in between two black tennis players. She also said Naomi replied and she cried when she saw her reply. Naomi thanked her for her role in more black girls showing interest in tennis, and how Serena is the only person she knows that stands up for what she believes in.

From the OP. Go read his post, it’s there.

PrincessNZ:
How is the original poster a misogynist?

To some of what LordKO said, you are NO different from the men here on NL. You are a misogynist with a smile doesn’t mean you deserve a cookie.

Magnoliaa:
I'm here....

liberalchick what's your type?

Gbeborun INTP! Also leaning towards INFP.

How are they wasting money? This is plain ol capitalism. Judging by the popularity of this show in Nigeria, I am sure this company will make their returns many times over, their ROI will be through the roof. I hope they used a Nigerian company.

AccessME:
This how Nigeria has been reduced to

wasting money unnecessary on frivolities

If you watched the the whole video then you would know the bolded is FALSE

Most people that have opinions online did not even bother to watch the video. You are either a COZA member purposely spreading fake news to damage her credibility or you just like to repeat what you see online without confirming its authenticity or you don’t care if it’s true or not as long as it confirms your bias.

It’s your opinion/view but if you are going to pretend to have an objective commentary at least watch the damn video.

Sydney17:
Let's look at this COZA-Busola saga from another angle!!!!
The same pastor that raped you, wedded you and your husband.
That same pastor gave you a car as your wedding gift...
You were still a worker in that church till date
You didn't complain
Now you and your husband left the church,
You regain your voice to speak out...
Most raped victims I Know always hated the men who raped them with passion, if they were given an opportunity to kill the man self, they will do it without thinking twice..
He raped you the first time in your house, no shout, no struggle. He disvirgined you and you quickly cleaned up the blood stains that proved you were a virgin so that your sister won't get to know about it.
He raped you a second time, the third time. His wife put to bed, you went to his house to greet the newborn baby, the pastor quickly had raped you again in his own house whereas the wife and maybe visitors that came to greet the newborn baby were present. You stood up, adjusted your pants and skirt, greeted the baby and went home...
Make we still dey reason for Nigeria oo, not because an influential pastor is involved, so it's true. If this pastor was to be a bricklayer, she wouldn't have come out to accuse him of rape.
I'm not saying rape is a good thing and I'm equally not saying the pastor is above mistakes because we are all humans and prone to making mistakes.
But, Haba!!!!! This is consensual sex to me and not rape.....
I have never been in support of these so-called Men and women of God due to their exploitative nature. But this rape allegation doesn't hold water at all.
Truth must be told, no matter how bitter it sounds. I don't know what Timi and Busola stand to gain in all these messes. They have just lost the respect most Nigerians have for them.
Both the Pastor and Busola are guilty.
I rest (KREST) my case, oya attackers, over to you. �������������� copied frm Instagram

This is a beautiful thread, a break from the constant woman bashing.

You sound like a good, supportive, loving husband. Your wife is lucky to have you. My husband and I are 16 years together too. Married for 12, dated for 4.

Congratulations! Wishing you more beautiful years with your lovely wife.

LewsTherin:
Not at all. Like hundreds of Kung Fu movies teach us, when the student is ready, the master will appear.

Just kidding.

But jokes aside, there is so much I have learned from my 16 years. If I tried to start writing, it will just lead to bored reading. But you have given me a lead, and I will run with it.



Fortunately, she isn't the garrulous type. I am an introvert and so is she. The problem isn't her talking too much. The challenge we face is in no one talking at all! So we have to make conscious efforts to raise topics for discussion. Talk about the kids, talk about the business, talk about the guy we saw crossing the road in funny shoes, anything. It also doesn't help that we have widely different interests. But we try to find something to talk about.

If by talking non stop you mean nagging, fortunately for me, she doesn't nag. I have made it clear to her though that the easiest way to put a man's back up is to nag and complain unceasingly. She's a good woman. She does her best. On my part, I do my best to keep her from needing to complain.




Considering that we run a business together, I fully understand if and when she's tired from a stressful day. Mostly because I'll be stressed myself. That's what restaurants were created for. Any day we realise that no one is going to have the strength to do any cooking, we stop by some joint or the other and get take out.

There is more to this though. We decided before we got married that we will have no live-in help in our home. (my wish, by the way). So we tend to share chores. Early in the morning, while she's bathing the kids, I make breakfast and pack the kids lunches. Many evenings, I do dinner while she prepares the kids for bed. It's not cast in stone. Sometimes we choose to have what only she can prepare. I help where I can.

But if she is just feeling lazy about cooking, well, I'm a good cook myself. She also tends to cook in bulk and freeze it. So it can be as easy as bringing a pack of soup out and making eba. Or stew and I prepare yam or potatoes or something. And where I can't be bothered either, there's take out. Dominoes. Suya and garri. Bread and sardines. Boli and groundnuts. Options art plenteous. There is no need to make a big deal out of it.



Now this one is a big deal. it can be a deal breaker if not handled properly. But we discussed this before we got married. Long and short, we decided that any issues concerning her family, she deals with it. Any issue concerning mine, I deal with it. But being the man of the house, it is almost always from my family that issues can arise. That's kind of like an African thing. So I set boundaries right from our dating days. If you have an issue with my lady, take it through me. If you think you can straight up bully her because she married your brother or son or whatever, be ready for my banana to fall on you. No joke. Within our first year, I head to tear eye for my elder sister. She didn't act out of malice, and I understand that. But she made my wife cry needlessly.

I guess I am fortunate in that my family is made up of basically sensible people in the first place. Her family respects me as well. So....



Like with in-laws, we discussed this well before we got married. Heck we discussed quite a lot. 8 weeks of premarital counselling will bring up almost every possible issue in marriage and give us time to discus and agree and how to address these issues.

First off, there is no "my money", "her money", "your money" and what have you. We have "our money". We have a joint account for savings and major expenses. At first she ran the budget but over time it became clear I was better at that, so I run the budget now. The bulk of our money lies in accounts in my name - to which she has access to the debit cards and knows the PINs. For mobile apps, my finger print, her finger print can unlock the phone and the apps. We also discuss every expenditure with each other before making it - at least as much as we can. So far, the only time we have money issues is when there is a general shortage of funds in the first place. It then is no longer a thing of who spends for what but more of what do we have to spend for what. The kinds are the biggest expense anyways so.....


I hope this helps.

I like how you people always give international examples as if our cultures are the same. Are rape victims in America treated the same way in Nigeria? Nigeria that rape carries a stigma, no girl wants to be associated with rape. Do Nigerian women behave like Western women? Are they as bold as Western women? Busola is Nigerian, the pastor is Nigerian, it happened in a Nigerian City/ Nigerian society. Can we have enough examples in Nigeria that proves Nigerian women overwhelmingly lie about rape, enough to assume that most rape cases are false?

LarryBee1k:
There is no female sex workers or even work colleague that have falsely accuse a man of rape? Or even the woman that is bitter only because you outsmarted her and next thing is she accused you of rape? Are this situation not happening in Nigeria?


According to law. If you can't prove shit. It means shit didn't happened. Even if it did. The state in which the ungodly act was committed, the legal age of consent is 16. That's why I said he may not be guilty.

But in my heart I want him to witness the full wrath of law if he's guilty and her also full wrath of law if she's lying.


This is example of how easy it's to accuse some of rape. Mind you it's a current issue. No investigation. Gbam. They are already disgraced in front of their colleagues, they've lost their driving job, they lost their respect. In a crazy place like Nigeria, they may be burnt or hit in the head with a giant stone all because of false accusation.

And who is responsible for him bouncing back? Nigerians. Today people made fun of those protesting in front of the church. Rapists have found a very comfortable home in the Nigerian culture.

thebosstrevor:
i was a member in the church and i am not surprised, their are evidences that pastor biodun sleeps with women in his church,many people are aware but cant take action,many top guys in that church also sleep with young women, one has been caught before, i wont mention his name, he was excommunicated, but i dont understand why the pastor wont step down and save his face, i believe he has dint his image for now, in 2-3 years, he will bounce back like nothing happened, that is the sad truth of the story.

Obviously, this rape case was 15 years ago, the state can never take it to court, they will never get a conviction. If we had a sane law enforcement, what they would do is look for a more recent case, with fresh facts and evidence. Men like these don’t change, there are still victims out there. Bill Cosby was convicted on his more recent sexual assault.

thebosstrevor:
Many of these pastors in Nigeria, are serial rapists and molesters, they sleep and take advantage of women and young girls in their church, they are hypocrites and do not practice what they preach,but then make another law for members while they commit atrocities and go free, anybody that rapes, if found guilty should be in jail but i doubt if this case will see the court.

Another timothy omotosho, if we were in a sane system, this COZA pastor would have been arrested and investigated

Go and watch the video it’s available for free on the internet.

chiedozie198100:
and the names of the pastors are....

Well we can never explain why some victims behave the way they do. Have you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? Even though it was first used for kidnapped victims, psychologists have started using it for other traumatic experience. Why do some young women that are raped at home still stay, sleep and eat in the same house with their rapist? Why do some kidnapped victims even if they have a way to escape remain with their captors? Humans use repression of traumatic events as a coping mechanism.

Nice try, you didn’t answer my questions though. Rape apologist.

after4:
how can you explain that she was in his church and even got married in that church, Mrs explainer, who officiated the wedding or approved of it. You think the pastor will not approve if not officiate the wedding of his choir master and that of one of his choir member? Try to be logical cos not everyone agrees with this your reasoning

OP, why are you posting an event that happened a month ago? Mods why is this on FP? Looking for anything to discredit the girl?

Did you watch the four part video? In one she actually named two pastors that came with pastor Fatoyinbo to beg her parents after she told them what happened. Why didn’t those pastors come out to say that never happened? I just watched the videos today, she actually told her parents and her brother tried to stab the pastor but other church members intervened. He never denied that part of the story, he just said he never had sexual relations with her.

I don’t know why parents forgive rapists but don’t even think of the victim.

P.S this is an old event. The date says June 1, 2019. If it’s not a typo then the OP is being mischievous.

Shalomc:
See the pesin wey people dey protest over o.... seems Fatoyinbo is innocent... The level of organisation and details involved is very suspicious

I see I hit a nerve. Rapist apologist.

maybachmusic:
Sharrrap

Go and donate to the fraud called busola



https://notinmychurch.ng/wp/donate/


Thieves

They might seem jobless to you, but not to hundreds of women that are rape victims and had to watch their rapists continue like nothing happened. At least this people left their comfort zone to protest something dear to them. You that you are in the comfort of your house typing on your phone, why don’t you start/organize a protest for the RCCG member and people will follow you?

maybachmusic:
When a member of Redeemed Christian Church Of God was beheaded while


doing the work of God, how many protested, when hundreds were killed in

both Kaduna and Benue, how many protested. Honestly I considered this so called protesters to be jobless opportunists who don't how best to channel their grievances.

Oh ok, cos I also heard my commentator say so lol

Cmanforall:
Yeah

Are you watching yours on Bein?

Cmanforall:
Commentator: Super Eagles are more than capable to turn things around.

What do you thing about this statement?

Rape can be civil and criminal. There can be civil recovery in a rape case.

Anyways, your write up and the whole rape saga has reaffirmed the reason why rape victims don’t speak up. Nobody wants to go though all this shaming and blaming. Now her children might not be Timi’s

If victims are going to be re-victimized they would rather just keep quiet and try and move on. What does that do to society? There is a rapist on the loose, prowling for his next unsuspecting victim. We make our society fertile ground for rapists. Who suffers?

TonyeBarcanista:
The rape allegation is criminal in nature not civil and can't be settled in-house!

freda506:
This one time, you didn't.

A paltry 6% of rape claims are false. To be more explicit, 9.4 times out of 10, women who claim to be raped speak the truth. How rape sympathizers like you manage to hang on to this 6% deficit anytime rape is a topic of discourse is beyond irritating.

And I'm sure your daughter is an angel. It is for this reason I pray she doesn't get sexually assaulted at any point, because with a rape sympathizer for a father it'll be too ugly a situation.

Your poorly thought out write up is littered with YOUR experiences. How on AlGore's internet do you think your experiences as a man in a patriarchal society like Nigeria is applicable to everyone?

Multiple women who don't know each other coming out, at great risk to their reputation, livelihood and dare I say life (giving the borderline deification Nigerians accord their pastorpreneurs), to speak out against ONE man is no coincidence. It is a pattern of harmful behavior that is too much to be ignored.

You need to step out of your bubble, sir. Many organizations already tackle other issues that bother women. We can walk and chew bubble gum at the same. We do not need directions from a pastor-worshipping, rape sympathizer with a limited world view.

Lastly, your opinion, foolish as it is, is no rarity. You have many other rape sympathizers on your team. You have, therefore, shaken no table. Get off your high horse, snowflake.

lol of course this is NL, what other country can it be? Yea, it’s not a crime to have advance knowledge of a crime. That’s why I said he needs a lawyer with him if he gets implicated, so he doesn’t get bamboozled.

netzro:
At bolded, does this apply to nigerian laws, seriously?

.

Why did they approach you? Usually thieves plan heists with people that will be beneficial to the heist. What was going to be your role before you backed out? Legally you are not required to report any advance knowledge of a crime, however if you provided any information that helped in the crime or hid any proceeds of the crime after the act, then you were aiding and abetting.

If you think they might squeal, I suggest you get a lawyer. It will be a very bad idea to go to the police when/if called for questioning without a legal representation. I am sure you are aware of the reputation of the Nigerian Police.

safarigirl:
My friend, this is not a one-off case

There are multiple accusations and all of these women cannot be liars. Neymar was a one-off, the scenarios are different

Fatoyinbo can be compared to Bill Cosby who had multiple victims. You should learn to be objective and reason properly.

How can only one man be accused of the same crime by multiple women? Do Ese Walters and Timi's wife attend the same school? Where do they know each other from? How can both of them, and more accuse only Fatoyinbo? Did they not see others like Adefarasin and Oyakhilome? Why are those ones not targets of rape accusers?

A lot of you have poor reasoning and it shows, when you make such inane comparisons.

It’s because most of them are rape apologists, they are just grasping at straws to explain away the rape. Now it’s “why didn’t she come out sooner?” This is from the same NL men that shame and blame rape victims when there is a front page rape story. They believe rape can only occur below age 12. Another one doing the rounds now is “women shouldn’t talk about rape because we commit abortions” madness.

Op, it doesn’t mean your wife is cheating don’t let NL ruin your marriage. Most porn are geared towards a male viewer, so most times the only female friendly porn available are lesbian flicks. So some women that watch porn, watch lesbian porn. Straight women are not as turned off as straight men are to anything gay. Now you guys need to have a talk on why she started watching porn, I suspect she doesn’t feel sexually satisfied.

Her saying “you are not doing it well” just means she is not getting any satisfaction from the way you ‘do’ it. You don’t need to be getting ‘it’ elsewhere to know when you are not sexually satisfied. Again, talk to her, ask her what she wants and why lately she is no longer as excited as she used to be. I will look for the article about female friendly porn, will post it when I see it.

Modified
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a61995/straight-women-lesbian-porn/

lol this is bullish!t how does a fertility hospital carry out a study about stamina during sex? what has low/high sperm count or motility got to do with stamina?

AntiBrutus:
But you see all these alfa males that won't allow us hear word.

Everytime "team foreign girls", this one na people wey never own IP for their life. Even to use am as ID card, let alone travel...

Last last, na to hook up with one lonely foreign grave for social media.

They will even marry billboard of white woman if you let them. #spits

I didn’t mean the “worst kind” in a bad way lol, I meant it as at the end of a spectrum. I understood what you were saying, I am a bad representation of my MBTI and people in my MBTI will probably stab me to death if I say anything negative about our shared designation. That is why I don’t really take all these personality tests seriously lol.

theButterfly:
I called it a diagnosis b/c upon discovering my MBTI, I was able to link my behavioral, thought patterns and difficulties to it - similar to how a healthcare provider links a group of symptoms to an illness. It wasn't a “diagnosis” in the literal sense of the word [which was why I stated that it's not an illness] but more like a “discovery” for me. I should've been more clear by saying “I discovered” rather than “I was diagnosed” to avoid confusion.

As to why I think it is the worst, I struggle with pretty much all the functions, esp. my auxillary and inferior functions: Fe and Se. If I say it's the worst I was referring to some of my struggles as an INFJ and how being an INFJ reinforces them and others I have. I will answer this question more extensively in my Diary soonest, along with my experiences with being an INFJ and why I think other types should be thankful. cc. GeniusWannabe

Yes, I'm very much aware that all types have their strengths and weaknesses. No type is better than another, but as an INFJ I would say it's the hardest personality type, perhaps b/c it's all I've ever known and INFJ depression is real.

Don't take offense to this but from your writing and response style, your statement that “I love it. I'm proud to be one” (INFJs don't toot their own horns) and you not understanding what I meant by it being the worst, I can tell you aren't an INFJ. I've studied the MBTI long enough to spot others easily. If I write on PersonalityCafe or INFJforums (both of which I'm a member of) that INFJs is the worst MBTI ever, other INFJs would understand me as well as show empathy. True INFJs struggle with many things, which other true INFJs can relate or at least, empathize with.

Smiles. I probably am.


Still typing...