₦airaland Forum

Beautiful! Well said. I love the part about the inner battle between what you love and what society wants you to love. In a society like ours, that’s one very strong battle.

pocohantas:
I don't think she is a bitter feminist, neither do I even think it has anything to do with the Nigerian/Nairaland definition of feminism.

She was just stuck between doing what society wants and what she loves.

There are so many married women in her shoes. If you want more and for some reason, marriage, kids, location (which was induced by marriage) or ANYTHING at all is stopping it, you will be angry.

I had a conversation of this nature with my friend recently. He said, "smart people want to learn. Otherwise they feel frustrated and unfulfilled. You need to seek out people like yourself...go to where you will be stimulated."

Men do not have much of these problems. They don't carry pregnancies, they don't breastfeed, they don't have to bother about living away from home.

Anywhere they transfer them, they carry their bags and go, while the wife has to work out how to come meet him there or live away from him (with the kids). Flip the table and people will ask her how much is that job that is worth her family.

If you have to marry, marry a man who recognises your passion and how much you want it achieved. Anything less and you will end up a bitter feminist, with an innocent child paying the price.

Congratulations!

...

Some people don’t marry for love but to check the box and raise a family. While some people marry for love and companionship, when kids come it’s a blessing which solidifies the love. A man that is already placing a condition to marry you, what happens to the marriage when she can no longer meet that condition? What if she gets pregnant, loses the baby after the wedding and suffers secondary infertility?

Some men want a wife, while some want a mare. The man is the latter. If she wants to go ahead and prove her fertility before the wedding, there is nothing you can do. However, she should know the man is not obligated to go on with the wedding if/when she gets pregnant. There are many stories of women who became baby mamas via failed wedding promises.

lol this book is actually popular amongst Scandinavian parents. I know this went viral some years. I guess different cultures. ( Scandinavian culture). They explained showing the graphics of giving birth reduces teen pregnancy.

Jacinthe:
Guys, this is soft porn for kids, not sex education.

The pictures of the man and woman in the act isn't necessary for them at all. It's the product of a twisted mind.

Don't be fooled.

Good. This is the only way they will get their money. CAF pays participating countries, they should give the players their money.

Yea maybe they can unite for a continental tournament but not for World Cup qualifications.

frankmoney:
oh nice ...I think north and south Americans should just unify and have one competition

lol it depends on the age of the child. Varying levels of Sex education is introduced from 3-15 years.

Wow 13 pages?!! bukatyne, you should be a mod on this section. Just want to add, for what is worth, I don’t think you are a misogynist. I have read and liked some of your posts that called out sexist tropes.

So you have conservative values, which is absolutely fine. However, you tend to judge other women by those values. Some of those values exists because of sexism and I get why some will say that makes you a misogynist.

Also, because you live by certain codes doesn’t make you a good or a bad person. Where your conservative principles end is where some other woman’s will start. Imagine a much more conservative woman invalidating your values and tells you it is her’s you should live by.

Ideologies occur on a spectrum, let men and women choose where they want to stand.

That’s my point, if we have to search for a word that covers both, then that should tell you men and women are not judged equally as regards to promiscuity. More proof is on this thread.

bukatyne:
Give me a word that covers both

now you are moving the goal post. I didn’t argue the merits or demerits of it. Was just stating a fact.

The bolded is statistically inaccurate.

Yes.

ThothHermes:
Pointing out exceptions is not a good way to advance your position.

It's only men with baggages of their own than marry prostitutes, pornstars, etc. There is always a compromise somewhere.
You WILL NEVER see a man who has everything going for him settle for those kinds of women.
NEVER!

Love dey see road.

Would you want your brother/son to marry such women?
There's your answer right there.

I didn’t say while they are married, that’s cheating. In this big world we live in, men have and will continue to marry a woman that has had many sexual partners.

Omoluabi16:
Which man will marry a woman who actively has multiple partners? NONE. Turn the tables, women accept and live with polygamy. Women marry men with multiple sexual partners.Medieval, middle age and current times..it has always been the same.

lol how is it a lie when this is literally some people’s realities right now? Have you never heard of a man marrying a prostitute? Because it is not something you would do, doesn’t mean another man will not do it. The world is huge.

Acidosis:
I love it when you lie to yourself with so much passion.

Confused at what you are responding to. She said society equally judges men and women that are promiscuous. I was pointing out the irony of her using ‘slut’ to also describe a promiscuous man.

Acidosis:
Slut is a derogatory word used ONLY for women who get paid for casual sex. Why do you detest the truth so much? Who are the women who hang around hotels and brothels all night? What about those migrating to Italy, Etc.?

Why can't you and your likes handle the truth? Is prostitution industry not peculiar to women, same way internet fraud is peculiar to men?

It’s funny you used the word “slut” slut is a derogatory word used ONLY for women.

bukatyne:
Well someone who loves sex with different partners is a slut.

Male or female.

Okay. Saying no will not automatically make it so. Validating doesn’t mean you are saying the choice is right or wrong, it just means you recognize and acknowledge someone else’s choice as important to that person.

bukatyne:
No

So how do you know it’s unnatural for a woman to be ‘licentiousness’? Why is it natural for men?

ThothHermes:
It's not natural for women to be licentious.

Is "liking sex" a synonym for licentiousness

I was replying another moniker to a question he asked. You can love sex and be content with having all your sex with one partner and you can love sex and want sex with different partners.

bukatyne:
What has liking sex got to do with multiple sex partners?

Nope that you respect your Muslim friend for accepting to be a second wife, is acknowledging that her choice exists and acknowledging that she has the right to make said choice. You just validated her choice. You don’t have to attend.

bukatyne:
If I don't insult my Muslim friend for becoming a second wife: that's respecting
If I attend that wedding: that's validating.

So the punishment for being a runs girl is death?

phenom666:
That gal na run gal.

Don't believe that rubblish that her sister the yerd.
That even not her real aged.

I don’t think you believe this to be true.

bukatyne:
Let's be honest.

Forget all these internet jargons from NL boys, where have you actually seen men praised for having multiple sex partners? In Nigeria, there are a number of things that men do not have access to until married.

Even guys I know are sexually loose still try to hide it in the midst of decent people.

Your conscience and training tells you what is moral or not.

Morality across societies and religions are also very very similar.

Tell him ok, that he should give you space to sort out this unstable relationship with him. Tell him he knows where to find you when he has sorted out his feelings, tell him what will be, will be.

Do not contact him or reach out to him, I know you are in love but you have to be in self preservation mode. If he decides to stay with his girlfriend, your emotions and time will be for naught. Focus on yourself, work on yourself, focus on your career/business, meet people. It will be hard in the beginning but time really heals. Please don’t waste your time on someone that may or may not love you.

Rachael30:
I told him to break up with his gf, he said he is still with her for now that he is in an unstable relationship but his feelings for me are real and that he never lied to me that I should try and be patient with him.

He also said he knows I want more and he wants us to be together.

So are you saying it’s not natural for some women to like sex?

ThothHermes:
Nature.

Are you trying to legislate nature

Fine. Some men can have as many sexual partners as they want and some women can love those types of men. Some women also love and want to have many sexual partners and there are some men that don’t care.

Acidosis:
...because women dislike virgin boys. The average woman do not want to marry a virgin. Women have made their choices by their attraction to high mileage guys. So technically, the average woman love a male prostitute.

Men have also made a choice. Do you want to change our choices?

What qualifies you to be the moral authority that tells women how to be decent with decorum? If you are secure in your morality and believe that there are consequences to every action/choice, then what is the problem?

bukatyne:
Is there any of my posts or threads that I denied women their rights?

Or is telling women to be decent with decorum an infringement of their rights?

If I tell men the same thing, would I be infringing on their rights?

Fine. Let other people set theirs too.

bukatyne:
The society do whatever they will.

I set my own standards and how I cannot stand uncouth, indecent and immoral ladies, I cannot stand the male version either.

Respecting people’s choice is validating it though. It means you recognize that someone will have another choice that is different from yours but you respect their rights to have it.

bukatyne:
Nowhere in the OP did the woman force women to conform to her standard.

There is a difference between respecting people's choices and validating them.

This is an example of a double standard, why are women shamed for having a high body count, but a man is not? Why would they be instinctively shamed? Would a man have same emotions?

Because a lot of people on this thread will not behave like the girls doesn’t mean some won’t fight and protect to have a society where these girls’ choices will be as validated as a man’s. You don’t have to participate in something to fight for the right for someone else to do it. That is how organized societies are built.

What are immoral behaviors? Who decides what is immoral or not?

bukatyne:
Funny.

A lot of people on this thread would not behave like the girls in the cinema in the first place.

They instinctively know it is wrong.

There is also a reason most people hide their body count when it is high: they are instinctively ashamed.

Same with other immoral behaviours.

How is the bolded an example of double standard? You said, we are celebrating the negatives or women only want to aspire to be the bad things that some men do. My response was the negatives were highlighted to explain the double standard in society. One rule for men and another for women.

There are many women that aspire and are actually astronauts, presidents, engineers etc. We can do both, call out the double standards and go on to achieve whatever goals we set for ourselves.

bukatyne:
@Bold:

I see alot of people talk about double standards on this thread.

Nowhere did the author say this type of behaviour is ok in men nor did she encourage it.

Infact to prove this, she said quality men are attracted to quality girls.

If this was reflected in your post, do you think we would be here 10 pages later?

You seem to think, respecting people’s choices = promoting/encouraging said choices.

No one is forcing you to accept anything, you need to just respect people’s choices. Humans are diverse, we are of different backgrounds and cultures, you can’t expect all to be alike.

We are also capable of discussing other issues, this is the family section and we can only discuss topics that are presented.

bukatyne:
I interestingly do not see myself as a conservative Christian because I do not even agree with some things in 'conservative Christianity'.

Everyone has the choice to do as they well; they should just be ready to face the consequences.

Once in a while, I discuss those choices with their consequences in my threads. I think it is the sexual choices that is causing an uproar. I have discussed quota system, working wives, over emphasis on the girl child, beauty in previous threads etc.

Is a woman free to be a slut? Yes. She can however not force me to see her otherwise or accept her slutty behaviour.

I find it funny that most of the people here would agree with the choices in my threads yet come here to promote negative choices without the consequences.

Because there are only 10 member nations in CONMEBOL, so to make 3 groups, they usually invite two countries from other regions. Last time was Mexico and one other country.

frankmoney:
Why is Qatar playing in Copa America ?

I don’t understand this Argentine team, they have lots of very very good players. This team could have been another golden era for Argentina. Compare Portugal, this team unlike the golden era of Pinto, Figo, Riu Costa etc have only 1-3 good players yet they are able to scrape together some wins in a very competitive region.