TheGidRedpiller:
My post got to front page yesterday, it's still in my profile if you want to re-live it.

Let me tell you something real quick, learn to count your blessings accurately, if you come out of a very warm and functional family, you are BLESSED beyond deserved! Some of us wished we never even surfaced because it's obviously better than having to go through what we are going through on the daily basis!!

I posted yesterday out of sheer ANGER, RESENTMENT AND VENGEANCE. I was insulted yesterday, of course, what was I expecting anyways Everybody just started emphasizing on the curse she was spewing at me and the fact that I do not have a choice but to be degrade myself to her every demand simply because she is my mother, but absolutely nobody paid attention to what I have achieved, I clearly stated out where I helped my immediate younger brother to good heights with his artistic processes!!

It looked as though my mother's curse on me was more important than the impact I'm making to everyone around me simply because she is my mother, I will not hesitate to add that I know all this support is very tagged to the fact that my mother is a WOMAN!! And as such, she should be more important than every other thing I have to say! Nobody cared about ME, my wellbeing, nobody even wanted to pay attention to the awful things she has done which I clearly mentioned too though, nobody paid attention to the fact that I helped my brother gather connections in the US, UK and currently INDIA, NOBODY!!

That's exactly what the world looks like gentlemen, if you are a man reading this, you should know the take aways you should do!!

Still Typing...

I'm sorry that you went through so much hurt and pains. Though the insulting names you called your mother was heavy, I understand you're hurt.
However, you need to be intentional in handling that hurt quickly. It's taking a bad toll on you.
I suggest you see a therapist fast to help you navigate the hurt and heal from it.
Also, no matter how hard it may be, you'll need to forgive your mother and the women that abused you. The forgiveness is for your own healing.
Most importantly, Jesus loves you and has asked that you come as you are. His peace awaits you. Give Him a chance in your life to shower His love on you and heal your hurt. Don't delay, speak to Jesus now.

May the Lord grant you His peace.

SugarPapi:
So... I'm 39/m, married with 3 beautiful kids. Wife and kids are abroad, while I'm gainfully employed here in Nigeria. This is my story -

I've always been a chilled introverted guy with almost zero worries. I'm committed to my work and my work is also committed to me, at least, I'm able to send a healthy amount to my wife and kids in the Queen's country, every month. As a 'Manchelor', this is my daily schedule - wake up, go to work, close late, get home, play PS, skype the fam, sleep, rinse and repeat.

I seldom have time for social media, but once in a while, I log into Facebook and IG to catchup with friends. This was the beginning of my dilemma.

December of last year, I was scrolling on my timeline when I got a notif. Someone had liked my picture. I clicked through her profile and saw this young pretty girl. Honestly, I did not exactly fancy her at first, but I reciprocated the like on one of her pictures and logged of to bed.

When I woke the next morning, she had followed me. I followed back and thanked her for the follow in her dms.

This damsel was around 6ft, pretty, fair and easy on the eyes. She did not have any revealing or tight fitting clothes on her profile so at the beginning, I could not exactly place her physique.

We started chatting that day and as satan will have it, one day, I got leave from work. It was an unfateful Friday so I invited her to a day out at The Palms. We ate , watched a movie then when I wanted to book a ride for her back home, she said she'd like to know my house.

Tbh, I thought this was quite forward and voiced it. I love my Wife dearly. I love my children as well. I would never do anything to deliberately hurt them so I turned down her offer and booked the ride. She stays at Yaba, I at LP1.

She entered her ride and I did not contact her again.

Well, hello next morning!

Her WhatsApp call woke me up. It was a Saturday so I was at home. We spoke at length, she thanked me for the previous day and told me to at least allow her pay me back. "This girl sef!" I thought to myself.

We got to know each other better across the phone in that singular call and I felt it in my soul that she was a genuine one... not an 'InMessage' girl. She was a student at UNILAG in her 300l, studying Accounting. She was a really homely girl, light spoken and very respectful.

It was not yet mid-day when her cab to my house was 10 minutes away.

She came in, looking like a queen. Jeeez! Remembering that day sends shivers down my spine. Thankfully, I leave in a building all to myself so there no prying eyes to call Mama omo SugarPapi in faraway Ireland. My security guy opened for them, she alighted and paid the cab herself. WAWU!

She came and hugged me, we held hands as I pulled her in. She had not fully entered my house when I swept her off her feet, our lips crushed together in intense canoodle. Her tongue was probing inside my mouth as mine hers. Before I could process what was happening, she went on her knees and I felt my soul leave my body.

By this time, I had still not seen her body, so I led her to my guest room and my God!

Brief history... before this day, I had always considered myself an 'ass guy'. Actually, the few guys I consider friends know me as an ass guy. I loved huge melons but 'the behind' gets me most of the time.

Dear NLers, this girl's bossoms where neither ginormous nor small. They were just the perfect size and they stood! My God they stood! Firmly in my face, begging, begging to be...

I'm a 39yo guy and I confess that I have never experienced sex like that till that day! She was so sensual, so soft, no rush, no wrong. She mounted and rode me that day till I came. It has never ever happened before... not even with my partner and my she can f*ck!

It took every fiber of my being not to cry like a child as she rode me with ease and finesse. It was not that type of riding where the girl tries to burst your kidneys or emasculate you. It was focused on just my shaft and its cap. At some point, I was afraid I will pass out.

I had to quickly pull her off me before I pass out.

We ordered some take out, went at it three more times and around 8pm she was on a ride home. I told her to send me her account for me to send her something for the weekend. She out rightly refused and also refused me paying for her transport. WTH?! Abi na mami water tins?

Well it's been three months now and I can't seem to let her go. I have never experienced sex the way she does it. I confess that I may be catching actual feelings for her. I see myself jealous when she receives a call from her male counterparts, she once showed me a video she made with her ex. I was so angry. When she noticed my demeanour, she came, sat on my naked groin and whispered in my ears - "he is in the past, THE PAST".

I have to come voice out my predicament because she is now taking space in my heart. I can't do this to my family.

Guys, how do I 'divorce' this girl?

These kinds of relationships are better not started in the first place. Boundaries should be set and maintained.

Also, It's not a good practice for couples to be separated for too long. It's not as if you're planning to relocate. It seems both of you settled with this arrangement. Your marriage will suffer.

To break from this, you must be sure you want to stop this relationship. Also, take more decisive steps to break free.
You have made your mind to believe she is giving you the best sex. Stolen waters seems sweet you know. The mind is the number one sex organ so channel your mind to think about your wife and the love you share (not just the sex). Think about your children and their development. Let your mind be engrossed with your family.

Finally, allow God to guide you. Repent, ask God for forgiveness and tell Him to help you.

HenryIgwe01:
My name is Henry, 27 yrs old. I am new here, it was my younger sister who introduced me to nairaland. She is a member here.

Brilliant and intellectual minds are here so I believe you people can help me with an advice because I am so depressed and I don't know who to talk talk to about my depression.

I'm a stammerer, a chronic and dreadful one at that. I can repeat an initial word like forever before I could complete my statement. It has made me hate my life and existence. I have a very low-self esteem, I can't express myself, I can't even approach a girl not to talk of being a relationship because I'm afraid of being mocked.

I'm a graduate in accounting education from AAU. I have always dreamt of becoming a lecturer/teacher. I'm smart and intelligent, I love to impact knowledge but I can't express myself. It's a big disability for me.

Back then in University, when i went for my teaching practice, the first day I taught in a classroom, I sense an undesirable atmosphere. I knew the students were trying to laugh but they respected their selves. When I got home, I locked myself and I cried.... But life goes on.

I graduated 2017, I went for nysc 2018. Since then my life has no bearing. I have not achieved anything. I feel inadequate despite I read a lot and I'm intelligent. It pains me I can't communicate to impact knowledge without stammering.

My father is making it worse for me, he compare me with other guys, he has never appreciated any thing I've done for him, he talks down on me. He finds fault in anything I do, he talks as if I created myself.

My mom and siblings are the reason why I haven't committed suicide. They encourage me everyday, especially my mom who is sick now.

I prefer to be completely deaf and dumb than for me to talk and not be able to express myself.

God is not perfect. If God was perfect, he would not have created some people with disability or deformity. Some people were born crippled, deaf, blind etc.. And you wanna tell me God is perfect? He's a partial and sentimental God. I try to understand his vision but all I see is damages.

Please I'm so depressed. I need advice.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm trying to understand your situation and I can see why you're downcast.

First off, though you're feeling bad, you could still construct such a beautiful written script. That shows you're gifted in writing.

If you're not able to pass on knowledge by speaking, you could do so through writing. It was quite easy and interesting to read because of your smooth construction. Look deeper into writing contents that you're comfortable with. You could also write books.

Reach Iralife to teach you about Amazon KDP publishing to publish your works and/or publish for others as well. That's a skill you might be interested in.

This just means you could look inward and discover why you're here. You have a purpose for being here. Please don't kill yourself.

Many parents do not understand how damaging their words and conducts are towards their children. However, we need to realise that they do not know better. That will help you pay less attention to the negatives so you don't get more depressed.

Concerning relationships, I believe you will find someone who would love you as you are. People marry others with varying disabilities and live happily. You will find love when it's time.

You could search online for ways to help you improve in expression as a stammer. There should be materials geared towards that.

Finally and most importantly, God loves you so much. He understands that your last paragraph is the limit of your knowledge of Him. He has great plans for you. Open your heart to know Him more.

You can follow us for more contents that will surely benefit you.

May the Lord meet you at the point of your need in Jesus name.

If you need to talk more, you could send a PM.

Take care Henry. God bless you.

bestme:
Hello, nairalanders in the house, pls I need your sincere advice in this matter.

I have known this lady I really want to marry for over 2 years now. Though our friendship have been a casual one. The issue is she told me she is a graduate and then i visited her house over 2 years back I met her mom and she asked me where I came from- my tribe and if I am a graduate and told her my tribe and yes I am graduate.

She said she wants her daughter to marry a graduate because she has done her best to train her school. It was of recent we started a serious marriage relationship and I told my pastor and we both met with pastor already.

It Is now she told me that she did not graduate that she was unable to pay school fees, though she went up to 500level and did I.T but her parents only paid 100 and 200 level school fees. She said she has no result/certificate. I told her am honestly disappointed for hiding this from me ever since and she said it is because I have not really made my intentions know to her.

One of the reasons I like her was being a graduate and I have not dreamt of marrying a non graduate.

Pls your sincere advice.

Hmmm... It's not justifiable to lie about that fact because you hadn't made your intentions known.

It's normal to begin to think, 'what else is she lying about?'

It's okay to desire to marry a graduate...not too high an expectation.

So, apart from this issue, do you think there are other things she's hiding from you? Begin to ask more thorough questions.

If you're sure there's none, would you be able to go on with the marriage plans? Would this affect your relationship to the core? Would this affect your dream deeply? Can it be overlooked?

Generally, is she a person you would really want to spend the rest of your life with? How's her personality and character?

Take time to think through and pray about your decision.

May the Lord guide and direct you.

envoymedia:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CXgB3cRN1qR/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

It's not love. He's obsessed. He needs a therapist fast.
If he marries her, there will be a repeat for whatever flimsy reason and he may not survive it that time.

It's so sad that many feel sex should be part of a relationship which isn't marriage. Why?
What informed this wrong notion?

Sex is only for the married. If you want to have sex, then get married.

absingle:
There lot of quack doctors in lasuth I lost my mom due to quack doctor three month ago am still in pain

Oh! So sorry about that. Take heart. It is well

bobontop:
My wife is fond of kissing my 6months boy in the mouth. I personally don't like this and I have told her to stop it but she refused.

This issue in causing a serious argument in my home and I want to take a serious action since she has refused to stop it.

Please I need advice from experienced parents.

I was abused sexual as a child by a cousin staying with us and there are cases of incest around me. I don't want any of this to happen to my son.

The teenage girl staying with us always sees my wife kissing my son in the mouth and I am afraid she my copy it and start doing it.

Please am I wrong? Am I over reacting? Is it a normal practice? Please advise me.

For medical reasons and health of the child, it is not advised to kiss a child on the lips. Probably you should study about this and bring to her knowledge.

I'm sorry you went through abuse. You're still hurt. You need to heal. This is making you to take it more seriously than you should. You need to talk to a therapist.

May the Lord grant you the wisdom to navigate this issue and heal you perfectly from within.

DejiPlug:
Godspowerproject

Every September 27th is world Bishop David Oyedepo day

Ministries and evangelists all over the world show love to Living Faith founder as he turns 67.

Bishop David Olaniyi Oyedepo celebrates his 67th birthday today, September 27, 2021
The founder of the Living Faith Church also known as Winners Chapel is marking his 67th year on earth.

The Living Faith founder is also receiving a lot of birthday love and best wishes from ministers, evangelists, church members and social media users from all over the world. Here are some of them:

In celebration of the occasion, members of DavidOyedepomin on Instagram are set to present a short documentary titled “The Man”. More details coming....

“Happy birthday to God’s servant Bishop David Oyedepo. We celebrate God’s favor and faithfulness over your life. There is no doubt that the hand of God is upon you. We pray for fresh grace and strength as you continue to run your appointed race, in Jesus name. Congratulations sir”.

Join us as we celebrate our Father today
BishopOyedepo@67

Happy Birthday great man of God. We celebrate you. More grace Sir. Cheers

Deltafynest:
I have been dating this girl for more than a year now. We have been committed even with travails here and there sometimes.

I'm a student, she also and she's an orphan. My intention boarded on the idea that she would understand me knowing fully well where i was coming from.

Every week, i began to discover new stuffs mostly on the ground that she has slept with all categories of people in the past including cripple, pastor, someone she's older than, and even her uncle, her former boss too and her boss's brother. Even with all these revelation i was still willing to stay with her. There are secret stuffs that i can't share online about her.


Her ex boyfriend has been a bone in the neck since the start of this relationship. He didn't want to let go so i learnt and the girl has expressed total hatred on the guy. She doesn't even want to hear his name at all.

So she recently travelled and was calling me. One day, she called me that she has something to say, she said she would come to town to tell and because of the intrigue i was able to get her to talk on the phone. She said she has slept with the ex boyfriend since we started the relationship.

Now the main thing is, a pastor once told me that my gf's glory was used for rituals which we suspected the dude being that they dated for over 9 years plus and she was certain it was the guy due to some factors which i can't say.

Things hasn't been easy whenever she is around me mostly when she spends time in my house. Things will just go bad and terrible, doors will just close...

So, when she told me about the guy. She said she did it because she was looking for 20k. I was angry because the period she said she took the money, i remember i had $4500 sent to me and she never asked me for any money.

The matter has been on ground and i have been so pained since cos i know she must have done it with someone else too.

So i travelled to Portharcourt to see her today from Warri even though i was short on cash and had to raise the money to see her. On getting there we trashed the matter out and her sister said i should forget the past so that we can move on. I agreed, i was already getting tired of her shenanigans, so i decided not to be used by this id#ot again. The bit*h even mentioned that the guy has been disturbing her life with calls to come back.

I took the guy's number and called him like a guy man. We have actually related in the past before so we needed no too much introduction. The guy said they are not dating but he is only having time with her and that she would call him to ask for money almost all the time. This girl never told me she was looking for money and i refused. I have always tried my best for her.

After talking, i and the guy agreed to just use her. The guy said i should not take her serious and should just enjoy myself with her. That whenever she go back to town i should call him to take over from that side. So i agreed.

Bit*h will be shocked if she thinks i will take her serious. We will just useless her for years and waste her time. If you see the way we agreed to use her ehn, you will know the hatred is real.


Don't trust these girls.

Two wrongs can never make a right Bro. Remember, what you sow, you will reap.

It will be better you just cut off the relationship with her and retain your dignity.

As it is now, you're planning for your own downfall if you don't know. The devil dey make you believe say na better plan. No mind am o.. She go reap her own, you sef go reap your own.
Fall for this temptation to your detriment.

A word is enough....

TheDemola:


https://edition.cnn.com/2021/09/14/asia/cho-yong-gi-yoido-megachurch-death-intl-hnk/index.html?utm_term=link&utm_medium=social&utm_content=2021-09-14T07%3A15%3A07&utm_source=twCNN

Cc lalasticlala Mynd44

Rest in peace great man of God.

Juliusdaughter:
Let me just start somewhere
Growing up as an introvert was difficult cos I guess my mum didn't understand my quite personality, she talks about how I am not 'sharp' how I am not fashionable and whatever else she cannot really relate to. I am in my mid 20s now and she still insults me when she is in the mood.
It's funny how I am the only child she insults so much, I am her first born. I left my former work place due to Corona last year and I've been home since. I have trained as a tailor tho I don't have a shop or customer base yet.

She insulted me tonight again for cooking dinner late, she said why should I finish cooking dinner by past 7? Called me names and all that. Its been over a year that she went to the market last because I now do that, I make breakfast and dinner, I don't keep late night, I barely go out, yet she finds reason to talk me down.

She has started to insult my fiancé now too, she says he is poor and cannot take care of me, what has he achieved for himself? And the reason she isn't much against us is because she doesn't know if he will have money tomorrow. He isn't even jobless, it's just unfortunate that government don't pay their workers on time.

I don't have a single emotional connection with her, I have tried and I have failed. I think it's time to move out of the house and start my tailoring business. I don't have the finance to rent a shop and a house separately, so I want to rent a room and parlor and make it both my living and work space. Is this a good move? I cannot function properly in this house anymore.
How do I build my customer base from working in the house?

I'm sorry you're going through these. I feel your pain. For your mental health, you would have to leave but don't do this grudgingly. Do it because you need the space to focus on yourself and your work.

Also, try to forgive your mum. It's actually for your own good. You'll have better peace of mind to forge ahead.

The truth is she is hurting as well. We can't place the reason from your write-up but let's take a wide guess. Do you look like your Dad? What happened between them? Was it due to your pregnancy they got married? You might not have all the answers but know that she's hurting too but doesn't know how to deal with it. So please, forgive her.

You really do not need a shop. Sew from your house. Once you've gotten the house and started your business, join Facebook and WhatsApp trading groups. Advertise your products and you'll get customers.

May the Lord guide you.

LoydJ:
STAT 101, it was way back then In my 100L day's I sat @ the front seat in The exam hall I was forming Holy Holy and Mr Born again,I saw the questions but couldn't answer them nd my colleagues where teaching themselves nd using Expo a friend even volunteered to help me Out but I ignored him,mumu felt it was a sin,but when them Paste results omo Na Big "F" I see for Board oo.

Put the blame where it should be Bro. YOU DIDN'T READ THAT'S WHY YOU FAILED. It wasn't because you were forming holy Holy. If you read or asked for help before the exam, you go pass.
It's irresponsible to blame something else for your failure. Own it joor. At least, na past tense.

Candidlady:


Can't really place. A finger on what am lacking...

Am not lacking money... Not lacking shelter not lacking food but I still feel empty


You might not get what am trying to pass across

What you're lacking is love, the kind that only Jesus can give. Jesus loves you and He has His arms open wide telling you to come just as you are. He won't condemn you in fact you're one reason He sacrificed Himself. He loves you that much. You are valuable to Him.

In the confines of your room, call on Him today. Shout it loud, 'Lord Jesus, help me. Reveal Yourself to me. I have come just as I am. Please, help me." ������

He will come through for you with His overwhelming love and help you to also love yourself rightly to be able to quit any habit that is damaging.

You can send a PM for further discussions. Take care and always remember that Jesus loves you.

Spontaneous007:
Good evening my fellow nairalanders,

I hope you guys are safe and sound wherever you are?
Please let's continue to be watchful.

Today, I saw death with my naked eyes.

It all started around some minutes after 4 when we heard gunshots fired into the air. I was at work at that moment and we had to stop everything we were doing and move out immediately. Though before today, we were warned that there will be cults clash in Ojota on the 7th of July because that day was known to be the aiye confraternity day.

My boss volunteered to take us home in his car and drop us at the nearest stop to our house. On our way, the atmosphere was tensed and everyone was running helter skelter. We could hear sporadic shootings Faraway. When my boss dropped us at our nearest bustop, I amd my colleague took a bike going to our street. On our way down the street, a police bus hit our bike so hard that we fell to theground. They shot at us but we had gotten to the ground before the bullets could get to us. My colleague was badly injured but I wasn't. Though I was the must vulnerable because I was sitting behind him.

They pursued us thinking we were cult members. Omo come and see race ... I never know I could run so fast. I threw away my phone and bag... I later went back to carry it after they left. Thank God for life.

Praise God for your life. May God keep on keeping you to fulfill His purpose in Jesus name.

udoji2021:
I have been thinking about this lately and decide to share it here. Don't get me fellas, I'm a Christian and believe in God and his son Jesus Christ

BUT

It is believe that God created the world and knows what happened before, what is happening presently and what will happen later till the end of time. This brings me question on why he allowed Satan to decieve man, why was he also angry since He knew beforehand of what will happen? Then the consequent punishment, was it really justified?

The most confusing part to me now is life after death. I personally believe that there is heaven and hell right from my childhood days until one guy (Jehovah witness) told me that there is nothing like hell, he went on that even heaven is for a specific number of choose people and not for everyone, above all, he said that when one dies, your own is finished and you are not gonna go anywhere. Simply put, your body and spirit will die.

I nearly insulted him for spewing such rubbish but many years after, I'm beginning to think think twice about this issue.
Now, imagine suffering in this life for all the days of your life only to meet death (body and spirit),

My question is;

1) why not just enjoy your life even if it means doing bad things to enjoy life?
If you can't enjoy life, why not kill yourself and rest to avoid the sufferings?

2) Even if there is life after death, what if there is no suffering cos God may decide to give everyone peace after death.

3) Those that didn't hear anything about God, what is their fate?

4) which of the scriptures is to be trusted?

May God forgive my ignorance if what I just wrote is bad and punishable.

Hello Bro. I understand how you feel. I have also felt similarly at some points having many questions to ask and seeking answers to same.
I have found out that all the answers to these questions are in the Bible and the HolySpirit will help us discover them when we ask sincerely.

God is not against your asking questions. Don't feel bad about that. He loves you and wants to have a closer walk with you. I believe that's the reason you want to know more: you also desire a closer walk with Him.

Would you please follow our page on Facebook @LifePortConnect then ask your questions. We will be able to guide you on the answers you seek as the Holy Spirit helps us.

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

Exactly my thoughts. He should have presented it like his own thoughts seeing that it was reasonable, saves cost and he aligned with it.

Op, she is feeling threatened that you might be a Mummy's boy, taking any suggestion Mummy gives without consultation with her and sincerely, that would be disastrous in a maariage.

Now, make her realize that your main concern is about the finance seeing that you would spend less if done that way. Also, help her see that you are budgeting so and so amount which might be exceeded if you do it in different locations. Also, let her know that you're saving for the marriage itself.

lalasticlala:


https://twitter.com/giggybit/status/1394316286084190213

Is it not the aunty that could do this, that should be termed a witch?
Lord have mercy.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

Bros, you didn't do well o. You would have taken time to develop a friendship and also heal properly. You have clearly not healed.

Hmm...you foisted an unknown woman on your family because she was nice to your children? You are still using your children as an excuse. This is not good at all.

Just 3 months after your wife's demise? If na woman, dem go say na she kill her husband. Ha! You no try.

Anyway, apologize to her for taking advantage of her ( yes, you did).

Let her know that you really appreciate her and all she's been doing in your lives.

Then let her know that you would need some time and space to consider your relationship properly so you can bring her in properly (if you so decide).

Also place emphasis on the fact that it won't be good for her image for her to keep staying with you without a proper marriage and it may also affect her children's image negatively.

She seemed to have schemed all this and you fell for it. Well, you might just have been vulnerable but it's quite dangerous.

Receive wisdom and comfort from the Lord. It is well with you.

Rosement:
I'm a virgin, I don't want to have sex until my wedding night. I'm a Nigerian but my bf is a white guy, he told me he loves and he wants to marry me but he wants us to start having sex while we are dating. I tired of breaking up for this same reason. What do I do?

My dear, you would greatly regret if you give up now because he might just dump you thereafter. You will be more heartbroken. If he can't wait, he doesn't love you enough. Love waits.

He promised to marry you why not hasten the process already? See your family, get to the registry and finalise. No too much stories or large gatherings.

I hope your decision to wait is because you want to please God and obey His commandments? If so, pls hold on to that decision. God will reward you richly.

Please do not give in to pressures. May the Lord help you.

greatcrown:
I think you have pride issue. You better call her afterall she was not ashamed of you when she saw you. Call her talk to her about what you do if she could recommend you for job. God will not come down to come and answer your prayer but He will use your network.

Exactly ashybabs. Take note of this. What if God brought her your way for a purpose?
I understand the feeling but note that your identity is not in your acquisition. That has helped me a lot.
Shalom

Spiritfun:
I have a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman. She's a complete spec of all I ever wanted in a woman. She's extremely beautiful, kind, supportive... She doesn't hesitate to buy me gifts even in her moment of lack.

I'm convinced beyond all doubts that we're SOULMATES. Our love story is very interesting and we're truly in love. Time will fail me to discuss US in this thread.

However, we both agreed mutually to have sex only after we're married but she has a very ugly memory that's hunting and hurting her emotions so much that we really need find a solution to it before it causes us a great damage.

MY FIANCÉE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AT A VERY TENDER AGE BY A RELATIVE WHO LIVED WITH THEM. She was molested uncountably by this monter of an Uncle who took advantage of her who found pleasure in defiling a primary school pupil.

I've tried so much to counsel her but somehow, I still believe she's not totally free from that trauma. I was a victim of sexual abuse, as well but I found the courage to heal on time but my Fiancée is still battling with this horrible experience.

I hate to see my woman in pains cos I truly and genuinely love her.

I Need help urgently on how best to help my woman heal from this ugly encounter. Please, anyone with practical experience should advise me on how to handle this situation and save my fiancée from this trauma.

Mods, kindly help me reach a wider audience.

She should see a therapist who would take her through the process of properly healing.

If she would prefer to book online sessions, I could recommend.

It is well.

*Focus for Daily Personal Reflections/Devotion for Friday 29th January, 2021.*

```Focus/Reflection:``` If God’s plan to overcome the law of sin and death is through the love act of death and resurrection of Jesus, then that is how we too will overcome it in our lives. (John 3:16; Colossians 3: 14)

*Notes/Prayers:* Dear Father, help me to focus so much on your love until it becomes my life’s standard. So that I may overcome the law of sin and death thereby.

*Focus for Daily Personal Reflections/Devotion for Thursday 28th January, 2021.*

```Focus/Reflection:``` We must become love, the way God conceives it, because that is who we are meant to be. Being anything less is limiting our life’s value. That is who God expects us to be(Romans 8: 29 – 32).

*Notes/Prayers:* Dear Father, please help me to see and know love the way you do. Help me to become love in all aspects of my life.

*Focus for Daily Personal Reflections/Devotion for Thursday 28th January, 2021.*

```Focus/Reflection:``` We must become love, the way God conceives it, because that is who we are meant to be. Being anything less is limiting our life’s value. That is who God expects us to be. (Romans 8: 29 – 32).

*Notes/Prayers:* Dear Father, please help me to see and know love the way you do. Help me to become love in all aspects of my life.

*Focus for Daily Personal Reflections/Devotion for Wednesday 27th January, 2021.*

```Focus/Reflection:``` Agape -the actual word for love used in the bible (NT) is deliberate, intentional and something that we humans can’t achieve except we receive “the power to become the sons of God.”

*Notes/Prayers:* Father in the name of Jesus, I receive the power to become love just like You are love. Help me to stay committed to this process of becoming love just like You.

*Focus for Daily Personal Reflections/Devotion for Tuesday 26th January, 2021.*

```Focus/Reflection:``` If Jesus Christ could become the exact image and representation of God, that is who He wants us to be too. We must make this our goal. Hebrews 1: 3

*Notes/Prayers:* Dear Father, help me to always set Jesus as my life’s ambition. Help me to grow into becoming like You just as Jesus is.

*Focus for Daily Personal Reflections/Devotion for Monday 25th January, 2021.*

```Focus/Reflection:``` We must consciously make becoming love our life’s goal because God, in whose image and likeness we are created is love. 1 John 4: 7

*Notes/Prayers:* Dear Father, help me to never be distracted from becoming like You. Help that every day of my life, I become more like You.

Becoming Love – The Reason

Beloved, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God’s love was revealed among us: God sent His one and only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. And love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that
He loved us and sent His Son as the atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1John 4: 7-10 (Berean Study Bible).

You are welcome to another episode in this series, Becoming Love. As we have discussed earlier, the focus of this series is to help us set a tone for the year, with emphasis on who we become, rather than what we possess. Last week, we discussed about the Standard of Becoming Love, where we are reminded of the pure, selfless and undeserving nature of God’s love towards us humans. Today we will be interacting on why we should become love.
Why should we even bother to become love?
†Love is an important ingredient in the making of man. When man was created, it was important to God that they were created in His image and after His likeness. This goes beyond just in appearance it includes in essence. God’s plan for man is for man to grow to the point of perfect oneness in essence and form. This includes in
becoming love. At the moment, we are not yet there.
At creation, what God has in mind is a set of people who will grow beyond just their created human form, into the Godly nature of life
and love. This is perfection. At creation, man was innocent not perfect, that is why he could fall to the wiles of the devil. Perfection would mean having the quotient of life, love and light that God
possesses. Jesus was said to have this amount of life in Hebrews 1: 1-3, after his love sacrifice of coming to the world in human form, dying, and resurrecting (Philippians 2: 5 – 11). Therefore, a major aspect of becoming like God is loving, and we cannot be like God without becoming love, just as the Father and Christ.

At birth, all humans are imbued with this seed of love (John 1:9). This seed will germinate to fruition and full-blown expression of God’s life when we expose it to the right conditions.

Why then must we become Love?
‡God is Love:
An important expression of God’s nature is love. That is what inspires everything that he does. Psalms 136. All His acts, words,
and reactions…EVERYTHING is coloured in love.

‡That is who we are meant to be:
God’s desire is to see us become like Himself, and everything that He is investing in us is aimed at achieving this feat. Anything that comes from God is made with love as the constant ingredient. We fall short of our potentials when we fall short of love’s requirements. That is who the Godhead is, and who we are expected to be (Romans 8:29 – 32).

‡It is a major tool for overcoming sin and death:
TO put an effective end to the reign of sin and death among humans, God used LOVE (John 3:16). If He overcame sin and death with love, that is the only tool that we too will use (1Peter 4: 8 and Colossians 3: 14).
The enemy knows these above things and that is what He comes to attack the most. He will do anything to create division, and to relegate love to the background in deciding our life’s motivation.

All these show and establish the standard for us as we go through the process/journey of Becoming Love.

Without the process/journey of “Becoming Love” in 2021and for the rest of our life, we would not be ready to step into the fullness of what God has for us to accomplish and acquire. God’s love remains the standard for us. Take out time throughout this week to marinate over God’s love for you.

*Focus for Daily Personal Reflections/Devotion for Saturday 23rd January, 2021.*

```Focus/Reflection:``` Without the process/journey of “becoming love” in 2021 and for the rest of our life, we would not be ready to step into the fullness of what God has for us to accomplish and acquire.

*Notes/Prayers:* Dear Father, help me to always take delight in the process/journey of “becoming love” that my life will become the expressions of Your love