₦airaland Forum

Sazzy07:
The father is late

Sensing behavioural health issue(s) in their mother.

OP, is their father not in the picture?

Poloyanabo2:
Bullshit!
Family court?
When i won't do a court marriage?

You don't need to do a court marriage to be a party in a family court case, even those who only married traditionally, when issues arise concerning the child(ren) between them, the family court has a say.

My cousin based in Lagos and married traditionally (no registry) and just within 3 years of marriage, the marriage ended and wife moved out with their daughter. My cousin was regularly visiting his daughter where she was staying with her mother until one day he took her away without the child's mother knowing, only to show up with his daughter in the village in Imo state for her to stay with his mother.

The ex-wife reported the case to Social welfare and the family court issued an order which was lodged with the Lagos state police command that sent a signal to Imo state police command to arrest my cousin and get the child. He and his mom were arrested in the village and taken to Owerri alongside the daughter who was then reunited with her biological mother. Police brought my cousin and his mum who was regarded as an accomplice down to Lagos, if not for the alternative dispute resolution the family court applied, my cousin would have ended up in jail. Now he makes provisions, visits his daughter, gets her to spend some weekends at his place without the ex-wife fearing he would disappear again!

Coder2Client:
If am still older than her, there is no need to raise an eyebrow over that. Your case is similar to that but you tend to be too much concerned about it. What I sensed in you is, you have other things that you suspect about your husband which makes you think he's hiding something about himself to you.

Which husband, do I look like the OP?

Like someone mentioned earlier, it is about credibility. It is not just about the difference between 6yrs and 10yrs but going forward, raised eyebrows- skepticism.

She has to process it at her own pace and find a way to move on.

Coder2Client:
What's your problem about 6 to 10 age difference. You better get sense and face your marriage.

If after 8 years of marriage your wife tells you her real age, what would be the likely emotion(s) you would feel/express?

Poloyanabo2:
A woman i paid bride price on do not have the right to leave with any of my Kids...

It is not about you nor the woman, the family court would decide what is of the best interest of the children, so it is not by bride price.

amuwo1980:
What if the man have genuine reasons to believe that kid is not his? I know u ladies have legitimatized waywardness but not every man can cope, I know her story is not the whole truth because those eyes are attractive and reason enough to fall for her

What has now made him believe those kids are his?

Omoluabi16:
The man did no own up to anyhing, so we dont know who to believe yet. More like a He did.. she di..But either ways the man sef wan tap from the blessing

It is all about tapping from possible windfall o.

Omoluabi16:
Hope she gives her husband a second chance sha. As she dey cash out now e for good make she dey smart about it. Only God know where olajumoke dey. Make she no turn to little success wey come dey rant.

Does the husband want a second chance because he has realized the errors of his way or e wan follow chop when money drop?

Only a foolish man abandons his children because he hates their mother. Uncle don show up incase of incasity

Both should raise funds and conduct DNA tests.

The "preacher" is schizophrenic as he reflects spiritual delusions for he is convinced that the married man who was having sexual relationship outside his marriage was not committing adultery rather it was the side chick that was fornicating.

Oluwapluto:
It's so serious bro
She is also trying her best but she is powerless
I don't want to spill it out to my father cux that means more n more wahala

Tell your father the truth, is he a deity that can not be approached?

xynerise:
I know there is a way out but look around you, we have so many obese kids, especially the rich people

Though obesity can be hereditary, permissive parenting is also behind it as some parents of these obese kids finds it difficult to say NO to their kids' request for unhealthy food nor are they intentional in addressing their sedentary lifestyle.

xynerise:
That was my first question. So it is possible to be born obese? And can't that be controlled as the baby grows up?

Reduced screen time, exercising and diet modifications would help the child lose weight.

Kissiemu:
Is this a fire truck or trailer bringing onions from Benue?

More like Bedford truck for conveying sand!

OP, don't give the impression that poverty make people more humane as being mean or generous resides in the hearts of both the rich and the poor.

truthsayer009:
LMAOO! this your I won’t leave immediately sounds like you'd kill your husband first, then leave

The " I won’t leave immediately" should make a man tremble convulsively because something is "cooking".

A broken home is not just only when a couple have gone their separate ways, it is also when they are under the same roof but toxic.

Some women use their children as an excuse to remain, to cover up their fear of their inability to provide, re-establish their identity etc.

A toxic family setting is more likely to groom children who would become dysfunctional adults

Who the boy will know as his father, is the one he has been living with in his formative years. We don't decide when to show up in our child's life and expect smooth sailing

Your husband is so wrong, I grew up comfortably speaking 3 languages: Igbo (Mbano, my mum's dialect and also my dad's ) Yoruba and English simultaneously. Despite being born and raised in Lagos, my parents insisted on Igbo (my native language) being the language of communication at home, that didn't affect us being comfortable with communicating in Yoruba and English.

It is evidence- based that children can learn multiple languages at once thus your kids' capacity should not be limited to being monolingual.

What is the man to do with the wife's full salary?

OP, the most important thing right now is to see that your wife get professional psychological help, that is psychotherapy to manage her suicidal behaviour because from what you shared, there is a clear case of lingering depression and she would score very high on suicidal ideation scale. It has to be done alongside couple therapy.

Sad.

Jesusrules24:
Hello everyone,

I want to change my career path and apply for a BSc in nursing. I already have a first degree in Education from Nigeria.

Are visas granted to people who make such career changes and go for 2nd undergraduate degrees?

Also, I want to go with my family. How many years proof of funds should I show for an undergraduate degree?

I'll appreciate your responses.

Thank you.

For undergraduate studies, you can't go with your family.

Nah, not true.

Professorcplus:
You spoke my mind. In my opinion, it's all about the family and exposure to the environment. I have a case study of two families. Just look at this scenario.

Family A: Husband abuses and insult wife with words, sometimes hit wife while she loosely talk back or rebel.
Out of frustration, wife talk hashly to children on any slight issue sometimes hit children and slibings.
Slibings grew tough skin and hatred and develop strong wing to rebel among parent, friends and sometimes hit themselves.
The children then relates in the environment where is only the superior adult do the beaten and the inferior adult one get beaten.
To further escalate issues, almost everyone in the environment generally becomes eligible to "hit" or oppress/abuse the inferior ones they're superior to with little or no rebellion.
This has caused a psychological impaired set of adults, who thinks they can "hit" you so far they are superior to you. After, it's normal thing and a way to correct someone.
Such child also grew up to become adult with the same mentality and ideology because, that's the best way to make the infant stick to correction.

No wonder an average Nigerian is aggressive.

But does it work? Yes, only to people born and bread in such environment.

But you can train a child without abusive hitting but it lately depends on you, family and environment. Children were not born to become aggressive, stubborn and rebellious, its the environment and family relationship that made them so.

Family B: Husband respect wife and is a good role model to wife and family. Wife give back honour and respect to husband and present a good image of father to the children.
Both parent gives room for children to explain themselves in case of wrong doings and mischievous and give them unbiased decipline to defaulter irrespective of who's superior or inferior. Doing so, promote a relationship with love, respect, reputable laws and morals to uphold. Also, among those closer to them. Such child takes to correction than the one in "Family A" without abusive hitting.

But right, "Family A" is dominating because we are living in an insane society with angry, toxic and bitter people as a result of their awful life experiences and Nigeria is not even helping matter with increase in Petro price.

Love your insight. One is more likely to replicate in adulthood the abuse that was normalized in childhood except there is a conscious effort not to. That is why in the psychiatric facility where I work, upon admission there is a huge focus during history taking on the patient's formative years.

But they were in denial.

Your friend has a right to actively be in the life of his son as long as no competent court has deemed him unfit to be near the boy based on violent nature or mental health disorder(s).

Since both parents are in Lagos, l will advise your friend to seek out the Family Social Service office, which is under the Lagos State Ministry of Youth and Social Development if am not mistaken and establish the situation. The wife will be summoned and told to bring the boy along.

Unnerve:
Well there's a Caucasian man who is president of a Caucasian country in the western hemisphere who was never beaten as a kid, yet he's probably the most unstable megalomaniac in the history of the white house who was voted for by millions of other unstable psychotics who were never beaten as children.

Point being, there's absolutely no correlation between the form of discipline a person receives as a child and what they turn out to be as an adult.
This point goes to you too @ mcdokwe.

Just as we have Presidents on the African continent who probably were beaten as kids by their parents to "instill" discipline in them but turned out to become kleptomaniacs and their policies indicating black lives does not matter and who were repeatedly voted in by majority who were also beaten as kids and have been plagued by learned helplessness (psychology).

Our outcomes as adults is heavily influenced by our childhood experiences and this is evidence based.

mcdokwe:
When you raise your kids right, they become better people for the society.

Right is relative. Some people believe physically hitting their children will make them become better adults while some don't subscribe to it.

The question is, with today's Nigeria has the beating of young ones translated to Nigerian adults who are more industrious, less likely to commit nor rationalize wrong doings , translated to larger number of people who are disciplined in private lives and public offices?

Has the beatings many in Nigeria received as kids helped them become better persons in life than Caucasian kids who were not beaten by their parents?

So convicted criminals in Nigerian prisons (correctional facilities) and those still out there committing crimes of various sorts are the outcome of not being beaten when they were kids?