floret23:
What will you do if you are in my position and feeling deeply hurt.

Some men have bitter experiences both in relationship and some in marriages.

Even though I know this story is fabricated, it's the sort of things an average Nigerian woman do. An average Nigerian woman believes she has an unqualified right to use her money as she sees fit, and has tremendous control on how her husband spends his money.

She can't just ignore you like that in a great moment of need. Her action shows there is no love lost in your union.

Nawa o! Which kind family be this? Did you kill or impregnate any member of their family? Why would a family be so mean and cold to you?

The way I see it, there is a sort of intimate relationship between you and your boss. If not, what would make an employee to develop an entitlement complex such as yours towards her boss? Most Nigerian ladies feel they own a man when he has had access to the cookies.

Not bad, just that you, too, will undergo the same test to give a sense of fairness and equity.

twang414:
been with my wife for 11 years, and throughout this period we have always had trust issues. The trust issues emanate mostly from her. Issues like not being accountable, not being transparent and disloyalty at its core. Eg, claiming shes at location B, whereas shes at location A, like calling her and not picking, but will pick other number calls and much more. We have communicated in ways to make things better, she would promise to make things better but will at the end of the day backslide. further issues deepened, I got tired and couldn't tolerate more of it, so I repeatedly asked for a separation, but yet she disagrees. One of the major that happened now is here in UK, as we relocated last year Sep. She had met a new lady friend at a party, apparently they got to know more of each other after the lady forgot her kids bag at the location so my wife was asked to take it that she will come over to ours to pick it up since we live close to each other.
To cut long story short, the woman is into beauty products marketing, she involved my madam in the hustle and they seem to pair along well, invites her to events held in hotels and all that. The one they went for 3 days ago, after the event, she called me that she was done, didnt want to take uber prolly cos it was expensive, so she said the lady claimed she will drop her off. An hour later she called she was on her way that the ladies husband have come to pick them up, 40mins later she said there was traffic at woolich that it might take time b4 she gets back. Because of the trust issues we always have and haven't been sorted, I checked her lcoation via her findmyiphone and lo and behold they were at the womans house. I waited at least 15mins to see if maybe it was the traffic, but it wasnt, because her movement was at a complete halt. So I called her, she didnt pick, gave her another 3 missed calls she didnt pick, so i called my daughters phone that was with her, she then picked saying that she was on a zoom meeting with some clients thats why she couldnt pick, but that shes in the car still heading home,though i could hear TV sound, so i was like babe, it dont sound like ur in the car, she was like the ladys husbands car is a Porsche car, you can hear any sound, so i said i was going to call her on video call, I called she didnt pick, she then called me back on video while showing she was in the car and it was at that time her movement on the map started showing she was moving, this might be too much to be doing, but it just seem glaringly obvious that there is something she is hiding, but the most painful part was that she now handed the phone to her friend to defend her that she was truly in the car bla bla bla, i had to cut the call off. I felt so embarrassed and felt maybe I would not have told her that she wasnt in a car, or that she would have handled the situation better by not handing over the phone to her friend to talk to me. Do you guys really think trust issues that havent been resolved over the last 10 years can still be worked out/

You knew about the unresolved trust issues in Nigeria, yet you move with her to the UK. What were you thinking? That she would magically change on getting to the UK? The truth is that you have compounded your problem and your wife's trust issues would more complex and frustrating to you. You are in a clime that easily throws men under the bus and where women hardly do wrong.

Smokeybrain:
Happy workers day. Since am at home I decided to voice out what is bordering me. First let me give a preamble about myself. I'm an introvert, I don't take alcohol and I have never been to the club. I work with a commercial bank as an ABO and from Niger Delta. I leave in Lagos. I have two ladies in my life and I kind of confused.
The first lady is base in Abuja, 30 years old and an extrovert. She's unemployed and I have knw her for sometime now. This lady is the type that was perfection in everything. I have told her about my intention that I want committed relationship. She didn't say yes and she didn't say no. All what she did was ask me series of questions and I answered. She hardly calls and check on me. I do the most calls and initiate conversations. She can comfortably stay for days without hearing from me. I invited her to Lagos, she came spent few days and left. When she got home, she sent me a text that she didn't get the vibes she was expecting. I was confused. Vibes! What do u mean? She said connections and vibes was not there. Maybe she expects me to be gisting with her till midnight I don't really know. Sometimes I come back from work late, I will talk little, eat and sleep. I don't really know the vibes and I connections she's talking about. This is the lady I spent on, the her flight ticket I paid for it...am still confused.
The second lady, a Fulani Christian from the north, 24 years base in Lagos. A graduate and a fashion designer. She's just the opposite of the first lady. I don't give her much attention like the first lady but no day will pass without her checking on me. I spend little on her unlike the first lady and she doesn't complain. I will like to get married next year. I'm financially okay. Which of these two ladies should I go for am 31yrs.

Baba, nawa o! Na you dey ask this kind question? This is skin to clearly seeing the road but electing to follow through the bush. Unless you have problem with the background of the second lady, your post, to me, is grossly unnecessary.

Reminderz:
as long as I respect Islam when it comes to modesty, this is just an example of extremism in the religion... it was even commanded in the Qur'an and hadiths to do away with extremism.. wearing this is not compulsory or mandatory in the Deen.. and it's not meant to be forced either... it should be of the bride or woman's wish or will to do so herself... in fact, it's not necessary in Islam... just wear clothes that cover what God tells you to be covered and you're good to go. nevertheless, we now live in a world where people are being persecuted, oppressed and abused for being covered and people are being praised and seen as role models for being naked.

because of the strict laws and modesty in Islam, Islam has been able to preserve her culture and values compared to other religion... and it's also the fastest growing religion which will overtake Christianity.. before you argue blindly, a little research and checking of statistics will help you..

because of these facts, Islam countries are still one of the best in terms of culture and upholding moral values compared to other countries where moral decline, the fall of family and civilisation is being witnessed... Qatar not wanting to accept any LGBT bullshit is an example of why Islam is one of the strongest religion..

And yet, whenever there is war in Muslim countries, Muslims would prefer to go to the west and not Qatar, Saudi Arabia or Iran, where Islamic culture has engender strong moral principles.

Be careful, next time she might get you burnt.

Tell her friends she is thoughtless and irresponsible. It's an eye for an eye.

jade001:
I'll try to make this as simple as possible!

I am a single father, presently seeing a single mother. As I believe it should be, we both shared events that led to our individual Marital breakdown, and relationships after. I only dated 2 within my one year of divorce(had intimacy with one and ended the second during talking stage). She told me hers were two within TWO and HALF yrs of divorce( One ended because of genotype and the other wouldn't marry a single mum).

Fast forward after doing my background check very well. I discovered she had actually slept with SEVEN( Two married, 1 single father, 2 single guys and 2 FWB) within 21/2yrs of divorce(alot for me to handle though)

This she opened up after series of lies and manipulations and WAR, and when she took me to a Pastor and the pastor said we are good to go, but some of her friends would come and tell me rumors about her that I shouldn't be bothered. So, I had to press her till she opened up some... then, later, others!

My issue now is she is always receiving calls and msgs from men home and abroad(behind me, cos she wouldn'tpick in my presence and her phone is always on silence). She had blocked alot(she said about 70 and I'm like wow... later she said some females friends inclusive), but the calls wouldn't stop coming. Infact, she still keep contacts of people she has had stuffs with. She deleted all(supposedly), but I discovered she still keep the contact of one of the FWB(They had it twice in his house), now blocked too!

I couldn't just come to terms with how she seems to be the only female with many male friends(believe me when I say many). Obviously, she willing to settle down, but it's like some forces are really messing with her head. Took my time to tell her this isn't healthy... as she mistakenly slept with 2 of her friends already... Just to avoid further events she should stop male friends, but she is always giving excuses for some. Spoke to her mum about it too, and she said whe would change that it is gradual, that she will never cheat in our marriage!

My second issue with her is she is too aggressive. Infact, we had many heated arguments that I ended slapping her on two occasions before she became calm. Bad mouth, almost giving me headbutt, locking and tearing my knickers, spoiling my door... and If I couldn't bear any more I slap her to reset her brain(anytime I discover her lies, she will start wahala).

I am not a woman beater, but I can conveniently make case for some men that women brought the beast out of them. On a night she told me either she kills me or I kill her. I had to beg so she wouldn't kill me overnight. I only called her a liar and she began her aggression as usual, raising her voice to high heavens, disturbing my neighbors, abusing me... before I slapped her.(I am afraid the slap is the medicine, which i can't continue to do)

Spiritually she is good, I've prayed and saw good dreams about her. But, the aggression and men issue is killing me.

My fear is won't she cheat on me in our marriage and won't we end up as a royal rumble couples as she is too aggressive and unapologetic. She could keep to herself as long as she wants(whenever we have issues), but I am the lovey dovey type. I end up appeasing her to come to me at every issue.

She only begs and cries back to me after a day or two(Note: She wouldn't even admit her wrongs, she will only cry that why am I particular about her past. I'm always like but there are still in our present, until you do away with them completely(No chatting/calling, even with male friends of these men o)!

We've both seen our parents and getting married soon, as I've already proposed to her!

She and her family also wants me to keep and take care of her child, when the father is hale and hearty and balling. I have custody of mine, because I want my ex to have freedom to get herself and start life again without any burden or responsibility(mutually agreed).

The guy is always facetiming the child, but when is time for responsibilities, he comes up with different excuses, obviously he has the money, but only playing smart.

Thanks for your time!

There is no problem with the both of you. The way I see it, you are made for each other. So, take the bold step and see it through. Men like you are deft in analysing women and knowing how they are likely to turn out. I like the way you have analysed your soon-to-be wife's faults, and the uncommon conclusion you have reached. Men like you are rare these days.

All these fault for one person? Who needs a mum like this?

Tell her you didn't see anything and that she should relax because you got her completely covered. She is only afriad because she thinks you will telltale what you saw.
And, next time, when writing about yourself please reduce the rate at which you deodorise your ability as a competence or "serious" worker. It's highly gratuitous.

The woman errred by not informing her in-laws about their brother's health challenges. That's what a good woman would done, even she wasn't on speaking terms with them. Now, your brother is dead, anything you plan to do would further divide the family and even have impact on his children.

Eh, what she had on her is a lesser drug indeed.

Immature because he turned you down? Aunty, you are the immature fellow here. Move on, please.

Really? The undertone is properly noted.

A brother has dodged a bullet from an egoistic buffoon.

What are you, an actor? Baba, better toughen your mind for what awaits you, or quickly take the exit door now. Whether you like it or not, it's difficult to see actors and actresses that not promiscuous. Promiscuity seems to be a feature of the profession.

Sure, who wouldn't? especially after that catastrophically loss of imagined wealth.

Nothing can be outrageous than the fact that you still refer to her as your "financee." Oga, it's an offence to commandeer public property as a personal possession.

EriMma1:


Go and sit down! You men are always like that especially with women who are always shaking like jelly fish at your feet, begging to be married or stay married.

That is why, I'll never beg any man to keep me. If you want to go, Go! Life continues and I still have my things intact to console my soul. Hahaha...

This deeply and comprehensively twisted Cinderella eh. When are we leaving Nigeria?

sofeo:
If this is real, then the issue between you and your hubby is lack of trust, communication and understanding, which are some of the major factors for a smooth home.

Selling any of the houses is not a big deal if the 3 factors mentioned above exist between you.

And we know for sure it's a fairytale designed to bash men.

Does losing one's life in an unhealthy marriage mean that one is reasonable?

Does losing one's life in an unhealthy marriage mean that one is a reasonable?

Oga, look for male friends jare. You don't need female friends for your survival.

...only in a country that cares...

Nawa o. The red flags were there, starring boldly at you. Your husband is in no capacity to protect you. His sister lord's over him. It's now a huge cross which you will either carry or reject. Your life, your choice.

Oga wan collect. Don't blame nobody for your lustful desires. Talk to your wife to caution her sister, or you mind your damn business.

Being fat is a tough one, but obese? But you penetrated raw knowing she obesed. I think she got some sterling qualities that are spinning your head. It's your dilemma indeed.

If telling her not to come would create problem for you, why not 6te the woman helping you before her arrival to continue rendering services since your mum is ready to help out? Just classify your mum as one of your visitors.