Jovialjune1:
I don't want to go tribal, but we know the tribe that do this nonsense, a backward tribe consisting of brainless people.

Nothing is more brainless and even pathetic than your poor and impotent grasp of the English language. First, only a dunce uses "tribe" when she means "ethnic group." Even if one closes his eyes to your illiterate advertisement of a disesteem term, what of your calamitous misuse of concord/agreement? Aunt, "tribe" as used in your poorly written post is a singular word and not a plural word.

To the average Nigerian woman, a good man is a man who has money; one who can solve her financial needs.

Since you married a girl, not even a lady or a woman, shows the death of disrespect you have for your wife even in a public forum. It's strange that your wife and her father are not pleased with you. This story has a genesis; what is it?

Chinelo154:
Good afternoon to everyone my mum is really suffering in her marriage and I really need your advice , I am the first child in a family of 5 children I was born in 1998, my mum is a midwife in a local hospital and my dad is not working for like 10 years. My mum is the breadwinner of the house with her little salary , and I am also working my salary is 12k , out of my younger ones only one is in school the last born 14 years the burden is too much on my mum she cannot afford to train all of us to the university , we thank God we are ssce holders one of my brother is a bricklayer we are stuggling to survive sometime i cried alot when i see my mum stressing herself to put the house in order but my dad doesn't appreciate all her effort . The issue of ground is last wk Friday i returned from work only to find my uncle , his wife and their 5 children in the house , they came from the village i was shocked because we were not aware of their coming , I greeted them and went straight to my mum room, she was in a very bad mood , I asked her if she was fine she didn't say any single words to me, she was badly affected with the coming of my uncle and his family, I felt her pain because she is struggling to keep the family up and in the order side my dad is bending it how asked myself how are we going to survive in a 2 bedroom house with 14 0f us plus feeding and everythng will be in my mum head , my dad has instructed me and my 2 sisters to leave our room for my uncle and his 2 daughters , while we moved to their bedroom and my 2 brothers and my uncle 3 children will sleep in the parlour. How can a big woman like me to be sleeping in my parents room, I did not complain we went to the room we packed our belonging and moved it to my parents room. That night I didn't catch sleep seeing my mum loosing sleep she didn't say anything but she was awake all night , she was trouble a lot was going through her mind , in the morning I heard my uncle wife and mum having a discussion she told her , if she knew the condition we were living was this bad she wouldn't have come , she said my dad has told them to come because things are fine with us and she was disappointed with what she saw , so my mum asked her so my husband was the one that convinced you to moved in the city she said yes , my mum shook her head she didn't say anything else and I become very angry I confronted my dad asking him why did he do this to my mum when he knows the condition is not good, why did he tells his brother to come not just him alone but with his family, he started shouting at me I am not a wife material if I bring this my character of not liking my inlaw to my husband house he will send me packing and he will not allow me back to his house , I have told him he is very wicked he want mum to die so he can bring him another woman , he stood out he went inside the house he started shouting at my mum how dare she ask me to confront him and what's wrong with him bringing his brother to his house, my mum did not send me she is a quiet type and I am not i co fronted him by my own will , he said my mum is wicked woman he was shouting in the presence of my uncle and my uncle has started insulted me too , telling me the house belong to his brother if I am not happy seeing them in the house I should go and rent my own house because he is not leaving anytime soon , if I had somewhere else to go I would have left the same day but I had nowhere to go, I went inside my room crying and later on my aunty was telling me to not mind my uncle , she don't blame me for standing up for my mum because as a woman she is she will not tolerate it she told me she don't know if my dad and her brother are curse they are just lazy and they have left all the responsibility to the wives , she said she can't tell me everything she is also passing through the same thing with my mum , I thanked her for her understanding and for not supporting her husband and my dad. It is been few days now I don't greet nor talk to my dad and uncle , I go to work as usual and when I come home I sleep in the parlour with the boys me on the sofa them on the floor , I am not happy with my dad and I don't think I will ever be happy with him again , did I overreacted for confronting or I did the right thing I am just asking for your advise so i will know the right thing to do after please do not insult me I am wearing the shoe I know where it pinch

If you what wrote here is the truth, you didn't overreact. Your dad is something close to a deadbeat... But your mum is too docile and weak, the very reason your uncle and his family decided to invade your home.

You want to retract the forgiveness already rendered? He wasn't like this before, what happened? Why did he become a changed person?

So the problem here is not so much that he is a divorcee, but that he is highly petty and judgemental. Since his wife that is a perfect foil left him, you know what to expect of you decide to marry him.

She seems like a proficient, generous, and skillful community donor. Oga, please take heart, some married women have way higher number than your wife.

Tamilore11:
Useless tribe dat worships money more dan Anytin. Why won’t u put fake news here, looking for who to scam. The same Chioma ur igbo sister dat prefers to follow her Yoruba bf up n down and leave her child for an igbo house help dat killed him. We yorubas value out kids more dan Money. No wonder u re not married at 40 something. No sane man will bear a child with u because u lack motherly instincts. Ur I’ll watch dem die while u chase other dicks

Oga, you ain't different from that infamous bazaar queen. I'm disappointed you didn't take the high moral ground, instead you showed yourself to be an ethnic chauvinist just like she is. You missed a teachable moment because, even you and your interlocutor, are in dire need of good education.

Blessedmercy8:
.

This is just one reason I dislike you Yorubas. Seriously, you people don't have sense. I would have just ignored you completely like I've been doing but I just want to let you know that you're referring to your mother who didn't train you well.

I'm done with you.

And the infamous bazaar queen waves an ethnic slur, pathetically tars all Yoruba people with the same brush. Shame! I support Tam, this post is unnecessary and self-seeking.

This is surely a threat from Mr. Obi. Who, then, controls the oil reserves in the Niger Delta?

This kind wife eh. She has already informed you about her willingness to sleep with another man, and your now apparent inability to get her pregnant. I don't think any amount of talk will talk her out of this decision.

It would be very difficult to dodge these family expenses, especially due to the nature of your siblings and mother. However, you need to devise a means that would allow you to, at least, save a penny for the rainy. It's not proper to be working and earning money without keeping some for an unforeseeable occurrences.

It's not always in black and white, neither is it cast in a stone. It depends on who is more broadminded, thoughtfulness, and knowledgeable. These virtues have nothing to do with gender but with the character composition of individuals.

Yes na, we have shell company mention. What of other big ogàs that are seemingly untouchable.

And someone believes Nigeria will be developed one day. Please remind their duties for earn such immorally fat pay: oh, they made "sacrifices" for the nation, really?

The same way our president led from the front in the fight against Boko Haram.

A super controversial god of men. Nevertheless, the attack and the needless lost of precious lives were barbaric, unwarranted, and highly despicable.

Who is going to restructure this feeding bottle federalism?

This loutish mindset is not fit to hold a government position. Thank God she didn't include the ethnic group of her interlocutor as it's her wont.

Ta! It's a women's thing; to untrammel act without restrain and moderation. It has nothing to do with an ethnic group.

What do we think? After you just wrote "sex with a married woman is a no, no to you." Continue!

Stargurl20:
You rendered me speechless.
Me wondering if this is how my own younger bro will be thinking of beating me up in few years time. Olagbara o

If you no maintain, you go surely collect. Now, this is a joke. Marriage is very important, don't mind the drooling hypocrisy of most Nigerians who sheepishly think they can copy the western world.

As if you would do differently if you happen to own a house. You seem to have forgotten you have regaled this graveyard with an unplesant tale of shameful reneging from business agreement you freely entered into, let alone a tenant-landlord issue. Learn to approach a case by its merit, not by emotion.

No, you don't love her. You only love the streams of financial goodies she bestows on you. The age gap is unjustufably massive; the fact that you are inexperience in the business of dating compounds your problem. Plus, she is a baby mammy, who, perhaps, is just pretending to get you first before she unleashes her real character. Heed to your parents' advice, because it won't be long before the blinkers of financial inducement are finally removed from your face.

There is a truism which says cheaters never change; they only become clever to conceal their escapes. Your wife has apparently validated this truism, which has thrown you off balance. It is either your wife turns a new leaf and becomes a faithful partner, or you man up and let her know the consequences of her action. The talk about not wanting your kids growing in an unbroken home does not cover the degree of harm your wife's infidelity has caused you.

Bring him over or not, I think you still need him, that's the reason for the recollection in the first place. Or is the alleged boredom Nigerian ladies suffer in Canada the reason for bringing him over? Ruminate deeply on it.

Anyone accusing you of being selfish is patently deluded and does not understand how gender interpersonal relationship works. Just stick to what you know is best for you. However, the inability to cut off completely from this lady, portrays a whiff of indecisiveness in you. Since she isn't to up your standard, why let her visit you at will?

Exquisitely:
I have been dating this guy for over 2 years. When we started dating, he had no job and I always encouraged him to get something doing no matter how small because he was always relying on his parents then.

He got jobs but quit working without telling me, I got to find out later. Due to these issues, he couldn't afford to pay for his apartment, so he had to relocate to his parents house.

He got a job in the same area as his parents house and he only looked for it because I told him I wasn't comfortable with him not working, as someone in his late 20s. As a lady, I try to make sure I work, plan my life and look for opportunities with prospects, but he doesn't do these things. He is comfortable with the way things are going for him.

He's been working for some months now but there is nothing to show for it, he is not even trying to get a high paying job, start a business, learn a skill or leave his comfort zone.
Mind you, I don't ask him for anything since he is not even doing well for himself yet.

This guy is proposing marraige, but I don't want to accept because he doesn't have a vision, neither does he have concrete plans or prospect. I'm afraid getting married to him would mean I'll be carrying all the burden while married, since he is even comfortable with the way things are for him now. I'm tired of having this discussion with him.

Please I need suggestions on what you'd likely do if you find yourself in my situation.

Going by what you have narrated, I don't think it's necessary to be around such a mentally lazy man, who doesn't think ahead and see his position as the man of the house. I think you need to quit now, because if you end up with him, you are going to regret it. This is not a ill-wish, but a proposition you are aware of now.

I don't know why you want to create a problem where none exists. That you were able to communicate with this person without noticing any deficiencies as a result of limited education, show how exposed and cultured she is. If she don't have first leaving certificate, so what? She enroll for WAEC GCE and get the certificate for you, if you are able to convince her.

I see a prima facie charge of sexism, of singling out one gender and pretending it's responsible for everything that ails marriage in Nigeria. If Nigerian men are getting "low" interest in marriage (which is actually wild and not supported by any empirical evidence), it's not because of the attitude of women per se. The number one influence of low marriage ratio in Nigeria is the imposition of western culture that validates promiscuity on the both side, and with BABYMAMA as the apotheosis.

Number two, the harsh Nigerian economy, the spike in unemployment, and the constant devaluation of the naira have conspired to make marriage almost impossible for men desirous of getting married. I know a lot peeps who are ready to get married today but don't simply possess the means. In fact, these men have women ready to marry them if and when they have the financial wherewithal.

Yes, there is an explosion of female prostitution partly as a direct consequence of decades of economic strangulation, but the Bible has always emphasized on the virtue of a man finding a woman, which at every age and time, means that man has to do due diligence and find a woman to marry.

Although it's a cringe-worthy, something the online pretentious herd will wail about and condemn, it's, however, entirely within your right to either consider it or strongly lambaste your wife for making such suggestion. A lot of things happen in the family circle, so make your decision about this proposal or provide them with another option.

It's difficult, very difficult, given the depths of what you narrated, to believe that nothing intimate happened, or is happening between you and the woman. Abeg forget and forgive my aproco!
It has been repeatedly stated that some humans are not deserving of any form of assistance. Now, see the wahala this woman sleepwalked you into. But brother, you knew what she was doing, but you didn't envisage her indiscretion would adversely affect you. Take heart. We learn and become better from unpleasant challenges, especially one we have the power to extricate ourselves.