₦airaland Forum

Be careful, next time she might get you burnt.

Tell her friends she is thoughtless and irresponsible. It's an eye for an eye.

jade001:
I'll try to make this as simple as possible!

I am a single father, presently seeing a single mother. As I believe it should be, we both shared events that led to our individual Marital breakdown, and relationships after. I only dated 2 within my one year of divorce(had intimacy with one and ended the second during talking stage). She told me hers were two within TWO and HALF yrs of divorce( One ended because of genotype and the other wouldn't marry a single mum).

Fast forward after doing my background check very well. I discovered she had actually slept with SEVEN( Two married, 1 single father, 2 single guys and 2 FWB) within 21/2yrs of divorce(alot for me to handle though)

This she opened up after series of lies and manipulations and WAR, and when she took me to a Pastor and the pastor said we are good to go, but some of her friends would come and tell me rumors about her that I shouldn't be bothered. So, I had to press her till she opened up some... then, later, others!

My issue now is she is always receiving calls and msgs from men home and abroad(behind me, cos she wouldn'tpick in my presence and her phone is always on silence). She had blocked alot(she said about 70 and I'm like wow... later she said some females friends inclusive), but the calls wouldn't stop coming. Infact, she still keep contacts of people she has had stuffs with. She deleted all(supposedly), but I discovered she still keep the contact of one of the FWB(They had it twice in his house), now blocked too!

I couldn't just come to terms with how she seems to be the only female with many male friends(believe me when I say many). Obviously, she willing to settle down, but it's like some forces are really messing with her head. Took my time to tell her this isn't healthy... as she mistakenly slept with 2 of her friends already... Just to avoid further events she should stop male friends, but she is always giving excuses for some. Spoke to her mum about it too, and she said whe would change that it is gradual, that she will never cheat in our marriage!

My second issue with her is she is too aggressive. Infact, we had many heated arguments that I ended slapping her on two occasions before she became calm. Bad mouth, almost giving me headbutt, locking and tearing my knickers, spoiling my door... and If I couldn't bear any more I slap her to reset her brain(anytime I discover her lies, she will start wahala).

I am not a woman beater, but I can conveniently make case for some men that women brought the beast out of them. On a night she told me either she kills me or I kill her. I had to beg so she wouldn't kill me overnight. I only called her a liar and she began her aggression as usual, raising her voice to high heavens, disturbing my neighbors, abusing me... before I slapped her.(I am afraid the slap is the medicine, which i can't continue to do)

Spiritually she is good, I've prayed and saw good dreams about her. But, the aggression and men issue is killing me.

My fear is won't she cheat on me in our marriage and won't we end up as a royal rumble couples as she is too aggressive and unapologetic. She could keep to herself as long as she wants(whenever we have issues), but I am the lovey dovey type. I end up appeasing her to come to me at every issue.

She only begs and cries back to me after a day or two(Note: She wouldn't even admit her wrongs, she will only cry that why am I particular about her past. I'm always like but there are still in our present, until you do away with them completely(No chatting/calling, even with male friends of these men o)!

We've both seen our parents and getting married soon, as I've already proposed to her!

She and her family also wants me to keep and take care of her child, when the father is hale and hearty and balling. I have custody of mine, because I want my ex to have freedom to get herself and start life again without any burden or responsibility(mutually agreed).

The guy is always facetiming the child, but when is time for responsibilities, he comes up with different excuses, obviously he has the money, but only playing smart.

Thanks for your time!

There is no problem with the both of you. The way I see it, you are made for each other. So, take the bold step and see it through. Men like you are deft in analysing women and knowing how they are likely to turn out. I like the way you have analysed your soon-to-be wife's faults, and the uncommon conclusion you have reached. Men like you are rare these days.

All these fault for one person? Who needs a mum like this?

Tell her you didn't see anything and that she should relax because you got her completely covered. She is only afriad because she thinks you will telltale what you saw.
And, next time, when writing about yourself please reduce the rate at which you deodorise your ability as a competence or "serious" worker. It's highly gratuitous.

The woman errred by not informing her in-laws about their brother's health challenges. That's what a good woman would done, even she wasn't on speaking terms with them. Now, your brother is dead, anything you plan to do would further divide the family and even have impact on his children.

Eh, what she had on her is a lesser drug indeed.

Immature because he turned you down? Aunty, you are the immature fellow here. Move on, please.

Really? The undertone is properly noted.

A brother has dodged a bullet from an egoistic buffoon.

What are you, an actor? Baba, better toughen your mind for what awaits you, or quickly take the exit door now. Whether you like it or not, it's difficult to see actors and actresses that not promiscuous. Promiscuity seems to be a feature of the profession.

Sure, who wouldn't? especially after that catastrophically loss of imagined wealth.

Nothing can be outrageous than the fact that you still refer to her as your "financee." Oga, it's an offence to commandeer public property as a personal possession.

EriMma1:
Go and sit down! You men are always like that especially with women who are always shaking like jelly fish at your feet, begging to be married or stay married.

That is why, I'll never beg any man to keep me. If you want to go, Go! Life continues and I still have my things intact to console my soul. Hahaha...

This deeply and comprehensively twisted Cinderella eh. When are we leaving Nigeria?

sofeo:
If this is real, then the issue between you and your hubby is lack of trust, communication and understanding, which are some of the major factors for a smooth home.

Selling any of the houses is not a big deal if the 3 factors mentioned above exist between you.

And we know for sure it's a fairytale designed to bash men.

Does losing one's life in an unhealthy marriage mean that one is reasonable?

Does losing one's life in an unhealthy marriage mean that one is a reasonable?

Oga, look for male friends jare. You don't need female friends for your survival.

...only in a country that cares...

Nawa o. The red flags were there, starring boldly at you. Your husband is in no capacity to protect you. His sister lord's over him. It's now a huge cross which you will either carry or reject. Your life, your choice.

Oga wan collect. Don't blame nobody for your lustful desires. Talk to your wife to caution her sister, or you mind your damn business.

Being fat is a tough one, but obese? But you penetrated raw knowing she obesed. I think she got some sterling qualities that are spinning your head. It's your dilemma indeed.

If telling her not to come would create problem for you, why not 6te the woman helping you before her arrival to continue rendering services since your mum is ready to help out? Just classify your mum as one of your visitors.

Microwhy:
I dont even know why I get married or why I marry the lady I call my wife today.
Nothing is interesting about women especially the one's who are from trash background.
I am married and I must tell you that, the OP should let that woman go.

We have to commit this brother in prayers. As Christians would say, it's well.

The peanuts given as salaries are the reason refereeing is a part-time job.

To make a happy home, just accept the maid as a second wife since oga is very interested in her. It's just that most Nigerian women are averse to sharing men.

That's exactly how most Nigerian women are, everything is transactional. It's all about who is the highest bidder.

Somebody you weren't convinced with on account of sexual incompatibility, yet you continue to have unprotected sex with her. That means you guys are compatible, just that you haven't seen it. Oga, see it now.

Assuming that all you have written is the truth, the problem you have is not with the intrusive family, but with your husband who has no atom of respect for you. In your husband's family estimation, you are just a little girl who needs direction all the time. Stand your ground; don't give in to them. With time they would realise the error in their approach.

Just look at the western world and how women have used the freedom given to them. We know for a fact that total freedom destroys women.
Please, when next you want to talk to her, it's better you talk to her husband.

Let him wait until he becomes 18 years, then he would be matured enough to state his case. For now, he is under your care, restrict any form of contact he wants to establish with his dad.