₦airaland Forum

Tribalism123:
Nne, Let me be frank.
I was introduced to a girl this December because I intend marrying this year. She will be 26 on her birthday this year. I realized she opened her nose, double ear and has a waist bead. I told her that those things off men. She starts conversation with argument of you have not called me. I kept mute for a while and keep swallowing the pill so that I can see if I can correct some of her path before saying goodbye at least to prepare her for marriage. The day I traveled she called me that I should send her some data and I am on transit. She didn't call all through my long journey. I kept quiet. She called two days later. I sounding polite and told her I will call her at night. The night was yesterday. So when I called she rushed me the way she will always do. I listened to all her rubbish. Then I took my time to talk to her and whenever she wants to interfere the my talk I WILL SHOUT ON HER HEAD "keep quiet and listen!". I did this until I spent 15 good minutes on her head. She was so sober. She told me good night in soberness. This morning her call woke me up to ask me her will my day be and wish me good luck for the day. All her sense of entitlement diminished immediately.

So I will ask, have u checked your path?
Are u looking for already made guy or someone you can assist with advise to make it.
There are some guys that need only a lady who can look into what they are doing wrong and encourage them to do it right. Some guys are suffering but at the edge of making it. Ladies throw away these guys because they don't see what the future holds for such guys.

If it is standard, work on it. Men have standards but when it comes to marriage, their standards is aligned to character first before beauty.

Take it slow, u will get it right soon and get the cool guy for u.


And as for your people, look for something that annoys them and ask them anytime they bring forth the topic. Don't complain. There must be there weak point. Let them see it as insult. But u will have ur peace henceforth.

So, what is your resolution? Are you diving in with your eyes wide open?

Your parents and family members should let you be. You are just a young lady that needs to explore the world. Don't mind them abeg. Na time go tell.

And you don't want to block him? Continue.

E be like say Tinubu credit alert don drop.

Her anger will subside with time. I think she oversteps her boundary. She needs to know when, where, and how to interfere in her son's life. I think you should call her just to say "hi." You have already made your point clear.

They "manage"
na for better or worse. E be like say this one dey go near worse o.

It's the agreement you had with her on sending money to both parents that is the cause of your problem. You can't undo it now without suffering severe problems. You just need to more diplomatic, or even more secretive in doing what you know is right.

A married woman with suitors? Nigeria we hail thee!

What do you want us to tell you? The truth that you already know?

Madam, it's clear your husband needs a medical treatment now. His actions aren't normal at all.

Whatever is her basis of defence to protect the already threaten image of husband, the fact that one man has been accused of having
inappropriate relationships with many ladies can just be dismissed with a wave of the hand. To use the words of a famous footballer: why always him?

Yes na. The world belongs to the female gender.

Handsomejok:
If I am not entitled to her forgiveness but why did she accept to come back to me?

Because madam knows the grass is not always green on the other side. The fact she has returned to you is a proof that forgiveness is the way. She is just making you understand the degree of your Bleep up.

folak48:
Hmmm, the reason for creating the thread.

Madam, you knew what you are into, as Oga was and still is a prolific player. Please, allow Oga to flex.

It's a fraud. Your brother must take part of the blame for not doing due diligence.

It's obvious your sister is fighting a battle she isn't going to win. Once a man's mind is made up to take a second wife, nothing in this world would stop him. It's even more certain if the man is a Muslim that enjoys unquestionable religious privilige.

Anon4509:
I opened this anonymous account because I really need to know how to proceed with this. Before I continue I want to state that every single thing typed here is true and is currently my life story. Please, this is a long read and names have been changed to protect my identity.

I am not from a poor home and the reason why I think it’s necessary to say this is so people can give me a balanced advise without thinking money played a role in my decisions, my parents are middle class and doing well, I’ve never in my life struggled financially and I grew up with the best my parents could provide.

Few years ago I started meeting white foreign men online, I would talk to them, send pictures, chat and just spent time together. This slowly developed into these men sending me some money to take care of myself, this wasn’t a case of yahoo or leading these men on but they just simply provided when I complained about something, I took the money because why not. I would like to note at this point that I wasn’t dating any of those men and we were just friends I was also dating in Nigeria so for me it was just a friendly engagement with these strangers whom I’ll never meet, things also evaporated after a while and when the heat turned cold with these online men we would stop texting.

This was how I met Tom, he is a white man who is a shy guy who was new to dating or meeting women, he is a nerd. I’ve met and dated nerds before so I was used to the personality, to be more specific my type of men are nerds, Tom fell instantly in love with me, he slowly became obsessed with me and thought since I’m African then I have to be poor and struggling, I didn’t correct this assumption but instead fed into it as I considered it funny at the time.

We started talking everyday and few weeks later (I think a month) Tom asked me to be his girlfriend and we started dating, before we started dating Tom sent me money once or twice, nothing major just about 300 dollars or so.

Immediately we started dating, Tom started sending me money, I was in in uni and Tom began sending me about 1k dollars(sometimes more) every month because he got the idea I needed the money to take care of myself, after uni he rented an apartment for me, bought me a car because he said I’m too pretty to walk under the sun, paid for the furnishing etc I could tell he was in love but with his love came obsession, he wanted to always talk to me and I would give excuses, etc but I still provided balance because the money was quite sweet and I didn’t want to lose it, I do not love Tom in any way, and I believe I was giving him companionship in exchange for money so if he wanted to believe we were dating that was the little I could do.

I met Jerry a few months after uni, he is the sweetest most thoughtful man I’ve met, I instantly fell in love with him and he was the first man I had sex with, I spent a lot of time with him and we were so in love. I was still dating Tom at this point because I mean the extra money I was getting from Tom meant I could live extremely well, at this point I had stopped asking my parents for money and was dependent on Tom and the money I was getting from my job, I was earning about 200k.

I told Tom I was jobless so he wouldn’t stop taking care of me and I managed Tom, Jerry and my job well to ensure everyone was happy. I am also very big on my career, I just love money and living well too much, I like to buy expensive thing and I’ll rather not use my money for it.

Jerry was also taking care of my needs, He was earning extremely well, is a young millionaire so he sends me money monthly and bought anything I needed.

We are boyfriend and girlfriend and have plans to get married in a few years, Jerry has met my parents and knows knows about Tom but doesn’t care because he loves me and the relationship with Tom has been entirely virtual so he doesn’t think there’s anything there (to be fair Jerry doesn’t know the extent of my relationship with Tom or that Tom sends me money regularly) however Tom doesn’t know about Jerry.

I’ve been dating Tom for almost 3 years virtually, we have never seen each other but Tom wants us to see in a year’s time, he sponsored my relocation, paid for every single thing, I only paid for my visa processing myself from money I saved up, Tom also paid for my rent, and still sends me upkeep monthly. He says he loves me and wants to support me I don’t trust anyone so I save all the money he sends me for a rainy day.

I am still dating Jerry who sends me money monthly and we are planning our future, I want to end things with Tom but I do not know how to do it, I am scared he will track me down and kill me because of everything he has sacrificed for me, he’s also obsessed with me and has tried knowing my address multiple times but I’ve been wise enough to never release it.

I’ve thought about disappearing (deactivating the app we communicate on) but he knows my social media accounts and I really don’t want to have to deactivate my accounts as I struggled to build it and currently have a lot of followers. I also think disappearing won’t work.

Please, how can I successfully break up with Tom without losing my life ? I also don’t want Jerry to be aware of the complexities of my relationship with Tom, he might get very angry because Jerry loves me too much and gets jealous easily, He hates other men he perceives have feelings for me being around me.

Paying Tom back the money he has spent which runs into thousands and thousands of dollars IS NOT an option because he willingly gave me every thing and I will not put myself in a negative financial situation because of him, Tom also has my nude pictures and although he’s a sweet person I know will never do anything like leak it I really don’t want to take that risk.

I’ve slowly began fighting with Tom so I can use that as an excuse to end things but so far it’s not working. I also do not want to get arrested, even though I believe I didn’t commit any crime I’ll rather not be arrested and have my parents reputation ruined because they’re fairly popular.

I feel no guilt for this nor do I have any remorse because I did nothing wrong and I provided companionship in exchange for money which isn’t a crime but more of feeling greedy.

Please, I need tips and practical solutions not judgement. I’m not a saint and will never be which is fine.

Nawa o, Nawa o, and Nawa o again. Some of our women are truly wonderful.

worried222:
When are you going to write about women who are into hoeism today but think they deserve dowry to paid on their head.

Nope, that's part of their entitlement benefit, you can hoe around and still be a "good" woman. Any talk about it is flat-out sexism. Nigerian women are innately good; Nigerian are naturally bad. Full stop.

Oga, for your mental safety, just leave this bimbo alone, because even if you guys settle, the seed of distrust has been planted in you.

How can you think of applying break or clutch when you want to stop? Just apply gear and see the car come to a grand halt.

kkins25:
come na annad1 open thread, but na south something they reply.. what's going on here?

Na wonders of Nairaland be that.

Oga abeg, let your next topic be rendered as: "The Increasing Oloshorism of Ladies." Thank you.

jfkenny:
What type of lady prefer wedding in her own place of worship instead of the mans.

Oga, put your feet stronlgy down and ensure that the wedding takes place in your church. A woman follows her man to his church, unless where the man grants permission to remain in her church.

Jovialjune1:
I don't want to go tribal, but we know the tribe that do this nonsense, a backward tribe consisting of brainless people.

Nothing is more brainless and even pathetic than your poor and impotent grasp of the English language. First, only a dunce uses "tribe" when she means "ethnic group." Even if one closes his eyes to your illiterate advertisement of a disesteem term, what of your calamitous misuse of concord/agreement? Aunt, "tribe" as used in your poorly written post is a singular word and not a plural word.

To the average Nigerian woman, a good man is a man who has money; one who can solve her financial needs.

Since you married a girl, not even a lady or a woman, shows the death of disrespect you have for your wife even in a public forum. It's strange that your wife and her father are not pleased with you. This story has a genesis; what is it?

Chinelo154:
Good afternoon to everyone my mum is really suffering in her marriage and I really need your advice , I am the first child in a family of 5 children I was born in 1998, my mum is a midwife in a local hospital and my dad is not working for like 10 years. My mum is the breadwinner of the house with her little salary , and I am also working my salary is 12k , out of my younger ones only one is in school the last born 14 years the burden is too much on my mum she cannot afford to train all of us to the university , we thank God we are ssce holders one of my brother is a bricklayer we are stuggling to survive sometime i cried alot when i see my mum stressing herself to put the house in order but my dad doesn't appreciate all her effort . The issue of ground is last wk Friday i returned from work only to find my uncle , his wife and their 5 children in the house , they came from the village i was shocked because we were not aware of their coming , I greeted them and went straight to my mum room, she was in a very bad mood , I asked her if she was fine she didn't say any single words to me, she was badly affected with the coming of my uncle and his family, I felt her pain because she is struggling to keep the family up and in the order side my dad is bending it how asked myself how are we going to survive in a 2 bedroom house with 14 0f us plus feeding and everythng will be in my mum head , my dad has instructed me and my 2 sisters to leave our room for my uncle and his 2 daughters , while we moved to their bedroom and my 2 brothers and my uncle 3 children will sleep in the parlour. How can a big woman like me to be sleeping in my parents room, I did not complain we went to the room we packed our belonging and moved it to my parents room. That night I didn't catch sleep seeing my mum loosing sleep she didn't say anything but she was awake all night , she was trouble a lot was going through her mind , in the morning I heard my uncle wife and mum having a discussion she told her , if she knew the condition we were living was this bad she wouldn't have come , she said my dad has told them to come because things are fine with us and she was disappointed with what she saw , so my mum asked her so my husband was the one that convinced you to moved in the city she said yes , my mum shook her head she didn't say anything else and I become very angry I confronted my dad asking him why did he do this to my mum when he knows the condition is not good, why did he tells his brother to come not just him alone but with his family, he started shouting at me I am not a wife material if I bring this my character of not liking my inlaw to my husband house he will send me packing and he will not allow me back to his house , I have told him he is very wicked he want mum to die so he can bring him another woman , he stood out he went inside the house he started shouting at my mum how dare she ask me to confront him and what's wrong with him bringing his brother to his house, my mum did not send me she is a quiet type and I am not i co fronted him by my own will , he said my mum is wicked woman he was shouting in the presence of my uncle and my uncle has started insulted me too , telling me the house belong to his brother if I am not happy seeing them in the house I should go and rent my own house because he is not leaving anytime soon , if I had somewhere else to go I would have left the same day but I had nowhere to go, I went inside my room crying and later on my aunty was telling me to not mind my uncle , she don't blame me for standing up for my mum because as a woman she is she will not tolerate it she told me she don't know if my dad and her brother are curse they are just lazy and they have left all the responsibility to the wives , she said she can't tell me everything she is also passing through the same thing with my mum , I thanked her for her understanding and for not supporting her husband and my dad. It is been few days now I don't greet nor talk to my dad and uncle , I go to work as usual and when I come home I sleep in the parlour with the boys me on the sofa them on the floor , I am not happy with my dad and I don't think I will ever be happy with him again , did I overreacted for confronting or I did the right thing I am just asking for your advise so i will know the right thing to do after please do not insult me I am wearing the shoe I know where it pinch

If you what wrote here is the truth, you didn't overreact. Your dad is something close to a deadbeat... But your mum is too docile and weak, the very reason your uncle and his family decided to invade your home.

You want to retract the forgiveness already rendered? He wasn't like this before, what happened? Why did he become a changed person?

So the problem here is not so much that he is a divorcee, but that he is highly petty and judgemental. Since his wife that is a perfect foil left him, you know what to expect of you decide to marry him.

She seems like a proficient, generous, and skillful community donor. Oga, please take heart, some married women have way higher number than your wife.

Tamilore11:
Useless tribe dat worships money more dan Anytin. Why won’t u put fake news here, looking for who to scam. The same Chioma ur igbo sister dat prefers to follow her Yoruba bf up n down and leave her child for an igbo house help dat killed him. We yorubas value out kids more dan Money. No wonder u re not married at 40 something. No sane man will bear a child with u because u lack motherly instincts. Ur I’ll watch dem die while u chase other dicks

Oga, you ain't different from that infamous bazaar queen. I'm disappointed you didn't take the high moral ground, instead you showed yourself to be an ethnic chauvinist just like she is. You missed a teachable moment because, even you and your interlocutor, are in dire need of good education.