₦airaland Forum

It saddens me to see more and more women having problems getting pregnant.
So much saddness . This constant hoping and then getting disapointed. I have quite a few friends that have been going through this for years.
Sorry if this is OP but just feel moved to pray for these women.
God please grant every woman seeking the fruit of the womb her hearts desire. Show your mercy and wipe their tears. Fill their homes with the sound of babies crying. Put all those who mock them to shame and let them testify that there is none like you.

Laziness is a serious issue in marriage.
A woman that is lazy cannot be a good mother. She cannot raise her children properly. She simply cannot equip them with the qualities they need later on in life.
She will raise children that can themselves not run a home and these children will also have issues later.
She also cannot fulfil her duties as a wife.
So what exactly is she bringing into the marriage?
Actually nothing. This shortcomming is accute and ever present.
Once househelps notice that you can`t do anything yourself, they also just do what they want. Because if you can´t do it you also can`t control it.
What is a woman that does not have control of her home. When a man has to come home and take care or control of everything.

You cannot build a house with straw and expect it to stand. An introduction over the phone is not a proper introduction so it is not binding on her in any way.
How can she be thinking about disappointing the man and his family? The most important issue here is the stability of the union she is about to go into.
So much to the yoruba man.

I cannot really advice her on whom to choose but she has to reflect on the implication of marriage and of having a family.
Marriage is not something you rush into especially not when the materials with which you want to build your home are self destructive.
It is like building a house with a time bomb and then lamenting when the bomb explodes.
A broken home brings pain and trauma to the parties and also to innocent ones that are not to blame. It can affect the lives of the children for ever. Please let her not use sentiments alone but like a wise builder make sure that the materials she wants to build with can build a solid home that can stand the test of time,

danielmichael:
She sometimes convult and vomit
Her own is very stupid and worst

Please let her endure. As I wrote my daughter was fainting and having black outs it was so scary. She had terrible pains and I had to even help her to get up but it got better with time.

Please don`t think about having a child now.
You would only be transfering her pain to the child. It is very difficult to raise a child when you are young. You make so many mistakes because you just are not settled or experienced enough. The child is the victim of it all.
Please just let her wait so that she can have the joy of getting married and then having a child.

It can indeed be very painful that you are ready to do anything to have it stop.
I had it real bad myself before my first child was born. My two daughters also have terrible pain. Nothing really helps. They just stay in bed and cry. The older one even had blackouts the first few years.

But you can`t use one calamity to solve another. Let her endure till the time is right.

Just do what you have to and don`t let it bother you.
Just give him the basics.
That is life, even the more you try to get out of him the more it will backfire.
A person who does not show gratitude or stops showing it along the way was never ever grateful.

Many young people are very thoughtless and egoistic. They change as they grow older.
You might be surprised at what happens in future. Even if he does not show gratitude, he can`t deny what he is getting.

A wise woman and a good woman would submit to her husband in all things.
If what the man wants is a sin agains God then she is bound to obey the will of God. I think we shouldn't really be asking that because the answer is obvious.
Submitting to your husband does not come natural to many women you really have to work at it over and over again but with time if you really try you can achieve this.
You even learn to be proud of yourself for having that quality because it really is the foundation of a good home and family.
As the bible says .. all is vanity but true love is not boastful or proud.
It is so much easier and humorous when a woman submits to her husband than when she is in constant power struggle with the man.
Some people argue that men could abuse submissiveness. But men also abuse women who are not submissive.
The most important thing is at the end of the day you know you gave your best, you did it right in the eyes of God and of man.
The man is the head of the home and the woman cannot be equal to the man. Even if you are superior to him by virtue of education or any other reason. It is your duty to relinquish that superiority and place yourself under him. That is true love and that is one of the most relevant qualities of a good wife.

Icecomrade:
Merchant Banks or commercial Banks? Is it 30yrs ago or About 20yrs ago?

Please what transpired with influx of new generation banks at about the time you are making reference that are stuck in the head of our old parents?

I am making reference to the merchant banks that was about 30 years ago There about. At that time the parents of this guy must have been young themselves.
. I think I have explained enough and sorry I don't understand your question.

Icecomrade:
Whose opinion is it that the job has a bad reputation?

I guess most people of his parents age share that opinion.
About 30 years ago when there was the boom of merchant banks in Nigeria and marketers. As at that time many of them had little idea of anything to do with banking.
merchant banks sprang up then like mushrooms . It took some years before the government became more alert .
I do not doubt that the job of a marketer today is highly qualified and professional but parents of today probably still have the old picture in their head.

Since you leave home early you want someone to overtake your duties. My dear these duties are that of an adult not that of a child.
If you do not cope with the duties and work how would a child cope? ..or is she not to go to school.? This is child abuse.
Another issue is how long before the girl matures and what do you then with this young fresh Virgin? Kick her oug because she is undergoing a natural development.
You can't have your cake and it it. When you get someone to overtake your wifely duties she might soon also overtake the benefits.

Icecomrade:

Are you seriously concluding that she already has compromised character as a female Marketer in a bank.

If yes, how did come about your judgment.
If no, what's the basis for your advice here. Cos I clicked Share to it

As I wrote she should be judged by her qualities and not by her job.
The job of a bad reputation. Certainly does not mean that every woman conpromses in the job .
But I go a step Futher to say even if she did it might be circumstances that led to it.
Nigeria is a country without any social or welfare system. In such a country it is unfair to stand in judgment over anyone that has to compromise. This is the sad situation and abuse of wo.en brought about by a foul system.

kstadaura:
am not discriminating against anybody.

ok since the dictionary definition is your problem pls tell me who is bastard in your own native language?

I don`t have a problem with the level of your reasoning
You are in the majority.
I was only trying to stimulate you intellectually.

kstadaura:
I have seen many young ladies that have given birth to bastards, in their parent's house,although they still look pretty and have suitors but that sounds awkward to me. i am not saying that they should be isolated or hated for having bastards but i just cant do it.
just recently a friend of mine(lady) whom i have crush on,is pregnant out of wedlock, the moment i heared that i just dont feel the way i use to feel about her.......its really disturbing.
guys can you marry a lady who had a bstard?

there is something very unfair about the way we look at things. So many people commit the most hideous sins and crimes and don`t get tagged for life. A child that is born out of wedlock becomes tagged for life even though it is absolutely innocent.

Kstadaura. No human being should be discriminated on account of his / her origin or circumstances of birth.
I might as well call you a nigger and refer you to the dictionary.

I wish for you that you would become more humane and learn to judge people by the true values that really count in life.

The marriage is certainly not fake and neither is the signature forged. It is his own signature and that can be proved easily today.

I would be curious to know in which country this takes place.
In some countries for instance you can have a signature comprising of anything but when you want to sign certain important documents you need to sign with your surname. I had to sign a document once they wanted my signature to comprise of my surname and first name
Now this is a signature I have never used before.

However the reason he is doing this is even more important than what he has done. She needs to find out the reason and also reassess the marriage.

This is not an introvert but a woman who wants you for herself. She does not see a family as being more than man - wife and child.
Your parents recognise that and have rightly labelled her as what she is. This lady will bring a strain into your home and affect your relationship.
Please stop labelling her an introvert that is not what she is. AN introverted or shy woman will still reach out to your family and spend time with them and do things with them. She just wouldn't talk much but that would not disturb anyone.
This kind of woman will kick against you spending time with your family or having them over to visit. You better heed your parents and resolve this issue clearly.

If I must be honest the feeding pf the kids is one of the smallest and easiest tasks. Besides most children like things that are easily prepared. What about the bathing.cleaning , homework and and...

You are a wounded child and that is why the scars from your childhood are being reopened. But this man is not your father and you are not your mother. Marriage does not make anyone wiser or more mature overnight it is a process.
The first thing you need to do is give your husband a clean slate.You need to wipe out your parents story from his slate
The next thing you need to learn is not to take marriage so serious. Today the only reason people live together is becauuthey want to. If love and hamony is gone. What is left? CERTAINLY marriage is a divine contract and worth giving sacrifice for but it does not work out if you are so tied up and serious. Please learn to ignore some things and laugh over others it helps more than the most logical arguments. Men are like children when you pamper them and remain calm you get more results. When the atmosphere is tense call him or send him a message that you love him and can't wait for him to come home. Pet him when he is angry don't always try to iron things out.Sometimes it is better to laugh things out.or let them just fly over.nd even when angry and mad always show him respect and ask for forgiveness when you have wronged him.

There is so much more to marriage than you can ever understand unless you have spent some years in it. Especially in an African marriage where family is still held in high esteem. Also the Impact of a divorce on the spouses and kid's is terrible. Marriage comes with allot of joy but also with pain. The parents are aware of this and want to avoid their son making a wrong choice. However the girl should be judged by all her qualities and not her job. Sometimes a LovePeddler can make a better wife than a Virgin. It might have been circumstances that led her to have to take the job. It is also circumstances that make women compromise their bodies . As long as the man can deal with her past if the woman has good qualities and he loves her let him go ahead. But parents hardly change their opinion for the better. She would be on scrutiny throughout the marriage.

These kid`s have been watching oo many movies.
Abeg wake up this is Niga!

Well they did not give birth to the child the surrogate mum did. So this is no news.

I am not guilty ofthis offence

You need to go down on your knees and beg for her forgiveness. Most importantly beg her to pray for you and ask God to remove the curse you have just invoked on your head.
This is an abomination!

It just pisses me that there is so much discussion about lesbians and co...
We are just advertising a disgusting rebellious act.

Lady, love who or what you like and marry who or what you like.
As far as I am concerned you can fall in love with the cucumber in your fridge !
Sorry, just want my kid`s to grow up in a decent world.

Richy4:
The husband of your friend is a wise man.

The point is that your friend doesn't know if the guy speak to his parents or brother privately....

He can't just start yelling at his parent in front of you just to impress you. Doing that alone will give you the license to do the same in future. That's the reason why you do not have the guts to do it.

Tell your friend to let him be. He is the definition of a perfect gentle man. His type is not common in Nigeria i presume.

You robbed me of everything I was about to say!!!
Absolutly correct!!!!

If i might just add no one is perfect.

Love is not the ability to love perfection but to love despite imperfection!

It does not make a lady look cheap!












IT MAKES HER CHEAP!!!

Very sad Does anyone know the details of the fundraising account?

The rate of adoption is increasing steadily. I have a couple of friends who have adopted.
You might think it is a sucess story in the western world but it is not. Many adoptions also go wrong along the line and the kids are quit traumatised. One really needs to have the heart for it. The best thing is to stay away if you and your spouse are not absolutely convinced because you will be doing more harm than good.

Indeed thee devil abideth in the church
We have to pray seriously for some pastors and priests. God knows the devil tempts them more than us.

Well how on earth can she take care of the baby while taking her exams!
Exposing the baby to unnecessary stress.Please thats a baby and not a toy.

Others out there are praying for their parents to accept the child. This world ! You can never please humans!

Antoinne:
Is that not a sign of cluelessness comparing fat with unmarried?

Don`t you think you are being rude

ireneidiva:
Marriage is a wonderful thing. But please marriage is not the ultimate achievement in life. What did you think God meant when he said be fruitful? You think he meant you should go and have 16 children? Pls that's where the degree part comes in. And sit in your house like the birds and bees and wait for food. A marriage where you and your husband are almost killing each other is an achievement right? I give up. Anybody can get married but not anybody can get a degree so this degree you are looking down on is even more of an achievement.

Well I worked allot harder at my degree than at having a baby but the joy I had with the birth of my child can never be compared with a degree