₦airaland Forum

Left to me even the wife should pay when she takes things from the shop.

He who gave life is worthy of prays praise and acknowledgment. We owe God our prayer with every breath we take. Your wife knows that and God speaks through humans to us. There are so many trials and tribulations in life. In all things put God first.

Handle it and live with it, it is only for a while.
You know the culture , you are not the first woman to cope with it so just try and pray for God to give you the patience and strength.
It will be hectic and hard but when she goes end of topic.
However if you choose to confront the situation, she will leave your house with stories and spend the rest of her life waging war against you.
If you truly love your husband make that sacrifice. It is difficult for any one to be torn between his/her mother and the spouse.
Maybe you can ask for someone else to also come at that time, a relation from your side who can help you cope.
Be wise and patient and all will go well. Mother in laws are jealous of their sons wife. She does not mean you harm, she just longs for more attention of her son.
Go out of your way to show her that she has not lost a son but gained an extra daughter and grandchildren.
Try to handle the situation with love and understanding and you will surely prevail.
I know it is hard because a woman is most vulnerable after giving birth but God will see you through. And do not fail to show your husband your weakness and your difficulty in coping with everything. Communicate with him respectfully and he will certainly help you out also by appealing to his mother to show more understanding.
Another issue is that your MIL may not help if you do not directly ask for help.- Mama please carry the baby while I wash the cloths. She might not want to interfere. If she wakes up latter let her bath the baby when she wakes up. A baby must not birth first thing in the morning. The woman has had a hectic life, let her also have some rest now.

I think you overreacted by giving her the car in the first place.
A girl who can afford a car was not in need of your car.
If she is well mannered and from a cultured home she should not have accepted that gift. Such gifts are not given without strings attached. Now you have the problem that the circle is being continued.
It is a great gift but then you should have waited till you are at least engaged. The gift was just not appropriate at that stage.
Please for her next birthday give a her something romantic.

This question in 2015.
Na wahO! And I thought I was old fashioned and loads of the younger generation are on Nairaland.
This question should no longer be asked in this time and age!
What a man and wife do behind close doors is sacred.
It is important that man and wife have a healthy sex life. This can only be achieved through love, the willingness to explore and also to be open to new ideas.
Without this sex becomes boring and an odeal for some women.
Hopwever the greatest factor is the mind. There has to be love, romance and flirt in a healthy marriage.

If your body aches from house chores with just one kid then obviously you are not in good condition. That is probably because you are not used to hard work or doing any form of sports.
I assume that you are still young so this should not be a problem for you. If you love your husband you would do these chores happily to please him and build your home, your kids would be happy and learn from you.
Women do so much more for their families and still keep a full time job. That is why mothers are indeed supreme and worthy of respect. This is the same here and everywhere in the world.
Getting a househelp is an option but is she not a human being too? She also knows what body pain is?
If you want your husband to help you then you need to know how to ask for help and mostly how to show appreciation for the help. When you want something specific plead with him to help you. -"Darling please can you help me fetch two buckets of water, my waist is paining me?" When he does it show appreciation and joy. Most men would help even if they do it reluctantly.
Those women that get help from their men know how they got their men to help them.
You haven`t learnt how to ask.
Also it is not for you to question your husband`s use of his phone. Would you rather have him going out and leaving you alone in the house. You ought to be happy that he is at home with you.
Just train your kid`s well and in a few years the work will reduce for you.

Most children that stay are still at home at that age feel just like you do. It is difficult for parents to let go and it is also difficult for children to abide by laws.
You are at an age where you feel you know it all better and that your mum is outdated. But some things never change.
This kind of pressure can motivate you positively to get independent fast and move out..
Don`t be too hard on your mum, she really cares and loves you. She just is so scared of you making mistakes and wants to protect you from the wicked world out there.
There are so many things my dad told me at that age, that I never believed or found absolutely weird or ridiculous. Today I know better.

Finally no one ever gets freedom offered on a plate. Mostly you have to fight for it.
So you need to free yourself. At your age and more so as a man, you have to learn to give your mother her boundaries. It is because you have not done that, that she still treats you like a child.
Don`t be rude but let her know with respect those decisions you now take by yourself. You see this is also absolutely okay in every culture and under ever law.

pablomaria:
.sensible comment

My Gyn. prescribed this belt for me when pregnant. I had such terrible pain in my pelvis and could hardly walk because of the weight and the nerves were affected too.
It was a real relief and helped so much. It is certainly much better than taking medication against pain when pregnant. The belt does not in any way press on the baby.
However normally you get your size measured and the get the belt. Don`t know if they also have a universal size.
Actually no need for the belt if there is no pain or not recomended by the doctor.

The fact that you are living with your mum does not make a difference. As your age and status rises so also must your respect for your mother rise.
Maintain the culture and the family tradition. This issue is so trivial to offend your mother over.
If your fiancee can not concede now how would she be able to concede later when difficult issues arise.
In every culture and tradition there are different values and decent folks abide by them.
A man who lives without regard for his tradition is either a beast or a God_ Aristotle.

In fact it beats me that your fiancee is waiting to be told a second time!

Go to the royal houses in Europe you will also see tradition and culture there and it is adhered to . I always maintain that it is the educated and so called high class that should lay more emphasis on tradition.

You better man up before you tie the nut.
Your mother is doing the right thing and for your own good.

Well look at it this way. If she had to ask you for money again within such a short time then she lied to you the first time. She knew she would pay back and you out of generosity waved it off as a gift.
Now paying back money is a matter of priority. If you want to pay back a loan you can even if it means breaking it in installments.

I think it is also wrong for you as a young man to get involved in this kind of thing because it would look suspicious to your girlfriend. Sadly these days men hardly help women without an ulterior motive. Please next time ask her to go to your girlfriend and make the request through her.

Finally if the money is budgeted for your school then you do not have any money to lend!

Imagine that the whole audience is sitting in their underwear. LOL
The best way is not to kick against it out accept it and realise that others have the same problem too.
I would address it openly to the audience and that way you lighten up the atmosphere and the audience cooperate by being more attentive and helping you out.
How do the help out. Well try speaking to an audience that is not focused, making noise or just staring at you without any positive feedback.
It would suffice if you say something like
- I am really nervous in front of such a large / prestigious gathering.
- I am honoured to speak to you today.
- Sorry, I am somewhat nervous

The first thing is to win your audience over by being honest about it and then they will help you along and motivate you.
With practise it gets better.

you need to mind your biz. Your mum has been with him all these years. She knows why.
Just let it be. YOur father may be having some condition like depression and it is not easy for a man to stand up when he falls. Some men never make it up and then they get depressed and cannot cope. Stop putting pressure on your mother to do what her heart does not want to do.
You struggle and in a few years time you will be able to relieve your mum.
That is why mother is supreme! She carries all the load and she sacrifices.

If a woman wants to cheat on you, she can do it anywhere and at any time. There simply has to be trust in a marriage.
Why did the man agree for the cousin to stay if he does not have it in him to accept such a thing without suspicion?
Some men are really something else.

schmilez:
What caused d quarrel this last time was this.he came home and met me sleeping because I had come back from work with a little headache I had even bought something to eat on d way so I will not have to cook for myself.ate and decided to rest.I dosed off .I woke up to the sound of him coming in and playing with our daughter and this is someone that when he is sleeping i tiptoe around him because I have made the mistake once of waking him up when when his boss was calling and I received the insults of my life.he didn't speak to me for at least a month after this and didn't eat either.that period was hell for me.
Back to the matter he asked me what was wrong even though I had d pillow over my head I answered nothing, looked at the time realised it was some minutes past 6 ,mind you my husband doesn't let anybody cook for him except him.I got up went to the bathroom,washed my face and my mouth came out to the bedroom,told him welcome and asked him what he wanted for dinner.all I got was silence.I asked him about 3 times and no response.he changed and left me alone in the bedroom.I thought about ignoring him but I decided against it and followed him to the living room and I repeated the question when I didn't get an answer I decided to ask him what I did wrong.and that was when he started shouting that he was asking me a question and I didn't reply him, tried explaining that I did and all and then he stormed off into the room.I didn't know when tears dropped out from my eyes ,felt so helpless and defenseless and that Was when I shouted at him that God will judge him for accusing me wrongly and why did he want to just pick a fight with me.needing closure I went into the room telling him that I said really answered him and all,he started screaming at me telling me he didn't have time for any rubbish and stuff.I had my back to the door and when he started getting forcefully trying to open the door forcefully.I left him so that he will not injure me

Not wanting to blame you but you really have to work on yourself! You bought something for yourself to eat?
Why not for the two of you.
So if you did not want to cook later and you knew this, why did you not also buy food for him or simply call him and let him know the situation. He might have brought food home for the home.
When he asked you what was wrong with you you gave a silly answer. .. NOTHING. Well someone with nothing ought to be up and cooking for her husband .
And upon all this you still shouted at him-Bad manners . Darling I have a headache would have been more appropriate.

You still stopped him from leaving the room.
A woman that was too sick to cook had so much energy for a fight?
.. and now your husband is gone and you have not gone to look for him and plead?

You are making some big mistakes and you need to change that fast or you might loose a good thing.
Nothing wrong with your husband, he just is a no nonsence man.

I remember years back I wanted to visit Nigeria with my kids. I went with my husband and booked he tickets. I planned to stay one month. Two weeks before my trip my husband said I should leave the kid`s. He dd not give me any reason.
It was hard but I had to respect his wish. They were his kid`s.
I had to make the trip alone and cut it short.
It is the right of a man or woman to decide if they want such a trip or not. Not just financial issues. So many things can happen on the way. Sometimes you just have a feeling that danger looms and you start making every kind of reason.
I remember last two summers my kids wanted to visit my sister in law. I did not want it but they pleaded. I insisted they go with the train and not the car. They went with the train but my husband decided to pick them. that Sunday I was in church praying and something just came over me. I was like in a negotiation with God on who to take if anything happened and I found myself praying and telling God. None of them, why must I loose anyone, I love them all. An hour later my husband called me. They had had an accident a car had run into them. I still ave shivers when I remember. Sorry a bit off point ...

As regards your in laws. package their daughter and send her back to them.
She is not on your side. If she was such a thing would never have happened. Three kid`s and no loyalty to her husband
When she comes to her senses she will come begging with the family.

You need to make a statement here or you will keep being a victim of abuse and they might kill you one day.

Send her away and get some security at your gate. You need to be hard and firm on this.

This is so sad!
The faith of most of us I fear!
With the high tech, high performance, high stress, high speed the world is moving at right now our kid`s will hardly have time for us.

A parent can feed ten kid`s.
Ten kid`s cannot feed a parent.

I think privacy should be respected even in a marriage.
I have access to my husbands phone and he does no lock it but it would never cross my mind to go through it.
If I can`t trust a man I cannot share a bed and home with him.
I don`t think I need a phone to tell me what kind of man I have and what he is up to.

I just would find it so degrading having o spy after my husband r partner

Our black brothers and sisters in SA seem to have lost it

Husbands have always been scarce.
The girls first look for MR. Rich right.
Then after a couple of years Mr potential manageable
And finally Mr. any one can serve.

Advice to girls - make sure you jump on the wagon on time!

You did not need to marry her to get your papers. You married her or her money and the convenience.
Ye sadly you were and are not prepared to play the role of husband.

I have to commend this woman. She is very calm! She really is well mannered and always remained calm and polite, no abuses no insults.

Mr OP 150 Euro child support is peanuts. You should be ashamed to mention it. That money is not enough to take care of a child.

FAZIT You are a let down!

And putting your daughter in the public glare is awful ! It tells so much about you.

Women are the same everywhere and with every color. They need tender loving care!

Bibol:
Madam this your generalization is, permit me to say, very wrong. I know you believe so much in marriage, so do I. But to say in the western world, people respect married folks more than the single ones, that is incorrect. Westernized folks are more concerned about things like paying your bills and being independent than marrying and raising a family. Why do you think they sign a prenup before marriage?
A lot of them are now adopting babies or keeping pets to kill the boredom in their lives, and yet people respect them in their society to the fullest. In a lot of African countries, Yes, respect for a woman is attached to her marital status, it's the way our society has been structured and that may not change in 200 years. All these oyinbo people are not like us. This does not erase the fact that marriage is a good and honorable institution but people should be respected firstly, because they are humans and then for the value they add to the society.

I live in the western world and I have seen it applies here too just as much as anywhere in the world.

As I told you you have to keep all other variables constant. A lot of people that are not married in the western world did not make a decission of choice but simply could not find a partner.
BEing married shows social competence and stability. In the western world it is not just about skills but allot of emphasis is paid on team work and social competences.
This does not mean that being married is the only criteria for respect. Certainly not. It is one criteria and for this criteria being marrieg gains you more respect than not being married.


And this is simply reflected in all aspects of life.
Married women get are given priority at work, when it comes to taking leave, work time and so much more.
Married people have tax benefits and marriage has so much protection under the law.

In many countries marriage is a special right guaranteed by the constitution and protected by law.
That is reflected in all aspects of life. You need to give it some deeper thought.

Also in most religion marriage is respected and even encouraged.

This is not about comparing the married market seller with Genevive.

dre11:
But you forgot that this is not her first marriage and the man is not the owner of the children the woman did gave birth too........


So why would he now wake up after 17years and say he wants a divorce without concrete evidence as you have stated.....

[bAt least he would have walked out a long time ago ........since she said 'he is a good man that shoulder all responsibilities he needs to concerning the family[/b]

Just the point. A woman in her second marriage will tolerate so much more because she wants desperately to make it work.
Also the man was taking care of the kid`s from the first marriage so what more could she desire.

She said he is a good man because she has no bitterness against him and I believe the man must be a good man that just wants to be free to graze somewhere else. IF she was a bd woman she would build up terrible stories about him too. She wants her husband. It is the man that is fed up. Seem this happen over and over again.

Alcatraz001:
I used to think you were more matured and all, I can't believe you typed this post in response to the OP's Post. How Old are you Sir?

Hard but true words from Cooger!
Sorry OP my first reaction was to laugh at the post. .. what a weak man.

It seems Nigerian men are loosing it
Second funny post I am comming accross today!

MY dear this is a problem mothers face. You have to joggle and patch and make it work.
Maybe your husband can also once in a rare while take a day or two off. The kid`s are also his

Not my opinion but a fact! Maybe we have some teachers here and others in other related professions who can testify to this.

Your friend better pick his pants and put them on
How can a man come home from work and no food waiting for him!
Hell I am a woman but in the holidays if I come home from work and the kid`s have not tidied and cleaned up- Hell will break loose!
Is he a slave for the woman. What happened to division of labour? A home is a joint responsibility.
WOMAN WRAPPER!
Does he think going out and exposing himself to disease and dangers will help him?
He should insist on his wife performing her marital duties even if it means he has to shout it on the mountain top.

If she refuses send her home to have a good think!
Probably he grew up without a dad and never learnt to be a man.

FrancisTony:
I don't know any respect awarded specially to married women. Maybe, you can help me with one.

I know a rich single woman who attend her child school occasions and no one disrespects her.

By the way, I'm not a female--single mother.

No one disrespects a singles mother in the school. Everyone is worthy of respect. However the fact that the mother is not married has an impact on the child. As soon as the child has problems the teachers will assume it is because the child is growing up in a single home. No matter how much the single mother puts in she is at a disadvantage here.
The same goes for married women. They are given more respect. To assess this you have to keep all other variables at a constant.
Would a married Genevieve not be more respected than an unmarried one.
Would a married president not be respected more than an unmarried one?
When you stand in front of a judge, you get treated and accessed differently if you are married. Same goes for children who commit offences. When they come from a broken/ single home it has an impact on the case.
Everywhere in the world marriage give you a boost in respect. This is a simple fact.

The man is lying. He wants out of the marriage. Some men tell horrible lies ad can say anything against a woman. He has absolutely no proof.
Why did he bring it up at the divorce and not go to police.

FrancisTony:
I think it's only on internet e.g Nairaland family section that marriage is over-rated.

For example; Genevieve is unmarried and only on cyberspace that men and women will insult her about her marital status.
In the real world, they won't have an effrontery to confront her but will lick her feet instead of that married Mama Nkechi or Tolu with seven kids waiting for her husband to provide everything.

Thank God internet has given some Nigerian an avenue to portray their chauvinistic tendency they can't do offline infront of an accomplished lady.

This is not entirely correct.
Genevive may be admired and respected for her fame and also her achievements- I have great respect for her to.
However an unmarried person lacks many qualities that married people have and are respected for.
Also a woman without a child lacks many qualities a mother has. That s because marriage , motherhood and fatherhood have an impact on you.
Attend your child`s school as a single mother, you notice the difference

Kingsleyinfo:
Cunning answer, we know who a responsible woman should be, question is, do you agree with the statement and why?

She is not materialistic but pays attention to the material.

A responsible woman will not want to put herself in a situation he get`s desperate. Many offences are committed in desperation.
A responsible woman also wants to be able to offer her children something.
However a responsible woman will not marry a man just for his money.
A responsible woman would like to know the source of the money.

Who is like God!
His miracles never cease!
He is faithful!