₦airaland Forum

damiso:
I learnt how to back my babies at home, in church when they were getting restless. And it used to really settle them esp when my daughter was a bit colicky.

I never got the courage to try it while out and about.

I don't know why i kept thinking they could slip and fall off my back. Even my mum does not know how to back babies so I learnt from older ladies in church when the babies were getting restless during service.

I had to learn it too with my kid`s my mother was not a Nigerian and also did not know how to back a baby. I backed my dolls as a kid but it is not the same as backing a baby. It took me time to learn but when I did it was very convenient. You can back your baby and do all (most) your house-chores. By the third baby I was an expert, could even back it under a month.

I am looking forward to the continuation. Something refreshing about te way you write. Heed the advice above even if it was strongly worded.

FrancisTony:
Why insult fat women to drive home your point?
As in, "consoling?"

Was not meant as an insult. Most women including myself have issues with weight especially after childbearing. It is normal and we should accept it as an issue we have to deal with or live with.

babygirlfl:
True. Nobody has the right to take life.




I don't think the law was protecting any gender. when a marriage breaks down, the proceeds from the marriage is divided between the couple. However, when kids are involved, the kids become the priority and it only makes sense that the spouse who gets the kids keeps the house. You do not expects the kids to leave the house. In other words, the kids get to stay in the house with the parent who gets full custody. If the husband gets custody, he stays with the kids in the house while the wife leaves the house. If the wife gets custody, she stays with the kids in the house while the husband leaves the house.

People exploit laws wherever possible. Men in Nigeria exploit women everyday because the law favours them. The same man goes abroad and starts shouting exploitation. Have we not heard of women being chased out of a house she built with her husband? So my dear, most people will exploit the law when possible. Most of the men who go home to marry are also exploiting the Nigerian laws and culture as they hope their bride remains bound by the Nigerian law. Unfortunately, for the men, most ladies will change.



Respect is reciprocal and both partners should respect each other.



I understand what you are saying. People go through a lot sometimes to go into and get their stay abroad. Some women went through same thing and went home to marry a man only for the man to get his papers and divorce her to marry another woman. Do these men deserve to be killed?

Your story is one sided. Have you spoken to women who married these kind of men? Most of these men want them to remain perpetual slaves because they brought these women abroad. You need to first of all understand the psychology of most men who go home to marry. Most of them are men who want a slaves and not a wife. The almost always leave a girlfriend abroad to marry one from home. They want women they can control. They go for those women they think they can control. With this type of man, having an opinion can be interpreted as arrogance because they expect you to jump at their command.

You need to also understand the psychology of most of these women these men marry. These are women who want to go abroad by all means. They don't care what type of man he is. They just want any man that can take them abroad. Some of these women even go into nursing school with the mind that these men from abroad can come and whisk them away.

Now this two people getting married is disaster. It's just a matter of time. If anything has to be done to curb this menace both sides of the divide should be addressed.

Thank you for covering this topic more extensively. I indeed only analysed the öne side of the coin . You flipped it. I agree with you on the whole .

Trust is good but control is better.
It was wrong to give a child at that age this gadget without constant control.
It was a mere coincidence that you discovered it.
So you and the family also have a part blame to carry.
She needs to be educated and not punished.

The sad thing is that you might receive the same treatment when you go somewhere else.
This is hard but we all went through it at some stage of our life when we were dependent on others.

BE humble and make sure you help very actively in the house. It might be he is pissed because you are not doing enough.
This is a good training you are experiencing- we learn more from bad experiences.

This is the time to turn to God and not to man. All you need is to humble yourself to cope with him and to wait for the good times to come. They always do:

Fat women console themselves with - i feel comfortable in my body.
Unmarried women with- marriage is not the ultimate.

Marriage is the ultimate achievement in life.
God made woman for man and said we should go into the world and procreate.

God did not say - go in the world and get a degree.

All the degrees you have and all the jobs are merely - toiling with hands to eat.
Yet even the bird's and the bees do not toil and they eat.

No one not even the state or any institution has the right to take life.
But of what use is this when the life has been blown out. We need to look for ways to prevent it happening.
Laws made to protect women before are now being used by women to exploit men.
These laws where made when women had a disadvantage on the job market but modern technology has made it possible for women to do every job a man can do.
So the women today are more exposed more educated and are using the laws as a weapon to deal with the men.

I just find it sickening when I see how some of these girls that came from home talk to their husbands.
I always scold them when they do it in my presence.A woman's respect is her husband. Respect your husband and you achieve more respect for yourself.
I don`t even understand how a woman can live under the same roof with a man she does not respect!A real woman delights joy in respecting her husband and submitting to him.
Gosh when I try to imagine how a home would be where this is missing!
When you respect and love a man you share everything with him. It is no longer about mine and yours.

I know some will say the men are not working hard enough but did the women not know that when they followed him there.
What people do not understand is that there is sometimes a very long and hard process to first get into America and then have the right to stay there. These men have sometimes spent years living a hard life without a regular routine. So they have in some ways been broken by the system. Now the woman the marry and brings does not go through that struggle. She now gets there and spits in the face of the man that provided her with something better.
So sad in a foreign land the family should be strong and united to survive. Now the man is gone the home is broken and hardly any good comes out of the kid`s.

osereka:
sorry u are not at home to see how real mothers carry their children.
        which one be carrier or buggy? dem no de back pickin for oyinbo land? use wrapper tie the child to ur back like  a good african woman.

I absolutely support that. I have a buggy and my wrapper.
You get backache from a carrier and you cannot do much with your hands.
There is no where I did not feel comfortable backing my baby.
When I watch some of our young Nigerian girls out here. Punishing themselves instead of simply backing the baby
The funny thing is that the women out here buy an expensive cloth and even go to classes and learn how to ties it. I even saw a woman that constructed something with her jacket so that she can carry the baby on the back. When I walked through the town women stopped me to ask me to show them how to tie the wrapper.

Another very important factor. Spreading the legs wide is very good for the hip bone. So many many adults in the western world have artificial hipbones. This is because their legs were not spread as kids.

From the view of the child: Here is someone who will take mum`s love away and who I have to share mum with.
Give her time to get used to you. It is harder for her than for you.
Be patient.
Imagine if you get married and have kid`s. Your son or daughter has a big sister to take care and show love to her /him.
I think it is great that you are honest about how you eel to yourself.
Nine is already quite an age. Before you can blink an eye she will be all grown up.

My husband is a practicing moslem and a very staunch one as that.
I have to be sincere I have also gone quite deep into Islam once but somewhere along the line I had the deep desire to revert to the religion of my childhood.
Religion is an issue in our family but certainly not a problem.
My children are practicing moslems because we agreed on this before we married. At that stage I did not place so much emphasis on religion. Today I do not think I might agree to such a compromise.
Not because I think one religion is better than the other but because I am very active in the church and my kid`s are then not by my side.
Occasionally the come to church like when there is a function. My husband also comes with them and even goes into the church.
My husband believes his religion is the true religion but I guess we all do somehow.
However he does not stop me from practicing my religion but even encourages me.
I am also very proud of my husband being a moslem because I just love the way he is so devoted to his prayers and he really has faith.
Despite the huddles I think it is also a vast enrichment for our children. They have learnt how to practice their religion and yet respect all other religions. At the end of the day, we all serve the same God.

bukatyne:
Thanks, will be waiting.

I don`t really know how to explain it but I put tried to find means to make things easier.- I don`t by things that make dirt. I avoid themlike popcorn. . Anything I buy, dec, furniture, cloths i asses the ease oor difficulty of getting it clean.
- I pay more emphasis on keeping clean than tidying up because you can clean all you like for hours, you achieve nothing if it get`s scattered faster than you clean.
- one of my major cleaning methods is disposal. It is amazing how some people just have so many things hurded, you cant make it look tidy.
I try to make things easy in the kitchen. Like I wash my beans for moi moi in bulk and freeze them.
I try to get as much help as I cam from my husband.
I don`t enslave myself to my chores. When I am tired then it has to wait for another day.

You have to learn to stop putting preasure on yourself. You cannot be 100% mother and 100% career woman.

DO YOUR BEST AND LEAVE THE REST TO REST.

winner01:
Rome was not built in a day, training begins from infantry,...the little things overlooked will grow to be a monster.....parents are 85% responsible for rebellious teens, they should also lead by example,...A teen can still be spanked in my opinion.

I absolutely agree.
The damage is done when they are still tender. As teenagers they are just putting into practice what is already programmed in them.

bukatyne:
Thanks but the answer was not specific na

I wanjted specific instances

I promise tomorrow. Was working the whole say today in the church.

I breastfed my kids at my convenience and nor that of others. Of you don't like what you see remove your eyes.

bukatyne:
How did you learn to work around it?

When the kids were young, etc.

Thanks

I was younger and had more energy. But it still drove me mad and was very exhausting.

I have coped for twenty years without help It is hard but the best thing for the family. You learn to share responsibilities and you learn teamwork. It also equips the kid's for later.

From the mouth of babies comes the truth. But sorry I just think it was not an appropriate topic on a consolation visit. A woman in pain should be consoled and not made aware that her children she has left have issues. I believe in this case it is the adult that said the damndest thing.

God knows it is not easy to be a woman

But never forget your major duty as a wife is to love your husband, respect him, submit to him and share his bed
You have left your duties as a wife and are performing his duties. The danger is that when a woman becomes the provider she looses respect. So all the hard work you are doing is reduced to negative because you left your duties to perform his
Please try to do less so you can cope with the duties of a wife.
Also you are enabling him to be laid back by taking over all his duties. The woman supports the man. Even if you are working you are his supporter.
When my husband was studying years back I took extra pain tk be totally respectful because I did not want him to misread my actions. It was difficult but I am still reaping the reward years later.
Please try to restore your husband in his role as the man of the house .

The sad and tragic thing is that today one is even scared to speak out against gay marriages because that is wrong in the eyes of the wold today
It is obvious the white mans bible was not written for them. They should know better.
Same sex marriage is everyone´s business because it goes agains God`s law and the laws of procreation.
I don´t hate them, and we should not condemn them but condemn their action that is wrong.
The society is encouraging this gay thing so much that the number of them is increasing steadily.
This thing has always been around why suddenly now this explosion?
No matter how fine you try to coat it... it is one man f.... the other in the.....
I pray for my children.. may I never live to see such in my family.

Men are to blame for that!
They are not trying to sell their samsung that is why the keep it covered.
When you want to sell something have to put it on show.
So that is what they are doing.
And I do not necessarily mean just prostitutes or women that sleep with men for money. The whole world is a market.
The same applies on the job market and in society.

After a certain age a woman should be very clear about what she wants in a relationship.
I think it is time i settle down is a clear indication. The man can take it or leave it.
I think it is wicked for a man to date a woman at the age for so long without marrying her.

Lady before the marriage is the time to say what you want and lay the cards on the table.
Tell the man to introduce you to his family or to get the hell out of your life.

helovesme:
word !

even people wey chop belleful remain (both husband and wife) with access to subsidized child care, free school for kids, free healthcare, and even state benefits (if they decide to tow that line) are not having 4kids these days.

I have more than 10.So that is not quite right.
Having kid's is something you have to be convinced about . You also need your husband to want it too.
Left to some people we would soon have forced sterilisation.

MADNESS

You can divorce him in the US. They would simply apply the nigerian law...The marriage has broken down irrevocably. He would be served with the papers through the US embassy in Nigeria. But the divorce has to be endorsed later by a Nigerian court. This does not need to interest you unless you are planning to marry another nigerian.

What a foolish woman. was she not punishing herself as well?
Either that or they have both been at it outside.

Tell them you prayed about it and God showed you that he decreed this job for you. Are their prayers superior to yours?
It is always good to be in a permanent job before getting pregnant. Besides if the job is mot suitable you can always look for another or quit. A job is not a bondage. You have better bargaining powers looking for a job when you are already in one.
The most important thing is not the message but how you convey it. . With respect for them and their opinion and in all humility. Assure your husband that you wish to support him and gather some job experience before the babies come.

If you can take a ..For better for worse vow for a man then what about your own child. Your blood. A responsibility from God. It is when child err fall or are in distress they need ltheir parents to be there for them. To stand by them and help them overcome. I would certainly stand by my daughter and go that road with her. Despite the circumstances that child will be born into a home where love and care awaits it. I would want my daughter to go through the pregnancy and experience the joy of motherhood and grow into the responsibility of being a mother. Yes I would build her up to continue to make the best out of the world. As much as I love culture and tradition the highest aim is ..In all thongs to show love. A woman that says yes to life is more courageous than one who terminates. Throw stones at this post if you please. It is my opinion and I have a right to it. I love my children too much to abandon them.

It is a not early and besides pap has hardly any nutrients.

DzTzl:
How old are you??

Old enough to understand life

No smoke without fire. Do you want us to believe that the women in the neighbourhood have nothing better to do than accuse you wrongly? You are doing something very wrong in the marriage. I also can't believe the brother threatened your life for one slap. It wasn't the first time and they have had enough of your violence. Your money should also be a support to your wife. Where do you want her to get the money to pay her debt.? Don't push her to do things you might regret....and because of this minor issue Ou want to break your home and see rate the kid's from their mother. You are heartless.

Rather shallow.