₦airaland Forum

Can a man allow or forbid it?
Would the woman tell her husband about it?
In most cases probably not! How would the man know if he forbids it and the woman goes ahead to get one?
Besides various harmless objects could b converted for use

Some years back I and a female friend of mine decided to have a look at one of those shops where such things are sold.
We were curious because neither for us had entered one.
As we stood outside contemplating in or not an old man with a working stick came out of the shop.
we neither `t stop laughing.
We could not enter the shop- it was so funny

Personally, I think the use of such gadjets should be avoided. It would be very bad if the children stumbled on them.

MummyElena:
@Cocoacandy, Chaircover etc, ur opinions are great but pls what happens if the man diplomatically hands off major part of his responsibilty simply because the wife is helping, what should the woman do in such case?

Let me give a typical example: my sisters husband has a good job & earns over 5X her own income. My sis also has a job but which is not as well paid as her hubby's.
Her hubby is capable of taking care of most stuffs in the home,& prefers managing & disbursing his funds on his own independently without even involving her or letting her know.
She has tried several options to change him, even sitting down for them to draw a family budget, but he never sticks to the mapped out budget neither does he like the wife knowing whenever he's paid.

The wife was always placing her own income on the table every month for them to plan together with it & she noticed that everytime she brings home her own money, the husband now holds back on his own & diplomatically shys away from footing the bills he usually took care of at home. It is now the wife's own money that will be used to take care of those while the husband will secretly spend his, give it away to his folks etc.

The wife really wants them to work together hand in hand & build their home, but the hubby is always going solo maybe because he doesn't want to be accountable to the wife or want her to know who he is giving his money or what he is spending his money on. He doesn't even contribute the money to their buying property etc.
My sister got tired after a while & stopped bringing home her own salary or even letting him in on it.

So in this kind of situation, what should the wife do?

She should remember that the home is also made up of children. One day she will reap the reward of her efforts. No matter what she should put her hands on deck.

My husband was like that for years. He has such a large family and kept on pouring everything out there. It hurt sometimes because we really cut all luxuries to make them comfortable.
My husband never even bought a piece of land because he trained, helped and raised his siblings- over 20 of them. They are orphans.
When the older ones got on their feet, they started buying property and did not care much about taking care of the extended family.
That was when my husbands eyes gradually opened up.

It was hard because in those days for me because I also wanted to "spoil" my kids sometimes. at a stage I told him we should sit down and calculate what I would contribute to the home and the rest of my money I would use as i wished. Then I started buying things for the kid`s, it was exaggerated. He did not like it one bit. After a short while we worked together on a compromise. A middle way.
After years of each one pulling at different ends of the rope we have reached a compromise.
I have learnt to enjoy spending less and he spending more.
I think i also really works because I do not spend so much money on myself. I love good stuff but Iam not really materialisic.

A man caters for the family with the help of the woman.


It is wrong to think that the man has to carry all the financial burden and responsibilities.
In some cases the women earn nearly a much or even more than the men.

Men have huge responsibilities. Their parent and extended family, investing and so much more.

Why should it be an issue for the woman to have paid a rent?
Since I am also self employed apart from my job my husband never really knows how much I earn. But I always let him know and even give him most of the money for the home. He was and still is very reluctant but I insist.

I love that man so much I could not bear to let him struggle through all the responsibilities alone.
Because my husband is really mostly focused on the home and the family back home, it does not bother me at all. If you love a man, then you want to support him as much as you can. It has been that way since we married and it works for us.
However I must admit that it was not very easy. At a stage my husband was shouldering too many responsibilities at the expense of the kid`S. We solved it like we sole all serious issues. Written contact between us. We reach a compromise and put it in writing. It really works.

I just make sure I keep enough money back to be able to indulge my kid`s once in a while

babyosisi:
Some men are just dogs and will try their luck to see who is easy
Haven't you had occasions you are talking to a man and his eyes are rested on your chest
One recently was a man of God,we were talking and he was telling me how he started his ministry and almost throughout his eyes were fixated on my chest
If I had on a buttoned shirt I would have thought a button popped open,I still had to take a quick glance to see if I had a stain on my blouse

I have had a supposed family friend give me his cell phone number to call him, then asking me at another function why I didn't call
what sign did I give?

I meant when the man touches the woman. But even then some men have no control. I remember even as a young girl some of my dads friends . One would always insist I shake him and then go on to tickle my palm with a finger.

Common in the western world.
Women claim children are abused by their fathers to gain full custody of the child.

I once met a man at my working place and he told me the story of his life.

His wife accused him of abusing the 4 year old daughter. He lost job,friends and went to jail.
Eventually the court found him innocent but that is one offense you remain guilty even when found innocent.The stigma remains on the man.

Hard to imagine with a two month old but I just hope it is not true.

I remember years back a friends husband tried to make a pass at me. I told him I felt he was joking because if he was serious I would have to tell his wife.
He looked at me wide open and said he was joking. I did not tell my friend because I did not want to hurt her.
Since the friendship was not a close one anyway, I kept my distance from her home.

Telling your husband is your decision entirely, you have to know what kind of man your husband is. You also have to know how to tell him.
Sometimes somethings are best left unsaid.

I really cannot tell you what is the right thing to do.

Something you need to know is that in most cases before a man will lay a hand on a woman he might have felt that he got a signal.
If a man did that to me i would have slapped him there and then, because I would be sure that I never gave him a signal so it would be for me an abuse.

It is very wrong.
Please a matrimonial home is not a place people troop in and out.
Also very bad when children start coming.
She is exposing the home to all sorts of dangers and temptation.

A married woman needs to ensure for more privacy also to mind her activities and friends.

tomzman:
What your husband would do to you eh

Please I was only joking!

My husband will say nothing to me,
He will just enter the kitchen and cook a himself and for the whole family.
But that is the worse treatment you can give me because I will feel really bad.
Anyway Thank God, such a thing can never happen. Even if I do not feel like cooking I have enough able cooks in the house.
I teach my kid`s to cook at a young age.

This is a good one! I have to try it out LOL!!!
Infact any day I am lazy to cook I could draw the whole meal.

Young and refreshing. Lovely family.
You have done well. God has indeed been generous with his blessings.

How can you joke about such a topic.
Many albinos are being killed in Africa and their body parts are being sold.

This discrimination against Albinos has to stop!
They are just like everyone else- humans with a right to respect and dignity.

Please if this is true, take a big hug from me and know always tha God is your srenght.
He will carry you when your feet are week. Please let us know ow we can help.


The poem Footprints in the sand

One night I dreamed a dream.

As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."

mathmatica:
One thing is sure,God will make it right,one day.

I just love this comment it is so consoling for this and everything in life!
God will make it right one day!
AMEN AMEN!

rationalmind:
I saw this thread (https://www.nairaland.com/457400/why-husbands-beat-wives) earlier and noticed how ladies claim it's unacceptable for a man to beat a woman under any circumstance.

How about a scenario where the wife raises her hands to beat the husband? Yes, I'll beat that devil out of my wife if and only if she ever raises her hand to beat me first.

The law allows self defense.


So yes, if your wife beats you, you the law is on your side if you hit back to ward of any danger to you.
However the force has to be reasonable and in proportion.
Which means not - beating the devil out of her.

A real gentleman will walk away from the attack.

However if the woman is violent and uses her domestic weapons, you can`t blame the man for having to defend himself.

zanga420:
have been seeing ur comments, ur intelligience n maturity is amazing. Welldone

Blushing

It is sometimes not what you do but how you do it.
She and her family need to plead with the man for his understanding and to apopogise.
That is the ecent thing to do.
He will be angry but what it is the decent thing to do.

Anyway the reason is somehow very shallow. Did she not know that he was religious inclined.
I just don`t understand the reason.

If she is given him back the poposal, let her try and refund the money taken.

You were too young and the situation was just too much for you.
Your anger was a way of blocking out the pain.
You were angry with your father, with faith, with destiny, with him not being able to perform as a father.
It is a very normal reaction.
My mother fell into a coma and we were all not able to really stay by her bed and care for her. It was only my dad that could do that.
The reason being that we were so scared and afraid.
We tried to block it out in different ways and I tried to block my pain at being angry at my mum. IT is easier to deal with anger than pain.
When she died many years later, she never really recovered. We buried her but not the guilt.
Finally I came to realize that when a loved one goes in such a way you always feel guilty, you always feel you never did enough. You could have spent more time, showed more love...

You see your father loves you and nothing you could do will take that love away. When you have your own children you will understand how much and how strong the love of parent is. A love that is unconditional and that forgives everything.
The only thing your father will never forgive you for is if you end your life.
Choose life and live.
Your father would have given anything in the world to live and stand by you and help you grow int0 a happy man.
God did not grant him that length of time.
So live for your father and fulfill his dreams.
.. and then one day when you have a son give him your fathers name. Then anytime your little boy cries and you call him by his name and take him into your hands, your father will smile down at you.

Please stay away if you do not have good intentions.
The woman has suffered enough and she has those kid`s to train.

She deserves something beter than a man who wants to use her.

Please take care f your children, they are a gift from God.
Why is your husband in Abuja when when he has no job, that is only more expenses.
I think you need to get your family involved so that they can find a solution so that you all get to live under one roof.

I hope you did not make life unbearable for the man when he was jobless.
Your husband needs to take any job he can get to at least contribute something.

Please suffer for your kid`s you will reap the reward one day. Many women wo are married still fend for their kid`ss because the men do not contribute much or everything.
Tht is the joy and pain of being a woman.

Sijo01:
She will feel nothing since money is involved...... The couple's outfit is native attire; that's to say they came home for the ceremony. If the family especially the mom was not in support, the wedding would not have taken place.

Abge don`t go there.
People rent parents for traditional wedding.
If you are not legally in a country you cannot always marry there. Some countries require you going back to your country to marry, then the partner has to apply for you to join them.

Splendblex:
God bless you aunty babyosisi.@ Herz and others my prayers are with you.

My first n second years of marriage was very challenging but now....we don grow though we are still learning.

We never stop learning

Marriage is a school where you thing you are about to get your degree and you find yourself back in primary school!

Eternal peacer grant him Oh Lord. may he rest in peace.

Anger is a terrible emotion and very difficult to control.

Copy Corinthians 13 on the wall and read it whenever you are angry. It really works If need be read it over and over again till you calm down.

The Greatest Gift
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of aprophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, bso that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love

Raiders:
Young girls marry old rich men everyday for money. So its not modern slavery when a girl marry a rich man old enough to be her grandpa . She is providing him with money and he is giving her sex and affection. As long as they both agree to get married, its not of our business to judge them.

It is also slavery for a life time.

I am not judging him
A man has to do what a man has to do.

I only judge our country that has made young men and women desperate.

saints2:
Hello Ma'am

Thanks for your post.

I quite understand that some female folks may be secretive but not to a guy that you profess to love. I don't want to go into details, but my worry is that her secretiveness is really tearing us apart slowly as I hardly know her plans and when to come in, she really don't have time for us again that we only talk for 30mins in a day, why? I don't know her plans or mood. Its really annoying

Then it might be that she is hiding something from you. That is also a possibility. Sorry you need to follow your instinct. Things hardly every get better, they very often get worse.

Modern day slavery contract. §-5 years full time bondage for greener pastures
The poor man is trying.

tensazangetsu:
Please don't get offended go back and read my post and this time do it very slowly

Please don`t be offended
and again pluck the fruits you can reach. Before you pluck there is a desire to pluck!
I know what I am telling you- stay off the girl. Keep yor mind away from her because your mind is there because you are cntemplating plucking.
Anyway you might also try - those kind of girls keep Chewing gum boyfriend on the side

Many women are careful and secretive because they don`t want to get hurt.

Besides a woman is meant to be secretive, like a book you can only read a few pages at a time.Most women are secretive. You might think that some women are vey open but they are just telling you things they tell every one.

You are infatuated and not in love.

Please pluck the fruits your hand can reach!

Emmerlee:
I don't think you should judge any of his actions then.. The risky and hasty actions he almost took then was in a bid to save his marriage, that I can understand. It's difficult to think straight at such times. Pray not to find yourself in such a position, but maybe only then can you understand.

As per contesting a divorce, the idea was not to force himself to stay but to counter all the allegations against him with proof so everyone can see who the real looser is. All the allegations of the complainant were 100% false! He was gonna let her go anyways but that will be after clearing his name somehow. At the moment he has decided to let go fully as it's not worth his energy.

As for a married woman getting pregnant for someone else in the UK.. You sound like it's a very normal thing and we should therefore not raise an eyebrow. I beg to differ.

We all do stupid things when we are in love.
Since they don`t have kid`s he does not need to waste his energy.

He just needs to let go -mentally too. She was a bad market.

You see once the words have fallen out of the mouth it is too late.

I have this problem with my husband too. After a hard days work I might just try to relax in front of the TV and he suddenly wants to watch football and that match is sooo important.
I told him to buy another TV. It just has a way of making one very angry when you are cut off half way through a film.
There was a case in Germany years back where a man threw his wife out of the window for switching of th V during world cup.

So not the man has made it clear to the woman that is his property and the woman knows now that she is at his mercy.

Let the man offer to change the documents of the new car to her name.
That is the best solution. If he offers to do so the wife might not even want it again.

Anyway why should someone quit his job before getting a visa!
INFACT before even going to the UK to see if he can imagine living there?

Also would like to know how your friend thinks he can contest a divorce.
She does into want again. That is the end of the story.

Yes the lady probably got pregnant for someone who abandoned her, that is common in the UK but children are a gift from God.